Everything and Nothing

Things you know, things you don't, things you wish you didnt find out.

[finnwolfhards]

Things You Might of Missed in Stranger Things 3

[justbadpuns]

I never understood odorless chemicals, they never make scents.

[gnomelatte]

Table for three please..

So I'm writing this on my phone & i miss my laptop. Are there any girls out there that are truly into couples? I feel like they say yes & then they second guess themselves. Squall (my fiance of 10 yrs, names are changed) have been trying to find a girl for us and it's hard man. We started looking last year...Before i got pregnant. Yes! We had a baby & she's absolutely amazing. She wasn't part of the plan but we figured why not. This could be our only chance & boy I'm glad we did. So we found a few before that & some worked out & some didn't. We stopped when i got pregnant cuz who wants to Fuck a pregnant woman. Besides the people with the fetish.

Well recently we started looking again & dating is hard lol. Thank goodness i have him by my side through this. But no one is what they seem. So any girls into m/f couples around the Philly area. Get at me lol just kidding...but not really.

We recently started talking to a girl & i really was into her when we were texting and we even talked on the phone for about 4 hrs one night. she was super sweet and nice, had been through some shit in her life, she def did not have it easy. i well we figured with what she had been through it would be different. we had her over and i made dinner and she brought some wine. it was kinda awkward. the conversation felt forced and when i turned the tv on for some background noise i felt like she was more focused on that. i don’t like competing with a screen. i mean does anyone? i wasn’t sure if it was because she was also talking to Squall verbally for the first time but he was nice and respectful like always. She slept in the living room on the air mattress and we went into bed. it was very innocent but i had no urge to kiss her or snuggle or anything. it was weird and made me realize i don’t want to get with just any female. Squall felt the same too which was good. Of course if she had tried something i mean i would have tried to see if i felt anything but she didn’t. i am sure she was nervous and scared but we were both gentlemen lol. i made tomato and cream tortellini and it was delicious EXCEPT she showed up about 45 mins later than i thought and it didn’t quite turn out like i wanted because it had ssat. but it was still good. i just hate competing with phones/computers/tvs etc. like personal company is going out of style and we are all going to end up like Wall-E i swear. Human interaction is rare anymore and it is damn right scary. I much prefer face to face interaction, you get to see facial expressions and body language. You can look into someone’s eyes and you can tell how they really feel. Eyes are definitely the window to the soul, Someone’s mouth maybe saying something but their eyes....that is the truth. 

So Squall and I went to bed and we had very quiet slow sensual sex, I know..you may be saying well we were not attracted sexually. Well we weren’t but still the thought of it just gets us going, ya know? The next morning I woke up first and came out to make the baby’s bottle and she was awake, just laying there ON HER PHONE, naturally. It was around 6a or so and she said she had been awake since 4a and couldn’t go back to sleep. She said if I didn’t mind she would hangout since she has off from work and so was I. I didn’t mind, I took Squall to work since I needed the car for the baby’s dr’s appt at 10a. So we hung out and talked, nothing wild, i wasn’t really flirting but she seemed to move a little closer every so often but I think i was just looking for a sign to try a move. But nothing happened, we smoked a bowl and then I told her I had to get myself and the baby ready for the appt and she left. We hugged and that was that. Not even a kiss on the cheek. We didn’t talk as much that day, nowhere near as close as we usually do. I don’t think she felt that spark either and it’s all good but we haven’t talked about it, I don’t want to offend her. She is a bit of a bigger girl and is sensitive about it, it had nothing to do with that at all. There was just no spark, no oh my god I need to hold her and kiss her now. She is a beautiful girl and she is very sweet and nice but I think we are gonna keep looking. We are still talking and maybe one day it could happen but who knows. We already told her when we first started talking that if it doesn’t work out romantically we are down to be friends. Plus she said she wanted to drink and she barely had one glass of wine, but for me I don’t even like wine and I had about three glasses...haha. I thought it might loosen her up for conversation and such but I don’t know. I know she felt comfortable with us and safe since she said if the vibes or energy was off she would not have stayed over. But she did....so any girls out there between lets say 23-34 ish (we can slide for some but want someone around our age) and you are in the Philly area or close to it. Hey there, how you doing? HAHA 

Any tips are appreciated, like how do i meet a girl in person and ask her if she is into that and not sound like a weirdo/pervert? ughhh dating sucks but at least I am not by myself. 

To the future . . . 

[justbadpuns]

Children who fail their coloring exams always need a shoulder to crayon.

[the-book-diaries]

“I think people would be happier if they admitted things more often. In a sense we are all prisoners of some memory, or fear, or disappointment—we are all defined by something we can’t change.”

