Procrastinating hard on my requests that I'm just doodling whatever now save me. Anyway did you guys know I'm horrible at making formats or was the speech bubble enough /silly
Something I wish was mentioned more was the fact that Rook had difficulty expressing emotions in his childhood UNTIL he cried after watching Neige’s performance. Even in his Ch. 7 dream, Savanaclaw! Rook speaks very quickly, almost monotone compared to the Rook we know, and drops a lot of flowery language/expressions. Maybe I’m self-projecting but I really like the idea of Rook filtering what expressions he’s willing to show us, and some parts of it being learned instead of just “natural”. Kinda like how you can condition certain habits/facial expressions after enough time until it turns unconscious. I doubt Rook isn’t a deep character when he literally dislikes people digging into his private life… Like what do you have to hide? I still headcanon that to some extent, Rook amps up his eccentricities so his blabber can act as a red-herring OR his weirdness will ward people off from getting too close. He’s allowed to know you, but you can’t know him.
TW: Self harm, self esteem issues. Not too bad, but still there.
Ft. Sebek and some issues
Sebek was a lot of things.
Sebek was loud,
Sebek was loyal,
Sebek was trusting,
Sebek was naive,
Sebek was strong,
Sebek was stupid.
Clingy.
Cold.
Lonely.
Hungry
Sebek liked to hurt himself.
He liked the stinging sensation and the pain he hid whenever Silver tugged him by the wrists, whenever Lilia-sama dragged him along to commit... Friendly acts.
Sebek wasn't stupid.
The green head knew that blood smelled, that any beastman and Fae would realise something was up the moment he walked into a room. Sebek himself could. The first time he did it was a mistake- too much anger and too much disappointment- from himself, to himself.
The first time Sebek had to deal with deep slashes and the stench of iron following him around everywhere Lilia-sama and Waka-sama had side eyed him so hard he almost caved in and confessed. Almost.
But Sebek didn't want this game to end yet.
(He hadn't seen the way Lilia cornered his roommates and asked for detailed explanations, but they knew nothing. He hadn't seen the way Malleus went to professor Crewel to ask if anything irregular was happening, not the way Silver kept on trying to make him open up in conversation. They were scared for him.)
. . .
Sebek knew he didn't belong, that he wasn't anything but an annoying, clingy neighbour's kid that stuck his nose far too deep in a make-shift family's business.
Sebek knew he didn't belong anywhere.
He was half fae, half human. Half of one world and half of another. Half an ally nobody wanted and half a foe that scared everyone.
(What Sebek didn't see was the way the first years broke their heads trying to find what's up with him. Why every time they slept over together he wore long sleeves even if he dislikes them in comfortable clothing. What he didn't see was the way Leona approached Malleus to tell him something smelt wrong about his little crocodile.)
. . .
Sebek knew his flaws, he heard the quiet sighs his liege has been giving lately. He awaited for the responses that Silver took longer to give. He refused to look Lilia's way due to the long-lasting stares he bat had been giving him.
Sebek had already disappointed them. He had already-
Sebek loved to see the scissors slapping against his skin. Slashing was too dangerous, he'd be found out. Plus, what kind of guard is he if he is bleeding too much to care for his liege?
Sebek loves the way his skin gets red, the way shallow and deep cuts decorated his arm like stripes on a zebra. The way his pale rose skin- now turned red and irritated- stinging every time anyone touched it. The way a pair of dull (,clean of course, be wasn't stupid,) scissors felt when pressed and hit against his skin.
(Malleus is sighing, frustrated he can't find out why one of his brothers has been behaving like that recently, frustrated he can't help despite his power. Silver gives his answers slower, trying to find a way to finally confront his brother in all but blood about his suspicions. Lilia stares, wanting to do something but not wanting to push his little crocodile further away and to pain)
. . .
Sebek has always been careful with sharp objects, nobody would know a thing.
