Hi guys there are few genius people out in the world who have put BTS tracks, which are not available on spotify, on podcast. These includes Sea, most of JKs covers, etc
summary àŒ.° when you and jungkook show up to your much anticipated graduation trip and realise neither of you had the guts to tell your friends about your recent break up, thereâs only one thing you can do to keep the trip from falling apart: pretend. but somewhere between fake kisses and real feelings, you start to wonder if letting go was ever the right choice at all.
pairing⊠jeon jungkook x f!reader
genre/warnings⊠exes to lovers, fake dating, idiots to lovers, mutual pining, a LOT of angst, fluff, (eventual) explicit sexual content, swearing, alcohol consumption, ft. seokjin, namjoon, hoseok, jimin, taehyung, yoongi + four female ocs, other chapter specific tags
kim namjoon fics that need to be injected into my veins
long time no see lovelies! this list has been in my drafts for so long so i thought why not release it into the world finally. as always if u enjoyed any of these recs pls support the authors other members
âș ghostin him by - @adonis-koo
summary: life is nothing more than dull colors for you, your world shattered and laying in the shards of what once was rather than focusing on what is. That is until you meet Kim Namjoon, who is immediately taken by you without realizing youâre a girl with a whole lot of baggage, through tears and many sleepless nights youâre faced with a choice of hanging on with bleeding hands, or accepting what is, and letting go.
âș half a heart by - @jamaisjoons
summary: you and namjoon have always been the best of friends; who just happen to be in love and are refusing to do anything about it.
âș song of the sea by - @jamaisjoons
summary: captivated by the sight of you, he canât help but watch you swim around his home. and when you turn to leave, he doesnât know what overcomes him - but as if spellbound - he finds himself following you back to land.
âș prohibido by @personasintro
summary: namjoon is an art himself. Shame that heâs forbidden - heâs your brotherâs best friend. And your colleague.
âș hammer it home by @gukslut
summary: âthe FBI doesnât care about your porn preferences.â
âș give me love by @hueseok
summary: youâve been in a relationship with your boyfriend for over five years now, yet the talk of marriage has never been initiated between the two of you. of course, you try to somehow squeeze it in from time to time, but it seems like no matter what, namjoon just wonât take the hint.
âș emotions of the soul by @oddinary4bts
summary: when Namjoon reappears in your life after thirteen years of absence, you find yourself unsure of what he means to you, and of what you mean to him. Anxiety reigns over you, but will it be enough to drag you away from Kim Namjoon?
âș bloom by @hobidreams
summary: family is who you kill for. Who you die for. In this society, you and your kin are shadows, clinging to the darkness to obey orders absolute. But when such orders command you to abandon what little honor remains for wealth and notoriety, you find yourself lost in lonely uncertainty about the only vocation youâve ever known. That is, until you meet a man with gentle hands, a poetâs heart, and a love for coaxing the world into bloom.
âș how i love you by @ahundredtimesover
summary: sometimes distance isnât a space between two people, but cracks and crevices that build up over time. Itâs what you learned after being married to Namjoon all these years. But all it takes is a trip back home and the acknowledgement of what your relationship has become, and the realization that it might be the final puncture that would make everything else break.
âș new parent syndrome by @1kook
summary: you love Namjoon, honest. But you love your daughter Hyejoo even moreâ itâs not a controversial sentiment when you know heâs the same way! âand going back to a regular adult life sans kids absolutely sucks. (Or so you thought.)
âș the interpretation of dreams by @ppersonna
summary: heâs the man of your dreams, the an youâve spent over 6 years pining over. and heâs also your Ph.D. mentor and in charge of your very future.
âș the sleeping hours by @effortandmore
summary: namjoon thinks there must be infinite versions of the universe, and in every one heâs known, heâs meant to love you.
in which youâve always had a hopeless crush on your brotherâs best friend, Jungkook, whoâs made it painfully clear he doesnât feel the sameâuntil a family vacation forces buried emotions to the surface.
CONTAINS: brotherâs best friend troop, angst & fluff ! age gap, arguments, jungkook is an ass with reader, just a kiss...
NOTE: iâll upload part 2 later⊠someday!! this work is not revised and english is not my first language :)
part 1, part 2.
The salty breeze of Busanâs coastline always carried the scent of the ocean and the faint cries of seagulls circling above. The city was alive with contrasts: the bustling fish markets that lined the shore and the quiet charm of the winding streets that climbed up the hills.
For Jungkook, Busan had always been home. The neighbourhood where he grew up wasnât particularly special, but it was familiarâa place where kids spent endless summers playing soccer at the nearby park. Thatâs where he first met Minho.
Minho, your older brother, was the kind of boy everyone gravitated towards. He was a social butterfly while Jungkook was a shy eight-year-old, reluctant to join in but unable to resist Minhoâs easygoing charisma.
âYouâre on my team, Jeon,â Minho had declared one afternoon, tossing a worn-out soccer ball to Jungkook without waiting for a response.
From that day on, the two were inseparable. They shared everything: snacks bought from corner stores, secrets whispered during sleepovers, and dreams about what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Thatâs how you came into the picture.
You were Minhoâs little sister, always tagging along, much to Jungkookâs annoyance. You were the sunshine to Minhoâs confident energy, with an eternal optimism that made everyone crack a smile. But to him, you were just Minhoâs sisterâsomeone to tolerate because you came with the package.
Instead, over the years, your bubbly nature and obvious admiration for Jungkook became harder for him to ignore. You lingered on the sidelines of their soccer matches, offering water bottles and clapping too enthusiastically when he scored a goal. You laughed at his jokes even when they werenât funny and gave him small, thoughtful gifts on his birthdayâthings like handmade keychains or little notes tucked into envelopes.
And while Minho teased you endlessly about your obvious crush, Jungkookâs reaction was always more severe. He hated itânot because he didnât like you, but because he didnât know how to like you. That made everything infinitely more complicated.
So, he did what he thought was best: he pushed you away.
NINE YEARS AGOâŠ
The evening had the magic that only Busan nights could conjure: warm, salty air and the soft glow of lanterns strung along the bustling street-side restaurant.
Your family and the Jeons had planned this dinner weeks ago, a casual gathering to catch up and enjoy good food before Jungkook left for another training session in Seoul.
âIâm moving to Seoul,â he announced some years ago at your familyâs barbecue, his tone casual, as if he hadnât just shattered your world.
Your heart sank.
âFor what?â your brother asked, genuinely curious.
Jungkookâs lips curled into the smallest of smiles. âTo be a trainee. BigHit is giving me a shot.â
You froze, the words hitting you harder than you expected. He hadnât told you. He hadnât even hinted at it. That night, you cried alone in your room. You felt betrayed: that was your only dream since childhood. Eventually he left Busan to become a trainee, which had made you wonder if youâll ever have an opportunity in the industry.
The long, wooden table was nestled under a canopy of fairy lights, with plates of grilled fish, spicy tteokbokki, and steaming bowls of jjigae scattered across its surface. You sat beside Jungkook, not by choice but because the seating arrangement had worked out that way. Your mother was chatting animatedly with Mrs. Jeon, and your brother Minho was in a heated debate with Jungkookâs older brother about which soccer team was superior.
You couldnât focus. Not with Jungkook so close, his presence filling the air between you. He was dressed casually in a black hoodie and jeans, his dark hair slightly messy from the seaside breeze. He was scrolling through his phone, barely acknowledging you, but you could feel the heat radiating from his shoulder whenever it brushed yours.
As the clock neared midnight, the temperature dropped. You rubbed your arms, the thin pink cardigan youâd worn doing little to ward off the chill. You tried to focus on the conversation, but your shivering gave you away.
âAre you cold?â your mom asked from across the table, concern in her eyes.
âIâm fine,â you lied quickly, forcing a smile.
But you werenât fine, and Jungkook noticed your trembling.
Later, when the two families were chatting, you hesitated for a moment and then glanced at him. âCan I⊠borrow your hoodie?â you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.
He blinked, clearly caught off guard. âWhat?â
âYour hoodie,â you repeated, trying to sound casual. âIâm freezing here.â
He stared at you for a second longer than necessary, his lips pressing into a thin line. Then, without a word, he pulled the hoodie over his head, his black t-shirt riding up slightly to reveal a toned stomach. You quickly looked away, heat rushing to your cheeks.
âHere,â he muttered, holding it out to you.
You slipped it on, the fabric warm and smelling faintly of his cologneâa mix of citrus and vanilla. It was far too big on you, the sleeves hanging past your fingertips, but it was comforting nonetheless.
âThanks,â you said softly, stealing a glance at him.
He shrugged, his expression unreadable. âItâs just a hoodie.â
But as the night went on, you noticed little things. How he subtly shifted closer when the breeze picked up. How his knee brushed against yours under the table, and he didnât pull away. How, when he thought no one was looking, his gaze lingered on you a second too long.
And maybe, just maybe, it wasnât just a hoodie after all.
That dinner had stirred something in you. Maybe it was the way Jungkook had handed you his hoodie without hesitation or the bubble gum scent on it. Whatever it was, the feelings swirling inside you.
SEVEN YEARS AGOâŠ
It all started at one of Minhoâs infamous parties. The room was crowded, music pumping, and you tried your best to enjoy yourself but the thought of being there just because you were Minho's sister made you cringe. That was until you saw Jungkook laughing in the corner with his friends. He had got back from Seoul a few days ago because his company gave him some free days.
Your chest tightened as you saw him. It was impossible to ignore how Jungkookâs carefree laughter carried across the room, pulling you into a spiral of softness. You retreated to the kitchen, determined to drown your emotions in a cup of punch. Thatâs where Juwon found you, one of your brother's friends.
"Stop pouting," he teased, ruffling your hair. "Whatâs wrong, kid?"
You shrink at the thought of being called a "kid". "Iâm not a kid," you snapped, pulling away. "And nothingâs wrong."
Juwon didnât believe you, but before he could pry further, Jungkook walked in. His sharp jawline, dark eyes, and smirk made your heart skip a beat.
"Juwon-ah," Jungkook greeted casually before his gaze flicked to you. "Whatâs with the long face? Did someone steal your crayons?"
Your jaw tightened, and Juwon chuckled. "Sheâs sulking about something. Probably got dumped." You glared at him, but Jungkookâs smirk only widened.
"Dumped?" Jungkook tilted his head mockingly. "Youâd have to date someone for that to happen, kid."
That was the last straw.
"Stop, Iâm not a kid!" you snapped, slamming your cup onto the counter. "Iâm not some little girl you can just mock whenever you feel like it, Jungkook!"
The room went silent, tension crackling between you. Jungkookâs smirk faltered, replaced by something unreadable. Juwon shifted uncomfortably, sensing heâd made a mistake by staying.
"Alright..." Juwon muttered. "Iâm leaving you two to... whatever this is." When he left, Jungkook leaned against the counter, his eyes narrowing as he studied you.
"Youâre really something, arenât you?" he said, his voice low. "Always so desperate to prove yourself. What are you trying to prove this time? That youâre all grown up?"
You felt the sting of his words but refused to back down.
His jaw tightened, and for a moment, you thought he might actually apologize. Instead, he muttered, "Youâre too young to understand."
"Stop using that excuse!" you shot back. "Iâm not a kid anymore, and you donât get to decide how I feel!" The argument hung in the air like a storm ready to break. Jungkook opened his mouth to respond but closed it again, his expression darkened immediately. He went closer to you, his height suddenly making the space between you feel even smaller.
âAre you kidding right now?â he asked, his tone cold. Your noses were almost touching.
Your heart sank and you closed your eyes. âI⊠I just want to be serious with you. For once.â
âSerious?â His voice rose, sharp and cutting. âKid, you'll never be.â
The words hit you like a slap. You blinked rapidly, trying to process the sudden shift in his demeanour.
âI donât need this,â he continued, his frustration spilling out. âI donât need you trying to play house or whatever weird crush youâve got going on. Stop wasting your time on me. Youâre just a little kid.â
Your chest tightened the sting of his words bringing tears to your eyes.
âIâm sorry,â you whispered, your voice trembling. The cup you were holding was long forgotten.
"Youâre... impossible, stubborn, and way too good for someone like me." Your breath hitched as his hand brushed against yours.
"Kook..."
He pulled back suddenly, as if afraid of what might happen next. "We canât," he muttered, more to himself than to you. But before he could walk away, you grabbed his wrist.
"Youâre an idiot," you said, tears pricking your eyes. "But if you walk away now, youâre proving me right."
Jungkook froze, his expression conflicted. Then, in one swift motion, he closed the distance between you, his lips crashing onto yours. He began to kiss you, gently biting on your lower lip trying to make you open your mouth. Youâve never, in your whole life thought Jungkook would be kissing you.
The kiss was messy, desperate, and everything youâd imagined it would be.
One hand on your waist gripping you tightly as his other hand is gently holding the side of your face. His hands are constantly roaming over your body, rubbing circles into your hip with his thumb.
Jungkook began to press kisses along the length of your neck, stopping just above your jawline.
âThat feels nice,â you blushed.
He chuckled as he leant in towards you, brushing his hand against your cheek. When he pulled away, his forehead rested against yours, his voice shaky.
Once again, his eyes travelled to your lips but before he could kiss you he turned quickly, rushing back into the living room before you broke down completely. It was better for you to stop caring about him now than to keep chasing something he couldnât give you.
Or so he thought. That was the first time Jeon Jungkook kissed you and the first time he made you cry.
That night, sitting alone in your room with tear-streaked cheeks and a heart that felt both shattered and strangely free, you made a decision: it was time to focus on yourself.
Becoming an idol had always been your dream. You remembered the exact moment you decided this was what you wantedâa moment of clarity during a school talent show when the cheers of the crowd and the spotlight on you felt like home.
But dreaming of something and pursuing it were two entirely different things.
When you told your family you wanted to audition, they smiled indulgently, thinking it was a phase. Your brother, ever protective, had scoffed, telling you to "be realistic." Jungkook, who was still part of your life, had smirked and asked, "Do you even know how hard life my is?"
And he was right.
Auditioning for agencies was gruelling. There were days when you faced rejection after rejection, each one feeling like a crack in the foundation of your confidence. Youâd wake up at 5 a.m. for practice sessions, juggling school, part-time jobs, and long hours of singing and dancing in a cramped studio. Every week, you had to convince yourself to keep going when everything in you screamed to quit.
The hardest part, though, wasnât the physical exhaustionâit was the emotional toll.
Friendships began to slip away, you missed birthdays, family dinners, and countless moments that made your hometown feel like home. Moving to Seoul for training was bittersweet. You were chasing your dream, but it felt like leaving behind pieces of yourself.
Training wasnât glamorous, either. There were days when your trainers yelled at you for missing a note or a beat, and youâd spend nights in the dorm crying into your pillow, wondering if youâd ever be good enough. Some trainees around you gave up, packing their bags and leaving without a word. But you stayed because deep down, you knew this was what you were meant to do.
And then, one day, after years of relentless hard work, you got a call from BigHit. You had been selected to debut. You and the four other girls youâd grown close to over endless practice hours were going to be idols.
But with debuting it came him.
Jungkook had debuted first, of course, with BTS. And every time you crossed paths at the company, at award shows or music programs, he made it clear he wasnât thrilled about it.
It was a surreal moment as you and your groupâMimi, Sky, Nari, and Yunjinâstepped into the large studio for the BigHit family photoshoot. The air buzzed with energy as staff members rushed to set up lighting and cameras. You were dressed in coordinating white outfits, your makeup and hair perfected to the last detail, but none of it stopped the nervous flutter in your stomach.
The nerves only intensified when you saw BTS already gathered near the set, their laughter and chatter filling the room. It wasnât the first time youâd seen them; in fact, youâd met the members long before they became global sensations, back when Jungkook was still a trainee.
Taehyung and Jin had always been the most welcoming, making an effort to befriend you during those early, uncertain days of training. You had countless memories of Taehyung showing you silly tricks to lighten your mood and Jin bringing snacks to share after practice sessions. Even now, they greeted you with warm smiles, as if no time had passed at all.
Taehyung waved enthusiastically as you approached. "Look at you! All grown up now."
You laughed, cheeks flushing. "And you havenât changed a bit, Tae."
But the moment your eyes landed on Jungkook, your breath hitched. He stood near the backdrop, hands tucked in his pockets, looking impossibly good in his fitted suit. His gaze met yours briefly, and he gave a small nod, his expression unreadable.
You had seen him a few weeks ago at a family lunch back in Busan, but every encounter still carried a weight you couldnât quite shake.
"Alright, everyone!" The photographer clapped his hands, gathering everyoneâs attention. "Weâre starting with the full group shots. BTS and our newest girl group, together."
Your heart sank. You werenât sure you could survive being this close to Jungkook, especially under the teasing gaze of your members and his.
As the groups began to arrange themselves, chaos ensued. Jin insisted on being in the middle, Taehyung joked about needing his best angle, and your leader, Mimi, declared she wouldnât stand anywhere near Namjoon because he was too tall. Amid the commotion, you somehow ended up right next to Jungkook.
You tried not to panic as you felt his body press against your back in the cramped arrangement. His arm brushed yours, and you swore you could feel the heat radiating off him.
"Y/N," Sky whispered, barely containing her laughter. "Youâre blushing."
"Shut up," you hissed back, but your cheeks betrayed you, turning even redder.
"Look at them," Jimin teased loudly, his voice drawing everyoneâs attention. "Our maknaes! Should we make room for you two?"
"Park Jimin," you groaned, burying your face in your hands.
Sky and Nari joined in, giggling as they exchanged knowing looks with BTSâs members. Even Yoongi couldnât resist chiming in. "Letâs make a maknae photo. Everyone else, move aside!"
The teasing only worsened as the photographer tried to get everyone to focus. Jungkook remained quiet through it all, his expression unreadable, but you were hyper-aware of his proximity.
After what felt like an eternity, he finally spoke.
"Enough," Jungkook said, his voice firm but not harsh. The room fell silent, and all eyes turned to him.
He looked down at you, his expression softening. "Letâs just take the photo, okay?"
You nodded, too flustered to say anything. The teasing subsided after that, and the rest of the shoot went smoothly, though you couldnât stop your heart from racing every time Jungkook shifted beside you.
As the session wrapped up, Taehyung leaned over and whispered in your ear, "He still cares, you know."
You didnât respond, but the lingering warmth of Jungkookâs presence and the memory of his quiet defence stayed with you long after the photoshoot ended.
The photoshoot felt like a blur in your memory, but one moment lingered vividlyâJungkook standing beside you, his quiet presence both overwhelming and grounding. When he had stepped in to silence the teasing, youâd felt a warmth you couldnât explain. It wasnât just his defence but the softness in his eyes, the unspoken understanding that had stayed with you.
Since then, things between you have been⊠complicated. Jungkook was still distant most of the time, his words often cold, but there were cracks in his armour. Small, fleeting moments where his gaze softened or his words carried a hint of something deeper.
Now, backstage at the award show, the weight of his presence pressed on you like a phantom. You hadnât exchanged more than a glance, but his impact lingered, just like it always did.
âOkay, so whoâs the most nervous?â Nari teased, trying to break the tension as your group sat in a quiet corner.
âNot me,â Sky declared, though her knuckles were white around her water bottle.
âWhat about our maknae?â Mimi leaned closer to you. âYouâve been off all morning. Thinking about Jungkook again?â
You groaned, rolling your eyes as the others giggled. âIâm not,â you lied, though the heat rising to your cheeks betrayed you.
âYou totally are,â Yunjin added, poking your side. âHeâs got you all flustered, and he hasnât even spoken to you yet.â
Before you could respond, Taehyung and Jimin appeared, their easy smiles immediately lightening the mood.
âLadies, looking stunning as always,â Taehyung greeted, his tone playful as ever.
Jimin offered his signature kind smile. âNervous? Donât be. Youâll do great.â
Their presence was a welcome distraction, and you couldnât help but laugh when Taehyung dramatically declared, âWeâre here to protect you from Jungkookâs glaring.â
But the laughter was short-lived. Across the room, Jungkook leaned against the wall, his sharp gaze fixed on you. When Jimin ruffled your hair, earning a bright laugh from you, Jungkookâs jaw tightened.
You swallowed the lump in your throat, forcing yourself to focus on the performance ahead. But just as you steadied yourself, he approached the group.
âHey,â Jungkook called softly.
