and I must learn

a whole entire jew. they/them, adult, call me rose or lailah. my hebrew name is לילה שושנה (a sideblog, main is chthonicrose)

[vaspider]

[gogogadgetgolem]

[kosher-toasty]

this is just, canonically, Reish Lakish and R' Yochanan's relationship in the Talmud: - Reish Lakish was a roguishly handsome bandit who saw R' Yochanan bathing in a river and was so smitten that he abandoned his life of crime for Torah - R' Yochanan is described multiple times in the Talmud as being genuinely one of the most beautiful humans to walk the earth - Reish Lakish married R' Yochanan's sister (who looked exactly like him, apparently) because he couldn't get married to R' Yochanan

[phoukanamedpookie]

As we get closer to Pesach, here come the tangled feelings I have about American Jews treating the topic of slavery like a metaphor at the seder while I, who wouldn't be in this country speaking this language without my ancestors' enslavement, have to sit there and listen to it and pretend I'm fine.

[phoukanamedpookie]

Is it really hard to believe that an American Jew whose very presence at a seder in the United States is explicitly due to the enslavement of their not-so-distant ancestors might feel some kind of way about non-Black American Jews talk about slavery and freedom at the seder, if they talk about it at all?

Is it really so alien that a Jew descended from people who were each legally deemed 3/5 of a human being might have less than straightforward feelings about well-meaning liberal American Jews making the seder about metaphorical narrow places and not say a peep about America's legacy of literally buying and selling people like livestock?

Is it so incomprehensible that a person's context drastically changes the meaning of specific events and experiences?

[captainlordauditor]

One of those retellings of Batman as a fairy tale things but instead of a fairy tale it’s Talmud

[captainlordauditor]

Baruch Atalef of Gat went into the city and saw a traveler die. He took the traveler's son as a student. Kal-el said to him, "why do you not bless him [as a father blesses his son]?" Baruch said: I shall not bless him, for it is written, "you shall revere your mother and father".

At night, Baruch Atalef of Gat would go by the houses of the poor and the elders [who had no children] and leave coins at their door. His student Dror ben Yohanon asked him, "why do you not give in the daylight?" Baruch Atalef replied, "does a mitzvah exist to be seen?"

[captainlordauditor]

Another rabbi tells, Baruch Atalef of Gat went into the city and saw a traveler die. He took the traveler's son as a student. Kal-el said to him, "why do you not bless him [as a father blesses his son]?" Baruch said: I shall not bless him, for it is written, "you were strangers in the land of Egypt".

When Baruch Atalef's second student was slain in battle, he sought vengeance. But Kal-el said: is this the justice for a departed soul? And Baruch stayed his anger. Later, Baruch had a vision of his student returning. His student said, “why do you not avenge me? I have died, yet my killer still lives.” Baruch said: does the Torah not teach us “the bloods of your brother cry out”?

[storiesintheashes]

At night, Gerashom bat Tel of Gat went forth to do mitzvot under cover of darkness. Baruch Atalef told her to return to the house of Tel, saying, “is it not said that a woman who studies Torah receives a heavenly reward but not as much as the reward of a man, because she is not commanded to study the law.” Gerashom bat Tel rebuked him, saying “is it not written that the Lord is good to all, and His mercies are over all His works?”  

[captainlordauditor]

@gifsfromthecrows thank you for the greatest compliment i have received in my life

[kelpforestdwellers]

I think my favorite part of Purim is this Talmud story.

Megillah 7b:7-8

"Rava said: A person is obligated to become intoxicated with wine on Purim until one does not know how to distinguish between cursed is Haman and blessed is Mordecai. The Gemara relates that Rava and Rabbi Zeira prepared a Purim feast with each other, and they became intoxicated to the point that Rava arose and slaughtered Rabbi Zeira. The next day, when he became sober and realized what he had done, Rava asked God for mercy, and revived him. The next year, Rava said to Rabbi Zeira: Let the Master come and let us prepare the Purim feast with each other. He said to him: Miracles do not happen each and every hour, and I do not want to undergo that experience again."

"Hey man you wanna celebrate Purim again with me this year?"

"I think I'm good. On account of you murdered me last time."

[captainlordauditor]

Saw a Threads post like "Jews what's your most heretical take" and everyone was giving really boring baseline Reform stuff like "patrilineal Jews are Jews" or "you don't need to keep kosher"

Had to come here to ask jumblr for the unhinged takes. Mine is that men shouldn't be rabbis because it makes a shul too much like the Beis HaMikdash

[magnetothemagnificent]

Not mine and not *exactly* heretical but: Potatoes are kitniyot.

