i feel like a lot of fandoms pride themselves on being gayer than the source material but have they considered being less racist and less misogynistic than the source material as well . could be revolutionary
There's a panel I have seen around where Batcow is in the batcave, and I cannot stop asking myself "how does Batcow got in the batcave?" Titus, Terry and Alfred make sense, they can follow the humans easily. Goliath and Wiggle are very smart big animals, they got in by another entrance. But a cow??? No way she's able to travel through the manor and get through the secret passage to come down there. Cows can enter homes (I had my own experience), but this is too precise.
The only possible answer is that she has her own entrance, possibly near her barn, so she can easily come down there when Damian wants her too. And it may sounds stupid, but this is the batfam, OF COURSE the cow has her own entrance to the batcave.
Danny had done something wrong. He’d fucked up enough that Diana had to actually punish him. A rare situation considering that Danny, a hero and one who’s worked solo for years, rarely made mistakes big enough to deserve punishment or went against Diana. From the moment she’d rescued him from Jack and Maddie’s lab he’d been a total mama’s boy. Still, it’d happened and now Diana had to act as a proper parent and punish him for it.
Now then, how do Bruce and Clark do this? “You are grounded,” the tone she’d said this with made it clear that there was no way around it.
“But what about my hero work?” It wasn’t a well known fact outside the hero community, and even then it still wasn’t well known, but Danny actually needed to be a hero. He’s a guardian spirit. While his obsession is space he also needs to make sure people are safe.
“Other than work,” Diana agreed easily. She wasn’t about to deny her boy one of his base needs, as confusing as it was at first for her to understand that heroism is a need for him. “And no TV,” she tacked on mainly because it didn’t seem like a punishment so far.
Danny sheepishly mentioned with a shrug, “My TV’s broken.” Ah. Right. It had been broken by one of her boy’s rouges. The hunter. Skulker she thinks Danny called him. The hunter should hope she never got her hands on him or he’d learn she’s not nearly as forgiving as her son is.
“Then no computer,” she pivoted. It made sense to her. He used it a lot to play games with his friends back in Amity Park.
“I need the computer for school,” Danny once again corrected her. She’d forgotten that too. Her boy had asked to go to school online so he wouldn’t be beholden to the stringent schedules of a typical education. Ever since he’d started going to school online his grades had soared and Diana couldn’t be prouder of him. He’d always diminished his intelligence, comparing himself to his elder sister, and it had only gotten worse since his partial death at the hands of his parents negligence. The ghosts her boy fought at all hours of the day and night made it all but impossible for him to complete a school day unimpeded or to finish his homework without it being damaged. Diana had made it a mission of hers to help her boy see himself for the amazing young man that he is.
“Then uh,” she was really grasping at straws here. She couldn’t take his TV away since it’s broken, he needed his computer for school, and she couldn’t ground him from his obsessions without hurting him. What would Bruce do? Wait, that’s it! “No Cassandra.”
The girl in question popped her head out of the vent above and slightly behind Danny with a cry of “What?!” Diana was woman enough to admit that yes, she did startle. Both at the girl’s presence since she hadn’t had even known she was in the state but also because of the girl using her voice. She hadn’t thought it was one of the girl’s vocal days. Still though, considering who it was who startled her she wasn’t too embarrassed by that fact. Cassandra was the stealthiest of Bruce’s brood, including the man himself.
Simultaneously Danny interjected incredulously, “No Cass?!”
“No Cass!” She repeated herself. She was proud of herself for having picked and appropriate punishment even as both teens looked crestfallen.
Bruce being like that one teacher who hates/mistrusts you because they've taught your older sibling. Jon comes over to hang out with Damian all the time and that's OK but when they started dating, Bruce was on watch from the outset because he experienced Kon. It doesn't matter that Jon is Jon, there will be no funny business.
Wraith(Dani): And so yeah thats how Dad trapped his evil future self. *Puffing her chest proudly*
Superboy: Phantom is so cool
Kid Flash: Totally! Think he'd be willing to give me pointers on how to turn better?
Speedy: Man his adventures sound so amazing! Think he would take us on a mission? Maybe he'll actually believe in us!
Robin: Your dad is so cool! All Batman does is beat up a clown once a week.
*meanwhile, off to the side*
Superman: *looks down uncomfortably*
Flash: I could totally teach him that!