— Simon Van Booy, The Illusion of Separateness

[gnomelatte]

Let’s Get Wild & Make Some Memories

Oh my jeez! It has been at least 2 years since I have written anything worth while on here...damn do I need to start doing this again! So so so much stuff has happened. I was actually reading some of my old posts to see where I was in my life and GOD DAMN how shit changed. Mostly for the better too, it’s fucking awesome. To see where I was physically, mentally, spiritually...shit even romantically and sexually! Things are so different in the BEST of ways. Now it isn’t like I went and hit the lottery or married some foreign prince with a fortune. I am happy, I am comfortable yet still having adventures and constantly challenging myself. 

Fuck....where to begin....well I guess a recap...

So first thing Squall (names have been changed) and I are now engaged! Since Feb 14th 2017...shut up, I know what you are thinking, Valentine’s day? How original..well it fucking WAS! Dude my man did me proud and I had no idea. It was the most exciting night, emotionally...it was perfect. I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

Next....well Squall and I have our own place now! It isn’t some 3 bedroom house or a condo in the city with a view of the skyline, but it is our home, a home with so much love. We love it, we are still in the same town where is grandma lives and I am a six minute drive to work and a ten minute drive to my mom’s. It is a one bedroom apartment over top of a two story home. It is great and we are happy here. 

My job, well I’m a supervisor now, I am a step below a shift leader, I should be getting promoted by fall/winter. With only being there for a little over two and a half years, I have done well for myself. Of course working hard and doing well at what I do has always come naturally for me, thank you Mom lol.

We have a new baby, a FUR baby. His name is Pepper and he is a little fucking devil but he is our baby. We got him a few months after we moved, our other fur baby was depressed and we figured he needed someone to play with. Boy, let me tell you, Pepper gives him a run for his money. It is the cutest thing watching them together. They play together and love each other. Now if you have a fur baby or two of your own, you know what I mean. Our older cat, Lestat or Meow Meows (Me-Mowz) will sometimes start making the craziest sounds, and what is he being weird about you may ask. Well a minute or two after he starts meowing all weird....Pepper comes running out from wherever he was  causing mischief and Meow Meows starts to clean him. It is so FUCKING ADORABLE! Plus these our my first real pets and it is magical, it is amazing how much an animal can mean to you or do for you. I can not wait till the day I can get a dog! Oh boy, that pupper is in for a lot of love, hugs, kisses and snugs. :-)

Friends..well much has changed. We stopped hanging out with our toxic friends and met some new ones and they are amazing people. The friends I talked about before that had the baby, well their true colors came out and Squall finally realized that he puts too much of his heart out there, which of course he still does, but dear higher power, I fucking love that man, my man! Now my ‘brother’ Mark, he was mentioned in a few of my other posts...well I am kind of disappointed in him. I feel like he turned his back on me. It isn’t all his fault though, I never tried to save us. I mean we talk every once in a while but nothing like it used to be. He will always be my brother, more than the two I have and they are blood related. The group of friends that we have, that is our fam. There is a lot now, but mostly there is about seven or eight that are my favorites and everyone adds a little something. We are all so different and alike, it is amazing. Of course I am still momma, which I love. I ALSO HAVE A GREAT FEMALE BEST FRIEND WHO I LOVE! I finally fucking found my girl, we get along so well and enjoy the same things and introduce each other to new stuff. There is sometimes a little tension with her and Squall, but I know it is because she thinks I am amazing and nice etc (her words, not mine lol, I am humble about that shit, but I am a pretty awesome person lol) and she thinks I should be treated like a princess, we will call her....Lexi. Now she does love Squall but I understand, but she is a great friend. We did have one little snafu (not a fight) but all I want is honesty and friendship. She avoids conflict at all costs which I totally understand, but not everything leads to conflict. I hope she can be honest and straight forward, my feelings would be more hurt if she kept things from me, even if it is something she thinks might upset me, THAT IS LIFE! But that is my gurl.

I finally had sex with a female, actually a couple. Also, Squall was with me and holy god damn mother fucker butt shit poop balls, was it fucking HOT AND SEXY!!! Now you are probably like what is this bitch talking about...but I think most people on here are open minded and understand sexual preference. I love Squall, my man always satisfies me, so don’t be thinking otherwise. I just love females, I always have and I never really accepted that it was part of me until over the past year or so and I feel even more happy than I usually am. Now it isn’t like I was denying it and I am not leaving Squall for a woman. I want him and other women together. Him and I are partners in EVERYTHING lol. He loves that I am open to it and I mean of course, he gets a threesome with two girls, what man would not want that. But more details on that juicy stuff in another post. Just now...it is amazing and I love my man even more for accepting that and respecting me and my feelings. (side note: our sex life has been getting better and better and fucking better since I have been more open sexually, not even just with females, but with him. I am lucky.

