Helloitsme

[helloitsme103]

Past Prime

Pansies prick while wading through their sunken fields

Their philosophies thrill me on any other day

To see them now is nothing less than a sorrowful morn

See how they sag,

Their poise is gone.

What should have been a break,

stretched into suffocating nostalgia for a bygone

billowing

song

Perhaps from when they were but a sprout?

No matter,

I, too,

am new to the season.

These pamphlets speak of their early whites waning to

...Orange...

Or was it yellow?

Although blue would be fitting, wouldn't it?

But purple is in season!

Was it an amirer to do?

To offer condolences to a now slumbering sea

toiling to remember the events of last September

When you were mine

And I was yours

What does that make of us now?

What dose that make of me now?

Am I still naive for living through this fantasy-

replaying those last days over and over

leading me to become sick with an obsession that not even writing can extinguish?

Is this what you wanted?

Did you prey for this?

Did some god take pity on you to make your dreams come true?

Praise them then, for all they're worth.

Because I am a mortal and you are a flower.

You will be gone with the frost, and I will remain.

That's a lie.

I am rooted in your thoughts,

Just as you are rooted in mine.

Remain upset if you so choose, but do not blame me for how you act

This pitiful play will only drag on with every fortnight you give it

I implore you,

Pluck me from your brain,

Vase me if you care.

Trash me if you don't

But don't lie and say I'm gone.

Don't liken me to the liken.

I was beautiful.

We were beautiful.

You too, were beautiful.

You were only blue.

Lapis, violet, oceanic, sky, premadonna

Blue.

[helloitsme103]

dont forget

Impact came long after getting up from the floor. It was only when there was distance that the reality hit. That old world crashed and burned when the mistake of reaching out was made. Now, all there was to do was mourn. Finally, there was time to mourn all of it. Be it as quiet or loud as the day permitted, you accompanied its tone in kind.

There is not much to say now that the throat was rawer than what remained of the mind, but the moments are worth more now than all that's happened then. In the space between cohesive thought, there is clarity spiked with determination. Not just to survive the massacre, but to live.

So as I wipe my eyes nearly every day now, I continue on. Not for myself, but for those who wait outside my door. Because they know to worry when I don't leave.

[helloitsme103]

I don’t understand this nocturnal plague

that ravages me

into the ripe dawn

Saturating my mind with memories I wish I could abandon

Like letters tossed into an open flame

Letting the words slice into open air is a bittersweet relief when the cut comes through

Although, I know I’m not alone in this slow flagellation

Perhaps a hope that their strife dosent match another’s

Speaking personal truths to those who care enough to listen,

Even though they don’t care to know the details of the plight

Out of fear they will sink in the process?

A twisted interpretation of individuality

Despite all of that, I feed the flame

Not out of penance or dependency for understanding

Rather to know I am here

That I am heard

If not by those who know,

Then by those know don’t

Let the court of public opinion decide where I should have died that day.

[helloitsme103]

You bring your knife

I’ll bring the lemons

Let yourself bleed as I recount memories no one else should know

Claim to be the victim when you’re the one who cut me off

Although, I’m no saint either

After all,

I’m the one twisting the knife

But let’s take a drive down memory lane

in that old Bumble bee I wish I drove

Let me regale you the retail memories you never asked about

Or perhaps that exploit that might make you jealous

Even though it’s all futile

Watch me boast about people you couldn’t give less of a shit about

And in return I’ll fill my heart with every person you do.

I promised to never change myself for another

Sometimes I wish I broke it for you

Than maybe I’d realize how tired you were of my shitk

That realization might’ve saved this one

or at least myself from being the desperate one in the friend group

Maybe that was the real reason why you brought the knife

To carve the lesson clear as day so id final understand why

In that case, I’ll make lemonade

No no, forget the sugar

You forget your sweet claim

Ice?

You of all people should know that revenge is best served cold

Forget the sting, dear,

It’s me who’s pouring

My spite is a cloud that will one day disperse.

Hopefully when you are far, far away.

Distance will make my head yearn for those years where we were friends

But as more time paces, I hope that those rose tinted memories fade into obscure cringe

Like home stuck or supernatural

Maybe then I’ll truly understand why I was the scapegoat

There’s many things not to like about me, you all should know I’m not perfect.

But we were friends then.

So why me?

I guess I’ll never know.

[helloitsme103]

Cherry wine stains my soul while whispered possilbities taint the inadequate future that was

Let me be clear in saying the conversation never happened; the promise you made was broke

And that was your choice

Staying away in the face of adversity gave me the chance to reflect,

Refracting onto moments where I wish I wasn’t like you.

Moments were I didn’t look away from the flaws I knew I was addicted to.

Gossamer touches in an impossible reality is what compelled me to try to hard, to make it right again.

But in the end, I have learned something so true. And it wasn’t from you;

“Just because you did a bad thing, Does not make you a bad person.”

So with those words ringing in my ears, I put one foot in front of the other - not for you, never for you, never again.

Strictly for me

Always, for me

Because it always will be me.

The mistakes I make, the misunderstandings that seem to be crystal clear, the underlying resentment sowed amidst the beds of trust- that’s all me.

But that’s the most vindicating thing- that it will never be you.

“You need to leave now, the library is closed.” I will never see you in the way I once did, rose tinted, flaws thrifted out for something softer.

In the podcast I raved to you about, to which you might of rolled your eyes or distinctly forgotten in the purge that was our relationship,i kept many things close to my chest.

The first is a phrase I can’t bequeath to you, as you don’t deserve it anymore.

Yet there is another, always another, that’s far more fitting.