Green Arrow: *winces* He makes it sound bad when he puts it like that.
Batman: I also solve cases, and run the Justice League, but sure, all I do is punch clowns.
Phantom: *stepping out of a portal, and immediately gets tackled by Wraith* Thanks for letting Wraith hang out with you today. Here, I made these, in the living world so they're safe. These ones are for the younger heros. *hands Superboy a box of fancy looking cookies before floating over to the adults, all while Wraith is biting his head like a feral racoon* And these are for you guys! They have a splash of alcohol in the batter! *hands Green Arrow the box of more cookies.*
Robin: *shoving a cookie in his mouth* All in favor of Phantom being hailed the "Best Hero Ever" say aye!
Wraith, Robin, Superboy, Speedy, and Kid Flash: Aye!
Phantom: *blushing in embarrassment, but also looking close to tears because hes so used to living people hating him*
Martian Manhunter: Aye.
Superman, Flash, Batman, and Green Arrow: *shoot MM unamused looks*
Martian Manhunter: *eating a cookie* Don't give me that look. In all the time we've known eachother you guys have never given me cookies, this guy we've known collectively for approximately 10 hours and he brought us a gift.
(Average Metropolis reader after investigative reporter C. Kent's 452nd article on yet another case of landlords/business owners/factories' continued use of lead pipes/paint/gas/glass knowingly exposing the public to dangerously toxic lead levels) what the fuck happened to this guy
One day Bruce Wayne mentions in an interview that heroes like Superman are overrated, as the most effective way to reduce crime is to provide public resources and improve local infrastructure, then cites how neighboring city Metropolis has effectively lowered their violent crime by 13% after addressing their outdated water system and investing low income housing. the reporter conducting the interview suddenly starts looking a little uncomfortable
"Who, Clark Kent? Yeah, we're pretty sure he's a Meta. Is he a superhero? Like what, "Lead-detector guy"? "Captain pipes?" Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy and it's a handy trick, but it's lead detection, not laser vision. He's not about to go running around in tights any time soon."
everyone assumes that kent is so squirrely around superheros because he’s just desperately hoping not to be conscripted to the JLA to fix their plumbing
Yes, they dated at 14, but after a while, they realized they're too young for that, and it kinda distended them from Tucker.
So they kinda break up, and when I say kinda, I mean it. They still act like friends most of the time. They start dating someone else, then break up, then start dating again yada yada.
But sometimes they kiss or act like couple (when they're notin a relationship, we don't support cheating in this house), like Danny win a prize so he kiss Sam and hug Tucker, Sam sitting next to Danny and he puts his arm on her shoulders and brings her closer to him.
Jazz calls it situationship Danny calls it bullsh¡.
Between Danny and Sam a deal, if they cross 21 without finding someone else, they will start dating again.
Tucker both flattered and insulted.
Now, years later, when Bruce finds his 16 y/o son who he lost, he has to deal with this sh¡
Danny: *kiss Sam* See you later! My dad will pick me up today.
Sam: See u, D.
Bruce: *in the car, confused* I didn't know you have a girlfriend.
Danny: What? No, Sam is just a good friend.
Bruce: ... riiight
________________
Jason: This is the most mess up relationship I have ever seen, and I lived with Bruce.
________________
Tim: *sees Sam in Danny's hoodie* ...I'm not dealing with this.
________________
Dick: *trying his supportive big brother speech* at least till her, being lovers doesn't mean you stopped being friends!
Danny: That's sweet and all, but Sam and I dated for a while, we broke up but still friends.
Petition for Commissioner Gordon's Early Retirement
A/N: Not sure if I already posted this here lol.
ao3 link
Commissioner James Gordon has lived in Gotham his whole life. He’d gone a whopping five decades alive and thriving in the city of crime without the more commonplace drawbacks of it, i.e. going clinically insane, succumbing to the toxic fumes or well, dying (and resurrection because that seemed to be the trend). At this point in his life he can say with confidence that he has faced some of the most bizarre things an earth dweller would likely encounter.
Note that the term ‘earth-dweller’ is used very loosely.
Over the years, he’d come to see some sights he wouldn’t dare open his mouth about and had some encounters he wouldn’t dare re count. In what he would like to call his friendship with the local vigilantes/cryptids, he’d witnessed enough to take a few years off his life.