Jane, my car, my first car that I paid for all by myself, is officially gone. It is for the best and I have accepted it. I would have paid more to get it fixed than I had paid for it! I definitely got my money’s worth out of her, she was a beast too. Had some great adventures. 

Well that is the short version of everything, more detail to come.

To the future. . . 

[gnomelatte]

How Long am I Supposed to Wait for Things to Get Better?

[wnq-writers]

Right now I feel absolutely nothing, and I’m not sure what scares me more. The feeling of emptiness or how incredibly intoxicating it is.

Michelle Finn (via wnq-writers)

[jeraimee]

[gnomelatte]

Pizza and books, all ladies deserve pizza and books.

[gnomelatte]

Hit and Run. More Like Break my Heart Into a Million Pieces. Cowards Break Hearts and Cars Then Run Away.

So a couple of weeks ago, more like exactly two weeks, I finally bought a car. Now I have had a car before, but this one I bought all by myself. It is not anything fancy but it works and I like it. When I first bought it the car did have some problems and I was aware of them. I got the car for pretty cheap so I was prepared to spend the money on repairs. She was working great, I named her Jane. I named her Jane because I actually bought her on 4/20 and she is too classy looking to be a Mary Jane. It was appropriate and comical. 

Since I have had the car, I have not had any problems and I enjoy driving her and going wherever I want when I want. This past Wednesday my friend was going to the two day show by the band The Used. I listened to a lot of ‘emo’ music when I was a teenager. I listened to them, they were not my favorite or anything though. My friend had a ticket for $10, I could not pass that up. Squall (my boyfriend) is not a big fan of that type of music, he tolerates it though but just because I love it. He didn’t want to go so I went by myself. 

I hoped in my car and went to get gas, cigarettes, set up the album on Youtube plugged in the Aux cord and was on my way to pick up my buddy. 

[ Now I can’t remember if I have mentioned where I live before or not. I try to keep this somewhat secretive in regards to my identity. I change names and such] Well I live outside of Philadelphia, about twenty minutes depending on how fast you drive and traffic. The show was at the Electric Factory, it is one of the most well known venues in the city. It has housed so many talented acts whether it be musicians, comedians or even RuPaul’s drag race. For those who are not familiar with the venue. For those who are not familiar with the city of brotherly love. Philly is like most major cities in America. There are nice parts and bad parts. The bad parts are really bad with drugs and murders, the typical big city issues. Now the electric factory is not in the worst of areas but it is not Rittenhouse Square (which is in a well populated area and is beautiful, a one bedroom apartment costs about $5,000 a month, roughly) or anything. 

So I picked up my buddy we will call him Anthony, Tony for short. We smoked a joint on the drive over and found a place to park a block over from the venue on the street, you could see the venue from my car. We went in yadda yadda yadda. Long story short about the show, it was a great performance and I was glad that I went. We were there for about two hours, the bar next door even had an ‘emo’ night, it was great. So Tony and another friend of ours, who we met there, walked back to the car. When we were about fifty feet away from the car Tony stopped and said “Hey, was your car already like that?” Now I thought he was fucking around, but guess what folks. The back driver side was smashed in, the bumper was cracked and there was debris from another car all over the ground by my car. I could not fucking believe this shit. Of course there was no note on my car with any insurance information or anything and it is a commercial/industrial area so there are no homes or any open business around. 

I was proud of myself though. I didn’t cry, I didn’t start hyperventilating, I didn’t scream at the top of my lungs. I remained calm. I mean what was the point, it wasn’t like whoever did this was there and I could yell at them or anything. So I called the cops, called Squall to tell him what happened and then filed an automated claim through my insurance. Naturally I only purchased the cheapest insurance, which does not cover this type of BULLSHIT! The one thing I think that kept me calm through this ordeal was that we could hear music from the bar next to the venue. They were playing some of my favorite songs from when I was about thirteen-nineteen years old. They were playing Panic! at the Disco, Fall Out Boy, Saosin, Say Anything, Cute is What We Aim For, The Used, Coheed and Cambria, Underoath, Yellowcard (and these are just a few). You catch my drift, I could just go on and on with the artists from that time period that helped me cope with my teen angst and such hahaha. The whole time we were standing there, when we were looking at the damage and waiting for the cop, it definitely helped. These were the songs that I would listen to when I was younger. When I would fight with my mom, when I thought I was in love with a new boy, when I broke that boys heart or vice versa. So for all these songs to play nonstop during that time helped me keep my cool. 

