In my free time IĀ write novelsĀ (Iām a NaNoWriMo winner for 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2016, & 2017 but I still donāt have a complete manuscript). Iām working on it. Iāve got a few fan fiction pieces upĀ at Archive of Our Own. See more at http://www.hawthornfire.com
I'm so tired of cis people asking stuff like, "Why would Texas want a list of trans people who legally changed their names?" or "Why would Florida want a list of college students who have seeking gender affirming care? We can't figure it out."
It's eliminationist.
Ken Paxton wants a list of trans people who have changed their name in Texas so he can reverse all of those decisions (and that's the most charitable interpretation). Ron DeSantis wants a list of college students who have seeked affirming care so he can force them to detransition.
Oklahoma introduced a bill to forcibly detransition people under the age of 21 (ironically doing what they accuse us of doing, forcing someone to live as the wrong gender). Texas has a new bill that will ban gender affirming care for every Texan of any age and makes it a felony for doctors to provide it. Multiple states either have passed or will pass bills that will ban legal name changes. Some states have slipped in language to anti-drag bills (which are horrific enough on their own) that ban anyone from displaying, presenting, or dressing outside their "biological" gender (one state has language about "DNA gender") in public.
It's about legally and morally mandating trans people out of existence.
Plain and simple. It's about making sure that trans people can not exist. Period. It's not about restrictions, or "think of the children!" It's about eliminating us from public life and then eliminating us from private life so that we have a choice of either die or conform.
When will y'all realize this isn't some wedge issue or a political football that they'll just give up on if they lose an election or two. These are ideologues who are singularly focused. They don't care about the marketplace of ideas. They don't give a shit if they get mocked on lefty Twitter and the late night shows. They only care about one thing: gaining and then wielding power to achieve their goal of eliminating trans people (and then gay people, and then women who don't conform to their gender standards, ect).
I'm so tired of cis people asking stuff like, "Why would Texas want a list of trans people who legally changed their names?" or "Why would Florida want a list of college students who have seeking gender affirming care? We can't figure it out."
It's eliminationist.
Ken Paxton wants a list of trans people who have changed their name in Texas so he can reverse all of those decisions (and that's the most charitable interpretation). Ron DeSantis wants a list of college students who have seeked affirming care so he can force them to detransition.
Oklahoma introduced a bill to forcibly detransition people under the age of 21 (ironically doing what they accuse us of doing, forcing someone to live as the wrong gender). Texas has a new bill that will ban gender affirming care for every Texan of any age and makes it a felony for doctors to provide it. Multiple states either have passed or will pass bills that will ban legal name changes. Some states have slipped in language to anti-drag bills (which are horrific enough on their own) that ban anyone from displaying, presenting, or dressing outside their "biological" gender (one state has language about "DNA gender") in public.
It's about legally and morally mandating trans people out of existence.
Plain and simple. It's about making sure that trans people can not exist. Period. It's not about restrictions, or "think of the children!" It's about eliminating us from public life and then eliminating us from private life so that we have a choice of either die or conform.
When will y'all realize this isn't some wedge issue or a political football that they'll just give up on if they lose an election or two. These are ideologues who are singularly focused. They don't care about the marketplace of ideas. They don't give a shit if they get mocked on lefty Twitter and the late night shows. They only care about one thing: gaining and then wielding power to achieve their goal of eliminating trans people (and then gay people, and then women who don't conform to their gender standards, ect).
I wanna talk a moment about how people out here doing the current work standing up against book banning have criticized this statement, I think with justification. King means well, but this is inadequate to the current moment by A LOT.
And I say this with all appreciation for our Uncle Steve, one of my lifelong favorite authors. This encouragement is one that, if he had verbalized it even five years ago, I would simply nod along. Right on! Find your library and read the thing!
But this is not that time.
We're now in a time when what faces school libraries and their boards and administrators, public libraries, booksellers, authors, everyone who works in any way with the written word and published material that children might interact with are facing backlash on a scale too big for King's advice here. In 2018, I faced a single book challenge at the library that employs me. Cost us money to employ our procedures, time, mental health, but ultimately it was one person's complaint about ONE book.
What is now leveled at schools, libraries, booksellers, publishers, writers and more IS NOT THAT. What is happening now is:
*slates of dozens, even hundreds of simultaneous challenges
*organized and systematic protests designed to overwhelm even organizations with solid policies
*attacks designed to end-run established policies, including reporting librarians, teachers and workers to the police and endeavoring to pressure authority figures to overstep established rules to remove materials, all the way up to threatening to jail those who object to their censorship
*drastic efforts to remove materials at a legal level, including efforts to ban the sales and existence of these books in the first place with new redefinitions of obscenity.
And of course:
*a truly staggering focus on items being termed obscene or pornography or objectionable whose content is better simply described as "about BIPOC" or "about LGBTQIA+ folks".
