[depsidase]

[escuerzoresucitado]

[stateownedslut]

My stupid poser kidnapper wants to show me my missing person's poster but I don't think they do those any more and I kept saying this but they wouldn't listen until they wordlessly handed me a printout of a bbc article talking about it. They want to compose a ransom note with newspaper type but don't know how to buy newspapers as someone under 60 without looking suspicious. The other day I saw in the fridge a carton of oat milk with a home-printed photo of me obviously taken by them awkwardly glued to the side. I don't even get a basement. This is a one-bedroom flat.

[dogpuppy]

[gaytanic-panic]

[shaunleewhoo]

[tony-the-tigers-juicy-armpit]

The point of hanging out in your underwear with a buddy is dryhumping and getting boners

[dogpuppy]

[hikikomoricomplex]

i just don’t feel like we as a society ever fully processed deedee megadoodoo

[hikikomoricomplex]

a cop pulls somebody over for a traffic stop when she gets flattened by a poop truck cause the driver of the poop truck was jerkin his shit nasty style and they report the cop’s name was deedee megadoodoo are you fucking with me right now????

[mallowmaenad]

me clicking each link expecting to get rickrolled:

[oldbutchdanielmolloy]

i appreciate that my local bodega is taking action in the smoking dogs epidemic

[toskarinfr]

must feel good as fuck to curse a prince for being rude to you while you were larping as an old woman for no reason

[plaidos]

there should be an emoji that’s a person with their hands behind their back silently observing a situation

[quixoticornithologist]

there are sounds that only bald people can hear

[wizardlyghost]

[segamascott]

[depsidase]

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[animentality]