Everyone turned, surprised to see him standing next to you, his expression unreadable but his tone lacking its usual sharpness. He grabbed your wrist and pulled you towards your group's dressing room.
âDonât let me ruin this for you,â he said, his voice so low you could bearly hear him. âYouâre⊠good at this. Just do your thing.â
It wasnât an apology for everything, but it was something.
Your eyes searched his, looking for any trace of malice, but all you found was a flicker of uncertainty. For the first time in what felt like forever, his walls seemed to lower, if only slightly.
âThanks,â you said quietly, unsure of what else to say.
As he walked out, Yunjin sidled up beside you, a knowing grin on her face. âWhat did Jungkook say?â
âNothing important,â you lied, though your heart told a different story.
âSure,â she teased.
The words stayed with you as you stepped onto the stage, ready to perform. Maybe Jungkook wasnât the same boy youâd once known, but beneath the cold exterior, there was still something there. Something worth holding onto.
The night of your groupâs single release party was supposed to be a celebration. The venue buzzed with excitement, filled with industry friends, labelmates, and staff. Your group were the stars of the evening, basking in the glow of your latest success. Youâd worked tirelessly for months, and now, you deserved to let loose.
You flitted around the party, sharing laughs, clinking glasses, and posing for photos with everyone who came to congratulate you. But a familiar tension brewed in your chest, one you tried to ignore as much as you could.
It didnât help when Jungkook and his members arrived.
You didn't expect him to come, even though heâd been the first on your personal list. Yet there he was, standing near the bar in a sleek black outfit, grey jeans and an oversized t-shirt that fitted him nicely. His gaze found yours almost instantly, but he didnât approach. Instead, he stayed rooted in place, sipping his drink and chatting casually with Hoseok.
âBabes,â Sky called, tugging you out of your thoughts. âYou good?â
âYeah,â you lied, forcing a smile. âIâm fine.â
But the truth was, Jungkookâs presence threw you off. The history between youâcomplicated and unresolvedâlingered like an unspoken storm. His quiet indifference always hurt more than it should have.
As the night wore on, you avoided him, focusing instead on celebrating with your group. You danced, laughed, and tried to push him out of your mind. But when you stepped outside for a moment of air, the cool breeze hit you, and so did the realization that heâd followed you.
âCouldnât even last the whole party?â Jungkookâs voice carried a teasing edge, but there was a hesitation in his tone.
You scoffed, not turning to face him. âWhy are you here, Jungkook?â
âTo congratulate you,â he said, stepping closer. âBig night for you and the girls.â
You turned to find him standing a few feet away, hands tucked into his pockets. âFunny,â you muttered. âDidnât think you cared.â
âI care,â Jungkook stepped closer, his gaze searching yours. âYouâve been avoiding me since the meeting in the backstage.â
You laughed bitterly. âAnd youâve been ignoring me for years. Why do you care now?â
His jaw tightened, and for a moment, neither of you spoke. The tension was palpable, years of unresolved feelings bubbling to the surface.
âI donât ignore you, kid.â He said finally, his voice quieter.
âCouldâve fooled me,â you shot back, crossing your arms. âEvery time I try to talk to you, you shut me out. Every time I think weâre okay, you push me away again.â
His gaze dropped to the ground, and for a moment, he looked almost guilty. âItâs not that simple.â
âThen make it simple,â you pressed, the frustration youâd bottled up for so long finally spilling out. âIf you donât want me in your life, just say so. Stop playing this game, Jungkook. Iâm tired.â
His head snapped up, eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that made your breath catch. âKid... I never wanted you out of my life.â
âStop calling me 'kid'â you demanded, your voice breaking. âWhy do you act like I donât matter?â
âYou matter,â he said, stepping closer. âYou matter so much it scares the hell out of me.â
The admission hung in the air, heavy and raw. Your heart pounded as he closed the distance between you, his hand reaching up to brush a strand of hair from your face. You pulled away, tears brimming in your eyes.
âThis doesnât fix anything,â you whispered, your voice shaking.
âI know,â he said, his forehead resting against yours. âBut I donât know how to let you go.â
You stepped back, creating space between you. âYou need to figure it out, Jungkook. Because I canât keep doing this.â
The pain in his eyes mirrored your own, but neither of you said another word. You turned and walked back into the party, leaving him alone in the cold night.
"Let me take you home," he said. His tone was strong, not what you were used to. Still, the ride to your flat was silent, you sitting in the front with Jungkook while faint music played on the radio.
Jungkookâs jaw clenched, his knuckles turning white. âYou think you mean nothing to me?â You could only sob again, unable to answer him mainly because you were ashamed. When the car stopped, he unbuckled his seat belt and murmured that he would walk you to your door.
Jungkook rocked on his heels as he watched the moonlight highlight the tear-stained cheeks of his best friend's sister. He thought you looked beautiful that night even though you had been crying for the last half hour, your hair hadn't been brushed, and you were digging through your purse like crazy.
Although he would never admit it.
"I got them!" You laughed, waving your keys in the air before bumping your nose with the keychain. You paused as you pushed the key into the door, turning to look Jungkook in the eye for the first time since the party.
"Thank you," he didn't want to hear it. After all, you were just his best friendâs sister.
"It's no big deal."
After a moment, you dropped your bag to the floor and wrapped your arms around the boy's waist, your head resting on his chest as he quickly moved his hand and rubbed your back. He whispered, his chin resting on the top of your head.
"Goodnight."
Itâs been two months since the party. When your mom first suggested a getaway, you thought it was the perfect idea to forget Jungkookâs situation. âYouâve been working too hard,â she had said over the phone, her voice tinged with concern. âA little break will do you good. Sunshine, good food, some family timeâitâs exactly what you need.â
Youâd been reluctant at first. The idea of slowing down felt foreign when your life had been moving at a breakneck pace for so long. But your momâs persistenceâand your own exhaustionâeventually won you over.
âWeâve already rented a villa by the beach,â she added, excitement in her tone. âOh, and the Jeons will be joining us. Itâll be like the old days!â
The Jeons. You hadnât heard that name in a while, but the memory of warm summer evenings spent with Jungkookâs family hit you like a wave. Your stomach sank as you considered the possibility of seeing him again.
âDo you mean the whole Jeon family?â you had asked hesitantly, trying to gauge just how much of a challenge this ârelaxingâ trip would be.
âOf course!â your mom said brightly. âItâs been so long since weâve all gotten together.â
You hadnât been able to come up with a convincing excuse to avoid the trip, so you packed your bags, hoping the villa would be big enough to keep a comfortable distance between you and Jungkook.
But the moment you stepped onto the patio of the villa, you knew that hope was futile. He was there, leaning against the railing, staring out at the ocean like he belonged there. And when he turned and saw you, the atmosphere immediately shifted.
His dark eyes narrowed, his lips pressing into a thin line. You felt his gaze move over you briefly before he turned away, as if dismissing you altogether.
Your brotherâs voice broke the tension. âSurprise! Kook managed to clean his schedule.â
You forced a smile, swallowing the lump in your throat. âGreat,â you said, your voice flat.
âHey kid,â he smirked.
âIâm not a kid!â Inside, you wanted to scream for help.
AU Summary: A mobster falls for you, a single mom, after your daughter bumps into him one day. He knows Sweet Pea is your whole world, but maybe you'll let him into your heart and family, too.
AU Warnings: Parenthood, daughter nicknamed Sweet Pea, fluff, slight angst, eventual smut, more warnings to be added.
A/N: I hope you lovelies enjoy this AU! Divider by the talented @saradika-graphics. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
22.k words
synopsis: you get a notification about plane tickets you purchased about a trip you were excited for, only reason you're not excited at the remainder, is because you had planned the trip with your now ex. At the time you never thought you'd be spending December broken up. So, it felt like a great idea. not so much now.
ex!jk x ex!femreader (fem anatomy.)
exes to lovers
use of 'yn'
warnings: angst, fluff, smut: long-distance relationship, exes, second chance, miscommunication, b*tches is awkward, tension, one bed, forced proximity, Jungkook isn't crazy rich but he's got good money, i think he's an accountant, jk has that short ceo hair cut. reader has communication problem, jungkook's freaking green sweater needs it's own fanfic!, think are!you!sure jungkook. protective!jk, there's a creep who approaches reader as jungkook is off skiing, and whilst she's in the sauna(nothing bad happens.), sweet!wants!to!try!jk, jk has issues of not communicating too. they just can't seem to talk. avoiding stuff. teasing. touchy!jk, secret glances. jealousy, reader is very jealous,they're lying to themsleves, jungkook loves to take pictures especially of reader. hot tub jungkook who's looking up at you like you're a goddes. very needy kissing, boob sucking, dirty talking, oral(f!receiving.), handjob, cowgirl, protected!penetration, aftercare. hand kissing. [i don't know what else i need to add, let me know]
as per usual, it was edited but if there are any errors, forgive me.
A/N: this fic is honestly cause of that Jungkook green sweater I've never travelled to please don't come at me if anything is wrong. I very much world built some things. I've given written from top to bottom so don't except a part 2, unless maybe drabble requests. I wrote this in one week and i'm so proud i was able to write 22k words, in that time. though i was supposed to go up on the 25th[shhhhhh]
A/N: i'm still learning how to write smut. so if you think the smut is cringe please don't tell me :) i don't wanna know. unless you want to help me improve it, and you do it kindly, i'd appreciate.
likes, reblog, and all positive asks and comments are always appreciated.
i hope you're happy with this one.
[read under the cut]
You get the notification as you're scrolling through your phone. A remainder of sorts that you had been forgetting something. Cause you had been.
It loomed over you all week. The lingering feeling of remembering what you canât. You hated it. But now that you know itâs source you couldnât feel any worse.
Being the recipient of the message, youâre burdened with having to translate the message. Why do you have to do this? Broken up, having to text him feels like opening a can of worms. But the tickets are non-refundable, and it would be unfair for you to not inform him. You did both pay for them, Jungkook of course paying more because he was just too stubborn to split. he'd actually wanted to pay for the full thing but you were at odds with the idea. he settled eventually.
So, it would be unfair to not tell him. Right? Yes. But you donât want to believe it.
Even if how the hell are you going to remind your ex about the holiday trip you planned thinking youâd be together for; but in turn would celebrate separately. Before the notification of the trip.
To add on, now you have to open your chat. An action you dread to do; for your emotional health.
What are you actually going to say? You think, finger hovering over the keyboard. Something that wonât make you sound like youâve missed him, were thinking about him or even thinking about going on this trip with him. All which youâve been doing. Youâve succumb to the thoughts, only because you two broke up in October, still relatively early to just forget a 3-year relationship with someone you thought youâd marry.
Sigh.
You still havenât answered the question of how youâre even gonna bring it up. Will he even answer?
âshibalâ jimin laughs into the speaker, not helping you one bit. âyou two are ridiculous.â
You roll your eyes still waiting and hoping heâll say something sensible. Itâs all in vain. âHow the hell do you book a trip and break up just before. You couldnât wait?â He laughs and you just know heâs sat at his computer playing games, from his loud and unfocused speech.
âWe didnât freaking know weâd breakup.â You justify. âPlus, cause of the breakup we forgot. I forgot.â Your voice loses its strength at the end of the sentence, your mind slipping into a deep thought.
You havenât been able to remember anything of relevance since that day. Maybe only how to breath and live but youâd say your body takes full credit for that.
âHmm.â is all he says to you before screaming obscenities to someone in his game.
âJimin are you gonna be of any help or wh-â
âYou know what you should do?â
You want to believe his following statement will be of use, but you can never be certain.
âJust send itâ he groans from what you assume is an attack on him. Your brow raises. âSend him a screenshot of the notification. If he doesnât respond go on it on your own.â
âOr take me with youâ he whispers. If it came to it, would you even choose jimin to go with? Probably. Heâd help make it fun.
You sigh, still in the darkest of analysis. Itâs your best option what else could you say. So, you say your goodbye to jimin who is quick to go off to his game, without a second thought. Rude. Talking to him whilst heâs on his game is setting yourself up.
Back to having a staring contest with your phone. And after a long while of panic, thump fidgeting and dry eyes, you click on his contact (yes you still have it.) and just send the screenshot.
As you wait to make sure the picture is sent you catch a glimpse of the last text from your chat. You were avoiding slipping up and seeing it, but your eyes couldnât be helped.
Jungkook was the last to text.
Kookie<3: I miss you call me back.
Seeing the text makes your stomach churn. Makes your head spin with all the memories and emotions returning. You donât want to linger on it. Youâre quick to just sending the screenshot like jimin said, you only hope he doesnât ask too many questions. If he does respond. The little thought in your head surfaces. What if he wants nothing to do with you. What if youâre bothering him? You shouldnât have sent that text. But itâs too late now.
Youâre well aware his message was sent before you had broken up. The only reason you hadnât replied was because you couldnât. On the same day youâd called him back and told him how you didnât think youâd be able to do it anymore.
âMm?â he hums confused. You can hear it in his voice and it only makes you even more nervous to repeat.
âThis long-distance thing isnât working for us jungkook.â You bite you lower lip hoping to hide some of your emotions that threaten to ruin your speech. Your fingers fidget in the silence waiting for his response. But it never comes and for a moment you think heâs cut the call and youâve been talking to yourself. Thatâs when he sighs, showing you, heâs been listening but too shocked to speak.
You calling his full name, no nickname, strains at his heart. âAre you serious?â itâs calm, sad even. Of course heâs sad, youâre breaking up with him. Sad isnât even strong enough to describe what heâs feeling. Shock is just amongst them, maybe even a little anger. Youâve been going through a challenging period because of the difference in cities. But he never thought itâd come to this. Was it that bad?
âYeah.â Itâs weak defeated. You are, your whole relationship is.
Jungkook is awfully silent, heâs not sure why either. âIs there anything I can do?â heâs aware of the only solution available. But itâs not possible. Neither of your work will allow the other to move.
You shake your head like he can see it. but he doesnât need to see what your silence has already said.
After not much thought cause heâs not able to, he speaks. âIs this what you want?â his question only serves to add to your confusion.
âYou know itâs not but- âyou try to speak but the lump in your throat chokes you.
It hurts him that this is happening over a call. Wishes he couldâve spoken about it in person, cause thereâs more to it.
More that you havenât spoken about. Never have, and doubt you ever will or want to.
All this just makes the idea of this trip even more worrying. Thatâs if heâll want to go or even respond. You never got to know what he thought but you assume he has some sort of resentment for the way you ended things. You would too. Thatâs one of the things you feel guilty for.
Youâll say the way things ended was not ideal, and honestly it never made you feel good as you thought it would. It made you feel worse actually. But at least now you donât argue because you donât talk. Who are you kidding, you miss the arguments, something to remind he was there.
Guilt hovers but, you console yourself by saying that he probably wanted it too if he didnât try to fight for it. Which is unfair, but what else can you tell yourself as an excuse.
Your focus is now on your screen. Youâre about to exit the chat, but then those familiar popups of bubbles appear. Already?
The bubbles disappear and appear, which only serves to grow your anxiety. Is he about to rebuke you for texting him. Gosh, what the hell would you say after that? Heâs about to cuss you out. Suddenly your room feels too small to hold you and what youâre feeling.
But what pops up is even more anxiety inducing.
Kookie<3: Iâm in town. We should meet and talk tomorrow.
Why does he sound so professional? Why do you care. Oh- your mind, itâs spinning.
Heâs in town, when? Why didnât he tell you. This would be the first time you see him in a year since he moved. And he couldnât even just tell you he was in town. The reason to him being here is not unknown to you. Itâs the Christmas season and his parents do live in the same city as you. And just like you they were not happy about theyâre son moving so far away. But nothing was stopping jungkook. Nothing.
Youâre probably not important to him anymore but, couldnât he have just said, hi. Iâm in town. How long has he even been here for? You never thought heâd return to the city even for the holidays.
You shake the thoughts out of your head. You canât be over thinking this.
We?......meet?.....talk?.....TOMORROW!             Â
Tomorrow couldnât come any faster (not that you were excited for it.). Itâs almost as though it wants you and jungkook to meet.
You both agreed to meet at one of the small restaurants near your place. One you two frequented together, so it holds so much for you. Which only made you more anxious on your way.
When you walked in your eyes unconsciously moved to the table you and jungkook loved to seat at. It was good distance from the kitchen so your food could reach you quicker, and far from others so that jungkook could lean in and say the nastiest thing on earth. It always made you blush even though youâd swat at him. You spot jungkook sat where he usually sat. Coat taken off and hanged on his chair.
 âHey.â You choke out smiling politely as you reach the table and take off your coat, the inside of the restaurant too warm to be comfortable with it on.
You take a sit and allow your body to get accustomed to the environment. And jungkook.
Heâs quick to respond to your greeting just as awkward.
When youâre settled you finally get a chance to see just how much heâs changed in a year. The warm light from the ceiling softens his features which would normally be sharp in the dim lights of your bedroom. His hair is cut short. Last time you saw him it was neck length, but now itâs significantly short. Makes him look professional, mature. You like it, really like it. you wish you could just reach over and touch it, itâd probably be just as soft as you remember it and smell like lavender. You notice how he has it styled and gelled back so you doubt heâd be happy with you running your hands in it.
Jungkook spent an ungodly amount of time trying to get it to look like this, which he doesnât think is perfect enough, but he was running out of time. Something about this meeting had him wanting to go out. He just hopes you like it. he remembers you last saw it when it was longer. It was a big cut, but after your breakup, he felt like giving up the length, considering your hands loved to live in his hair.
You sit hand in lap waiting for your mouth to catch up with how fast your brain is working. Though if you did speak what your brain was thinking, youâd embarrass yourself.
âWe should order first.â He says rolling up the sleeves of his navy-blue denim shirt. The action reminding of the inks on his arm. A detail that adds to how attractive he is already. Youâre really hating yourself for your thoughts. In your defence you havenât seen him in the flesh for a year. âWhat do you wanna get?â he picks up his menu and you do too, stuttering in your movement. He seems calmer than you right now.
But the only thing is that heâs shitting himself inside. when he was sat before you came, his heart dropped every time he heard the door bells chime. Every time he turned it wasnât you. Only increasing his nervousness. Maybe he was a little to forward with his message. You havenât seen each other in a while and itâd probably be overwhelming, especially with a certain elephant in the room. He wouldâve definitely understood if you didnât want to show. On the chime of the door that followed his thoughts, he didnât turn, only for it to be you. In your full glory, making him fidget with his phone more. Which he put aside immediately you sat down.
Clearing your throat you speak, âsomething soup-y. Todayâs a little cold.â And you donât feel like throwing up what you eat.
Jungkook agrees and his red nose is evidence of that. Cute, you think.
After your orders are taken you turn back to silence. What could you probably say right now? You can feel the distance between you emotionally. And you hate how this is how you are after not seeing each other for a year. Before breaking up you thought of the many ways, youâd hug him once you got to see him. You were definitely delusional over how serious your distance was. Really wanting to believe it wouldnât be a problem; until it became one, and you just couldnât do it anymore.
You donât know how to behave right now.
âSo, when did you get back?â you settle on a soft and casual tone.
âJust yesterday.â He speaks sounding a little hesitant. After not knowing where to look you decide to just look at one thing. The table.
After beats of silence, you continue. Can your food come any faster? âyouâre staying with your parents?â
âYeah.â
You lived together, in your used to be shared apartment before he decided to move. So, his only option was to live with his parents for the mean time. He assumed you wouldnât want or even let him live with you. And it would be fair, you arenât together anymore.
âIâm Sure they were shocked to see how much youâve change.â Cause you are. You havenât seen his parents in the same time that he hasnât seen them.
âIt was a surprise drop in so Iâm sure they wereâ he says with weak chuckle. He bites into his lip before heâs looking at you again, but you donât stare at him. Itâs only when you realize his stare that you finally face him. âHow have you been? You look well.â Heâs dreading himself right now for not being able to speak to someone who has been, for 3 years, the only person he could speak to.
You do look good, and he canât take his mind off it. the camera has not been doing you justice. Your skin looks brighter and you generally are just glowing. Gosh he missed looking at you. The way small dainty jewellery serves to compliment your outfit. Your hair done in a way you like, and he loves.
âI try.â You smile. Every chance you get you take a glace at his lip piercing. Youâd forgotten just how it made him even the more--. âYou look well too. Howâs the job going?â
He sucks in a breath, showing visible stress at the thought of his job. âitâs going okay. Easiest way to put it.â he chuckles, awkwardly. You smile, awkwardly too. âI missed it here though, so much stuff I left behind.â
You just hum, nodding. Avoiding how his eyes glancing over you, just for a second as he was looking for where to keep his gaze whilst speaking.
