wahahehe

hi im murphy i like a bunch of dumb stuff and i write about it sometimes he/him

[queer-as-city-folk]

Insomnia implies the existence of an outsomnia where you have a hard time staying awake

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

every child should have a specific stuffed animal/toy that they develop an antagonistic relationship with

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

some of my most significant core memories involved getting into heated arguments with the furby who lived in my closet. essential component of my pre-teen character development. necessary anguish

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

sometimes small children will inflict years of torment & waterboarding on their victims before burying them in an unmarked concrete grave, that's just part of growing up

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the post that keeps on giving (via @zenyeetaa):

#okay we weren’t children when we did this but me and some old roommates kept a baby doll in the freezer #at first it was to jump scare the next person who opened the freezer #but he was in there for a few months and then when we decided it was time to pull it out a bunch of fires broke out across our county #so we put him back in the freezer. we named him chippy and drew a mustache on his face #we tried pulling him out of the freezer a few times after that but some horrible event would happen every time without fail #when we moved apartments we had a special cooler to bring chippy with us #as far as i know chippy is still in a freezer somewhere

[halfterdark]

okay so two details are very important here

one, i had this shitty blue unicorn that i carried everywhere with me when i was like six. it was a gift from a relative that i didn’t really like and my mom made me keep it so i dragged it everywhere and bullied it extensively as revenge

and two, i really hated taking naps. like so much.

so whenever i was forced to take a nap i would bring this unicorn guy along with me and chew on his horn. for hours. it looked like someone had put only that in a meat grinder

i also had a habit of leaving him outside in the rain and refusing to let my parents wash him

and also literally just throwing him at a wall whenever i was bored (which was pretty much constantly)

and anyway i recently found this unicorn and i gasped out loud because it was easily the most horrifying thing i’d seen all day. like, if the devil were a stuffed animal. it looked like a blue raisin with a shriveled penis on its forehead.

moral of the story children are full of spite and capable of so much abuse

[halfterdark]

i could genuinely listen to the noise electric fans make allllllll day long

[mirrorofliterature]

darth vader IS anakin skywalker: the worst timeline, if you will.

good people can fall and do monstrous things. sorry. that doesn't mean they can't climb out of hell and do better: no one is doomed to damnation.

and that's the tragedy of anakin skywalker: a good person born in the worst timeline, both doomed and walking to his own doom but who would have chosen differently if they were him, in his exact circumstances with his exact background: but he never did it for power, but for love, because he was desperate, and he ended the empire, for love. it doesn't erase all the atrocities he committed, but it redeems him.

anyway.

[theloverislost]

as we are rapidly approaching pride month, here’s an obligatory reminder!

AROMANTIC PEOPLE

ASEXUAL PEOPLE

AND AROACE PEOPLE

ALL BELONG IN THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY

I WILL REMOVE EVERY BONE IN YOUR BODY IF YOU SAY OTHERWISE

[halfterdark]

WE NEED MORE FEMALE ACTION HEROES

like yes ok i see you sweaty spy guy. yes that was a nice explosion. fantastic. yes i see ur muscles and ur dead wife dreams

however.

i really really RREALLY want a female action hero who is

a) the main character

and b) not in a skintight outfit for like the entire movie

in fact let her be so uncool she becomes cool. let her spend the entire movie in jeans and a wrinkled t-shirt eddie brock style. let her have no goddamn idea what’s going on. i want a mission impossible where ethan is a woman they randomly gave a grenade to and who ends up taking down the Bad Guys quicker and more efficiently than anyone. and then rolls over and goes back to sleep.

i don’t know about you but i would watch the absolute shit out of that movie

[ur-favorite-fishgirl]

sex is a distraction from your true purpose in life which is to go to the aquarium and look at the fish and go "wooooooaaah.... fishies". cmon guys we all need to lock in.

[halfterdark]

im genuinely having SO MUCH FUN with the pride month heart thing

smh. we are so easily entertained. (TRY IT. TRY IT NOW)

[halfterdark]

they lied to us. the stars are not at war. they aren’t even arguing. my god what a ripoff