[pusheenthenerdcat]

Ohoho this is a good thread idea.

Mine's that the reality of a marshmallow is SO FAR away from the origin of the gelatin that it really feels like it should be kosher anyway. like, elasticy sugar foam is very divorced from the concept of a pig and vibes wise has nothing to do with any reasoning conceivable during the time those laws were being written.

[magnetothemagnificent]

See an *actual* Kashrut hot take I have isn't heretical and is in opposite energy to yours and it's that lab-grown meat is Ever Min HaChai, meat from a living animal, and shouldn't be considered kosher.

[tzipporahs-well]

My Judaism hot take is the following: Jewish texts are supposed to make you uncomfortable. That’s why we’re Yisrael, one who wrestles with Hashem. If we’re not wrestling, who are we?

[nonbinaryjudean]

dark/gothic judaica: an aesthetic that could be an artistic goldmine

Torah Ark Curtain from 20th century North Africa // Scene from a production of The Dybbuk by Vilner Trupe, 1910s // art by E.M. Lilien just in general // veil & style by Mirjam on wrapunzel // Jewish Henna by Bella Ríos // 1910s Jewish dress from Galicia // "Hebrew Dark Academia" pin posted by jewish_opinion on pinterest // Marissa Nadler - a gothic folk musician who is Jewish // Rosh Hashana card from CJH Museum Collections // Art from Hershel and the Hanukkah Goblins by Eric Kimmel, Illustrated by Trina Schart Hyman. Scholastic, 1990 (this book was an essential part of my childhood) // "Schemajah Hillel," page 18 from the book "Der Golem", illustrations by Hugo Steiner-Prag // The Praying Jew (Rabbi of Vitebsk) by Marc Chagall, 1914 // Yemenite-Israeli dancer Rachel Nadav lighting the Shabbos candles // Tefillin Bag, c.1930, Eretz Yisrael. belonging to a Shmuel Yankovitz // Lili Liliana in "Der Dybbuk", 1937 // The Tzadik’s Son, 1912, by Lazar Krestin // Marrakesh Mezuzah // Pomegranate photo from unsplash

[hillsofspices]

i’m largely numb to this now but every once in a while it hits me how depressing it is to read about historic jewish communities. “they were once a majority of the town but we don’t really know much about them other than their abandoned tombstones that are slowly being stolen”

[solarpunk-nightbird]

Just started saving craft and art and direct action and activism tutorials I want to be able to find again to The Wayback Machine* so that I know I'll always be able to find them again if they get moved or deleted

*The Internet Archive has a browser extension that lets you automatically archive a page with literally two clicks

And immediately. 10/10. 14/10. Would absolutely recommend

It also lets you see any archived versions of a page with just a few clicks, so it's great for getting around paywalls, as well as for keeping data and news stories from being deleted or moved

You can get the extension (or app for phones?) here:

Chrome Extension

Firefox Add-on

Safari Extension

MS Edge Add-on

iOS app

Android app

[solarpunk-nightbird]

Got stuck trying to find an article explaining how awesome this extension is but I did find out this is actually even more important activism and archival work than I had realized:

The Wayback Machine Chrome browser extension helps make the web more reliable by detecting dead web pages and offering to replay archived versions of them.  You can get it here. For the past 20 years, the Internet Archive has recorded and preserved web pages, and hundreds of billions of them are available via the Wayback Machine.  This is good because we are learning the web is fragile and ephemeral.  For example a 2013 Harvard study found that 49% of the URLs referenced in U.S. Supreme Court decisions are now dead.  Those decisions affect everyone in the U.S., and the evidence the opinions are based on is disappearing.

-via The Internet Archive, January 13, 2017

And that was before the US government started deleting unbelievably important and massive resources, databases, and datasets!!

Next time you see a page and mentally go "ooh people need to see this," I recommend you hit a button and help a future you and millions of other people out!!!

