ashhvairya

[lonelydragon62]

"This is what must happen to old married couples, I thought: the young man is preserved in the old one for her, the beauty and grace of the young woman stay fresh in the old one for him."

Bernhard Schlink, The Reader

Ralph as Michael Berg (Adult)

[happilyaloof]

The Reader makes me complicit in its pain and shame, that it tries to hide in plain sight, to eventually get caught.

Face to face with hunger for detachment, increasing with every chapter of melancholy, read in guilty pleasure,

creates that pull between a heart that never loved and the heart that can never be loved.

[happilyaloof]

And they are CELEBRATING it!

But you are skipping it and you keep scrolling because it doesn’t suit your heavily influenced worldview. Even your morals are not your own because you choose to intoxicate on fictional stories of oppression of the evil culprits. Because they decided you’d be called communal if you call out their heinous crimes. Because for them their religion is a shield and they will use it every single time to play victim. Blame game again and again and again 🔁. And you are so scared of labels and what would your coward circle say, that you now see everything with a Hindu-Muslim lens any time anyone even tries to bring the REAL persecutions to light. And dont come at me with “but that one muslim guy got lynched by hindu mob in that village or this, or the ghisa-pita 2002 riots.” Those were condemned openly, thanks to your “oh so elite” english speaking idols who dont leave any opportunity to divert as serious an issue as Kathua case with catchy placards to shame their country and whole religion, which had neither Jai Shri Ram chants nor any religious conversion attempt by the killers. But noooo, hindu man burning alive with allahu akbar chants dont matter, kanhaiyal beheading on video for supporting an honest woman doesnt matter, taliban style kangaroo courts in west bengal dont matter, open celebration and admission of their cultic aspirations all over the world DO NOT MATTER. What matters is that if God forbid your social groups find out you have started speaking the truth that Malala or Diljeet Dosanjh from PANjab were hiding, they would disown you and then your existence won’t hold any meaning, any importance on your own.

[happilyaloof]

Baramulla/ वरहमूल

The supernatural/horror genre that they picked to emote the true stories of every kashmiri pandit who are the first ever to suffer at the hands of “kashmiriyat,” fits aptly so. How else to make the world empathise with our very own holocaust story when facts have been refuted and perpetrators have played victim for far too long.

This film makes it possible to finally let us feel for our pandit families, if not convince those who have their own interests to satisfy in dismissing the truth. 


More power to such filmmakers who are smart enough to have chosen the medium, the kind of storytelling, even the lead actor that are predominantly known to be biased. This is a small start towards the world of art by the rationals. I hope it grows and creates more balance in our content consumption for everyone everywhere.

[happilyaloof]

How does one equate supporting hindu victims to hating on other faiths? How can you even come to that conclusion?

What is it that we, the ones grieving for our hindu brothers and sisters, are missing out on? Are you so Hinduphobic, or can it be that it’s infact you, who is actually Islamophobic for even remotely considering that the community may get triggered and rise against you outside your doors for something that is not even about them. It’s only and only about the persecutions by the radical groups on the hindus for barely existing, or any discrimination and conversion by any means. It’s sad that I have to spell it out for my so called secular friends. I shouldn’t have to tell you we are all one. They’d die for us and we’d die for them if ever a certain situation would arise.

Sigh, I thought you really believed in unity. Turns out you are quiet and all defensive because you are all living in fear veiled by your secularism.

[happilyaloof]

First Indian CinemaScope film and last film directed by the legendary Guru Dutt.

The innocence portrayed by the protégé Waheeda Rehman and the strength shown in choosing an incomplete life, is talked about less, when the other character is played by her mentor himself.

GuruDutt’s melancholic hold over the entire film was made possible through VK Murthy’s precise and thought-out lighting. It is then you realise the cinematographer’s contribution in delivering to the world a dream, out of the director’s womb.

And how it would break a person if that dream was not just a film but your whole idea of reality, and it fails to find its place in the reality of Life.

Kaagaz Ke Phool (1959) was not a commercial success like Pyaasa, CID, Mr and Mrs 55; it was disliked right from the premiere for introducing the audiences to the dark side of showbiz. Fast forward to 1980s, it received the recognition it desired and lamented for, being given titles like “a masterpiece” or “a cult classic.” It is hard to believe it is the same film that broke the already broken man. He left; his search for meaning through his work had failed him, or so he thought. We couldn’t comprehend and he couldn’t wait.

