Mid Twenties Disaster.

Leah. Georgia, USA. Originally destined too be a Harry Potter blog. But shit happens. Atrocious potty mouth.

[wordsnquotes]

She’s the exclamation mark in the happiest sentence that I could ever possibly write.

Michael Faudet (via wordsnquotes)

[krusca]

lol there are soulmates and then there are saltmates where u and another person have an unbreakable bond by being salty abt the same things 

[roy-kent]

this cold open is a masterpiece

[leaper182]

I’ve never seen Brooklyn Nine-Nine before, but I love this cold open.

[glassbonespaperskin]

There are some people you’ll never see again. At least, not in the same way

Iain Thomas (via glassbonespaperskin)

[handsyouaclementineslice]

did Harry Potter really have a currency called a knut??? how did preteen (and let’s be real twenty year old) wizards deal w that??

[littorallbones]

“and how are you paying for your preordered copy of “Super Rad And Probably Very Dangerous Beasts And Where To Totally Find Them” by Rubeus Hagrid?

“with deez knuts”

[didyousaymaraudersormurder]

This is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen I’ve been laughing for 5 minutes please send help

[beachdeath]

a few weeks back i looked up the source of “we deserve a soft epilogue, my love” because it’s such a lovely, evocative line and i wanted to know the name of the poet who wrote it and it was. from captain america fanfiction.

[teamcoco]

WATCH: Timothy Olyphant’s Masterclass On Stage Vs. Screen Acting

[abyss-reminisce-blog]

How about if we cuddle and then I make you cum

[goldensnitchesarebitches]

I haven't put my face up here in a while.

[wnq-writers]

I am my lover. I am the one that tends my garden. I am the one I will always say goodnight to last.

Nicholas A Browne (via wnq-writers)

[wordsnquotes]

Only the gentle are ever really strong.

James Dean (via wordsnquotes)

[wnq-writers]

I’m going to love you. You don’t have to love me back. But I’m going to love you with my whole heart. And even if you break my heart, I will always wish the best for you. I’ll love you for me, not for you. Because love is a flower growing in my heart, and if my heart chooses to grow a blue flower for you, I will trust my heart. So I love you. Even if you don’t love me back.

blueemelancholia (via wnq-writers)

[archangelruind]

my friend is studying for the mcat and was just trying to explain to me about heat transfer and she said ‘you know, like the reason you get cold when you go outside on a freezing day is that your tiny human body is trying to warm up the entire universe’ and i think that’s the best thing i have ever heard

[telesilla]

I kind of needed this today. Thank you.

[art--felt]

I remember first learning that you can cry from any emotion, that emotions are chemical levels in your brain and your body is constantly trying to maintain equilibrium. so if one emotion sky rockets, that chemical becomes flagged and signals the tear duct to open as an exit to release that emotion packaged neatly within a tear. Everything made sense after learning that. That sudden stability of your emotions after crying. How crying is often accompanied by the inability to feel any other emotion in that precise moment. And it is especially beautiful knowing that it is even possible to experience so much beauty or love or happiness that your body literally can’t hold on to all of it. So what I’ve learned is that crying signifies that you are feeling as much as humanely possible and that is living to the fullest extent. So keep feeling and cry often and as much as needed

[wishyroses]

SHIT WHAT

[teal-deer]

Also let yourself cry. It really is a biochemical release valve to dump out all the chemicals that make you feel stuff.

I honestly think one reason men in western culture have so many problems is that we don’t let them cry, and literally their brains get stuffed with all this crap that doesn’t have a release valve. Men, please cry. You’ll feel better. It’s ok. You are not lesser for taking care of your health.

[freewillandphysics]

This is why tears from different emotions look different under an electron microscope. They’re literally made up of different things. 

Happy tears are structurally different than sad tears than angry tears than overwhelmed tears etc.

[themotivationjournals]

You must not reduce yourself to a puddle just because the person you like is afraid to swim and you are a fierce sea to them; because there will be someone who was born with love of the waves within their blood, and they will look at you with fear and respect.

