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@happysongturtle
Is it weird that I'm ok with feeling replaceable?
I'm happy being there for someone... and then silently fading away once they find someone that makes them happier.
It still hurts, but I just want them happy.
Even if it's never with me.
I'm glad I can vent here. No one knows me
Boyfriend's sister said there was no plans today. Then knowing full well I'd be asleep thinking there's no plans.
She then invites my boyfriend out to lunch with her, her husband...... and the girl they tried to set him up with before I moved here.
Again.
BTW. She did this on Thanksgiving too. But I went... unplanned.
No one likes me here. I clearly don't belong.
Anyway. Merry Christmas everyone 🎄
Why would you listen and agree with people who put down tattoos and colored hair......
When your girlfriend has both?
I don't even think this guy cares about me at this point.
No one should feel bad for not putting out when they aren't feeling good.
And NO ONE has the right to guilt trip them.
If you do? Fuck you. And I hope karma has it's way with you.
A pineapple up your ass might be fair.... but likely not.
Just... fuck you.
Insecurity of the day.
I'm the only one I know that eats like a 5 year old and doesn't like complex foods.
I'm sorry for being like this and ruining food for others 😪
Sometimes you have to be like....
"OK, I'm just gonna throw up then get this day started."
I do not like bursting bubbles but I will if you think I'm the bad guy.
I don't stay consistent and play games with you and your friends?
How many times have I come back to a game after simply SLEEPING (or ANYTHING fucking irl related, like GETTING YOU FOOD BECAUSE YOU'RE GLUED TO YOUR PC) and you and your BOYS have left me in the dust and now have no room for me in the group because YOU don't know how to say NO to people.
And it's my fault I don't want to play games?
I give up.
Bf hands me a $20....
"You've been coming with me to do the YouTube thing, I wanted to say thanks. Can you get me one, too?"
Total for his and mine...? $26.
$13 a piece (we got the same thing)
Did I just pay $6 for my own "thank you"??
And yet, I feel like the shitty partner.
I don't understand my mind.
Yesterday was probably one of my lowest days so far.
I tried to put on mascara and eye shadow.
It just makes me look very tired with huge bags under my eyes.
4 attempts to use concealer or something to lighten ....
I determined that no one needed to see what a pig wearing makeup looked like...
It all came off.
I feel bad because he needs so much support... but I'm in survival mode and I'm doing everything I can and he still wants more.
I'm going to crash and burn so hard but hopefully it's not until after something amazing happens for him.
That way he'll be too happy to notice I've finally broke.
Solitude
I want this. I'm tired of being a burden.
It's a hell of a thing when you're at your lowest and then your partner says you're a literal burden.
And I thought I was doing ok this past week.
Nope, still worthless.
Im supposed to be your partner?
Why can't you even tell me you love me?
Last night, he said
"If we didn't have the sex, we'd have nothing"
I must've done something or everything wrong.
He definitely doesn't love me.
I want to go home.
I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment.
I want to do all the things my friends and family want me to....
But I'm in survival mode, just trying to save myself right now.
I wish I had someone to just vent to.
But I'm too scared to be a burden.
And I'll never hesitate to let my friends vent to me.
That's just the way my mind works.
Help others, but don't ask for yourself.
How many times do I have to say to myself
"I'm ok"
Before I start to believe the lie?