So yes, he can proudly say he has built an iron resolve in his line of work, had the faith of the locals entrusted into him (mostly) and had seen it all. There was nothing that truly surprised him anymore, be it shapeshifting aliens or dangerous rogues themed after the most peculiar things.
Then why?
Why must life test him so?
Isn't his hair grey enough?
Why was this Parisian sitting in the precinct for the fifth time in the space of the last eight days? It truly confuffled him as to how this tiny raven-haired girl managed to induce migraine nearly as bad as Bruce’s kids and their antics and/or Batman’s chaotic brood.
~
The entire thing starts at five-thirty on Tuesday morning in the middle of July. The prior night, there’d been a huge drug bust at Gotham harbour with the Bat himself involved and it hadn’t been wrapped up till one o’ clock the following morning. He’d just gotten off the bed the next morning, his only motivation being the pot of coffee his god-sent daughter was brewing for him.
James Gordon walks into his precinct with a cup of black coffee and red eyes. A typical sight. With a dorky ‘best dad cop’ cup in hand, he drags his feet behind him as he trudges to his office. The office is bustling at this ungodly hour of the morning, as it usually is. There are calls ringing in faster than the receptionists can answer and there are multiple parties furiously typing away at their desks, the more diligent half of his officers.
As he catches his fellow co-workers’ eyes, a chorus of “mornings” preceded his tired grunt of acknowledgement. The old bat was rubbing off on him.
He sat on his chair and yawned as he turned on his computer. He doesn’t know how long he sits there typing before one of his workers burst through the door with a cell phone to his ear and a serious look.
“Commissioner, we got a tip on a bombing at the Archie Goodwin International Airport,”
With newfound energy, he practically jumps out of his seat, and pulls his coat over his shoulders and hastily makes his way through the door, the officer tailing him as he goes.
“I want the bomb squads there yesterday . Pull together Officer Sarah and her team. Alert Airport security and tell them our E.T.A. is half an hour maximum,” he orders. The man beside him nods.
~
The commissioner is baffled as he arrives on the scene. It’s confuffling to witness, truly. The airport was under no state of emergency nor lockdown, rather operating quite normally for a place that had just received a bomb threat. Traffic flowed in and out as normal. The only disruptions being him and his team.
The general lack of screaming, panicked faces or obviously dressed criminals was a rather telling sign.
The paramedics were already on the scene although it seems as though there was no one really in need of medical attention. His squad’s cars are parked surrounding the entrance to the airport, awaiting orders.
Then a lady ran out the entrance. She’s wearing heels and a pencil skirt and Jim is thoroughly impressed by the speed she’s running. As she reaches in front of him she stops and crouches, breathing heavily.
“Commissioner Gordon, yes? Julie Andrewson,” she shook his hand frantically, “I’m the one who called but it was a miracle! This morning I received a threat via email about the bombing and the price of disarming attached. I’d just called you when security alerted me the situation had been dealt with- which is crazy right?” she huffed, “So thank you for coming, the bombers are tied up in the holding bay and are currently being escorted out by the guards into your custody,”
The old man stared at her, taking a minute to process the influx of new information.
“And who exactly resolved the situation Ms. Andrewson?”
She blinked twice, “I think it will make more sense if I gave my entire statement, you wouldn't believe me otherwise,”
“It can’t be nothin’ new,” one of his officers, Jefferson commented.
“Several teenagers apprehended the five bombers with brute strength, nosiness and hair ties after their eight hour flight,” she says with a raised eyebrow.
“Gothamites? That’s-”
“Foreigners,” she corrected, giving him a pointed look.
“ Really? ” he furrowed his eyebrows.
“Yep,” she popped the ‘p’
“Oh, okay, you win,”
“Could you please take my statement? My shift ends in,” she checks her wrist watch, “two hours. I don’t want to be working overtime because I’m missing it, I’ve been here since ten last night,”
The Commissioner sympathises with her.
~
James pinched his nose and sighed deeply. The girl in front of him shifted nervously. Marinette Dupain-Cheng she’d told him. Based on the other statements he’d heard taken, she was the ringleader of the Parisian squad.
“You’re telling me, you and your friend Max over there,” he nodded his head in the other boy’s direction, “Disabled the bomb with a hairpin and nail clipper and then proceeded to what? Engage in combat with the bombers?”
