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lanimaluu

schtinkybeanz

Zack in da microwave

schtinkybeanz

Zack in da microwave

holidaygirlelly

Zack looks at Cloud with so much love in his eyes.

altocat

Ever Crisis is officially over in October. The game is shutting down and ending service after the completed adaptation of Before Crisis.

Thank you to the devs for all your hard work. Despite my issues with the game, First Soldier was worth it. I'll always be grateful to the game for expanding on Sephiroth's story. And adding so many fun memories, both here and within the fandom.

Most of all, I'm so glad I was able to recap for you guys. I hope you enjoyed my coverage. It was a pleasure from beginning to end. Here's hoping we get an offline version or an official port of First Soldier in the far future.

Until then.

See you, space cowboys.

holidaygirlelly

Genesis Rhapsodos becomes so much funnier when you read into him as someone who has a hyper fixation on his favorite play to such a strong degree that he wants to re-enact it.

rottenpumpkin13

heeey, so..... uhm........ do u have...... like hc for angeal?...... like.... i miss him a lot.........

Ok you know how in Crisis Core Gillian knew Angeal referred to Zack as a “puppy” because he wrote to her? Well it’s my hc that he literally wrote to his mom about everything and everyone just to keep her involved in his life. Unfortunately, this means the most classified information about the strongest SOLDIERs on the planet gets mailed directly to a little house in Banora on a weekly basis.

*Angeal hands Sephiroth a neatly-wrapped container*

Angeal: Hey, my mom sent these medicinal cookies in for you. I told her about that weird skin rash you’ve been dealing with that you refuse to see Hojo for. She said elphadunk leaf extract clears it right up, but it has to be baked into flour to activate.

Sephiroth: Wait... You told your mother about my skin irritation? A medical anomaly I shared with you in strict confidence, and you just mailed it to Banora?

Angeal: Yeah! I figured she’d know what to do, and look at that, she did! Totally worth it.

Sephiroth: It’s absolutely not worth it. Having my biological data leaked to a civilian stranger is a massive security breach, Angeal. Does your mother even have a medical degree? I don’t think so.

Angeal: She does, actually.

Sephiroth: Oh.

*Sephiroth cracks open the container lid just as Genesis furiously storms into the room*

Genesis: Angeal! Did you tell your mother about that utterly disastrous blind date I went on two nights ago!?

Angeal: I did! You were so upset about it, I figured she’d have some solid maternal perspective.

Genesis: She put me in Banora’s weekly bachelorette and bachelor matchmaking column! Like I’m some desperate, unlovable peasant! My parents already called me this morning and gave me an absolute earful about ruining the family name!

Angeal: What’s the big deal? That column has a great success rate. That’s how the local baker’s son met his wife! Just give it a few days, you’ll get a letter when they find your optimal match.

Genesis: I did get the letter! Look at this!

*He aggressively shoves a pink piece of parchment directly into Angeal’s face*

Genesis: Read it aloud!

Angeal, squinting: “Dear Genesis, we’re thrilled you’ve joined the Banora Matchmaking Service. We are pleased to inform you that we have found your perfect, algorithmically verified soulmate, ANGEAL HEWLEY!?” SHE PUT ME IN THE COLUMN TOO!

Genesis: I KNOW! Do you have any idea what this means?? Our mothers are going to talk, expectations will be set, and we are going to be socially forced to get married by harvest season! Sephiroth, dear friend, start looking for a date to our wedding immediately BECAUSE WE’RE SCREWED.

Sephiroth, chewing: I’ll just go as Mrs. Hewley’s plus-one.

Angeal: OVER MY DEAD BODY—

rottenpumpkin13

Since it’s Gackt's birthday, I guess the same goes for our dear Genesis :D How is his day going? 🤗

*Genesis is taking a coffee break when Zack nervously shuffles up to him, scratching the back of his neck*

Zack: Hey, uh...Genesis? So, I know it’s your birthday today. I was just wondering... what do you actually want? Like, as a gift?

Genesis: You don’t have to get me anything, puppy.

Zack: No, but I have to! I always get my friends birthday gifts. It’s a rule!

Genesis: And since when are we friends?

Zack: We are! Because Angeal is my mentor and my friend, which basically makes you my friend by association.

Genesis: That is absolutely not how it works. Besides, I already possess everything a man could ever desire. My life is one of pure abundance. No one needs to get me anything, and frankly, what I do want, you wouldn’t be able to provide.

