The Tenents of 181

surviving The Horrors one overly verbose notes app confessional at a time

[lesb0]

1000% correct. and it isn't the userbase being 70% white, it's that they act aggressively disgusted and angry if anyone even mentions blackness and black culture or that racism and white privilege exist. If you so much as insinuate that one white woman posted something racist they will relentlessly dogpile and gangstalk you. Remember that blackout day started by black tumblr desperately BEGGING white people to post/rb black people once a year. But in response, people said "no, black people aren't aesthetic enough for my theme" or "no, you're being too political and black people are too serious a subject to post" but then they would make 1000 posts about how being trans is worse than racism. and if you even mention rap or r&b or hip-hop on here people will lose their damn minds. Every black woman I used to follow was either chased off the site, caved from the constant misogynoirism and hostility, or were so ignored by their "friends" that they left.

[folly-of-alexandria]

Do not forget the ban waves that occurred in 2016 and again in 2020 that purged large numbers of black users off of the site.

[hasallherducks]

a linguist with a lover

Mine is what I whisper when she holds me in the morning, her warm lips on the cold bare skin of my shoulder. Not mine like I own her, not mine in any honest employ of the English possessive. I mean she's mine in the Russian sense, in the Turkish sense. Some cosmic anchor roots her heart in me for a time. She is with me by some magic; she is locatively at me in a way this language cannot nuance grammatically. I can explain and translate and translanguage all day, and it still doesn't really equate. There are some things that one language cannot do where two or three might suffice, and this is not one of them. As a linguist with a lover, I do not believe that words can be magic. Humankind does not create any magic with our articulators and vibrations or with our ink and our etchings. However, to be disillusioned to the many powers of compelling language and its mechanisms is to be left with a presence of the inexplicable. What is left is some willful magic rides on language as a path from soul to mind. In two wild leaps of faith, some magic escapes experience, catches the train of utterance, and tumbles off again into shared knowledge. It is my greatest privilege and highest honor to conduct that train from time to time. And I wonder sometimes if the magic sees some familiar spark in her that brings it by more often.

[smoldragonborn]

“we need to stop the stigma towards drug users and addicts” and “we need to challenge the idea that being sober makes you boring” and “we need to stop acting like binge drinking to the extent you’re doing medical damage is fun and normal for young people” are all ideas that can and should coexist.

[fatfemmefreaquency]

just so we’re clear, the threshold for “binge drinking to the extent you’re doing medical damage” is waaaay lower than you think.

I work in an obstetrician and gynaecologist’s office. we have to tell patients on a regular basis that they are binge drinking weekly when they think they are simply consuming a normal amount of alcohol on the weekends.

having more than 3 drinks in a single sitting if you have an estrogen based endocrine system is a binge that is medically significant.

having more than 5 in a sitting is a medically significant binge for someone with a testosterone based endocrine system.

every time you do this, it significantly impacts your risk of getting breast cancer, and damages your liver. it takes time to recover from that liver damage. if you’re having a 3-5 or more drink binge on a weekly basis, you are an alcoholic, medically speaking, and your liver is not recovering.

again: the bar for what binge drinking is, medically, is so much lower than what you think it is.

alcohol is a really toxic substance and not something you should fuck around with.

again: if you have an estrogenized hormone system (common for most women), then 3 drinks is a binge. if you have a testosteronized hormone system (common for most men), then 5 drinks is a binge.

anything above that number, consumed as frequently as weekly or more, and you’re medically a binge drinking alcoholic.

also, if you’re drinking any quantity of alcohol 6 days a week or more, that’s another threshold at which, medically speaking, you meet the definition of alcoholism. your liver needs more days without alcohol in your system than just one a week to recover and be healthy.

I don’t say any of this to shame anyone—to me, alcoholism or substance use disorders aren’t a sign of weakness or moral failing. and most of us genuinely don’t know this stuff.

rather—I point this out because it’s important to reduce harm, and find ways to live healthier, happier lives. there is a life outside of constant binge drinking. it’s not always easy to find it. but it’s out there. you deserve a life where your emotional needs are met by something other than alcohol, and a life in which your liver is healthy, and the ways you cope and celebrate and find joy don’t put you at increased risk of cancer.