(Extension here: Wayback Machine Availability API, Chrome, Firefox, Safari, Edge, iOS, Android)

[solarpunk-nightbird]

And all that aside, the potential for recipes

Imagine: Never having to go back and find a recipe you wanted or loved was deleted ever again. Because you go to the link/website/page and it's already there, saved for you, with the touch of a button

[siratonin]

"I CANT HANDLE THIS" *handles this*

[siratonin]

"I CANT TAKE ANOTHER DAY" *takes another day*

[nondelphic]

“you should write every day” bestie i’m trying to live every day. write?? i barely eat enough fruit.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I'm constantly seeing stories of people devastated that ai deleted their code or borked their computer or permanently deleted all their important work records or whatever, and while I'm sure many stories are fake I know at least some of them are real, and I don't get it. I don't understand why the ai is capable of doing this. Even if you do think "vibe coding" or whatever is a useful practice, you... you check the code and push it yourself, right? The ai can't push code? The ai shouldn't be able to touch your backups? WHY IS THE AI PHYSICALLY CAPABLE OF PUSHING CODE? WHY IS IT ABLE TO DELETE YOUR FILES AND DELETE YOUR BACKUP FILES? People tell it "do not change this without approval" and then get confused and upset when it does but WHY WAS IT PHYSICALLY ABLE TO? Am I misunderstanding something here? Shouldn't this be basic? Is there some complicated computer reason I don't understand where ais have to be physically able to fuck around with your important shit and your important shit's backups if you use them? Because that doesn't sound right. At least back up your records to an external device nightly or something if there's some architectural reason I don't understand that means ais have to be able to delete them all.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I'm of the opinion that even if you have to use AI it shouldn't have access to anything that you wouldn't be comfortable giving your thirteen year old nephew access to. Why is "AI irretrievably deleted all my emails" a possibility.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#I'm just reminded of your story where an ai gassed a spaceship crew#and later a character said “wait no matter how rogue this ai is...why was that physically possible for it to do?”

And they were right! Don't give your ship AI access to random containers of carbon monoxide and attach them to the ventilation system! I mean uh... your work AI shouldn't be allowed to manage your emails.

[compiler-specific]

No, we don't need to get "regular porn" back on this website. I mean, sure it should be permitted, but esoteric bizarrely sensual videos of industrial processes & oozing goops which challenge the very notion of "pornography" are actually far superior to the derivative drivel from profit-oriented studios like Brazzers and Bang Bros

no need for tags this'll find its audience

[hound-slut]

Unironically I've come to love tumblrs surreal exploration of the erotic and explicit in the face of a draconian ban on adult content.

The Machine That Will Eat Your Hand crushing fifteen cans of paint captures more of a primal sexual feeling than I could ever get from standard porn

[ketubahring]

Imagine living so long that you become the only person left who actually remembers the truth.

Serach bat Asher is one of the coolest women and the ultimate old soul of Jewish history. She is the only person who appears in the Torah during the time of Jacob, and the time of Moses centuries later.

Legend says she was blessed with immortality after she played her harp for her grandfather Jacob to tell him gently that his son Joseph was still alive. Because of that song, she became the keeper of every secret the Jewish people have ever had.

She spent the next several centuries carrying the keys to every Jewish secret. She was the only one who knew the secret password to prove Moses was actually a prophet, and the only one who could find Joseph’s coffin hidden at the bottom of the Nile. Without her, we couldn’t have left Egypt.

When Moses showed up to free the Israelites, the elders didn’t believe him. They went to Serach (who was already hundreds of years old) and asked if he was a fraud. Serach asked, “What secret code did he use?” They said he used the phrase “Pakod Pakadeti” (I have surely remembered you). Serach said, “He is the one. That is the secret password my father Asher told me on his deathbed.”

I illustrated her with a massive set of keys from every era she witnessed, from ancient Egypt to the study halls of the Talmud, acting as the bridge between all our stories.

My favorite legend is when she heard the Sages debating what the walls of the Red Sea actually looked like when they split. They were coming up with all these complicated theories about dark stone or brick, and Serach stuck her head into the study hall and corrected them: “I was there. It didn’t look like that. It looked like windows of clear glass.”

I love that energy, the woman who doesn’t need to theorize because she simply remembers.

Shabbat Shalom 🤍

Copyright © 2026 Ketubah Ring. No reproduction, printing, resale, or use without permission.

[jewish-joy]

I recently got an on-campus job. During the interview process, I requested that I not be scheduled on Friday nights or Saturdays as I am a Jewish student.

My boss immeadiately brightened and rushed to explain - "Of course ! Of course! We want to accomodate you! We have another worker who takes off for Ramadan. Do you need to take off for Ramadan?"

I shook my head, incredibly confused. "Uh. That's. Not my jurisdiction. I'm good." Boss nodded but was sure to add "Let me know if that ever changes. We can help you with Ramadan."

[maimonideznuts]

[jewish-joy]

@vangoggles THAT WHAT I WAS SAYING .

And I was finally on a shift with this guy. We were both sitting in silence because we had the ass-crack-of-dawn slot.