Music is a magical thing if you ask me lol. It helps in every situation. In happy or sad times. I was more proud that I didn’t cry, which is also kind of funny. I am one of those people that cries when they are very upset mad frustrated, whatever. 

So the cop came and he was very nice and did not take forever to get there either, I thought we were going to have to wait for like three hours. We only had to wait about forty-five minutes. He reassured me that there is hope in finding out who did this to Jane. There is a division that they have that is made for these types of situations. It will take about two weeks for the police report to reach them, but then they do their magic. What they do is pull the cameras from the surrounding area and do some detective work. Now the best part of all this is that there were about three cameras of all different types pointing around the car. One type was the white ones that kind of point in one spot, another was one of those crappy looking old-school ones but the best and last camera. It was one of those ‘eye in the sky’ types, ya know the round ones that are all hi-tech and such. So there may be some chance for my baby Jane. 

Now if they do have the footage on the camera and they are able to track this person down, we can fix all of this and I can stick my tongue out at them and call them a poopy head (just kidding about the last part, well maybe). Now what if they do track them down and they don’t have insurance? Well in that case she will just have to have that injury for awhile, I mean body work on a car is expensive. So hopefully they were just a drunk driver and they were scared or didn’t realize what they did at the time. Hopefully they are not some illegal immigrant with no license or something, hopefully it is not an uninsured driver, hopefully it is not some drug dealer or murder and hopefully the lighting and camera angles were not so horrible that you can not see their license plate or their face. 

Wish me luck and cross your fingers for me. Think good thoughts for me pretty pretty please. If you are a religious type and you believe prayers work you can do that too. I personally (no offense) don’t 100% believe that the power of prayer truly works, I mean I think that it does if you believe yourself. I don’t know if it will work for me since I don’t fully trust in that. I mean I think I only turn to God or Jesus when it is a true emergency, I mean lives will be forever changed, things can never go back to normal. Sorry we are sooo off topic, this post is about my poor injured Jane, not religion. So hopefully we will find out, I will probably be bitching or excited in a post on here around two weeks from now when I talk to this division of the Philadelphia Police and see if there is hope to get Jane all fixed up or if she is going to look like she lost a fight for a long time.

Also, kudos to the sweet and honest officer that helped me. Not to mention a cutie as well. That is always reassuring to see a nice looking face and not some old mean looking man, or a woman with a serious bitch face. I mean if it was another type I am not sure if they would have been as reassuring and said the things I needed to hear. 

Well wish me luck folks, also if you have had a similar experience or any advice on this, please please please send me a message or a question thingy, I would greatly appreciate it. This is the first (and hopefully last) time I have ever had to deal with this sort of thing.

To the future . . 

[gnomelatte]

I am a Slacker, at Least I Can Admit it

Well I have not been keeping on this as much as I thought I would. 

I am about 99.99% I don’t have ‘loyal’ readers who check my page on a daily basis for new posts, but......if anyone is out there and has something they would like my take on. Maybe even something they would like to know about me. Send me a question, anon or not, whatever floats your boat.

If not this post will get buried with all the rest lol.

To the future . . .

[gnomelatte]

50 Things That Make me Happy

Now I would say that these are not in any particular order, seeing as how I am remembering things as I go down this list lol, So in reality number seven should be number three or number thirty-two should be eleven, you get my drift.

1) Squall - My boyfriend of seven years, always knows how to make me happy and cheer me up, even if he is the one that I am mad at lol.

2) Hearing My Mom Say She is Proud of Me - This is something that I took for granted growing up, making my mom proud is a great gift.

3) Playing With My Nieces and Nephew - They are truly amazing. It makes you think about all the things that kill your child like spirit. Seeing them be happy with the littlest things and the fact that they are under seven years old, they have that child like wonder with everything.

4) My Kitty Cat - This is my first real pet after being alive for twenty-six years, and it is the coolest experience.

5) Swings - I love swinging on swings, it was one of my most favorite things to do as a child and still is. It is a freeing activity.

6) Smoking Weed and Being Outside - I like being high, not twenty-four seven, but smoking makes me feel better, mentally and physically. I thoroughly enjoy being outside somewhere nice and being high. I am not a fan of the outdoors by any means but I feel like it grounds me. Being outside and smoking something that was grown from the earth. I think it is one of the things that is along the lines of ‘coming full circle’. Especially if I am somewhere that I am not surrounded by a bunch of bugs and mud, EW.

