yes, and: knightingale where julien has a breath play kink and also is a masochist (occtis is naturally a sadist, imo it’s really hard to see a world where he isnt)
Welcome aboard!! We're gonna call you wind, I think, please stick around!
Okay so yes, obviously, this is very them. And also I don't even think it's related to the whole not wanting to be alive thing.
Julien can remember it from some of his earliest training, the feel of strong arms pinning him down as the breath is knocked out of him, or an arm around his neck as he struggles against a hold. He developed a reputation as a brash young thing, always ready to challenge someone larger than him.
The first time someone had put hands on his throat in bed it was a young woman, short but with broad shoulders, a knight from another vassel house, and an entire new realm of possibilities opened up to him. To this day he remembers looking up at her, her shoulder length red hair around her face, leaning over him, both hands on his throat, wrapping around it in an oddly gentle way even as it made it hard to breathe as she rode him until she came. A truely beautiful sight.
He had had many other experiences over the years, it was almost second nature to find the right moment to take someone's hand as they grew close and guide it to his neck. Not everyone took him up on it, some would just stroke there, some would grip carefully... And some would find his eyes, search his face.... And start to close their hand firmly.
Occtis was something else entirely. He was cold and calculating in the best way, and Julien adored him for it. The first time Occtis had stoked him off, exploring his arousal with one hand, the other had come up without prompting to cup over his throat, not even pressing with the flat of his hand but rather his fingertips, knowing exactly how to put pressure on his windpipe in a way that had him gasping and begging to come.
The best part of Occtis's hands was how he couldn't predict them, they might press to his throat or across his neck, or one hand pressing firmly over his mouth as the other leisurely pinching his nose as he watches his face.
Occtis doesn't always stop, either. There's always that question as his vision starts to fade if the hand will move and he'll be able to gasp a breath, or if the world will fade away and he'll wake up sore in the most delicious way.
Occtis didn't have his own breath at all, after all, so as far as Julien was concerned he was free to steal his.
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