well now you have

[snackwizard]

a fools guide to not wanting to die anymore

by me, a fool who doesnt wanna die anymore 

never make a suicide joke again. yes this includes “i wanna die” as a figure of speech. swear off of it. actually make an effort to change how you think about things.

find something to compliment someone for at least 4 times a day. notice the little things about the world that make you happy, and use that to make other people happy.

talk to people. initiate conversation as often as you possibly can. keep your mind busy and you wont have to worry anymore

picture the bad intrusive thoughts in youe head as an edgy 13 year old and tell them to go be emo somewhere else

if someone makes you feel bad most of the time, stop talking to them. making yourself hang out with people who drain you is self harm. stop it.

[wildlyannoyingdoofus]

… 8|

That’s some pretty good advice. I don’t know what’s left of my humor after ‘guess I’ll just die’ jokes but it’s worth a shot.

[snackwizard]

Personally i went from “guess I’ll die” jokes to “IF I HAVE TO BE HERE FOR 5 MORE MINUTES I PROMISE YOU I WILL BUY JUST, AN ARRAY OF CLOTHES.” and other wild hyperbolic stuff. Just replace the death part with something ridiculous and off topic. Its very entertaining

[808lien]

This also works with calling myself things like stupid, worthless, trash, etc. Even if you do this jokingly to yourself, your brain still believes it, and keeps up the cycle. Seriously, I found that when I stopped saying these things about myself, even jokingly, it made a massive difference.

[maramahan]

Here’s a tip I picked up from a friend that’s helped me a lot — replace self deprecating jokes with ironically self aggrandizing jokes

Like every time I trip and fall, instead of saying “l’m just a disaster human” I say “I’m the epitome of grace and beauty”

Or like, when I draw a picture I’m not 100% happy with, instead of saying “my art is trash” I say something like “you know I think it’s time we replaced the Mona Lisa”

When you do that you get to make a joke, but you’re ALSO getting practice building yourself up, y’know?

And eventually it becomes a reflex and you get so used to it that you can say nice stuff about yourself even when you AREN’T joking

[capillaries-blog]

plot twist: the introverted character who doesn’t like big social gatherings or speaking in front of people is still an introvert by the end of the story because introversion is not a character flaw and it doesn’t need to be overcome 

[h-brook-writes]

Look, I’ll go on your stupid adventure, but you better leave me the fuck alone when we get back. 

[raineydaydelib]

Bilbo Baggins.

[hashtagloveloses]

NOT A GOOD EXAMPLE HE WAS SO INTROVERTED HE USED A CURSED OBJECT TO GET AWAY FROM PEOPLE

[kunstzauber]

are u kidding excellent example 100% relatable big mood

[bibliophile-scientist]

@theclockistickingwrite @c-b-strike

[ineffectualdemon]

“Babies only cry if they are hungry, need changing, or need to be picked up”

Lies

Babies (and small children) also cry for reasons such as:

1. “I am tired and that makes me angry”

2. “I scared myself with a fart”

3. “You are the wrong parent”

4. “I ran into something with my face”

5. “I’m facing the opposite direction then the one I want to”

6. “I fell asleep in one place and woke up somewhere completely different”

7. “I am a very small person in a very big world”

8. “I got scared because YOU farted”

Babies have more then 3 states of being and sometimes you just have to hold them and bounce them gently while saying solemnly “yes it is very hard to be a baby” because frankly it is

[aconfusedbird]

you have to remember that when you’re that tiny… pretty much any bad thing that happens to you is LITERALLY the WORST thing that has ever happened in your life. they have no perspective. everything is awful. help them

[let-tyrants-fear]

#everything is happening for the first time and they cant even google it  

[yikyakapp-blog]

[dovahkiin-official]

is everyone who reblogged this okay?

[fayheda]

no

[aqua-regia009]

Ghost & Carry (2013) - Katerina Plotnikova

[bisopod]

t-shirt concept i can’t stop thinking about: picture of a cicada with the slogan SCREAM FUCK DIE

[bisopod]

artist’s impression

[yesdogsnomasters]

holy shit I need this

[justbadpuns]

After the birth of your first child, your role in life will become apparent.

