let go

hazel st. james. 28. ecologist.

[hazelstjames]

-hazel st.james.

age: 28. birthday: July 13th, 1994. pronouns: she/her. birthplace: new york occupation: ecologist  best traits: passionate, empathetic, supportive. worst traits: emotional, wounded, overprotective. sexuality: bisexual.

-more. tw: depression, anxiety, death.

hazel has lived in lockwood springs since she was 14 years old, she attended college in denver and after graduating she has traveled a LOT but she always came back to lockwood for decent periods of time inbetween. 

she is a twin!!!! @noahxstjames 

she is the calmer / softer of the st. james’ and she tries to be her brother’s voice of reason. but also, only she can call him out! she doesn’t like people having negative opinions about him. 

she’s experienced the death of their parents when they were twelve, and then two years later the death of their grandmother. as a result hazel has a lot of mental health issues, primarily anxiety and depression. exploring and being among wildlife/nature helps her a LOT. which is why she studied zoology and went on to become an ecologist. 

she’s cousins to @frankie-ackerman and @ezraackerman

very kind and thoughtful and doesn’t give up on friendships easily. 

could be perceived as soft but she’s fairly ressilient.

sentimental and caring. 

passionate about reserving nature. 

has her own apartment downtown, and is more than comfortable financially but she doesn’t care about materialistic things. she dresses quite casual and probably doesn’t give the impression she’s wealthy.

[hazelstjames]

noah:

•

“Sorry that I don’t feel like biking in the rain and don’t even get me started on the leaflets!” Noah exclaims, laughing incredulously, “you probably can’t even count how many times I’ve helped you hand something out. Last month it was on why Zoos are oppressive institutions or maybe that was February.” He stops and gives her a look. “So knock it off,” Noah says with a grin, even though Hazel knows him perfectly well enough that she probably won’t think anything of his words. “It’s not gloating, it’s telling the truth and the truth is –– I’m better at bowling than you!” He emphasizes with an impromptu dance as his last bowl hits the remaining pin. Noah gives a mocking bow with a flourish of his hands as she moves to take her turn. “Just remember I gave you the option.” He shakes his head, nodding at some kid’s birthday party a few lanes over. “They seem to be doing fine. Seems like the only person with a problem here is, a, you, Hazey Wazey, ” he goads with a cackle.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•  

                                       “It’s good for you!” Hazel defended herself, and she’d always invite her brother along for anything. Even if his head was cut out of most promotional photos but that was his own fault for having long legs. “And just think, when you’re back playing games again, all the people who’ll be like, oh he’s such a nice guy he gave me a leaflet! I should be your PR manager.” Hazel added. She opened and closed her hand to mimic him and rolled her eyes, despite grinning the whole time. “Yeah yeah, it’s only because you have long arms. Freakishly long. You go half way down the lane before you even let go of the ball.” she laughed and scrunched her nose to try and be somewhat threatening to him. “This just means next time I know not to pick bowling and to insist on leaflets, right? So make the most of it, Noah-Woah.”

[hazelstjames]

harvey:

God damn Lily. This was probably her way of getting back at him for calling her boring routine boring. Harvey didn’t dislike Hazel, they used to all be close before the obvious happened and he didn’t like having to sit in an uncomfortable situation for longer than he needed to. He should have known that about himself before he agreed to help his sister (without her knowing) or come to this dinner. At this point he didn’t know which was worse. “Haze, I think we have to just accept we’ve been stood up.” he laughed, putting both palms on the table. “Maybe…it’s a little soon?” he shrugged a shoulder, even though it’d been years but maybe that was half of the problem too. “I appreciate the idea here, for sure. But, I don’t think we can expect everything to just be okay.” He may as well be obvious with it, since the two empty seats at the table were obvious enough. “I don’t care staying though, guess it means we can catch up without awkward silences?”

