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Main is @juniperspolyphony We’re Juniper, an adult C-DID system and this is our side blog talking about our life with various mental illnesses, trauma, healing, integration and fusion. There are aspects of our trauma we will not talk about publically. Do not assume you know what we’ve been through, and do not assume that the way you heal is the way we should heal. Opinions and views may vary between alters. In therapy.

[asexual-amanita]

OCD is never about liking being clean or organized. I’ve never met a person with OCD who actually likes to do their compulsions. We do them because we’re terrified of what will happen if we don’t. It’s not preference that makes us act, it’s this false sense of urgency and extreme panic.

[torstherapy]

[thehousetenants]

sometimes i simply wish ppl would realize that while alters are a defining trait of CDDs that we are extremely traumatized people and have symptoms outside of the alters. you know. the trance states, the somatic symptoms like joint pain and stomachaches and headaches. the high comorbidity of eating disorders, of personality disorders, of psychogenic non-epileptic seizures. alters are something to deal with, sure. theyre stressful. its messy, with persecutors. its not all bad, with alters, either. sometimes its warm and good. but i wish people realized the hardship of these disorders rather than glorifying and aestheticizing what so many of us are going through.

[moonjay-the-forest-spirit]

Something that maybe some people with out a CDD might not get about get about them is truly how covert switches can be. And I don't just mean the switches themselves but afterwards, people often expect the new fronting alter to be confused and maybe you'll hear a "where am I?" or a " Who are you?" If it's a part you haven't met. But that'd of course be very obvious and quite often dangerous and the disorder is about protection.

I've switched out in a house I as an alter haven't been to before and while my emotional side is very disorientated and a little anxious logically I know where I am and that we have been here before even if it doesn't feel it. And I just have to roll with it, mask act as though nothing has happened. The confusion and fear is there but I can't show it.

[healingpolyphony]

At what point of being in my host era am I allowed to just do shit that I know will help us and heal us and be for the better even if they cause temporary upset and for half of the system to be pissed off and not trust me anymore lol.

[alliezweihander]

"if you forgot then it obviously wasn't important to you" is an ableist thing to say and i'm tired of pretending it's not

[alliezweihander]

I've forgotten *my own birthday* before. There are several years of my life just straight up missing. In the past I've forgotten silly little frivolous things like NAMES OF LOVED ONES or WHERE MY HOUSE IS. But obviously none of that was important. Fucking awful, ableist thing to say.

[healingpolyphony]

We’ve had ✨fusions!✨and by we I mean me and my inner system siblings

They’re so subtle that we didn’t notice they’d happened until I realized I was acting “odd”, and was suddenly unlocking Lore™️ that I didn’t know about before - but instead of freaking out I’ve been able to just kind of 😬😬😬 at it and hold it. Not really processing actively I guess but also not shoving it away, just kind of “Yikes!”

Then I saw the Tea’s hair has changed, and she’s moderately able to hold a conversation now compared to before (she is/was known for being extremely “away with the fairies”) and Cam is notably less “frozen” in a constant trauma response and is able to engage with people without being too freaked out by it and overwhelmed with OCD stuff

Something good to bring to therapy next week 😁

- Indy

[caspercryptid]

I feel like not enough people realize that people under enormous strain act really really fucking Weird

[caspercryptid]

If someone is doing things that don't make Sense, try to understand that it is entirely possible that their brain is probably under an enormous weight and fracturing under the pressure. People who have been stabbed will sometimes talk a circle around the fact that they've been stabbed because stress and shock prevent you from recognizing the distress you are in and what you need to do to seek help for it. PTSD will do this also. You will find yourself repeatedly jamming a bag of frozen fruit into the same spot in the freezer where it doesn't fit and keeps falling, over and over and over, focused on nothing but that bag. You will decide that a beanbag chair is 10000% necessary to your life. You will lose your entire shit because you stubbed your toe on a table and that means the whole setup of your furniture is wrong. These are largely harmless examples. People under strain will also hurt themselves and others. Cornered animals bite. And it doesn't heal the bite to go "Hey, are you okay?" But it might get you to an animal that stops biting, so you can start to heal. And before you had an animal that bit, you probably had an animal that kept doing shit you didn't understand as stress signals

[caspercryptid]

Mental illness is Off-putting. Trauma and stress make people hard to be around. There are no perfect victims. If your framework for someone under pressure are people who cry photogenically at home in the bathroom or at night when everyone else is asleep and then wake up and act like they're fine then you will fail to recognize it when your coworker who's normally really nice suddenly blows up on someone for leaving forks in the company sink.

