I want to stop SURVIVING and just LIVE

I AM a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and a Follower of Christ. I AM an evangelical Christian who does not support the Teapublican party. I HAVE bipolar 2, an obesity issue, and an eye tumor. Right now I'm only surviving, but I need to get to a point where I can live again.

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Uploade my first #YouTube video. My introduction. #vsg #wls #verticleSleeve

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This First half of 2014

Has not been great. I had a mental break down, then diagnosed as bipolar. We have struggled financially more so than ever before. I have struggled spiritually,more so than I have in years. I have also had to deal with recovering from knee surgery. So emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually have all been tested inside and out. It will be april in a couple days. I have orienrtation for classes on april 8th. I'm planning to take three this summer. I'm signed up for two but have to talk to ana dvisor to sign up for the third. Then for fall I will take my final prereq and apply to nursing school. I know God is guiding me. And His favor is upon me. The other night I had a crazy spiritual dream, and it showed me where I needed to ask for forgiveness and to fogive. And that has lifted a lot off me. April 11 I meet with my bariatric surgeon to start the process of getting a revision to vsg.

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Good & Bad News (one in the same)

After 5 days of mild depression, today I am hypomanic.how can I tell? I'm feeling really good, the world is brighter, I can't sit still for long, and I'm having lots of thoughts. Good thoughts....I feel like I can do anything. I feel more than hopeless. And the big sign, I'm cleaning like crazy. I feeling giddy. It is more than happy. But I don't feel completely out of control but not in total control either. But life is good. Really good. And to be honest I'm thankful for this. I was hoping to get like this so I can get stuff done. I'd rather just feel "normal", whatever that is. I guess balanced would be super nice. Not on one end of the spectrum or the other. It's hard being being this. But I believe in a God that is good and loving. And at some point will heal this mind if mine. Because He said he wants us to have a sound mind. I'm not perfect but I am made perfect through Christ who died for me.

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Taking Responsibility

I was talking to my momand she said, "Just because you are mentally I'll does not mean you ant take responsibility for your actions." I guess I wasn't considering myself mentally ill. But it is true. Two, she was referring to my relationship with my kids. Which this stupid disease seems to be trying to destroy. Which makes me super angry. Somehow I have to fight this. It is just frustrating!

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#christian #christianquotes #wls #weightloss #vsg #lapband2vsg #lapband #winning #victorious

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I am standing on this!! #christian #christianquotes #motivation #wls #weightloss #vsg #verticlesleeve #lapband #lapband2vsg #endthetrend #winning

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Feeling Hopeful

I haven't written in awhile. It's been a weird couple of weeks. Ups and downs to say the least. I had some really bad panic attacks. Had some extreme irritability, I've just been all over the map. Welcome to having Bipolar Disorder. Today I saw my psych, I haven't seen hersince our first visit, but she was confident in diagnoxing me with Bipolar 2. Basically I deal more with the extreme depression then the manic or hypomanic states. But I'm prone to have them. I aslo told her I was seriously considering lapband conversion to gastric sleeve. I just wanted to get her take on my having this done. And she was supportive. She would work with me to make sure that I had no issues taking my meds. I was thankful for that. I go April 11 to meet with the bariatric surgeon and now I pray that my insurance will cover this surgery. I think they should, I'm praying they will, I'm believing they will. A couple weeks ago at vhurch several random people came up to me and ptayed for me. Which was good. I know God wants us to be of sound mind. And I'm believing that I will be. I believe I'm getting better slowlybut surely. Right now dealing with aspiration pneumonia. I havent had to deal with this in awhile, but it is back. All the more reason to get this thing out. That's me up to date.

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UP Today & Eye Update

Today has been good. Praise God! I had the whole eye tumor checked out today and it is only a mole. Praise God! We still have to keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't grow. So I'm not totally out of the clear right now. But for now this is great news! If it grows then we have to be concerned. Here's to believing it won't.

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Today Was UP

Today was a good day. I'm learning that my biggest stresser is a messy house. That about puts me over the edge. Otherwise, an ok day. I received some much needed prayer at church. Though church was a bit odd today. Well, it usually is. My pastor has some issues. Actually a lot. He has anger issues, he's a racist, and today we learned he has "raunchy" thoughts on a daily basis. Which was way more info then I ever needed to know. And he actually asked the whole congregation to admit that we all have raunchy thoughts every day of our lives. Uhhhh I don't. I can honestly say my thoughts are not possessed with"raunchy" thoughts daily. Maybe a few times a year, but no where near daily. Anyhow, mentally was a good quiet day. Quite stable. No excitement or severe depression. So, I will take that. Praise God!

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Have you seen Pact? I've been using it to keep me exercising consistently. Sign up with promo code GymPact$5 for a $5 gift: http://fb-13341805.gym-pact.com

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Weight Loss Surgery. - VSG (1st Post)

In 2006 I received the lab (gastric banding) to assist with weight loss. I started at 290, got down to 230.And today I sit at 270ish. For the past twoor there years I have been suffering with all sorts of issues as a result of the band.I was hospitalized several times. I fought with my insurance which stated at the time they would not cover the removal for any reason. This year that changed to where now ifmedically necessary they will remove it. There are still some hoops to jump through. But on March 4 I return to the surgeon to discuss the possibility of a conversion from lap and to a verticle sleeve. I will link what a verticlcle sleeve is for those of you notfarmiliar with wls procedures. I am praying like crazy this works in my favor. Because if God is for me who can be against me? Iaam believing Gods favor will go before me. I desperatley want to loose this weight. I have tried it all only to always gain it back. If all starts rolling then I am going to make my own youTube channel documenting my WLS Journey.

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Last Night

My husband was leading our bible study. I was really not in the mood to go. But I always feel the pressure to go. I went. I was tired and had little to no patience, and I wasn't holding it in well. I made a few comments. Nothing major but I'm sure people could tell I was not amused. Then wee had to go to the store to get ice cream. When we got back I refused to go back in. So I just sat in the car. I was tearful. On one hand I really wanted to be there on another, which was stronger, I just wanted to go. A few minutes later we did we left. I got home and went to sleep. I'm awake now.but id rather notget up quite yet. I have no idea what mood is in store for me, or those around me. I'm kinda freaking out about the tumor in my eye. I wish my appt was for tomorrow. Not until Tuesday. *sigh*

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I'm going to like my #BirthdayPresent - #ninjablender this will be a perfect addition for post-op diet. #vsg #vsgcrew #vsginstacrew #wls

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#Funny

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#DownPouring #Rain

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To Hospitalize or Not? That is the question

I’m so sick of being all over the map emotionally. One minute I’m fine, next I’m a raving lunatic because the kids left cups in their living rooms. One minute I can deal peacefully with a possible cancerous tumor in my eye, and the next I don’t know that living is such a great idea.

But I do want help. I do recognize this isn’t normal or at least ok. I want to be free. Please Father God give me guidance, please heal me! Just heal me!!

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Finding new specs.