still together, still going strong (despite the closet)
âŒïž this is just my opinion; everyone interprets music however they want. you donât have to agree
today i reblogged a post about the waiting game being about being in the closet and i wanna talk more about it!
im not trying to affirm this, but for a while now, specifically since the walls-fine line era, i think harry wants to come out of the closet, but louis doesnât (technically, i think he has much more mixed feelings about it than harry). that doesnât mean at all that louis isnât proud (he is, in fact, he shows it all the time) or that he doesnât want us to know theyâre still together (he shows that all the time too lol), but i think he âdoesnâtâ want to publicly come out and harry does.
thereâs absolutely nothing wrong with either stance, i think both are totally understandable and none of us can say for sure what we would do or how we would feel in that situation. i think louis has more than valid reasons for believing itâs a bad idea, and his situation is more complex than harryâs. letâs be honest, he has a babygate, a history of long-term âgirlfriendsâ and not just pure stunts and the general public isnât as convinced that he's LGBTQ as they are with harry (yes, itâs true that there are a lot of people in denial about harry ik, but come on, we all know a lot of them believe heâs at least bi).
it began with the contrast between golden and lights up with walls and defenceless for me (i think those four songs are about themselves, their fame and their relationship).
âheâs goldenâ âim hoping someday im open. i know that youâre scared because im still hopingâ âi know youâre scared because im so openâ âim hoping someday youâll openâ and everything lights up (and the context in which it was released) it really contrasts with:
âand im too tired to be tough, just wanna be loved by youâ i donât care about being open with everyone anymore, i donât want to be strong and put up with what that involves, i just want to love you and be loved by you. nothing else.
time passes, and we get to the harryâs house-fitf era. we met keep driving, satellite, face the music and ooms. (this is when i think louis starts to have more mixed feelings, when he really starts to wonder âwhat if..â)
âwe share the last line then we drink the wall till you wanna talkâ âspinning out waiting for ya to pull me inâ
âa small concern with how the engine soundsâ âi would ask, should we just keep driving?â weâre moving forward, yes, but im concerned about how weâre going. i hear the problem. should we just keep going as if nothing is wrong, or do we stop and look at the problem? how long are we going to pretend we donât hear it?
then, on the one hand, we have face the music, which, like defenceless, emphasises âi want to be with you, but i donât want to face this situationâ.
parallels between golden and face the music
but out of my system, aliveâs older sister, recognises that weight in him. i decide not to do anything, but it weighs on me. i know i have to resolve it one way or another. the situation is complex. i donât want to do anything, i donât even want to think about it. but im not blind, i see it affects me and my relationship.
we continue moving forward in time and arrive at hdigh-kissco era.
we are now at a point where louis recognises that the situation is more about him feigning insanity than the problem itself. itâs something inside his mind, fear, uncertainty. iâs not a question of âhow do i face it?â, but rather âdo i really want to face it?â that is why i think itâs a mixed feeling: at times i would like to, should i? if i donât want to face it, why go through it? and i really think thatâs totally valid.
i donât want to hear anyone say that itâs wrong for louis not to want to come out or that heâs âbad for not making that effort for harryâ.
no LGBTQ person should have to come out to anyone, and itâs a reality that consumes a lot of you, brings a lot of changes. and changes require time and energy (*cough habit cough*). sometimes youâre so tired of everything thatâs happening to you (im speaking for myself here) that you say, âdo i have to go through this right now? i know itâs a problem, but canât it wait?â fighting it is exhausting.
harry insists, let the light in. lights up. itâs better to find out if itâs going to be as bad as you think. itâs uncertain, but weâll be able to see the positive side. we like to dance, donât we? letâs dance like itâs a dance floor even if everything goes wrong.
