Neglect is about what has been absent, what we didn't experience, what was not nurtured, what didn't come alive, and what was not embodied or experienced because of the lack of necessary conditions. It involves a consistent lack of coregulation, emotional safety, attunement, support, protection and nurturing.
Because of the emotional neglect, the body doesn't have a felt (embodied) experience/memory of being emotionally safe, nurtured, held, seen, contained and regulated. There’s no resonance or memory to remind your body, “Oh, I felt this before. I know I can always come back to this.”
How neglect shows up in the body:
- an emptiness, a void, a lifelessness or an abyss that feels frightening, like pulling you into a black hole
- a visceral fear that you experience of your body or being in the body
-difficulty in making sense of what's happening in the body, especially emotionally.
- an emotional unresponsiveness or delay
- an outside focus and expectation for others to meet your needs or validate your experience
- instead of feeling emotions in a nuanced way, you might feel what I call "default" emotions: anxiety, anger, sadness. When the opportunity to feel emotions is present, the system blocks it and instead responds with anxiety, anger or sadness. So, instead of feeling shame, you feel angry. Instead of feeling discomfort, you feel anxiety.
- not knowing how to hold yourself within your own boundaries; often experiencing life through extremes.
Healing neglect precedes healing of any other trauma as any other trauma healing requires the capacity to hold, contain and regulate ourselves emotionally.
Healing neglect is about awakening the neurobiological and emotional pathways that perhaps have never been alive, stimulated and embodied.
For more resources, insights and frameworks on healing emotional trauma and its impact on the nervous system, you can check the book Embodied Healing via the link in bio.
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