You Are Not Entitled To My Personal Information 🩷

🩷they/them🩷 🩵Aro/Ace🩵 💜who’s to say💜

[bunkey]

notice how everyone is horny today

[bunkey]

[nepofledgling]

[phantomknights]

i think people are starting to forget what the LA in LARP means

[asterism343]

*nodding sagely* Los Angeles Role Play

[virtualgirladvance]

okay gang lets find that son of a bitch markiplier

[foone]

I was looking at sex toys on aliexpress (like you do) and it suggested I get a 45cm (17″) Black Tourmaline Hexagonal Obelisk. I don’t think that’s a good idea

[foone]

FINALLY, WE CAN TENTACLIZE THE CLOUDS THEMSELVES! 

[foone]

and now I found the “realistic torture/execution devices for dolls” section. 

[foone]

aliexpress is seriously the best place to look at sex toys because they can’t show nudity so they have to finding other ways to show off the use of the toys.

This results in a LOT of abused food, which is always hilarious. 

[foone]

that’s not what I was searching for and frankly at this point I can’t really remember what I was searching for 

[foone]

oh baby, slide into my chrysanthemum for some novel gameplay!

[foone]

one of my favorite things is when they decide to give you the whole hard sell.

instead of just being like “hey this is a good sex toy”, they instead try to explain why you’d even need a sex toy, from first principles. and that principle is usually “your boyfriend/husband sucks”. or doesn’t, I guess. 

they always end up looking like a r/wheredidthesodago commercial for lesbianism

[foone]

so the sound of this sex toy is between a flower and a clock! 

wait, a flower? do… do flowers make sounds? 

[foone]

I’ve posted about the Hammer Sex Toy before, but it turns out it’s not alone. There’s also… 

THE WRENCH! 

[foone]

now that is a fucking slogan

[foone]

one of my favorite things is that when they’re showing off that sex toys have a bluetooth+internet thing so people can control them remotely, they always show a world map and two points labeled with city names and they’re ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE NEAR THE ACTUAL CITIES. 

[foone]

sex toy or vulcan starship? 

[foone]

OH MEHR SPIELMÖGLICHKEITEN! 

[foone]

this will give you the biggest orgasm of your life, but your mother will die. Oh well, there’s other parents.

[foone]

In the quiet night all you can hear is your rapid breathing

[foone]

found another tool! it’s scissors this time.

I’m not sure anyone of any gender really wants scissors near their genitals, so this may not be the best design

[foone]

sometimes all I can say is “what”

[foone]

is this vaporwave?

[foone]

I don’t think that’s how that works

[foone]

your strawberries will never be safe

[foone]

finally, the first robot that can eat a flan! 

[foone]

another fun trope in aliexpress sex toys: just listing off all the rooms of your house you could use it in! 

(Unlike all those terrible dildos that don’t work in the living room or kitchen)

[foone]

finally the first sex toy designed specifically for wizards! 

[nflstreet]

[mutio-von-mutio]

i had to see if this was a real quote and it is

[goldwaltz]

[mothcrumbs]

[alldragonsaregood]

[kaban-bang]

[despazito]

It's actually super unethical to keep a peeve as a pet

[puppygirllaika]

yes!!! thank you!!! I hate when people do this, it's one of my uh... one of my... oh no...

[hyenaswine]

based based based based based based based based based based based based

[dragoncommunion]

(letterboxd user reviewing Portal) it's "god forbid women do anything" vibes

(steam user reviewing Kill Bill) Let me make you an analogy. Kill Bill is kind of like cheese. Why? Becausue its good. You like cheese right? Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm cheese. Watch this movie. 👍

[dragoncommunion]

(ogre crossbowman) me going to use bone bolts after run out of poison ones and then me definitely going to rout

[altschmerzes]

i love you friendship and qprs and best friends and friends with benefits and mentorships and roommates and found family and surrogate parents and chosen siblings and rivalries every single specifically and actively nonromantic dynamic that exists

[oneheadtoanother]

[kaylmao]

[squipdop]

every single fucking thing on earth exists solely to put a dent in your newly applied nail polish

[serenadeformice-deactivated2025]

sad news, my son Crispin Shopify III saw a picture of me when i was breastfeeding him as a baby. the psychiatrists all agreed that exposure to this act which is potentially incestuous and sexual was equivalent to infinite permanent sexual trauma, and so we've decided to euthanize him and just start again from the beginning. hopefully i wont fuck it up again this time. god bless.

[ianime0]

Witch Hat Atelier || Qifrey Episode 2

[lesbianshepard]

Hating how Nolan's Odyssey looks on the basis of being into Classics, but chuds have made it a culture war thing, so now I'm fighting for my life arguing that the issue isn't that Nolan cast trans and black people as gods and heroes, it's that he cast those people and then put them in dogshit costumes

[contemptible-scoundrel]

fuuuck I could use a mysterious benefactor right now