this was one of those “cute, fluffy, immediate instinct” vs. “better, darker, secondary instinct” battles… guess who won??!! guess who always wins?!?!!
warning for discussion of depression
“Oh! Hey, honey, are you awake?”
“I didn’t think you’d still be home. Was class cancelled today?” Kurt drops his bag next to the dresser and circles around the bed to where Blaine is curled up under the blankets in their darkened room. He sure wishes he’d gotten to sleep in with his husband today, but he’s just returning from a night shift at the diner.
Blaine’s hair is wild and ungelled where it pokes up from the covers. He stirs, slowly, moving the blanket off himself a little, but he doesn’t get up. Then he raises tired, wet-looking eyes towards Kurt and sighs, “No.”
All at once, it clicks in Kurt’s head. Blaine’s looking away from him now, shame written all over his expression. Kurt hates that face, hates the fact that Blaine blames himself for this thing that follows him around and overtakes him like a stubborn raincloud covering the sun, or an anchor dragging him underwater, or… or any of the cliches Kurt comes up with when he tries to give the enemy a face.
“I’m sorry,” Blaine says, though he doesn’t need to. He never needs to, not for this.
Kurt wants to fight this thing himself, and can’t. Blaine’s depression frustrates him to no end, because he has no idea how to help, but Kurt knows that his frustration is nothing to Blaine’s, having to live with it. “I’m sorry, B. Everything I can think of feels… insufficient. I don’t know what to say.”
“Then don’t say anything.”
Kurt quietly peels out of his waiter uniform and, needing to do something with his hands, goes to their bathroom to wash and moisturize his face. The resign in Blaine’s voice might be what hurts most right now. He feels so useless on days like this, even though Blaine always tells Kurt that it’s not his responsibility to deal with his issues, as though that means it’s Blaine’s own responsibility to magically overcome on his own. As though Kurt could ever let him go through this alone.
Kurt leaves the bathroom and slides under the covers on his side, then scoots over to Blaine and spoons up behind him.
Blaine immediately rolls over to face him and tucks in close against his chest, curling an arm around Kurt’s waist when Kurt wraps his arms around his shoulders. “I’m sorry I’m like this.”
It’s no use telling Blaine not to apologize. So, Kurt does what they always do when words fail them. He kisses Blaine’s temple and, as softly as he can, sings into his ear: “When the sun shines, we’ll shine together. Told you I’ll be here forever. Said I’ll always be your friend, took an oath, I’mma stick it out ‘til the end…”
Blaine makes a wet-sounding, sniffly noise.
“Now that it’s raining more than ever, know that we’ll still have each other. You can stand under my umbrella, you can stand under my umbrella… Come on, where’s my duet partner?”
Blaine sniffles again and sighs, his breath hot on Kurt’s neck. “Ella, ella, ey ey ey, under your umbrella…”
“Just mine? You don’t have an umbrella, B?”
“Okay, no problem. We can fit under mine, we just have to stay close.”
Blaine clings tighter. Kurt feels him smile against his skin.
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
stormborns