âBut Iâm sure youâre having fun that side.â That side. He can hear the strength you put on the words. Instead of fiddling on your lap you decide to fold your arms on your chest. Finding it appropriate for the feelings that are sneaking in.
âYou can say that, but thereâs just something that feels empty yâknow.â You do know, but you both choose to leave the conversation implicit.
And right on time, your food arrives saving you from saying anything. What the heck would you say when you canât even think.
You two are soon digging into your food. Jungkook in his kimchi jjigae and you in yours.
âI missed this- mmm.â He hums making that little angry face he makes when he likes food. You laugh, a little to loud at that causing him to look up at you. You drop your smile.
âMrs Kim always asks me about you when I come here.â 6 slices of chopped spring onion garnish you havenât eaten, yet.
He leans back in his chair, unintentionally watching you eat.
He turns his head towards the kitchen where the lady in question usually spends her time. âWhere is she anyways?â heâs back to digging into his food. the steam from the food warming his cold nose.
âsheâs visiting sung Hoon in the US.â You inform him, taking in how relaxed youâve become.
He nods at the info, âAhh- she finally got to got to the US?â he smiles. He remembers how she would come to the table; sheâd complain that her son doesnât want her to visit, which was not the case. But being the dramatic lady she is, she would think that. â âm sure she was so excited.â
âno one could hear the end of it.â
He chuckles and you find yourself laughing too. But as much as youâre seemingly getting comfortable (though not wholly.) silence finds a way to wrap itâs long, cold and slimy finger around you two.
After youâre done eating your meals in silence, jungkook thinks itâs time to discuss the reason youâre even meeting. Cause you have nothing more to talk about.
âwhatâs the plan for the trip?â he shifts in his seat. âAssuming youâd want to go.â He doubts.
You take a deep breath before speaking, looking over at the whole scene of the restaurant. âI donât know, weâd leave on Thursday. Assuming youâd want to go too.â You would want to go, thatâs why you booked the trip. Itâs only your situation that makes it awkward.
âDo you?â his question comes out fast and sudden and he regrets how quick it came out.
âMm?â you mutter like you couldnât hear what he said.
He clarifies choosing to speak more calmly and composed. âDo you want to go?â
The question takes you aback as though you hadnât been asking yourself the same thing.
Reaching to play with the little gem on your necklace you stutter out. âI-I mean- yeah we spent money on it.â you shrug your shoulders as if youâre unconsciously saying otherwise, but really, youâre just trying to keep your statement open. In case he doesnât want to go, and youâre left embarrassed with an extra ticket.
Jungkook instead takes your action as you probably not wanting to go. âI get it if you donât. Itâs a weird situation.â His hands move to touching his hair.
You trying to jump in but end up speaking a little too fast. âNo, I do. Plus, I hate wasting money.â You do hate wasting money, truly. And it is just that and the fact that you would love a trip right now, to de-stress.
âBut do you want to go with me?â that churning feeling in your stomach is returning, and youâve just eaten which makes it all the much better.
Biting down on your lip and releasing it you say, âI mean I wouldnât want to go on my own.â You hate how you feel your throat choking up. âWho else would I go with?â you awkwardly joke. There are some people youâd go with. But you planned this trip with jungkook and he paid the much for the tickets. So, itâs only fair to go with him. If he wants to.
He skips your question, not in bad taste. itâd be weird for you to go on a trip you planned with him with someone else. Maybe he did think of it, that maybe youâd enjoy it more if you werenât with him. But then he thought it through. Shit doesnât have to be awkward unless you both make it. so, you can enjoy this trip if you just agree to enjoy it. âI donât mind going with you, but I donât want you to feel forced to have me there.â
âI have no problem with you, jungkook.â You saying his name even though itâs not the pet name he enjoys feels like a warm touch to him. âI just want to know if you wanna go.â You find it in you to ask.
âI donât mind it at all.â He says, relieving you of your fears.
He sighs. After he silence speaks. âI canât believe I forgot about it. I was so excited for it too.â he reminiscing on the day. It was such a good idea. Is a good idea, if you just agree to enjoy it.
âSo? Itâs settled right?â You sit up grabbing your stuff and preparing to leave. Jungkookâs smile falls realizing that the moment is ending. But he will see you soon still.
âYeah.â He prepares to leave too.
âWe leave Thursday, I guess. Weâll stay in touch.â
And thatâs it, your conversation ends with you managing to avoid the larger topic at hand. Itâs like a game.
You throw your clothes in haphazardly. Youâre in a panic, which is not necessary cause you have enough time, the whole day to be precise. Your flightâs tomorrow. But the whole airport thing has always found a way to make you panic.
You grab some essentials, but in frustration. Maybe you just want to get it over with. The packing, not the trip. Honestly it feels like itâs already started. Is this how youâre going to be.
As you search through your closet you land on a sweater, one you remember too well. Itâs green colour and fluffy soft texture makes it the warmest thing you own. A very memorable sweater, for the warmth it brought you and its origin. You can still smell him on it. You dread packing it and resort to shoving it further in your closet. Youâll think about it.
You stare at your zipped up suitcase for a bit before your eyes gloss over to your phone that buzzes on your bed. For a split second you wonder if itâs jungkook. Could he have changed his mind. you sigh relived when you see itâs just jimin.
Who chooses to say nothing of value and just tease you. âHonestly why do I tell him these things.â You throw your phone on your bed.
Jungkook stands over his already packed suitcase. He just has to zip it closed and seal this trip. He sighs rubbing his lower lip. Before you two broke up he had so much planned for this trip. So much he wanted to say and do. But it's different now and itâd be weird and wrong to say those things. Not before talking of course.
Is he looking forward to this trip? Yes-wait- maybe. The trip in itself is fine, a great and good idea and opportunity to enjoy a holiday and relax. But your presence entails something more something he has to deal with (in a responsible and good way) and that he's been running away from.
 "You're excited huh?" his mother smiles leaning against his door frame, watching. He's not sure what about his facial expression, body language or general demeanour would make her think that he's excited. Itâs not like heâs dreading or regretting it. itâs more like excitement is the last thing heâs feeling cause of all heâs thinking of.
He doesn't say anything before she's speaking again.
"You need this trip. you've been so busy." He has. Too much at that. So much that he forgot you two had even broken up and was about to go to your place first when he arrived. Heâd been so excited to surprise you, then it dawned on him. His tires were quick to turning. His thoughts are cut short by his mother. "it'll help you spend more time with yn."
"I guess." he replies unenthusiastically. Though itâs the same idea theyâre both thinking of it in a different context. Something that his mother doesnât know yet.
He doesn't stare at where she stands only at his suitcase analysing what he's packed and what the heck is actually going on. "Plus, it would be a perfect place to propose." She enthuses, joyous at the thought. He seems to have slightly forgotten about that detail too.
 When you were planning the trip, he made a plan to propose to you on it. It honestly is the perfect place to and he felt like it was the right time. Of course, you'd be arguing but it wasn't something that was holding back your relationship. Plus, he thought you'd talked it out well enough. So, he spent his free time after planning the trip, shopping for rings and looking proposal ideas and even asked some of his colleagues for advice. Itâd be a trip where you got to spend some time after being away for so long.
But that's when you called and honestly kicked him in the balls. Too confused he just went along with it.
"Switzerland is such a good choice, you kids are so good at these things." She says probably imaging herself there too. Itâs not long before his eyes are staring at the black velvet box on his dressing table, and his head is spinning all over again. He knows how excited she gets about this and she wonât stop. âYou could take a walk and then pull out the Ring with those mountains in the back and-"
"Eomma!" His deep voice stops her, not harshly but whiny. Not telling his parents about the breakup is honestly the most overwhelming thing because of how his mother adores you and finds a way to bring you up in every conversation. she could go on but the tired look on her son's face makes her stop. She wants to pry on why he looks more drained that ecstatic but she chooses against it.
âIs something wrong?â
He realizes just how carried away heâs getting with his emotions. He shakes his head. âno. Iâm just stressed.â He finally looks up at her to give a smile that doesnât reach his eyes but she returns.
"Sorry, you know how I get carried away. I'm sure you have your own plan let me not stress you."
She leaves and he sighs
No. He has no plan of his own. He has no plan at all.
Your suitcase handle is firmly clutched into your hand as you walk into the airport.
Your eyes scan the crowd. Every face. Each bag too, because you know which one he'd probably be carrying with him. Seeing it again is gonna be triggering cause the last time you saw it was the last time you saw him off.
You and jungkook agreed to come separately and since his parents lived closer to the airport he'd be here first and wait for you by security. But now that you're there you can't see him. Maybe he's a little late but why wouldn't he tell you.
You told him you had just arrived but he hasn't even seen that message. Has he changed his mind? is the first thing that pops up in your head. If he has that's a shitty way to do it. Just ghost you?
So, you pull out your phone to call him. âPick up." You mutter under your breath.
No answer.
You feel stupid. It honestly feels like you're on a Lifetime show or even worse TLC.
Your annoyance bubbles over as you glance around the busy security area. "Where is he?" you ask yourself.
 Though you think he has, you doubt jungkook would just ghost you. It's not what you know him to be. You tap your foot impatiently and try to call him again. Still nothing. Your heart finally relaxes when you spot him already walking to you. "Seriously?" You say a little upset when he finally reaches. "Why didn't you answer your phone?"
"Oh. I didn't hear it." He says pulling it out of his pocket. "Must be on silent. Iâm sorry." He looks at you genuinely so. And you canât bring yourself to be as mad as you want to be. Itâs not a big deal, heâs here now.
âitâs okay, we should get going, weâre almost late.â You say frustrated with how traffic delayed your arrival. Jungkook just hums agreeing and surprising you by taking you suitcase. Youâd tell him itâs fine and you can manage but heâs already walking ahead of you. Probably not wanting to hear it.
A tense silence stretches between you two as you wait to board your plane. Sitting side by side has never felt so awkward, like the space between you is miles wide. You scroll through your phone, pretending to be so into it. You donât notice Jungkook stealing occasional glances at you. Or rather, at the sweater youâre wearingâthe one he gave you (more like you took.) just before he moved to another town. The green complimenting your skin. He loves how it just melts to fit you. Heâs glad to know that youâre warm, heâs aware of how incredibly warm it is.
He wonders if youâre wearing it deliberately, or if itâs just because itâs the warmest thing you own, and todayâs even colder than yesterday. Probably no meaning behind it. At least, thatâs what he tells himself. Though itâs not enough to stop him from developing a smile on his face, one he covers with his hand.
The low hum of voices and the faint crackle of the airport announcements fill the silence. Someone walks past, dragging a squeaky suitcase, the airport noises the only thing between the two of you.
âI know this is awkward.â He starts randomly, at first doubting he was talking to you but then you move your attention to him, when you realize itâs only you he can be talking to. Itâs not like you were looking at anything on your phone. âI want us to enjoy it. I want you to enjoy it.â
âI want you to enjoy it too.â You find yourself speaking before your brain can process.
He smiles and turns to meet your eyes. All of a sudden, he feels so close. âSo can we just pretend.â His eyes donât move, if possible, they stare even deeper into yours. Yours donât move as well. âPretend like everythingâs okay.â He speaks low as if he doesnât want others around to hear. âAgree?â
You havenât said much, instead just let him speak. âAgreed.â
You donât mind pretending. Youâve been pretending youâre okay all this time, so why canât you do it now.
-
You watch Jungkook sliding the bags into the overhead storage above your seats. He notices you approaching and nods for you to have the window seat.
âYou sure?â you ask only because he called dibs when you planned the trip that heâd be getting the window seat.
He nods. âYeah. I know you like it more than I do.â You do. He only called dibs because he was trying to âone upâ you like everythingâs a game.
You squeeze passed him get comfortable in your seat and heâs soon sitting next to you. Youâre glad itâs just two seats.
You sit in silence for most of the flight, each pretending to be too absorbed in your own activities to notice the other. Jungkook watches you out of the corner of his eye as you scroll through your phone, then switch to reading a book. This trip canât be that bad, you tell yourself. Of course, you two havenât talked about your breakup, but it doesnât have to come up. Youâll just enjoy the weekend and go back to normal, like he saidâpretend---if either of you even knows what that means.
What are the boundaries of pretending.
At some point, you shift in your seat, leaning against him, your head resting on his shoulder. Youâre asleep, of course, but Jungkook glances down at you, momentarily startled. He considers waking you but decides against it. Instead, he leans back slightly, letting you stay there.
As the plane hums softly and moves through the sky, Jungkook canât help but wonder if this trip could be his chance to fix things. How does he want it to happen? Does he even know? All he knows it that you do eventually have to talk about things. Do you even want to talk about it, because you seem to be avoiding it.
But thereâs only so much avoiding you can do.
As soon as the plane lands, you stretch in your seat, surprised you managed to sleep for that long. Glancing at Jungkook, you watch as he pulls the luggage from the overhead bin. He looks like he didnât get any sleep at all, you had been sleeping on his shoulder for most of the time. You exchange a brief lookâjust acknowledging each other and your present momentâbefore heading off the plane
The crisp Swiss air hits you as you step outside the terminal, and you follow Jungkook as he gets into a cab and it drives confidently toward a car rental area, which youâre confused about but donât ask. Jungkook picks up keys from the reception and you walk through the parkin lot looking for what you donât know. Youâre just following. You stare at him puzzled as he dangles the keys. Heâs been quiet, and you hadnât even expected to rent a car. Public transport seemed like the plan, but now that you think about it, you remember how Jungkook feels about it.
âYou rented a car?â you raise a brow.
He nods, âyeah, itâd be easier. Thought youâd approve.â
He catches a glance of your face, like youâre trying to figure something out, but canât.
âHmm.â You only hum.
âYou look cute when youâre confusedâ. He takes you by surprise. âCome on.â He says walking and not letting you process his words. You just try to shake them out of your head.
You donât admit it, but you're impressed. He thought ahead. And youâre honestly glad he didâsomething you feel heâs been lacking the past year.
Once heâs done packing the luggage into the car, he closes the trunk and slides into the driverâs seat. Youâre not sure why youâre shocked to find out itâs a Mercedes-benz g63 amg. Youâd always known he had an obsession with luxury cars, especially ones like this. The fact that his job pays so well certainly helps, you guess moving out of town mustâve been worth it.
The car is great-- so comfortable, and the heater works perfectly, keeping you warm against the cold.
As Jungkook adjusts the mirrors, you scroll through your contacts, trying to figure out what to call the person you booked the cabin with, âwhat do I call them a host?â You mutter under your breath before dialling the number.
Jungkook glances at you as you speak to the host in quick tones. "Got it, thanks," you say, giving a quick wave of your phone toward Jungkook. With the directions noted you can now get to moving.
"Okay, so we head north, then take-â
âNorth?" Jungkook interrupts, starting the engine. "Are you sure it's not west or whatever?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.
You glare at him. He glances at one map and thinks he knows his way around Switzerland.
"I just talked to the guy," you say flatly.
Jungkook smirks, recalling a past trip. "Remember last time we travelled, and we ended up on a dead-end street?" he says with a cheeky smile on his face. heâs teasing you.
You roll your eyes at the memory. You had been driving through the outskirts, and your GPS got wonky, causing you to go down a deserted road.
âIf youâd listened to me, we wouldnât have gotten lost,â you reply.
You stop bickering, finally following the GPS. Jungkook decides to follow the directions, and the tension eases as you leave the city behind.
The atmosphere shifts, replaced by a sense of awe at the breathtaking scenery. Low-capped mountains stretch into the horizon, Swiss chalets dot the landscape, and the sun reflects off the lakes. Youâre glad you arrived during the day; cause nighttime would not have done the view justice.
You watch out the window, your voice filled with awe. "Oh my gosh, it's so beautiful." Jungkook glances at your direction before returning his attention to the road. "Yeah, it is," he agrees, equally mesmerized by the view.î
"Can you grab my camera from the back?" he askes. Recalling his passion for photography, you canât be surprised he has it with him.
You pull out the camera from his bag, noticing itâs larger and more expensive looking than the one you had gifted him. "Do you still have your other one?" youâre curious.
He knows what youâre hinting to. "It fell in water during a fishing trip with my team, but I'm getting it fixed."
âDo you still have the pictures.â Youâd hate to lose them, even though they are null and void now, you still like how happy you looked in them.
âYeah. Theyâre in my SD.â He informs you and youâre glad.
You fumble with the new camera, struggling to operate its buttons, he notices. "There's a button just there," he directs. Though you arenât much of a photographer, you manage to snap some decent shots of the scene. You take a lot to make sure you have options.
Feeling playful, you turn the camera to jungkook and snap a pic of him. You had always admired his model-like features and often joked he should pursue modelling instead of his current path, which kept him 218 miles away. But now you realize modelling would only take him even farther.
He never agreed to the idea but never argued either. He preferred to appreciate beauty rather than be the centre of attention.
"Did you just take a picture of me?" he asks, a hint of surprise in his voice.
"Yeah, just one," you reply.
He doesnât respond, leaving you to wonder what heâs thinking. Is he upset? Did you cross a pretending line?
"Wanna stop and take pictures," he grins, "yâknow for your Instagram."
Itâs not a bad idea, but you donât want to be late and have the host waiting for too long.
"We won't be long." he looks over to see if youâre considering. He smiles when sees that you are. You don't post much on Instagram, and he knows that. But it wouldn't hurt to have some pictures from this trip.
"Let's be quick," you accept.
He pulls over to the side of the road and when youâre out heâs approaching you to take the camera. "Let me take some of you first," you insist. He isnât so keen on it though.
"Just a few," you whine dodging him trying to take it from your hands.
"We're supposed to be quick." He reminds you. "And you know I'm not a fan of pictures of me."
 You not wanting to bicker. You hand it over to him. "But I will take pictures of you eventually," itâs a promise.
You quickly get posing on a spot you like, and he snaps several pictures. Some you were prepared for, while others were candid of you looking up a bird flying over, like youâve never seen a bird before. or just in awe of the scene behind. Why do the birds seem so majestic here?
Jungkook smiles as he continues to take photos, forgetting the time. "I think that's enough. We're going to be late," you say, running out of poses to do.
You start walking to the car and he snaps one more picture of the scene before getting back and starting the car. Whilst adjusting to the warmth he hands you the camera.
"These are so pretty," you bulge your eyes out at how good jungkook is at taking pictures. You can definitely see the difference. Jungkook canât help but feel a sense of pride. You scroll through the camera, admiring more pictures.
Then you scroll a little too far and notice a series of photos featuring a friendâsomeone he seems to be close to. In one, she leans on his shoulder, a gesture that causes some type of discomfort or irritation. You couldnât be sure, youâre too busy scrolling. She smiles too hard, you judge.
gosh you're pathetic. Why are you acting like this. The man is not your boyfriend he can do whatever. The statement causes an unwanted sour taste to form over your taste buds.
You continue to scroll, analysing the photos, each one deepening your insecurities.
"Careful, you're gonna damage the buttons," Jungkook jokes when he notices your rushed movement. He wonders what has you that way.
When he speaks, youâre brought back to reality. Though youâre brought back with an attitude. You switch off the device and lay it back where you found it, sitting back down with a scowl on your face and jungkook wonders the cause.
You had been fine just a moment ago. He doesnât say anything and focuses fully on the road ahead. The silent drive to the cabin feels anything but aesthetic.
You sigh as the car slows, leaving behind the snow-covered path. When you approach the cabin, itâs instantly recognizable from the photo. At least you werenât lost or scammed. The place looks serene. Itâs blanketed in snow. Itâs not like those huge family ones. Itâs small just to fit you and jungkook. Youâd have no money to buy anything or activities if you booked those larger ones. And theyâre unnecessary cause itâs just the two of you.
Jungkook parks the car, and as you both step out, the awkwardness thatâs shadowed the trip returns. It had been there from the beginning, lingering beneath exchanges and strained silences. Brief moments, like taking pictures earlier, had been relieving, but even that had soured quickly. Now, neither of you had much to say.
The cabinâs host, a kind older man with a thick Swiss accent, greets you warmly, showing you around the cozy interior and pointing out the back patio before leaving. Once alone, you both quietly bring in the luggage. The silence is deafening, broken only by the crunch of snow you step on.
