Families
We all come from somewhere. That’s it. That’s the tweet. The bigger part is where. What about our surroundings and upbringing (or lack thereof) makes us who we are? Are you quick to anger because of what you’ve seen in the past? Are you timid and nervous about expressing yourself because you were always taught that children were meant to be seen and not heard? Is it the exact opposite for you?
Those are all questions that I wonder when I see people and see how they react to things. Are you stuck in who you are because you know no other way? Because you don’t want to do better or be better? What if you feel like you can’t do better? I, personally, never want someone to think that they aren’t above who their families taught them to be. If you see that your family is toxic, their teachings are toxic, don’t be afraid. Be better. Show them that just because their life was negative, it doesn’t mean you have to deal with things in the same way.
I speak from experience. Growing up, I was raised by strict grandparents who were religious. My mother was… around but she was never there. For the first 5-6 years of my life, I called her by her first name because I had no idea who she was. I didn’t have that connection to her and it seems like she didn’t have that connection to me either. I was just a child she had who had ruined her partying ways. There would be times that she would come to my grandparents house at 2 AM, smelling like alcohol. As a parent now, I could never see myself doing that to my child. The heartbreak I felt when I was older and realized she probably didn’t want me is a feeling that just can’t be explained.
For years (even to this day), she tells people that she raised me from birth. She can’t face the fact that she wasn’t there. She can’t face the fact that she is unstable and unable to raise children in love. I’m grateful for my grandparents because they made me who I am now. That type of structure is what I needed. I didn’t grow up to be overly religious but who they were as people molded me and made me aware of what was around me. I’m proud of that.
I don’t parent the way my grandparents or mother did but I’m okay with that. I take the time to listen to my child, to explain to him why he got in trouble. I believe him when he tells me things and I call him out when he’s not telling the truth or when he says he can’t tell me something. I explain to him all of the time that it’s okay to feel your emotions and it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be responsible for your actions and it’s okay to say your truth. I also remind him constantly that he won’t get in trouble if he tells us the truth or if he speaks up. We support him in all of this because it’s going to make him grow to be a better person and not someone who reeks of toxic masculinity.
-K
Song: Strength - Moonchild