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•  

                                          Hazel nodded slowly at Harvey, letting the reality sink in that it would just be the two of them. Her plans of trying to squeeze in a little more friendship between Noah and Lily had failed, and she supposed there were worst punishments for it than having dinner with Harvey. “I guess you’re right.” she sighed, smoothing the napkin over her lap and then scanning the menu. “I wasn’t trying to...I know they’ll probably never...” she looked at the two empty spaces, opposite one another which would have been so cute. Maybe reminding them both that what they had was special. “I know they’ll probably never get back together, I’m not stupid. I just...I think they forget that it was nothing wrong with them, just all the stress of everything.” then she smiled at Harvey appreciatively as she put the menu down. “It’ll be fine just us, it’s not weird right? Although we probably look like a couple. Hey, maybe you can fake propose and we will get fancy dessert?”

[hazelstjames]

INSTAGRAM ↳ @hazelstjames just uploaded a new photo

plants are cool

♥ 109 likes    ✎ 12 comments

[hazelstjames]

where: neue  with: @harvey-dupont​

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

                                             Well, Hazel certainly didn’t predict this. Noah and Liliana both not turning up to a group meal. She was hoping it would kickstart the old days, get all four of them back to how they used to be but...Liliana and Noah clearly weren’t ready to have a meal together. Understood, loud and clear. Hazel just wished they told her instead of letting her go ahead with the reservation because now she was sat opposite Harvey, not really knowing what to do. “Maybe we should try texting them again? Maybe you text Noah and I text Lily?” she suggested. “Maybe they’re both on sibling strike or something?” she laughed, awkwardly. “Or traffic? It’s getting busier this time of year so...but I did ask Noah to walk, or bring his Tesla. Oh, maybe they carpooled?” Nope. Stop. “Um...sorry. We could just...go ahead and order?”

[hazelstjames]

noah​:

Noah snorts as Hazel attempts to go for the bigger bowling ball, holding up his hands innocently. “I didn’t say that. I only said your six year old self would be unimpressed with how little progress you’ve made.” He teases good-naturedly before holding in a laugh at her technique. He shakes his head. “Maybe we should’ve picked something else to do, Haze. I don’t think bowling is your sport,” he dodges any potential swat that comes his way and grabs the same sized ball she’d just picked up, but with much more ease. Noah doesn’t even glance at his twin when he sends the ball careening down the alley. It’s impossible not to fist pump when he gets all but two pins and just as soon as his hands had come up, he lowers them at Hazel’s expression. “It’s not my fault you’ve got string bean arms!” he says defensively, gesturing at the smaller bowling balls. “Just use one of those. It’s fine. No one’s gonna judge you…much.?”

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

                                              Hazel’s expression dropped at Noah’s reply, rolling her eyes. “Well, somebody didn’t want to go for a hike or join me handing out leaflets on the future of solar paneling. So, this was the last of my choices.” she said, not truly judging Noah’s different idea of fun. It was just an easy jab to make and she had to take what she could get, since he seemed to have a lot more witty jokes than she ever did. Hazel watched him take his shot, groaning at how he made it look easy. “Gloating isn’t a good look, Noey.” Hazel said to him, arms crossed as she frowned even though she wanted to cheer him on. It was obvious he was going to win anyways. To prove a point, Hazel grabbed the heaviest ball again. “Absolutely not, I’d rather lose trying than taking an easy way out.” she jutted her chin up, lining up her next roll. She still had to use both hands and sighed when the ball steered off in it’s own direction. “This is rigged, Noah. It’s like it was designed for men or something.”

[hazelstjames]

where: pins with: @noahxstjames​

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•  

                                                In an attempt to try and catch up with her brother’s score, Hazel finally opted for the heavier ball and carried it with both hands towards the lane. “You’re gonna regret saying I throw like I did when we were six.” she warned him, but wasn’t able to carry the ball in any other way. All she could do was squat and sway the ball between her legs and then roll it which seemed promising as it hurtled down towards the pins. Until the pesky slope pushed it into the gutter. Hazel spun around with a flat smile, shaking her head at Noah. “Don’t even say anything, I don’t need to hear it.”

