#defensiveness

[the-healing-mindset]

If you're here, is more than likely that this is a pattern that you deal with or have dealt with rather than one you yourself perpetuate.

Some people lack the necessary awareness to accept accountability for their actions and to realize that they too can be hurtful. They dig themselves a deeper hole by continuing to deny what they have done rather than just offering a repair.

[unwelcome-ozian]

[unofficialchronicle]

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are four negative behaviors that can be destructive to a relationship and are often predictors of divorce: 

Criticism: Attacks a person's character rather than focusing on a specific behavior  

Contempt: A spouse views themselves as better than their partner, and can include sarcasm, name-calling, or eye-rolling  

Defensiveness: A negative behavior that can occur in a relationship  

Stonewalling: A behavior that can occur when a couple feels overwhelmed by emotion  

According to Gottman, healthy relationships don't use these behaviors as often and are better at repairing them when they do occur. The first step to eliminating these behaviors is to identify them in conflict discussions.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Oh… :(

[katimorton]

Childhood emotional neglect (CEN) can be hard to identify and understand, which is why today I am breaking down the symptoms we may experience in adulthood. We often focus on the signs it's happening to us, but many of us don't recognize what's going on until we are much older. These are just some of the signs, and obviously everyone's experience is unique, but just know that with help we ca over come these struggles. It can and will get better :) You are worth it. xox

[outstanding-quotes]

For emotionally immature people, all interactions boil down to the question of whether they’re good people or bad ones, which explains their extreme defensiveness if you try to talk to them about something they did.

Lindsay C. Gibson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

[mentalisttraceur]

Hi! As per my last email, Friendly reminder:

When someone is "projecting" that you have some judgement of them, or is "defensive" about a judgement you expressed, that does not mean they themselves believe that judgement!

They might, yes. That's one of the possible reasons.

Or they might just fear that you believe it, or that anyone might believe it. Judgements are dangerous unless you have relevant power, safety, luck, unattachment, freedom, and toolkit of coping skills.

Healthy adults in good life situations are not under any real threat from most judgements you could harbor about them. But that is profound privilege. Abused people don't have that. Kids in schools don't have that. People dependent on their job to survive, or to just stay free of toxic situations and people, don't have that.