The ravenette’s nose scrunched as she thought.
“Max owns an A.I. powered robot, which helped us with the uhm, disabling? Yes, that's the word. Kim and Alix are pro athletes and Chloé and I have… experience in fighting,” she summarised.
“And prior to your… brave intervention, how were you involved in the situation? I’m told the threat was sent at eight a.m. This morning however, one of your classmates stated that you all were involved in the attempted attack from nearly quarter past seven. A rather large margin, don't you find?”
He watched her as her glaze flicked from her purse to her classmates.
“Honestly,” she bit the inside of her cheek, “Markov, Max’s A.I. was the one to alert us. He takes his owner’s safety very seriously,” she recited and fiddled with her fingers, refusing to meet his eyes.
She was lying about that last part.
“And how exactly did this, Markov learn about the bombing threat?”
She shrugged.
“I am not euh, fluent en the technologies,”
He raised an eyebrow at the dismissive gesture but shook it off.
“Okay then, you’re free to go kid,” he sighs. With a sigh of relief, she gets up and turns towards her classmates.
“And stay out of trouble from now on,” he warned.
She snorted and walked off.
How promising that was.
~
Not even a full twenty four hours later he sees the raven haired teen again. This time, it’s around midday and he’s in a less miserable mood. He pulls up to the aftermath of an already-dealt with armed robbery.
He’s getting the rundown from Officer Hillary as he skims through the witness’ accounts.
“Fun story Comish’,” she grins amusedly, “Ya remember the frenchies from yesterday?”
He nods in slight confusion. The woman gestures to behind him. Following her line of sight, he catches a glimpse of some familiar juveniles.
“Again?” he breathes out.
“This one’s ev’n more… thrilling than their airport take down.” she flips through the pile of pages in her hand. Her eyes flicker from side to side as she quickly reads through the pages.
“So, here’s the statement of the main contributors, We have ah, Adrien Agreste, Chloé Bore- Boo-” she squints, struggling to pronounce the accursed name, “Fuck it, Chloé B., Alix K. and Marinette Dupain-Cheng ,”
He could feel the migraine coming on.
-Adrien’s account-
“...I swear, we weren’t as reckless as last time! They had a gun to Chloé’s head in the shoe store! Was I not supposed to react?”
The officer taking his statement stared at him with a deadpan expression.
“Yes, so after I hit him over the head with a pair of her stilettos, can you believe they made me pay for the broken heels after? Chloé and I met up with Alya and Nino who were with a few others being held by some bad guys. I don't really know how to explain what happened next, I guess you could say Chloé managed to turn them against each other? In the end they took their partners out and we were safe, Lucky am I right? You could say it was… a miracle, ” he gave a short laugh.
The girl next to him slapped him up the back of his head, earning a cry of pain.
“Unnecessary,” he hissed.
“You know what you did,” she hissed back.
Again, the officer refrained from commenting.
“ Then we had to look for Marinette, she had been missing, apparently she was hidden in a fabric store during the whole thing, crazy right?”
-Chloé’s account-
“Do we have to do this?” she scowled. The blonde sat herself down with arms crossed and a bored expression.
The officer sighed.
“It would be greatly appreciated to help with our investigation,”
“If it’s not compulsory this is a waste of my time,” she scowled, getting up and walking off. Officer Hillary exhales deeply.
-Marinette’s account-
“Ah, Rebonjour Monsieur Gordon,” the ravenette laughed nervously, “Fancy seeing you here,”
“I could say the same for you Ms. Dupain-Cheng,” the old man replied, “Would you care to give a statement?”
The girl twiddled with her thumbs, “Not particularly but I heard it would help so I shall be an upstanding member of society,” she clicked her tongue, “So, our teachers, Madame Bustier and Mendeleiv brought us there as part of our schedule. Originally I was with Chloé Bourgeois and Adrien Agreste up until I got sidetracked and ended up by myself. Around nine and thirty, gunshots were fired and being a good friend, I did the logical thing and went looking for my friends because who knows what could happen in this crazy city!”
“Ma’am, running towards the sounds of gunshot is in no form or fashion, logical,” he interrupted, “but continue,”
“Hm, eventually I came into contact with Alya Cesaire and Nino Lahiffe first in a tech store? And…”
The girl gave the most detailed and yet vague report ever. One couldn’t suggest her words were carefully thought out at the fast pace she was speaking and yet she still managed to give the most uninformative account.