7)  Sitting on the Beach - I hate the sand and seaweed and of course the slight chance of being mauled by a shark, but I like the beach. It is such a relaxing thing being by a large body of water like that, the sounds of the waves as they come in. The ocean is powerful and mysterious.

8) Going to a Concert or Live Show - There is just something so thrilling about live shows. To see the passion in how the artist/band sing and play their instruments. Also to be surrounded by hundreds even thousands of people that are all there for the same reason. That in that moment that the curtains open or go down, and everyone has that look of wonder on their face.

9) Going to the Movies- I could watch movies all day, everyday. I just get so sucked in.

10) Reading/Going to the Bookstore - I can get lost in a book way too easily. I can finish a whole book in a day if it is that good and I have the time. This should probably be around five or six, but I sometimes take a few months off from reading. Then when the break is over I read books non stop for months. Most of the time finishing them in a week or less.

11) Snuggling on a Cold Morning With the Love of my Life - I love when him and I are both off of work and it is slightly chilly in the room. We snuggle up and hold each other close.

12) Smoking a Cigarette on an Outside Porch With a Cup of Coffee - It is just one of those things that I like. Smoking a cigarette with a hot cup of coffee just goes together. If you are a smoker, you may understand.

13) Taking a Long Drive While Listening to Music Loudly - When I was younger and I needed to clear my mind or was upset I would go on a drive with my music loudly. I would always go the same route, it would usually take me about forty-five minutes to an hour there and back. By the time I would get back around where I live I would feel a million times better.

14) Seeing a Play or Musical - It is like a movie but better, it is live passion up on that stage. To think that these actors do this non-stop, with rehearsals and shows. It just blows my mind. It is magical.

15) Giving a Meaningful Present - The look on someone’s face when you give them something thoughtful is priceless.

16) The Sound of Rain - It is such a soothing sound, no matter if it is pouring or just a light rain.

17) Putting on Sweatpants Right out of the Dryer on a Cold Day - It is like the clothing version of comfort food.

18) Eating my Favorite Foods/Snacks - Chips and queso, popcorn, chicken Parmesan, Velveeta shells and cheese, chocolate truffles.

19) Having a Meaningful Conversation With a Stranger - I have found that the older I get the more I loathe meeting new people with fake/polite conversations. The rare moment that I meet someone and we have a nice conversation is a wonderful thing.

20) Going on a Vacation - To be able to get away for a few days and only have to worry about things like where I am going to go eat and how long I am going to stay at the beach is awesome. To not have to worry about anything for a few days is amazing.

21) Knowing I Have a Man That Truly Loves Me, no Matter What - That does not need any explanation.

22) Knowing That One Day I Will Take That Man’s Last Name - I was never that fond of my last name, but that is not why. I mean when I was younger I was proud,of it, but as I got older and things got complicated it didn’t hold the same respect in my heart. I will just feel honored and proud that I will have his name. To proudly introduce myself as Mrs. (Enter Squall’s real last name here) wherever and whenever I can. To be proud of my name once again.

23)  Going Out to Eat at a Fancy Restaurant - It makes me feel classy, and I like that. I don’t have a lot of classy moments in my life, lol. It is just an hour or two of being able to feel special, be able to dress up nice and have a fancy meal.

24) Buying Myself Something Expensive - I am not one to spend money on myself, I never think twice about buying something for someone else. When I do purchase something expensive for myself I put a lot of thought into it. I know that it is something I truly want, and I will take care of. I still have the first expensive thing I ever bought. It was from a paycheck from my first summer job when I was fourteen, I bought myself a real stereo, you know the three piece speakers and main system. I still have it after twelve years and it is still in great condition.

25) Hanging Out in a Towel After a Shower - If I don’t have something to do or somewhere to go, I will sit around in that towel until the last possible minute. It is just a comfortable thing for me.

26) Hostessing a Party or Small Get Together of Friends - I love having people over to hang out, drink, smoke, play games, laugh our asses off and shit maybe partake in some drugs. To set everything up, make sure everyone has a full drink and enough snacks. To walk room to room and see all the different activities and groups of people that are talking and doing things together. I have brought some of the most different personalities together and they have had the best of times. It is always a one of a kind type of night.

27) Introducing Someone to a Song/Movie/Book That They Fell in Love With - I have a vast knowledge of books, movies and different types of music. When I am able to turn someone on to one of those things and they enjoy it,  that means something, it puts you in a vulnerable spot To introduce someone to whatever it is and they fall in love with it and then for them to introduce that to someone else, it just goes on and on. When you share one of your favorite songs, movies or books with someone it lets them into your soul. You are showing them something that means a something special to you. Of course I am talking about a meaningful song, a movie that makes you think or a book that you read slowly to prolong the end as long as possible yet you want to read it as fast as you can.

