I want to save someone's life. Please help me. I have no other way out but hoping someone will extend their kindness.
I feel like calling from a payphone to another payphone, hoping somebody picks up in the other unknown end. But the situation is so desperate for me, that its like my booth is filling up with water, minute by minute, without any way of breaking free, and the person I want to help is having bloodloss and hardly even stands. "Please please please please someone someone someone", those words in my head again, like flies that keep flying back to rotten meat, and my pounding heart feels so heavy, so heavy… In real life, oxygen isn't getting much to my head either, the quick and short breathing makes it almost impossible. Will my tears drain me dry, if I keep, if I kept crying after that possible death?
Now I ask anyone who is reading this, to give me a quarter of your time and attention to understand my story. You can listen to Disco Elysium songs while reading, I did it while writing, so I imagine it will help with the settlement of the atmosphere. I also ask, if you have the time, please finish what I want to tell. I am not that of a good writer, so I beg your pardon if the whole structure is ass!
First I will talk about my situation, then about his background, and lastly the ordeal.
I met him a year ago. Online. How? The situation was extremely unusual, but thats how the strongest of bonds are made, arent they? Since then, we have done so many things together, endured so many situations, I believe that even with many wounds that still mark him, I have brought happiness and love, once again he tries to heal.
Imagine the two Elden Lords, holding hands, looking towards the horizon of the lands in between from high above, a beautiful sunset, a sincere smile, everything feels so right, you are filled with peace and warmth, you don't want the moment to go away. Being with your loved one after uncountable storms and torment, is that not… so fulfilling, satisfying, such a blessing, such a heart's content? I think, if you have a dear one too, or if you are keeping it a secret but also have imagined doing so many things together, you will understand.
However, not always are things that perfect. When the sun shines, it is warm, but there are always days where that giant fireball seems to have no intention of showing itself to unfreeze. He has chronic depression. It has been growing inside him like a venomous spine since he was a child. That has made things really, really hard to endure. He hurts me, but I know I will never suffer as much as he does every day and night.
2 days without sleep, huh baby… I know you are driving yourself into madness, how much I wish to be by your side, to embrace you, and to tell you that… you can finally sleep in peace. At this point you must think what I think you are thinking, but don't think about the "red flags" and bad things about this and that Im stupid. I love him for a good reason. All will be explained in a moment, please, just keep reading. I have given him my everything. I still do and I will keep doing it. I have been sacrificing my time, my sleep, my energy, my savings, and not just that, I have worked so hard to keep things going or keep us together when everything, when my everything, crumbles and explodes and falls apart.
I do anything I can to help him, I do anything he wishes just to keep him happy, I do anything just to see him smile. I have helped him even in doing his homework and whatnot… I know this is simping. But is it really that simple, when I know that it is pure love? I did risk my studies, my place in the house, (because of some special circumstances I live in), just to keep talking to him every day. I have held on, I have endured, I have set my rules of how to approach him, what to do and not do to trigger him, I remember everything he has told me about himself, I have never raised my voice or gotten mad at him, I try to not say or do anything that will hurt him, I always support and understand, never take him as a joke. I am a person of high emotional and logical intelligence, so after being cut deeply by his words, I always heal, and fast. Maybe it has been a little contradicting, because if I really was intelligent, I wouldn't be here, doing this, loving someone like this, right? But I do.
I won't say I am blinded by love, I say that I have seen the worst possible of him, and even after that, I decide to accept and adore. I do all that because of my profound and unwavering love for him. It is so hard, I am so tired, I have so manythings to tell to the world since I cannot tell anybody, that I can't put everything in order, as I would like- But lets keep on writing.
He really hasn't many friends. Just 2 or 3, without counting me and my best friend, because they know him in real life. They used to do streams together, but that was years ago. Over the time, they forgot about him, and now they only text him to ask him to join their steam family, because he has a lot of games they want. He told me that he never felt like part of the group, and that they could even feel shame about being with him.
When he told them about how he felt with the world and with himself, one just took it as a joke, one just said it happens to anyone and that he was a crybaby, and other one didn't know what to say, so just told him to get better.
So we have lost any faith on asking his friends for help. And they´re also too busy with their own life, so the only one he has left is me, like it or not.