The Commissioner watched as the French class gathered, leapt on a bus and drove off. They’d been treated for minimal injuries, only half had willingly given statements and only three out of the nearly two dozen seemed even partly disturbed by the events.
What a weird bunch.
~
Two days later and Gordon is walking into the precinct early morning after his first good night’s rest in quite some time when he doubletakes spotting two familiar heads of hair sitting in the lobby. He squints at the figures, adjusting his glasses.
‘Is that…?’
The dark haired one waves and his suspicions are confirmed. With a sigh he walks over to them.
“Hello again monsieur!” Marinette grins, “Here we are yet again,”
The blond next to her gives a tired smile.
“And what brings you two to the precinct?” James is careful in his wording.
“ Cette ,” she gestures to the girl in her lap, “adorable petite ‘fille’. We ran into her-”
“She ran into us ,” Adrien corrects his friend.
Were they just friends? They seemed a little more than friendly. It wasn’t Gordon’s business anyway.
“We were on…a morning stroll,” the older man raised an eyebrow, “Which, in retrospect, was not the best idea,” Adrien pointed out.
“I should think not,” Gordon nodded.
“But we were there anyway,” Adrien said dismissively, shrugging, “and little M here just crashed into Marinette. She said she got separated from her maman and we tried to look for her but as you can see, we failed,”
“And we kind of got separate from our tour group in the process. I don’t think they’ll miss us for a while but better safe than sorry,”
Gordon sighed and looked down at the little brunette latching onto the teen boy’s arm. He smiled tiredly and bent down to meet her eye-level.
“Hey there little miss, do you know your mommy’s name?” he asked softly.
She nodded shyly.
“Why don’t you come with me and we’ll see if we can contact her?”
Her feet shuffled and she hid further behind the boy. Marinette knelt by her side and whispered something in her ear. The girl’s face lit up immediately and she eagerly grabbed Commissioner’s hand.
Marinette winked at the girl and smiled softly.
Gordon could only wonder what Ms Dupain-Cheng had said to her because as he turned to let the girl into his office, the pair had disappeared.
He didn’t see or hear about them for the rest of the day, thankfully.
~
It took less than twenty four hours for their next encounter. This one was slightly more concerning than the prior…three? What was the point of counting? Anyway, Commissioner Gordon was more than settled into his chair, with a doughnut in one hand and his gaze focused on the paper in his other hand.
It happened all at once. Every phone in the office was ringing off its hook and it was a struggle to keep up with the incoming calls.
An Arkham breakout .
Scarecrow sighting in the Gotham Museum of Heroes.
Fuuuuuuu-
~
A squad of his best men, armed to the teeth and fully geared in hazmat suits and respirators. The place, a cacophony of screams and plead echoing through each section. They had slowly worked their way through each exhibit, the Bats had been sighted, dragging a tied up Rogue out through the main exit.
Medical professionals were on call and receiving each victim they’d managed to inject with the latest anti-toxin, helpfully engineered by Wayne Biomedical Technologies. Stretcher upon stretcher emerged from the entrance of the tourist site.
Things seemed to be going smoothly, so why is Batman looming still? Typically, he swoops in, takes care of the Rogue, gives any pieces of information he deemed essential and just poof after he’d said his piece.
He scrutinises the vigilante’s gaze, which seems locked on the revolving doors of the museum. Is he waiting on someone?
And then it happens.
The Dupain-Cheng kid comes through the doors, unconscious, scratches littering her limbs and distressed clothing. The blond, Adrien, tailing behind with reddened eyes and a moist face. Only when the girl is shoved into an ambulance truck does the Bat move. Toward them.
Gordon squints and pulls a passing paramedic by the arm.
“What’s going on over there?” he asks, gaze unmoving from the truck.
“Oh uhh, from what I’m hearing she fuckin decked Scarecrow and took a nasty strain of the toxin. Big bad Bat had to knock her out to restrain her ‘cause she went berserk. Funniest thing, she saved that pile o’ mess over there,” he points a finger to a brunette, around Marinette’s age, sobbing uncontrollably some cars over, “Who proceeded to shove another classmate into harm's way anyway,” he gave a thin lipped smile “Teenagers,”
What.
