When i was a young child, there was a time when i wanted to kill myself. i hated life, and thought that it would only get worse. I thought that there was no hope for me enjoying life, and i was so sure it would only get worse, after i turned 18. I was so fucking wrong. I am now 21. I am currently living in a house with roommates. We all earn money. We have 5 cats and a dog. If one of us farts, the usual response is, “nice!” We split bills, groceries, chores, Etc, to the point where each of us only ends up doing a third of the work. We occasionally have awesome people over, and that is pretty much the only kind of guest we have; awesome. Two of us make stuff, and we are both working on selling it. We are going to be sharing crafting supplies, so we both have more to work with. I just started work last week, and i have already found my niche, there. Here, any mistake i make is respectfully pointed out, and forgiven, and any progress/achievement i make is praised. My lucky streak is still present, as evidenced by the fact that i found a 5 dollar bill in a truck at work, last week, as well as the fact that our neighbor, who is trying to clean out her shed, and lets me take stuff for free, let me have a hand-cranked bench grinder, as well as some other awesome things. I met someone on tumblr who is not only beautiful on the outside, but makes my very soul shine with a white-hot smile. Although finances here had been difficult, until recently, we are now experiencing a rebirth characteristic of spring, even though the weather is not. Physically speaking, it seems work is helping me get back in shape, and my health is quite good. Spiritually speaking, i am starting to learn how to quiet my mind, and meditate. I found a field in the trailer park, which is perfect for lying down and looking at the stars. I am, slowly but surely, strengthening my connection with nature, as well as the spirits of the land. Next weekend, i go back to pittsburgh to attend the anime convention with my family. Post-con depression is expected to have little-to-no effect on me, as i will be getting exercise the day after, plus my life is fucking awesome, lately. The pets here pretty much loved me as soon as i first walked through the door, and i am petting one of the cats right now. And, looking at what lies ahead, it gets even better than this, as hard as that may be to believe. So, what i am trying to say, is that it gets better. If you want to kill yourself, dont. If you do that, it is guaranteed that it WILL NOT get better. But if you hold on to hope, and keep living, it will certainly get better, eventually. And you will look back, and say, “im so glad i decided to keep living; this is fucking awesome!” It is darkest before the dawn. Turbulent rainstorms bring beautiful, fragrant flowers. You deserve the bright future that comes after the dark struggles. You matter.
