\\hopeisstillalive\\

Thanks for tuning in...

[hopeisstillalive]

The light bulb of ideas and thoughts are always on and lighting the way. https://www.instagram.com/p/CmZil2PPwul/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[hopeisstillalive]

“Had a funny feeling that it’d come down to this. Really wish that weren’t the case… Anyways, let’s settle this, once and for all” Action-thrillers would probably be my jam if I had gotten into acting 😅 https://www.instagram.com/p/Cl8UPpoOBVp/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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Adventuring is in my blood… https://www.instagram.com/p/ClQEFohLzQ-/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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& vice versa. https://www.instagram.com/p/ClMk_5gSHYO/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[hopeisstillalive]

The lengths I’d go through just to be around your presence again. Cool and calming, like an ocean breeze. #ocean #sunsets #sunsetcliffs #sunsetcliffssandiego https://www.instagram.com/p/ClIWGuSLacG/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[hopeisstillalive]

Me 😬 what’s even funnier to me is moms don’t get the joke I was making 😂 https://www.instagram.com/p/Ck6asqIPRZI/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[hopeisstillalive]

My goofy looking ass… Knows how to take it through the hole 😏🤣 https://www.instagram.com/p/CkxSET6rgS2/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[hopeisstillalive]

[hopeisstillalive]

Had all these models and people to photograph, yet there my goofy ass was… Relishing in all the antiquities that surrounded me 😅 objects and history fascinate me so much. There’s like… Such a weird beauty that I find in chaos. It brings such liveliness to things… Even if those things have long been gone. Weird traces of energy still linger… I can just feel it in my bones. But that first shot with Eterna film simulation thooo… Got me feelin a certain way 😮‍💨 #photography #fuji #fujifilm #fujifilmx100v #eterna #sepia #oldworld #1950s #nelsonslanding https://www.instagram.com/p/CkpeSiQrmvh/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[hopeisstillalive]

“Y’see, I’ve flown too close to the sun one too many times… But theres a thrill to it, yknow? When the wax would melt, free falling from the sky. What they don’t tell you is that the light can be just as disorienting as the dark. The only reason why I flew so high up to begin with was to see that beautiful dance between the dark and the light. Something about it was so damn mesmerizing…” #thoughts #lately #life #light #dark #fall #icarus #streetphotography #lasvegas #nevada #fremontstreet #fuji #fujifilmx100v https://www.instagram.com/p/Ckh2pviOL0e/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[hopeisstillalive]

I can’t help but be drawn back in to certain places… Not out of falling for familiarity, but more so as a progress check in seeing how far we’ve truly come. Time keeps on slipping, and I could only imagine how much further I’ll be the next time I find myself in a familiar place… #thoughts #lately #life #photography #graffiti #tag #tagging #lasvegas #nevada #sunset #evening #goldenhour #canon #canoneosr6 #35mmf18 #rf35mmf18 (at Wheel of Misfortune) https://www.instagram.com/p/CZrFSzErGda/?utm_medium=tumblr

[hopeisstillalive]

Grow. #thoughts #lately #life #mantra #wordstoliveby https://www.instagram.com/p/CRYKni0HPcW/?utm_medium=tumblr

[hopeisstillalive]

No matter how hard I try…

I’ll just be a nobody to some of these people

I care too much for…

[hopeisstillalive]

Being young...

I’ve come to realize how malleable our morals can be. I’ve beaten myself to the ground so many times with a decision that made me go against one moral that I set upon myself. I’ve also come to realize now... That that’s okay. I was young, and that decision was a necessary action in my own growth and development.

And one last realization that I really need to instill in myself... Is that we can’t save everyone, but you know... So long as we made the efforts, and gave it our absolute best... Then that’s all that really matters.

[hopeisstillalive]

What’s the issue at hand?

-Well... Looking deeply enough within myself, I’d say... Relevancy to my own existence. When I was with the last person I was with... I just felt... That much more validation in my own existence. So much so... That despite the volatility and vitriol of that relationship, I clung on to her for dear life... Often times being warped by this girl who I had truly believed loved and cared for me. I feared so much in losing something that I had never cared so deeply for. Although quite some time has passed, I still hurt. Why do people claim such significant things... About you, a future, dreams, etc... Only to fall back on them? Why even make such big claims in the first place, yknow? It frustrates me to no fucking end, especially when it comes to individuals you think so highly of. Individuals who’ve opened their hearts to you, just to slam the door shut and leave you in the cold. I just don’t get it.

A part of the self relevancy might be in due to my childhood as well too. As a child... I did feel alone and lost in the world. It sucked... A lot. Why am I this way, why don’t I have a normal family setting, what the hell exactly was my purpose in being brought into this existence? The questions went on and on and on, as early as I can remember. I had no one to really turn to for these matters, and the shitty part is... Despite having the greatest of friends and family for moral support, this emptiness of trying to fill that void of self validation and relevancy is something I feel I’ll always have to grapple with. Knowing my circumstances and upbringings... I would never want to put that on any child, let alone my own. I feel if things had taken course with this person I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with... History may have simply just repeat itself due to the inconsistency and hesitation that hung so heavily within this girls heart. This notion gives me a bit more solace, and I do hope whoever she may be with now in having a family that it’s something she can be actually resolute with.

[hopeisstillalive]

[hopeisstillalive]