Context be damned, I don’t have the time nor will to ramble to someone who isn’t listening anymore

So I hope you enjoy these four dollars for your thought:

“When someone leaves your life, those exits are not made equal. Some are beautiful and poetic and satisfying. Others are abrupt and unfair. But most are just unremarkable, unintentional, clumsy.”

You were beautiful in every way.

I knew you would never love me in the way I did for you.

This is my closure. I wish it wasn’t but it is/ was/ and will be. No amount of “I’m sorry’s” will fix that, but at least I can’t fuck it up this time, right?

Goodbye what was

[helloitsme103]

Isolation

I don't understand myself right now

Some part of me wishes I did

On off days I linger on what isnt there,

Let the demons linger on my skin

All the while I give in to their temptations

Tell them to get on with their intentions while I wallow in myself

I wish I knew why I do this to myself

Only time will reveal my intentions

Now I only suffer with myself.

[helloitsme103]

It’s been a while. And for anyone who is interested in how I’m doing know that I am at the lowest point of my life.

I find this fucker attractive

Wtf is wrong with me

[helloitsme103]

I feel sad. Very very sad.

[hugolemonnier]

How it feels growing with Pokemon as a kid.

You can check my short which is a hommage to this game by clicking : HERE

[helloitsme103]

I exit a job interview in tears

The sea salt stricken breeze acts in the stead of a friend states away as it hugs me to quell my fury. With tears threatening to fall and my soul rumbling for a hunger I didn’t know if I deserved to quel, I am struck with ease at the realization that he still offered me a position if I sent him my résumé.

The man I met looked like someone I’ve met before. Whether it be in offices, back rooms, store, fronts, or even on the street. He stood tall, although quiet. But when he spoke, his voiced blossomed with them welcomeness that I can only describe as a roaring flame.

In the beginning, he let me take the lead, but as soon as he offered up questions that I normally wouldn’t hear from people that normally would only listen. He left me stricken with surprise While he spun me around, took a bow and said, “checkmate” all the while he continued in the song and dance often participated in.

Even now, as I am layered in my thoughts and bundled in what I can only register as determation and pity. I can help but wonder why this man offered me hope.

[helloitsme103]

Trigger warning in the tags. Please take care of yourselves.

Why is it in my tiredness and lack of motivation, I continue on?

Maybe it’s because I live out of spite to those around me. To the universe even. Maybe I just don’t have the desire to end it just yet. I like to think that in my heart of hearts the will of my family and friends are tethering me to this realm even when the thoughts that linger scream in the dead of night. Whatever it maybe, I’m thankful that I am overall here rather than acting on a whim.

[helloitsme103]

I will never understand

Every time I see her there is a sense of ignition as soon as she leaves.

I loved her. She and I both know that. I'm growing out of it with the time she is with her one. But it's hard.

Here is a penny for your thoughts reader. If you are in a situation like I am- where you realised you are deeply in love with someone who is in a committed relationship- do yourself a favor and back off. Remember that your feelings are yours. You can allow them to fuel your actions. You can allow them to ruin your connection with that person as you push for something they don't want. OR, you could be mature and leave it. Only bring it up if they present it to you or if you are in a place where you feel the devastation will ruin you.

There will always be a time and place.

Take this advice as you will.

[imstunning]

reblog if ur a fish whore

[sexycraisinthanos]

[frostworkxfiction]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[helloitsme103]

I’m coming out

[helloitsme103]

Dear childhood,

You have been gone for only a few days but it has felt like a lifetime.

[baphonnicula]

i am an advocate for Big Dumb Man rights and i will not take this blatant erasure by the anime twitter users

[baphonnicula]

they're in love

[helloitsme103]

I would like to join this relationship

[helloitsme103]

There are some things we forget in life. Sometimes completely on accident, other times on purpose, but there is a third scenario that is often overlooked. Blackout drunkenness.

If you were to ask either of these men if anything was between them, the most definitive answer would be flirting. Maybe an unadmitted, untapped attraction that maybe, in the right place and time, could have been more than just a game of teasing. Constant, relentless, teasing. Not only for each other but, in a twisted way, for everyone around them.

The untaped sexual tension is palpable, all anyone would need to do would be to stick out their tongue. Yet the pair in question refuse to give in to the all-encompassing trope known as love.

Hence my suffering.

[helloitsme103]

Sally's song

This is a song set is sally's point of view. She visits the dream SMP and L'manburg every once and a while but after the Manburg war she stays and watched those who participated in secret. She is basically all caught up with the going on on the dream SMP because of this.

This is her callout post to her Ex.

This was inspired by No Children (by the Mountain Goats)

a part of me wished you were better

a part of me wished the worst

the worst come wasnt what i thought it was

and now i know you when out in a burst.

I am dying

at the sound of drum

I am wrething

from the sting of what you sung

You said that it was you're L'manburg

and god damn you couldn't have been more wrong

You say now that it was a ploy for power

but hunny it was more than a song

Wil i am dying

at you self proclaimed truth

I am grasping

for Tommy to get away from you

I will always love you for the boy you where

but boys eventually turn into men

But ill become a lesbian

so that i wont have to see you again

Cant you see the damage you cause to them

To tommy, to tubbo, to your song

but i guess that dosent matter to you

since the first war has long since been done

I am drowing

in my own tears

I am wailing

at those kids, forced to overcome their own fears

and even if they dont know me

i will always be at their side

even if they dont like it

I will always cry when they die

and even if you outlive them

It wont be long for i

will come out of the water ive been watching from for your years

and kill you as you cry

Yes, that is what i will do!

I will kill you as you cry.