The constant thought of possibly losing your only shelter, your home, and that it could happen at any day any time… takes away my peace, and I only feel it when I am close to him. Emotionally dependant? Yes. Know that it is bad? Yes. Will keep doing it? Also yes. I want to try anything I can, to save him, to get him out of this situation. I imagine us, in 1 or 2 years, finally face to face, and a me that does not suffer because of regret of not doing anything to help him.
Despite having said that I love him, certainly, I do, I am a hopeless romantic who only wants to see its princess safe and sound, we are not in a relationship. These details aren't that important, but I still want to mention it. Firstly, to have a better understanding of what i am going to say furthermore, I have to confess that there is this… age gap which, I personally dont see as a problem, but since he is already a legal adult and I am not, we decided to keep the relationship "just as friends" until I am 18, and if he is alive, of course.
I still treat him and refer to him as if he was my partner, I love it and he doesn't complain, so I guess we're 50/50 hahah… Well, its not like I liked someone 30 years older than me, no, I am 16 and going to be 17, and he is 21. Well, "Shouldn't a grown ass man take care of himself? Why depend on a girl that isnt even an adult? What a scum, oh so useless, oh so lazy, oh so irresponsible, oh so…" Do not see it that way. Do not think about him in that way. The humilliation and mockery, even if he can't possibly know wether you did think like that or not, is something that has always cut him deep into the chest and eyes.
As I have said before, there is a reason for all of that, and I think that If you have got experience with this mental problem, you will understand perfectly.
Second, I live under a very very strict house. I cannot talk to strangers, I don't have a phone or permission to use social media (of course I was going to do so, hidden from them anyway), I can't play videogames (which is the worst part) (I have played and bought many games in secret), and my parents have something really really against people with mental issues or depression because of an incident that happened to them when they were young. So, all that combined, makes me impossible to ask for anyone capable for help.
I have to do this on my own, in my own way. I don't have much friends either, my mind wanders too much, leading to a solitary corner everyday. I don't tell the few friends I have. My best friend knows about this, he is also a good friend of "him", but he is even younger than us, he cannot do anything besides praying for us. Now I have made my dearest seem like a bad, terrible, abusive person. Which he is absolutely, definetely, not. He is the sweetest man on earth, I can assure, at least, the sweetest man that has ever talked to me. If I wanted to tell every good thing about him, oh, I would at least spend another day writing and writing!
Still, I tremble and cry, every time he tells me how he feels when he is having an episode, every time he tells me stories of his past, feelings about his present, thoughts about his future… My dearest has a dream: "Quiero, al menos por una vez, lograr dormir en paz, despertarme sin sentir que quiero morir, vivir sin el dolor que me desgarra por dentro. Quiero darle un sentido a mi vida, cambiar aunque me aterra el cambio, aprender a amar, y poder verme en el espejo sin sentir repugnancia ante el reflejo" (I want to, at least for once, be able to sleep in peace, wake up without wanting to be dead, live without the pain that tears me from the inside. Give my life a meaning, I want to change even if it terrifies me, learn to love, and look in the mirror without feeling disgusted with the reflection.)
But in his future he sees torment and death, in his present he feels crushing weight and death, in his past there is only a trail of devastating events, and, death. Due to this being extremely personal, I will not share the things he has endured since he was young, but truly I tell you, I always think "How can a person have lived such a tragic life? How can people harm him like that? How does God allow such hell in someone's mind?!" We both understand that, somehow, all the things he does, harmful or not, always reflect a past trauma, in form of a "Self defense", that's also why I comprehend his actions, and I don't complain about them.
Its like being mad at someone extremely sick, for having its simptoms and doing certain actions that get triggered when the episode kicks in. Because it is the truth. He cannot control or supress it, and in extremely rare occations have I managed to do so.
For the thing I will ask later, you will want to have known him a bit, so I will go straight to the point now and show off my babygurl:D
For a good reason, he has this little arrogant attitude with me, he is whimsical, and he likes to exert his power over me in almost all ocations. I allow him to do so, so its fine. On the outside, he is veeery submisive, lovely, and caring person. We think that his over submissive personality towards others isn't good, but he can't change it. He always apologizes and worries about being too rude or sounding weird.
There is an irrational ammount of fear he feels when he has to go to somewhere with people, or even talking to people themselves. I think that fear and anxiety affect him way too much, so I always try to be there with him in any situation possible! He is actually very childish, not in a stupid way (talking about the 67 memes and stuff like that), but in the way he feels and sees the world too. There are two extremes, one where he sees the things like a child and everything hurts but he still hopes that anyone would come and be by his side, other where he sees everything as an adult, hopeless, cruel, rotting, and everything still hurts. But in the second one, he stops looking for my help or consolation and rejects any kind act.