28) Having Someone Introduce/Show You Something Meaningful to Them - This kind of goes along with the above. It is just trustworthy. To have someone show you something that is special to them, that touches their heart, it is a great sense of trust. When you show someone a keepsake that you have had since you were young, they don’t know how you will react.

29) Keepsakes - I have a lot of things that I have saved from over the years. Little things from places I went. Stuffed animals and my blanket that I have had since birth.

30) A Coca-Cola Slurpee - It is awesome.

31) Blankets - I love blankets, I have to use a blanket every time that I sleep, Even if it is 100 degrees outside. If I am sleeping or sitting on the couch, blankets make me feel more comfortable.

32) Seeing Happy Elderly Couples - They are just too adorable. You never know if they have been together for forty years or even three. It is just the purest form of love to see. They always help each other and never know how much time is left, they appreciate every moment with each other.

33)  Going to New Places - You never know what to expect and it always different than how you imagine as well. It is always an adventure.

34) Watching Children’s Movies - They are just so entertaining and there are also parts for adults as well. There are drug and sex references and even ones to things going on in present times in the news.

35) Friends, The T.V. Show - I can watch every episode of that show over and over. I actually do. Every time that I do watch it I laugh as if it is the first time I have seen it, they never get old and touch every subject with life. It may even be in a serious or a comedic matter.

36)  A New Pair of Shoes - Shoes are awesome, I love having/buying new shoes.

37) A Great Pair of Jeans - I don’t know if this is a girl thing or not, but having a great pair of jeans that fit well are hard to find. They need to be comfy, not too tight and the right length. I am very short and not every place carries jeans in a short length, it is a hard thing to come by.

38) Garden State the Movie - It is one of my all time favorite movies, it may seem weird but it is just a great movie with great main actors. It just touches a place in my heart.

39) Seeing Pictures/Videos From When my Brothers and I Were Younger - We are not very close now, it amazes me to think that we once were. To enjoy each others company, to make each other smile with the simplest things.

40)  Giving or Receiving a Present That is Handmade - It is so thoughtful to give something like this. Not to mention the fact that you or someone took the time to physically put something together for someone else.

41) Looking Nice - You feel better when you are comfortable with how you look. Not necessarily with your body shape and weight. When you go out in a good looking outfit or when your having a good hair day.

42) Making a Delicious Meal or Dessert - I love when I see someone enjoy some type of food that  I made. Food makes people happy.

43) When You Give Someone Advice and They Actually Take it - There is bad advice, but sometimes when you say something meaningful and it makes a difference to someone. To help or improve someone’s life or mindset is a powerful thing.

44) Making Love - I do mean actually making love, not fucking. I mean fucking is awesome too. I am talking about that romantic and connecting type of sex. That bonds two people together.

45) Getting a Massage - I mean, I don’t think I need to say why.

46) The Thought of Having Children One Day - It is a crazy idea to me that one day I may raise a child. To have a little person that is part me.To see what kind of person I shape and mold to see what they become in life.

47) The Thought of Maybe Never Having a Child - I know that once I have children my life will change drastically. I kind of like the idea of being able to do what I want, when I want.

48) Iced Mocha Lattes - There is just something about a well made latte.

49) Big Dub Festival - The one place that I can be completely free. Everyone is nice, it restored my faith in humanity. Not to mention the great music.

50) Being Productive - I am not a morning person, I hate waking up early and doing things. When I do actually wake up and get things done, It feels awesome

To the future . . .

[gnomelatte]

What Would You Do if You Woke Up and You Were Invisible For 24 Hours.

Well after the initial shock wore off, I realized what the hell was going on and the important people in my life were settled with where I was and that I was alright. Let’s see, what would I do?

Well see now I am too practical of a thinker for this topic, lol. Like how would I get around? Do I drive, like I am pretty sure it would raise some questions seeing a car drive be itself. Would I hop a ride in a car, can I just walk through things too? 

I am starting to think this was a bad topic to write about. lol Alright, So I guess I will do this without practical thinking.

The first thing I would do would be go see me mom at work. I have not seen my mom in the workplace for around ten years, I loved seeing her work. She was always so focused and confident with everything she did, I loved how she talked to her coworkers and bosses. 

The second thing I would do is go see my love at work as well. I never really got to see him in the workplace, most people act differently at their job. I love seeing my man when he is serious and focused, it makes me love him even more than I do.

