Breath of the Writer

I'm Mara. I'm aspiring to be a professional author, so I'll be posting some original stuff here. If you could leave any kind of feedback, I would greatly appreciate it! Thank you!! 

[voughtwifeannie]

Zoom In, Don’t Glaze Over: How to Describe Appearance Without Losing the Plot

You’ve met her before. The girl with “flowing ebony hair,” “emerald eyes,” and “lips like rose petals.” Or him, with “chiseled jawlines,” “stormy gray eyes,” and “shoulders like a Greek statue.”

We don’t know them.

We’ve just met their tropes.

Describing physical appearance is one of the trickiest — and most overdone — parts of character writing. It’s tempting to reach for shorthand: hair color, eye color, maybe a quick body scan. But if we want a reader to see someone — to feel the charge in the air when they enter a room — we need to stop writing mannequins and start writing people.

So let’s get granular. Here’s how to write physical appearance in a way that’s textured, meaningful, and deeply character-driven.

1. Hair: It’s About Story, Texture, and Care

Hair says a lot — not just about genetics, but about choices. Does your character tame it? Let it run wild? Is it dyed, greying, braided, buzzed, or piled on top of her head in a hurry?

Good hair description considers:

Texture (fine, coiled, wiry, limp, soft)

Context (windblown, sweat-damp, scorched by bleach)

Emotion (does she twist it when nervous? Is he ashamed of losing it?)

Flat: “Her long brown hair framed her face.”

Better: “Her ponytail was too tight, the kind that whispered of control issues and caffeine-fueled 4 a.m. library shifts.”

You don’t need to romanticise it. You need to make it feel real.

2. Eyes: Less Color, More Connection

We get it: her eyes are violet. Cool. But that doesn’t tell us much.

Instead of focusing solely on eye color, think about:

What the eyes do (do they dart, linger, harden?)

What others feel under them (seen, judged, safe?)

The surrounding features (dark circles, crow’s feet, smudged mascara)

Flat: “His piercing blue eyes locked on hers.”

Better: “His gaze was the kind that looked through you — like it had already weighed your worth and moved on.”

You’re not describing a passport photo. You’re describing what it feels like to be seen by them.

3. Facial Features: Use Contrast and Texture

Faces are not symmetrical ovals with random features. They’re full of tension, softness, age, emotion, and life.

Things to look for:

Asymmetry and character (a crooked nose, a scar)

Expression patterns (smiling without the eyes, habitual frowns)

Evidence of lifestyle (laugh lines, sun spots, stress acne)

Flat: “She had a delicate face.”

Better: “There was something unfinished about her face — as if her cheekbones hadn’t quite agreed on where to settle, and her mouth always seemed on the verge of disagreement.”

Let the face be a map of experience.

4. Bodies: Movement > Measurement

Forget dress sizes and six packs. Think about how bodies occupy space. How do they move? What are they hiding or showing? How do they wear their clothes — or how do the clothes wear them?

Ask:

What do others notice first? (a presence, a posture, a sound?)

How does their body express emotion? (do they go rigid, fold inwards, puff up?)

Flat: “He was tall and muscular.”

Better: “He had the kind of height that made ceilings nervous — but he moved like he was trying not to take up too much space.”

Describing someone’s body isn’t about cataloguing. It’s about showing how they exist in the world.

5. Let Emotion Tint the Lens

Who’s doing the describing? A lover? An enemy? A tired narrator? The emotional lens will shape what’s noticed and how it’s described.

In love: The chipped tooth becomes charming.

In rivalry: The smirk becomes smug.

In mourning: The face becomes blurred with memory.

Same person. Different lens. Different description.

6. Specificity is Your Superpower

Generic description = generic character. One well-chosen detail creates intimacy. Let us feel the scratch of their scarf, the clink of her earrings, the smudge of ink on their fingertips.

Examples:

“He had a habit of adjusting his collar when he lied — always clockwise, always twice.”

“Her nail polish was always chipped, but never accidentally.”

Make the reader feel like they’re the only one close enough to notice.

Describing appearance isn’t just about what your character looks like. It’s about what their appearance says — about how they move through the world, how others see them, and how they see themselves.

Zoom in on the details that matter. Skip the clichés. Let each description carry weight, story, and emotion. Because you’re not building paper dolls. You’re building people.

[girlsjustwannadrawwhump]

Magic/sci-fi anything method that allows whumpees friends/team to visually see whumpees memories and find out first hand what brutal torture they've been through my beloved

[cogneartive]

i need him tortured and bleeding on it

[seth-whumps]

coughing up blood trope but the blood is a different color than it's supposed to be send post

[seth-whumps]

no I'm not done with this actually

frothy, white and pink, like something rabid, accompanied by maddened eyes, by heavy breathing, by unfiltered, raw terror

black and thin like ink, like a curse from within, like the very essence of life is removed from the bloodstream and replaced with something else

black and thick like coffee grounds, like the inner workings of your organs are tearing themselves apart, like you have very little time left to live at all

blue, choked, horrifically stale blue. something is deeply, deeply wrong with you. are you breathing? why aren't you breathing?