Naturally, he is also blinded by that parasite living inside his mind, his mental problem makes the world seem hopeless and hostile, so he looses his will to live, to fight for himself, and to look for a way out in desperate situations. At night is when the intrusive thoughts kick in the worst, so I call him at night every day, at midnight, and I am by his side all the time possible. We can call up to 16 hours, and on normal school day I call him until 2 AM, just enough, enough to sleep 4 hours dah. A lot of pressure is put on him. The job, the studies, the people… all too much for him. He was never taught how to be a kid, neither how to grow up.
One of the latests episodes, this is a small part of what he said, just so you get an Idea for the problem that I will tell later: "All my life was a landscape with little sun, in a hidden and slow light, looking at the immense horizon, and even so, empty. But they want more and more. I must be this, and even more than that. If I don’t meet expectations, they despise me and leave me. If I am as I am, then I’m terrible and they must go away. If I try to change, they forget me because of my simplicity. I went outside in search of friends, of people, and I was humiliated and shamed. I looked for comfort from my family, a hug, and I received words of disappointment and shame. I sent thousands of messages on the internet, like an echo, hoping someone would arrive, and there was only silence. And in desperation, I begged God, but He had also forgotten me. Every day I can’t sleep, and the images of my suicide comfort me. Can you imagine that? That your own death is the thing that tries to bring you peace — how sad. And then everyone comes toward me, trying to see if I am as they want me to be, and I can’t even open the door of my room, and I don’t even want to do it. If I could right now, I would suffocate myself with my own hands, but I don’t even have the strength to do that. I looked for my parents, and they weren’t there. I looked for my friends, and they weren’t there."
"but why am I the only one who cannot or does not deserve to have comfort? when it is me it is “endure it, I already went through that” “you are a liar” “life is like that” while everyone keeps breathing, why must I be the only one who listens to my own breathing every day and hates it? and help, help, what help? huh? what help? the kind from idiots who do not even listen to me and believe that just because I am awake the next day then I am fine if I killed myself now, what does it matter? because I will no longer exist, and therefore from my perspective you will not exist either, so it is the same I am tired of it, my whole life I have felt nonexistent, and everyone has forced me to exist, only to mock me, humiliate me and shame me what do you want now? what else? it is the same cycle that poisons my blood, unbearable, everything is. and I am already tired. oh, oh, what do they see? a hunched boy who weighs less than 50 kg, without the strength to lift a 3 liter bottle, who only consumes junk food and who is such a coward that he cannot hold a conversation and prefers to stay silent they would say it, right? anyone would say it, mediocre, he is mediocre, he is but only with me is it pointed out, isn’t it? again and again and again and again I feel it, how my organs are crushed by my bones, how blood vessels explode from the pressure, how the flesh tears when it is squeezed. "
My poor baby… Despite having a voice, no one listens, despite drowning in tears, nobody cares. That family of his, closed heart, don´t even take him seriously, just as his "Friends".
Even with all the negative aspects of himself and his life, he still has a very good and goated side I haven't shown you yet.
He suffers a lot, but not because of that he forgets about other´s suffering too. He is very sensible, once he saw some news about children needing help and cried, sent some money. His heart is gold. He is not used to express his feelings and explicitly show love or affection, but when he does… even if its not a long text, I can feel the truth those words hold, I can feel how sincere they are, his gratitude, his care, his longing for me. It is like a blessing, like a miracle that only happens every hundred years. And it is beautiful, it makes me so so so happy! After the storm, he always tells me he is sorry. I know he doesn't want to hurt more people, he doesnt want to hurt me either. This sometimes makes me sad because it wasn't his fault on the first place, there is always someone or something that has to harm him, and THEN he comes back, letting it all out on me.
Not complaining, once again, I understand "the why". I was just telling. He shows that he cares by little acts of service, like always waiting for me when he is about to play something (we got this tradition that because I can't play much games, I buy and give them to him, then he plays them, and I watch the gameplay by call. In the day, he always wants to play or watch things, but I am away, so he resists the tentation and waits for me most of the time, or if he decides to play without me watching, he stops at important events.) (He understands that I have things to do, so he doesn't push that much so I call him, he lets me take my time. ). On friday nights, we spend the most time together, but there are times where I accidentally fall asleep before going down to my studio to call him again (since i have to wait for my parents to fall asleep) and he waits for me… one hour… two hours… three, four, five… I never appeared those nights, and he waited, until 7 AM in his country… I feel terrible for doing that to him, and he hates being left waiting. (another childhood thing that happened, it was truly awful).
