Misplaced Lens Cap
oozey mess
RMH
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JVL
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Janaina Medeiros
Origami Around
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art blog(derogatory)
Product Placement
Cosimo Galluzzi
PR's Tumblrdome
d e v o n
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Andulka
taylor price
ellievsbear
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@gingerlygingeruk
This is what you DON’T want to do as a fan. Seriously, what has Harry Lloyd done recently that I get this weird ask.fm stuff? Also, I might have been at the receiving end of projection for my entire life, but am I the only one not understanding a bit of how the logic of this person works? Where does she get the stuff she’s talking about? Anger? Rape? a bit of WTF really???
I am day 19th of the Youtube Advent Calendar!!! If you are wondering, there are the channels why:
http://youtube.com/gingerlyginger
https://www.youtube.com/gininteacupsuk
30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know
1. The illness I live with is: Cluster Headaches
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 1999
3. But I had symptoms since: 1990
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: suddenly withdraw from life responsibilities and engagement for 2/3 months at a time when a cluster appears.
5. Most people assume: That it’s a headache.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: Actually being afraid of going to sleep cause usually an attack will come during sleeping time or within a couple of hours of waking up
7. My favorite medical TV show is: Scrubs, it’s apparently the most medically accurate one.
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: Imigran injections. I have a very bad relationship with needles but the automatic release made it bearable to have to do injections multiple times a day with their system.
9. The hardest part about nights are: I can never get enough rest to feel sort of ok or acceptably functional during a cluster. which again, lasts for at least 40 days in my case
10. Each day I take: Verapamil, Imigran
11. Regarding alternative treatments, I: tried different kinds of triptans in the past, including the melt under your tongue tablets, horrible since it did nothing for the pain but at that point I couldn’t add anything else so I just had to “ride” the attack off naturally. 4 hours usually.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: visible would make it easier in work related environments, although I would fear the prejudice and the possibility of having chances taken away from me because of it.
13. Regarding working and career: I switched to Imigran when I started my first internship as a cluster started the week before and lasted well 2 months into it. It changed my attacks pattern to once a day to multiple randon times, but became manageable in the sense that after an injection the major pain would subside within 5/10 minutes, however it could return after a couple of hours up to 6/8 attacks per day. That made it very challenging work wise.
14. People would be surprised to know: I feel like stressing the name “headache” is misleading as it describes something everybody thinks they have experienced, while believe me, it just addressed the fact the pain center is located in the head, nothing else in common with a regular headache. More like a cramp if I were to say.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: Unfortunately I have been dealing with CH since I can remember (elementary school) and it got more severe in time, so in that sense I got “used” to it, having lived with it for more than 25 years at the moment.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: be socially functional, whilst some of the most important work assignments I’ve got actually came around at a cluster time. It made it harder indeed, but I still delivered to great results in the end.
17. The commercials about my illness: they just aren’t there.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: the idea one day this will stop completely. It doesn’t, however my remission times have increased and everytime I get deluded into thinking it was the last time, it never is.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: control over awareness an actions during an attack.
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: again, we’re talking about more than 2 decades, I’ve mainly learned to truly enjoy remission times.
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: actually focus on the fact I feel nothing, not even a shadow in my head.
22. My illness has taught me: invisible illnesses are very much real.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: “I know, i get bad headaches too”. I know the word “headache” can be misleading but believe me, you don’t know.
24. But I love it when people: understand and give me space
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: "it will end”
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: it is manageable, do not think your life has been stolen from you even though it might feel so at the beginning, you can learn to live and still live fully with it, actually appreciating healthy times a lot more than normal people probably do.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: how it can affect every single aspect of your life, regardless of strength of will.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: accepting I need to be left alone in the dark and they can’t do anything expecting giving me time and space when i’m into an attack
Went to the Youtube Halloween party in London as Christmas Before the Nightmare. I blame Primark for having Elves costumes out it October.
That I did, that I did indeed.
Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All that blood was never once beautiful. It was just red.