T.B. LaBerge, Things I’m Still Learning at 25 (via themotivationjournals)

[bloomflowersbloom]

a baby can be born right now at 12:00, on a wednesday, august 24 in new jersey while another baby is also born in the exact same moment but they are born 9:00, on a tuesday, august 23 in california, these babies that are born at the same moment are technically because of time zones, a concept that we created ourselves, born “hours” apart even though really they are born at the same moment just not the same “time”, one will be considered older even though in actuality they are the same

[2thicc2function]

Wtf

[queenconsuelabananahammock]

[libraford]

dire-sloth

you should have offered them four 12x12 squares and a bottle of glue

As hilarious as that is…

… we’re out of glue. 

Completely out of glue. The glue slime trend that has swept the middle schools in our area has maxed out all outlets of glue from December 18th to today’s date- February 6th. We keep getting shipments of glue, but they only come in 20-bottle boxes and they are completely gone by the time the weekend is out. Children are buying them by the armful. 

And I would find this cute and honestly amazing that these kiddos are getting their first taste of entrepreneurship (mine was in high school, where I made novelty school ID’s) if it weren’t for the involvement of the parents. 

Because the kids are like ‘aw, you don’t have any? Ok. We’ll try somewhere else- thank you! Where’s your glitter?’

The parents… oh gods the parents. 

Calling us up at 9am- “What do you MEAN you don’t have any glue!? ITS A BASIC CRAFT ITEM! YOU HAVE TO HAVE GLUE!”

“You’re telling me that you DON’T CARRY GLUE?”

“I’m calling your corporate office to tell them just how wholly unprepared you all are because this is the fourth store I’ve called and NONE of you have any glue.”

“Can I pre-order? What do you MEAN I have to order from the website?”

“When will you be getting more? You don’t KNOW! HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW!? Two weeks at the EARLIEST!?”

“Can you call me when you get some? YOU CAN’T EVEN CALL ME WHEN YOU GET IT IN?”

I once caught one of our framers taking a call like these and I saw her re-inact Winona Ryder’s entire range of facial expressions a la SAG awards, eventually ending in her left eye going slightly wall when the angry parent finally hung up. 

And there are some that call every single day, asking the same questions and hoping that they’ll get a different answer. But no. I’m sorry. The Glue Fairy didn’t make a surprise visit last night. We did not plant the glue seeds in time for the harvest and now there is a glue famine. The small child that we sent to fetch more glue has been captured by witches- who are now intent on raising her as their own and we wish them luck. 

One day, my brother will have children and they will ask me about the Glue Famine of 2017 and I will recall a very specific instance wherein I could feel flecks of spittle coming through the end of the phone. 

One day I shall die and a team of necromancers will raise me from my crumbling sarcophagus and the very first words from my revived, husk of a maw will be ‘WE ARE STILL OUT OF GLUE, CRETINOUS FILTH!’

And this is how I knew that 2017 was going to be a bad year. Retail-mancy: I divine the fall of our nation by the fact that we are perpetually out of basic adhesives. And its not the children that buy them that make it a problem, but the parents who imagine that we somehow have control over the entire damn glue industry. 

Here. Buy that shit online and teach your children the benefits of buying bulk, because apparently it’s too late for the fucking adults, if my previous encounters with adult entrepreneurs is any indication. 

Why you want to yell at me for telling you the truth is beyond me when you could be putting all that energy towards not sucking. GIT GUD. 

[libraford]

I just learned today that tomorrow our store will be hopping on the glue slime trend and making an end cap to make easy access to our stock of glues, glitters, and I suppose we might be adding borax to our inventory. 

Need I remind you that this is what our glue stock has looked like for the past two months:

We just got some in two days ago and its already gone. 

So you have to imagine the position we’re in here- where we’re advertising glue that does not exist for more than three days every two to four weeks because of these tots are hell-bent on selling slime to their sandbox buddies.

 We’re not selling glue. We’re selling the concept of glue. We are selling the desire for glue. We are inspiring others to covet the glue we do not have. The glue is unknowable. It is invisible, intangible, ineffable. One day the glue uprising shall be upon us, and none shall speak its name. 