Due to your irritation that some how still lingered you step a little too hard on the icy ground, and in an instant, your foot slips. You land awkwardly in a mix of snow and dirt, the impact cushioned but still hurting.
âAre you okay?â Jungkook calls, his voice tinged with concern and amusement. Heâd drop the luggage to come check on you if you hadnât brushed him away with your hand.
Still irritated, now cause of the fall, you dust yourself off and move yourself inside. You drop the luggage in bedroom and start taking off your sweater, only to have Jungkook walk in moments later.
âOne bed,â he states, looking at the large, centred piece of furniture. âLooks comfy.â You seem to have forgotten the cabin was loverâs themed, so it did only have one bed. The host had asked you if it was a problem when he saw the look on your face but you just brushed it away at you being tired.
You glance at the bed, then at him. âYeah. Guess youâll have to take the couch,â you joke, though your tone comes out flatter than intended.
âNope.â He flops onto the bed, which creaks under his weight, making him pause to check if itâs broken. When it holds, he relaxes. âIâm sleeping right here.â
You sigh, deciding itâs not worth arguing. Youâve shared a bed beforeâit shouldnât be a big deal so many times at that. But those times are not now and you have to deal with your new circumstance.
âIâm gonna take a shower,â you announce, expecting him to leave the room. Instead, he sprawls comfortably on the bed.
âKnock yourself out,â he replies casually.
Groaning, you grab your toiletries and head to the bathroom. The hot water feels like a gift, relaxing your tense muscles. If only the whole trip could feel this peaceful.
When you return, Jungkook is gone, though his shoes by the door confirm he hasnât gone far. You search through your suitcase for a sweater, only to realize you packed just one sweaterâthe one now wet and dirty. Frustration bubbles as you grab a thin, long-sleeved shirt. Itâll have to do, though you doubt itâll keep you warm in tomorrowâs outdoor activities.
Meanwhile, Jungkook in the kitchen has immersed himself in exploring the layout of it. whilst on his expedition his attention drifts to a tiny blue bird minding its business outside the window. He leans into it but carefully not to scare it away. Thankfully it doesnât seem to find him a bother. âGot any advice for me?â he murmurs, taking a peek behind him. The bird doesnât react, oblivious to his internal conflict. Heâs unsureâabout you, about himself, about what this trip is supposed to accomplish.
When you enter the kitchen and done talking to his new friend who doesnât present him with anything viable but his company, heâs quick to point out the lack of groceries. âWe should go shopping. Itâs on your itinerary, right?â he teases lightly.
You nod, unsurprised he remembers. Youâd always been the planner, the one who thought of everything. Maybe thatâs why the breakup hurt so muchâit came so suddenly, leaving no time to plan how to feel or move on.
As heâs about to suggest leaving immediately, he notices you rubbing your arms. âArenât you cold?â he asks, gesturing to your thin shirt.
âIâm fine,â you reply dismissively, though you clearly arenât.
âPut on a sweater before you get sick,â he insists. His boyfriend instincts linger, even now.
You hesitate but eventually admit, âI forgot to pack an extra one.â The way how stares at you is so embarrassing for you.
Jungkook chuckles softly, though not unkindly. âOf course you did.â You roll your eyes. He moves to grab a sweater from his suitcase and hands it to you. âHere. Borrow this.â
You take it, the faint scent of his cologne that seems to be on everything he wears no matter how much he washes, invaded your senses. âThanks,â you say quietly, slipping it on and hoping not to ruin this one too.
By the time you return from the store, exhaustion settles in. You both sit in the living room, cups of hot cocoa in hand. Jungkook flips through the channels while you sit quietly, the warmth of his sweater and the fire calming you.
âYouâve made a lot of friends in Jeju,â you say suddenly, your tone sharper than intended.
Jungkook pauses, confused. âWhat friends?â
âColleagues, maybe? Customers? I saw the pictures on your camera,â you admit, staring into your cup instead of at him.
He leans back, waiting. He knows what youâre referring to and could explain that the woman in the photos was a client a little too excited and touchy about her wedding rehearsal photos, and had wanted photos with him. But he wants you to ask.
Instead, the silence stretches, filled with unspoken questionsâquestions about Jeju, the photos, the breakup, and even yourself. You sigh, pushing them aside.
âis there something you wanna ask?â
âThereâs nothing I want to ask,â you finally say, though the bitterness in your voice betrays the truth.
Jungkook laughs softly, shaking his head. âI thought we agreed on pretending.â His voice is still soft.
âI know. Just donât want you pretending if youâve got other things going on.â
Jungkook chuckles taking a sip of his cocoa.â Iâm good.â
âIâm good too.â
âGood.â
You watch him stand a sly smirk adoring his face. âletâs go back to pretending now, okay?â he says looking at you.
You mumble a sure and he walks off. Probably to sleep.
Sleeping the same bed is even more awkward. After spending some minutes youâd decide you were too tired to be awake, you came the bedroom.
Jungkook was still awake staring at his phone, and for some reason shirtless. He likes to sleep shirtless and the tension between you two isnât going to stop him.
Jungkook tries to keep his eyes to himself as you change into your pajamas. You didnât want to be childish so you just changed right there. Itâs nothing heâs never seen before. He wonât act like the action doesnât cause a rise in memories and he holds himself to not thinking further. Soon youâre crawling into your side and laying facing away from him. Jungkook chooses to lie on his back, the bed big enough for you to keep your distance. He turns off the lights but your eyes remain open staring into the dark.
As the night continues, none of you are able to fall asleep. Jungkook tries to make himself comfortable, his shifting cause you to think he might be moving closer, but he doesnât. why do you feel sad. Your brain is used to being close to him and him holding you in situations like this. And he too is used to wrapping his arms around you and pulling you closer into him. But thereâs none of that.
âI canât fucking sleep.â he groans frustratedly sitting up. He runs his hands in his hair. He looks over at you thinking youâre asleep, the darkness preventing him from actually knowing. Heâs jealous at the idea of you being able to sleep, but when your frustrated voice sounds, heâs relieved. Relieved that heâs not the only not able to sleep.
âSame.â You mutter remaining on your side.
Jungkook huffs and puffs contemplating on asking what heâd been debating. Your bodies are probably used to sleeping closer to each other, so maybe thatâsâ why itâs hard. You surely wonât mind if it means you get to sleep right?
He looks over to you and how far you seem from. He doesnât like, hates the reality of it. âCan I sleep closer to you.â His words and the fact that he actually said takes you aback. You freeze. Your silence is killing him, he shouldnât have said it. he should take it back, wellâbut heâs already sai-
âOkay.â Okay? Well, that was easy, he thought youâd be looking at him weird. but no, you just lay on your side waiting for him.
When he said closer you never thought he meant this close. Youâre the closest you can be. But you donât mind it, it actually brings you that giddy feeling, like itâs your first time cuddling. You realize just how much you missed it. He nuzzles his face in your neck and this is when heâd kiss your shoulder and neck but he doesnât and the detail is gravely missed. He has to hold himself from not doing it.
âWeâre going to move to the middle of the bed, darling.â Itâs only then that you realize how much at the edge you were. You shuffle yourselves and move into the center and get comfortable in the position.
âAre you comfortable?â
So much you hate to say it. You canât even bring yourself to be angry. ây-yeah.â You can barely respond coherently with how his voice is so close sending goosebumps all over you.
âCan I put my around you? Itâs the only place I can put it.â he tries to explain, but you were actually hoping for it.
You nod for him to go ahead and he wraps his arm around you. Honestly, he shouldâve just asked if he could cuddle you, because this is basically what youâre doing. He didnât have to mask it; youâd have said yes either way. He doesnât know that though.
Now that youâre close to him and him to you, you both weirdly fall asleep, very quickly at that.
First thing on your itinerary was to visit the Lindt home of chocolate youâd been drooling at the thought of it since you planned this trip. It would honestly be a crime to visit Switzerland and not visit the Lindt factory. Being a lover of chocolate no activity on your list will be as good as this.
âI donât know why they have us putting our bags away.â Jungkook whines taking off his jacket, as required and placing it in a locker. âHow am I supposed to carry my chocolate.â His speech is almost childlike. You just chuckle.
 â Thatâs why they do it.â You inform him, with a soft smile and start to walk ahead of him. Jungkook walks behind you, watching how you look around with wonder.
Did he mention how good he feels right now. The sleep he had last night was the best heâs had in a while. And it only serves to tell him how much heâs missed your presence. Just you as a whole. Being away from you for so long has had an effect on him too. Itâs only now, that heâs not able to do all the things he used to do, that he realizes how much heâs missed it. And how much you mean to him.
âOh my gosh.â Jungkook watches how you take in the aroma of chocolate. It invades his senses and when youâre turning around to check on him, heâs nodding. You want him to enjoy this just as you are.
You gasp and itâs when you spot the huge chocolate fountain that you pull Jungkookâs attention to it by his arm. âitâs so fucking huge.â You say still holding onto him.
âthatâs what she said.â
You roll your eyes. âGrow up.â You both laugh. and itâs when youâre lost in laughter and admiring the fountain that jungkook looks down to see you still holding his arm. So, in a swift action of no thought, all instinct he moves to hold your hand.
Your head sharply moves to look at him then at his hand holding yours and then back up at him. Heâs got this innocent smile on his face and you canât help but warm up into his hold. You donât mind the action of holding hands but you fear what it implies. Is he for real or still pretending?
For the first minutes you stay holding hands, until jungkook is pulling away to grab his camera. You rub you hands together to try and regain your sense of independence. What the heck are you doing, holding hands? This pretending thing Is a good idea, but itâs definitely messing with you in some way. All ways. Heâs giving you things that youâve been craving. The cuddle at night, the holding hands, youâve missed it all. But you donât know where itâs coming from, does he miss you too or is he pretending. To think of it you never really discussed what type of pretending youâre doing. Are you pretending to still be together or are you pretending to be good friends. Gosh this is so stressful. And confusing. You wonder if heâs stressing like you are. He seems calm. Heâs handling this so well.
âWaitâI need a picture of you. Stand still.â He points the camera to you and youâre quick to turning your head away.
âitâs fine you donât need to-â snap.
He doesnât give you the time to object and just snaps. âJungkook stop taking pictures of me.â He doesnât. youâre embarrassed to be doing this in public. But he seems thrilled. âOkay wait-â he doesnât so you choose to reaching for the Lense. But jungkook doesnât mind filling his storage with pictures of your palm. âKook, wait.â
âKook?â he questions smiling. You realize your mistake. Honestly you didnât mean to call him that, it just came out naturally for you to get him to stop. And it worked. Though now it shifts the air.
You groan. âI didnât mean it like that.â You roll your eyes. You donât even know what youâre saying.
He doesnât linger on it more, which honestly helps your case. The blush on your face is deserving of a picture. Snap.
âStop that before I revoke your privileges.â You threaten. He doesnât want that.
He raises his hands in surrender. âwonât do it again.â
You ignore him and turn to keep walking.
âCan take more later though?â
You donât answer, but he takes it as a yes. Youâve always been his muse, itâs not gonna stop now. His camara is now getting some action.
This place is actually so beautiful, smells amazing too. The pictures you saw did not do it justice.
âLook at the strawberries, the nuts. AhâIâm in heaven.â
Jungkook smiles as he watches enjoy and pointing for him to look at the large container, of everything that goes well with chocolate. Heâs really just happy that youâre including him, by telling him how much you freaking love this place or how you want to stay here forever. It makes him feel like things arenât all that bad between the two of you and it can be fixed.
âWhy are you looking at me like that.â You narrow your eyes at him. Gosh he forgot how long he was looking for. Youâd been telling him something but he zoned out.
âOh-nothing.â He clears his throat.
You just brush it off, cause if you linger on it, youâll melt. Jungkook looking at you has been a weakness for you, thereâs just something about him focusing on you and having only you in sight. âAnyway, I was saying try this.â
He doesnât regain his consciousness before youâre bringing a spoon full of chocolate to his lips. he takes it, tasting the sweetness of it.
He licks the chocolate off his lips when you pull away. âMmmâŠ.so good.â You nod glad that he likes it. Though way heâs looking at you makes you think he might not be talking about the chocolate. You choose to ignore your thoughts with a cough.
As you go on you learn facts about chocolate and the factory and jungkook takes the pictures. When walking around you make sure to not forget to collect little pieces of chocolate from the dispensers. And itâs not long before your hands are getting full.
When your expedition is over, youâre returning to your bags to stuff them with your treasure.
âThis is a lot of chocolate.â Jungkook states.
You shake your head. âitâs not that much.â
âYeah of course an addict is telling me that.â
You gasp. âIâm not an addict.â
âTell that to all the money Iâve spent buying you chocolate.â Money which it didnât mind and loved spending.
âHonestly thatâs all on you.â You say raising your hands. He chuckles.
âHow do I take this home with me?â you say motioning to your drink.
âJust stay.â He meant to say you both could just stay, but his tongue tripped.
You nod, thinking about it. âI could.â Moving to Switzerland and living here would be a dream. But unfortunately, things arenât that easy. Finding a job would be hard, plus the language barrier would kill you.
âdonât.â heâs almost pleading. âI donât know how Iâd tell your family I lost you to Switzerland.â More like he doesnât know how heâd fix things.
âHonestly itâs no competition.â You say in deep thought and analysis.
âWhat? you would leave me for Switzerland?â He says it not realizing causing you to chuckle. And when you look at him, he gets it.
The conversation doesnât go farther after that. Jungkook just stays in his thought. When jungkook had made the decision to move. He honestly thought it wouldnât be that bad. Heâd plan on maybe moving you out to him when he settled down, but your job was a very hot topic. At the time he hadnât realized how serious it was. But now he does.
If it was you moving, heâd be just as hurt. And it pissing him off that he hadnât realize the impact.
For your second and last activity for the day, cause of the way time just flies by; is the largest indoor flea market.
You spend your time there; just looking around, eating, and buying stuff. During your move you make it a mission to take pictures of jungkook. And you do manage to take some good ones.
He also finds an opportunity to ask about your work and how itâs going. And if that co-worker that bothers you is still around. Heâs glad to learn that she did get moved to another department. Heâs happy with whatever makes you comfortable.
As youâre talking, youâre approached by a couple, older but not old and tourists as well. They ask you to take a picture of them and jungkook is glad to assist. When heâs done, theyâre happy and offer to take a picture of you too, jungkook wants to decline the offer assuming you wouldnât want to but youâre quick to accepting.
âyou two look so lovely together.â The lady says and you have no clue what to say apart form an awkward thank you. You wouldnât blame them for thinking youâre a couple, not with the way jungkook is smiling at the picture.
âGrow up kook.â
âWhat?â he whines. âItâs a good photo.â
You roll your eyes before walking away. He follows behind you, smiling.
-----
Soon your day on paper comes to an end and youâre returning to the cabin.
You did not know what to expect of your day in the morning. Your night was okay but would the rest of the day go the same? those were some of your thoughts. But to your pleasure the day went well, great even. You just hope itâs the same for the rest of the trip.
Jungkook is on cocoa duty (not assigned but he took the responsibility.) and youâd be lying if you said he didnât do a good job at it every time.
Leaning against the counter holding your mug and watching him finishes up with his own, you watch.
âHowâd you like the Lindt factory?â
He takes a sip before answering. âGreat. Honestly enjoyed it more than I thought.â
âWhat? You donât trust my judgement?â you watch as he leans on the counter opposite from you.
âitâs not that. Just never thought I was that big of a chocolate fan.â
You hum. Silence fills the kitchen as youâre just enjoying the drink. Why does the air feel so thick, is it the way he just leans there. Pajamas not doing a very good job at hiding his physique. Why the hell does he look buffer. Gosh, his arms look like theyâd lift and lay you to your demise. In the morning you caught a glimpse of his shirtless torso, and you were about to lose your cool. To add gasoline to the fire he had just stepped out the shower and had not completely dried. Geez, if it wasnât for your ability to leave the room, you donât know what you wouldâve done or said.
Jungkook has always had a keen eye for your little frustrated looks, the way you donât blink, the way you wrap your hands around yourself or how you cross your legs. He knows. Itâs the details heâs aware of. No one knows you like he does.
âI like this sweater on you.â He says pointing to the green sweater youâd just gotten back from the dry cleaners.
You look down at it. âBecause itâs yours?â you raise a brow as you take a sip of your cocoa.
He shakes his head looking your body up. âno. because you look good in it.â Heâs biting his lip, then his playing with that little lip ring. Yn, hold yourself.
You choke out a chuckle. âJungkook.â Itâs a warning for him. But he doesnât take it.
âWhat? Itâs not my fault you look good in all my clothes.â gosh youâre gonna die choking on this liquid. âMakes me want to just hand over my closet to you.â Heâs coming closer to you, gosh what the fuck, he approaches but itâs the sink youâre standing in front he wants. You move. He rinses his mug, tired of the drink.
âWell, that wonât be necessary.â you say sliding away from his towering figure. Just to catch your breath, cause youâve been holding it. Jungkook laughs at the movement. Just after, youâre rinsing your cup and placing it in the cupboard. Youâre not gonna die choking on cocoa, or jungkook as a matter of fact.
âThink Iâm going to bed.â You state thinking the bedroom will be your only place of solace away from him.
âMe too. Iâm getting sleepy.â
Youâre stiff as he walks behind you. You hope youâll be able to sleep on your own tonight. Cause if jungkook just as much as touches you, youâll turn into a puddle.
Youâre quick to moving to your side and facing away from him as to not see him taking of his shirt. You know because you hear it drop.
âGoodnight.â He says turning off the light.
With all your might you mumble a goodnight to him too.
Tonight, you manage to fall asleep without cuddling. You sleep back-to-back close enough to feel the heat radiating off the other.
Jungkook wanted, so badly to go skiing after seeing an advertisement for it and saw some people do it on your way to the cabin. Youâre not one for these intense sports but since he went with you to the Lindt factory, you thought itâd only be fair to go as well. Just accompany him.
Though his wonât be sweet and rewarding.
âYou wanna go with me?â he asks teasingly and you shake your head, as soon as you process his words.â come on.â He whines.
âIâll just cheer you on from down here.â The process of skiing looks terrifying. What do you mean you had to go on those zip line things, and slide down. Not you. Nope.
âitâs not that bad. Youâll be with me.â
Though it sounds comforting it doesnât change anything. âIâll just stay here looking around and taking pictures for you.â You smile hoping it convinces him.
He chuckles, his bunny smile on show for you.â baby what are you so scared of?â the pet name comes out smoothly, catching you by surprise. But it does seat itself in and warm your heart.
âitâs just scary.â You wrap your arms around your body.
He sighs watching you closely. âFine, but can we do something as exciting, later.â He stares at you scattering your brain for what he could be referring to. âLike ice skating.â Ohâhe was thinking ice skating. Last night has your mind in a whirlwind.
âThat sounds better.â Jungkook laughs cause itâs basically the same thing, but he wonât get into it.
âOkay then.â He says walking to the register. âweâll do that later.â Itâs a promise.
Jungkook is off skiing and youâre sat in doors, still able to watch the outside activities, landscape and events thought the large window. You donât mind not going skiing, itâs not like it was on your list.
While youâre sat you decide itâd be a good time to call jimin and let him in on your trip so far.
âitâs not as awkward, anymore. It was at first. But then we just agreed to just enjoy the trip for the sake of our money.â
âThe sake of your money?â he mocks.
You choke out a laugh. âYes, for the money.â Is it? âheâs been nice and all. Itâs actually not bad.â Jimin hums as he listens, this time at least you have his attention.
Youâve shockingly enjoyed the trip more than you thought, so far. If you just keep on, the whole trip could go well and youâd be back to your normal lives. You hate the sickness you feel at the thought. The trip will end, it is gonna end and youâll be back to what you were before. Gosh.
âSounds like the trip is going a little too well.â
You scoff. âitâs not that, weâre both just chill.â
âNo fucking or kissing.â
You gasp and look around like someone couldâve heard that, but your phone is to your ear. âjimin! Oh my gosh.â The thought of it has you blushing still.
You go on talking but soon you have to end the call. Immediately you cut the call and stuff your phone in your pocket a figure sits next to you. Male, not jungkook. You pay no mind to him. youâre on a public bench anyone can sit next to you. Heâs just in his own business. Is what you think until heâs reaching over to talk to you.
âExciting isnât it.â when he speaks you catch his foreign accent, not Swiss. Must be a tourist like you.