[qweerhet]

also–even if alcohol is the only way you can self-medicate, or if you choose to go on with your alcohol usage anyway regardless of other options–you still deserve to know what it’s doing to your body.

information is key. you don’t have to stop drinking, but the utter lack of education on alcohol + the normalization of binge drinking in current society leads to many people drinking without any idea of what it’s doing to their bodies.

addicts deserve accurate medical information regardless of what they decide to do with it. for some people, losing liver function is worth the benefits they get from binge drinking, but they can’t make that choice if they don’t know what the consequences are to begin with.

[jeanjauthor]

addicts deserve accurate medical information regardless of what they decide to do with it.

[underworld-melon]

Can someone tell me the definition of one drink in this context?

Because a vodka shot is not the same as (idk, some low alcohol percentage alcohol.)

So, what does 3 (or 5) drinks mean.

[theconcealedweapon]

0.6 ounces of alcohol is a standard drink. Examples include 12 ounces of 5% alcohol beer, or 1.5 ounces of 40% alcohol liquor.

[genderkoolaid]

if you are like me and numbers slide off your brain like water off a ducks back, you can use this Standard Drink Calculator to out how much you are drinking.

[innerchildabortionclinic]

evil therapist: to ground yourself, look around, name 5 things you can kill, and 4 things you can at least maim

[dynamicity-keysmash]

I think people mean well when they insist that America isn't a Christian country but it just obfuscates the situation and makes it more difficult for minorities to frame their experiences. America is a fundamentally, structurally, ideologically Christian country from top to bottom. It's exhausting, it's suffocating, and it's the truth. Nearly all political forces, pop culture phenomena, and major life philosophies here are either built on Christianity or propped up as subverting Christianity in a way that is, of course, still entirely about Christianity. Leftwing movements here that are ostensibly hostile to Christianity still ultimately structure their worldviews around their own versions of salvation, rapture, original sin, eternal judgement, heaven, and hell. Most people here fail to see Christianity all around them, influencing every facet of American life, for the same reason that a fish can't see water.

[hasallherducks]

I think what a lot of people get caught up on is that our country doesn't run on Christian values according to the teachings of Jesus in the Bible. It's a Christian country in that our nation is built on adulterated interpretation of scripture, exploitation in the name of the Christian faith, and the white supremacy that's been baked into the institution of Christianity for centuries. We are not a Christian nation in the sense that our governments, laws, and cultural practices are centered on loving thy neighbor and doing unto others as you would yourself, or even truly worshipping the Christian god and attending to his commandment like meeting the needs of the sick, poor, and bereaved. It is built on what many would consider religious extremism, religious discrimination, and a massive all-consuming superiority complex that creates an ever fluxuating in-group/out-group dynamic. We are not a nation of the bible but we are a nation riddled with "Christian" rot.

[love-ardour-anarchism]

When I call myself a lesbian I don't mean "woman loving women" I do love women but I love the dykes so dyke they're men as well, I love the queers, I love the genderfucky dudes, I love nonbinary and butch, I love whoever I might love.

When I call myself a lesbian what I mean is this: lesbian is my gender. Lesbian is eternal opposition to what society thinks it can deem and what it thinks it can demand of me. Lesbian is my rebellion against cisheteronormative patriarchic norms. Lesbian is my denial of what I am told I'm meant to look, to act, to feel, of who I'm meant to love and hate. Lesbian is self love. Lesbian is gender-based and then-eternal insurrection. Lesbian is our history and our memory at once. Its who we lost and what we won. Lesbian is intersectional or nothing. Lesbian is many things at once. Lesbian is all the paths I've walked. Lesbian is womanhood as photo-negative, then superimposed on the coarse hair on my skin. Lesbian is solidarity with the marginalized, lesbian is punk, lesbian is leather, kink and garter belts. Lesbian is standing up for what is right, its never backing down. Lesbian is my community, its all my friends and me, against this world and all its ills. Lesbian is butch dyke t-girl t-boy t4t, its who I am and who I'll be. Its all my love and all I ever want to see.

[hasallherducks]

I've always known I started too sick to ever grow old and grey like they do in the movies. But yesterday I found a wirey white hair on the side of my head, and I think if I can't get old, maybe grey would be enough.