I would then go to my place of work, to see what they would say about me. I know this sounds kind of neurotic, but I work in a place full of females, they talk about everyone. I would like to know what they truly think of me, when they know I would not be able to hear them.

Then I would go into homes that I know I could never afford or ever have a chance to go into. I would try and see if these people were happy, money can not buy happiness itself but it can buy the things to make you happy. 

I think the main thing I would like to do is see people in private spaces. I don’t mean in the bathroom, but in their homes and offices. People do things differently when they think no one is around or watching. Privacy is a special thing and I would like to crash that. 

I might also fuck with the people I am not too fond of. You know, like knock things over and hide their car keys and cell phones. 

I mean if I could rob a bank and be able to get away with it, keep the money and such. That would be number one on my list.

To the future

[gnomelatte]

What Medicine Cures Baby Fever?

Do you have any children? I don’t I am twenty six with no babies. I have been with my boyfriend for six and a half years. Our opinions about babies have changed strangely since we met. When we first met we both wanted babies, after a year or two I didn’t want babies and he did, after that we both didn’t want kids, and recently I wanted to have kids in the future and he was on the fence. 

Recently, we found out that two of our close friends are having a baby, they have been together for about three years. It was a surprise baby, he is older than me and she is younger than Squall and are not really in the best situation in life. They are living in a room in a house that is not in a good neighbor, at all and just surrounded by bad choices. I was stunned when I found out about the pregnancy and was not sure how to react. I was scared for them, somewhat happy, but I realized that i was more envious that anything. I could always see myself with and without kids, but this really put things into perspective. When Squall and I left their place the night they found out, we both realized we want a baby. 

Now I do not want one right now, I know we are not ready, we both know that. I think I was upset because she is having a baby before I am. I mean I don’t have to many girlfriends, and the ones I do have do not have kids. I always expected I would be the first one to have a child. The world has a funny way of doing things, giving babies to people who are not ready and not giving babies to those who are prepared. They both thought they couldn’t even have kids, she had medical problems growing up , he thought he was sterile. It is just so weird to picture them as parents. She was not happy to hear about this, but him on the other hand, he is taking it like a champ. He is super excited and can not even contain himself with his happiness. It is the cutest thing ever, he is truly happy with this situation that they are in. Now I don’t know if she realizes how lucky she is that he is reacting like this, most of the time it is the opposite way.

This really put things into perspective though, for Squall and I. We definitely know that we want children, I am kind of glad about that. I am glad that we have finally come to terms with what we want in life. We are helping them out as much as we can, support wise. Now I have a baby shower to plan too! I didn’t really think I would ever get the chance to plan one, since I don’t have too many female friends. Now a bachelor party, I could see myself planning one of those before a baby shower haha. And I kinda rushed this..

Well there will be more about this, I am sure of it.

To the future . . . 

[gnomelatte]

What Would You Choose?

If you had the money to just leave everything and do what you want, would you?

Now I don’t mean millions of dollars or anything, just enough to survive comfortably for a little while let’s say a few months. Would you go? Or would you start a so called ‘normal’ life. 

Most people talk about just picking up and leaving, but if given the chance what would happen? Most people have the dream of just packing up the essentials and driving away. Driving towards something new, exciting and scary. It is the unknown, no matter if you have a plan or not it is still scary. It is the unknown after all. Most people may have a family and a decent amount of friends they could not stand to leave, but others don’t. If they do they most likely have a very small circle that would push them to better and bigger things. 

Me for example, I have maybe a total of six people that I would miss. I have maybe two and a half people that I would hate not to see on a regular basis. Which is my mom, my nieces and nephew. Now i say half because my nieces and nephews are young and equal one a half of a person haha. I would hate to leave them but my mom wants me to have adventures and see things. I would hate to not see the kids grow up but they could spend summers at their aunt’s house, awesome. There is always Skype of course, to see them regularly. 

This is coming up because I recently came into a small bit of money, nothing crazy, but enough. The first thought to come to my mind when I held that check in my hands was that I could do anything I wanted. I could go anywhere I wanted. Leave my job, my friends, my family, this place I have always lived within a fifteen mile radius of, this place that many don’t get to escape. 

I feel like it is good for people to leave and see things. Some people are just not meant to leave, the ones that have always felt content with where they are. The people that want more though, they are stifled by what defines normalcy. Go to school, get a degree, get a job, get married, buy the nice house, have kids, do the same thing every single damn day of your life. I am not judging these people, you want what you want. I have friends that want to be stay at home moms and raise a bunch of kids, have a husband that comes home every day to a home cooked meal. Good for them, they know what they want, people that know what they want out of life are lucky. Most people search their whole lives never knowing what they want, always thinking what if. What if I got on that train out of town? What if I hopped on that plane? What if I just left everything behind? I am very scared of the what if. Being seventy years old and wondering if I made the right choices and ended up in the right place. I suggest you read the book Fated by S.G. Browne, if you are a book person, it gives you a new perspective on things with fate and destiny and such, plus he is a great author, love him. 