Sebek always returned everything he took, so nobody would suspect a missing knife came from him.
Sebek always wore long-sleeves and gloves, so when even the sun was out and he refused to get rid of them few narrowed their eyes.
. . .
Sebek hated the cold.
He suspected his crocodile-fae genes were at fault, after all, his mother, grandfather and siblings have the same problem.
Sebek loved being a member a Diasomnia. But, Sebek didn't particularly enjoy being in the dorm itself. It was cold. The castles' stone walls barely kept in the heat and other than a few places and few heating devices students brought there weren't any. He hated the way no blanket of heating mistress could help with that cold.
. . -
But Ramshackle dorm wasn't cold.
Ramshackle dorm was warm,
Comforting.
The first years were there.
The cuddle pile they dumped themselves in was warm and cozy.
The way each held him like he held them- codependent and alone made his heart ache.
Laughing with Ortho,
Loving each of them, being part of something, being part of them.
It made him feel warm all over again
It made the scissors fall from his hands, like he fell is Ace's arms himself.
Like Yuu's arms hugged him and kept every thought from his head dissapeare
Like Jack's arms kept him secure
Like Deuce's arms held him warm
Like Epel's arms kept his steady
How their arms made him feel safe, loved and wanted.
(What Sebek didn't feel was the way Lilia tucked him in blankets when he fell asleep from exhaustion without realising it or when he covered for the crocodile whenever he needed extra sleep and missed a lesson. What Sebek didn't feel was the way Malleus grabbed his hand and whispered how he loved and appreciated him, how he was one of his more trusted, appreciated and beloved people. His brother. How Silver ,for once, didn't fall asleep waiting for him. How the silver head stayed awake nights for him, how he looked over with auroran eyes that steadily filled with tears, feeling as if he'd crack.)
there will never be anything as funny as the mutual disbelief between long form and short form fic writers about each other's style.
short form writers look at people writing 100k+ fics as though this is some sort of talent given as part of a fae bargain, that the commitment required shows some sort of ungodly mental fortitude.
meanwhile long form writers look at people writing 1000 word one shots like god I would cut off my left nipple to be able to say anything concisely. i would love to play with multiple ideas. free me from the shackles of this child I have birthed. i love them but I now must take them to t-ball and doctor's appointments and they're going to destroy everything I own.
My prediction for episode 7. He'll be fine guys no worries.
Double Edit:
After some back and forth and looking around some more, turns out this probably counts as fair use after all and I don't have to worry about the CC license coming for my ass. So, with that in mind, once more:
leeroy hating themself because they were only perceived as male while irl, and to them masculinity is inherently abusive because the only parental figures they had were an abusive father and a mother who wanted them to be just like their dad.
and then they get a chance to start over as jax, still hating themself and then being seen, beheld, loved, and even accepted as a woman in warmth and love unconditionally by ribbit and they got scared. the moment jax was at their most vulnerable they had a bow in their hair
jax pushing everyone away because they hated their own femininity, scared because ribbit saw who jax was, a beautiful woman, and loved her. jax was loved and jax didn't know that and jax pushed it away because they were used to the cold
jax's own internalized misogyny, the aspect of them most like their father wearing a maid dress, showing that jax, deep down, still wants to be a woman. they still want to be the person they were when ribbit saw them for who they are.
the fact that they still wanted jax... the fact that ragatha loved the jax that could trust ribbit. the fact that zooble likely saw jax as a woman, too. the fact that pomni didn't know jax's troubles but still saw them as worth loving.
the fact that ribbit still loved jax. ribbit knew jax wasn't like this. ribbit saw the real jax, the scared girl who wasn't allowed to be a girl, and still loved her.
the fact that leeroy hangs out at riley's bar, showing she still has a chance. she is loved by the people around her. she has avenues for her transition.
yousharknotpass
romaincrisis
blakekathryn
baratheonpilled
snowghoul
vaporwave
gummygunk
