Is it possible to still be a witch if you cant openly practice? Is it possible to still honor the gods when depression makes it so hard just to get out of bed and function, let alone reading or studying? Am I a failure to Lady Hera, and the others I worship specifically if I cant even do the things that society demands I do as an adult without breaking?
Can I still be worth something to them if I cant find worth in myself...?
I will answer your questions, but it sounds like you're really seeking guidance that can't effectively be given from a stranger online. If you have the ability, I highly recommend consulting loved ones for some emotional support here, or potentially seeking professional support (such as a counselor or therapist). It sounds like you're having an incredibly difficult time emotionally. š«
My best advice to you is to give yourself some grace. It sounds like you're being very hard on yourself, and especially since you're already struggling, it'd be a good idea to treat yourself kindly (easier said than done, I know). Being an adult is hard as fuck, and I don't know a single person who hasn't been struggling with it right now - young adult, middle adult, and even folks who are considered elderly. What I mean to say here is that you're not alone in these struggles, and there's nothing "wrong" with you for having a hard time. You're not a "broken" person; you're not unworthy of worshipping the gods; you're not so far below them as a mortal being that you could never hope to be cared for by them.
Above all, there is no such thing as a bad worshipper; I will stand firm on this belief. You aren't a bad worshipper for going through an incredibly hard period of your life. You're not a bad worshipper if you can't give "regular" offerings or if you can't celebrate festivals or if you can't read every single myth, or if you can't do this or that thing. I don't know a single person who worships that gods in the modern day and actively participates in every little thing and gives daily offerings and says daily prayers, etc, etc. It's entirely normal to go through periods of hardship in our practices. It's entirely normal to go through periods where we just can't give as much as we'd like to. There is never any pressure on us to give every piece of ourselves to the gods until there's nothing left of us; we often apply this pressure to ourselves. You're ok, Nonny. You're not some horrible worshipper who should be punished forever and ever. You're doing your best, Nonny, and that is more than enough.
The gods find worth in us, even when we can't see it ourselves (and believe me, you have worth; I don't need to know you in order to know that). Self-esteem, unfortunately, isn't something that the gods can just grant us magically; we have to work hard to achieve it, but regardless of how we view ourselves, I firmly believe that the gods see us for who we truly are. They see us at the core of our beings and spend time trying to reveal, to us, what they see. The gods spend time trying to teach us and help us grow, and personally, I'd call that a deep love for us. I think it takes a lot of love and care to be able to do that. I believe that the gods recognize our value - and truthfully, we hold value by existing at all. In the same way that a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly is beautiful, I believe that us being here - in this world, breathing air and eating food and existing - is beautiful. You belong on this earth just as much as the birds in the trees, the flowers in a field, and the whales that swim deep in the ocean. Life is miraculous and strange and chaotic - but it is ours, and that is beautiful.
I don't speak for any of the gods, period. No one does. But what I can say is that I don't believe you're a failure to Lady Hera for struggling in a world that works against you, at times. You're not a failure for trying your best, each and every day, to survive, even if that means that all you can do is sit up in bed or open a window. If you cannot understand why Hera cares for you, then I recommend reaching out to her. Ask her to show you.
You have value as a person, regardless of whether or not you "contribute to society" (which is a mindset that capitalism has pushed on a lot of people by attributing our worth to our work). You have value as a person, even if you've made mistakes in the past. You have value as a person, regardless of any health issues you struggle with. It's easy for me to say these things, but at the end of the day, you must allow yourself to believe them. š«
I apologize if this response isn't the most descriptive or coherent; I'm personally very burnt out, so it's difficult for me to compose a response that I feel happy with. I didn't want to leave this message unaddressed. I do ask, in the future, that folks please don't send me asks that are heavily emotionally charged. Sometimes we need support for those around us, but unfortunately, I'm not fully equipped to handle some of these topics, especially as a stranger. I truly hope, from the bottom of my heart, that this could provide some form of comfort or reassurance. You deserve to feel good about yourself, Nonny. May Lady Hera be with you as you're struggling and reflect your strengths back to you. Take care of yourself, please; you deserve it. š§”