However, there are endless articles now, discussing every little detail of the film. International film festivals laud Guru Dutt for his creative thirst. We are celebrating its release even today in 2024. Is it because we have come closer to accepting the paper flowers more practically now, given the simulated feelings have become our only basis to study depth.

It is not so simple to describe Kaagaz Ke Phool as a tragedy of two lonely people seeking support in each other, when the great actor-director goes beyond the film and lives the character. It is brilliant as much as it is tragic.

[happilyaloof]

Who is Laila? Who is Tara, or even Heer? They are not put in a story, to play their role of a lover, turning their lovers against the world or his family. They are not supposed to be conscious of the importance of their part in the bigger picture of Imtiaz Ali’s final thought. I don’t think so. They are not meant to know the mysteries of what lies on the other side of these questions or even be intrigued by these questions. Why?

Because they are beautiful metaphors of the utmost innocence, beyond and above anything ‘worldly’ we have to put up with, to survive.

And when Imtiaz Ali brings together a Qais and a Laila, it is not to create another Raj and Simran but to shake Qais’ or Ved’s world into disorder and bring to him those same questions of what lies “Pahad ke uss paar’’ or what is even the need of that Pahad? Laila, the metaphor, is his way to the answer and sometimes, she IS the answer.

Imtiaz Ali may provide different plots, ambitions, backgrounds; only to ditch the mundane and the superficialities of society, for ‘’…what you love and let it kill you’’ (Charles Bukowski). His philosophy resonates with me and since I am someone who deals with those existential questions day in and day out, I have the greatest urge to be the male character in all of his films.

Jordan in Rockstar holds Heer’s hand and walks her towards the field, away from right and wrong.

Ved in Tamasha finally breaks free from what limits him, with Tara as his guiding Star.

It was when Qais becomes Majnu (Urdu for mad), I knew why I chose to watch Laila Majnu after all these years of its release. I know the kind of effect these philosophical dramas have over me. I am all about the reaction that he gives in one noteworthy scene where he is talking to himself, leading to him getting hit with a stone and starts bleeding. He runs and he laughs. He is celebrating. He felt the rush, he was alive. His love was finally seen! He did not have to hide who he was anymore from anyone for the sake of this illusion of a world, now that he knows Laila is ‘real.’ The blood and the pain being the proof that he was not mad. He had his world in his Laila, walking with him all along, everywhere.

[happilyaloof]

“I hate who steals my solitude without, in exchange, offering me true company.”

[happilyaloof]

“When I stand and contemplate my fate and see the path along which you have led me

I reach my end, for artless I surrendered to one who is my undoing and my end.”

[happilyaloof]

winter sun|Mussoorie

October ’23

[happilyaloof]

Often sitting by myself, I assume power in solitude. It is this peace, this selfish peace that gives you company, whilst actually dreaming of better company. As abstract as in the mind, or an unforgettable face sits across the table. An anecdote plays out in front, or a regret builds up.

A wish remains. A wish to be secluded within you.

As it all comes down to y̸o̸u̸ two.

[happilyaloof]

It was a lone voice in the middle of the ocean, but it was heard at great depth and great distance.

-Gabriel García Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera

[happilyaloof]

Do I wish I belonged to aristocracy?

Because if you could get sentenced to a lifetime stay at a grand hotel in Moscow, for merely holding a title in the aftermath of the 1917 revolution, it still sounds good to me. Like Count Alexander Ilyich Rostov, I already have a similar lockdown routine sans the hotel, if nothing else! 😅

More than the novel, it’s the author I’m in awe of. He taught you world history, art, drama, even french lessons, all in this one elite book. From works of Tolstoy and Dostoevsky to the study of American films and music, from Tsar to post revolution Bolsheviks, from Louvre to London, Amor Towles’ vast knowledge with which he has backed his stories within the story, is par excellence. I have come out more informed, more polished I’d say.

It is a long read but elegantly written, focusing on the very charming Count Rostov and his life inside the hotel. All the while achieving a great balance of every bit of information and its effects, from his life that he left outside, in a mutating Russia.

