when i was a kid i was so mad all the time bc i thought someday i'd have to be somebody's wife i didn't know it was optional. is everybody reminding the young girls in their lives that it's optional.
is wanting to be a wife and mother a requirement for being a woman?
why might OP be annoyed with replies assuming that this post is about being aroace or transmasc if a woman doesn’t want to be a wife or mother?
are there reasons unrelated to sexuality and romantic interest that might make a woman not want to be a wife or mother?
are there reasons unrelated to gender identity and expression that might make a woman not want to be a wife and mother?
core concept: what is gender essentialism?
is it gender essentialism to imply that all women inherently want to be wives and mothers? could this be what OP is critiquing?
look at the notes OP responds to. is it gender essentialism to imply that being a wife and mother is so affixed to womanhood that to not want to be those things means you’re incapable of sexual/romantic feelings, or not a woman?
what trait are you perpetuating when you assume that women who do not want to be wives and mothers must be aroace or trans? is it gender essentialism?
Grace and Rocky, giving a tour of the Hail Mary to fascinated Eridian scientists and diplomats.
Pointing at things and explaining what they are and how the ship works, lots of awed and appreciative noises are made.
Until one of the visiting Eridians points out a specific item. “And that?”
It’s a strange, circular thing, a xenonite disk mounted upright on some sort of pivot so it can spin freely, but around the edges it has… spokes? Pegs? Sticking out of it, that hit against a stiff flap that would slow down the spinning.
It is also separated into sections decorated with crude etchings of a human and an Eridian.
“Ah,” Grace says.
“That,” Rocky says.
“That’s. Um.” Grace seems somewhat embarrassed. “That’s the sacrifice wheel.”
The Eridian visitors clearly do not know what to make of that. “We think we misunderstood Savior Grace’s word,” they say, apparently hoping this is a vocabulary mix-up. “Explain (question, polite)?”
“Didn’t misunderstand,” says Rocky, sounding very sheepish. “That is sacrifice wheel.”
“So. While we were on our way to Erid, we might have gotten… anxious about each other’s well-being,” Grace says, which everyone is already very aware is a wild understatement. “And, well, you heard what happened at Tau Ceti, and after. There were a lot of unexpected dangers for the whole trip that required a lot of, at least, attempted self-sacrifice to solve. We ended up almost dying for each other several times. And we had an argument about what we’d do if another crisis like that came up. And we couldn't agree.”
“Grace argued that Grace already was unlikely to survive long-term on Erid, so he should be the one to do any potential deadly but necessary maneuvers to make sure I was able to bring taumoeba back,” Rocky says.
“Which made sense.”
“Did not make sense! Grace already sacrificed so much for me and for Erid, wouldn’t be fair to make you do it again—“ Rocky cuts himself off with a huff. They have obviously had this conversation before. “So sacrifice wheel was compromise.”
“Yeah,” Grace says. He spins it to demonstrate; it whirls around in a blur and a rattle of the flap hitting the pegs, then eventually slows down, and stops—pointing at the segment depicting a very bad but very clear image of an Eridian. “Rocky made the wheel, I spin the wheel, and whoever it lands on, that’s who gets to sacrifice themself to save the other and the other person does not get to argue. This way, we wouldn’t waste time debating who does the self-sacrifice and who survives, it’s just a plain fifty-fifty chance. Or, eighteen-eighteen chance in base six. But the point is it could be either of us and we would have to accept the outcome.”
Rocky started fidgeting while Grace was explaining. When Grace finishes, proud of the equitable solution they came up with to allow them to die for each other fairly, Rocky says, “Now that we are back and we don’t need sacrifice wheel anymore… I have confession to make. About the wheel.”
“What about the wheel?”
Rocky doesn’t answer. Grace frowns, first confused, then suspicious, and spins the wheel again.
It lands on Rocky again.
He spins the wheel again, and again, and again, and it lands on Rocky every single time.
“Rocky!”
“I weighted the wheel,” Rocky admits.
“Rocky the whole point was that it was equal, that was why we even made it—“
“Never was necessary so doesn’t matter anymore!”
“But you WOULD have!”
“And you never noticed because you were hungry and cranky and distracted and so would have done bad job on heroic self-sacrifice anyway!”
“I would not! I would have done fine!”
