Immediately after earning the Peabody Award for "My Big Redneck Wedding,"* CMT executives held a secret meeting to discuss how they would follow the achievement.**
"I know!" one executive said. "Let's produce a reality dating show where we pit city slickers against country boys to win the heart of a self-described Southern belle! We'll call it 'Sweet Home Alabama.' "***
Everyone looked at each other over the conference table, tears of happiness in their eyes. PBS was going to be so jealous -- again.
So they scoured the South, looking for their perfect Southern belle. No one seemed to be just right. They almost settled on a Vanderbilt Medical School ph.D. candidate who was single-handedly feeding a starving African nation, but they knew not to settle. Then, in Alabama, they finally found their star. As a member of Mensa, Pulitzer Prize finalist and organ donor, Betty Sue George Mae was the natural choice.
Next, CMT searched major cities, looking for reasonable-looking men who were driven, humble and tipped their waiters at least 20 percent. After finding ten men who fit these qualifications, they went to rural areas and found ten equally upstanding small-town males. They also hired Morgan Freeman to be the host, because why not? It's Morgan Freeman.
When filming began, producers made sure to not fall into the typical reality show trappings their competitors were victims of. There were no sudden elimination rounds as an attempt to amp up suspense. They ditched the country vs. city schtick in an attempt to eliminate fake confrontation. Also, no one could utter the words "soulmate" or "The One" -- a rule that irked college-aged viewers who could now only take drinks when two people stared earnestly at each other.
Most importantly, executives encouraged open, honest, intelligent conversation. Betty's conversation with the competition's runner-up, Jon Bon Joviston, about the ending of "The Great Gatsby" has been the topic of numerous recently published literary criticism articles. When contestant John Stamosdos (or Second John) described how he braved a raging fire to save a housewife and five dogs, 2.5 percent of Americans cried.
At the end of the competition, Betty chose Bob Sagetlyson, a social worker who also headed a nonprofit that gives reading glasses to rabbits with poor eyesight. The remaining contestants were sad but gave Betty and Bob their best regards and immediately signed up for a match.com account. Betty and Bob agreed to take it slow but then got married by Morgan Freeman because hey, why not?****
*I just made this up, even though I wish I hadn't.
***Nothing in this story is true.
****CMT's real version of "Sweet Home Alabama" airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. EST on CMT. Watch a preview of the show above and check it out on Facebook at http://on.fb.me/qTDadO.