Please understand, this is orders of magnitude bigger than you think. In my fifteen years in libraries, previous years showed (and I'm generalizing broadly) about 250-300 complaints about books nationwide. Total. Not necessarily different titles. If we just look at 2021, there were over a thousand different books under censorship fire, and entire libraries' worth of books in some cases being removed. This is happening to break public education and public libraries, not just remove one book - and it is meant to drive people out of public life who are not white and straight.
You can't just "read the book they don't want you to read", because in Texas alone that's like 800 books at a time. And you cannot count on public libraries and booksellers, because the efforts are happening to deny the ability to even PUBLISH some flavors of content. It is kind of funny in a not-ha-ha way that King is advising this on the very week that some group removed two of his books -- on a list of about two dozen others at one go.
Please, please, I am begging you as a librarian who works with teenagers and sees what's happening every day - look for this in your community and think about how you might respond before "remove the books" becomes "remove the people".
I saw an otter briefly hop on top of a babirusa at the zoo and when the stranger standing next to me heard my camera shutter click he turned to me with this look of immense relief, put his hand to his chest, and said in a dead serious tone āoh thank christ someone caught that on filmā
Iām a pacifist like institutionally but Iām absolutely certain that violence solves at least some problems on a much smaller level. I donāt believe in wars or nuclear weapons or military campaigns I do believe in the power of that guy who punched the nazi in the face so hard his entire media presence immediately crumbled to dust
FYI, this was an actual streetlamp in WrocÅaw, Poland. Local services removed the overgrowth because apparently nearby people had trouble sleeping with this by their windows.
Kara catches the bouquet at Alex and Kellyās wedding. Blue eyes peak out from a tangle of wildflowers and connect with Lenaās. Her cheeks are flushed the same pink as peonies, and for a moment Lena can taste fresh air and honeysuckle.
The crowd around them surges and then Kara is being swept up into Mon-elās arms like petals caught on the breeze. He swings her around in a wide circle, clearing a space around them, and when her feet mercifully touch back to the Earth sheās blinking up at him with those same blue eyes.
Lena swallows down the silk in her throat and the sting of bile, and goes to refill her champagne.
-
She has loved Kara since the first time she met her, she thinks. Since a softly uttered āyeahā of understanding that left Lena feeling hopeful for the first time in years.
She has loved Kara and she has lost her and she has found her again. There was a river of tears between them at one point but Lena has spent a lifetime treading water, and even with the weight of Lex clinging to her ankles, she had managed her way back across.
Back to Kara. Back to herself.
There are moments when sheās sure Kara loves her too, in a way that matches the pounding of Lenaās heart when they share secret smiles, and soft touches, and whispered assurances.
Sometimes Kara opens her mouth to speak and Lena can already taste the words.
-
Mon-el came back to help them face down one last world threatening villain. Heās all wiry beard and padded suit, and he looks at Kara like he understands her better than anyone. Better than her sister, who has never known the loss of a planet or the inky expanse of space.
Better than Lena, who has memorized loss but never known the planes of Karaās body.
She watches him press a small blue stone on a silver chain into Karaās palm, and thinks maybe heās right.
When the necklace slips around Karaās neck, Lena tastes chrysanthemums, acid burning at the back of her throat as hot and wet as the tears she refuses to let fall. She excuses herself from the happy reunion to collect herself in the lab, and struggles to breathe.
The fight to get air into her lungs devolves into a hacking cough that she muffles with her sleeve until it comes away wet. There, pressed against the silky green fabric, rests a single petal.
-
āYou should go,ā she says when Kara comes to her with a crinkled brow and worried eyes, seeking advice, because thatās what friends are for.
Karaās mouth twists downward beneath the blood red of her Supergirl lipstick. The tense line of her shoulders is sharp as her hands move reflexively to her hips, like sheās preparing for battle.
āYou canāt mean that.ā
āOf course I do,ā Lena says. She wants to be as supportive as Kara has been to her since that very first CatCo article. To payback even a fraction of the kindness Kara has given her over the long and winding course of their friendship.
If this is going to be the end, she wants it to be a good one, even if it kills her.
āIt would be a fresh start, away from all the baggage of CatCo and Supergirl. Youāve needed to get away for a while now, and the opportunity is here. You should take it. Youāve more than earned it. How many times have you saved this city? Saved the whole world? You just saved everyone from Nyxly.ā
āWe did that,ā Kara says and her jaw is so tight that it almost snaps. Her eyes soften marginally, uncertainty and sadness flooding into dark blue. āTogether.ā
Lenaās chest aches, something squeezing around her ribs and up into her heart so strongly that it feels like Karaās fist.
āWe did. That alone proves that we can handle things here for a while. Let us shoulder some of your burden, Kara. You donāt have to do it alone. Like you told me before ā weāre your family. We have your back.ā
It feels cowardly, hiding behind the proverbial we. Karaās frown deepens and Lena feels something blossom at the back of her throat.