[hasallherducks]

when my love goes to parties without me

CW: SH, su*cidal ideation

I don’t mind thinking about her with someone else. When I imagine the future, I think about her wife, and I think about mine. I think about her raising her kids and maybe I’ll get over the phobia well enough to have a dog. Maybe my wife will want a cat, or a large well-tended garden instead. When I think about my wedding, she’s standing behind me. When I think about hers, I’m in that same place. I will love her forever and she’s mine as much as she’ll have me, but I want her to be with someone else in a deeper way than she’ll ever be with me. I want to be in love with someone in a way I’ll never love her. I want someone to love me in a way she’ll never be capable of. She doesn’t want me like that. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

But on Halloween, on New Year’s Eve, in a sticky college bar post-finals, a smokey club full of sweaty bodies and foreign languages, I watch her kiss pretty girls, dance with beautiful strangers, drunk on a rare self-confidence, something more than I bring out in her. She is the only girl I see in a room full of faces, the only heartbeat I hear over the pounding of my headache and the rhythm of loud music. I feel nauseous. I feel scared. I feel like a child, left unattended in a strange place, directionless, inadequate, and vulnerable to attacks. I never feel more insecure than when she is with someone else.

And I’ve heard people say it’s all good when you’re the one she comes home to, it’s all okay when she comes back so sated and happy and eager to be back in your arms. But it’s hard to feel like she does “come home to me” in that sense with a relationship like ours. As much as her eyes show sincerity when she whispers “mine” in my bed late at night, fingers locked in my hair and knees tight around my waist, when she tells me “only yours” in the heat of a wonderful moment pressed against my lips or my neck, every time I say it back I wonder how much is just sex and when she might expect me to mean it. We share the same home, yes. But coming back to our home is not the same thing as coming home to me the way they mean it in novels, in songs.

I can’t go to parties, get drunk and be brave. I can’t meet a nice girl in a bar and be hers for the hour or take her home. I can’t travel for concerts or take off for the weekend. A quiet social in a local bar requires days of emotional and physical preparation. My disabilities, my illnesses, my trauma and poor experiences, everything I have ever known has prepared me for stable isolation. I work alone; I write alone; I sleep alone; I hurt alone. And she is so good at togetherness. And I am so sickeningly envious that it makes me ashamed. I adore her. And a lot of the time I wish in many ways that I could be her, be like her, live her life instead of mine.

When you’ve been suicidal for long enough, sometimes it’s easier to sink into the complacency of living to prevent grief for your loved ones. You convince yourself that you cannot go because it would destroy them. You could never kill your best friend’s best friend. You could never kill your lover’s lover. You could never kill yourself.

But when your best friend has so many, when your lover comes and goes, when your family turns their back on you citing your “lifestyle” and then you’re too sick to live it, complacency, co-dependency, isolation become a death warrant. I’ve worked too hard for this to set it down on such thin ice.

She’ll be sober again soon. She’ll be home again soon. I’m only alone because I turned my phone off last night. If I turn it on again there is more help and there is more love; there is a vibrant gradient of happiness and content just one text away. She is not all I have and I should not aspire to be all she wants.

I am not well. And it’s not her fault that I feel this way. There is no betrayal in this jealousy. It gets easier each time to remember I only feel like I want to die because I am tired of working so hard for the life I want. There is much yet to do. There is much yet to feel. Tonight, I didn’t relapse. That means something. Tonight, I didn’t beg my drunk lover to soothe my insecurities over the phone in the middle of the night like an anxious child. That means something too.

My old therapist asked me once, “what if I told you five years from now you will still feel like this?” And I didn’t understand what he meant. I had just relapsed into self-harm for the first time in four years after living the best year of my life and promptly losing my brother. I couldn’t imagine ever having a life worth living if there was no end to this, if there was no final battle I could win to vanquish this depression and the self-destruction, self-sabotage it causes. That was four years ago now. He’ll be right. Next year I will still feel like this. I will always feel like this sometimes.

But then I’ll find more things to write. I find more things to read. I’ll find more people to love and more recipes to try. I will adjust and readjust to new levels of wellness and new versions of normal. It’s cruel, I admit, that the universe would lay on anyone such a heavy burden and mine is still light compared to some. But I will carry it. I want to try.

When I imagine the future, I think about her wife, and I think about mine. I think about her raising her kids and maybe I’ll have a green well-tended garden. We will have many loves. And I will sometimes still feel nauseous when my body needs the rest, and my loves to go parties without me. I will be happy. I will be happy. I can be happy.

