A while ago I had the idea to write descriptions of Holmeses (detectives) and Watsons (biographers) from across various adaptations, as though you're adopting them from an animal shelter.
Individual descriptions under the cut. Enjoy!
Holmeses:
Mr Brett
Mr Brett is very close to Canon and might throw some things around after being separated. With the right companion, though, he’ll thrive! Would prefer a single occupant home with lots of climbing space.
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Rathbone
An elegant detective, Rathbone does have a silly side! He loves to play tricks and mess around with rope toys. You will have to watch him while he plays because he will tie himself up more often than not.
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Howard
A fun-loving, giggly detective, Howard is a softy and very tactile. You will need at least two capes and deerstalkers available to allow for washing time, as he will insist on wearing one wherever he goes.
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RDJ
RDJ is a very messy detective and goes through terrible moods when he’s on his own. He’s a sweetheart and very heroic, but he will probably follow you into places you don’t want him to be! Buy some locks.
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Benedict
Benedict is a solitary creature, and has trouble making friends. He can be rude and off-putting but he is fiercely protective of the few people he likes. Might be willing to kill for you - try not to let him.
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Herlock Sholmes
Herlock Sholmes is very outgoing and enthusiastic! He is constantly seeking companionship and may end up adopting you instead. Will need lots of space for flailing and dancing.
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Merrison
A very talkative detective, Merrison can appear petulant at times - and he is! Once he knows you well enough he’ll become extremely devoted to you, even if he doesn’t show it very often.
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Canon
Canon is our most senior detective! He’s been adopted many times but unfortunately keeps returning to us. He may seem cold and aloof, but he's really very friendly and loves to curl up in a comfy chair!
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22nd Century (22C)
Something of a fish out of water, 22C will appreciate a home with lots of familiar elements he can use to ground himself. Suitable for someone with a regular routine and a space that he can claim as a retreat when he feels lost.
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Jonny Lee
Jonny Lee is a lap detective, but only once he is comfortable. You will need to let him come to you for affection, as he won’t accept it when offered. Get used to him bringing you “gifts”, even unpleasant ones; it means he likes you!
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Basil
Our smallest detective is nevertheless a big character! Animated and very quick, Basil would suit a small home as he doesn’t need a lot of space. Give him a few cheese crumpets and he’ll become your best friend.
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господин Livanov
господин Livanov will come and go as he pleases, but likes to be warm and cosy when he’s at home. He also loves to tease, and enjoys the occasional round of boxing! He would prefer a companion who can speak Russian.
Watsons
Burke & Hardwicke
Our bonded pair of biographers, Burke and Hardwicke are both sweethearts. You’ll rarely find one without the other. Both are very loyal and have a mischievous side. Don’t wake them up too early!
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Bruce
Bruce is perhaps not our smartest biographer, but he has a wicked sense of humour and is a friend to all. While occasionally clumsy and gruff, he will charge into danger to save you without a second thought.
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Crawford
Crawford rather enjoys getting into scrapes - though he’d never admit it! He tries to be the responsible one but never really puts his foot down. Make sure to have plenty of arnica on hand for his next black eye.
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Jude
One of our most independent biographers, Jude is still very loyal and willing to take up arms when asked, even if he seems a bit reluctant. Has a powerful side-eye and a bit of a gambling streak.
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Martin
Martin has a temper, especially when patronised or underestimated. Needs an experienced companion who can keep him occupied and challenge him. Make sure he feels appreciated or he may wander off.
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Iris Wilson
Iris is our youngest biographer and extremely intelligent for her age. She is still a child though, and can be a bit selfish and emotional. You will need to be encouraging and help her learn from her mistakes.
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Williams
Williams is a biographer seeking balance in his life. He is loving and fiercely loyal to Merrison, but he also has a strong independent streak. Usually a very affable character, but if he gets angry, you will know about it!
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Old Unreliable
Another of our seniors, this biographer can sometimes get confused about dates and the order of events. Just be patient with him and let him write in his own way. You’ll see how much of a conductor of light he can be!
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Robotson
Robotson didn’t have the best start in life - his previous owners didn’t realise he was a biographer! Thankfully he’s recovered and is now ready to make a home with a new companion. Will need someone dedicated to his routine maintenance.
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Lucy
Our only other female biographer, Lucy is very intelligent and has a wide range of skills, including hand to hand combat. She is also bilingual! She makes an ideal companion, but watch out for signs of distress e.g. dyeing her hair blonde.
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David Q. Dawson
This decorated and distinguished pocket-sized biographer would be perfect for a smaller home. David is very polite and will do whatever you ask of him, but he doesn’t respond well to being shouted at. Cat-free household preferred.
