hi ! :D this blog is for questioning and exploring being plural :-) we are bodily 24 and collectively they/them , main is @sammikovland but please don’t bring this up on there , im not ready to be that public with it yet .
theres a small handful of us (like 5-6) with solid names and identities , and some other mysterious gobbledygook floating around . this is like a journal of experiences and emotions / place to reblog posts about our experiences / posts one of us likes . posts may or may not be nsfw or discuss csa
im not interested in syscourse of any variety
bios + tag key under cut , currently written by sammi (others may update as they front)
3x emoji on post = person posting
1x emoji on post = person being talked about
CAST AND CREW:
🌈 SAMMI — 24 , they/them or pi/pika , host of dis clown car . I’ve incessantly talked to myself for a very long time but didn’t consider teh brain guys truly plural until shelby piped up . besides that im a wolpertinger and a weasel and i am mad scientist goo green ! im a cartoon critter who likez horror and bloody stuff , and im proudly scene XD im p much always here at least a little !
👽 SHELBY — ambiguously “big sister” aged , she/her , “voice of reason” that turned out to be a little bit more than just that . works overtime trying to swat everyone’s (but mostly sammis) ocd thoughts like flies . identity links back to a childhood invader zim oc , but now she looks like wolvermon with zangoose-y arms . red and white , not sure what she likes yet besides things being calm . doesn’t really front .
🎃 SCARECROW — ambiguously 20s , he/it , undead greaseball and professional halloween decoration . blonde . im here because its funny and because sammis a chud and needs my sage wisdom and/or balls . elijah from chnt steals my god damn look so im stealing it back . i like gross grimy shit and dirty yellows aaaaaaaaand when people draw pokemon really scary . I fucked ur mom
🪱 SASHA — ageless , she/her , sometimes a polite little lady but most times a really horrible distorted stretched out polite little lady . presents as not!sasha from the magnus archives though I don’t think she has source memories . kind of stilted but mostly just very proper and poised , loves talking , also likes worms and meat . brown and possibly pink . purpose also indeterminate
🪦 SEBASTIAN — grown , meow/meows , haun/haunts , he/him , a “FICTIVE” of one soren baltimore ! I am here to usher in a new world order ! join me and bear witness to the power of REBIRTH ! i am also ! a cat :-) . my favorite color is PURPLE and I am fond of WIZARDS and MAGIC and BONES and DARKNESS . you can become my loyal follower at @cabinladybug
☁️ SKY — age unknown , name & pronouns pending (they/he for now) . fronted literally once to disrupt an ocd feedback loop . has talked a little since but seems to only be interested in fronting when they’re “needed” . sees themselves as some sort of doctor/guardian/angel to everyone else . sky is a temporary name bc they haven’t been actively conscious enough to think about it much . sky blue .
🦇 TEEN SAMMI / CHARLOTTE — better name possibly pending , 13 or 14 , they/them , very stressed out and agitated , hides unless they need to curl up with one of us . feels more like someone we’re protecting than anything else . likes danganronpa , I think . pale gray or pink .
OTHER GUYS WHO HAVE TAGS:
⚡️ cracks guy , appeared once to call sammi a coward , looks like wall cracks or when you content aware scale a cat (possibly sebastian?)
🚪 doorman , previously established brain guy but has not spoken since things became “more active”
🪽 angel dog , voice we’ve heard a few times but can confirm nothing besides sounding like angel dog from gregory horror show bc they don’t respond when called . possibly nothing , possibly something . shrug .
❗️ pink , extremely hyperactive personality that we aren’t sure if they’re their own person or not . stims very violently and loves oingo boingo .
👻 ghost , numb/apathetic personality that comes in during periods of extreme overstimulation . unclear if a shutdown or their own person , they couldnt tell while they were present .
fucking hate texting dracula i'll send him a funny meme and he'll call me to be like "i need to take a SCREAMshot on my HELL phone" like oh my god we get it youre scary
need to journal here more. we just had a front from sebastian who has appeared briefly before but didn’t get to say much bc i made meow put us back to bed at teh time . today he practically fucking wrestled scarecrow for control when I started getting really out of it and was around for like maybe 5 hours , he’z still here a little bit . teh head pressure when meow fronted started in teh upper left of my forehead , right now itz all over teh top of my head . he’z very animated and dramatic in how he speaks . soren chnt fictive we think ? extremely connected to him for sure . keeps talking about world domination also which is cute . “I am not cute” yes you are buddy . like sasha meow’s very social but dey’re pretty distinctly different in personality and vibes . another cartoonishly evil guy in my brain though i guess
fast tips: if you cause a dissociation spiral by being a fucking dipshit you can fix it by taking advantage of the dissociation to enforce a mental health walk
>in abusive relationship with system I met thru a danganronpa roleplay group
>they have a lot of danganronpa fictives
>one of them is leon kuwata who is persistently strange and creepy with me despite not having the balls to ask to fuck me and making someone else ask for him instead
>dissociate incredibly hard to survive being sexually abused and the proceeding fallout, unknowingly become plural
>11 years later
>be me still
>24 years old
>forced to realize that I have alters, trying to get to know them and understand their purpose in my brain
>look at guy in my brain
>sexual part that characterizes himself as a greasy perverted creep, superficially resembles a character that reminds me of my abuser, and wants incredibly bad to fuck me
we’ve been slacking on journaling! well some days are more eventful than others and there’s certain things going on in headspace that I think others are hesitant to write down… well, I’ll at least talk about myself while im here :-)
so sammi has been doing a whole lot of trauma ruminating and was in that rut again but was slowly moving off of it and onto a different train of thought . that was when they suddenly forgot what they were thinking about , which isn’t unusual , but all of a sudden we felt so strongly like the color sky blue ! like clouds outside a window ! a bathtub ! well , from the way I was talking we thought it may have been sammi and sasha at the same time , but it didn’t suit sasha’s energy and sammi usually only takes to the soft blue and bath toys adjacent stuff when age regressing . but I didn’t feel like a kid ? who knows how old I am ! but anyways that really made me start to think I must be a different guy !