Over my coffee and twirling my Magen David necklace around my finger, I say "So. Ahmed. Ramadan.

And Ahmed over his energy drink, sighs - "don't you say shit about that."

[jewish-joy]

#what's the bet Ahmed was just asking for certain shifts during Ramadan and Boss got excited and was like “just take the whole ramadan off!”#“don't even worry about it! we support you! take the time you need!” I'm scheduled to work with him tomorrow morning so will find out then 🫡 .We're both STEM majors who use the early empty hours to study so I will report if I get more than a grunt out of him about it.

[jewish-joy]

another stupid-early morning, and between our respective course loads- him organic chemistry and me pathophysiology- I asked for the full story in how he got all of Ramadan off.

He sighed, and let me know that he did indeed try to explain to our manager that all he needed was to get shifts not around sunrise or sunset. But that in him explaining what Ramadan was, the plot very quickly got lost into this unhinged confusion where our boss was trying to google how people could survive an entire month without food or water.

So halfway through, he decided to pivot and go along with it, expecting less shifts in March because that's a difficult academic time anyway. Then, he had to keep a straight face when the end-product was the entire time off with paid leave.

So, now, he's in a hell partially of his own making where his boss genuinely believes he doesn't eat for a month and is trying to offer all non-Christian workers March off. I offered him time off for Hanukkah. He hit his head against the desk, and groaned.

[kittydesade]

[shah4139-offical]

This post is a whirlwind and it's from this year. Didn't know Tumblr could still be this iconic

[jewish-joy]

With this post making the rounds again, I really do want to emphasize one thing-

I got hired at my job February 1st, which was when this interview was. They were short staffed and needed me to fill in. Ramadan started February 28th.

So, my lovely boss really did offer to hire me just to then give me paid leave for an entire month barely three weeks after I started.

He's wonderful to work with, but I'm hesitating to explain the high holiday season to him because I just don't know where that conversation will go.

[jewish-microwave-laser]

ramadan is only in a couple weeks which means it's time to bring this post back

[magnetothemagnificent]

בכור- Firstborn Son

יש המון זכיות ואחריות בחיים של בכור:

בשמונה ימים בחייו הוא נמול ונכנס לברית

אברהם וכל אבותיו.

בשלושים יום אביו פודה אותו–

נמכר לחמשה שקלים

כי חייו נקדש לה.'

בשלוש לשנתיו שעריו נסתפר לפעם הראשונה

כי לפני שלושה שנה נתקדש שעריו,

בשלוש לשנתיו נסתפר שעריו ורק הפאות

שמכתירות עיניו ושכליו

נשארות-

כי גם הן מקודשות.

בשלושה עשר שנה הוא נהיה בחור

(לפחות בעיני הקדוש ברוך הוא)

אביו נפטר מאחריות לשגיגותיו ועברותיו.

כי ה' פסח על בכורי העבריים

בערב לפני הפדיון הגדול– הגאולה

הבכורים צמים בערב פסח

לזכר מכת בכורות.

בראשית, היו הבכורים אמורים לעבוד במקדש

אבל הבכורים חטאו, ועכשיו לכהנים נותן הזכות

לפחות עד שהמשיח– הפדיון הגדול– הגאולה בא.

נראה זר שקורא לנו ה' "בני בכרי"

(לפחות זה נכתב בתפילין שכל יום נקשרים),

כי נראה הבנים הצעירים יותר חביבים.

בכור אברהם נתגרש עם אמו לבנות עם רם עד היום הזה.

בכור יצחק, האיש שדה, בנה את העם הכובש האחר.

הוא מכר את בכורו לנזיד עדשים,

לאחיו הצעיר שאחז בעקבו

כמו קללת הנחש באדן

ארור לאיבה לעולם עם האשה.

בכור יעקב הוא אחד מהשבטים

שנתאבדו ונתפרזו בגלות הראשון.

אבל הוא נאבד גם לפני הפורענות,

נתבייש מאוהלים ודודאים ובור במדבר.

אף לא המלכות או הכהונה יצאו מהבכור.

משה רבינו ומורינו היה הצעיר במשפחתו,

תינוק נשמר באחיו הכהן ואחותו הנביאה.

דוד המלך היה השביעי באחיו,

בנו שלמה– שבנה את בית הבחירה–

היה לא בכור אביו או בכור אמו.

אין אחד מרועי שבעה שהיה בכור.

אני הבכור של אבי ואמי

אבל הם לא פדאו אותי.