(and donât get me started on face the music vs dance no more).
this seems like a quote. its something louis says in his songs. harry always continues with âwe belong togetherâ after this. can we say that heâs quoting him?
all those things you said to me when you had âlost your tasteâ and now you apologise. you played tough (âlonely in parisâ = separated from love) but you need love. my love. you know you call me âbabyâ and I already tell you i forgive you, but... this didnât happen before, we used to fight more. youâre settling down, handling it more.
and while weâre at it, i think that the âphoneâ in both of their discographies is the allegory they use to refer to arguments about issues that make them feel distant (thatâs why the telephone, because itâs talking from a distance, not that they are literally separated and calling each other).
like this. morning calls = morning fights (i ainât even woken up yet not nearly verticalđ¶)
now, finally, back to the waiting game.
i think heâs talking about closeting. over the last few years, harry has been doing stunts that are too obvious, he doesnât mention them or interact with them like he did when he was in 1D (theyâre literally more pap walks than anything else, he hardly even mentions them in interviews). and itâs always during the periods when he writes albums and releases them. and although holivia was a shit show etc etc we canât deny that if youâre not actively in the fandom, the stunts donât really have much impact other than in promotion and narrative for the general public. i think harry does it because heâs tired of it, heâs tired of being the âladiesâ manâ and he has every right to be exhausted (american girls? hellooooo)
louis is in a different situation. he does stunts for promotional purposes, yes, but his stunts are still much more of a beards than harryâs ever were. he always had beards until he broke up with eleanor for the second time. thatâs when his *proper* stunts began (yeah the party boy era, yeah, but if you ask me, that era and the babygate worked more as a beard than as a stunt if we look at it from a distance). basically, he puts more effort into pretending to be heterosexual, at least more than harry. and again, this is not about âwho is right or wrongâ, itâs an observation.
in this âmeanwhileâ, in this seemingly endless wait, you play the âwaiting gameâ. you keep pretending, you keep doing everything we do to wait. but it all adds up to nothing. emotionally dry years go by. you try to redo your âdesignâ but it all adds up to nothing.
we move forward in the album and we come across her, yes, coming up roses đčâš
harry recognizes that he is putting pressure on something that he knows doesnât need it. i was judging the whole journey, im sorry. i love you, i donât need you to do this for me. you donât have to decide between being with me and coming out or not being with me. i donât want to see you cry about it anymore.
i always say they arenât in a queer relationship like we would be/are, they are in a queer relationship in the public eye, under scrutiny. and i honestly believe that many people donât give fame the weight it has in their songs. in a context where they are not A+ celebrities, we could perhaps interpret this as them having a thousand relationship problems and coming and going all the time. but knowing it? i think itâs clear that theyâre still together and always have been. every album since midnight memories has songs about being in a long-term relationship. âone proper relationshipâ
fame brings a thousand things that none of us will ever be able to fully understand. i donât believe that all the supposedly acclaimed âbreak-up songsâ are about break-ups.
âsomebodyâs got your trainers on the ones that you wore when you walked out the doorâ i have your fucking trainers. i wear your clothes all the time. âyou walked out the doorâ you disconnected from the situation, you ignore me, âyouâre giving me the silent treatment, donât know what it's achievingâ, but at the end of the day, i put myself in your shoes because we share them weâre both in the same boat.
âi saw your friend that you know from work he said you feel just fine i see you gave him my old t-shirt more of what was once mine i see itâs written, itâs all over his faceâ its me speaking in the third person about myself because i make a distinction between myself and the voices in my mind. âoh can you hear the voice? the one inside your headâ im that friend you met at work. you gave me back my t-shirt, I'm that friend you met at work. you gave me back my t-shirt, which reminds me of what we used to share: first album post-1D, the âwe have learn how to go though this publicly separatedâ time. (space to clarify that i think they use clothes as a material symbol representing shared history and the passage of time). i know you can tell what im thinking even though im giving you the silent treatment because i feel like i donât recognise you lately. i wake up and see your face and youâre becoming a stranger. âmy phone misses your calls btwâ at least fight with me so we can talk. we canât keep ignoring the problem. comfortable silence is so overrated. eventually, we have to discuss this.
itâs a circle, or at least thatâs how it seems for now. at Manchester ONO, harry played ftdt, which is the beginning of how they ended up on coming up roses, the only song with harry being the only writer in his entire discography.
anywayyy they never broke up <3