[hazelstjames]

lily

-

Lily burst out into a louder laughter as soon as Hazel spilled the wine, but even while laughing she moved to her feet to grab a dish cloth. “Are you drunk Hazel St. James? because, that’s not very…good. You should handle your drink better.” Liliana teased, even as her words slurred a little with her fit of giggles. “Craig is the dream, we all know this. He knows this. That’s why he has a yacht and…obviously, filter using females aren’t allowed on it. You just know he says females.” she dampened the cloth and made the return quickly, only to find Hazel strewn across the couch like a heap of limbs. Lily was laughing as she dabbed Hazel’s dress while the very cliche French stereotype played out. “No, no. You’re missing the key element of the French language, mon ami.” she played into it. “You have to sound real pissed off, almost aggressive. C'est un connard!” Lily laughed, over pronouncing her words. “CON-ard. Like you’re gonna be calling him a different c-word.”

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•  

                                                “Me!? Drunk!? Lord, no. What would the church say!?” Hazel gasped playfully and clutched imaginary pearls around her neck. She cringed hard as Lily talked about Craig, making a face as if she had eaten a sour lemon. “I hate him already. He probably wears brogues and no socks, I can literally imagine it.” she laughed, squeezing her eyes shut to make the visuals disappear. Hazel was slightly too intoxicated to notice Lily was helping her until her eyes opened again and she pouted. “You’re such a good friend. Thank you.” she said, slowly trying to sit up again without spilling any more wine. “CONNARD.” Hazel shouted then through another loud laugh, some of the wine slopping out of the glass to the couch. “Shoot.” she then whispered, peering up at the ceiling to where she imagined Noah was trying to sleep. “Do you not come and hang out much because of him?” she pointed her free hand upwards and then took the cloth to dab the couch. “Because that’s stupid, Lily. He’s got a lot better, kinda. Sort of. But like, surely the world won’t collapse if you saw one another?”

[hazelstjames]

zizi

.

“Ew, I thought that was over after the whole attempted murder thing?” Zizi scoffed then made a nauseated face. It was her fault for getting her hopes up. She should have known he would fall for that evil little minx again. “Oh.” Her forehead wrinkled with confusion but only for a second because that was how you got wrinkles and she was much too pretty to get botox before thirty. “No, no I was just bored and was looking to hang out with my best friend.” A very honest answer because what else was she going to say? It’s not like she had an emergency or something. Unless he knew how to get out of there quicker. “What are you doing to pass the time anyways? Anything fun?” Probably not but it was something to pass the time, plus maybe Noah would come back soon.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•  

                                                 Hazel frowned at Zizi’s response, possibly too obvious which she tried to force into a smile so she ended up bearing her teeth in a strange grimace at her instead. “Well, no one tried to murder anyone Zizi and...no one had anything to do with it. So maybe...they’ll figure it out.” she said sing songy with a little jostle of her shoulders from side to side. She hoped they would, for Noah’s sake and not just because being friends with her twin brother’s ex-girlfriend was difficult to navigate. “Best friend?” Hazel questioned before nodding, the last thing she wanted to do was piss Zizi off. Zizi the Ruthless. “Oh yeah, Noah.” she corrected herself quickly. “I’m just throwing a report together about fracking and...” Hazel paused. It was nowhere near as interesting as other things. Think, what did Zizi like? “Sooo, are you gonna watch the Oscars?”

[hazelstjames]

lily:

@hazelstjames​ at: hazel’s apartment

-

Wine night with a whole group of girls was always a good weekend starter but as always, after their friends dropped away to go home, it was Hazel and Lily left on the couch rambling about nonsense. Shoving a few pretzels into her mouth, Lily sat up straight after precurring Hazel’s phone. “Okay now Simon…yay or nay?” she laughed after having a little snoop in her friend’s Hinge app. “Oh wait…fishing picture. Nay nay nay.” she then added a little slurry, leaning back on the couch so Hazel could actually have input on the potential date. “Ohhh…Craig. He has a yacht.” Lily laughed again, absolutely knowing what the answer will be. “We love men with yachts, it’s so impressive. Looky, his bio says…If you take selfies with a filter, I don’t want you. Wow, Craig has standards. A catch.”

