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Peter Solarz
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
🪼
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DEAR READER
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pixel skylines
taylor price
oozey mess
Jules of Nature
KIROKAZE
⁂
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Misplaced Lens Cap
if i look back, i am lost
tannertan36
d e v o n
wallacepolsom
YOU ARE THE REASON
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@glasshill
Navigating Through Stone: A Journey of Grief
A journey of grief, real grief for me started 35 years ago with my father’s death. I don’t believe I dealt with his passing. I was getting married in a few months and I just stuffed it down. It got revived 6 years ago with my brother’s death, with John, it was as if a part of me was now missing, and the world was, and still is sadder and less vibrant without him. In so many ways I have been lost…
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Navigating Through Stone: A Journey of Grief
It can be difficult to talk about grief, and it can be an even more challenging process to navigate. But it is important to remember that grieving is both normal and necessary.
A journey of grief, real grief for me started 35 years ago with my father’s death. I don’t believe I dealt with his passing. I was getting married in a few months and I just stuffed it down. It got revived 6 years ago with my brother’s death, with John, it was as if a part of me was now missing, and the world was, and still is sadder and less vibrant without him. In so many ways I have been lost…
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not what you think it’s for
No, it is too much. Let me sum up:
No, I did not just have hip replacement surgery – that happened in 2009.
My 2009 hip replacement gave me heavy metal poisoning in my blood, bones, muscles and connective tissue. Especially in my Left hip. My Left hip really was the BIG winner poisoning wise.
I should make a movie called My Left Hip, or in Canada – My Tragically Left Hip.
Like super wtf levels of cobalt and chromium, in my blood – good thing they don’t do any harm or cause cancer, or tissue death… or anything.
Wait…
So, I had super fun hip REVISION surgery (what you get after your hip replacement surgery goes real bad) in Jan 2017 (yes, almost 2 years ago, time flies when you’re in pain)
The top of my Left femur is gone, my pelvis had to be grafted with cadaver bone. The muscles, tendons, and ligaments of my Left hip are mostly dead (or all dead, depending who you talk to).
Because of #2, #4, #6 & #7, there are not enough muscles etc to keep my leg bone in my hip socket. This kinda sucks (except use the word REALLY instead of kinda for better accuracy).
Hip dislocations hurt more than a lot, like a bazillion time more than a lot. Like worse than labour and delivery. Not kidding, even slightly.
My left hip has dislocated 5 times. Aside, they are now hiring 12year olds to be paramedics. Not that I care just as long as they have the pain medicine and can get me to a hospital, just an observation. Also, some ER docs are great and some are… not as great. Just saying, but at least they’ve all been over 12.
Yes, I have a lawyer. We just filed suit. No, there won’t be much of a settlement, possibly none.
Yes, I’ve seen lots of specialists and had 2nd, 3rd, and 4th opinions. The most specialest of the specialists says ‘sucks to be you’ and you have to have this super sucky revision of the revision surgery (like Bride of Revision surgery… almost, okay. not.) that will cost billions and make getting off a toilet challenging, and the floor is right out.
I don’t like orthopedic surgeons anymore.
Yes, I tried MAYO, they said no – twice.
I still have heavy metal blood poisoning. No, there is nothing to do about it except wait till it goes away all on its own.
Dr. Specialest of the Specialists says you’re not getting any better and just have the super sucky surgery or don’t even try to talk to me again. Really.
I’m really not a fan of this guy (wait, all of the ortho guys are about the same, so ditto lack of affection in their collective and general directions).
I don’t want the surgery – I like being able to use a toilet, car and getting up and down on the floor.
I just got Stem Cells in My Left Hip (Tragically Left Hip in Canada).
My Right Hip has the same problem that caused me to need my Left hip replaced in 2009.
They want to do hip replacement surgery on my Right hip.
Wanna guess how I feel about that?
I just got Step Cells in my Right hip, because F that surgery.
Nobody wants to watch my Stem Cell video or pictures because 8″ long needles.