Kait Rokowski (via iamianbrooks)
The DarkLight Project (instagram / facebook)
As part of this project I was given the chance to express what my light and dark sides are and, given the oxymoron I am, Rupert allowed me to bring an even internal juxtaposition in the pictures themselves. The light side is the "façade" side to me, where by being exposed to people I have to worry so much about them and making them feel comfortable that I become what they want or need, sometimes even detracting from myself. On the dark side though I can be me without worrying about the impact on anyone so to me really is the happier side where I can be myself just for my own self sake. On a side note, after preparing my first outfit for the light side, I was made notice how the colour palette sort of gave a "little Mermaid feeling" so embracing my naïveté in recognising the "Ariel" in me I went and fully channelled my inner "Ursula" for the dark side (with full on purple socks and petticoat to try and emulate her tentacles!). I think like with every dichotomy, this also goes to represent how differently we embrace our own personalities at different ages. For the people pleaser I have always been, growing into self appreciation and conservation is a huge step, and ironically, I think that might be way in a film like the little Mermaid you might start rooting for Ariel as a teenager, and end up sympathising with Ursula once you've grown up.
If you’re London-based or can come around London, get n touch with Rupert through the Darklight Project social media to be part of it! PS: it also channelled courage i didn't know i have to shot in a former church now park in my bra with all that (loose) skin exposed...
I always try to explain how my emotional kindergarten works, as I am known for some weaknesses, such my abandonment issues. Because of that and how open I am about it it is ridiculously easy to take advantage of that an manipulate me into doing and taking anything basically the moment I start caring for someone. I am still open about it though cause I believe people who care about you show their love by knowing your weak points and never using them against you, actually, by being careful around those soft spots if anything.
You can guess how many time it worked... I guess the idea of having such power over someone is just too tempting not to try it, especially over someone who appears to be whole on their own, and yet you had the power to break in and then, at that point, you want to check how far you can go, how exceptional you must be to be allowed that power over someone who wouldn’t even be easily overcome.
I always explain how I am also very careful for destruction, especially when it comes to people: i might seem pathetic when I try to reason and adjust, understand and modify when the aforementioned power is exercised over me by means of threatening to leave. Is it because I am scared of being left alone? No. In fact my greatest potential always gets fulfilled when I am on my own. I enjoy being myself in my own head. I also however recognise how people are unique, impossible to replace, featuring such significant little details that once lost are lost forever. I know how everybody we meet in life will, at some point hurt us, but what is not to be taken for granted is that everyone will also bring good things. The ones who do, to me, were always worth the pain, worth adapting, understanding.
Until breaking point.
When breaking point has reached and the hurt is impossible to repair with any amount of good, when even a sincere apology couldn’t make up for it, that’s when I say goodbye. At that point you might indeed still receive a text. After a month, after two years. If anything it will bring up the awful feeling of fear and hurt, but there is no option even remotely stuck in a corner of my mind that just because time has passed, what happened doesn’t matter.
I always reveal my character first thing, put my card face up on the table. I am sorry when they think their exceptionality in being allowed to overpower me and hurt me is such that, once I accepted and let go, stopped being their pushover, they can still just reappear, and time will have done enough to mend what *they* have willingly and awarely done to me.
I hold no grudges, but I’d have an awful sense of survival if I were to forget what’s been done to me, with, but especially if without an actual understanding and apology for those actions. But there is nothing to understand.
I accepted and let go at breaking point. when they remember me after months, years? I suppose I should be sympathetic cause, as strongly as they tried to wreck me, they are still hung on to something, while at least I broke free.
I am the survivor of more than one life. I hope you find your happiness as I am working on mine. Ghost of lives past, goodbye.
But remember, there are two ways to dehumanize someone: by dismissing them, and by idolizing them.
David Wong (via tellmefive)
I may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m man enough to admit it.
Spike (via whedonesque)
For what it’s worth: It’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over.
F. Scott Fitzgerald (via amortizing)
Meteoropathy
I can tell by the sound of squishy wet tires outside in the street that London is living up to the impeding Autumn. In fact, it clearly is in full throttle rehearsing and it’s going well.
I was never quite the meteoropathic so I am not going to blame anything going on inside of me to the weather. In fact, had it been sunny, maybe I would’v felt worse about staying in and not taking proper full advantage, not properly fully enjoying it.
Fact is, I am and have been for quite some time now questioning my place into the world, as the world as I knew it and thought I grew up in, either changed dramatically or likely was never quite there as I thought it was, so the lack of “belonging” feeling wasn’t quite a phase.
But the matter of today is different, I am not broody, I am not “sad”. I am quite strongly anxious about the day, be it for a number of reasons that might include the fact events are sometimes making me question myself, to see what I can better of me to better the situation around me. I still believe that is the healthiest approach to life and the most rewarding cause it drives us to develop into our better self. Lately, for a length of time I would like not to acknowledge in its entirety though, if I were to be very attentive I would admit I haven’t received from the world the kind of feedback that used to make me believe for the previous three decades that “i am doing fine, things will get better, I will get better”.