[catsinthecosmos]

Saw a post earlier about disability and exercise and how some disabled people can’t exercise and that actually brings up an entirely separate discussion of how most people deliberately define exercise to exclude activities that are mostly disabled people do like PT. Exercise is defined as "an activity requiring physical effort that's used to sustain health or fitness".

PT is exercise.

When I do stretches and the such that is exercise.

It’s not mid or high intensity stuff, it’s not running or hiking or football or the gym or whatever but it counts.

( this is not a dig at that other post btw, that just reminded me of this, both opinions are valid and can exist together and I do agree with them )

[mx-macintosh]

y'all need to relearn the word erratic and stop using schizophrenic/bipolar/psychotic as a replacement

[mx-macintosh]

y'all need to relearn the word particular and stop using ocd as a replacement

[weresoul]

People need to relearn the word "egocentric" and stop using narcissist/narc as a replacement.

[thatpreciousthing]

People need to relearn the word "impulse" and stop using "intrusive thought" as a replacement

[hasallherducks]

Are red-heads coupled with white men in media less often than other white women?

I've had a thought brewing for a while, a research idea I'm not even sure where to start with. It's common knowledge in many circles that Whiteness is an evolving concept, not just a skin color thing, that many kinds of people we consider White today weren't considered White historically. It's about in-group membership. I don't have citations, I don't have references or even a largely relevant academic background but I've started noticing after the "red-heads are Black" joke went viral that I see a lot of red-headed women in particular being coupled with black men in media. Max and Lucas in Stranger Things, Daphne and Simon in Bridgerton, and others. And when they aren't with a black man, often they end up in queer pairings, like Riverdale's Cheryl and Toni, Vicky and Robin also Stranger Things, Poison Ivy and Harley Quin, or Callie and Margo in Hunting Wives, or left decidedly single like Merida in Brave or Natasha/Black Widow in the MCU.

I've got this feeling like there's an unspoken bias in casting, TV/movie writing, and popular media generally that red-headed women don't belong with white men. Be it through fetishization and the idea they are somehow more exotic than other White women or a surface level association drawn between angry red-headed woman stereotypes and angry Black woman stereotypes, I wonder if this is simply the most visible retention of the historical exclusion of Irish and Celtic people from Whiteness.

Many comparisons drawn between groups I've seen called "spicy whites" online (with wildly varying degrees of sincerity, sensitivity, and overt racism) and Black Americans minimize and seek to invalidate the experience by people of color of systemic racism and discrimination, often saying Irish people were often driven into indentured servitude and that made them just as oppressed as Black people post-emancipation. That's ridiculous. I am not at all trying to equate the two. I'm struggling to find good literature about these observations about redheads in fiction and patterns in who they are coupled with romantically and I'm certain there must be some. If I find anything reliable and relevant I'll link it here and sum up what I find in a reblog later I guess. Please let me know if you have any recommendations!

[knuckle]

@white allies: because i see constant self-deprecation based on your whitness, here’s a detailed explanation of why it’s not helping us (or you).

if you continously go on about how horrible white people are, you may rot your own brain into thinking that these shortcomings are a natural state of being rather than a manufactured supremacist system which is simultaneously widespread, evil, and capable of being dismantled. 

recognizing that you have the same human compassion capabilities as everyone else, regardless of how alienated from them you have become, is the first step toward becoming a better person capabable of helping other people (of color).

don’t mirror the way that PoC talk about you as an oppressor class. the context is different, and the mindset that you develop from it is different.

don’t fall into a mindset where you (act as if you) are a morally compromised being for being white. the ultimate end of antiracism is to denaturalize racial hegemony, including virtuous moralization of the “oppressed”

evaluating your engagement in racism & the benefits you receive from white supremacy is only one piece of this process. the other piece is interacting with other people (of color) as if they are indeed the same species as you.

so instead of demoralizing yourself, look at your actions to determine if they are compassionate. academic stuff aside, this is often a good litmus test for racism; even the unintentional you will soon realize was often a failure to conceptualize how your actions would affect others- not a failure by some innate aspect of your race but by the normalized lack of consideration whiteness may afford you

[vampirebeverage]

psa

no one fucking tells you this so here it is:

when signing out forms to apply for disability / filling out a form for diagnosis

you’re supposed to fill it out as you on your worst days

like, I filled out forms that said I could do most things usually

like, my doctor added in the conditions like “yeah, they can feed themselves when not stressed” “they can do this when not stressed”

but how I should have filled it out was more like

“some days I can’t feed myself” “some days I can’t leave the house”

My doctor didn’t even know this, but I talked to someone who had worked with people with both developmental and intellectual disabilities for a number of years, and she told me to write down how it is for your bad days

this should be a thing they tell you, but it isn’t

part of the reason I didn’t get my autism diagnosis as soon as I should have is because I filled out forms wrong!