(The Eridian scientists and diplomats are still here watching this btw. Slowly dawning on them that 1) these two are extremely not normal about each other 2) if Erid ever does another space mission they NEED to send a therapist aboard because this is what happens when they don’t)
not even two years after the 2024 racist riots and attempted pogroms, we are back to more racist riots and attempted pogroms.
a mosque in scotland had to be put into lockdown. they are going door-to-door with hit lists and addresses in northern ireland, setting houses alight. they firebombed an imam's house in manchester. people of colour are being targeted and attacked by racist mobs in the street in broad daylight.
and instead of widespread condemnation or wall-to-wall coverage, the UK media and political establishment is filling air time talking about the "legitimate concerns" people have about "illegal migrants"
I literally don't even understand tne logic behind eva stratt haters. at all. unless you are so unhealthily attached to fictional character ryland grace that you can never see her in a positive light it's just pure misogyny.
she had approx five years to figure out a plan to save the entire earth, collect the best minds on the planet, get astrophage bred, the phm built, the sahara paved. dubois and shapiro died nine days before launch. if eva hesitated even just a little, and they missed the launch window, earth would have died. was murdering grace wrong? yes. the alternative was eva being responsible for the death of 8.3 BILLION people. and that's only if you're a speciesist and don't count the trillions of different animals plants fungi all over earth. eva stratt they could never make me hate you
I really love the line "you have no immediate family. You don't even have a dog" because it is so devastating when paired with aroace Grace (my personal interpretation of his character lmao). But also. I do think Stratt was prepared to say Whatever it took for Grace to agree. Like if he had a partner and five children and ran an animal sanctuary on the side, she would've said something like "If you do not do this, you will be condemning your entire family to die" or some shit. That's just the Eva Stratt swag for ya. She was gonna get that man into space or so help her.
Reading posts about Ryland and his Eridian classes and had this thought:
Ryland's first class is about to graduate from "primary" education, and they're all headed to specialization. Some will come back to study with him at a graduate level, essentially, but most need their secondary education with their peers as a focus.
It's also common that they all started acquiring "human" nicknames as they were in his class. Almost immediately on Day 1, they scrambled home to tell parents about Teacher Grace and the cool things he showed off. What they have been nicknamed and what the meanings are.
They're his first class, and he wants to sends them off well.
After trying to figure out what to do, he gets an idea from Eridian culture combined with some Earth classics. He recruits Rocky and gets to work.
On the last day of class, the students show up to find thread and little bowls of beads all about. Eridian letters carved into the surface of some, English letters in others. Stars, moons, mathematical symbols, and more.
Ryland explains the concept of friendship bracelets. He knows Eridians have special jewelry often as part of their culture (courtship, marriage, birth, major life events) and wanted to give them a human version of it. He made sure that each get a packet with their human names as beads, but he leaves the rest to them.
The class adores it, and they make Teacher Grace make one with them. They pick out the Eridian letters for his name and he adds a "year 1" to the necklace. Everyone leaves the class with the coveted gifts.
It becomes tradition. Every class that graduates makes a Charm Necklace with, at minimum, their Human Nicknames on the strands. Ryland makes a new one each year, with later years bringing chips from molted carapaces as beads for Ryland to add.
(When Ryland passes, all of his students come to his memorial wearing their necklaces, tracing out worn and new beads with reverence and love.)
(It continues to be tradition, old students stepping in where Ryland left off. Students who never knew Ryland still find Nicknames along the way, and they make their necklaces as their predecessors had.)
(And, years on, when humans and Eridians bridge the gap of space, humans are a little surprised to see the envoy wearing a necklace with a human word on it. The Eridians have a more advanced version of the translator, thanks to continued work, but, they explain, it was a tradition. Those of Ryland's class and beyond created these necklaces, and they wear them now in honor of him as they meet more of his species.)
(And then, at the end of the talks, once humans and Eridians make their bond official, the Eridians offer necklace and bead supplies and packs of Eridian letters. Just as Grace taught them before, as a token of friendship and care, so, too, do the Eridians do now - bestowing their new friends with Eridian names, carrying them in the form of Friendship Necklaces.)
(And the humans, well, they think it's a bit childish, but, really, it seems to fit the legendary Captain Doctor Ryland Grace. Plus, best not to piss off their new friends, so friendship bracelet making it is.)
Anyway you DO in fact have to think about how you would respond if someone close to you got accused of something terrible*, and if your answer is "I would do nothing, because it's more important to protect my circle from harm, and it's probably not true anyway", congrats! Now you know exactly why most communities allow child and domestic abuse to fester like an open wound
Additionally, while it's important to understand the underlying reasons why some groups of people are more willing and able to commit abuse, focusing too much on identity is foolish. Adopting the stance that real abuse is only possible when one is a parent/blood relative/man/white/cis/straight etc, and only committed for a narrow range of reasons ("exerting power") is completely disconnected from reality, and simply makes it easier for you to comfortably ignore abuse that doesn't fit the model!
Lynchings are about white supremacy and using accusations of violence as a pretext for violence against a racialized Other. This post is about intracommunity issues, and abuse committed by and to people close to you, the reader. The vast majority of perpetrators of child and domestic abuse never face any meaningful consequences for their actions. You must understand that when it comes to your own personal friends and family, the likelihood that you will have any significant evidence to "examine" is low. You have to make a choice anyway. If "lynch mob" is one of those choices, that's on you.
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