Hello and welcome to Opinions from an Internet Nobody. Today's essay:
"Ger therapy" is the new "You need Jesus": One Weirdo's Navigation through Cultural Shame
This is a supposedly well-meaning sentiment that is often weaponized against people who are behaving outside of perceived cultural norms. It's a favorite of homophobes who see queerness/transness as a mental illness, but I've been seeing it used to demonize kink (which historically is often linked to queerness), and more generally any "weird" behavior that makes people uncomfortable.
For example, otherkin, systems (especially those with fictives), and people who take fictional characters as partners. Y'know, "weirdos" who "can't separate reality from fiction." And, sure, sometimes there can be a problem with that distinction, but I know as well as you that most internet strangers saying "get therapy" don't actually give a shit about the mental health of those they target. It's code for "your behavior makes me uncomfortable, stop it."
Same sentiment as "you need Jesus."
This has actually taken me a long time to figure out. I've been in therapy for my entire adult life, working through various traumas, severe depression, anxiety, all that. Those were the biggest problems as they negatively impacted, and often endangered, my life. It was only after my hospitalization in 2020, where I was finally put on much needed medication, that I could start to grow into myself.
I changed my name. I top surgery. I came out as polyamorous. I finally got my official autism diagnosis. Now I'm fuckin' married! But... there are still things I'm working through in therapy. Mainly, shame over my "weirder" behaviors. My current therapist has been a huge blessing in helping me accept the things I was too ashamed to admit.
Now, I feel comfortable enough to share.
I'm otherkin. Always have been. My connection to my humanity is tenuous, and I'm sure that's connected to my autism. When mad, I feel phantom horns sprouting from my forehead. I have a tail that swishes back and forth at the base of my spine. In my soul, I am monstrous, and years of therapy has not erased that.
I feel like I'm only half in the physical world most of the time. This doesn't hinder my real-world success (I graduated college Summa Cum Laude, have an IMDB page, and am on my third book), but informs the way I look at the world. There's a whole other universe in my head that hums along with me in my day-to-day. That's part of why I'm so skilled as a writer. To ask me to divorce from that is to tell me to stop existing. Sorry, it's how I've always operated.
Lastly, and this is the one I'm really anxious about, I have a fictional husband. Now, looking at my blog, you might say "yeah, no shit," but I don't just ship myself with him. I mean I practice pop-culture Witchcraft, and the Goblin King is my patron. I mean I have a Labyrinth-themed tarot deck that I talk to him with. I mean I held a ritual to spiritually marry him. Basically, I Snape-wived myself.
And guess what? My therapist isn't concerned. It's not hurting my ability to live my life. I have other interests, hobbies, and goals outside of him, which he actively encourages in all our tarot sessions! I wouldn't be doing this if he didn't support me. My IRL spouse is usually there for whatever magical shit I'm doing, and supports me! Some of my closest friends know, and the only complaint I've gotten is "this guy seems important to you, I wish you told me sooner." Hell, my MOTHER knows and supports me, which is huge, because our relationship was pretty damaged after I came out as trans.
If you have a problem with the way I live my life, when literally nobody else does, take a good long look at why. You don't give a fuck about my mental health. You just don't like that I'm weird.
Tl;dr: My mental health is better than it's ever been since embracing the weird, so leave me and my imaginary husband Marak Sixfinger alone.
Popping in very briefly to be like, hey, same hat, this is fucking awesome for you in multiple respects. Literally SO happy to see you living like this holy shit.
Chanelling the jenny nicholson to add in numbered list form despite me just having woken up and still deciding what reality i am in lmfao but this post spoke to me
1. Yeah no u need jesus is sth i had to deal with and "come to jesus meeting" is genuinely an extremely traumatizing reality that ive had to experience multiple times thru my life (and still do now bc of my current situation) with hyper religious parents.
2. My stance on the phrase "get therapy" (in the dissmissive sense, not the "oh my god youre suffering so much i think therapy could help u unpack trauma & help u build good coping mechanisms, this is a suggestion not a demand" sense) is just.
Wildly dehumanizing and just that. Dismissive. Its the "ew gross cooties ur not normal like us" but in a much grander scale and to me is like, the biggest sign around someones neck that i need to stop associating with them and their kin.
3. On that same note, my rebuttal has always and forever will be "you want me to go to therapy? Pay for it (: heres my venmo" like oh??? U dont wanna do that? Then u arent THAT invested in me as a person or "concerned" about my "mental health". Get lost.