milky white and it's not supposed to be that way, you were always told you bleed red. but now it's on your hands and your lips and they're looking at you and knowing you're made of metal. say goodbye to your humanity; you were never deserving of it anyway.

something neon and glowing and radioactive that pools in your hands and the irises of your eyes, that transforms you, that takes hold and plays your puppet strings. the newest zombie in the apocalypse.

ichor gold. you have been made into something holy. whatever you were doesn't matter. what do the gods ask of you? spill your blood on the altar. this is what you were made into. be grateful. die pretty.

coughing up blood trope my beloved. MY BELOVED

[digital-nova]

i need help. how do i describe a cough????? im trying to so hard but i can’t do it. i cant just have “then he started coughing and it was bad”

pls help meeee

for context it’s a very sudden cough from character who is very sick. like. feeble victorian man with scarlet fever type sick

[whatiswhump]

If it’s wet, are they coughing up stuff, is that hard to listen to? Crackly and gravely and wet, is it difficult for them to breathe with all of the fluid in their lungs?

If it’s dry does it sound like pointless hacks, painful and empty with an odd cracking sound? Or is it rushed and urgent if not still a bit pathetic bc they need more air so they’re trying to finish so they can inhale again? If it’s dry, has it been hanging on for months, the threat of a tumor or scarring of the lungs or something else very wrong looming?

Are they embarrassed? Is it loud but they’re trying to be quiet but doing a poor job of even that?

Do they wheeze in between? Embarrassing them so they take lighter breaths than their already limited ones to be quieter but it makes their finger tips and toes bluish in color from the lack of oxygen?

[digital-nova]

i’m dead on the floor these are all so good. that first one is sounding particularly fitting

tysm for the suggestions !!!!!

(btw ur one of my favourite whump blogs so. i’m fangirling a little rn)

[whatiswhump]

That’s so nice! I feel I’ve been very inactive as of late so that’s so kind of you to say. I enjoyed taking a look at your writing!

[guessihaveawhumpblognow]

When a character who normally has a silver tongue and a quick wit is speechless.

When an expressive character who wears their heart on their sleeve goes still, face blank.

When a character who is quick to solve problems with their fists drops their hands to their side, frozen.

Just the sudden absence of something that is always there, in both the good and the bad.

Gone in an instant.

[strawberrycircuits]

chosen one not as in the one the prophecy foretold but as in lamb to the slaughter. as in the only person both brave and foolish enough to do it. chosen one as in sculpted, molded to be the perfect sacrifice to something expertly, divinely crafted to annihilate you wholly and surely. chosen one as in taken away. chosen one as in death sentence. chosen one as in goodbye

[nosongunsung11]

collection of posts for a very specific dynamic

[alex-wrtng]

Dialogue tips that actually work:

You are not writing a movie (ignore this if you are). The reader doesn't need to know every word the characters say for the duration of the story. Less is more.

Dialogue can happen within the prose. "And they awkwardky discussed the weather for five minutes" is way better than actually writing five pages of dialogue about the weather.

Balance your dialogues. Surprise yourself with a monosyllabic answe to a dialogue that's ten sentences long. Don't be afraid of letting your character use half a page for a reply or nothing at all!

Don't write accents phonetically, use slang and colloquialisms if needed.

Comma before "said" and no caps after "!?" unless it's an action tag. Study dialogue punctuation.

Learn the difference between action tags and dialogue tags. Then, use them interchangeably (or none at all).

Don't be afraid to use said. Use said if characters are just saying things, use another word if not. Simple. There's no need to use fancy synonyms unless absolutely necessary.

Not everyone talks the same way so it makes sense for your characters to use certain words more often than others. Think of someone who says "like" to start every sentence or someone who talks really slow. Be creative.

Use prose to slow down the pace during a conversation.

Skip prose to speed up the pace during a conversation.

[uhhsnail]

I love a character raised to be a weapon as much as the next guy. But what really gets me is a character raised to be a shield. Who can’t fathom being needed—or even being wanted— beyond keeping others safe. Who believe they are alive only to insure someone doesn’t die. no matter the cost. Characters who self-sacrifice not because they think they deserve it, but because no one else does deserve it, and it’s their job to protect.

Characters who’ve been told that’s why your important. Your worth something because this other person/ thing is important, and you are here solely to keep them safe.

Bonus points if it’s not a legitimate job they’ve been given. Maybe at one point it was, but now that they are free from it, they haven’t given up that mentality. No one is forcing or asking them to do this, but they need to. They need to in order to be deserving.

[hold-on-a-little-longer-whump]

I see your lab whump and raise you this scenario:

The character that has been held captive is unwell. They have long since given up the possibility of being rescued. The Coats (i.e., the doctors and staff) have been too harsh, their procedures too intensive, and it all comes to a head during their latest session. All life-saving efforts are unsuccessful. Disappointed and frustrated, they order the body to be taken down to the morgue.