[reservoircat]

This also goes for filling out forms for disabled parking rights. I’ve been rejected multiple times for a pass cause I didn’t find this out till recently.

[deducecanoe-deactivated20161213]

Wow

[myceliorum]

Also you’re generally supposed to fill it out as you are without help.

That throws me too.  Because the more help I get, the more capable I get.  It’s easy to forget what happens when the help falls away even partially let alone completely.

[catgirlapologist]

isn't it insane though how schizophrenic people are viewed as violent and dangerous by the majority of society when in reality schizophrenic people are nearly 14 times more likely to be on the receiving end of violence than to be the perpetrators...

[catgirlapologist]

schizophrenic person: makes a post trying to raise awareness about the disproportionate abuse and harmful stereotypes schizophrenic people face

yall: "yeah im not gonna reblog this they used the word ins*ne which is so problematic ://"

[truth-spatter]

What the fuck happens that changes these stats to such a massive degree?

[catgirlapologist]

1) schizophrenia hardly ever causes people to be violent so schizophrenic people aren’t more likely to be violent than anyone else

2) schizophrenic people’s autonomy is often taken away from them because of their schizophrenia. because the authorities and mental healthcare providers often automatically assume schizophrenic people to be violent, they’re more likely to immediately react to schizophrenic people's symptoms with violence, without even knowing for sure said schizophrenic person was going to be violent. all of this causes schizophrenic people to be more likely of being victims of violence and abuse. schizophrenic people also have a harder time getting out of abusive households because of the risk of their autonomy being taken away. if a schizophrenic person’s relative or partner is abusive, often the schizophrenic person has no way out of the situation, both because our disconnect from reality can result in us being easier to manipulate, and because the system is built in a way that it takes away our autonomy because of our condition.

[catgirlapologist]

also schizophrenic people and psychotic people in general, please do a lot of research before picking a provider for your own sake, and if they try to treat your psychosis in a way that you think is harmful then don’t hesitate to switch providers. your safety and wellbeing should be a priority over everything else.

[catgirlapologist]

can y'all please reblog this version instead

[anistarrose]

"the concept of queerplatonic relationships originated from the asexual community" and "anyone of any orientation can be in a QPR" and "it's weird to give an overview of QPRs that mentions asexuality without mentioning their significance to so many aromantic people" and "QPRs don't need to be non-sexual" are all true statements that can easily coexist

[anistarrose]

moreover:

it's certainly not "repackaging amatonormativity" for individual aro and/or and ace people to want QPRs, or want to talk about their QPRs in a-spec spaces

it is, however, repackaging social norms when all aros and aces are expected to have or want QPRs, and when their acceptance as aro and/or ace is made contingent on the notion of "well they can still partner platonically 🙂❤️"

[thoodleoo]

reading ancient pompeian graffiti is a fun way to practice language partly because the grammar and spelling of graffiti is a whole different beast than literary language but also because the words themselves are delightful. anyway i've just discovered the cobbled-together adverb ceventinabiliter which means something along the lines of "buttshakingly (with the implication of "in a bottom sort of way")

[official-linguistics-post]

official linguistics post

[icaruspendragon]

hi certified adult™️ here. these are some household tips and tricks i’ve picked up over the years.

stop using liquid laundry detergent. it’s mainly water which means a) you end up using more of it and b) it doesn’t get your clothes as clean. powder detergent is cheaper, lasts longer, and actually cleans your clothes.

while on the topic of detergent, use the measurements on the scoop. especially if you have a high efficiency machine. using more detergent than you’re supposed can mess up your machine.

i also recommend powder detergent for your dishwasher, too.

get an apron. it helps keep cleaning chemical off your clothes. it also prevents your clothes from getting wet if you’re doing the dishes.

this is related to the apron thing. i like wearing one bc it makes me feel like a tavern owner. cleaning is easier when you make it into a game.

if you’re okay with wearing shoes in the house, wear them while you’re cleaning. if you don’t like wearing outside shoes in the house, get a pair of inside only shoes. wearing shoes inside activates what i call “go mode.”