āDo you want me to leave?ā
Lena twists her fingers into the sleeves of her sweater and fights not to answer with a spray of petals that begs her to stay.
āI just want you to be happy.ā
-
Lena knows whatās happening to her. It had only taken a few flips of the page in her motherās grimoire to identify the magical disease, one that threatened any witch who succumbed to the dangerous throes of unrequited love.
She holds a fully blossomed lily in her palms, and lets words that are now familiar slip over her tongue. She pours her love and her grief and her hope into the spaces between the sticky petals, and a moment later the whole thing burns to cinders in her hands.
She collects the ashes into a small jar and slips a sample beneath the lens of her favorite microscope.
The book was very clear that unless the love is returned, the afflicted is left with only two choices: cast a spell to magically remove the romantic feelings, or die.
Lena brushes ashes between her fingers and wonders which would be worse.
-
Kara is leaving.
Mon-el is waiting on the gangplank of a Legion ship, his cape fluttering in the wind as he watches her say her final goodbyes. He looks excited and eager, like the whole future is laid out before him even without the help of time travel.
Kara is somber. There are no excited ramblings about what to do while sheās away or Back to the Future Jokes or loud, boisterous laughs.
Just long goodbyes and stony silence.
Sheās been wrapped up in Niaās trembling arms, and kissed on both cheeks by Brainy and Kelly. Sheās stood in the strong embrace of Jāonn with their foreheads pressed together like he was sharing something meant only for her.
Sheās barely looked at Alex, and hasnāt acknowledged Lena at all.
It hurts, like thorns sprouting in her esophagus and thick petals between her teeth. Lena presses her lips together and refuses to ruin this.
When Kara steps up to her it isnāt with an easy hug or a soft smile. She just stands there, shifting from one red boot to the other, looking between Lenaās eyes like maybe sheāll find something new there.
Lena has spent a lifetime controlling her emotions, hiding her feelings away behind carefully practiced masks of cool indifference but she has never been much good at keeping anything from Kara.
āBye,ā she wheezes around the feel of petals under her tongue.
Kara wraps strong arms around her and when she pulls away Lenaās lips are as red as Supergirlās.
A thumb brushes across Lenaās bottom lip and comes away sticky with blood and pollen.
āLena?ā
A shower of purple roses erupts from her in place of the words she canāt bring herself to say ā donāt leave me, donāt leave me, i love you.
Kara catches her like the bouquet and everything fades to black.
-
When she wakes up itās to the bright lights of the towerās medical bay and the blinding worry in Karaās eyes.
The air rushes out of her like wind through a field of wild flowers, and she struggles to sit up, swaying dangerously.
Kara steadies her with the softest hands she can manage, fingers delicate against her biceps, and sheās so close that Lena can smell stardust.
She lets her head fall to Karaās chest, turning into her like a sunflower seeking the sun. For a few moments they both just breathe, and then Karaās arms are sliding around her shoulders, fingers tangling in dark hair, holding Lena impossibly closer.
āI could never leave you,ā Kara whispers, hot and serious into the crown of Lenaās head. It washes over her in warm waves. āPlease, donāt ask me to again.ā
Lena struggles to breathe around a mouthful of plumeria petals, but when Kara pulls back just enough to look at her face, when Karaās breathes a puff of frost against her flushed face, Lena forgets the name of every flower sheās ever known.
When Kara kisses her it doesnāt taste of honeysuckle or roses.
Reminders for new ao3 users (in no particular order):
- filter your searches like you would on a library website or in an online catalogue
- donāt post placeholders, fic searches, or recommendations as fics. DONāT! Itās against ao3 TOS
- there is no algorithm. ao3 sorts by date posted/updated unless you filter with specific search criteria
- ao3 is a non profit. that means it doesnāt sell ads to make money ā it only survives on donations. this is why it can show you so many fics without ever flashing an ad or pop up at you!
- report fics that break TOS when you see them (I.e., placeholder fics, searches) to help other users navigate better
- the tag ādead dove, do not eatā doesnāt equate to gore/awfulness automatically. it is a complementary tag that enhances current tags. E.g., if the fic is tagged āgoreā and ādead dove, do not eatā the author really wants you to mind the gore tag
- most fandoms have a variation of āno beta, we die like (x character)ā and they all link back to the āNo betaā tag
- publishing a new fic sometimes means it wonāt show up in the fandom/pairing tag for a few minutes
- subscribers receive update emails at different times, depending on when you update/publish your fic. thereās no good way to predict when an e-mail will be sent ā it can be in 30 seconds, or two hours later
- some fics are restricted by authors to those with ao3 accounts only. if you see a blue lock in the upper right corner, that fic is only visible to logged in ao3 users
- you can block commenters now! this didnāt use to be a thing
- updating a fic just to stay at the top of the pairing tag/fandom tag is a dick move. unless youāre legitimately editing or adding chapters, this just annoys readers and fellow authors, and people will skip over your fic
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