Okay, he’d comb through the witness statements and sort that out later. He should check on the kid. The old man approached the ambulance.
“Non, shoo shoo, away Monsieur,” the blond made a shooing motion to the Caped Crusader, who seemed quite perplexed.
“I would like to talk to her,” he grunts.
Adrien’s face soured.
“And I said no. Plain and simple, I’d love to know how you plan on talking to a sleeping girl,”
“I will wait till she wakes up,” he supplies.
“Aren’t you allergic to the sun? You must be burning up. Go away,”
“I am not a vampire,” he grits out.
“And I don’t care, first, you assault my girlfriend. Then you proceed to follow us all the way out. And now, you’re looming over her like a goddamn shadow, ”
“ I didn’t assault Ms. Dupain-Cheng. She was going to kill Scarecrow,”
“One less villain to take care of,” he snarked,
“-Which is why I intervened. I was unable to calm her, so I resorted to other means of restraint,”
“Shoo,”
“Bu-”
“ Shoo!” he insisted.
Gordon bit his lip to suppress laughter. The boy swatted at the vigilante who stood just out of his reach like a dog after his food.
“ Ahem” he made himself known. Both heads turn toward him.
“Ah Monsieur Gordon! Ça va?”
“Euhh, bien. And Marinette?”
Adrien looked back at the ravenette sound asleep, suddenly a snore escaped. He snorts.
“She’ll be fine. I hope. She’s gonna be pissed when she wakes up though,” he smiles fondly at her, “Thank you for checking up on us. I appreciate it. This isn’t our first rodeo though,” he winks.
“I’ll pray for her swift recovery,” he promises, “ Please stay safe, I have some witness statements to take,”
“Bye bye then,” he waves before scowling, “I thought I told you to go? Why are you still here?” He took off his shoe and threateningly aimed it at the vigilante.
Batman muttered something and walked off with his head hung low. A strange sight.
Never a dull day.
~
They're on the headlines the following day. Front page, a camera had managed to get footage of Marinette menacingly holding a high heel over Scarecrow in front of one of the suits on display in the museum.
Gordon skims through the article, recalling all the statements he’d sorted through the prior day. He had a gist of what had happened based on the accounts. Similarly to the robbery, the kids had been a focal point of the attack.
Lila Rossi, specifically, had been singled out for a crass remark that didn’t escape the Rogue’s ear, and just as she was within shot range, Marinette had bowled into the girl, pushing her out of the way.
That got Crane’s attention real quick.
Typically, the reaction to fear toxin is petrifying or maybe hysterical terror. The parisian however, quickly turned violent and beat the shit out of him. It was satisfying and worrying to read and reconstruct the scene in his mind. He just hoped the girl hadn’t sustained much damage, physically or otherwise. Fear toxin was nothing to laugh at.
He relaxed into his seat and sighed. The man straightened out the paper, a familiar figure appearing in his peripheral vision.
No .
Already?
He got up from his seat and walked over to the seating area near the entrance where four teenagers sat. two brunettes, a ravenette and a blond.
“Mlle. Dupain-Cheng,” he greeted her, internally wincing at the state of her, “I ought to talk to your teacher at this point,” he put his hands on his hips. The scrapes from yesterday were scabbed over but now, accompanying them were fresh tears, especially along her forearm. Scattered pairs of scratches littered her arms and cheek.
Her sour expression lifted immediately.
“Fancy seeing you here Monsieur Gordon,” she grinned.
“Well I do work here, in case you weren’t sure before,”
She put a finger to her chin, “I suppose I hadn't, thank you for enbrightening me,” she smiled.
“It’s enlightening, Mari,” the boy whispered in her ear.
“Ah, thank you for en lightening me then,” she corrected, smiling unfalteringly.
His gaze flickered to the other two girls a seat apart from the duo.
“And these are your friends?” he questions.
“Wrong, unfortunately, they are the reason we are here,” the boy helpfully supplied.
“Oh?”
“Monsieur Gordon, was it?” The brunette with long, brown silky hair batted her eyelashes. He immediately recognised her to be the infamous Lila Rossi.
“Yes, I am Commissioner Gordon,”
“Ah,” she nodded, “We are here to settle a dispute. It would be lovely to amend things quickly and peacefully”
He took note of her, and her companions' relatively unscathed appearances.