Difference of today though is, despite all the elements that would define today’s gloominess, I refuse to just give in. Yeah it doesn’t sound like the best of weathers out there, yes life and Fate haven’t confirmed my path in a while, but that doesn’t mean this is sad and pointless, this does not invalidate yesterday (in the larger definition of past) and certainly does not define tomorrow.I am genuinely starting to consider maybe the kind of feedback Life and Fate are giving me is just grown into something different from what I was used to so my eyes still need to adjust and look for signs and things that, because I never had to, I never looked for and therefore never seen.
In my lower days I would tell you my life has been steadily falling to its lowest point ever in the last 3/4 years, but truth is, nothing of what I did in these last years is much different from what I did before: I took chances, invested resources, possibly sounded crazy and devoted all I have to define very practically a goal. Not a dream. A physically reachable goal.
Now things in those terms have been woozy for a while at best, but I accept that a readjustment of views and therefore attitude and battle plans might have to occur at some point in life.
I suppose what it is now is: I am having a harder time to adapt now that I have to consider for the first time not only adapting my ways (which as a social sponge was never an issue) but to which degree my core values can mould and adapt.
It is definitely raining outside, and I am possibly more unsteady now about what I want to do and can do than I was 2 years ago when the company I founded and thought to be my future collapsed and shattered to pieces.
The difference that I suppose is making me a bit sturdy in giving in to the possible hopelessness and gloominess of today is the fact I define it as “what I do” rather than “who I am” now.
I suppose that’s adapting too.
The weather does suck though... a sunny afternoon certainly would be nice...
Gin in Tea Cups and Leaves on the Lawn by now
It's time to go full circle. Tonight that's what's going to happen. Five years might not seem much by now but to conclude properly, to own up and say goodbye to this part of my life? It was the most important so far, I owe myself, I owe them, I owe fate to respect it. I should write my thank yous white on black, seal it in wax and sign it with my name. The thing is only even that game seems to have been lost and left so long ago. But it is right. It is right to go full circle and be thankful. If there is one thing this life hasn't made me bitter for is thank yous and being grateful. Nothing has been ever owed to me, no matter how much I cared nor how much I worked and to be part of those amazing people's life for the blink of time I was, it was a privilege and a gift no one can earn nor deserve: just gifted. I was gifted as I am again tonight just because I am allowed to be there to witness what it could have been. I thought it would have been the solution to the meaning of life when I relentlessly pursued to the point a company was named after a dream, but dreams to me were always plans and given the chance I did just that. It didn't work out, but it could have, and in name of that I regret nothing. I remember the words said and the time spent together, I know some lifetimes don't experience that and that's why I am gifted. I have lost everything that was related to it now. I am rather lost myself at the moment, yet the time for that has simply past, I do not blame, do not recriminate. I never liked time going by, changing things, changing people, but then again, who has ever really? I am the fine balance of mediocrity, not much more special not much more talented. But I am grateful beyond comprehension because my eyes were wide open all the time and I took it all in. And I know it was nothing to take for granted, the nights out, the nights in, the words, and the feeling of election. Those years, that time, the people I could call friends and the signed guitar that still stands in my living room today despite the fact I can't play, all that time I thought I was pursuing happines without realising I was in the middle of it. I was that lucky to have the backdoor of the kitchen open and have amazing people coming through talking about life, the universe and everything into the night. I am looking back into the sun. It was blinding there to acknowledge it without lamenting how much it was hurting my eyes, it is rather blinding now to even conceive the idea I have actually lived through these things. I am grateful I still have those eyes. I saw and lived an amazing life in the space of the nights and days I was a libertine myself.
This is probably my fav thing ever
Arielle must be the most all round beautiful woman in existence.
I also suspected she must be a bitch of some sort since she broke up Alex and Alexa... but that might be just me with my absurd morals about NEVER ever considering the existence of a human being as a potential romantic interest if they are taken.
Vintage Photos of Cabaret Dancers from 1900's–1930’s: A Parisian cabaret artist. (Photo by Henry Guttmann/Getty Images). 1900
Never make fun of someone’s passion because that’s the thing that saves them from the world
(via 6ku)