When he waits for me… I feel fulfilled with joy- "someone is waiting for me, at home"… There are more little details and acts of service, for example, drawing things for me (which are always masterpieces), writing poems for me, and one thing I love so much, is that almost every day he comes up to me (when I wake up or when I return home) with a new random history fact or story!
I have learned a lot from him, he teaches me a lot of things. He is very cult and wise, well, wise in certain aspects but yeah- And he takes the time to explain alll the lore of things to me, like the best teacher in the world! Unlike the boyfriends the other girls around me have, he is different. He does make me grow as a person, teaching me so many things I didn't know about, and just by him existing, I want to be better and better every day, when I go to the gym I tell myself to do ONE REP MORE, FOR HIM! When I am making plans for my future, I always decide what is best to become so I can keep him safe and with everything he would need.
I never stopped being a "powerful woman", but I had no purpose, with him, I do have a purpose and life goal. That thing that was the hardest to find, he gave it to me without knowing! And I know I am going to do my best work in anything just for him.
Relating the history facts with the next thing I like to show off and am going to tell:
He is a big, big, biiig history freak. (My friki I love you I love you so much) Not like the basic ones. HE REALLY KNOWS HIS LORE. 2,200+ Hours on CK2, he has so may paradox games too (fuck paradox already), history themed games, strategy games… That is something that makes him distinct and different from the others, which I like, because I like being out of what people would call "common".
He is a gamer with good tastes. The games like CS2 or fortnite, we don´t really play them, there is no lore or interesting things so nah. He has played the mayor soulsborne games, the dark souls series, elden ring platinum, bloodborne platinum, sekiro etc… He had RDR2 platinum-d in 3 months wohohoh If we talk about all the games he has played, it will be a long list. So I will say the genres that I remember: Soulsborne, ARPG, open world action, a lot of indie games, metroidvania, turns, hack and slash, psrychological games… IDk more, I have to learn about that too. We both love the drakengard and nier series! We have been obsessed with the KCD games lately.
Okay, next big thing, he loves reading.
Not just any reading, he loves the real books! A big fan of the classics, vanguardists, latin american literature, children´s like Narnia, also LOTR… He also likes the unusual and horror books! Like books of blood, the classic lovecraft ones, he also loves terror manga and has a vast collection of junji ito. Half of his day he spends it reading in a corner, with the most random pose possible, sinking inside the world of words and fantasy.
His absolute favourite is Jorge Luis Borges.
A lot of things he taught me include politics and political conflicts around the world in recent history and present too.
He is such a nice person, kids love him because he is so gentle and funny. He also has this so very special talent for storytelling, story making and most importantly writing poems. I Love them because they are so raw and real, talk about things that enter your soul, his poems and writings are those things. His poems come from the core of his being, not about normal things that we see around, like the sky or the sea or birds, its something different which I know so many people would really enjoy if they came to the light of the world. He hates to admit it, but his style is somehow like Pizarnik´s, so you can get an idea.
He is also a great counselor, I always ask for advice with him, and he never fails to think about everything! I just hope he had that kind of capacity to use that for himself and save himself! But well, his maiden must do what she can to save him too. (me) He never has enough, but always tries to give everything he has. When we were in the first few months of knowing each other, he learnt that I had never played any videogames in my life, so he took what little he had and gifted me small games to start. I never imagined that sort of kindness from a random person! He had also sent my bestie something for his birthday, without us asking. I guess that is normal, but, for a person who doesnt have anything…
I have done him wrong a few times, and… I want to find a way to redeem myself for that, by doing this.
I have said that some personal stories cannot be told, but this one I have to leak, so you see the whole context. He was severly bullied at school, for many many years. He doesn't remember most of his childhood because the trauma was so bad that his mind locked all those memories, so at least he doesn't suffer more than what he does. He was even threatened with a weapon, I am not sure if it was a firearm or not, but since he said "arma" which in spanish usually means firearm, I fear that it was. He doesn't remember anything, his family told him all those things, but why would they lie? Because of this and because his depression was making life so hard, he decided to drop out of school when he was in the middle of secondary.