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

                                               Wine drunk was possibly the best...or worst kind of drunk. One second they were all talking in a group and the next, Hazel is slumped on her couch with Liliana while The Killers blast through the speakers. “Boooooooooooo.” Hazel yelled loudly, throwing both thumbs downwards as her arms reach out into the air. “Stop killing fishes, jerk.” she added, leaning back towards her friend. Pretending to be intruiged by the yacht, Hazel played along happily as she sipped her...fourth glass of wine? Fifth? “Oo la la, well color me impressed Mr. Craig. I have no idea why you’re single.” Hazel stretched elegantly across the couch, sipping more of her wine and missing her mouth by a few droplets. “What would you call him in French? El douche.” she mumbled, looking at the red stain down her dress and chuckling more at her joke. “El douch-ey.” Hazel giggled, throwing a strand of her own hair under her nose for a mustache. 

[hazelstjames]

zizi​:

where: edison high school

who: @hazelstjames​

“Surprised you aren’t following Lily around like a puppy,” Zizi had been looking for Noah but got his mousey little sister instead. “That is where I normally see you when we are all gathered like this.” Her hand flourished to represent the room. She tried not to be particularly harsh to Hazel, knowing how much she meant to Noah. That by no means meant she needed to like her though. Especially since she was best friends with that trifling little bitch Liliana. Zizi stepped back to look the girl over. She made a judgmental hum after her assessment and sighed. “Anyways, where’s your handsome older brother?”

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

                                                Hazel looked up from her laptop, at first thankful for a distraction from the detailed report she’d got stuck into. Until she saw that it was Zizi, someone she barely tolerated because for whatever reason, Noah thought she was a good friend. “I think she’s with my brother.” Hazel smiled, knowing that out of all the places Zizi would hate to hear for Noah’s whereabouts, it would be at Lily’s side. However, Hazel didn’t like to stir trouble and quickly backtracked on her own words. “Or you know, maybe Noah is somewhere else. Probably.” she added sweetly, closing the laptop slowly. “Is there a message you’d like me to pass on? I’m sure I’ll see him, at some point.”

[hazelstjames]

noah. dj.

DJ feels indestructible for only a brief second, until Noah lunges to him and he’s quickly reminded that he has bitten off far more than he can chew. His back hits the cold ground and makes DJ shout out with aggression and the punch to the nose makes him reconsider why he ever thought this was a good idea. But, adrenaline is fueling him now. While he can feel the blood on his face, DJ wrestles and throws one of his own fists to Noah, with every intention of doing the same damage. He can barely breathe from the anger that’s tangled inside him, writhing out from the solid grip to get back to his feet. But he’s not letting it go, and is already trying to connect to Noah again with a fist.

•

It’s like Noah’s a snake shedding its skin, shedding the pretense of charming smiles and success, as his fist collides with DJ’s nose and rage takes over. The sort that hasn’t been worked out or addressed in twenty-eight years, and likely won’t be for twenty-eight more. It’s the kind that simmers below the surface before hitting a boiling point and spilling over. He pours each and every drop of it into the way knuckles crunch against bone and just when he’s pulling his fist down to connect with whatever fucking part of DJ’s fucking ugly face he can, the asshole escapes, wriggling and thrashing like a fucking eel as he maneuvers out of Noah’s grip. Swearing, he barely scrambles to his own feet when DJ rams him into the wall, scattering a small pile of supplies. He shouts in fury when DJ’s fist collides with his ribs and he doesn’t think twice before looping an arm around the other’s neck. Noah attempts to keep him in place with a frantic facsimile of a half nelson, driving a knee up and aiming for any part of the DJ he can get to. 