So like just in case you didn’t get the message-

We are out of glue.

Glue we are out of. 

Out of glue we are.

We glue of are out.

[libraford]

Because the dozen or so rows where we used to stock our glue is now a gaping cavity of woe, our heathen customers have decided that this is the perfect space to lazily put things that they just suddenly decide they don’t want anymore. And for some ridiculous reason, the most popular thing to leave where an associate can find it is fake flowers. 

Not even the first time this has happened, people. People are attempting to build a memorial to the glue that was, and will never be again. The time of glue has passed, we shall remember it fondly. Ashes to ashes, goop to goop. 

Rest in Particulate, Glue Aisle. 

[libraford]

Its about to get…

…significantly worse. 

[libraford]

I’ve had several people contact me about an email that went out from our company, advertising Glue Slime and giving out a recipe (instead of borax, using baking soda and contact lens solution… I weep for our local optometrists). Luckily, we were sent a large ration of glue on Thursday in preparation for the endcap that we just put up.

And for a moment, the balance was restored. We could rebuild! There was enough glue to fill the dozen or so places in its home and have a good amount for the display. Sadly, we were only given a few bottles of clear glue- which is the one that people really want because…. clear slime. But things were looking better!

But little did we know… 

… President’s Day was coming. 

And the children… needed something to do… 

Here is a photo of the display on Saturday morning. 

And here it is on Monday morning:

They have ravaged our glue surplus to 1/10th. The glue that filled its home space is completely gone. I am honestly surprised that the meager 40 bottles we have left are still there, and by the time I finish writing this- they may not be. 

Why would you do this to us, Mr President?

So while we have those 40 bottles, we can at least fend off the screaming parents, but I anticipate that a considerable amount of screaming will have already started by the time I start my shift this afternoon. 

I shall scream as well. 

I scream, they scream- we all scream into the yawning void of the glue section in hopes that the Elmer, God of Cheap Adhesives, will hear our cries and grant us the glue we so desperately yearn for. We shall be united in our despair. 

[libraford]

We have reached a place in our glue stock where we are consistently keeping up with demand, more or less. We get it in on Wednesday, they all come in on the weekend and we’re out by Monday- giving people one day to bitch and moan because what would these people do if they weren’t allowed to scream at us for a whole thirty seconds?

Well, I came in to work on Wednesday and I found this at our customer service desk:

Look out world- we have the gallons!

People asked for the gallons of glue, they got the gallons of glue. 

There were 20 of them on that endcap. I saw a woman buy three of them at once (and of course she wanted to use a coupon on each and every one of them because ‘gosh- who knew that glue would be so expensive!’ Like… lady- you’re getting this at 20 cents an ounce if you get it without a coupon. It’s not expensive, you’re just a cheapskate.)

By the end of Wednesday, they were all gone. We sold 20 gallons of glue in four hours. People were laying down $60 for glue. I could feel my Great Depression-raised grandpa shaking his head from…. I dunno, probably Purgatory.

Now the entire area knows that we have the glue gallons- the word has spread. But we don’t have them in stock and guess what emotions they have over it! If you guessed ‘anger’ then you’re right! So they do what they’ve always done when they need a literal gallon of glue and there are no gallons of glue to be had: they buy a ton of individual bottles. 

But now knowing that there is an easier way to do this that is yet inaccessible to them fills them with ennui, and as they walk through the store their excitement over their hoard wanes and they put some of it back. 

Now, any person of the retail-worker persuasion will tell you that a customer never puts an item back where they’re supposed to. That would be, frankly, preposterous. So instead, as they lose their grip on their desire for glue, they leave a single bottle where it is most convenient to them- a symbol of their defeat. 

This is a fancy way of saying that I found a bottle of glue in every aisle one night because someone got pissy about not being able to buy it by the gallon and forgot to get a basket. 

[breelandwalker]

THE EPIC SAGA CONTINUES

[thenumbergenerator]

how the fuck did we get from 12x12 squares of paper the the glue famine

[libraford]

Embrace the absurdity or be doomed by it.