You awkwardly furrow your brows. âHuh?â
âSkiing.â He points.
Then it clicks that thatâs what heâs talking about.
âI presume.â You say modestly. Why the heck is he talking to you.
âPresume? Havenât you gone?â
âno.â You shake your head chuckling. âitâs not for me.â
âYou canât say that. You havenât even tried.â You internally roll your eyes. Why does he seem to care so much. âPlus, why come to Switzerland in the winter and not try skiing.â
You donât know why you carry on this conversation, but you feel like justifying yourself. âHonestly I just came for the Lindt factory.â You say shamelessly causing the stranger to laugh. he doesnât seem like a weirdo or creep, but you can never know. Heâs probably not talking to you out of pure interest. So, you try to keep your distance.
âyouâve been?â
âYeah. Yesterday.â
He hums sound interested and you know this conversation isnât ending anytime soon. âHow was it?â
You scoff internally. âIt was fun. Would recommend youâll love it.â You donât even know him; how would you know heâd like it. And to be fair youâd add that Jungkookâs presence made the place more exciting to be at. You assume he doesnât have a jungkook. Speaking of jungkook, how long is he going to be? You shouldâve just gone out on a walk instead.
He nods. âWell maybe you can show me.â You pause, okay now youâre starting to get uncomfortable. âIâm sorry I donât mean it like that. Itâs just that I came alone and it would be nice to have someone show me around.â He justifies but it doesnât make you any more comfortable. âIâd pay for your ticket if thatâs the issue.â
You chuckle. âIâm a tourist to, thereâs not much I can show you.â
âI mean youâve visited the Lindt, so you know more than me.â Gosh heâs so adamant.
You smile awkwardly wishing jungkook would just pop up.
âyouâd be better off going with someone else.â Youâre looking around as if youâve lost something. The man catches on to the action.
âAm I making you uncomfortable.â Yes. very.
âNo-â before you can finish your lie of a statement, Jungkookâs interrupts, voice anything but kind.
âYes, you are.â He says firmly, body not open for discussion.
The guy turns to look at you, then jungkook, then back at you. âDo you know him?â
Hesitantly you respond. âyeahâ you debate on what to say. âHeâs a friend.â He is isnât he?
Friend? Jungkook chuckles internally. âExcuse us.â He spits out to the man.
The guy is taken aback, but just stands. âIâm sorry if I made you uncomfortable.â You just nod and give him an awkward smile as he walks away.
You sigh relieved that heâs gone.
 You and jungkook share a glance before heâs sitting down.
âFriend?â Jungkook asks when he sits next to you.
You raise a brow. âWhat? you wanted me to lie?â
âLie?â he says even stronger. You donât know what heâs pointing to right now.
âAre you parrot?â You chuckle trying to get smart with him.
Jungkook scoffs at how you avoid his eyes. âYou couldnât have said I was your boyfriend.â
âBut youâre not.â You spit out a little quickly.
When you turn to look at him you catch how his jaw clenches. And if you werenât arguing right now, youâd think itâs the hottest thing. âBut you couldâve just lied so he leaves you alone. Now heâs probably going to try to approach you again.â
âheâs not going to.â You say naively.
Jungkook is getting frustrated with this, a little more than he should. âI know guys like that, heâs going wait for a time when Iâm not around and attack.â
âAttack?â you laugh at his word choice. Your laughter only serves to his anger. âYouâre being dramaticâ
âIâm not being dramatic, Iâm being seriousâ his statement comes out a little strong and louder than youâd like
âdonât yell.â You warn him and he apologizes. âI get you feel like you need to protect me, but relax.â
He laughs at the way you think. You thinking heâs feeling like he needs to, no, he needs to. He wants to.
âI donât feel like, I need to, I want to.â
You donât say anything, he knows heâs got you, what more could you say. Thereâs nothing. Jungkook is the protective type, has always been. Heâs shown you that many times in your relationship. And then, it made sense but now you feel like he shouldnât have to bother himself with it. Youâre not his responsibility anymore. âWe should get ready to go for lunch.â you stand walking away.
Jungkook follows after you, knowing youâre now gonna give him attitude. Your folded arms are evidence of that. Heâd normally just kiss the attitude away but for obvious reason he canât.
-
âyouâre not gonna ask how skiing was?â He tries really hard to open the air for conversation. He hates it when you argue. So, he tries to everything he can to lighten the air.
You stare down at your food. Your eyes not meeting him once. âHow was it?â you donât even sound interested which you hate because you are. You love to hear jungkook talk about things he loves.
âIt was great.â He explains not into going into much detail like he wanted to. Your energy demoralizes him. âIâm sure theyâre still open if you still want to try. He suggests but youâre quick to shaking your head.
When heâs about to say something, heâs getting interrupted. Itâs a girl, the one he met when skiing. She showed him around some routes since sheâs a local.
âYn, this is Lena. I met her whilst skiing.â He says introducing you. âLena this is yn, my friend.â
Fuck now you know how bad it stings.
âHey yn. How are you liking you trip so far?â she asks politely in an accent.
You stare her up, taking in her features. She looks about your age, and gorgeous. Why is your body so rigid. Speak. âUmm- hi-Iâm liking it well enough. Thanks.â you can hear how stiff and awkward your speech is. Gosh yn she hasnât done anything to you, chill. Smile.
Jungkook breaks into your awkward encounter. âIâm gonna be seeing you at the ice rink, right?â
He says and she smiles a little too hard. You roll your eyes. What does he mean heâs gonna see her there. Is the a you and him trip anymore? Your food doesnât look as appetizing anymore. âYeah. Iâm there often during the holidays.â
The way her voice rings in your head is jarring. Make it stop.
Soon your prayers are answered and sheâs leaving. Though unlike her your heavy heart stays.
Jungkook turns to you, still staring at her route of exit. âYou, okay?â your eyes return.
You shift your eyes to your hands. âYeah, Iâm just tired.â You stand from the table choosing to leave. âI think Iâm gonna stop by the cabin.â
Jungkook is confused. But he just takes you as you are.
âSure, let me get-â he threatens to stand.
âno. Iâll just take a train.â
He sits down. If you want to be alone itâs best if he lets you be.
When you get to the cabin, all alone. You find yourself falling into deep thought.
The pretend play you and jungkook are playing is good for you to enjoy the trip, but you wonât deny how much it only covers your true feelings. You play pretend and feel all these feelings as though youâre still together and then the trip ends and youâre sucked into being apart. And itâs him leaving all over again.
Youâre getting sick of it. Thereâs only so much pretending you can do.
Jungkook: ice skating later today?
He wants to be sure you havenât changed your mind.
Not matter your emotions you still want to enjoy the trip.
You: sure. Meet you there.
When you make it to the ice rink, your mood is still tense from lunch, which is your fault for holding on to the emotions for so long. To only sour your mood more, you spot jungkook talking to the Lena girl from lunch.
You roll your eyes and watch how she giggles a little too hard at something he says. Jungkook is a funny guy, but she shouldnât be laughing, whatever heâs said canât be that funny. This is so irritating. Why the hell is she even here.
When jungkook spots you, he has on a huge grin, but the sour look on your face has him dropping it. He thought maybe you wouldnât be still upset by now. But heâs wrong. âYn youâre here.â He says it like he wasnât expecting you and you werenât meant to be here, or thatâs how you hear it.
âWe made plans, didnât we?â your tone is nothing more than flat and irritated.
âWe did.â He turns. âYou remember Lena?â He turns to point at her, like you canât see her. Whyâs she looking at you.
Oh, could you forget her. âI do.â You jeer.
âHi.â she with her perfect smile. Youâd liked to punch it inâyour of courseâyouâd never actually so it.
âHey.â It comes out awkward and strained. Wanting to get things over with you turn to jungkook immediately. âwhatâre we doing now?â             Â
âUm. Weâll have to get the skates.â He turns to Lena for some type of consultation, you scoff.
 âYeah, this way.â she says turning to lead the way.
Jungkook turns to you, your folded arms the first thing he sees. He stands next to you. âYou get here okay?â you didnât arrive together which means you had to take public transport, which he knows you donât mind but he just wants to check on you.
âYeah.â You mutter before walking ahead of him. Do you even know where youâre going?
You want to enjoy it, but the emotions that are ahead of you block you from doing so completely. And of course, Lena is a pro at skating.
Jungkook is fairly good, for someone whoâs just taken it up. Youâd attribute that to his quick learner personality.
You on the other hand are struggling, and itâs pissing you off. You hold on to the half wall and glide. Thereâs a good amount of people around and honestly, itâs embarrassing. -like- there are even small kids better at it than you. Itâd be better if you just stopped. There are probably other activities you could do. Ice skating (or skiing) is not the end all be all of Switzerland.
Jungkook would probably enjoy skating more with Lena, seeing that they skied together earlier. You question why jungkook even ever liked you in the first place. Youâre not cool like Lena or even as adventurous, you do try but you donât feel itâs enough. Heâs better off with someone like her. Itâs good you broke up so that he can be free to do whatever. The thought stabs at your heart.
Jungkook spots you from where he is walking out. The look on your face anything but happy. Heâs swift to skating to you, making sure not to bump into anymore with how fast heâs moving. âWhere you going?â
His concerned and soft voice only intensifies your frustration. Could he not see how irritated and bad at this you are. He was probably too busy to notice. Heâs always busy.
 âYou havenât even travelled the while ring.â He chuckles awkwardly as you step off. He follows.
âI donât know, Iâm just not feeling it.â You donât even dare look at him, because you know if you do your frustration will win and youâll end up yelling or crying. And both are too embarrassing to do in public.
Jungkook scoffs. Jungkook canât tell whatâs going on with you but itâs definitely disturbing your ability to enjoy anything. He wants you to enjoy. But whatâs irritating him is how you donât want to communicate what youâre feeling to him. Heâs always made himself a safe space for you to open up. But you never take it. Ever since he m0ved youâve been distant, physically and emotionally. Itâs frustrating cause all he wants is to be close to you in all ways. âYou were not feeling skiing and now youâre not feeling this?â
Is he blaming you for not enjoying this? Itâs not your fault you feel this way. You donât even want to be feeling like this. You do want to enjoy skating, gosh you want to, so bad. But thereâs just so much youâre holding on too that pretending canât solve.
âJungkook Iâm not any good at this.â You gesture around eyes starting to sting when you watch how other people have fun while you argue. âYou just go have fun with your Leni or Lena whatever.â You act like you arenât sure of her name.
Itâs the way you say it, the force and strain in the word. The way you look to the crowd in a jittering stare looking for her that letâs jungkook know what this is all about. Did it come off like that? Sheâs just a girl he met whilst skiing, he honestly never thought that far. Never thought youâd be thinking of it.
âIs this because of her?â he questions eyebrows furrowed trying to look at your face thatâs staring down. Why the hell are this shoe laces so hard to untie. you just want to cut them off, but youâd probably have to pay for damages. Shit
Your frustration is replaced with another type of embarrassment, when jungkook is on his knee to replace his hands with yours to help you take the laces off. You just want the ground to swallow you right now. Unlike you Jungkookâs calmness is able to take the laces off. He tries to help you into your other shoes but you just brush him off. He moves.
Standing up and looking at you he asks. Voice calm like usual. âIs it?â youâd even forgotten his previous question. Do you have to answer him?
âI donât know how it would be when you two are off to the other side of the ring. Iâve barely talked to her.â Thatâs exactly the problem why the heck do you feel like this when you havenât gotten to know the girl. You barely know her intentions.
âIt is.â
You groan rolling your eyes. âIf you want help skating, I can help you. Iâm sorry that I got carried away.â Itâs probably one of the things youâre mad about. He just fucking left you like you didnât make plans to come here together. Yeah, maybe your attitude made the distance between you, but he should know how to deal with it by now. Gosh youâve been together for a good 3 years. He should know how you are.
And he does. Thatâs why he insists youâre acting like this cause of Lena. well, sheâs probably just a catalyst and thereâs something deeper that you two have to address.
You stand looking up at him, but heâs towering figure doesnât make you as intimidating as you want to feel. âYou donât have to be sorry about anything, why? Cause you always know what youâre doing.â
âYou know itâd be better if you just said it directly.â Whatever it is, because he wants to know. You want to walk past him but his hand around your wrist stops you. You look at it then at him. Heâs not smiling, but not mad. Just concerned.
âI donât--Iâm not saying anything.â You snatch it form his grip and he lets you.
Jungkookâs face scrunches up in frustration. âThatâs what you always say, then pull shit like this.â
You pause and stare at right in his--round eyes that are now, siren. âShit like what?â
âThis. Your fucking attitude.â He almost loses his tone but remembers that youâre in public, which is so fucking embarrassing. âYou never want to talk about things.â He looks around for any watching eyes.
You just glare at him. Maybe you donât like expressing yourself to him anymore. Youâve noticed it too. It had been hard for you to express yourself to him over a call, and sometimes shitty network. There had been days where you wanted to cry on his shoulders but only had the screen to rely on, so guess what you did. Nothing. You didnât cry, you didnât tell him anything. Youâd just cry on your pillow after the call ends. âMaybe I donât cause I know you wonât listen.â
Thatâs a hit to his ego. To him as a person.
âThatâs bullshit and you know it. I always listen to you.â The blank look on your face has him questioning himself. âof course, Iâm not perfect.â
You chuckle bitterly.
âJust go off to your little girlfriend.â And there it is, a confirmation of what he already knew.
You start walking to the entrance. And he follows. Shoes on. Heâs not going to be able to skate with the heaviness in his heart. Heâd end up sinking into the ice, which doesnât sound so bad right now. âCome on.â He swiftly moves to standing Infront of you. He blocks you from moving and you just give up and just decide to look at his jaw, not wanting to look directly at him. Which was not a good idea, cause of how he clenches it. You look up into his eyes. âyouâre jealous?â
âWho?â heâs a parrot and now youâre an owl, he wants to say but finds it inappropriate for your mood.
âYou are so jealous.â
âIâm no-â
âdonât lie to me.â You try to push at his chest for him to move out of your way, but your plan backfires giving him leeway to hold your hand firmly to his chest. Hard as a rock even through heâs sweater. âTell me why youâre jealous.â
Instead of answering him directly you try to change the topic. You swear you can feel his heart beat through his sweater.
âDonât act like I couldnât see you jealous too when that guy approached me.â You try to one-up.
âI was jealous.â His confession has you wanting you dig a hole and hide yourself. Itâs so easy for him to say, you werenât even enjoying your conversation with that guy. âDifference with me is that I can say it.â
Shit. Shit. What do you say now. Get angrier, that always works, well not really.
âWhatever. Iâm not jealous.â You look away from him. Are you really doing this in public. Jungkook doesnât look like he gives a fuck right now, he just wants an answer. One which heâs not going to get.
âTell me what youâre so jealous about?â his voice lowers
âHow many times do I have to say Iâm not jealous.â Till you canât deny it anymore, the thought runs through Jungkookâs mind. âJust go have your fun.â You finally decide youâre tired of feeling his heart beat perfectly.
âyouâre so ridiculous yâknow.â He watches you move slight away, anger not faltering one bit. Youâre determined to being upset. âcanât we just talk about this. It seems to be bothering you.â
It is. Itâs fucking gnawing at your heart, your lungs, your mind.
âNothingâs bothering me, Iâm fine.â You breathe in, relaxing and calming down just a bit. âI just donât want to be out there all on my own, while youâre having fun with some else.â Jungkook licks his lip. He doesnât have anything else to say. What he has to say canât be said here or whilst youâre unable to hear.
âIâm going home.â You pass by him and he doesnât bother turning to watch you walk out.
âKorea?â itâs possible for you to want to leave. And the thought causes him to bite down hard on his bottom lip. Cause if you leave on these terms, nothingâs gonna change and heâd never get another chance. Youâd avoid him like the plague.
âNo, the cabin.â You state and heâs relieved. âHave fun.â
âEverything okay?â jungkook is startled by Lenaâs voice who walked around to find him after she noticed he was gone.
âYeah.â You force a smile. âIâll just get going.â He informs her. He already has his stuff so thereâs no need for him to go back inside. âThanks for getting us in, though we didnât even stay long.â
âNo problem. It was fun, wish I got to talk to her.â
âYeah, she isnât normally like that.â Cause you arenât.
âI understand.â
You donât immediately go to the cabin. Instead, you go to the sauna you had been eyeing. It could probably be the only way to relax you. The sweat dripping down will mask the real tears falling down your face. Youâre glad youâre alone right now.
You have your head leaned back thinking about what had just previously happened. The thoughts not wanting to leave you.
You hear the door open but you donât bother looking, youâve got a lot to think about. âhey stranger..â the familiar voice speaks just as shocked. You sharply open your eyes. Wondering if itâs you heâs speaking to but youâre just the two of you in here.
Youâre just the two of you.
âdidnât expect to find you here.â He says setting himself down just in front of you and you looking at him oddly. Do you have bad luck?
âhmmâ you chuckle awkwardly. You make a plan to gradually scoot yourself to the door. Being with him here does make you uncomfortable but you try to stay to enjoy whatâs left of your time. You expect silence but the man doesnât see on the same level. âWent to the Lindt factory like you said. Was honestly the best of everything.â
âIâm glad you liked it.â you say like youâre a worker at the factory or care.
âIt wouldâve been better if you came too.â
You awkwardly chuckle and finally decide to sit up. You came here to think and relax but this guy couldnât be more of a bother. âIâm sure I wouldâve just made it worse.â
He chuckles and smiles your way. A smile you do not reciprocate âI doubt.â
âIs your friend around?â Now you should fucking leave.
âMm?â you ask like you didnât hear. Fucking sirens are blaring. Heâs not giving off Iâm gonna leap at your vibe. Itâs more of his inability to give up that bugs you. âOh- ahh yeah. Heâs gonna be here.â
He turns to look at the door like Jungkookâs about to walk through the door, but he doesnât. gosh you wish he would. âisnât it hard to have male friends like him.â You look at him brows furrowed, confused. You wait for him to elaborate and heâs quick to it. âProtective.â He says.
âhow?â
âmakes it hard for you to live your live and get to know people.â You laugh. itâs not like jungkook has his hands on you and pulling you away from people who want to talk to you. Heâs actually for it but he just has a good discernment of creeps. As you sit here you reflect on his words from before when you initially met the guy. Gosh you should really start listening to jungkook. Makes you realize how right he isâsometimes--
âno.â your tone is sharp that the soft one youâd been giving him.
He shakes his head. He lifts his hands in defence saying, âI think heâs doing too much.â Now youâre getting upset, visibly so, which is not lost to the man. Who the fuck does he thinks he is. Heâs the one doing too much, âIâm not some weirdo, I promise.â He hasnât shown any signs of it yet, but you donât give a fuck and youâre not gonna wait around for him to show it.
âI think youâre doing too much.â You snare abruptly standing up. He can tell the irritation on your face and is about to defend himself but youâre quick to cutting in. youâre not about to have it.
âI donât know how your long your trip is but if you see me around, please donât speak to me.â
âWait.â You donât.
Sauna time done you decide to go back to the cabin, feeling anything but relaxed. Daylight already lost.
Today has honestly knocked you out, as though youâve done anything energy straining. Itâs more of an emotional strain. When you walk in jungkook isnât anywhere to be seen. So, you just assume he never got back. Makes you wonder where the hell he is and why he didnât tell you, but youâre in no place to convict him cause you never informed him of your sauna endeavours as well. Youâre both grown adults and can move around Switzerland without the otherâbutâwhy do you feel entitled to know where he is. You lost those privileges when you broke up and now when you left him at the rink.
Maybe a steamy shower will do what the sauna didnât finish cause of you interruption. After that you decide to end your night early, youâve got nothing to do after all.
you toss and turn in bed, barely able to get a linear sleeping time. Everything just feels so weird and off. Even worse than in the beginning. Itâs all a different type of awkward, which you hate. Jungkook isnât sleeping next to you which prompts you to checking the time.
1:39am your phone tells you.
Where the hell is he, youâre starting to get scared. Youâre not worried about his safety cause jungkook is very capable in that sector, --well unless he got shotâshot? Â Why are thinking of that. Whoâd fucking shot him, let alone in Switzerland. Heâs never been in any trouble with the law or anyone. Youâre getting paranoid, if you donât see jungkook in the flesh, well and not wounded, youâre gonna lose your mind.