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господин Solomin
Though quite taciturn, господин Solomin is a sweetheart and quick to forgive. He’s very curious - try dropping hints about what you do for a living, and see if he guesses correctly! Provide lots of paper for his notes and doodles.
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I made this a little while ago and held on posting it on the understanding that I'd nebulously "make it better" at a later date, but honestly I don't think that's going to happen, so enjoy.
Every fandom needs a video to Let's Get this Over With by They Might be Giants.
Love love love characters that present themselves as emotionally open social butterflies but the more you see of them the more obvious it is that they’re the most closed off fuckers in the story. Sure, they want to help you with your personal problems and messy emotions, but if you turn that shit back on them, they’ll shut down or deflect every time. Why are you sticking your nose in their business anyway? It’s not like it matters. They’re not a person, they’re just a role being played. They’re the guy who fixes things and saves people. Please ignore the man behind the mask, he’s fine. Everything’s fine.
Does anyone else ever think about just how QUIET Watson is? He talks much more in later canon, but he’s mostly very silent, soaking everything in.
Maybe it’s just that he doesn’t write his own reactions very often, because he thinks that he’s less interesting to the reader than Holmes.
But Holmes mentions that Watson has a “grand gift of silence” so I think he’s just a quiet guy.
It does add to the idea that I’ve built up in my head of him, that he’s this strong silent man, very stoic and very steady.
Which is a really interesting contrast to Holmes, who is constantly MOVING and TALKING. In fact, I think that it creates a conflict within both characters’ personalities. Holmes’ mannerisms are loud and hyperactive; but he’s the one who notices things, and is the thinker. Meanwhile, Watson is a quiet listener, but he’s also the man of action. He is stubborn and passionately emotional, as opposed to Holmes who is more calm and calculating.
I literally have no clue where this whole essay came from lol
Ok. I finished House's Head/Wilson's Heart last night. I have thoughts. *****S4 and slight S5 spoilers*****
Wilson's grief is so hard to watch. Amber and Wilson's last moments together broke me.
But holy shit, can we talk about the pain House is going through?
First of all, why was House alone in a bar getting plastered? Because he was already struggling that hard to deal with his Wilson Time being cut in half. Why didn't he just drink at home? Because he wanted to create a situation where his keys would be taken, and Wilson would HAVE to come and be with him, even just for the duration of a drive home. He couldn't bear to go even one more evening without him.
Aside from that, the fact that Amber and House are so similar; House was basically watching what he and Wilson's life could have looked like if he was born a woman.
( When I saw the girl looked just like me / And it broke my heart / The lengths you went to hold me / To get to have me - Should've Been Me by Mitski)
The thing is though, House didn't even hesitate to put his life and brain on the line, just so that Wilson could have a chance to be happy with his girlfriend. Not for Wilson to be with House, but for him to be happy, with or without him.
And it's not his leg we're talking about here. We've already got a glimpse of how devastating it would be for House to lose his leg. But for him to survive the procedure, and lose his BRAIN? To lose his puzzles? To lose the one thing that makes him him? That, to me, is a far bigger sacrifice than his life. House was willing to live the rest of his life confused and mentally disabled, never able to diagnose anyone again, if it meant Wilson could be happy.
On the Heaven Bus with Amber, House straight up admits that he'd rather die than have Wilson hate him. He fears losing him more than he fears death itself. He would rather die thinking Wilson loves him, than live for a second in a world where he doesn't.
Now imagine how it feels to get off the bus and head back to a place that could contain his absolute worst fear, a fear worse than death.
And it comes true.
Not only does Wilson hate House, not only does he leave him, he tells him that their friendship all along was never real. Not only does he deny the friendship that House stays alive for, he denies the friendship that House had been staying alive for all those years. In that moment, he not only denies his sacrifice, he denies the thousands and thousands of moments of vulnerability and sacrifice before that.
House stands there, silent and motionless, because he can't actually comprehend it. His mind won't let him. He doesn't get upset or angry, because it hasn't actually registered in his head. It's not true.
He sits on the floor of Wilson's empty office, he keeps going back to the last place he saw Wilson, because he can't even comprehend that he's not there anymore. For him to even accept that fact, is an unimaginable Hell.
House would have mangled his body and destroyed his soul for Wilson's happiness, and he doesn't even acknowledge it.
Amber's death is sad, but at least Wilson was there for her in death. She knew she was loved when she died. House nearly died multiple times, and instead wakes up to hatred.
I know how grief can change you, so I understand why Wilson left. House and Wilson are my favourite dynamic in the show, but a part of me wants House to just walk away too for his own sake. It hurts to see him still cling on to Wilson when he's so ungrateful.
House seems like the most arrogant and selfish person on the show, but in reality he's completely selfless.
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