He never finished his studies, despite being one of the few who had the best grades. Studying always felt like being buried and then stoned.
For those who have thought that he must seek professional help, go to therapy or something, I have a sad response for that as well. One of his friends, before they had forgotten him, managed to get some money and payed him 4 sessions with different psychologists. It went terribly wrong, and also made him damage, so its impossible for him to go again. They didn´t take him seriously. He told them all he felt, he showed them his poems to demonstrate all the pain and suffering, he showed them papers full of wishes of wanting to die, but all they saw was a "possibly autistic" man from whom they could steal and steal.
Because they did ask him if he was one. And the worst one, she was only scrolling on her phone, not even listening! He met a man, a soldier, who also went to therapy. He killed himself weeks later. I am glad that my dearest did not lose his mind after meeting with the people who were supposed to help and did all the opposite, but imagine how many more people have suffered because the only help that the world promised turned out to be just another lie? He lives in a small city. There are no better doctors or better hospitals.
Now, its time to get the the real point.
He lives alone with his grandmother, since he was very very young. As I said, it was the only person who could take care of him, but she is old, and I can't say they are very poor but they aren't even middle class either. The economy in there is awful and once he became an adult he had to start taking responsability for both of them , even if he can't. like a year and a half ago, a familiar of his presented him a job, which had to do with wool and things of that sort. He had to accept. The pay is the minimum wage, but still useful. At first, the people in there treated him alright, normal, because he was related to the owner.
But after half a year, she decided to leave the business. Now someone new is there. then the people started to treat him harshly, without respect, commanding or even mocking at his back sometimes. And he knew. The pressure of being judged, of being humilliated, too much. His back was killing him in there, since he is so weak, his back is always hurting, and in those hours it worsened. The only thing that kind of helped him calm down (since every time he had to go he felt so nervous and in fear, and it never got better) was his books he took there to read.
Lets make an example so you understand better. Think about someone gay. he never tells anyone about this, and to fit in, he marries a girl. But he never felt like he belongs in there, or that he was happy, he only felt pressure from the family and felt that he had to pretend being something he isn´t. That is suffocating. Well, the bad feeling piles up, grows, little by little, until one day he explodes and decides that he can´t keep on living like that! It is kind of the same thing with him, he knows that the tasks should be normal, that working should not feel like such a heavy burden, but he still feels it and it disturbs him.
He didn´t go to work for a few months, for his grandma had a stoke and he had to go with her to rehab, but now he has to return to that awful place. He can´t stay there anymore. For his own good, we both have decided that he has to leave that job. IF he doesn´t, hell, he´ll lose his mind! And I don´t want that. The problem is that he still has to look after them both, he´s got to have an income, not to live but at least to survive! But its impossible to find a professional job because, as I said, he couldnt finish his studies and a job that will make him talk to people will kill him directly. That may sound as if he is just a weak and arrogant person that is lazy, but he really cannot face it, everytime he does he ends up hitting his head against the wall untill bleeding.
The broken glass cannot reflect his light because it is stained with the darkness circulating inside his head.
If he has a dream of obtaining peace, we got to have the resources, without money, nothing can be done. I am still a student, and I do everything I can, I study and get the best grades, I do gymnastics and I am good at it, I work hard for a dream I want to achieve, I got my parent´s resources but he has got nothing, and it hurts so much to see him suffering, not being able to reach him, while I live inside the bubble my parents have created. So I thought that I must seek help with others who can actually help! It is a new day. Forgot about what I was going to say. He called me, crying, (the girl's heart breaks when the boy cries in front of her) so desperate, so mad, destroyed.
After everything he told me… I fear soon will be the end. I cannot give up, I cannot lose him. My eyes are hurting after crying for so long. His family has left him on his own, God has left him, friends have left him, now even he will lose himself. My time is not practically unexistent, I have commited the sin of procrastination. To all the people who see this, will I, will he have salvation? In the call, every cruel reality torn our hearts apart, I couldn't help but agree. Should I lose my hope too?! I Can't! I Cannot leave him just like the others! My poor boy… If you are reading this… I love you, and even if its the last thing I do, I will get you a way out of this!
