One thing that has come up a lot in the notes of my various academiaposting posts is that there seem to be a lot of people who were happy to see the invisible rules of the university environment spelled out more explicitly. It looks like a lot of people aren't learning this sort of thing in high school. That gives rise to an equity issue - the only people who learn how to navigate the university are people who can learn it from their parents, and that's obviously going to leave a lot of people out. So, I hope you'll forgive me the pretension of what I'm about to do, which is make some of the invisible rules visible.
My mission here is not to shame, it's to help. I truly believe that the majority of unpleasant student/instructor interactions stem from miscommunications and misunderstandings, not instructors being cruel or students being lazy. The world does have cruel instructors and lazy students in it, but most people are just doing the best they can under imperfect circumstances. The key point is that this is all etiquette, not moral strictures. I'm not saying that all of these things are morally wrong (some of them might be), I'm saying they're rude. If you've done these things before, well, now you know. No hard feelings. With that in mind, let me give you a few pointers. (nb. all of this applies to the US and Canada, but I have no expertise teaching in other locations. If you're an instructor in another place, please feel free to add or subtract points below).
Do: Go to office hours. It's not an imposition. The time has been specifically set aside for you. Your instructor wants you there. Any topic from the class (or related to the class) is fair game, up to and including just talking about what you like about the course or subject. Your instructor is typically someone who likes this subject enough to have written (or be in the process of writing) a 200-page book about this subject, so they're typically pretty down to chat about it.
Don't: treat your instructor like a free therapist, doctor, or conflict mediator. We have no training in those areas. If you're having a mental health crisis the most we can do is point you in the direction of the university's counseling center, so you're better off just going there to begin with. Other things your instructor is not in a position to do include: diagnose you with an illness, make a different instructor change their schedule, prevent another girl in class from stealing your boyfriend, prove to your mom that this degree is worth it, comment on controversial world events beyond the scope of the class, and go on a date with you. These are all real examples.
Do: Communicate problems you are having with the class early and directly. We can't stop the train unless we know that someone has been left behind. If you're struggling with something, we want to know - both so that we can help you, and because it's quite likely that someone else in the class has the same problem and also needs help. The more information we have the more we can do.
Don't: Do any of the above without first a) reading the syllabus and b) making one solid attempt to do the work on your own. It is infuriating to answer endless emails from students asking questions that are answered in a document that they already have and that I already asked them to read. This is the most mystifying one of all. I do not know why students don't read these things. The syllabus is always on the LMS. It will answer 80% of your questions. Similarly, homework is designed to give you an opportunity to learn something. It does not assume you already know how to do it. Even if what you're looking at is very unfamiliar to you, try it on your own first to see if it clicks. If it doesn't, we're there to help.
Do: Stay home from school when you're sick. I won't be impressed with your diligence if you come in sniffling, I'll be annoyed that I'm going to be sick again. Anyone who works in education gets sick just constantly. And before you think 'but I'll be punished for not attending and I need a doctor's note!', check your syllabus first. Very often this is not the case. Some real old-timers insist on perfect attendance, but most instructors don't care. Sometimes we'll slap a really tiny nominal penalty for attendance on, but that's just to help people actually get out of bed in the morning. Usually it's not enough of a penalty to worry about for a one-time illness.
Don't: Go on vacation during the term. This is the other one I just find baffling. No, you can't reschedule the test because you've decided to leave early for Spring Break. I'm not going to re-teach you all the lessons you missed because you 'needed' to go to florida for your cousin's birthday. Doing this is an extremely good way to annoy your instructor, who almost certainly cannot go on vacation during the term. We're not going to do extra work for you so that you can go have fun. You are paying (quite a lot) for the opportunity to take a set of classes in a term. That does not mean you can just decide to get the benefits of those things on any schedule you please. We are not an on-demand service and it does annoy us to be treated like one.
Do: Ask questions about why you were graded the way you were. If you don't understand why you got the mark you got, it's fine to ask us directly. You can't learn from something you don't understand. So long as you go in with the goal of understanding (rather than changing) your grade and don't accuse us of anything shady, we're pretty happy to explain it. You can also do this before the project, to an extent. For some people it's much easier to do well at a task if its purpose has been explicitly explained. Don't try to get 'cheat codes' or anything, but feel free to ask questions about the purpose of the assignment if you're confused. Professors often forget that you might not already know what these things are for. You'll get way more out of school if you try to understand why you're doing what you're doing.
Don't: Beg for grades or extra credit assignments. It's not fair to the rest of the class for us to give you these just because you begged. We shouldn't be doing it, and mostly we don't. If the stakes are really as high as they invariably are when I have this conversation, you needed to have been keeping an eye on your grades throughout the term and correcting early, before it was too late. Hopefully the fact that I'm making this post in January will make sure that's the case for you.
Do: Make your own arguments, even though you're not an expert. Most humanities classes present a body of material that the instructor does not all think is right. We typically try to present multiple perspectives on issues and let you figure out what you think. So, even if an author is a big fancy famous historical guy, you're absolutely still allowed to disagree with him. We want you to do that. Just try to take your interlocutor seriously on their own terms so you don't end up with a weak argument. And no, it is not sufficient to merely mention that the author is a white cis man. Some of them are right about stuff too.
Don't: let your mother phone me. And if your parents are the sort of people that do wildly inappropriate things without your permission, don't give them enough information to contact me. In many jurisdictions I'm not even allowed to talk to them (or anyone else) about your grades. Even in jurisdictions where it is allowed, I'm not going to do it. If you're in university, you're an adult and will be treated like one. Also I don't enjoy being threatened.
Do: Back up your files. Computer problems do happen, but you're still responsible for your work when they happen. That's true in every other human context. Shit happens, so bring toilet paper. There are a million ways to do this - pick one that works for you.
Don't: try to submit written assignments in a format other than .doc, .docx, or .pdf unless you have explicit permission to do otherwise. These formats are industry standard and basically all programs do one of them. I'm not going to risk my computer trying to convert your shit from whatever baroque new .fhqwhgads extension you've given me, I'm going to mark it late.
Do: Read comments we leave on your work! Those are there to help you improve! I know it's a difficult thing to muster up the will to do, but we really are only trying to help you. It's very dispiriting to watch a student who could easily improve a lot make the same mistakes over and over.
Don't: Eat in class unless the instructor has explicitly said it's ok. It's straight-up banned in lots of buildings for reasons of historical preservation or pest control. Moreover, a lot of instructors and fellow students (present company included) find the sight, sound, and smell of students eating in class to be intensely distracting. If there's a medical reason you have to eat, tell your instructor and they'll propose a reasonable alternative (like ducking out for a few minutes to have a granola bar).
Do: send your instructors things like news articles or memes about course material. We want these things.
Don't: send your instructors porn, fanfiction, thirst traps, or pictures of you relaxing at the beach. Yes, I've heard of all of these things happening, and one happened to me. We do not want these things. Even if it's really funny, like that one Newton/Leibniz smut fic.
Do: check what your university's standards for plagiarism actually are. They are very likely not what you think. Your professor has to use them, so you had better know them. Arguments from ignorance will not save you.
Don't: post any classroom recordings, photographs, or notes online. Even if they're funny. When students do this it doesn't typically result in armed nutjobs turning up at our place of work and trying to kill us, but it doesn't never result in that. Also, classroom recordings contain the voices and faces of other students, and you don't have permission to use them. Don't record anything without getting your teacher's consent first. Some of us need to be a lot more careful than others.
Do: fill out your course evaluations! Most students don't, and typically the only ones who are sure to fill them out are the ones who are salty about something or other. If you thought the class was good, give your prof a hand (especially if that prof is a gender or racial minority, and especially especially if they have an accent that's unusual in your region. Those factors make student evaluations measurably worse).
Don't: talk about how much you do or don't want to fuck us on Rate My Professor. We try not to look at it but curiosity always gets the better of us eventually. Please also do not be mean about our voice, appearance, or dress sense.
In general: do deal with us as if we're all good-faith actors trying to make education happen. Don't treat us like we're arbitrary monsters.
I'll be monitoring the notes on this post if anyone would like additional clarification. Making education accessible is something I care a lot about, and this is part of that. I've tried to explain the reasons for all these things as best as I can, but I can elaborate upon request.
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