[oukime]

[br00taldan-deactivated20251021]

20 minutes into “Pokémon and chill”

[blurryhaveitjoeway]

buss it open

[elfvenomm]

I have had enough of this site

[kairisparda]

When you find a bra that fits

[poryqon]

“When the weather gets cold in a few months you will complain about it then, so enjoy this heat” I will bitch about it now, I will bitch about it then, I will bitch about everything there is ever to bitch about, because guess what, Im a bitch

[elpiething]

I feel like this needs to be Seussified. 

I will bitch about heat.  I will bitch about cold.  I will bitch about sunshine, and about growing old.  I will bitch about everything, inside and out. You will find there is nothing I can’t bitch about. 

[themightytej]

[butterflyinthewell]

I’m laughing so hard at this post right now omg.

[thesociaijusticecourier-deactiv]

Perfection.

[sleek-siren]

I love it

[kaliforhnia]

[pippenpaddlopsicopolisthethird]

We did it. We’re finally free.

[localstarboy]

i just laughed for 15 minutes straight

[secretlyspookybread]

MOOD

[real-life-chibi]

a KNIFE

NO

kids have no concept of anything. i walked into my kindergarten class and one kid asked me what my name was. when i said miss jones, he said “i like that name. did you know i’m in love with you”

[letthemountainsmoveyou-deactiva]

i asked my four year old cousin how old he thought i was going to be at my next birthday and he said 8. im 23

[roonilwazlip-deactivated2022021]

once i told a 6 year old that i had finished school and was doing “more school” [university] and she asked “why haven’t you found anyone to marry then”

[byeeyeslikeacat-deactivated2019]

We were at a museum and I was asking for the student discount and my nine year old cousin looks up at me with his eyes wide and says “wait you’re a STUDENT??”

[meelothemanly]

I used to babysit these three kids and the eldest who was around 11 at the time was talking about how adults are boring and when I told him I was an adult he said, “That’s not true, you’re my age”

[cractasticdispatches]

our aunt teaches and she has this story about a little girl who really was always pretty quiet in class and then on the final day of kindergarten she just up and stated ‘i’m all teached now. i don’t need to be teached anymore. i’m done of being teached.’

[diamondelight92]

once when i was 19, I told my little cousin that i was 19 and she looked up at me with huge eyes and went, “Does that mean you don’t have to bring an adult with you to the pool?”

[maraudersvibes]

My 6 year old cousin saw me driving for the first time, looked up at him mom and said “does that mean she is married now?”

[standard-fiend]

I watched my dad and my niece (3 at the time) arguing over a pair of pants and whether or not they were also a dress. My neice’s argument was that they were, in fact, also a dress because they were blue.

[loveyoutothem00n]

I asked the kids in my daycare class what they thought I should be for Halloween and this little boy goes, “ooh I know! A pickle! You’d be such a good pickle”

[aimmyarrowshigh]

On the first day of class with my favorite student of all time, I said, “Are you okay? You look like you have a question.” And she looked me right in the eyes and said, tremulously,

“Can a piranha eat a stapler?”

[manic-kin]

One time I was working with a kid and he looked up at me and asked “Do you have a boy?” I had no idea what he was talking about, but I told him that I did not have any boys. He looked shocked and then deeply concerned and said “Well, you better hurry up and shave your arms so you can get married; August is next month!”

[dinovia-grant]

I was sitting on the floor with my 3yo niece and we were playing with her younger brother’s alphabet blocks and the O had an octopus on it.  So I picked it up and asked her what it was.

“Octopus,” she said, all curls and smiles.

“And what kind of animal is an octopus?” I asked.  I was looking for “fish” or “sea creature” but I would have accepted almost anything–”weird,” “gross,” even “slimy.”  “Underwater” or “it lives in the ocean” would have also been acceptable. 

She looks me right in the eye and says, happy as a clam, “It’s a cephalopod.”

I haven’t been the same since.

[sakywaifu]

believe it

[sugarsculls]

[lyyssaaaa13]

Tonight we’ll hear New Year’s Day for the first time ever through a beautiful piano performance by Taylor??? This woman literally wants me dead. So here’s a photoset that show our journey to Track 15 “New Year’s Day”.💗✨