with trembling hands I state, we don't look for donations, we want a job. I know that everybody wants one now, but I still believe in human kindness and in the vast possibilities of the world. Maybe someone who has the power to get us out of this will see this, maybe someone… I ask for suggestions of what could I do, I am alone and helpless, I ask for suggestions of places where I can look, or even people who could offer us something. I feel kind of ashamed doing this, but at this point, what else could I…
chatgpt said that I should get someone physically in there to be by his side, but there is no one. he said this yesterday: "My fucking parents left me when I was born, my existence is just humilliation for anyone, all I can do is stand there and be laughed at, nobody takes me seriously, when I talk nobody listens! Do you think my family is stupid? They are tolerating me, and If they knew that I left the job, they'll be so dissapointed, I might even get kicked out of home. The only way for them to notice me is if I died in the middle of everything today! They always ask, you people always ask more from me, but can't you let me be weak? Im just stupid and useless, I can't even do physical activities, I am tired of having to repeat myself again and again and again and still nobody seems to understand what I feel or what happens to me, im tired of the silence, im tired of the same hollow answers! They say im fine, when in my face is written that I haven't slept for days, they say i got no problem, when every step I walk feels so heavy and hurts, they say Im fine when I've literally been hitting my head against the wall like an animal, they say Im fine when I have told them about my feelings and suicidal thoughts and they have forgotten about it just the next day! Nobody is here for me! All they do is judge and ask and mock, but do they suffer the way I do? I am tired of being ignored, all of my life, all of myself. And I can't do anything, my whole life, I haven't made progress, I finished secondary, nothing changed, I finally got my gaming pc, nothing changed, I got a job, nothing changed, I still agonize every day and night, I still get ignored everytime! The only real answer I got from anyone was when Lizbeth told me to die and like that I will find peace, the only one! Even you are making fun of me. All that is left is to wait for one day I get the courage to take my life! After all that that I have said, have you got nothing to tell? Do you leave me alone again in your silence?"
I guess that if Im asking for something, I should at least preesent some of his positive aspects concerning work and attitude, so I will write them down. He seems like a bad option in all the ways, so I hope this can help you change your mind:
-He always gets the things finished, he doesn't like to leave things undone.
-He doesn't give up easily in some aspects, as you read, he plays a lot of games where you need patience and determination.
-He breaks easily under pressure, but after broken, he works very efficiently and does everything better. performs very well under pressure.
-Charismatic
-Not boring, streamer material, fun and always making good jokes (it was him who kept the streams of his friend alive)
-Very creative and original
-Very kind and respectful
-His memory is very very good, even if he forgot his past.
-He can read and write long long texts
-He can translate english to spanish flawlessly
-We (I talk as if it was both of us because Im also going to help) are willing to learn (if not super complicated) things to get the job.
-Has good internet…
-Will absolutely defend his ideals
-Knows A LOT bout history, if not EVERYTHING.
-A great great strategist -loves stories and storytelling
-will try to not harm anyone because he knows what it feels like
-he, contrary to me, doesn´t procrastinate, he gets everything done first.
-good at giving names???
-knows about politics
-his critiques are always logical and he never forgets to know the whole perspective
-knows the lore of many games ig
-if you want something dark and edgy, he is the indicated one…
-deep inside, he wants to leave something to the world, he wants to do something good
-puzzle solver
-highly intelligent kid that went wrong (bet u know about these situations)
-kind of autistic so if that company looking for autistic people crosses this post he can be a good option lolol
-when he is not unstable, he knows that hope should never be lost
-he likes helping
-if he's got to do something, he will complete it
-isn't a very expressive person, the only way he does that is by writing, but he cares about me and people from the inside. I know, he has told me.
-has very good tastes in music, doesn't listen to modern trash
-cunning
-when it isn't about himself, he almost always takes the right decisions
lastly, he lives in Catamarca, Argentina.
I cannot provide more personal information in here, but you'll understand.
Since he likes games, I am thinking that in some way he must be useful for some indie developers or things of that sort. I have suggested it, but he said that if I didn't have anything sure, I musnt tell him.
And… that's it… I would appreciate you chooms who kindly reply to this, we all know that the Emperor protects but now I will also need help from others. Its kind of hard to pretend nothing is going on when I face my family, even if I am good at pretending. This has also helped me a bit. Now I hope a miracle happens before everything goes to ruin, and thank you all that read untill here. Help me save a life, please and thank you!
theartofmadeline
snowghoul
blakekathryn
prguitarman
pixelskylines
vaporwave