אומרים לי שאני פטור במצוה זה

כי לא חשבו אתי לבן כשנולדתי

(איש בכור מחויב לפדות את עצמו).

אנו מצווים להיות קדושים, כי קדוש ה' אלהינו

כשאישה נשואה, היא מקודשת לבעלה.

אם אין אני נפדה, האם אני עדיין מוקדש

או אם אני רק משועבד?

לפעמים אני מרגיש כאילו נגזל בכורתי

כמו שאחזתי בעקבו כשהוא יצא מהרחם לפני

והוא חי חיים שלעולם לא יהיה לי.

אין לי פי שנים

(גם הבכור הבן-השנואה יכיר לתת לו פי שנים, כי הוא ראשית אונו),

אין צום.

אם משיח הוא הפדיון הגדול

ועוד לא נפדתי,

אקבל את בכורתי שם

או אם אני מחויב לפדות את עצמי?

אין לי חמישה שקלים

ואני לא יודע כהן שיקבל אותם.

אין לי מילה, אבל בשרי כבר נכרת,

כמובן נימולתי את ליבי.

אם בכורה יכול להימכר באדום האדום

הלא יכול להימכר בדם?

There are many privileges and responsibilities in the lifetime of a firstborn son:

At eight days old he is circumcised and entered into the Covenant

Of Avraham and all his fathers.

At thirty days old he is redeemed by his father,

Bought back for five silver coins,

For his life was consecrated to G-d

At three years old his hair is cut for the first time,

Before three years his hair was consecrated.

At three years old his hair is cut but the hair at his temples

The frames his eyes and his mind

Is left untouched,

For it, too, is consecrated.

At thirteen years old he becomes a man

(At least in the eyes of G-d).

His father is absolved from responsibility for his unwitting sins.

Because G-d spared the Jewish firstborn sons

On the eve of the great redemption,

Firstborn sons fast before Pesach

In the memory of the plague of firstborns.

Originally, it was the firstborn sons who were meant to serve in the Temple,

But the firstborn sons sinned, and now the Kohanim carry that privilege,

At least until Mashiach- the Great Redemption comes.

It seems strange, that we are called G-d’s firstborn

(At least that's what is inscribed in the Tefillin that each day are donned),

When it seems the other sons were more beloved.

Avraham's firstborn was sent away with his mother to form a nation still mighty today.

Yitzchak’s firstborn, the wild man, formed the other great conquering nation.

He sold his birthright for lentil soup

To the younger brother who grasped at his heel

Like the curse of the snake in Eden

Locked in eternal enmity with womankind.

Yaakov’s firstborn is one of the Tribes

Who were lost and scattered in the first exile.

But he was lost even before the calamity

Disgraced by tents and flowers and a desert pit.

Neither the kingship nor the priesthood came from the firstborn.

Moshe, our teacher, our great leader, was the youngest in his family,

A child watched over by a prophetic sister and priestly brother.

King David was the seventh of his brothers,

His son, Shlomo, who built the House of Choice

Was first neither of his mother nor his father.

Not one of our seven shepherds were firstborns.

I am the firstborn of my father and my mother,

But I was not redeemed.

I am told that I am not obligated in this

Because I was not seen as a son at my birth

(An adult firstborn son who has not yet been redeemed is obligated to redeem himself).

We are commanded to be consecrated, for G-d is consecrated.

When a woman marries, she is consecrated to her husband.

If I have not yet been redeemed, am I still consecrated

Or am I just in bondage?

Sometimes I feel as though my birthright was stolen from me

Like I grasped it by its heels as it slipped from the womb before me

And it is living a life I can never have.

No double portion for me

(Even the detested firstborn must be recognized and given a double portion, for he is the first of his vigor),

No fast.

If Mashiach is the ultimate redemption

And I have not yet been redeemed,

Will I get my birthright then,

Or am I obligated to redeem myself?

I do not have five silver coins

And I do not know which priest would accept them.

I have not been circumcised, but my flesh has been cut.

I have certainly circumcised my heart.

If birthright can be bought with red, red, soup

Could it not be bought with blood?

[z-makes-art]

ashkenazi x sephardi sapphics <33

watercolor, colored pencil, ink, marker, gel pen

(hebrew text says the words for love in ladino, hebrew, and yiddish! - amor, ahava, libe)

[hachama]

An idea for a trans positive bracha for transition:

ברוך אתה האשם שגרם לי להשתתף בבריאה

Blessed are you, Hashem, who made me to participate in creation

[kittyoverlord]

Some more trans brachot can be found here:

Hasn't been updated in a while but the resources there are still good. :)