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

                                                It’s the commotion that drew in Hazel and this strange feeling in her stomach, just right at the very pit, that something wasn’t right and she needed to find Noah. As she got closer, she could hear people calling out “stop”...and then closer and she could distinctively recognize her own twin’s voice despite the incoherent garble of words. She wasn’t expecting to see DJ and her giant of a brother fighting like they had been life long enemies. It had been a while since she saw Noah like this, and Hazel immediately tried to find a way to intervene. Except it was a frenzy, and in her panic she had no idea how to even get between them. They were both like crocodiles clamped down on its pray. “Noah, stop you’re going to hurt him!” she yelled out, hoping her voice could be a reason. “Stop it, whatever’s happened it doesn’t matter!” Think of your career, she tried to imprint the thought as his own. Desperate, Hazel turned to a few other faces that had gathered. “Please someone stop them, my brother could...someone has to get them apart!”

[hazelstjames]

Twidiot

Noah: What?

Noah: [still waking up at 1:30 pm, fumbles out of bed with a crash, blankets tangled]

Noah: Right blankets okay. Snacks. I have protein bars? Oh and some oreos. Why'd you leave your hiking boots here

Noah: [listens to her voice message before another text comes through and disrupts it]

Noah: ugh where are they? Message cut off

Noah: We can take the jeep there? [She'd made him get an eco friendly car but he couldn't let go of the other one and now there was a reason for it, though she'd probably never admit.]

Hazel: Bring it all! And they were really dirty so I didn't want to take them home.

Hazel: Under the table by the left leg which is shocking that you haven't noticed

Hazel: ...

Hazel: Fine. Just this once.

[hazelstjames]

Twidiot

Noah: Hey, are you home? Building just lost power.

Hazel: I am, everyone's going to the high school so get packing.

Hazel: BRING BLANKETS

Hazel: Oh and I left a pair of my hiking boots there can you bring those too

Hazel: [Voicenote explaining where the hiking boots were]

Hazel: And snacks

[hazelstjames]

noah

•

Noah rolls his eyes, “you know, I feel like no one ever talks about short people the way they do about tall people. It’s kinda prejudice,” he spouts with a snort, throwing his head back and scoffing at her suggestion of a double act. “The Noah and Hazel show sounds like we’re on Disney channel.” Though if he was going to do anything so ridiculous, there’s no one he’d rather do it with than his twin. “So I’d play guitar and you’d tap dance? Why not be mimes or something. Seems like less effort,” he suggests with a grin as they walk, Noah burrowing deeper into his coat with another gust of wind. “I don’t like to forget. Like I don’t just wake up like oh hey I’m gonna be a giant fucking asshole. But people are stupid so.” He shrugs, as though that explains everything. 

“I mean, I’ve never thought about it. Or like a bush or something. Just not like strait up. And you know what?” Noah makes a face at her, “next time I have an interesting fact, I’ll keep it to myself, rude ass,” he nudges her side with his elbow, tone light as he speaks. The smile on his face slips at the mention of his ex and Noah stuffs his hands back into his pockets. “Oh yeah? I mean…we don’t really see each other at work.” Not to mention he does everything he can to avoid her (and the rink) during working hours. “You know we’re not exactly on super speaking terms, Haze.”

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•  

                                                 “Out of everyone on this planet, neither of us would be able to confirm or deny that for certain.” she snorted, gesturing at both of their heights. She enjoyed walking with her brother, though. Mainly because his height made her pick up her own pace, turning a leisurely walk into a brisk one that cleared out her lungs and messy thoughts. She wondered if Noah knew that, or if she’d ever told him “Do you think we’d be those Disney kids that make it to adulthood without...problems?” she chuckled again, imagining Noah in a top hat and one of those canes even though she was supposed to be the one tap dancing. Hazel tucked her chin into her jacket, not caring that her voice would muffle for her next words. “Or you’re stupid and they’re annoyed at you and you’re annoyed at them for being annoyed at you being stupid.” she said into the fluffy material, grinning to herself whether or not it was heard by Noah.

