common excuses for centering men in fandom and why they don’t work
disclaimer: i am not trying to start a fight, or call out anyone personally. the goal is to encourage critical thinking and self-examination. also, this is a tma blog so a couple things will be tma-specific, but the general principles apply to all fandom.
definitions: “centering men” is a concept i learned from black lesbians, and it means “to prioritize men, to pay more attention to them, to make discussions about them, essentially to place/keep them at the center of whatever is happening.” centering men =/= liking or being attracted to them, because you can do both those things without centering them.
why we all center men at first: in a patriarchal society, we are all conditioned to center men at all times. a lot of us don’t even realize we’re doing it. men comprise most ceos, politicians, legendary heroes, main characters, folks taking up space in discussions, etc. so a lot of us don’t even question men’s right to be at the center of fandom matters too. that’s perfectly normal, but it is all of our responsibility to question it and do something about it.
what to do about that: very few people center men on purpose, because it is the default for all of us, but unlearning that patriarchal conditioning has to be on purpose. that is a choice you need to make if you want the world to be more equitable for women and other non-men, and i cannot make that choice for you, but i strongly encourage you to make it and continue making it every single day.
what centering men looks like in a fandom context: prioritizing making art of male characters. prioritizing writing meta about male characters. prioritizing writing fic about m/m ships. mostly reading/seeking out/sharing fan content about male characters. having lots of complex, in-depth meta and headcanons about male characters, but flattening the female characters to “badass” or “soft cinnamon roll” or “evil.” condemning evil or morally grey female characters for the bad stuff they do, and then turning around and stanning male characters who are equally evil or morally grey. inventing detailed personalities and storylines for background male characters, while ignoring main female characters who already have detailed personalities and storylines.
common excuses for centering men in a fandom context:
“female characters(/wlw ships) just aren’t that compelling or well-written” this excuse may work in some fandoms, but in tma and other pieces of media with complex, well-written female characters, this doesn’t work. the female characters are compelling, the wlw ships have depth, and the only reason that you don’t find them interesting is because you have a subconscious bias towards men. i’m not saying you have to like every character or ship, but if you categorically ignore all the women, there is a problem and it is not with the media.
“i am a gay/trans man so i relate to male characters more” cool, good for you. but just because you relate to men more, doesn’t mean that women don’t exist or are unworthy of attention. make an effort. you are still a man, and thus still capable of perpetuating misogyny. you’re allowed to relate to the men more, but it is your responsibility to unlearn patriarchal tendencies and make fandom a welcoming space for women & female characters.
“i just like/relate to male characters more” hmm, and why is that? no really, why do you think it is? could it have anything to do with the patriarchy that tells us in a million ways every day that men are better, worthier, more interesting than women? your preferences don’t come from nowhere. examine them, unlearn them.
how to unlearn patriarchal conditioning and start de-centering men in fandom: seek out media with complex women in it. pay attention to them, their backstories, their motivations, their opinions. create & seek out fan content about them, whether that be fic, art, meta, jokes, whatever. pay attention to your reactions (i.e. if a scene is primarily about a female character, ask yourself, “why am i focusing more on how a male character is reacting?”) and then shift your focus accordingly. it will be difficult, it will be uncomfortable, it will be hard work. but don’t take that as an excuse to be like “oh well i just wasn’t meant to enjoy female characters in fandom” and go back into your men-centric comfort zone. no. the discomfort means you’re going against the flow of the patriarchy, which is a good thing. the more effort you make to center women in fandom, the easier it will get, and you’ll be so glad you did.
conclusion: no one is telling you you can’t like male characters (and if that’s your main takeaway from this post, you need to learn better reading comprehension). what we are telling you is that you need to examine your internal biases and stop making men the be-all end-all of your fandom experience. not only is it the right thing to do, but you will experience media in a richer way than ever before. make an effort, and try it out.
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