I'm kind of a bitch

welcome

[otter4dumplings]

[vacillating-bpd-queen]

[kattamslips]

me: I’m actually feeling good rn :~) this day is gonna be grea-

[hambaes-deactivated20151121]

if i ever give birth please dont tell me my baby looks just like me within the first 2 months cause i know that newborn look ugly as shit so unless you tryna square up dont speak

[yutoube-deactivated20140101]

boy, i sure enjoy watching sports. when they throw the ball? classic

[dorfs]

[disgruntledturtle]

Why do witches like always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them?? fat is like the grossest part of meat

[equalistmako]

“Why hello there, little children~. Please follow me to my magical… FITNESS ROOM. NO P A N S I E S ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT. LEAVE YOUR WHINING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE IT’S LEG DAY AND WE’RE ABOUT TO GET R-R-R-RIPPE D.”

[seasonoftowers]

Because they’re always cooking said kids in cauldrons and ovens - aka long cooking times at lowish heat. If you do that to fatty meat, the fat melts completely and the meat gets tear-it-apart-with-a-fork soft. If you do it to lean meat, you get tiny little sad meat bits that bring no joy to anyone.

[people-are-garbage]

well you did ask

[defilerwyrm]

Also there’s wisdom in fattening them up on sweets and other carbs. A meatless, carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavourful meat.

[mrtacomam]

you are arguing over the semantics of EATING CHILDREN

[kariachi]

Well yeah, you gotta get this shit right or it’s a waste of 40-80 lbs of meat.

[pulltheotheroneithasbellson]

plus if you feed them a high fat, low nutrition diet, they’re easier to subdue and less likely to run away, which would be a concern for an elderly crone.

[blueandbluer]

Thank you, Old Witch With Candy House side of tumblr.

[h0odrich]

[thewonderyearstrong-deactivated]

yea dude I drink a lot. Drink at parties all the time. yea you heard right, 9 capri suns. 9. in 45 minuets.

[teaboot]

Ffgfdthffghh just found out my great-grandma was engaged to like 11 men during ww2 because rando guys about town kept proposing to her before enlisting and she kept saying yes because ‘well I can’t say no, they’re going to war after all’ and only wound up getting hitched to great-grandpa cause he came back to cash it in

[doodled93]

Him: “will you marry me?”

Her, internally: will /you/?

Her: yes

[thebootydiaries]

me, while picking up worms from the sidewalk so i can put them back into the mud: a soggy boy is a happy boy

[filmparle-deactivated20210712]

I hate when teachers leave a ’?’ when they grade my work. Like mate I dont know whats going on either.

[just-shower-thoughts]

Ooo ahh hot hot

[ballisticgeltorsosyou]

finally an actual fucking shower thought

[anakintrashblog]

[angelicbreadroll]

i just heard a bouncing noise and then that was followed by my dad saying

“oh no my potato”

[unnaturalbabe-deactivated-deact]

tumblr i am BEGGING you to let me reblog ads, this is the funniest thing i’ve ever seen

[tastefullyoffensive]

They look so content. (via thedocholliday)