now , we’ve been trying not to jump to conclusions about New Guys . there’ve been some passing mood states that we don’t know if they were distinct or just sammi being weird , like the apathy ghost guy ! so we just note them down and keep track of it . but I felt more and more strongly as I thought to myself and tried to type out what was happening , I think im someone else ! I was suggested to do a dollmaker and ended up making a pinterest board instead … here were some throughlines I found !
sky blue / ocean blue
angels , clouds , light
a little bit of webcore / frutiger aero (how do you spell that?)
vacations? weird nostalgic-y looking stuff, kind of dreamcore-y
baths / pools + toys
more pastel than sammi is
which of course you can’t figure out everything from an aesthetic … but I did have some thoughts . like I said sammi is super trauma+related stuff ruminating right now , like , I can feel them doing it as I speak . dreamcore isn’t quite the same but I felt very drawn to it and I do know sammi fixated a lot on traumacore in their day , PLUS the bath/bath toys aesthetic is something they usually only dip into when age regressing , PLUS the fact that I feel like some sort of doctor or therapist or healer … maybe what knocked me into awareness is that im just equipped to handle that stuff ? I mean , I think im mitigating the anxiety pretty well , or at least focused and thinking enough that the thought loop situation is at least temporarily deescalated .
but well , who knows right ? I could be here for any reason I guess . shelby’s also quite nurturing but I think she’s overwhelmed ? we all are . And I think im a bit more forceful ! but im nice X)
I don’t have a name yet , I wrote “sky” on my pinboard but I don’t know if that’s just right . i should probably add myself to our list …
talked to our therapist yesterday about being plural , basically told her everything we’ve written down in dese journals . she was really understanding and we decided we’d try to work together and its good so far that no one is like , a threat to ourselves or anyone else or anything . mostly I’m just wondering what all dis means for my trauma processing and how I’m going to live going forward
nothing too crazy to update with otherwise , scarecrow keeps saying he wants to eat our sydney plush when it gets here which I have to say is not behavior that beats teh elijah kin allegations . sasha was right up here for a little bit but idk where she went , maybe im just tired
writing dis with a headache in teh bridge of my nose pardon my writing quality . wait dis is a journal who cares
day was mostly me , I put together some songs scarecrow seems to liek on a playlist , I also notice sometimes sasha will make me hesitate to turn lights on
more importantly around 6:30 i could feel teh sides of my head starting to hurt and i felt liek it was a switch coming on so i laid down in bed for a little while , teh headache got stronger and i kinda felt like something was spreading across my vision . i had a hard time getting up but when i did scarecrow was out though he wasn’t immediately sure who he was . he was pretty sure he was scarecrow but he felt foggy so he went looking at art of characters he likes and came more solidly into front
for most of him being dere he just hung out on friends on call playing ponytown , made himself a character
and mostly just spent his time dere and in teh elijah (who I normally hate) tag on tumblr reblogging thingz . Eventually though he checked teh froggy squad server where ive been waffling back and forth on telling dem about teh plurality thing , he was talking and passing pretty well as me but he got annoyed that I was “being a fucking chud” and not telling anyone anything so he took it upon himself to tell everyone (who were all chill about it) , said some stuff about how its “jarring to realize you’re alive” and that he feels like I repressed everyone so badly that dey struggled to effectively do deir jobs or even realize who/what dey were
also apparently im like owning a chihuahua because my anxiety radiates out through everyone else . scarecrow didn’t really gaf though he just kept talking , like last time he fronted i was conscious but not contributing very many thoughts and he was pretty successfully stonewalling my anxiety . he also took teh garbage out of our room
he considers himself teh “chillest one here” which is funny since he also talks about himself liek he’s evil and sick and twisted . bro be calm
after that he was around for a little longer , I had actually been starting to come back right before he talked in froggy squad and den he just totally shoved me in a corner . eventually he started slipping back into me which was when I realized it had been 2 and a half hours (funnily enough about how long he was out last time too) and it was 9 fucking pm . as im writing dis teh headache in teh bridge of my nose has gone back around to teh sides of my head liek a god damn vise . he’s lounging around somewhere back dere in my head while I type . proud of himself .
therapy is on thursday , scarecrow said he knew I was going to make saying anything difficult and he’s probably right , so we’re going to try and spend Wednesday deciding what to say . I might show her some posts on here ? or maybe not . idk yet .
also itz interesting I haven’t felt shelby front yet , she’s pretty close to me mentally though and generally my mediator so it makes sense since her job is mostly from inside
ALSO also according to my friends scarecrow sounds raspier / like “you’re talking with your chest voice” . interesting