Only - the captive is not dead. A member of staff, whether it be a recently promoted intern or an undercover friend of the captive's or even a member of the janitorial crew, knew that they couldn't leave the captive like this. Secretly, they had dosed the captive with a medication that would slow their heart rate. Perhaps the rescuer watched from the sidelines during those nail-biting moments, or perhaps they were playing a part of the team trying to resuscitate the captive.

Now, they're away from prying eyes and security in the morgue and finally - finally they're able to administer the counteragent. The effects are nearly immediate and the captive is gasping and trying to sit up, heart crashing around in their chest as they try to get their bearings because what is this place? Why does my head hurt? Who is that person? Why is it so cold?

Their rescuer shushes them and tries to keep them from standing because they know they'll fall if they try. It's remarkably difficult to be gentle while they're in a rush, but they try their best.

"I know, I know. I need you to listen to me, okay? Are you listening?" The rescuer says, stepping aside to open the metal cabinet. Inside is a stash of clothing they had hidden there weeks ago. They quickly begin to help the captive get dressed, minding what wounds they have.

"Where are we going?" The captive manages to whisper, their voice hoarse and eyes haunted.

The rescuer smiles grimly, as they help them into a lab coat. "Someplace safe. Someplace away from here. Now, do everything as I say."

[the-bar-sinister]

Whumpee lying flat on their back, staring straight up with an increasingly vacant look in their eyes.

Recovering whumpee laying flat on their back, staring up vacantly up as they numbly relive the details of their experiences.

Bleeding whumpee laying flat on their back, staring vacantly up as they feel themselves losing more and more blood.

Beaten whumpee laying flat on their back, staring vacantly upwards as they realize that it's useless to try to keep going or fight back now.

[saintsofviolence]

Caretaker going to rescue whumpee, but when they reach their cell they're so unrecognizable (beat up, or whumper had some kind of transformation magic) that caretaker skips past and leaves them there...

[sufrimientilia]

incapacitation

content warning

drugs that make a character woozy and disoriented. slurring words and falling slack, everything too heavy and confusing and muffled

blown pupils, wandering eyes, breathing too much or too little. sweating, shaking, puking, so limp and pale it’s almost like they’re dead

fevers so high a character's mind just turns to mush. glossy eyes tracking the ceiling, listless and unaware until eventually there's sweat sticking all over the sheets and they start mumbling some vague responses to caretaker's questions

tranquilizer dart that brings a character down all at once. one sudden jerk or look of confusion, not enough time to glance at it much less pull it out before eyes are rolling back and they collapse into the dirt

tranquilizer dart that comes on slowly. pulling it out and running and running until each step becomes too uncoordinated, stumbling or getting dragged along by a teammate until even their begging to stay awake, let's go, becomes hazy and distant

struck so hard that everything rings in one ugly roar. staggering or falling, told to sit down, just stay down. so confused and lost, repeating the same questions and forgetting the answer over and over and over again

character so messed up they struggle to follow any part of the conversation. everything too heavy and confusing and muffled, just useless and incoherent and completely oblivious to the situation

nervous prodding or pleading by caretaker, begging them to just stay awake or focus

jostled around by captor, told to get the fuck up and follow orders, easily manhandled around and restrained

mumbling nonsense and spilling secrets. stoic characters without any masks, so confused and broken and vulnerable, slipping and powerless in every sort of way

"you're okay, i promise you're okay"

“ah, shit. you’re a mess—”

“I guess you won’t remember this anyways…”

gaze drifting and blank, too faraway to track anything caretaker/captor is saying. nudged and prodded and pleaded at to no avail, just incoherent and out of it

too weak to move. beaten absolutely senseless or bleeding all over the place, a character just hurting and spent beyond means and sprawled flat against the ground

getting dragged along or stepped on, pinned down as if they're in any state to go anywhere

hypnotized and stunned into mindlessness. repeated mantras and rewired thoughts, a character made pliable and blank and used like a puppet

paralyzed but fully aware, left slack and useless and desperate with limp muscles and depressed breathing. assumed dead and abandoned, grieved over or dumped aside like a corpse, forced to watch and unable to do anything

poisoned and just getting worse and worse. teammates desperately looking for a cure while character deteriorates, puking and passing out and getting high fevers, hallucinating and begging for relief

characters taken out of commission when they're otherwise the strongest one. exposed to a weakness, given magical restraints or cuffs with neural suppressors to keep them docile, targeted and taken out

vertigo taking a character side to side, brought down and useless

[whumpster-dumpster]

"Maybe I was better off...Maybe we were all better off when I couldn't remember."

[retrogamingblog2]

[lumpywhump]

So like... a living weapon on trial. The weapon is no where near healed not at all, hasn't done anything for their self since they were rescued. And weapon facing trial for the acts they committed. The most crucial piece of evidence of why weapon shouldn't be punished are the tapes of their training. When the tapes are being shown, weapon shocks everyone and begins crying.

OR

weapon has barely asked for anything, only things they really need. So when they are on trial, they ask to not be in the room when the tapes are played. When weapon comes back in, their stomach curls at the pitying faces surrounding them. Some people are even crying.