GreenPorkChop

she/her. love bl/yaoi with a passion. current obsession: baelor/maekar and all the ao3 fics of them. a bit of everything will be reposted. a shy and awkward user, will almost never see an original post.

[greenporkchop]

You know the worst thing for me at the moment ?

There are not enough Baelor/Maekar fanfics being published/updated on Ao3 at a rate to quench my thirst. 😫😳🤤

I am so obsessed with this pair that I am actively stalking the tag on A03 hourly. I am not reading any of my books towards my 2026 reading goal, as I am just so far gone for these two. 👀❤️😍

I am such a purist for them that I absolutely refuse to even read fics where they have a third (like Dunk or Lyonel or Daemon) or them with an original character. Nope nope.✊🏻

Baelor is Maekar's and Maekar is Baelor's. I am OK with them with Jena/Dyanna but only if Baelor and Maekar are the main pairing. And end up together. 🤭

AND NOT TO MENTION

The angst at waiting for updates to amazing older fics (published shortly after akotsk first aired) where the authors probably forgot about their fics in the months since or have insane writers' block. 🤔

I am still here frothing at the mouth for a continuation. Or even a little crumb of 100 words. 😭😇

I am at the point where I am kind of giving up hope on having closure to these fics. Or just end up re-reading them yet again. Or just dreaming of possible endings/situations as I am most notably not a writer. At all.

So yeah. Thanks to those who still feed my obsession. You have my heart, my future firstborn and even my hypothetical lottery money because let me tell ya...if I had the money, I would absolutely pay fanfic authors to write endings to my most beloved fics! Or my fave authors to keep on pumping them out. 👌👏🥳🥹

[voyage-of-the-porn-spreader]

tgis is so fucking funny to me. they accidentally Rock Lee'd a retired racehorse

[voyage-of-the-porn-spreader]

imagine youre a fat horse and your new neighbour is a personal trainer

[voyage-of-the-porn-spreader]

horse that reads Marcus Aurelius

[voyage-of-the-porn-spreader]

I was wrong. they didnt rock lee him. this horse is literally Gai. and i wish he was my dad

[ho-mad]

Would Aerion rather be with a 18y kitty pajamas hedge knight or a 25y goth kingsguard? Ooo, decisions... decisions... 🫠

[depsidase]

[kittydealer]

u/Fine-Dog-9874

[greenporkchop]

Down bad with the flu, currently on bed rest. 🫠😷🤧

Just started feeling better after 3 months of battling another round with the Covid plague. 😵‍💫🫪

Being severely immuno-compromised fucking sucks. Having multiple chronic illnesses fucking sucks. 😨

Feels like this 24/7 tbh:

[willgrahamscock]

sometimes you think yeah i'm over this hyperfixation then you log onto tumblr dot com and your mutual is blorbo posting in such a niche and perverted way that it relights the flame for another decade

[butter-n-breadrolls]

the other elves welcoming Legolas in Valinor

[gamergirl-lumine]

Frodo: *speaks Elvish*

Legolas: The heck was that?

Aragorn: He said good morning.

Legolas: He did?

Frodo: I thought you would… understand that?

Legolas: I’ve never heard someone speak like that before…it was strange, and stilted, and you used full words the whole time.

Aragorn: Elves may sound fancy to us, Frodo, but they speak slang, and almost exclusively in metaphors.

Frodo: Oh.

Legolas: Aragorn has described it as ‘a monstrosity of a language’.

Gimli: Dwarves have a better language.

Legolas: You do.

Gimli: Ha! You admit- wait, you admit it?

Legolas: Elves curse by using the names of trees. Tree names! You have actually cusses. Do you know what I would give to cuss, just once in my life, Gimli? Do you know what I would give to tell someone to f- f- f- I can’t even say it.

Gimli: You can’t say fuck?

Legolas: …I have an idea.

-

Legolas: The-

Gimli: Fuck.

Legolas: -are you talking about?

Boromir: Why did we let the dwarf start swearing for the elf?

Aragorn: Because I can’t wait to see Thranduil’s face when he finds out.

[lotharbarbarian]

Lord of the rings from Saurons perspective is a fucking fever dream because he started by reforming his essence into some physical form in mirkwood and before he even has enough strength to feel that the ring was even in the same forest as him he gets chased off by a group of wizards and elves looking to fuck some shit up. There goes his plan to get a dragon on his side

So he holds up in mordor gathering a new army, and only after about a century is he strong enough to do cool magic shit again, by that time however the ring hadnt been used in decades so there were no whispers of it except oops we found this weird little fucker who keeps yelling about his fucking precious, better go check out “shire baggins” whatever the fuck that is

So he finds out a fucking hobbit has his ring which in middle earth terms is like finding out mr magoo has your fucking nuclear launch codes. So he starts sending wave after wave of his own men to get the ring and they keep failing cause this fucking hobbit has friends. He has his homie saruman send some uruk-hai to get them and then sends some goblins to make sure everything goes right but for no apparent reason they stop reporting in, (something about horses and trees?) so he sends a guy to ask saruman straight out wheres my fucking ring and saruman straight up lies about it. Next thing he hears saruman has launched an all our invasion of rohan with 10000 uruk-hai so rip the bronies right? Nope the next day his army is defeated and saruman has fucking vanished.