“go mode” is activated when i’m wearing clothes i didn’t sleep in, shoes, and an apron. it tricks my brain into doing things bc getting ready like im going to leave the house makes it easier for me to do tasks.

stop buying all purpose cleaner. get a spray bottle and fabuloso, or some other concentrated cleaner. you add it to your spray bottle and dilute it with water and bam! it’s cheaper and it lasts far longer. and it smells better.

if financially able, get viva paper towels or something similar. they work far better than regular paper towels in terms of absorption and ability to clean dried sauces or what have you. the texture is a bit odd, so if it causes sensory issues, try cheap wash cloths instead.

stop. using. sponges. get a bristle brush. you don’t have to replace them nearly as often, you can actually wash them, and they don’t get stinky if your mental health keeps you from doing dishes for a bit.

i almost exclusively buy generic brand products because i really can’t tell the difference, but if financially able, buy name brand toilet paper. that’s one of the things you can tell a difference with.

stop thinking about cleaning as “cleaning.” that word carries a negative connotation for a lot of folks in a lot of different ways. you’re not “cleaning,” you’re resetting your space.

when it comes to tidying up, remember that you live there. your space is allowed to look like it has someone living in it.

if it’s been a little bit since you’ve tidied up, and you’re overwhelmed, that’s okay. we’re human. shit happens. life isn’t pristine. pick a room, pick a corner, work outward from it, and remember things are gonna look worse before they look better.

sometimes i use a timer system. i set one for 30 minutes and clean until it goes off. then i set another one for 10 minutes and take a break. and then another 30 minute timer with another 10 minute break. etc., etc. sometimes the timer goes off and i’m in the zone so i don’t need the break or another 30 minute timer. sometimes my 30 minutes end and my brain or body tells me i’m done. sometimes i can do 20 minutes or 10 and that’s what i can do for the day. each of these scenarios are okay. progress is progress.

different people have different ideas of what clean looks like. sometimes clean looks like not a single thing out of place. sometimes clean looks like all the trash being picked up and thrown away and no science experiments growing in the kitchen. both ideas are okay.

if you have pets, especially cats, and you’ve got pet smells, especially cat pee, that feel impossible to get out, all hope is not lost. those smells aren’t permanent. borax and vinegar can get the smell out of clothes, but you’ll need to wash them twice. once with the borax and vinegar, and then again without them to get the residue out. this is when an apron is handy again because borax is caustic. so be careful with it. this combo also helps with mildew smells, or just any other hard to get out smell.

if financially able, an enzyme cleaner and oxyclean are great for getting those smells out, too. i like to use “nature’s miracle” enzyme cleaner. it’s super concentrated, so a little goes a long way. i’ve attached the link for it.

got litter boxes? got cat pee smell you can’t get rid of? got another icky smell? “angry orange” is industrial strength AND pet safe. the link for that is included, too. plus it can be diluted to make it last longer.

get a broom with soft bristles that are tightly packed. they do a great job at picking everything up. there’s another link. you don’t have to get that one, it’s just an example.

wear a mask. especially if you have pets. tidying up can stir up a lot of dust and hair. keeping those allergens out helps you a) not feel like shit if you have allergies and b) helps you keep going longer.

if you’re overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to ask for help. you have nothing to be ashamed of.

if you don’t want to ask for help, for whatever reason, that’s okay, too. make a to do list. break your tasks down step by step. need to clean the living room? start by picking up and throwing away trash. then pick up out of place items and return them to their home. if they don’t have a home, make one. clean the windows if you have them. clean the space around the doorknobs if there are knobs to clean. dust if you need to. wipe down any surfaces: coffee tables or end tables or tv stands or what have you. and then vacuum or sweep. it doesn’t have to be perfect. it’s okay if you’ve gotta take breaks. but it’s a starting point.

be kind to yourself. you’re busy and human and the internet lies. most people’s homes don’t look like show homes or magazine worthy. it’s okay if things get out of hand. no matter how daunting, the space can be reset. it may take a couple of hours. it may take a couple of days. it may take a couple of weeks. but it can be done.