Putting on the sweater that has been a staple and carried you through the trip you walk out the bedroom to the open floor living room. you sigh when you donât spot jungkook. You wonât be able to go back to sleep even if you wanted to. Cause you donât feel like it and are losing your mind. As youâre standing in the living room like an anxiety ridden mom waiting for their teenager child at midnight, you hear it. Itâs wood chopping sounds. Harsh and fast. You do have some cabins around you so it could be your neighboursâbut no--the sound is closer to yours, like itâs just outside. So, you curiously walk to the door which would lead you closer to the sound. Maybe you arenât as afraid cause you assume itâs jungkook. And it is.
You relax when you spot his figure well and healthy.
He doesnât notice as you stand watching him. bottom lip chewed down on. Why the hell is he chopping wood at 1 in the morning.
You want to say something. You need to. Maybe apologize about what happened at the rink, you have a fair share in the argument. Since waking up or maybe after the sauna you realized how childish your behaviour was. You ruined the moment. When you couldâve just asked jungkook to help you and he wouldâve been there, hadnât you chosen to give into your irritation. Irritation of seeing him with a woman. There you said it.
His muscles flex as he moves to drop the axe down on the wood.
This is not what you want for you and jungkook. Arguing and not able to talk or share air. Itâs not what you want. Even if things do officially end, youâd want to end it on calm and friendlier terms.
As you watch him you notice how his jaw tightens. Heâs not just chopping wood. You start to worry for him when his movements grow harsher, of the larger chunk of wood.
âWhat did the wood do to you?â you try to be neutral.
He didnât notice you behind him. So, heâs startled by the sound of your voice. Turning to look at you holding yourself in the door way, he chooses to take a break. He got so carried away he forgot he was cutting wood for the fire place and had cut too much. He drops the axe into snow. âDitched me at the ice rink.â He says going to pick up some pieces of wood to bring inside.
Fuck you feel so bad. You stay silent watching him until heâs brought all the wood in and finally closing the door. Which allows for the warmth from the now blazing fire to fill the house. Now in warmer climate, jungkook takes off his large sweater and you drop your arms that were still wrapped around you.
âIâm sorry about that.â You mumble softly. He stands at the sink, you assume to make himself something warm.
âitâs okay, itâs not like I went all the way to stay in touch with some girl so she could get meâus--a good deal at the ice rink. Then I take you there and you ditch the thing entirely.â
You do feel horrible about to, but his tone irritates you causing you to respond as just that. Which you immediately regret.
âI left you with her, werenât you happy with that.â You have an interesting way of saying things that bother you.
Jungkook pauses his actions and stares at you with a seriously confused face. He scoffs. Youâre not making sense. âYou know thatâs not what I wanted.â He returns to his mug. âI wanted to spend it with you.â His voices calms.
Fuck. Uhm what do you say. You should probably say youâre sorry. âIâm sorry.â
Jungkook just listening. He just doesnât understand, he wishes you could just be straight forward. Frustrated and tired of hiding behind a task, he drops the cup to give you, his attention.
âDid I say something wrong?â you stand where you are but jungkook moves. To you. You panic but he doesnât walk closer than a few feet from you. You donât know how youâd handle yourself if he came any closer. At the rink you almost died. âAt the rink?â he clarifies like youâre not fully aware. He just wants to make sure that youâre on the same page. Cause you can think of other times he might have feared heâd said something wrong. Â âI honestly shouldnât even have started talking to her.â He rubs a hand over his face.
Jungkook has never been malicious to you in your friendship before or relationship. Or even now. Heâs been cordial. Heâs the only man whoâs treated so well and calmingly. Of course he has his imperfections, you both do. But it doesnât take from how well heâs treated you. He never crosses a line.
âitâs not even that.â Youâre looking off to the side and holding yourself again,
Gosh, heâs really holding himself right now. He bites his lower lip and clenches his jaw to hold himself back from just walking up to you and making you look him in the eyes. âThen whatâs wrong. Please talk to me.â He pleads.
âI donât know,â you whisper still looking beyond him, your voice is barely audible.
Heâs begging, really for you to just tell him something. âPlease donât say that.â He responds, his tone a mix of frustration and pleading. He steps closer just a few centimetres away, if you unfolded your arms youâd probably bump into his chest.
âI donât-â you start but your voice cuts you off, âitâs the way you-â you arenât able to finish. What are you going to do with yourself. This is embarrassing, you can barely form or organize your thoughts and your mouth can barely move to speak. Youâre not even going to talk about how hard it is for you to look him in the eyes. You just settle with staring at his other supporting features. His hair, his ears (that are red from what you assume is frustrationâitâs not--), his eyebrows and then you skip to look at his nose--
âwas it me talking to that girl?â
âI donât wanna talk about it.â You push away slightly.
âBut we have--you know what--I want to.â He moves to block your action of walking away. You thought you were strong enough. You thought youâd manage to talk about this. But you canât. not when it makes you want to cry. Â âI want to talk about it.â His voice is stern but not harsh. Itâs just strong enough to let you know heâs not letting this go. Itâs funny how something so insignificant can cause you to be in this situation. Forced to express and confront your emotions, the oneâs youâve been running from since the trip began, the oneâs you told yourselves youâd pretend didnât exist. You fooled yourselves by dodging the topic.
Now youâre here. âWhile weâre at it we can talk about why you broke up with me.â Heâs not asking if you can talk about it, heâs telling you it has to be talked about and heâs not gonna let it go by. Not this time.
At his words, all your emotions unite to form a single unit of defence. âme? you agreed too.â You point at him face scowling.
âI only did cause itâs what you wanted, and I didnât want to hold you back.â
You stare confused. âHold me back from what?â what the fuck does he think youâve been doing. You hope he doesnât think youâve been out and about since breaking up, thatâs been the last thing on your mind.
âFrom living the life, you wanted to, without me.â His upset at the thought leading his voice to come out a little passive aggressive.
He does think that, you can see it. âWithout you? I donât want that.â You state. âBut how can I live a life with you when youâre miles away, always busy. And can barely visit.â You just talk. Finally, your gears are moving. But the problem is that so are the tears. âYou moving away is you choosing to live without me too.â You choke on your words a little. âEven I didnât want to tie you to me or hold you back from your dreams thatâs why I tried to li- live with it, but it got so unbearable kook. I couldnât take it. it felt like I was alone. In fact, I was alone.â
Jungkook feels sick hearing that you felt alone.
âYou know I did try.â His voice is soft, moving himself into your circle. You let him. He canât help himself but cup your cheek. The action feels comforting, almost relieving. At least heâs here and youâre not talking over the phone, makes it much easier for you to sink into his touch.
You hold the wrist thatâs caressing your cheek. Gosh you want to keep his touch here forever. âI know thatâs what hurts more you tried but it still wasnât enough. I really did want it to work. I still do.â On your last sentence you look up at him and heâs already staring at you, the thump of his other hand coming swiftly to wipe your stray tears. You sniffle. âCause honestly Iâve missed you kook.â You feel comforted playing with the end of his sweater. Â âSo much. I miss how we were before you moved. When it was easier for us to be together.â your fingers take a journey from the bottom of his sweater to the neck.
Your palms lay flat on his chest and his hands move to softly hold your wrist, not to move you away but you keep there.
âI know we said weâd pretend. A-and I thought I could. But I canât kook.â On cue with his name, you look up at him. âfuck- I never knew how much I hate seeing you talk to otherâ" you canât finish your sentence, but itâs okay cause heâs finished for you in his mind. âIâm sorry for attitude.â
He glides his hands from your wrists down your arms until they are both on your waist. âIâm sorry too.â Heâs pulling you closer, your hands still on his chest, but now for stability. âIâm so sorry I was too distracted for you. You didnât deserve that. You donât serve that.â Heâs caressing your back. âokay?â you have to answer but you can only bring yourself to nodding. All heâs ever wanted was to know. Know what was wrong and how he could fix it.
âIâve missed you too.â He smiles lightly bringing his nose to brush against yours. The action has you tilting your head upwards. His lips itch to touch yours, but they donât they just hover, he still has more to say. And he wants to say it close enough for you to feel it. âIf only you knew how I dreaded every morning and realized you werenât next to me. Every time I just wanted to fly back home.â
âSo, what stopped you.â Youâre looking at his lips. his rosy and moist lips from how hard heâs been biting and licking on that. You wanna do that. You wanna kiss him, wanna be the only biting down on his lips. Â you wanna do a lot of things right now. You wanna run your hands through his hair remind yourself of its texture, you wanna lift that sweater off, that holds his cologne so well, the earthy lavender scent, that crawls its way through your system. You wanna take that sweater off him, --feel, seeâjust how much that gym membership as proved itself valuable. You know you wonât be disappointed, jungkook loves the fucking gym.
âI donât even know. But all I know is that itâs not gonna stop me anymore.â Him nudging his nose closer has you tilting your head to meet his lips. the air between you feels heavy. The feeling pulling your lips to meet. And when the do, itâs fervent. His kiss is urgent but slow, not wanting to be apart from you for a second.
 Your bodies are hooked together as Jungkook is moving you back into a wall. The kiss intensifies when he leans your head back with his hand around your neck. Youâre gripping onto his sweater for support and breathing him in for life.
Jungkook clings onto your lips for life too, even if he needs to breath he doesnât stop. You moaning into his mouth will suffice. He doesnât know where to keep his hands. Should he use them to tilt your head back to deepen the kiss, (if he goes any deeper heâs gonna sink.) whilst he uses the other to pull you leg up by your thighs, his grip surely leaving crescent moons as decorations. He doesnât know what to do with them. For the moment he uses them to pull he sweater over his head. Youâve been clawing at it to come off.
Now shirtless you can feel his skin for what you remember it to be silky-smooth. So delicate that you fear leaving scratch marks on him, but jungkook encourages it, he begs you to do it. Your hands roam his body, first his large back, muscles flexed, then down his firm chest then down to his defined midsection. âWhat am I to do with all this.â You say breathless.
âYou tell me. Itâs all yours.â Your lips are meeting again. Tongues tagging at each other. For some reason the rich, sweet and completely irresistible taste of chocolate lingers on your lips, but he loves it and is drinking it up.
Jungkook finds that his hands are better at gripping your thigh and lifting it to wrap around his waist. His core moves into you and you feel how hard he is against you. Youâre thankful for his thin pajama pants.
Your hands pull at the root of his hair, though itâs shorter you make it work, making him groan into your mouth. You both canât fucking breath at this point, which is the only reason youâre pulling away. Your heavy breaths brushing against each other.
âjungk-â youâre moaning for him to take you to bed but heâs steps ahead of you. Your feet donât have to fret cause heâs lifting you by the thighs to lay you on the edge of the bed.
You lay back on the bed but legs on his shoulder, heâs kneeling between your legs. Your pants are still on but not for long. In a swift motion youâre left in your plain black panties. The ones with the little bow. He chuckles at the detail. When you see what heâs laughing at you get self conscious. Jungkook looks up at you confused why youâre closing your legs.
âI didnât know weâd be in this position, so these are the one I brought.â You try to explain yourself cheeks blushing red. He doesnât know why youâre so insecure about the detail. He loves them.
For a quick kiss heâs on his feet hovering over you. âitâs okay, I like my gifts wrapped in bows.â He smirks and the comment has you calling out his name in shock. peck. Heâs back on his knees staring at your core. The bow is a detail heâll miss but heâd gotta take them off. Fuck is all he can think when your cunt is right in front of him, wet. Is this where heâs meant to die, right in your cunt from suffocation cause he wonât be able to detach himself from you.
Your legs are planted on his shoulder, your ass just at the edge of the bed. When he first swipes his tongue through your folds, it takes you by surprise. Gosh you missed him being right there.
âfuckâ you whimper the sound not being able to be masked. Your slick, probably mixed with his saliva, drips down your cunt, down his chin. His nose is so deep in it that some of your juices run up his nose. Is this how fucking cocaine sniffers feel? Â He canât wait till his cock is buried snuggly it. He sniffs in, on purpose this time, takin git once more. You grind on his face making him suck harder at your clit. Youâre getting dizzy and gripping hard at the sheets. His nails dig into your thighs harshly, the pain causing pleasure.
Everything is so intense you canât tell apart your orgasm. Fuck you canât be coming this fast from just his tongue. Shit. âJungkook. Donât stopâ You whine the intense feeling approaching quick, your walls tightening and fluttering around his tongue. Jungkookâs so carried away he only realizes youâre coming when your legs are shaking. He drinks everything that leaves and itâs only when youâre pulling his head back from overstimulation that he realizes he should take a breath. Heâs starved can you blame him?
âyouâre so gorgeous baby.â he says peppering kisses on your thighs. âWanna do that again for me.â Heâd absolutely would eat you out for a second time in a row. And youâd love that but you just want to feel him.
Youâre moving up the bed and heâs hovering over you kissing your jaw. Your palms meet his ass in a teasing smack.
âMissed this ass.â You smile under him. jungkook just chuckles. you want to add on but his finger stuffing your tight cunt has you silent, gasping for air.
Jungkook smiles down at your pleasure strained face. âmm? not so talkative now?â
He thinks heâs got you. Then you slide down your hand down his abs, he knows where your hand travels and though itâll destroy his ego, he lets you do it. âso bigâ you bite your bottom lip as you start stroking him, using your own juices as lubricate. Heâs walls are falling. Your hand wrapped around him, has him burying his moans in the croak of your neck.
Itâs a competition huh? he loves those second and fucking your cunt first.
Youâre stroking him in his pants and heâs pumping his fingers in your cunt. Heâs kissing you to hide his moans. Itâs a fucking competition and heâs losing. He canât lose. His hand leaves your cunt to grab at your wrist. You stop. He pulls you away from him. if you went on any longer, heâd be done for and the night wouldnât end the way he wants. He hasnât been touched in a year, unless itâs talking about those times you sexted, but it doesnât count. It feels different when itâs your hands.
âwhyâd you do that?â you whine.
âIf you did that you wouldnât have gotten the orgasms I have left for you.â You donât respond. you wonât argue, you do want them.
His fingers are back to pumping and even sooner than before your climax approaches. He wishes he could count just how much you flutter around his finger but heâs too busy looking at your face, pleasure written all over it. and its pride that fills him, knowing heâs the one giving it to you.
Jungkook moves away and you watch how he licks his fingers clean. The way he smiles at you after, is disgustingly hot.
âTake off your pants.â You tell him.
âYou take off your shirt.â He reciprocates, youâd forgotten youâd even been wearing anything.
Jungkook is spoiled by the sight before him, your chest sprawled out for him to taste. So, he leans down and wraps his tongue around a nipple. His hand lost at the other side. You love all the foreplay, really, but you want him. youâve been thinking about it for forever.
âJungkook.â You call. He hums saying you have his attention. âI want you.â
Thereâs nothing more he wants.
âWant you too baby.â He says grabbing his cock and aligning it with your entrance. Then he remembers.
âfuckâ he whispers. You sit up and wander what has him holding back.
âwhat?â
âI donât have a condom.â He knows he doesnât have one, itâd be weird, itâs not like he was coming on this trip expecting to fuck you.
âWhy?â he stares at you confused.
âI didnât expect fucking to be on the itinerary.â
Oh yeah, you laugh at himself.
âDo you?â
âNope. Why would I have them.â He just shrugs his shoulders.
Heâs gonna lose it. âAre you on the pill?â itâs his only option.
Thatâs when you shake your head. âGot off when we broke up.â
Okay so what is he gonna do, his cock hard and your cunt right in front of him.
âJungkook come on you can pull out.â You whine pulling him forward.
She shakes his head. âgod no. I almost lost my mind from your hand. Itâd lose it in your pussy.â You smile, you shouldnât be laughing cause you wonât be able to fuck. But you just canât help but smile at the fact that he almost lost himself just from your hand. Youâve got no clue on what to do. You really need to fuck him.
âWait--â he looks at you. âThis is a loverâs cabin.â You say but he waits for you to elaborate and make sense.
âwouldnât they have condoms in the cupboard or something.â He didnât think of that.
So, as you stand you walk over to the cupboard roughly open it almost tipping it over. âBingo!â you celebrate pulling out a long string of condoms. Your saving grace.
You carefully pull out one and toss it to jungkook.
âRelax arenât they the oneâs you usually use,â you say when you see the look on his face. They do look like theyâve just been purchased and placed. Heâs so thankful right now. He leans against the head board and you watch how he gracefully he strokes himself and slips it on, your mouth drools but youâre too needy. Youâll do that another day.
âCome ride cow girl.â He welcomes you when heâs all done. You stretch your legs over him, centering yourself. His hands are quick to spread across your ass, landing a light tap.
He helps you centre himself at your entrance. His brows scrunch together when he feels your tight warmth slide down him. he definitely isnât going to last long, maybe heâll hold on till you come but after that is not promised.
His hand loosely holds at your throat, just enough to tilt it back slightly and leave wet kisses and marks everywhere on your skin.
You sliding up and down him feels great but he couldnât help himself but move his fingers to touch your clit. In pure pleasure youâre wrapping your arms around him and kissing him. you love this position, how he nudges at your back, how intimate it feels, the way youâre so close after being so far away. The cold is barely in mind. Jungkook canât express how much heâs missed you.
You love it.
But what you love more is how he pulls at your hair, just softly. âLove fucking my cock huh?â he asks but youâre unable to answer his hips jutting up into you with great speed. Jungkook could get carried away with the way your boob bounce but he chooses to say focus. âYou like that huh?â he smirks but your eyes are closed, the pleasure of his intense strokes taking you out.
âYeah, love fucking you kook.â You whimper out.
Heâs thrusting harder and youâre moaning louder. âyou look so pretty taking me baby. Wanna fuck you forever.â
You wish you.
Your body melts into his as youâre coming again, jungkook fucking into you for his own high which follows after yours. When he catches his breath, heâs laying you down and beside you just after throwing the filled condom.
âIâm gonna get the bath started.â He says planting a quick kiss on your shoulder.
Youâre too drained to stand so when heâs back to come get you youâre dozing off. âcome on baby Iâve got to get you cleaned up.â
You groan. âThen after a I can make you cocoa.â
âIâm so tired kook.â You whine.
âI knowww.â he coos. Next thing you know heâs lifting you, bridal style. âitâs okay Iâve got you.â
âHmm. Donât move.â Jungkook whines when you threaten to stand and start your day. You two have already slept in because of your late-night endeavours.
âI have to kook. We have so much for our day.â
âUgh! Fine. But first give me your hand.â He demands the action has you confused but you give it to him. when he has it, heâs giving you a billion kisses. âI love you.â He doesnât think itâs too soon causeâwell he doesnât know it just felt right to say.
âI love you too now let me go.â He makes sure not to unhand you until you say it more âmeaningfullyâ according to him.
---
You and jungkook decided to retry ice skating (you were hell bent on not going skiing.)
As youâre skating jungkook slides to the half wall, after telling you he has to take a call. You shoo him away after telling youâll be fine alone (for the meantime).
âAny news?â jungkook was nervous when he got the call from Namjoon. This is a very important call from him, it determines what the hell heâs gonna choose. Quit or get transferred.
âYeah. itâs been approved.â Jungkook is still for a moment.
âSeriously?â it almost feels like a dream.
âYeah, had to do a lot of convincing but they agreed.â Heâs so grateful for Namjoon. Heâs gonna miss him. Jungkook looks over to you, gliding not great but better, and youâre smiling this time. So, heâs happy. Youâre happy.
âThank you, man,â
Namjoon smiles, he knows how much this means. âNo problem.â The call cuts.
This just seals a lot âkook look out.â He pockets his phone and as heâs turning to you, you slam into him. You havenât gotten to the knowing how to stop just yet. Maybe next time.
âYou okay, baby.â He says holding onto you by your waist
You let out a dramatic breath that has him smiling. âYeah, but Iâm getting kinda tired.â You say out of breath and letting your weight fall into his arms.
âIâm getting hungry too.â Youâve spent a good amount of time ice skating so you decide to leave it for next time.
--
âwhatâs the plan for tonight.â He asks as you eat.
âHmm. For the first time I donât know.â You both laugh. âWe could go out for dinnerâohhh the hot tub--.â You forgot about it cause none of you ever wanted to use it, honestly you didnât even expect the place to have a hot tub.
âI like the sound of that.â
The steam of the hot tub hovers lazily on the surface of the water. The steam curls around jungkook as his gaze locks on you. Body dry cause you havenât gotten in yet. You walk onto the deck, the dim but still bright enough lights radiant off your skin, as though the sun has come to pay him a visit at night.
