i know this happens on an afternoon but from where i am, it’s 12am connecting may 31st and june 1st and it’s quite a picture-perfect view so here goes.
Most of my friends are still on their way to the cinemas and I can’t wait that long. I need to get these things out of my chest and that is why you’re here, my dearest pal Tumblr.
Read on for thoughts, speculations, praise, disappointments and major spoilers. (Please don’t read this if you haven’t seen it yet).
Pre-title sequence:
I love this part in movies. This is the setting point, the mood-creator. It establishes pretty much what we can (or think we can) expect from the entire movie. And Marvel did a pretty good job here. It was a jam-packed 10(?), 15(?) minutes and to me it felt like a statement. Of course someone had to die. I just personally didn’t expect Loki to go that early in the film. That in itself was Marvel saying “hey, we are NOT playing around. We are actually going to hurt you in this one.” That really scared me for the remaining 2½ hours of the film and we haven’t even seen the “Avengers Infinity War” logo come up yet.
BUT. To contradict my love for this scene, I also think it sucks. Yes, narrative-wise this was great. If it was merely an establishing scene with nothing that precedes it, it’s great. BUT I loved Ragnarok. And to see this after all that is just disappointing. It basically ruins the point of Ragnarok. I’m not sure if it’s just denial but there is no way the fate of Asgard is just that. Loki – the god of mischief for crying out loud! – can’t end just like that. And to ask the more important questions, where the hell are Valkyrie, Meek & Korg?! If you’re gonna kill them, might as well give them a nice exit.
Tony
Out of everyone, this guy definitely has the greatest character development. Yes, he’s still an arrogant narcissist but he’s definitely got a lot of heart now and we owe most of that to our dear Pepper Potts and of course our friendly neighborhood Spiderman. That small, simple scene of Tony and Pepper just discussing their lives gives away so much of Tony’s hopes of finally getting a normal, happy life. (But of course he’s an Avenger so there’s no way of that happening.) I also read how Tony’s fear doesn’t seem to be death itself but actually the thought of survival without everyone else. That makes a lot of sense and honestly, that is just the worst (but most likely) fate for him. For a man who can fix and build basically everything, hopelessness and loss is what’s going to break him.
Spiderman
Wait can we talk about him later I’m not ready yet
Gamora
Now this is the character I did not expect to have the kind of treatment she did. The whole backstory, the tension with Thanos… there’s suddenly so much soul (ohmygods poor word choice!!!!!!) and character in her that stirred the plot more than I expected. Thanos has a heart after all!! Who could have known?!
Thanos
So ok, now we know he has a heart no matter how tiny it can be. And he also has this purpose which he thinks is actually good – not for himself, but for everyone. Now that makes a good villain. Marvel gave us an opportunity to empathize with the bad guy because now we know the cause of his actions. Whether you do or don’t is basically all up to you… After all, “bad” and “good” can be subjective.
Wanda x Vision
Like that Tony x Pepper scene, we get a glimpse of the lives these two oh so desperately want. I feel like every time I see Wanda on screen she’s always been miserable so it was such a ray of sunshine to see her genuinely happy (but not for long!) and for a moment there, this felt like a chick flick Christmas movie where two lovers meet serendipitously in a snowy street in Paris.
Elizabeth Olsen nailed her performances. As she gets her badass ass out in field to fight all those huge alien ships, I felt that. As she cries while she kills the love of her life, I really felt that. Give this woman an award and a lot of hugs, y’all.
Peter Parker
Tom Holland deserves a hug in this one too.
I love how Marvel embraces Peter’s youth. It’s an easy comedic relief and a really nerd-y way of hinting the audience what fighting tactic is next. But above all, I love his determination to “save the world” without question. Like everyone else, he clearly has the heart. But he also has this innocent, selfless factor that makes his character stand out even more for me. He literally just jumps into the scene to fight the bad guys without even knowing a) who they are b) where they’re from c) why they’re fighting… as long as Papa Iron Man’s in trouble, little Spidey’s saving the day. It’s all summed up in “I can’t be a friendly neighborhood Spiderman if there’s no neighborhood.” Too pure.
The water in my eyes were like calm lakes throughout the movie but when Peter’s slowly fading in Tony’s arms and the scared boy in him finally shows, my eyes went full on angry waterfall on a stormy night. That was just cruel, Marvel. Too cruel.
The other Peter. Peter Quill
I always thought Tony Stark is impulsively stupid enough but nah, he got beat. Quill’s getting that award now. I walked out of the cinemas still so angry at that guy because his incapability to control his emotions just pretty much cost him the extinction of half of the universe. I get it, he’s angry and all and this is Gamora’s death aka the love of his life we’re talking about but as Rocket said in GOTG1, everyone’s got dead people. It’s not an excuse to get everybody else dead along the way. (I wish Gamora’s ghost appeared out of thin air and slapped the hell out of him. Pretty great payback for my life, idiot.)