I think it’s really cool, but okay, fine I won’t post it here.
I have three sets of crutches.
No, I’m not using them for attention.
I limp. Sometimes on both legs because it’s difficult to tell which leg will hurt/wobble etc. I pretend like it’s interpretive dance.
I got ‘sorta-dumped’ because of limp – to be fair it was 15mins into a first date and he said he couldn’t hang with a gimp, and got up and left me holding my coffee, so that was fun.
Yes, I can teach yoga on a crutch. I can even teach yoga in Cook County Jail on crutches and in a leg corset on Halloween because I’m a stubborn sort of person.
I got told to NOT bring my crutchy self into two separate yoga studios, because yoga students can’t handle a teacher on a crutch (just like 15min first date dude) and should not be subjected to that sort of trauma. Thank goodness for yoga in jail.
I have two walkers.
Ditto about attention.
Guess what I can do – Life Coaching, Personal Training, Yoga teaching, Sound Therapying, Light Therapying, Aromatherapying …. write ridiculously long blog posts, sarcasm and art.
Guess what I can’t do – practice yoga (well just vinyasa … and fusion… and Bikram… and hatha…), also can’t sit cross-legged – sukhasana free zone here.
I have one leg corset that Dr Super Sucky Specialest Specialist says I have to wear for 6 weeks, even when I’m sleeping.
I took it off after two weeks because this.
Are you still reading these?
Awesome, you’re the best.
I really mean that.
That’s about it. Thanks for walking my dog, bringing me groceries for the last two years, and making it possible for me to get stem cells, you know who you are and I love you a lot.
I bet I’m the first person to make a photo collage of their hip dislocations. #EarlyAdopter.
ouch
more ouch
continuing with the ouch theme
labels and junk
ouch for the win
Let Me ‘Splain… No, it is too much. Let me sum up: No, I did not just have hip replacement surgery - that happened in 2009.
It had snowed and I couldn’t get my foot into my boot because of the fucking leg corset.
Boots
That’s how yesterday started. It finished with a $2,025 puncture in each hip and chakra workshop. Just a regular Friday.
You would think if I was going to pay someone over $4,000, pull my pants down, and let them take pictures and a video I would have walked away with something rather exciting and completely unsuitable for this family-friendly blog. I’m not completely ruling out such experiences, but that’s another post.
Snow
Yep, snow.
So. Yesterday was approximately 4years in the making. It started with our hero as a fearless badass yoga teacher, it involved:
Twelve Burly ER dudes
Eleven ER visits
Ten Shots of Fentanyl
Nine Thousand Needles
Eight Hundred X-Rays
Seven Special Lawyers
Six Ortho Surgeons
FIVE Ambulance Rides (with Hip dislocations)
Four Pitiless PTs
Three Sets of Crutches
Two Chiropractors
And One Fucking Leg Corset
I know, now you’ve got a Christmas song stuck in your head. Sorry. Who am I kidding? Totally not, sorry, cuz it’s kinda catchy. You’re welcome.
The story is not over, but our hero through it all remained a Badass yoga teacher and also managed to complete a 500Hour Yoga Teacher Training, a Personal Training Certification, a Life Coaching Certification, a Trauma-Informed Yoga Training, Mother Fucking Firewalked with Tony Robbins, started teaching in Cook County Jail (occasionally on crutches with aforementioned fucking leg corset), got sacked 1.5 times, hired 10+ times, and continues to have fabulous adventures and hang with a bodacious bunch of Badasses.
Wings
This kid
Bones, for the win
Fancy clothes
These students
Actually teaching
Sidekick
I got this
THESE students
The Jail
F@cking Leg Corset
There’s more, so much more, so you’ll have to stay tuned if you want to hear about the Mustang Convertible in Arizona, Osteostrong, Several Sets of Wings, Art, Truffle fries and Hamilton.
Till then, Namaste (bitches).