Confused as fuck now sauron gets a fucking phone call from a god damn hobbit (ITS YOU!) but all he gets out of the little sovereign citizen is some shit about “i do not answer questions” and next thing he hears the hobbit has gone to fucking gondor. Alright send fucking everything we got, take gondor do whatever it takes get my fucking ring back. And what does he have to worry about right? After all even if rohan helps he’ll still win. Wtf is that an army of ghosts???!?!?!?

So then hes sitting there with his diminished army trying to figure out his next plan of attack and he gets another fucking phone call from the god damn great grandson of the prick who cut off his ring in the first place. “Oi cunt i got ur ring and im gonna fuc u up m8!” *click*

Goody he thinks, this arrogant sob is gonna bring my ring right to me, time to throw everything i got at this bastard. So then the fight starts hes super excited cause hes clearly winning and OH DEAR GOD MY RING IS IN THE VOLCANO HOW THE FU- *dies*

Now hes a weird ghost thing that cant ever do anything but lament how big a prick he is

[supertaliart]

Happy May the Fourth! I added a second page to this comic from last year!

[the-zenith-calls]

My favorite scenes in the LotR books are the ones where Legolas has vital information and just decides it's not important to share.

Like when Gandalf spent literal PAGES trying to figure out why the vibes were off in Moria and Legolas chimes in with just "it's a balrog :) that shit's evil :) we're so fucked :)" like what do you MEAN you knew already and just didn't tell him??

Or at the beginning of Two Towers when Aragorn thinks there's something nearby so he puts his ear to the ground to listen, and then like 10 minutes later is like "hmmm i hear horses" and Legolas is just like "mm yep. there are 105 blond bitches with spears" like you just let your friend put his face in the dirt and you can SEE them??

Legolas please gain a sense of urgency

[asneakyfox]

one of my favorite bits in lord of the rings is something the movies didn't really try to do because it's entirely internal, but sam's carrying the ring and it starts trying to do its work on him, so he's having these intrusive visions of himself marching at the head of a vast and terrible army, and he just starts laughing because, me? samwise gamgee? sam gamgee the general sam gamgee the dark lord are you for real? man i just want to go home and do some gardening. and the ring gets frustrated and it starts trying to figure out other stuff that would actually tempt sam and it's finally like, okay, but hear me out: imagine if you could have...A REALLY REALLY BIG GARDEN

[mikesseleven]

And so, the woman dies. The woman dies so the man can be sad about it. The woman dies so the man can suffer. She dies to give him a destiny. Dies so he can fall to the dark side. Dies so he can lament her death. As he stands there, brimming with grief, brimming with life, the woman lies there in silence. The woman dies for him. - The Woman Dies by Aoko Matsuda

[pansy2025]

goo goo dolls if they were in dune: and i don’t want the worm to see me

[gngrbean]

cover them up maegor

[svans0ng]

Which Baekarling is the one that kidnaps Aemon from the convent, sorry, the Citadel and elopes with him forcing their parents to accept the match? And when Baelor bitches Maekar is like oh really Mr I'd Cut Through Father's Kingsguard and Marry You In a Pool of Blood Sweetling? King Daeron is laughing bc how the turntables

I actually have a weak spot for them so, I'll say it's Matarys (let's let him have a moment of doing anything in this franchise, even a gay and incestuous one 😭)

because, listen, I think he's a cutie-patootie, Matarys is so sweet and well-behaved, nobody would ever suspect that an evil plan would appear in this ginger-mind of his, and yet here we are...

you know Shrek the Third? the scene when someone wakes up Shrek and Fiona in the middle of the night and Shrek is like "what, did someone die?" or something like that? I don't know the english version 😭

so the servants knock on baekar's door in the middle of the night, and I think Maekar is the one to say the unfortunate words, only to swallow them a second later when they find out the sweet Matarys is nowhere to be found, with only a letter left behind

they wake up the whole Keep, organising some search for the young prince, but with no use

Baelor is going through it because he has his favourites (Aerion is nowhere among them)

until a letter comes from Citadel, informing them that young prince Aemon was taken away in the middle of the night

and in that moment, Maekar knows what's going on, he's like "well they did follow in our footsteps"

Baelor is in denial, his sweet Matarys, his polite, responsible Aemon, they would NEVER

until Matarys does, in fact, send them a letter saying they're on the way to Dragonstone to elope and there's no way to stop them

Maekar is actually happy because he was devastated that Aemon got sent away to Citadel, if this way he'll have his dear boy back then let it be

love the part about Maekar ending Baelor's mad rants about this whole thing, biblically accurate, it's what GRRM would've wanted