“i dragged myself into all this, elena! don’t you get that? i came back to you! if anything, i dragged YOU into it. i knew who damon was, WHAT damon was, and i came back here. i didn’t say anything about him or his brother. i let them tangle you up in their bullshit, so don’t tell me you made me do anything. and don’t you dare say you aren’t strong. you are the strongest person i know, and you may not think so now, but i know for a fact that you can do this, and i can help. but you - you are always so dedicated to that denial that you never see what i see.” turning around, he held up a hand, teeth grinding together before he spoke. “but if you think i could ever look at you that way after - after what i’ve become, you haven’t been paying attention. i could never hate you, elena. i mean, gods, i fuckin’ - forgave damon after he TRIED to kill me. deliberately. do you think that i could honestly ever hate the girl i’m in love…” the air was dense, heavy in his lungs, weighing him down. looking away again, he wet his lips, taking another slow and steady breath. “i didn’t want to be this either. this - thing, this - but i adjusted. especially when i realized i could protect you, that i could help protect all of you, i adjusted. it wasn’t easy. it took me eight years to come back here, to feel confident enough in my control to come back and find you because yes, elena, i had nightmares. night after night of me hurting you, of you being next. it was why i agreed to leave mystic falls to begin with, why i didn’t fight it. but here i am. i’m here, and i am so far past the ability to hate you. you have to know that by now.”
“ Coming back....it wasn’t you dragging me into this. I was already in it before you even came home....but no matter how I felt about you lying about them....no matter how I felt about them lying to me.....the point was.....you were here. I got to see my best friend again, and I wasn’t about to let my anger make me spend another eight years without you...and you----Jules you don’t see me objectively.....you don’t know how strong I’m capable of being this time around.... “ she could still remember the lash she’d felt when she found out he’d been keeping secrets from her. the betrayal, the time she’d spent in her room, trying to put back together her sanity, the new pieces of a puzzle she didn’t even know was so complex. But they’d made it though that and more in the time he’d returned, and she had to believe this was like every other time. another obstacle to pave over. so WHY did it all feel so hopeless. “ Damon’s done.......he’s done more things than I ever thought I could forgive someone for but I----” her train of thought derailed as the word love reached her ears, causing her to freeze, eyes impossibly wide as her heart thrashed like a wild bull in her chest. it wasn’t the first time she’d heard it, but everything felt so different now. so raw. and the way that almost finished phrase sunk into her very skin terrified and thrilled her in a way she didn’t know if she could handle. “I.....Jules I......” nothing coherent rose to the surface, nothing she could force out of her parted lips that would offer up a counter to his words, she couldn’t speak, all she could do was act, and in an almost imperceptible blur she’d crossed what physical distance was between them, delicate arms looped around his waist, holding herself flush against him, as her forehead made contact with his, nose brushing the other’s as her tongue ran over her lips. perhaps a drop of insanity had carried over with her. but insanity had never felt this right.