“I like interesting facts but that was more...common knowledge. Here’s an interesting fact though. Do you know kangaroos have three vaginas?” she burst out laughing, glaring up at her brother and raising her eyebrows in challenge. “Go on, google if you don’t believe me.” she snorted, knowing the idea of anybody googling that was part of the hilarity. Hazel hummed, nodding in full understanding of Noah and Lily’s distance even if it did break her heart a little bit. “No, I...I’m not saying it like that just...I was worried something else happened. She’s been kind of...flaky on plans, is all.” Hazel wanted to huff and ask her brother why their relationship needed to end, they were victims together too just as much as the other skater. But...a long time ago. Things changed. “Anyways, back to interesting facts. Armadillos can catch leprosy.”

[hazelstjames]

lily:

-

“Yeah well, I wish they’d use their brains for once.” Lily laughed, already hearing how her words came out a lot harsher than she intended. Not that she had much sympathy for people who wanted to label her as a criminal. Nodding about Hazel’s predicament, Lily sat back in her seat and gestured vaguely. “For sure let me know. I’m no political mastermind but I’m sure we can help.” The we meaning the DuPonts, a possible powerful name to have backing something up. “I’ve never lied in my life so I’m not about to start now.” Lily laughed before her eyes widened. She knew the drunken story Hazel was referring to and ended up slumping with her hands over her face. “No, please. I think we need to just so I can redeem myself. I’m not a messy drunk, that was just very bad timing. And Pink Gin is the devil. I’ve decided. No pink gin, and I’d be good as gold.”

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•    

                                               “Me. Too.” Hazel breathed out a soft chuckle, leaning forward like it was a little secret before sitting back again. She had always appreciated Liliana’s company, the two of them close when they were younger and during the time she dated Noah. But, Hazel wasn’t stupid, there was a wedge that was created when their relationship ended. “I appreciate that, thank you Lils.” Hazel smiled warmly to her friend, laughing again. “Yes! Exactly! Redeem yourself, that’s the best thing to call it. It’s not bad if it’s redeeming yourself. When are you free?” Hazel grabbed her phone, ready to set the date there and then. She eyed through her own schedule, humming to herself in thought. “I can’t do this weekend but next? Or we can say screw it and call out of work next morning in the week?” she looked up, mischievously brimming with hope that the plans wouldn’t be changed or canceled last minute as things seemed to be going between her and Lily. 

[hazelstjames]

ezra:

when it came to the st. james-ackerman crew, ezra felt like she didn’t really fit. she was the one that sat in the corner with her laptop, making up silly little stories about fictional people falling in love. but if there’s one person in her family that doesn’t make her feel like a total outsider, it’s hazel. they’re the close in age and close in personality, and on her worst days ezra knows she can seek her cousin out, and that the feeling is mutual. her schedule is less packed than hazel’s, she sure, so when she received that text asking about a snack, it was a no-brainer that she dropped everything to meet her. always the good listener, she sat quietly with her eyebrows in a scowl, head cocking to the side as if she were some sort of therapist taking it all in. “you’re making me glad that i don’t have to attend meetings very often,” she muttered, fingers picking idly at the pastry on her plate. “but i’ll tell you something right now: if i could adopt a polar bear, i would.”

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•  

                                                   Hazel laughed and took another bite from the pasty, waiting to chew it before speaking again. “You’re lucky but I promise, I didn’t text you just so I could vent. I did want to see you too.” she smiled, propping her chin onto her hand as she leaned on the table. “How’s everything? And, am I allowed any sneak peeks at anything new you’re writing?” she loved the creativity that flowed from her cousin. She wished she could see the world in the same way, and be able to draw inspiration and weave beautiful stories the way Ezra could. It was a gift, certainly. “You definitely can adopt polar bears.” Hazel laughed, grabbing her backpack from the seat beside her and opening it up on her lap. As if by magic, there was a pamphlet about that exact thing. Along with donkeys, seals, penguins, tigers. “You could adopt a whole zoo if you wanted actually, and they write to you every so often. Not the animals, obviously. That would be impressive but strange. But I did see a video of an elephant painting, so who knows. Maybe it’s possible.”