Well I didn’t leave, but Squall and I did discuss it. Things are going well though. I have a good job, Squall and I are moving soon, I am getting a car. My ducks are lining up. So why now? Why did I have to receive this now? Why couldn’t this have come when I was not working or unhappy with how things were going? It all comes down to fate and choice. Can you even believe in fate and choice at the same time? Fate is going to happen whether you like it or not. Choice is in your own hands. It is your choice, but what is the path you will go down? I think that there is a destined fate for everyone, with multiple paths, the choices you make decide your fate. This also kind of reminds me of the movie The Adjustment Bureau with Matt Damn and Emily Blunt. 

So what would you do? Leave or stay?

To the future . . .

[gnomelatte]

wow

It has been awhile...

[gnomelatte]

You Ungrateful Platypus

We all know what kind of person we are to some extent.

You either enjoy having things bought for you and you don’t feel bad or

you would like to be spoiled but you can never let yourself actually enjoy it when it happens.

I hope this makes sense, since I am a tad fucked up at the moment. I hate ungrateful people, you know when you go out of your way to be nice and show someone you were just thinking about them. Whether it be a present you bought with money or a something that made you think of that person and you let them know. Some people, well maybe a large amount think that the world and most of the people in it owe them something. That they are entitled to almost everything, that everyone should just do everything for them, but never do the same in return.

So since me and Squall (boyfriend of 6 years for the newcomers) can never wait until the actual day of a holiday to give the other a present. Long story short, I gave him his present a week before and he gave me his the day before Valentine’s day. Now if you have been reading my previous posts I hope that you have realized I am not materialistic, if not then I have been doing a shitty job at being myself. Well anyway, Squall usually doesn’t have a whole bunch of money, but he never ceases to amaze me with his one of a kind, knock me off my feet presents. I just like to know that he put thought into it, that he had me on his mind the whole time he was looking for something, that he cared enough to get or make something. He usually makes me something, he is a great painter, one year for V day he made me this picture thing made up of melted crayons but it was a couple kissing in the rain under an umbrella ( I love the rain) and the skyline of our city in the background. I have everything he ever drew or painted for me hanging up and framed as well. Just to know he thought enough about me that he made those for me. Well any who, he really surprised me today. I was not expecting anything for V day, but he got me the most beautiful necklace, and I cried when I got it. Neither one of us ever spends a whole lot of money on the other, and this time he did. I know it is not about the money he spent, but just knowing that he cared that much about me that he did that. Of all the years we have ever been together I have never gotten anything expensive, and I don’t care. I would rather have the time and love, not the possessions that everyone thinks are supposed to come out of relationships. I know that he would buy me the moon if he could, but if he can’t he will make me feel like I am on it. I guess what I really mean is that, it is the little things in life that everyone takes for granted. 

No one owes you shit, no matter who you are. Even if you are rich, famous, poor, had a shitty life, been unlucky, you grew up happy or privileged.You get dealt a hand, it is up to you how you play the game and how much you bet.

We have this friend named Louis (names are changed as usual, and I can’t remember if I made a name for him yet) that has been with the same girl for about two years or maybe a little longer. Well out of this whole time that they have been together she has had a job for maybe four or five months. Louis has supported her and taken care of her this whole time. He works and does shit he does not want to, to make sure she has a roof over her head and food in her stomach. Now I love this girl, but if it came down to it Louis is my true friend.They do have an odd relationship, but somehow it works. Well I just don’t like how she reacts to him, when he goes out of his way for her. Like, she does not do anything and she gets mad over the dumbest shit, most of the time right after he did something for her that he did not have to do. I don’t care if you have been together for three or thirty years, you do not owe anyone anything, it is just about me respectful, humble and observant. You shouldn’t be nice because you think you should, you should be nice because that is what you expect in return. Okay, I am just rambling now. 

Just appreciate what you have, even if things are horrible and you think that there is no high ground, there is. Be grateful that you are here, that someone somewhere cares about you and you may not even know it. There is at least one person in this world that will appreciate you, it is not always a romantic partner either, or you may not even meet them, but there is someone like you or at least someone who can enjoy everything you do and in every way you approach things.

Alright well I think I am done rambling for now, until next time I guess. Sorry for the horrible grammar and a bunch of commas.

To the future . . .