"Why are you so afraid of losing me?" —you ask.
Why do you think I hate cycles so much? The simple fact that it is a vicious act can be enough, but it goes deeper than that. I fear addiction. I fear losing myself in something, or worse, someone. I fear needing you to, not even live, just survive. I fear there will come a day you will not be there and I will have a withdrawal syndrome worse than any person has ever experienced, because the day I lose you, I lose myself. I fear being a walking corpse, someone living in the past, in the warm memories of a better time. I fear the feeling of wanting one last kiss, one last hug, one last word when I am not able to get one. I always say I will die first, maybe it's a prediction or just wishful thinking, but it surely is a selfish thing. I fear myself and the things I am willing to do, the decisions I'm willing to make, the lengths I'm willing to go to numb the pain. I am afraid of losing my heart, because sweetheart, you are a walking anomaly, you have two strong hearts beating loud and clear in that chest of yours. I have given you my innermost thoughts, feelings and the most intimate things deep within my soul, and I don't regret it one bit. So, why am I so afraid of losing you, you ask? We are one, and they day you leave I die.
Written by Amelia Verne