His breath is caught.
The bikini hugs you in all the ways that made his thoughts falter, the curves of your body illuminated by the soft glow of the light. He swallows hard, his mouth dry despite being surround by water. You make him weak, so much that he looks only at you, even though your attention is else were. You try to find a place to hook your towels.
And then you turn around to smile at him in victory of finding a place to hang them. He nods acknowledging but no paying attention.
He leans back slightly, the water lapping at his shoulders as his eyes roam you, mesmerized. Thereâs some thing unworldly about you, something he canât quite put into words. It wasnât just the way you looked, that made him trip for you. It was the way you carried yourself, the way your body swayed as you moved closer to him.
His arms immediately reach out to envelope you. âEnjoying the view?â you tease, your voice relaxing into the tub and his warmth.
The chuckle he releases is low, âyou know I am.â
Your giggle like a melody. You wrap your arms around him and he loses his stability for a second before regaining it. âcareful.â He murmurs to you, a slow smile spreading across his face. âI might drown.â
âI wouldnât want that.â you peck his lips.
You relax for a while just taking in the night and each other presence.
Jungkook has been meaning to ask, the question eating at his mind. Â âDo you want to go back to Korea with me?â it sounds like a dumb question, you came together so you will be leaving together.
But the double meaning lies within and heâs desperate to know your answer.
âWhat are you saying?â you coo at him. âArenât we already going back together.â Youâre talking about the tangible stuff, the tickets, the plane, the flying, even the landing and going home. But he doesnât mean that.
After pecking your shoulder water sticking to his lips, he explains. âI donât mean physically.â
You stare down at him eyes softening. âkookâ you realize the seriousness of his question. And for a second jungkook senses scepticism. So, he panics.
âIf itâs bout my job, Iâm working on it.â His voice is quick.
That was a fear of yours, even more that he wouldnât want to move. Jungkook has thought about it, the move was a rush decision he never spoke to anyone about it to ask their opinion or whatever. And honestly the move didnât bring him much joy, besides the opportunity to adventure Jeju. But apart from that he was away from his family, his friends and you. Everything that made his life.
âSeriously?â you say more shocked than anything else.
âYeah, Namjoon called me. My transfer got approved.â
 You gasp the water swashing from your movement. âdonât lie to meâ
He laughs. âIâm not.â
âI thought you said getting it approved is hard.â Youâre finding this so hard to believe.
âIt is, I guess I got lucky.â
You squeal moving in to hug him.
âWhen did you start all this.â Itâs along process so he had to start early.
âHonestly before we broke up. I wanted to surprise you if it got approved. But then-â you shush him from going on further.
âSo, what would have you done if it didnât get approved.â Your tone drops.
Jungkook sighs looking around in thought. âwouldâve fucking quit.â itâs funny how easy the idea is for him, former him would have struggled with the question. âIâm tired of being so far from you.â
âSame.â He places a longer and soft kiss on your lips.
âSo, you wanna go back with me?â His voice is playful, as he looks up at you through wet lashes.
âMhm.â You smile, leaning slightly closer to him, your fingertips tracing lazy circles on his shoulder. âI wanna go everywhere with you.â
The words hang in the air for a moment, warm and intimate, as his lips lifts into a small, boyish grin. âWe can arrange that.â
Jungkook doesnât mind being patched to your side like a little purse dog. In fact, the way he leans into you now, his hand slipping around your waist as if it were second nature, says heâd prefer it. His thumb grazes your hip absentmindedly, a small gesture that feels both possessive and endearing.
âIâm gonna miss it.â you say leaning into Jungkook's shoulder with a pout. You wait patiently for your flight. âFeels like we just started the trip.â
Jungkook reaches over to cup your hand in his. He then interlocks your fingers and brings it to his lips; the action causes you to smile softly. He really likes to do that. Itâd never been a trait of his before, so youâre intrigued, to why he does it all of a sudden. âWe can come back one day. together.â
âYeah together.â You reassure. You like this. Like having him with you.
[3 months later]
âJimin if youâre gonna wear that to my fucking wedding youâre not coming.â You announce to a jimin too focused on the light blue suit heâs in. in the mirror you can spot his cheeky grin. Heâs not gonna wear a freaking light blue suit, itâs not on the colour scheme, plus he doesnât like how it makes him look.
He turns to look at jungkook whoâs standing on his own pedestal looking into the mirror. Touching and teasing at the suit. âJungkook youâre not gonna let her do that right?.â Jungkook just shrugs his shoulders at jimin. Heâs not pleased with the answer. He knew the dude was down bad, but not this down bad. âBro!â
âsheâs the boss.â Jungkook raises his hands in surrender and you smirk in your seat.
âCome on manâŠstandup.â he fists at Jungkook who just laughs. As Jimin is stepping out to get out of the suit (he stayed so long in it you thought he might actually want to wear it.) and get changed, you swat him with a magazine and heâs quick to running out not wanting you to land another hit.
Now alone in the dressing room you walk up to jungkook. You lean your chin on his shoulder, your hands finding there way to his chest. He welcomes them with his own. âYou look so handsome.â Your voices hums sweetly by his ear. Jungkook lifts up both of your hands to place soft and warm kisses on them. The action has you blushing red. The ring on your finger and indication of why he liked to do it before. Plus, now, he just enjoys it., it makes you blush and he likes that.
âMhm.â He hums against your wrists. âYou like it?â
âI love it.â You take a hundredth glance at a preview of what he might wear at your wedding. If he chooses itâs what he wants. You love the cut on him. the colour complimenting his skin, and the style shows off his physique, not too much, but not too little. But all the buttons on the vest and shirt are gonna give you some trouble undoing.
Jungkook stares at you completely enamoured at the way youâre looking at it. You should be looking at him like that. âI think you might love the suit more than me.â He turns abruptly causing you to fall into his chest. He catches and keeps you stable with his firm hand on your lower back.
You place one hand on his chest and the other around his neck, bringing you much closer. âI might just.â Your lips could meet easily with how close you are. But you donât move them and jungkook pouts at how you deny him the opportunity.
âIâm gonna take it off, not gonna let you love it more.â He nudges his nose with yours.
âTake it off.â
âJeon Yn! I forgot how freaky you are.â You roll your eyes at how heâs already given you his last name, you like the sound of it though. Reminds you of how real this is, youâre not dreaming.
Trying to tease him more you move by his ear to whisper, âNot here though.â
Jungkook is biting his lower lip. âWe should hurry then.â he moves to kiss your shoulder, your off-the-shoulder top giving him leeway to kiss your skin directly. He peppers more kisses from your shoulder to your neck before  you get carried away youâre prompting for him to turn around. He does, though reluctantly.
You giggle.
âDo you like it though?â your voice turns serious, as much as you like it and how you just want to see him in it the whole day. If he likes it matters.
âYeah, it makes me look soâŠhusband.â He smiles boyishly as he winks at you in the mirror.
âOh-gosh.â You push yourself away from him to get back to your seat. Youâre not gonna be here all day.
He turns to face you. Still standing on the pedestal. âWhen do I get to see you in your dressâ His teeth play with his lip ring as he asks curiously. The thought of you in the gown exciting him.
âWhen I walk down the aisle.â You stare blankly, no room for discussion. And he doesnât, youâve been quite stern about him not seeing you in any bridal wear until the wedding. Which he doesnât mind, he can wait.
âMake sure itâs a ball gown so that I can slip under and hide.â He gestures his hands to elaborate what he means.
You shake your head. Itâs not your style, maybe when you were a child, but youâve grown. âIâm not wearing a ball gown.â
Ditching the jacket, he places it next to you and stands closing your legs between his. He lowers himself so your nose is touching his. His arms trap you between him and the couch. You didnât think he was not gonna get that kiss right? He kisses you softly, then again. Then a little harder the third time, this one lasting seconds longer. You hold on his waist for stability. He kisses you once more just for the sake.
âIâm very sure youâll look divine in whatever you pick, baby.â
A/N: so that's that. I hope I've fixed your broken heart from I-redo. there are scenes that i couldn't fit in. Yes of course there are other activities they did, but if i wrote it all it would be boring and too long and would probably be pushed to next month. i wish i could've written more fluff but idk.
i will allow for story drabble request if you guys want that.
but yeah thanks, for reading, liking and commenting. much love. wishing you a happy new year.
Summary : Bucky had already found the love of his life in the 1940sâ a boxer, just like him. But as a woman in a male-dominated sport, your success looks different from his. In the present day, Sam offers to help Bucky track your family down⊠never imagining you might still be alive.
Pairing : Bucky Barnes x boxer! reader (she/her)
Warnings/tags : Fluff AND angst! Mentions of sex. violence, cursing, systemic sexism (let me know if I missed anything!)
Word count : 9k
Note : I made the ending pretty open ended, but I think it could work as a one shot. I might turn this into a 3 part mini-series, if enough people want it to. Let me know if you want to be tagged in the next (possible) part! Enjoy!
Bucky Barnes leaned back against the bench, his metal arm resting on the wood almost as weathered as him.Â
As the quiet chirping of birds filled the silence, he sipped his coffee. What was it that the barista had recommended? A flat white? It was nice, but it was weird seeing all these new fancy names for coffee, even after a few years of adjustments. Back then, coffee had just been⊠coffee.Â
Beside him, Sam Wilson sat sipping his Americano, watching the joggers and dog walkers passing by. One guy even had a cat in a see-through backpack.
Finally, Sam glanced over, breaking the silence. âYou ever think about dating again?â he asked as he saw a couple set up a picnic across the park. The question was so casual, but his curiosity was so⊠genuine.
Bucky narrowed his eyes, letting out humourless snort that barely counted as a laugh. âNo,â he muttered, shaking his head. âThat ship sailed a long time ago.â
âReally?â Samâs eyebrows lifted, almost in disbelief. âYouâre not even gonna try? Come on, man. Thereâs gotta be someone out there for you.â
A longing smile tugged at Buckyâs lips. He stared out at the park, his eyes distant. He watched the couple taking out some sandwiches to eat, sharing a milkshake from a nearby fast-food restaurant. They reminded him of a time before this one, before the war, when happiness seemed effortless, when it was⊠reachable.
âThere was,â he admitted, his voice quieter now, âMet the love of my life back in the 40s. Never really looked for anyone else after that. No point.â
Sam tilted his head in sympathy. Bucky barely talked about anything in the 40s that was this personal. âYouâve never told me about her,â he said. âWanna say more?â
Bucky hesitated, but only a little. His thumb idly traced the edge of his metal hand as he scoured his brain for the right words. âItâs a long story,â he said finally.
Sam leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Bucky wasnât this open everyday. He had to try. âIâve got time,â he said with a grin that felt like an open door.
â
Brooklyn, 1940s
The bell above the door rang through the room as Bucky walked in with an effortless confidence that turned heads. Behind him, a short, skinny Steve Rogers hurried to keep up, his words tumbling out in a stream of frustration as he complained about a bully whoâd picked on him earlier.
But Steveâs voice faded into nothing but white noise the second Bucky saw you behind the counter.Â
You were a portrait of grace under pressure.Â
You had plates with burgers and fries on both hand, balancing them expertly as you navigated the crowded diner floor. A flustered busboy darted in your path, but managed to sidestep him in one fluid, precise motion.
A gleam of sweat settled on the crease of your brows, a few stray strands of hair framing your face like a halo.Â
But even as your cheeks flushed with a hint of stress, you still smiled at every customer. You were genuine and utterly polite, lighting up the room despite chaos unfolding around you.
Steve finally noticed that he no longer had his best friendâs attention anymoreâ but he couldnât be mad when he followed his line of sight and saw you, too. âWhoa, Bucky,â he said, nudging him with an elbow. He knew exactly that you were Buckyâs type. âWhat a dame, huh?â
Bucky chuckled, though his usual cocky smirk softened was wiped from his face. âYeah,â he murmured, almost to himself âSheâs something else.â
He knew youâ but not personally.Â
Last night, in a small boxing arena tucked away in a corner of Brooklyn, heâd watched you fight.Â
He remembered you clearly; you were the main event, after all.Â
You were in the center of the ring, gloves up in a defensive position. You werenât the biggest fighterânot the strongest, eitherâ but your technique was flawless. You were agile and quick on your feet, precise with your punches.
Last night, you took down Cathy Millerâ Brooklynâs pride and joyâin three rounds.Â
Bucky was in the roaring crowd as Miller hit the mat, taken out in a clean technical knockout.Â
And youâd barely broken a sweat, smiling casually at the victory as if the fight had been just another sparring session.
Bucky had been mesmerised. And now, less than twenty-four hours later, here you were. Not celebrating, but waiting tables as if last night hadnât happened. Â
It didnât add up.
Why werenât you taking a rest day? Why werenât you celebrating your victory?Â
Bucky sat on a stool and leaned against the counter with Steve beside him.
As you wiped your hands on a dishtowel, your eyes caught his, and for a split second, your mouth went agape.
James Buchanan Barnes.Â
Of course, you recognized him.Â
Everyone in the city who knows anything about boxing probably would. The three-time YMCA welterweight boxing champ with a face taken straight from a movie reel. His name carried a reputation, not just of his titles, but of his charm. Â
And you had to admit you were judging this book by his cover. You thought he was trouble, all right. You were familiar with the male boxing champion typeâ The cocky smirk, the arrogance, and the nerve to flirt with anyone in a skirt.Â
Youâd heard the stories: women fawned and men envied. Still, seeing him in the flesh was⊠disarming. The sharp jawline, the piercing blue eyes that⊠were staring right at you.Â
You steadied yourself, reminding yourself to behave.
You approached the two of themâ menus in hand. You set them down, offering a professional smile. Â
âWhatâll it be, boys?â Â
Steve was the first to respondâsort of. His eyes widened as he finally saw you up close and recognised you. Â
Thatâs why Bucky had been so distracted! Youâre the boxer he had dragged Steve out to see last night!
Steveâs gaze darted between you and his best friend, and before he could say anything, Bucky leaned forward. He rested his elbows on the counter, tilting his head just with the most lovely smile.
âYouâre the East Coast womenâs champ, arenât you?â he asked. Youâd think it was condescending until you noted the admiration in his tone.
The question did make you pause.Â
Most men didnât know anything about womenâs boxing, let alone the names and faces of its fighters.Â
Your brow arched slightly as you tried to gauge if this was some kind of setup or just a well-aimed flirtation. âYeah,â you said slowly. âThatâs me.â Â
Buckyâs smile only widened. âYou were incredible,â he said, the words tumbling out with surprising enthusiasm. âI saw you fight last night. That third round against Miller? Iâve never seen footwork like that!â Â
For a moment, you blinked at him. His praise felt⊠sincere. Men like himâ championsâ didnât usually talk to women like this, at least not about their skill.Â
Especially not about their victories. Â
âUh, thanks,â you managed, âDidnât think someone like you would⊠know.â Â
Bucky feigned offense so convincingly you almost stuttered. âSomeone like me?â he repeated.
You shrugged, leaning on the counter. âMost boxers of your caliber think women donât even belong in the ring.â Â
That earned a genuine laugh as he leaned back slightly. âWell, most boxers are knuckleheads,â he said matter-of-factly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
From beside him, Steve snorted, his shoulders shaking as he tried to hide his amusement.
âFair point,â you chuckled, âBut maybe youâre less awful than most.â Â
Steve, grinning like heâd just been handed front-row seats to the best show in town, decided to step in. âYou know, Buckyâs got a hell of a jab himself,â he said, âMaybe you two should spar sometime.â Â
Your eyes flicked to Steve, then back to Bucky, whose grin had grown downright wicked. âOh, I donât know,â you said, feigning innocence. âWouldnât want to bruise his pretty face.â Â
â
Over the next few weeks, Bucky became a regular at the dinerâ he became your favorite part of the day.
It wasnât a coincidence; he timed his visits, always showing up in the late afternoons or evenings, when the diner was quieter. And a part of you knew that he intentionally visited you in your downtime so he could have you all to himself.
He always asked about your boxing careerâ your training, your wins, your losses, and even the fights you couldnât get. It wasnât just polite small talk; he listened with genuine interest.
His eyes glimmered when you talked about your victories, his teeth clenched when you told him of the setbacks. He occasionally brushed his fingers against yours when you handed him a coffee, he always gave whatever stupid excuses came to mind to stay a bit longer.
It didnât stop there.Â
Youâd started showing up at each otherâs matches, too.Â
At yours, he was impossible to miss: front row, shouting your name with Steve there, cheering for you, too.Â
Youâd never felt so supportedâ not even your parents liked this part of you. Women should be graceful, your family said.Â
But with the boys cheering, that criticism faded to the background.
When you landed a solid hook, you heard Bucky shout, âThatâs my girl!â and your heartbeat sped up in a way that had nothing to do with adrenaline. Â
In turn, you found yourself slipping into the back rows at his matchesâ the front row was always filled with rich folk betting on Bucky to win, and it was not the kind of crowd that took kindly to a womanâs presence.
But Bucky always saw you. Youâd catch his eyes mid-fight. It was infuriating how good he was, the way he seemed to dominate the ringâ It made you admire him more.Â
You didnât miss the way his smile grew when he saw you watching. He would wave at you before the bell rang, as if your presence was all the motivation he needed to win.
â
One evening, as the rush died down, you stood behind the counter and wiped it down.
Bucky leaned against it, his eyes firmly fixed on you.Â
âCan I ask you something?â His voice was quieter than usual.
You glanced up, lifting an eyebrow. âSure.â
He hesitated, running his tongue over his bottom lip in a way that made your breath hitch. âIf youâre as good as I know you are,â he began, âwhy are you working here? Why arenât you making a living off boxing?â
You let out a long, tired sigh, putting the rag away. âBecause women donât get a fair share, Barnes,â you said, âPromoters take a bigger cut of my wins than they do for men. Half the time, I have to beg just to get a fight. And when I do win, the prize money barely covers rent.â You shrugged, bitterness bubbling up in your words. âI love boxing, but it doesnât pay the bills. This diner does.â
His hands curled into fists on the counter. âThatâs bullshit,â he said, the words crackling with anger. After all this time⊠he shouldâve known. He stayed so blissfully unaware, living in his own perfect little reality.
âTell that to the world, Barnes.â You snorted, âHell, I canât even walk into a gym without getting harassed. Half the time, I have to fight just to get in the practice ring. And the guysâŠâ You trailed off, hesitating before meeting his eyes. âSome of them try to scare me off. A fewâŠâ You paused, looking away. âA few try to get handsy. They think if they push hard enough, Iâll quit.â
Buckyâs eyes darkened, a muscle flexing in his arm. He straightened, his fists pressing into the counter. âThey what?â The fire in his voice sent a shiver down your spine. Youâd seen him fight; you knew what he was capable of. He considered asking you to point him in the right direction and deal with those boys, but then thought better of it. If youâd wanted them roughed up, youâd have done it yourself. You had a reputation to maintain, and getting your hands dirty like that wouldnât do you any favours.
It doesnât mean it was less wrong.
You forced a casual shrug, âItâs nothing I canât handle.â
Bucky leaned closer, âItâs not ânothing,ââ he said fiercely. âYou shouldnât have to handle that at all.â
For a moment, you couldnât look away, caught in the vicinity of his angerânot at you, but for you. You saw it in the way his hands trembled, the way his eyes gently traced the lines of your face.Â
âLook,â you reassured, your voice smaller now, âitâs just the way it is.â
âYou shouldnât have to put up with that,â Bucky said again, his voice quieter this time but no less convinced.
âThanks, Barnes,â you murmured, turning back to your work. But Bucky didnât move. His eyes stayed on you, watching, thinking.
Planning.
Finally, Bucky leaned closer, his voice dropping to a near whisper. âYou deserve better than this.â Â
You looked up, your breath stolen away from your lungs as you found yourself inches away from him. The world outside the diner seemed to fall away. Â
âAnd if the world wonât give it to you,â he said, âthen I will.âÂ
Your heart stumbled at his words, at the promise. For a moment, you forgot how to form words. Before you could say anything, he smiledâcharming, crooked, and devastatingly handsomeâand pushed off the counter.
âSee you soon,â he said, a flicker of that playful smirk returning as he headed for the door.Â
â
The next day, Bucky surprised you in a way you never could have anticipated.