“I see, let’s head this way shall we?”
_some half an hour later_
The scratches, he soon found out, were the result of defenestration. A term he’d learned from his daughter. He’d made sure the two had received medical attention before they continued. He had wanted to chock it up to teenage drama, but maliciously throwing another child into a window pane was not run of the mill pettiness.
“I would like to press charges,” Adrien voiced earnestly. All heads snapped towards him, all meaning both brunettes and the bluenette.
“What,” Lila paled.
The commissioner nods in understanding.
They’d been going back and forth for the past half an hour with each other. Both brunettes claimed it was an accident while the blond insisted malicious intent.
“This isn't the first incident” he revealed, “ and I’m willing to bet it won’t be the last. Marinette’s money stems from sewing, Commissioner, look at the state of her hands. And mine stems from this,” he motions to his face, “aside from aggravated assault and emotional distress, they’ve committed a business tort, forgive me if I’m not using the term correctly, I’m a model, not a lawyer,”
“Adrien, surely we can work this out. You know I have diplomatic immunity and do you really want to sue your classmate?”
“What is he talking about?” Alya discreetly whispered to her friend.
Was it the legal jargon or the English? Sometimes he forgot they weren’t native English, three of the four spoke it so well.
“ He’s suing us ,” he assumed she responded in French, he couldn’t be sure though.
“ Quoi?!” she cried out, a frantic look flashing across her face. Adrien ignored her outburst and continued.
“Whether you have immunity or not, it does not matter. When my father catches sight of this,” he gestured to his face once more, “Your mother can expect an email concerning your contract termination and settlement fees. Don’t fuck around Rossi, you know what you did and if you think for a second my father will take your side, then maybe you could plea insanity,”
Marinette snorted.
Well that took a turn. Every time he’d seen the boy thus far, he’d seemed rather nonchalant.
“It’s all hearsay anyway,” she retorted, “Only you and your girlfriend supposedly saw anything. According to everyone else, it was an accident . If anything it’ll just make you look like you’re siding with the baker’s girl you’re infatuated with,”
Perhaps now would be a good time to announce he just received the requested camera feed of the incident.
_Some minutes later_
Marinette looked amusingly smug by the end. She’d let her boyfriend do most of the talking and spent the time taunting the other brunette with the less than stellar English, Alya, who sat the entire time, seemingly processing the words “sue” and “settlement”. Most of the fighting had been done by the other two who’d been in an aggressive verbal battle for the past hour now.
The camera feed had clearly distinguished between aggressors and victims and yet, Ms. Rossi still tried all manner of excuses to spin the story.
Finally, the parents had gotten involved, the boy’s father on video call with his also, less than stellar English, (Adrien ended up playing interpreter) and Rossi and Cesaire’s parents. Marinette had claimed her parents didn’t need to get involved.
The matter was settled not too long after, Rossi bursting into tears alongside her friend and the couple thoroughly content with the outcome.
Teenagers.
~
When a head of sun kissed hair pops into view at the station’s entrance, Commissioner Gordon is immediately filled with a mix of dread and worry. It had been a solid two days without a word from the French gremlins and he was both relieved they’d managed to pass a full forty eight hours peacefully and concerned as to what had brought them back.
“I am looking for Commissioner Gordon?” He heard the boy relay to one of the officers.
The man made himself known, standing up from his chair and heading towards the teen. The large box in his hand caught him by surprise. Three stacks of what seemed to be gourmet pastry neatly tied with a pink ribbon were hindering the boy’s vision.
“Mr. Agreste,” he greeted. The boy craned his head to see around the package.
“Ah Monsieur! These are for you and your officers,” he smiled brightly as the man, Officer Jefferson, offered to take the package out of his hands. The gluttonous gaze Jefferson locked onto the package did not go unnoticed.
“That’s…quite a lot of food Mr. Agreste,”
“Adrien,” he insisted.
James nodded.
“Adrien, what’s the occasion?” He automatically searched for the boy’s other half. Adrien seems to take notice.
“Right now she’s at home sleeping, we do have a flight to catch in a few hours after all.Marinette and I felt it necessary as a consolation for having to put up with us this week. She did most of the heavy lifting as I’m still learning my way around the kitchen.,”
So they were leaving.