It’s one of those books that has so many memorable characters that they become immortal, so many memorable quotes and moments that you can’t choose a favourite. However, what I can choose is this book, as now one of my favourites. It’s truly an experience.

Looking forward to the TV show based on it, that’s currently in the works.

[happilyaloof]

My heart knows not whether to weep or to rejoice, for the world of emotions we carry within ourselves. It’s haunting either way. There is always an urge to experience it all, bringing forth our unimaginable potential on display.

Set on the most scenic island in Ireland during the Irish Civil War, where the islanders may be oblivious about who is bombing who and why, but enjoy the attacks, nonetheless; two friends somehow find their own nonsensical extremes to go to, against and for each other. This brilliant piece of cinema never did once try to connect any backstory or big reveal to any of their farcical attempts. Never did once try to justify. Because, is there ever a justification, really?

And, although characters like Dominic and Jenny (a miniature donkey) who either are too simple or too silent to get noticed when the main characters are brooding, are the ones who moved me the most. So much so, you want to go embrace them and tell them, ‘’No, it was you. ‘You were the nicest of them.’’’ Their stories absolutely shatter you if you can manage to stay with them. There is Dominic, a young boy, living on a thread of hope to find goodness in people. Whereas, Jenny is the best pet one can have. I can still feel tears forming in my eyes thinking about their innocence and their performances, of course.

Every performance beautifully ranges from fitting comedy to heart breaking tragedy. It leaves you affected in a way, you’re bound to relate to and reflect on each of the portrayals later on.

‘’Some things there’s no moving on from. And I think that’s a good thing.”

Photos: tumblr

[happilyaloof]

Sharada (1957)

Love is like water. It cannot be restricted to just one form or shape. And to explain this flow, it took a risk of showing people those changing forms through real relationships in this brave film.

It worked in terms of a successful film, also making it the one that got accepted by the audiences, despite being so ahead of its time. I believe, it was because its bold storyline knew it had a shield of unquestioned reverence in those days, towards devotion. Under its protection, it found a way of expression in all its sincerity.

A similar experiment, if tried today, won’t be possible, as we are moving forward only in time; but moving away from the world, into our very own.

[happilyaloof]

Torn between letting go and the fear of letting myself go, I realised I needed freedom from both. Freedom from proving self-love through living a nonchalant, carefree life, and freedom from dwelling on perpetual patterns of pain. It’s become a constant struggle to choose between liberty and strategy, since neither of the two feels natural. The liberty comes from a place of following the herd into giving more importance than asked, to the latent rebel in you, often leading to irresponsibility. I find strategy, on the other hand, acceptable as long as it acts as planning, in the normal course of events. But it seems I’ve been walking on eggshells, too scared to give the reins of my life to Life itself. Not letting it run into mistakes of the past again, as if my hands on the reins could control it.

Losing hope is one strategy I used to free myself from those calculations. It’s not nihilism, as I did not yet lose my meaning and rather, felt placed right between possibilities and indifference. However, there was no promise that I won’t be scared anymore. I was, when all I wanted was to be able to breathe knowing it won’t all go away once I’ve shut my eyes to soak in the little progress I made; when I just wanted to be able to lower my guard, for once, and relax.

I do wonder how I gave away so much of power to a thing, that it could even make faith whimper in a corner. What used to be one of my strengths, became my vulnerability. I may have kept it hidden from myself, and I may have been embarrassed to tell my faith that I let fear win, but never ever was it lost on me. It held its ground and there was a renewed strength I found, where I could see faith working for me in more ways than one.

A choice will always have to be made, but letting go of the rigidity of my ideas of how things work or should work, provides a certain stillness now. It is somehow so freeing to have accepted the stillness as a part of growth, that I don’t feel the need to fervently keep moving in order to reach somewhere.

I have also understood to an extent that the mind is ever forgetful and these realisations don’t last long until they are treated as reminders to regulate their flow.

Ashhvairya

[happilyaloof]

“..soul longs for deep dark forest greens, a gray-laced sky; foggy wisps traveling by.”

-unknown

[happilyaloof]

30 Apr 2023

Desdemona