I wanna whack this guy more than Thanos tbh.
Banner
Banner all throughout was a great comedic relief. I also appreciate how he, in all his humanity, has the spotlight for himself now. Ragnarok established his insecurity of people choosing just one side (Bruce vs. Hulk) of himself over the other and most times it’s usually the Hulk that gets chosen. Well guess what, green guy?!!!! This man can take care of himself, thank you very much.
I also love what they did with the Hulk/Banner struggle… will he finally be in control of both? Or will more of that half-Banner half-Hulk happen? That’d be fun, it’s like having a best friend so close you’re literally the same body.
Other notes:
Tony being all awkward about calling Steve is soooo high school romcom and I actually love it.
The “Squidward” bit killed me.
Thor has great chemistry with the Guardians, especially Rocket. And the tension between him & Quill works, just maybe a little too close to forced at times.
Rocket has always been a hard character to read/predict so that small hint of fear to lose everything he loves was just sad.
I wish we had more background on what Steve’s been doing when he was MIA. I also found a lack of character from the Captain on this one. And really?! The Steve x Bucky reunion is just that?! Why are we deprived of bromance here?!
Steve introducing himself to Groot was innocently amusing.
Groot was just okay in this one. He’s basically just an emo teenager for like 80% of his scenes but I liked what he did with the axe. After seeing the movie the second time though, I feel like all this emo must come out from something deeper. Maybe out of sadness and guilt...?? because of Papa Groot dying and all? or did Thanos wipe out his kind too? is he the last Groot?
Peter Dinklage the giant dwarf!!!! I love this! Our giant of a Lannister!!!
Okoye x Wanda x Widow made the female in me so damn proud. Avengers whomst’ve?! This is the group I stan now.
Strange softening up for Tony though. I’m still trying to wrap my head around this one. Yes, it’s touching and all but Dr. Strange of all people should know the cost of him giving Thanos the time stone. There has to be a bigger reasoning for this other than just saving Tony. I love the guy too but I’m not about to sacrifice the world for him.
“Steve?” broke me real hard.
I hunger for more cool Wakanda tech. The battle was impressive and all but I thought there’d be more mind-boggling weapons Wakanda has to offer.
I came prepared (or at least I thought) for all the pain this movie might cause me but now I don’t know what to feel since most of the “deaths” are of characters with future movies lined up. So unless a Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 is happening with merely Rocket in it or a Doctor Strange with just his cape, then there’s definitely a way to reverse these events in Avengers 4. While that spark of hope could be a good thing, it’s also just tiring to feel all the temporary pain for nothing. Come on Marvel, if you’re going to hurt us might as well just make it real.
i loved writing. i loved taking notes of my emotions. i used to write when i’m filled with bliss; i wrote more when i’m down in the dumps.
i haven’t written in a while and i thought it meant getting better or getting rid of the ghosts that haunt me but i guess it was just denial. i immersed myself too much in distractions and make-believe thoughts of “finally being okay.” now i’m back to regular programming and i realized there’s really not much improvement in the “okay” department. everything that happens around other people is just a distraction, a momentary mask. our real selves are those whose hearts suddenly ache listening to a song that finally makes sense; we are the sleepless dreamers constantly nagged by the future; we are our own versions of atlas, carrying the baggages of our past as if the whole world is upon our shoulders. we laugh and we smile and drown in everyday small talk but in the end, we go home all alone and we’re back to the whole cycle of questioning our worth, our identity, our belongingness. we are the how’s and the why’s. we are the embodiment of what if’s and maybe’s.
but i guess although these waves could be the worst kind of metaphysical (maybe sometimes even physical?) agony, there’s good in allowing ourselves to just feel... to admit to ourselves the seemingly hopeless state we’re in.
we are freed by our acceptance.
there will always be days of smiles and days of sorrows. sometimes there are days of both. there will be days when we don’t understand why or how we got to where we are but if we dig deep, we learn a little more about ourselves.
and when the storms end and the waves calm and the ashes fall, we remember to pick ourselves up and maybe start again.
i know who i am more now. i’ll be stronger by the next set of waves... hopefully.
in episodes of self-doubt and setbacks this year there were two words always spoken to me that stuck and kept me going (it’s also the title of one of my favorite songs this year so maybe that’s a big factor). it’s quite vague and is not even a complete sentence ㅡ a perfect candidate for endless possibilities. do we hold on to fate? faith? principles? oneself? friends? family? passion? dreams? art? science? love? hope?
maybe it’s a different word (or words!) for every person.
ㅡend of thoughts i’m able to put into actual wordsㅡ
bringing back my favorite personal project on 2016 but this time I’m actually sharing it to the world (I just wanted to upgrade my family greeting cards last year as a sign that paying for art school is very much worth it)
yes, i made two versions of pizza for both pineapples-go-with-pizza believers and non-believers.
art prints and stationery cards are now up for sale at society6!
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