It was when my mom had to buy her 13 year old daughter lotion for stretch marks
It was when I was picking out an outfit and had to keep telling them that the clothes were to small
It was picking out homecoming dresses for the other person and saying my size under my breath
It was the ādo u really NEED more food?ā
It was the way the doctors looked at me when they wrote down my medically obese weight on their charts
It was the fact that when I told my friend I stopped eating she brushed it off because I wasnāt skinny enough to be in danger
It was that my friends dad said that after high school when guys stop caring about looks so much, Iāll get all the guys
It was the fact that I was the only one at the pool not wearing a bikini
It was the fact that Iād never had a boyfriend or a best friend
Itās the fact I carry safety pins in my purse because most of my clothes are too big
Itās the āhave you lost weight?ā
Itās the āIām gonna try on a medium shirtā
Itās the LOSING WEIGHT
Itās not looking as much at sizes because if it looks like it will fit it probably will
Itās the heart race that you get when you see youāve lost even a pound
Itās the thrill of accomplishing something youāve worked so hard for
Thatās why I kept going
Itās finally hitting your goal weight
Itās going back to school and watching everyoneās jaws drop
Itās never worrying about muffin tops or thunder thighs again
Itās having a lazy day and it being cute not slobby
Itās the eating a cookie and not having people think āthatās why sheās fatā because youāre not
Itās the boys that flirt with you
Itās the girls that are jealous of you
Itās the body youāve always wanted
Thatās why Iām in the hospital
It was the malnutrition that made you faint
It was the over used heart that went into cardiac arrest
It was the lack of food that make your hair and nails frail and brittle
It was the doctor that couldnāt save you
It was the therapist that could get to you
It was the eating disorder that controlled you
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