“You made all of this?” surprise apparent in his tone.
“It was not much,” he revealed, scratching the back of his neck, “much less than the stress we must have given you,”
It was a thoughtful gift. He could only imagine how long they must have taken to prepare that many. It seemed to be at least two or three dozen pastries with a name he probably couldn’t pronounce.
“Believe me when I say your…escapades were not much deviant from the regular,”
Actually, it was somewhat refreshing, a break from the insanity Gotham was plagued with. Sure they were eccentric and caused him an extra headache, but at least it wasn’t murder clowns and other flavours of ludicrous.
The boy snorted at that.
“Take care monsieur Gordon,” he smiled, “Perhaps we’ll meet again whenever next I’m in town,”
I like to imagine in a world of Daminette, when Talia finds out her boy is dating she might, possibly go on a "no one is worthy of my child" streak and then she meets the girl and its like:
Talia:*on a far away rooftop, staring through the rifle
Marinette:* in the distance, walks into a lamp pole repeatedly
Talia: why my child, are you trying to spite me in some form or fashion?
Also
Marinette: what the fuck does the LoA want with me
Talia: why do you even know who I am
Marinette: hi my name is Marinette and my cult is your neighbour
Talia: what
Marinette: behold, the celestial guardian, nice to meet you
Talia:*who just saw her drop a bag of flour on herself
Flash: No ring?! You never told anyone you were married?
Batman: You didn't update your paperwork for that but that aside. Our situation.
Green Arrow: We aren't glossing over that right?
Batman: Mission first.
Constantine: What Spooky said- HEY! ELLIE, BILLY, OFF THE TABLE. Hold I need to grab her. *Puts the call on mute*
Wonder Woman: Constantine seems to be a family man.
Superman: His household sounds like mine.
Batman: Hm.
Flash: Ellie? Billy? Those sound like kid nicknames, he has kids too!
Green Arrow: Probably.
Danny: Hello? Are you still with us?
Wonder Woman: Yes we are hello Mrs. Constantine?
Danny: Oh hun you can just call me Danny please. Love, you are going to drop him if you hold him like that. Sorry we are trying to rangle a bunch of kids right now.
Batman: It is fine, we understand we caught you in the middle of something but we have a situation-
Danny: Yeah Jo told me. From what I got it's nothing big, Vortex is always a big show no power I swear. In the sticks of Illinois there's a town called Amity Park. You are going to want to find the Fentonworks building and you can pretty much grab the appropriate gear to make sure you don't get overshadow- what? Oh. "Possessed". Ew I hate how that sounds. Don't give me that look.
Batman: Thank you Miss.
Danny: No problems! I will make sure John gives my personal number to y'all so ya can call if it's anything bigger. Trust me, if it was worse I would have taken care of it myself- Ellie why are you crying we told you to leave Dante alone when- take this.
Constantine: She answered your questions. I have to go if You couldn't already hear. Little- why are you biting me? *Call ends*
Flash: That was the most informative and confusing call we have ever had with him.
Everyone else: Agreed.
Dabble inspired by Saving Graces inspired another Dabble
I mostly wrote this due to the lack of Trans Femme Danny.
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When it came to magic the justice league had 2 people they asked. Zatanna, is the most popular option. She was kind but straight to the point. Knowledgeable and quick to answer even with her busy schedule. The other was John Constantine. They only called him if Zatanna was unavailable. He was stubborn rude and most times cryptic. He was about as helpful as a crossword puzzle. If you got ahold of him then you're either lucky or Batman.
The difference between Zatanna and Constantine was how much people knew about them. Zatanna was public, she was an actress and performer while Constantine only had rumors and speculations around him. His reputation was about as much as people knew about Constantine's private life.
On such occasions, Zatanna actually redirected the league to Constantine. She told them that despite her having her specialities, necromancy and the dead was a Constantine thing. She didn't know why or how he knew so much but he was their best option for the current problem the league was having. They were hesitant but didn't really have a choice. Constantine wasn't in the tower like usual so they had to call him.
"This better be important spooky I am kinda busy." There was a lot of screaming on his end. Batman explained their situation and Constantine couldn't help but chuckled.
"I'm not an expert, but my wife can definitely give you advice on a ghost."
Wait wife?!
Dabble to Dabble
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