4. Yeah. A good therapist will not give a fuck what ur doing so long as it isnt leading to harmful behaviors towards urself or others. Sure theres no thought crimes (firm believer in this) but standing in front of ur mirror every day and thinking as u look at urself "i hate myself i should die" is definitely a thing ur therapist will be like "hey buddy lets look at this."
But 99.99 times out of 10, if u tell a GOOD i repeat GOOD therapist that ur otherkin/therian whatever the fuck, they will look u dead in the eye and ask two things
1. Thats cool what does that mean/what does that mean to you
2. Is this impacting ur day to day social life and ability to physically function/care for urself
And if thr answer to 2 is a solid no? Theyre gonna give u the thumbs up and go back to helping u figure out ur daddy issues. Idk how to stress this enough but they do not give a fuck so long as u are not impacting urself or other negatively.
Uh ? 4?? Idk where i was.
Snapewives are so fucking cool. I heavily relate to them and god i hope you and your husband have a wonderful rest of your marriage. Hope he blows it out of the park and like, psychically kills ur least favorite oligarch this year for ur birthday.
Anyway sorry if this was Discombobulated i just. I woke up and saw this and needed to make fox screams all over it and then dip back into my hole to continue screaming, but into the dirt this time.
Heres one of my fave videos on the internet as tax, its a gorgeous and extremely respectful deep dive into the snape wivening.
THANK YOU you're so sweet, I hope the best for you too 💗 I'm so glad my post helps you articulate your own feelings, that was my goal! ^^
I also love this video!!!!:D :D
Follow-up to this actually!!!
My bookclub is doing video essay discussions between books, and our second video, upon my suggestion, was this exact Snapewives deep dive. I re-watched it and took some notes to highlight the key differences and similarities between me and the Snapewives.
Similarities:
1. Influencing real-world events and circumstances to help their Earthly partners. Responsible for synchronicities.
2. Canonically powerful magicians/wizards.
3. Meetings/attempted meeting through dream. (They meet through the Astral plane, Marak and I are working on lucid dreaming.)
4. Recognition of the Self through the character. (For me partly gender envy as a trans person, as well as the unintentional autism-coding in Marak. The Snapewives identify with Snape because he's undervalued by his community, like a lot of women are IRL).
5. Character-deity as a teacher figure as well as a lover.
6. Moral complexity and nuance in the character.
7. Based in Pagan practices. (Though there are also parallels to Christian practices in the Snapewives).
8. Alternate timelines. (Their Snape is split in two, my Marak is different from Canon Marak.)
9. Sacred Objects/jewelry.
10. Wedding Rites.
11. Erotica.
Differences:
1. Snape falls under the Byronian hero archetype, being moody, sad, and self-loathing, but also having redeeming moments of doing the right thing. Marak is morally complex, but he's incredibly confident in himself.
2. Snapewives/Snapeists view Snape with a level of reverence beyond a normal romantic relationship. He is an omniscient life-guide and psuedo-deity who should be referred to with deference (Severus, or Master.) I view Marak much like my human spouse, in that he's just a guy. Powerful to a somewhat frightening degree, but still a guy, and not above stupid nicknames.
3. Snape expects obedience and submission from his wives, and makes demands about their weight, hair, and dress. He's also very jealous, with no moral responsibility to be a good person. He will hurt you just as soon as he'd help you. Marak respects me as my own person, and had never made demands about my body. He isn't jealous of my human lovers because he knows who he is, and he adores my Earthly spouse. As a King, he *does* have moral responsibility, and has a strong paternal nature.
4. Not all depictions of Marak are Sacred. I appreciate others art and writings, but I don't consider them representations of My Marak. This goes back to the elevated reverence the Snapewives have for their deity, the difference in timelines, and the simple fact that I don't expect people to treat my husband the same way I do.
5. Snapewives are a group. I practice individually, though I do include my Earthly spouse and friends.
6. On that note, in the essay it's said that the Snapewives had somewhat unhappy Earthly marriages, while I'm very happy with mine.
7. My relationship with Marak also involves a level of inner child work that I don't think the Snapewives were focusing on.
8. I don't know if the Snapewives partake in weed and mushrooms as part of their practices, like I do.
Tl;dr The Snapewives have a god-follower relationship with their pop culture deity, while mine is more akin to a long-distance interdimensional marriage.