Everyone is going through shit. And it doesn't make it okay for them to treat others badly, but it also sometimes makes it difficult for them to recognize that they're treating you badly, like the person on the phone with 9-11 who no longer realizes that he's telling the operator about his day and not answering questions. When your friend of ten years who has a new boyfriend suddenly starts being a massive bitch to you about your weight maybe she's just being a cunt, or maybe she's internalized some bullshit. You don't have to take that, but you Can go "Hey, what the fuck?" And that is often more helpful than you realize. It is easy to assume that someone who does something cruel is acting with intent, but especially in cases where someone's behavior changed in a short span of time, they aren't, any more than the person who is convinced the beanbag chair is going to fix them.

You don't have to give people endless chances. But you should give them at least one chance. Because on your worst week, it's going to be you crying at your friend's birthday party because she ran out of chili before you got to have some, and you're going to want some grace for yourself.

[acertainmoshke]

All of this and also, sometimes you just cannot control your reaction even if it’s harmful or mean. Which also doesn’t make it acceptable to treat people poorly, but it does tie into the give people a second or third chance and communicate before deciding they’re just terrible now

[alteredpanel]

[leucisticollection]

Internal communication

[sysfreak-official]

friendly reminder that distancing yourself from your trauma by pretending it didn't happen or isn't real is the opposite of healing. in order to heal from trauma you have to get yourself to the point where you can acknowledge that it happened and move past it while developing healthy coping mechanisms and coping skills

it's going to take a lot of time and effort but it's the only way to heal. it won't be easy and that's kind of the point. living with trauma is never easy and you kind of have to accept that

[veryunwellindividual]

having ocd is so funny bc you’ll be like “oh my god what if i just imagined all my symptoms and i don’t actually have ocd and i’ve been lying to everyone this whole time” and it’s like, dawg. that is The Symptom.

[faesaint]

DID sucks because in the morning you think "maybe I'm actually normal and I should stop overanalyzing my experiences and just enjoy life" and in the evening you get possessed by the ghost of yourself from 2018

[scorpionlafemme]

[healingpolyphony]

For fucks SAKE

Had alters around over the last week that aren’t usually around, and because of that we fucking missed therapy. I’m mortified and upset, partly because we fucking needed the session. Things have been so rough and we’re losing a ton of time and I’m just so pissed off at myself

[healingpolyphony]

So much of our shit right now is revolving around our bio mother and it makes me want to throw up because we haven’t been able to properly process it at all

I’m so angry at us

[healingpolyphony]

I know I’m not being fair because at least one of the alters is a bab. And a really sad one at that but ffs. I hate it when we do shit like this. I feel like the worlds most irritating and inconsiderate person

I’ve messaged our therapist apologising profusely and he’s totally fine and says we’ll reschedule next week 😣 which is fine and more than I deserve tbh. Why can’t I be a fucking normal person with a functional memory

[healingpolyphony]

For fucks SAKE

Had alters around over the last week that aren’t usually around, and because of that we fucking missed therapy. I’m mortified and upset, partly because we fucking needed the session. Things have been so rough and we’re losing a ton of time and I’m just so pissed off at myself

[healingpolyphony]

So much of our shit right now is revolving around our bio mother and it makes me want to throw up because we haven’t been able to properly process it at all

I’m so angry at us

[healingpolyphony]

For fucks SAKE

Had alters around over the last week that aren’t usually around, and because of that we fucking missed therapy. I’m mortified and upset, partly because we fucking needed the session. Things have been so rough and we’re losing a ton of time and I’m just so pissed off at myself