*Sephiroth and Angeal round the corner. Sephiroth clears his throat and lets out a tiny, completely normal cough*

Angeal: There you go again. You’re sick, aren’t you? And it’s all because you ignored me when I told you to wear a sweater before you took that mission this morning.

Sephiroth: It’s just a cough, Angeal. Not everything has to be a byproduct of your infinite wisdom.

Angeal: Why’d you say “infinite wisdom” like that?

Sephiroth: Like what?

Angeal: In that mocking tone! I try to look out for you and that’s how you repay me??

Sephiroth: You’re not entitled to my obedience and I don’t owe you anything.

Angeal: Wrap that phrase up and gift it to Hojo once you find the gall.

Sephiroth, summoning Masamune: Repeat that, I dare you.

Zack, instantly panicking: GUYS! GUYS, STOP! Please don’t fight! Not right now! Not in front of your best friend on his birthday! You guys are supposed to be the legendary trio, you can’t just tear each other apart over a cough! Angeal, calm down! Sephiroth, put the sword away!

Sephiroth: ...And scene. How did we do?

Genesis, wiping away a tear: That was beautiful. The raw emotion, the pacing, the sheer unadulterated melodrama.

Angeal: Happy Birthday! Glad you liked it.

Zack: Wait... what? You... you asked them for a fake performance piece for your birthday!?

Genesis: Yes. It’s the only thing of actual value on this godforsaken planet. Real art.

Zack: That’s so scummy! You can’t just manufacture fake fights for your own personal entertainment!

Genesis: Well, if you’re still desperate to get me a birthday gift— go to Director Lazard’s office and passionately beg for paternal leave because you accidentally got someone pregnant.

Zack, no hesitation: Let me call Cloud and ask him to cross-dress as the girl to make it convincing.

rottenpumpkin13

Anything to add about the Firsts' dnd campaign ?

*Tseng catches Reno pressed against the wall, holding a listening device and a radio transmitter*

Tseng: Should I even bother asking?

Reno: Shhh! Keep your voice down! I finally found a frequency that catches the audio wave in the vents. It leads straight down into that vacant boardroom on the 49th.

Tseng: Don’t you have something better to do with your time? Such as your actual job?

Reno: Hey, this is my job! I’m tracking highly suspicious, unvetted activity. Word on the street is Sephiroth and those two friends of his have been holed up in there for five nights straight after hours. I know they’re plotting something shady, and I’m gonna get to the bottom of it.

Tseng: You just want gossip material for tea time with Rude.

Reno: Okay, that too, but—shhh, look, I’m getting a signal!

*The radio crackles with static before settling on the audio*

Genesis: No, you two are going about this all wrong. If we want this to succeed, we need to completely eliminate the royal guard before the sun rises. We need to plan and execute the murder flawlessly.

Sephiroth: I volunteer to handle the decapitation. If I strike from the shadows, the town council won’t have time to alert the higher authorities.

Tseng: OH MY GOD THEY’RE PLANNING A COUP

Reno: SHHH!

Angeal: Sephiroth, we can’t just slaughter the entire governing body of the village. We’re supposed to be saving the realm. Besides, my conscience won’t allow me to tolerate another senseless bloodbath.

Genesis: If we don’t usurp the local throne by midnight, the entire campaign is a failure. Roll for initiative, Sephiroth. Let’s see if your blade meets their necks.

Sephiroth: I’ll aim to kill.

Reno: Aw man, what do we do!???

Tseng: Leave it to me.

*Tseng quickly types something into his PHS*

Tseng: All units, this is Tseng. We have a Level 1 internal security breach on the 49th floor. The First Class commanders are executing a hostile takeover and planning to assassinate the president.

(MEANWHILE)

*In the vacant board room. The three of them are sitting at a table covered in character sheets, dice, and half-empty bags of chips. Genesis is wearing a literal velvet wizard cloak*

Genesis: Minerva preserve us. Sephiroth, your stealth attack is so devastating that you completely vaporized the goblin king.

Sephiroth: Incredible. And what of the local wildlife? Do I get to keep the baby griffin we found in the courtyard?

Angeal: Yes, Sephiroth. You successfully tamed the griffin. Write it down on your inventory sheet.

Sephiroth: Wonderful!

*The doors slam open with a loud bang. Director Lazard bursts into the room*

Lazard: HAVE YOU ALL LOST YOUR MINDS?!

Sephiroth: Director, we don’t understand—

Lazard: YOU’RE PLANNING A COUP AND DIDN’T INVITE ME!?

Sephiroth:

Genesis:

Angeal: