Someone is wrong on the internet

Trans man, late twenties, grumpy, pedantic. My health and my sex life are none of the internet's dang business. This is a side blog where I have unpopular opinions, grump about the faddish nonsense of the week, and shout at the kids to get off my lawn. In short, if I want to say it but I don't have the spine to say it on my regular tumblr, it goes here. Despite that, however, you will not see any cussing or generalised insults here. I don't devolve into a fount of profanity when I'm annoyed, instead, I just explain why something's wrong, like a reasonable adult who understands things like decorum and respect.

[grumpypedant]

Arriving at your gender identity 15 years late with Starbucks

Only fifteen? You kids are so damned fortunate. Try 24.

[grumpypedant]

I think a lot of people have trouble understanding transgender issues because they try to see themselves as trans, but come at it from the wrong direction. i.e. a cis woman tries to understand transness by going, “what if I felt like/wanted to be a man” when she should be approaching it as “what if I, a woman, was so easily mistaken for a man that I had to pretend to be one”,

And I think this is something to keep in mind and to explain away when trying to get these matters across to people who’re new to the idea.

[littletigernoname]

I saw on tumblr a while ago that there’s apparently a new show about a trans woman who’s just come out, and her kids say “so you’re saying you want to dress up like a woman now?” and she says “no, I’m saying all my life I’ve been dressing up like a man.”

(The trans woman is played by a cis man, so I’m not sure how I’d feel about the show in general, but that quote seemed important.)

[grumpypedant]

If someone can remember what show this is, I think I need to watch it :)

While it's unfortunate that a cis man plays a trans woman yet again, it's always always good to have a show that gets it.

[queernessandlatkes]

[nonstandardrepertoire]

friendly reminder that the first usage of singular they cited in the OED is in 1526

friendly reminder that Shakespeare, Austen, Thackeray, and Shaw all used singular they

friendly reminder that “his or her” constructions exclude many trans individuals

friendly reminder that if you argue that singular they is “grammatically incorrect”, you are putting adherence to an arbitrary system of rules higher than the wellbeing of actual humans

[grumpypedant]

Friendly reminder that "his or her" constructions exclude non-binary individuals, not trans people in general.

A trans man is a man, a trans woman is a woman, and to imply otherwise is to fundamentally misunderstand what it means to be trans.

So go ahead and use singular they to include non-binary individuals and to avoid implying a gender for a hypothetical person, but please don't default to "they" when speaking of trans women and men.

(overall this post is all good, though. Singular they has its place in English, albeit a small place)

[fjordfjucks]

I’m actually crying right now. Something that seemed impossible for me might actually happen in the future. I just hope this isn’t repealed by the time I feel comfortable enough in my life to transition. I know this doesn’t seem important to most people but this just gave me another reason to keep moving forward with my life. 🙏

[manafromheaven]

I HOPE THIS IS A THING FOR MY AMERICAN FRIENDS AHH!!!

[imperial-lily-deactivated201409]

WOAH WAIT WHAT

IS THIS REALLY A THING

[soradiesinkh3]

@_@

[loungejulius]

The three articles mentioned in the image.

[foryoursexualinformation]

For all my followers who are interested in surgery.

[tamorapierce]

Eat that some shit, Teabaggers.  What are you going to do to him, kick him out of office?

To all my best beloveds who are considering surgery, to all of you who have been saving, here is a day to remember.  Whatever your body, I love you.

[demastry]

No. Just fucking no. This isn’t something to be happy about. Yes, I understand that people want to change their genders to show who they are on the inside, but not with Obamacare. I have absolutely no problem with transgenders.They are people, and I respect who they are. But I am strongly against this decision.

Obamacare was meant to, “…expand access to affordable quality health care to tens of millions of uninsured.” as quoted from the ObamaCare Informational website. It’s meant to help give health care to those who need it. But that’s precisely it. Give HEALTH CARE. Anyone who is injured or needing surgery or medication should be able to get it, or at least help, from Obamacare. 

Break your leg and can’t work? Yes. Have a problem that causes you physical pain on a daily basis? Yes. Need help paying off a surgery from a car accident? Yes. Wanting to change genders because you don’t feel right? No. Wanting to fix your small penis and/or problems meaning you can’t have sex? No!

To need Obamacare, there needs to be a problem that can be life and/or job threatening. It needs to be a problem that affects your well-being, leaving you in a state of health that needs help. My anger is not just at the transgender surgeries, it’s also at the fact that Obamacare covers penis enhancements and whatnot. THAT IS NOT NEEDED. There are many many things wrong with Obamacare, and instead of trying to fix it, they are actually making it worse. 

Obamacare is a great thing that can help millions of Americans but only if it is fixed up properly. It needs to help those who need it, not those who want it.

TL;DR: I don’t mind Obamacare and I respect transgenders being who they are, but this not the point of Obamacare. Obamacare has many problems, and this is another one that is wasting money and, in the end, will make it worse for America.

[congalineofdurin]

If you honestly think that wanting a surgically enlarged penis and getting gender reassignment surgery are anything alike. then you clearly are miles away from understanding what trans people actually go through. And they are transgender people, not “transgenders”, not oddities or animals or objects. A lifetime of dysphoria is a huge deal as far as quality of life, and believe it or not (hint: believe it) trans people ARE discriminated against wildly in the job market (not to mention everywhere). 

Everyone deserves accessible medical care. Trans people deserve those procedures. If you’re worried about wasting taxpayer money, go protest the war in Iraq. Don’t bullshit me that lifelong dysphoria isn’t fucking crippling. Healthcare is not the place to make cuts, it’s the place to make improvements, and this is major.

[copaceticnerd]

You go, Glen Coco. 

[gefdreamsofthesea]

Some articles are saying it may cover surgery but still, good news. 

[grumpypedant]

Ok, I'll answer demastry's objections as succinctly as I can. If you believe that Obamacare should cover reconstructive surgery for burn victims, people who have lost body parts due to cancer or accidents, and for people with birth defects, then you must necessarily support Obama care covering GRS.

GRS for trans men is not comparable to penis enlargement for under-endowed cis men, but is comparable to reconstructive surgery for cis men who have lost their appendages due to illness or accident.

Is Obamacare the ideal healthcare solution? Maybe not, I don't know, I'm not that keen on politics. But if Obamacare is supposed to make important and life-saving healthcare available to all Americans, then it must cover all forms of GRS and hormone therapy.

It's contexts like this where Transgender issues should indeed be viewed as a birth defect. I'm fairly certain no one would object to Obamacare covering things like prosthetic limbs or reconstructive surgery for burn victims, so unless you're going to say that Obamacare should only ever cover issues that are immediately life threatening, then you simply have to support the idea of Obamacare covering GSR and other transgender related complications.

GRS for me would not be life-saving, but it would vastly improve my quality of life. It would be freeing in the same way that outgrowing my athsma was freeing, only to a much greater extent.

For other people, though, GSR can literally be a life-saving surgery. Suicide is a major concern for some members of the trans community, and GRS can give someone the ability to continue living.

[rtrixie]

In the post you’re about to make, replace cis/white/hetero/male people with the Jews and if the result sounds like something that could be straight out of Mein Kampf, you should probably reconsider your social justice blogging habits.

[submissivefeminist]

Why do people throw around the term 'cis white man' like it's an insult?

Your need to send me this question answers this question.

[grumpypedant]

Real answer: because when we're playing oppression olympics and generalising the crap out of everything, a straight white cis man with no obvious religious affiliations who isn't disabled and is not Irish, Sami, Roma, Jewish, or any other white-skinned oppressed minority (at least in some places/eras) who dresses in a suitably masculine manner likely has very few social issues that affect him directly, and therefore is slightly more likely to exhibit racism or sexism because he has never had to deal with it directed at himself.

Therefore, because our hypothetical "cis white man" is assumed to also be straight, American, not disabled, not overtly religious, and unable to notice the troubles of other people in his life, all cis white men are horrible oppressive monsters (yes, even the gay ones, the disabled ones, the Muslim ones, the ones who cross dress, all the ones who don't fit the stereotype) are horrible monsters and there's nothing worse than "choosing" be be a cis white opresser, because everyone chooses their gender and because skin colour denotes morality, you know. (That was sarcasm, ok).

Short version:  it's very bad to consider someone less than human because of said someone's gender or skin colour.

[grumpypedant]

I think a lot of people have trouble understanding transgender issues because they try to see themselves as trans, but come at it from the wrong direction. i.e. a cis woman tries to understand transness by going, “what if I felt like/wanted to be a man” when she should be approaching it as “what if I, a woman, was so easily mistaken for a man that I had to pretend to be one”,

And I think this is something to keep in mind and to explain away when trying to get these matters across to people who’re new to the idea.

[notebookundermydesk]

I think also this is where the difference between ‘strongly’ and ‘weakly’ cisgender people comes up. Like, as soon as I ran into them, transgender issues made absolute sense to me (note: this is not saying I don’t have cis privilege, which I do, or that I’m perfect at not doing cissexist things, which I’m not. Just that the understanding clicked).

Because I’m strongly cis, so the idea of ‘what if I wasn’t assigned correctly at birth, what it I had to somehow come to understand it myself and then fight for it at every turn with almost everyone against me’ or ‘what if my body wasn’t like I know it’s right for it to be’ is a complete horror to me so of course that makes sense.

But then I tried to explain it to a friend and he just didn’t get it. And I finally figured out that he’s weakly cisgender. To him his gender and body is like ‘well, these are the ones I got so OK that works, if I had different ones that would be fine too’. So that being so super important to someone isn’t something he could relate to.

[grumpypedant]

We could perhaps go so far as to say that "weakly" cisgender people are actually a bit genderfluid or bigender.

For myself (and I think for a lot of other binary trans folks, as well) I'm pretty strongly gendered, like you are, and that's where a lot of the dysphoria and whatnot comes from.

[sizvideos]

[cartopathy]

Dayum

[grumpypedant]

I'm going to be That Guy and ruin this otherwise very nice gif set with a warning DO NOT BIND WITH ACE BANDAGES!

Ace bandages are designed to constrict at they are jostled, which means that with every breath the bandage will tighten. This is where the binding horror stories of cracked ribs and collapsed lungs come from.

[grumpypedant]

Hi! I have a question and I hope you don't think I'm trying to start some sort of social justice fight with you, but I was curious. Do you think of gender as a spectrum at all? I was looking through your posts and there was one where you said something to the effect of "gender consists of being a man, a woman, both or neither." Do you find any flexibility on that? I've always thought of gender in a way similar to sexuality (shades of complexity), but I'd like to hear what you have to say-thanks!

I'm very much binary myself so I tend to think in those terms, but I firmly believe that gender is a spectrum. When I say things like "male, female, both, or neither" I'm heavily simplifying things (which is perhaps a bad idea), but what "both or neither" is supposed to convey is the very flexible and complex nonbinary spectrum. There are innumerable variations, of course, but it seems like nonbinary genders come in two basic flavours, a combination of male and female, and an absence of male & female gender, and that's where I'm coming from with the "both or neither" thing. 

I'm sure there's a better way to boil this down into a phrase (a lot of people say "agender", but that sounds like it covers the neither but not the both), and when it comes to nonbinary genders I cant speak from experience, only from observation. But I didn't mean to come across as didactically binary or inflexible.

[norvicensiandoran]

More info and a change.org petition here. http://www.thegailygrind.com/2014/09/18/facebook-warns-drag-queens-will-delete-every-profile-two-weeks/

Not only is this hypocritical after allowing more pronoun choices, it’s downright dangerous. Think of how this will affect Pagan authors - it will make it easier for extremist fundis to track them all down, and possibly shoot at them like the Wiccan children’s writer was shot last year. Think of how it will affect trans and genderqueer folks using their new pronoun options with a mismatched legal name. It opens all of us - Pagans somewhat, trans and queer folks ten times more majorly, and Pagan trans/queer folks especially - not only to a risk of losing our day jobs, but a risk of losing our lives.

Screw that. Spread this like wildfire.

https://www.change.org/p/facebook-allow-performers-to-use-their-stage-names-on-their-facebook-accounts

[runecestershire]

Wait, WHAT?!

But then again how are they going to verify a legal name? I’m using my true name on facebook at the moment (I didn’t always), but if I went and changed it back to Rune (which is just as plausible a Christian name as Alan) how would they know which was the nom de internet and which was the name I use in person? So unless they’re going to start requiring credit cards or drivers licences at signup (which would exclude younger teenagers, cause major problems for folks in countries that do not use the Roman alphabet, and create a tricky situation for people who can’t or would rather not use credit cards), this is all just a gigantic pile of nonsense and can’t be enforced.

They seem to be specifically targeting drag performers (the theory seems to be that Facebook wants them to list themselves as businesses, it’s always a money thing, sigh), but this sets a very bad precedent for anyone who might use a variant name for any reason whatsoever.

And If they’re going after names with a perceived pronoun mismatch, how many Vivians and Ashleys and Taylors and Angels and Chrisses and Alexes and Sams are they willing to scrutinise?

[orochimarukin-blog]

This is a PSA to every non-Hispanic

I’m part Mexican and I find it cultural appropriation when people who aren’t of Hispanic ethnicity eat Hispanic foods.

If you are not of Hispanic descent please do not eat Hispanic food such as tacos, burritos, posole etc etc!

Thank you for understanding uwu

[shavenyeti-blog]

Hahahhaha. hahahahha. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH.

hahahah.

no

[grumpypedant]

Oh, Tumblr, Tumblr. 

Posole isn't even Mexican. It's from pre-Colombian America and in the US it's usually associated with Native American cuisine.

[gaywrites]

This week, the California State Assembly passed a bill that would prevent murder defendants from using “gay panic” or “trans panic” defenses.

Sometimes in murder cases, defendants justify their crimes by saying that they panicked when they discovered the victim was gay or trans, especially if they were sexually involved. And sometimes, it actually gets them off the hook.

Under current California law, murder charges can be reduced to manslaughter if defendants successfully claim their violent acts were triggered by the victim’s sexual orientation or gender identity. …

The defense has been used in several high-profile cases in the state including in 2002 when 17 year-old Gwen Araujo was beaten and strangled by four men in Newark, California.

Two of the four defendants were only found guilty of manslaughter.

The state Senate has already passed the law, so it’s up to Gov. Brown to sign it into law. Please, please, please. 

[poppunkvampire-deactivated20171]

"Gay panic" and "trans panic" defenses could be outlawed in California

laws like this better pass everywhere soon.

[grumpypedant]

The problem with "gay panic" and "trans panic" defenses is even larger than the dehumanization of gay and trans people. The idea is that it's less bad to kill someone if you killed him in a state of panic on finding out he was gay or trans. But the problem with this is that people can potentially freak out about any revelation. So if it's less illegal to murder someone because the murderer panicked upon finding out that someone is gay, what does that say about murders where, for example, the murderer freaks out upon finding that a romantic partner has been cheating, or is older or younger than initially assumed, or is or isn't pregnant, or has a certain racial ancestry, or worked in a certain industry? People freak out over the dumbest things, but normal people don't get murderer when they freak out. 

So yes, not knowing how to handle new and game-changing information isn't an excuse for murder.

[33screaminglesbians]

shits fucked up. roomie said something along the lines of ‘why is there even a thing like, gay pride? congrats, you were born. be prideful? that doesnt make sense.’

and people were agreeing with him

and i was in the fucking room

like. maybe ask the gay person in the room before making dumb statements. im like… right there.

[explosives-b]

I hate basic biddies who get validated for their shitty opinions by even more basic biddies. And they think they said something NEW and DEEP and wow why doesn’t the rest of the world understand this? No shut up. We addressed that point years ago, the only reason you haven’t heard it before is because we finally got people to understand and stop bringing up that shitty opinion.

[grumpypedant]

I would love to live in a world where pride parades weren't something that we needed. A world where LGBT people were accepted and considered so commonplace that it'd be just pointless to celebrate it. A world where the difference between a gay person and a straight person was as normal as the difference between hazel eyes and brown eyes (noticeable but negligible).

But until such a world exists, we need the pride parades, not to celebrate that we exist, but to celebrate the acceptance we have and to strive for the acceptance we don't have yet.

[bravegrrl]

Does all of these things concerning dmab also go for dfab? i never see you talking about someone being a trans man. "My feelings don’t change years of socialization" so does this apply for sexualities as well? because thats the only thing im getting out of this: if you weren't raised as something you cant "be" it. im a cis woman, raised in a straight family in a straight world, is my pansexuality not real then?

the concept of gender is a social construct put in place to oppress women, sexuality is not. 

trans men are female, and theyre as much a part of this struggle as any other female.

[luukeskywalker]

Trans men are not female. We’re men.

[grumpypedant]

I don’t want anything to do with a movement that denies me my identity. Feminism is great. Feminism helps women, yes, but it can also help men. When a feminist ideal makes life better for trans men, this is an example of feminism making things better for everyone, not an example of trans men magically turning into women in order to be your straw [wo]men. I suspect that what is depicted above is not feminism, but whackadoodle Tumblr nonsense.

[trushark]

trans men are not more accepted in mainstream society they are more inivisble there is a difference

[grumpypedant]

tumblr sjw: Hi guys! So, I'm an opposexual, it means I'm sexually attracted to the opposite sex. So, since I'm a girl, I'm attracted to boys. And I'm a comfogender, it means I'm comfortable in the gender I was assigned at birth. She/her pronouns, please!

Actual LGBTQA person: You literally just described a heterosexual and a cisgender person.

tumblr sjw: Ick, no! Those genders and sexualities have been keeping us LGBTQIPAOCWXYZ people down. They're part of the patriarchy! SMASH THE PATRIARCHY! Can I have a safe space please?

[m3nrtrash]

Also another reason why people don’t like trans men/have an issue with them: they root on the side of radfems :)

[luukeskywalker]

Why would we do that? They classify us as “females” and tell us that we have to be in their spaces because we will always be, in some way, a “true woman” - that’s bullshit. No trans man wants to be called that.

[grumpypedant]

I've never ever met or even heard of a trans man who is on the side of the rad fems. Ever.

Sure, the rad fems might go on about how we, as "women", are welcome in their spaces, but there's a difference between someone saying I'm welcome there and me actually wanting to have anything to do with them. The rad fems don't speak for us, they speak for rad fems.