And One F@cking Leg Corset It had snowed and I couldn't get my foot into my boot because of the fucking leg corset.
divinity
Today I am 12yrs sober from a disease that killed my brother & my father, both at 48. It is one of the illnesses my son suffers from, a self-medication for his schizophrenia. He has been clean for a year, but this will never be over.
dear Johnny, He was there again at the same spot on my drive home. Hours and hours after I had stopped and given him what food I had. The same face, same cardboard sign that driver after driver pretended not to see. He seem resigned to this, that he deserved nothing more than their indifference. I think this is what made me cry, this and the thought of his cold hands holding that sign. This is…
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hope is not enough
The call comes, just as it always does.
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hope is not enough
There comes a day when you open to Hope, examine its feathers, begin to hear its song. Whistling very quietly you make plans for him, and even for yourself. Not big plans, small plans like a Service Dog for him, and a divorce for you. The dog will ground him, and he will keep getting better. He will work, he will find stability and he will have times where he is happy. For you, it’s just a small…
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divinity
dear Johnny, He was there again at the same spot on my drive home. Hours and hours after I had stopped and given him what food I had. The same face, same cardboard sign that driver after driver pretended not to see. He seem resigned to this, that he deserved nothing more than their indifference. I think this is what made me cry, this and the thought of his cold hands holding that sign. This is…
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how to yoga
How (not) to Yoga and other crazy ideas
Yesterday a friend said to me she would come back to yoga, but couldn’t because she had gained some weight.
Thank gawd for people with some self insight!
Because that’s how we yogis roll. The other day a woman tried to pass as a size 2 so she could take one of my classes. She was very clearly a size 4, and had less than an one inch thigh gap. The nerve of some people. I sent her on her way and…
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Yoga this week Hot Yoga Naperville – 400 South Main Street, 2nd Floor, Naperville 360Fit Naperville – 1807 S. Washington · Naperville NVN = Naperville North, 790 Royal Saint George Drive, Naperville, IL NVS = Naperville South, 2531 W 75th St, Naperville, IL 60540 GE = Glen Ellyn 525 Roosevelt Road , Glen Ellyn, IL 60137
Making Space for yoga Got Space?
Teaching Yoga in Jail: What I've Learned
Teaching Yoga in Jail: What I’ve Learned
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how not to think about something
how not to think about something
write ‘how not to think about something’
make another bullet point
stare at screen
remember the thing
remember you’re not thinking about the thing
think about the thing
look at title – remind yourself why you’re writing this
think about the thing
decide to meditate
get a text, read text, text back with emojis
notice Snapchat notification, look at Snaps, try every filter on yourself and then on…
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Stages of My Post Surgical Life - Part One
Stages of My Post Surgical Life – Part One
My Pre-Op Attitude
Stage 1: The Prelude AKA Before Operation – Characterized by:
Insane optimism – I WILL return to full-time work in 1 month, tops! EVERYONE will be in AWE of my stunning recovery – there will be tears of joy, applause, balloons, puppies, because who doesn’t love puppies in a triumphant return day dream? All recoreded in slow motion video. Also, my hair will magically stop…
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learning to walk again v1.0
learning to walk again v1.0
I wrote this before my wonderful*, amazing*, spectacular* surgery. Today I’m writing about the wonderful*, amazing*, spectacular* post surgical recovery, but I thought I’d start with some history first.
Let me ‘splain, no it is too much, let me sum up* (*Princess Bride quote for those less nerdy/hip than the author – hip…? see what I did there? brilliant, right?)
I got my left hip replaced 7…
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crawling for many days, weeks I have been still. I have not done useful things, accomplished tasks,
self portrait
you know how you tell stories
like they’re just stories and not really you
like the one where you were gutted.
that’s just a story you tell about a man
you opened to over and over until he gutted you, saying he was just like that, toxic.
just like that, but still he couldn’t lose you.
so you tell a new story you come back, again and again until you tell your story by gaslight.
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story by gaslight you know how you tell stories like they're just stories and not really you like the one where you…