As your shift ended, you expected the usual silence of your walk to the gym. Instead, there he wasâ leaning casually against a lamppost, hands stuffed into his jacket pockets, a familiar sheepish smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
âHey,â Bucky greeted as you approached. âCâmon.â He jerked his head, his grin widening.
âWhere are we going?â you asked, narrowing your eyes at him but following him anyway.
âYouâll see,â he said, his tone playful.
Following strange men are we? You could hear your motherâs voice in your head if she ever found out. But Bucky wasnât a stranger, not anymore.Â
He led you down a quieter side street, away from the busy buzzing of the main road. The walk was comfortable, and when you stopped in front of a modest gym tucked between two old buildings, you blinked in surprise.Â
The lights inside were on, but the place was⊠quiet. No shouting, no clanging weights, there didnât seem to be any people at all.
Bucky reached into his pocket, pulling out a key. He unlocked the door and pushed it open with a dramatic flare, turning to you with a shy, boyish smile. âWelcome to your new training spot.â
You stepped inside, taking in the pristine space. A well-worn boxing ring sat in the center, surrounded by punching bags and neatly stacked weights. It was perfect.Â
You turned to him, incredulous.
âBucky,â you whispered, your voice catching. âWhat⊠did you do?â
He shrugged, leaning against the wall. âI rented it,â he said simply. âEvery Thursday night, this place is ours. No idiots heckling you, no trainers acting like they know better. Just you, me, and a safe space to train.â
Your heart twisted, mouth falling open. âI donât even know how to thank you,â you murmured.
âYou donât need to,â he replied, his lips twitching into a gentle grin. âBut you can start by going easy on me when you teach me a few tricks.â
âOh, is that what this is?â you chuckled playfully. âYou want me to coach you?â
âYouâre the most technically sound fighter Iâve ever seen,â he shot back, stepping closer, the teasing in his voice unmistakable. âThought I could pick up a thing or two.â His grin widened. âAnd donât worry, Iâll show you a few things too.â
âFine,â you laughed, stepping past him toward the ring. âBut donât think Iâll go easy on you just because youâve got a pretty face.â
As the session began, the tension between you grew. What started as light sparring quickly became more⊠intense. Buckyâs punches were driven by instinct and strength, while you countered with precision, slipping past his defences.
âYouâve got to stop telegraphing that left hook,â you teased, stepping just out of his reach. âItâs like youâre announcing it with a drumroll.â
âAnd youâve got to stop dropping your guard when you dodge,â he shot back, shaking out his arms. âYouâre lucky Iâm niceâ I couldâve floored you three times by now.â
âOh?â you quipped, your smirk widening. âLetâs see just how nice you really are.â
The back-and-forth only stoked the fire, your movements becoming faster, more fluid, as if the world outside the gym didnât exist. The air grew thicker, charged with more than just adrenaline. His eyes lingered on you in fleeting pauses, making your breath hitch.
As the session went on, the boundary between sparring and something far more intimate blurred. His hand brushed yours as he passed you a water bottle, his fingers lingering just a moment too long. When you adjusted his stance, your hands on his shoulders, you swore you felt him shiver under your touch.Â
And then it happened.
In the middle of a particularly heated round, Bucky feinted left, a move you didnât expect. You countered on instinct, twisting with a speed and precision that sent him crashing to the mat. Before he could react, you were on top of him, pinning him down with a grin that was equal parts triumph and mischief.
âWell, well,â you teased, your voice breathless. âLooks like the great James Barnes isnât as untouchable as he thinks he is.â
He laughed, the sound resonant and rough, his chest rising and falling beneath you. His blue eyes locked onto yours, and in that moment, the air seemed to shift again. His laughter quieted, his stare turning intense and borderline hungry.
âGuess not,â he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.
You didnât know who moved firstâmaybe it was him, maybe it was youâbut suddenly, your lips were on his, and the world fell silent.Â
The kiss was everything: hot, urgent, and all-consuming. His hands came up to your waist, pulling you closer, while his other hand tangled in your hair, anchoring you to him as if he couldnât bear to let go.
Your fingers slid along the strong planes of his chest, your touch exploring the warmth of his skin through the damp fabric of his shirt. He groaned softly against your lips, the sound sending a shiver down your spine. The kiss deepened, his mouth moving against yours with a hunger that matched your own, the tension that had been building for weeks finally breaking free.
When you finally pulled back, his forehead rested against yours, a crooked grin tugging at his lips.
âYouâve got some moves, Iâll give you that,â he murmured, his voice rough and laced with amusement.
âYouâre not so bad yourself, Barnes.â You laughed, your fingers tracing the line of his jaw. âBut donât think this means Iâll go easy on you next time.â
He chuckled, his thumb brushing against your cheek as his eyes burned into yours. âWouldnât dream of it,â he said, pulling you back down for another kiss, this time slower but no less passionate.
That night, as you left the gym hand in hand, you couldnât help but smile. Whatever this wasâmessy, unexpected, intenseâit was yours. And you were ready to see where it would take you.
â
Six months later, you sat across from Bucky at a nice private table he reserved.
It was late in the evening, the glow of the New York city lights painting golden streaks across your faces as you sat together on the balcony of a rooftop restaurant. You and Bucky had both won the night beforeâ and he had insisted on celebrating the wins with style, brushing off your protests about the cost with a grin and a wave of his hand. He declared had more than enough in his winnings for both of you.Â
âGotta spend it on the only person who deserves it,â he had declared.
The night had been perfect. Youâd laughed and talked for hours, your victories were a shared triumph that brought you closer together.Â
As the evening wound down, he reached across the table, taking your hand in his, thumb brushing over your knuckles.
Bucky loved you more than words could ever express. It was why heâd convinced you to take the day off today, refusing to let you work yourself to death after the grueling fight youâd gone through last night.Â
He hated seeing you exhaust yourselfâ boxing by night and waiting by day.
Suddenly, an idea came into mind, one that hadnât even fully formed. But it was there, and he knew he had to say it, because he wanted it more than anything in the world.
âMarry me,â he murmured quietly as if the world outside had ceased to exist.
You blinked. âWhat?â
Bucky shifted his chair closer, his forehead resting gently against yours. âMarry me, Quit your job.â he repeated, the words tumbling out with quiet urgency. âIâll take care of you. Youâll never have to step foot in that diner again. You can finally focus on boxing.â
Your breath caught in your throat. His eyes searched yours, almost pleading as if he could will you to say yes.
For a moment, you let yourself imagine it: a life where you didnât have to fight tooth and nail just to be taken seriously, where you could spend your days in his arms and in the gym.Â
Your heart ached as you shook your head gently, placing your free hand over his. âBuckyâŠâ
âI mean it,â he said quickly, his words rushing out like he was afraid youâd dismiss him entirely. âI donât want you to have to struggle anymore. I want you to have the life you deserve.â
âI know,â you whispered, closing your eyes. You cannot believe whatâs about to come out of your mouth. âI canâtânot yet.â
He pulled back slightly, confusion flickering across his face. âWhy not?â
You took a deep breath, straightening your posture and blinking away tears, trying to find the right words. âBecause⊠I want to make it on my own, Bucky. I have to,â You cupped Buckyâs cheek, tracing your bruised fingertips over his jawline. He leaned into the touch. âAll the other girls in the ring with me⊠they donât have husbands bankrolling their dreams. If I let you take care of me now, Iâll feel like I cheated themâ and myself. I want to keep a level playing field.â
Bucky sighed, âButââ
âNo buts, Buck,â you interjected softly before he could spiral, âIt doesnât mean that I don't love you,â you whispered desperately, âBecause I do. More than anything in the world. But when Iâm out in the ring? I might be tired after a long shift, but I love it because itâs mine.â
Buckyâs jaw set, but it wasnât out of frustration. It was pride, the kind of pride that settled in his chest every time he thought about how fiercely you fought for what you believed in.
âI get it,â he said after a long pause. âI donât like that youâre always so exhausted, but I get it.â He leaned back in, his lips brushing your forehead, âJust promise me one thing.â
You looked up at him, your eyes searching for his. âWhat?â
âThat when the time comesâwhen youâre readyâyouâll say yes.â
âOne day, Bucky,â Your lips curved into a soft smile, and you nodded, cupping his cheek. âI promise.â
His grin returned, slow and dazzling, as though that promise was all he needed. He pulled you into his arms, holding you close under the stars.
â
But then the war came, and everything changed. Â
Bucky got shipped out. Youâd known it was comingâthe draft notices were piling up, and the news on the radio grew darker by the dayâbut no amount of news consumed could prepare you for the moment he was actually leaving. The night before he got shipped out for the first time, the two of you laid on his bed, the world outside slipping away into nothingness.
You lay tangled together, skin to skin. His arms circled tightly around you, his grip as firm as iron, like he was afraid that if he let go, youâd both lose yourself entirely. His lips brushed your temple, your shoulder, every place he could reach, leaving behind a trail of lingering love, imprinting a part himself on you before he had to go. Â
"Donât go soft while Iâm gone," he murmured against your hair. His hand stroked the curve of your back, and it felt both tender and possessive.
"Not a chance, Barnes," you shot back, giving him a sad smile. You ran a hand through his dark hair, pushing it back from his face, trying to remember every detail of him. The sharp line of his jaw, the curve of his lips, the way his eyes seem to glitter in the dark. Â
That night was a blur of passion and desperation. You kissed him like a woman out of time, hoping each touch of your lips on his could delay the dawn. His hands roamed every inch, committing every curve, every inch of you to memory.Â
He whispered promises against your skinâ that he would come back and build a life with you, to love you until his dying breath. His skin lit yours on fire, like a star on the verge of collapse. Â
When morning came, he kissed you goodbye.
âÂ
It was clear that Bucky was a good soldier when he kept coming home when others didnât.
And those days when he did have time to stay home for a couple of days, it felt like someone had flipped a switch in a dark room.Â
And you took full advantage of it.
You went on dates to hole-in-the-wall diners where he always insisted on ordering for you, grinning smugly when he got it right. Youâd catch late-night movies, his arm slung around your shoulder as he whispered sarcastic comments about the cheesy lines from the main characters. Afterwards, youâd get milkshakes together and heâd crack jokes until you were both laughing so hard tears streamed down your cheeks.Â
But you knew, deep down, that a part of him was brokenâ heâd seen unspeakable horrors on the battlefieldâ yet he never wanted to share it with you, no matter how much you encouraged him to.
You were his best girl, and he had to shield you from everything wrong with the world.
Sometimes youâd drag Steve along, refusing to let him spend all his free time picking fights or sketching. You even tried setting him up with a few of your friends, determined to keep him from being the eternal third wheel, but it never quite worked out.Â
Steve, bless his stubborn heart, seemed too wrapped up in his sense of duty to notice anyone else. Â
But before you knew it, Bucky was shipped out again.
So you threw yourself into your routine, determined to keep moving forward with your days. You spent working long shifts at the diner, perfecting the art of polite smiles and dodging the unwanted advances of customers who mistook your kindness as an invitation for something more.Â
At night, you boxed when you could, though the matches were few and far between now. Wartime tightened everyoneâs walletsâ no one had spare cash to wager on two women boxing in the ring.Â
And yet, every Thursday, you still went to the gym. Bucky had paid the rent indefinitely before he left, insisting it would be his gift to you, a piece of him to keep close while he was away.Â
At first, the silence of the gym was jarringâ the punching bag was not as charming as your boyfriend.Â
But as the weeks passed, you realized there was someone else who could benefit from the time there: Steve. Â
Steve had always been scrawny, but you knew better than anyone that his heart was bigger than most. He was stubborn, determined to prove himself even if his lungs often betrayed his heart.Â
One Thursday, you decided to invite him to your training session. Â
At first, Steve was hesitant, standing awkwardly by the weights as you invited him in the ring, bouncing lightly on your toes. Â
"You gonna stand there all day, Rogers?" you chuckled, hoping humour would ease his nerves. Â
He smiled, stepping into the ring. The first few sessions were roughâhis punches were weak, his stance wobbly, and he tripped over his own feet more often than not. Still, his determination shone through, and you couldnât help but admire his grit. For a kid who always seemed to find trouble, you knew you had to arm him with a few tricks up his sleeve. Â
"Youâre thinking too much," you said one day, adjusting the way he held up his fists. "Just trust your instincts."Â Â
Over time, Steve began to improve. He wasnât going to be a heavyweight, but he was quick on his feet, and he fought with a courage that reminded you of yourself. You taught him how to read his opponentâs movements, how to slip punches, and most importantly, how to hold his ground even when the odds were stacked against him. Â
"Let them underestimate you," you said one day. "Make âem regret it every time."Â Â
The more time you spent together, the better friends you became. What began as training sessions turned into long talks about life. Inevitably, the conversation always circled back to Bucky. Â
âBucky always believed in me,â Steve said one evening as the two of you sat on the gym steps, cooling off after a tough session. âEven when no one else did.â Â
You smiled, leaning back against the wall. âI believe in you, too, kid.â Â
Steve confided in you about his frustrations, about the rejection from the enlistment offices. He felt like he wasnât doing enough, like the world was moving forward while he was unable to keep up. Â
When Steve asked you to help him enlistâagainâyou didnât hesitate, much to Buckyâs dismay.
You drove him to recruitment offices, waiting in the car or sitting beside him as he poured his heart out to indifferent officers who barely looked up from their paperwork. Each rejection stung worse than the last, but he never gave up. Â
"You really think Iâve got a shot?" he asked quietly one evening as the two of you sat on the hood of your car, watching the sun sink below the Brooklyn skyline, imagining Bucky coming back to shore.Â
âYouâve got heart, Steve.â You turned to him, âAnd thatâs worth more than any height or weight requirement.â Â
You became his confidant when Bucky wasnât around, the person he leaned on when the odds felt stacked against him. Â
âI always wondered what itâs like to have a sibling,â Steve admitted one day after a particularly grueling training session. He shot you a crooked smile. âNow I think I know. Youâre like the big sister I never had.â Â
You laughed, patting his back.Â
You were there for him through every setback and every small victory. You cheered him on when everyone else doubted him, and when Dr. Erskineâs program finally gave him the chance heâd been fighting for, you stood by his side, watching with pride as the scrawny kid from Brooklyn became the man he was always meant to be. Â
â
It took some time, but eventually Steve became Captain America, Bucky joined the Howling Commandos, and Peggy Carter entered the picture, all while you still worked in the diner.
When Steve got the serum, it was clear that he had strength, but power wasnât enough to make a fighterâ he needed control, precision, and strategy. Thatâs where you came in.
You, the one who had taught him how to throw a proper punch back in the day, now started teaching him how to wield his new strength. It wasnât easyâhe was clumsy with his punches, and the weight of his new body sometimes threw him off balance.Â
âSteve, if you keep flailing like that, youâre gonna end up punching yourself,â you said with a laugh, sidestepping one of his overzealous swings. âRelax. Donât just throw your weight around.â
He listened, and he was a fast learner. Still, there was one thing he struggled with: pulling his punches. He was always so afraid of hurting you, even after you told him countless times that youâd been knocked out by opponents twice his size.
âRogers, if you donât stop holding back, I swearâŠ,â you joked, dodging one of his half-hearted jabs with a grin. âCâmon, pal. Iâm tougher than I look.â
When he finally let loose, landing a punch that sent you stumbling, you got back up with a wide grin and slapped him on the back. âNow thatâs what Iâm talking about.â
Then, it wasnât long before you crossed paths with Peggy Carter.Â
It had been a long day, and Steve suggested winding down at a little bar nearby. When he mentioned Peggy would be joining you, you werenât sure what to expect.
Steve grinned as he led you to a booth to introduce you to his best girl.Â
âPeggy, this is the closest thing Iâve ever had to a big sister,â he introduced. âBucky and her have been beating sense into me since before the serum.â
Peggy tilted her head with a curious smile. âSo youâre the reason Captain America knows how to throw a punch.â
You shrugged, leaning back in your chair. âIâll take partial credit.â
Peggy laughed, and you knew you liked her immediately. By the end of the night, the two of you were swapping stories about training mishaps and stubborn soldiers. Peggy told you how she had to convince command to let her lead plan her first mission, and you shared how youâd had to prove yourself, over and over again, just to get a place in the ring.
One day, on a girlâs night out, Peggy gave you a small smile. "You and I," she said, raising her glass, "weâre proof that they canât keep us out forever."
You clinked your glass against hers, a grin tugging at your lips. "Damn right."
Meanwhile, Bucky and Steve watched from across the room. "Well, at least theyâre not plotting our demise," Steve joked.
Bucky smirked. "Not yet, anyway."
The two of them couldnât help but feel a mix of pride and relief that their best girls had found kindred spirits on each other.Â
But Bucky, even after everything, was still the most important thing in your world.Â
Whenever he was on leave, it didnât matter if you were behind the counter at the diner or preparing for a fight, heâd stride in, his grin lighting up the room, âMiss me, doll?â Â
Youâd always laugh, wiping your hands before letting him scoop you up, spinning you around like he hadnât just been through hell on the front lines. âOf course I do,â youâd say.
Soon enough, the diner became a second home for his friends, too. Steve and Peggy were regulars now, often stopping by to âcheck inâ and conveniently sticking around long enough to tease you both. Â
âYou do realize this is a diner, not Loverâs Lane?â Steve muttered one afternoon, as Bucky leaned over the counter to steal a kiss from you. Â
âRelax, punk,â Bucky shot back, âDiners are meant for romance.â Â
Peggy snorted into her coffee.Â
You rolled your eyes, though you couldnât stop the smile on your face. âYou two are lucky I like you. Otherwise, Iâd be banning you from my workplace.â Â
âOh, donât mind us,â Peggy smirked, âWeâre just here to make sure youâre both behaving yourselves. Someone has to.â Â
Bucky chuckled, leaning down to press a kiss to your temple.Â
Outside the diner, life felt a little closer to normal when you were with him. After a long shift, Bucky would walk you home, his hand laced with yours, talking about anything and everything. And on Thursdays, the routine youâd started long agoâsparring and training togetherâpicked up like youâd never stopped. Â
âCome on, doll, youâre getting slow on me,â Bucky teased as he dodged your punch with ease. Â
âOh, donât start,â you said, shaking the sweat from your face. âIâve been working all day while youâve been out being a national hero.â Â
âNational hero, huh?â He lunged, grabbing you by the waist and tossing you to the mat in one swift motion. You squealed, laughing as he pinned you down, his face inches from yours. Â
âUnfair,â you breathed, chest rising and falling beneath him. Â
âWhatever,â he replied, his voice low as his lips hovered over yours. Â
The adrenaline from sparring always seemed to spill over into something more. His kisses were hungry, desperate, like he was trying to memorize every inch of you. You clung to him just as tightly, afraid to let him go.
As the war raged on, every moment you spent with him became more precious. You knew the world was unpredictable, but the love you shared with Bucky was always going to be there.Â
âYou know youâre my whole world, right?â he murmured one night, pulling you close as you lay tangled together in his bed. Â
You pressed a kiss to his collarbone, your hand tracing lazy patterns across his chest. âI do. And youâre mine.â Â
â
Eventually, with Buckyâs encouragement and the promise of a better-paying job, you finally made the decision to quit the diner. It wasnât an easy choiceâit had been a second home to you, even if it wasn't always great. But deep down, you knew the leaving it behind meant more than just moving on; it meant you were contributing to the war effortÂ
Your last day at the diner was filled with bittersweet goodbyes. The regulars stopped by one last time to wish you well. Your coworkers hugged you tighter than they ever had before.
As you wiped down the counter for the last time, the bell above the door jingled, and there he wasâBucky, waiting for you with that charming grin you loved so much. He held the door open for you, and you canât help but glance back at the diner one last time. Â
âItâs hard saying goodbye to this diner,â you admitted, âItâs where we first met, after all.â Â
Bucky couldnât help but smile, his mind replaying the memory. âI guess weâll always owe this place,â he said as you bumped your shoulder against his. Â
Buckyâs hand found yours. He held it them next morning, too, as you walked into your new job.
When the Howling Commandos needed someone to lead their hand-to-hand combat training, Steve, Peggy, and Bucky had all recommended you for the job
You werenât being sent to the front lines, but that didnât mean your role wasnât important. You were training the very soldiers who would be out there, fighting for freedomâand survival. Â
The first day you stepped into that training room, it felt right. Like this was where you were always meant to be. Â
The soldiers were skeptical at firstâsome underestimated you, others simply didnât know what to expect. But it didnât take long to prove yourself. By the end of the first session, one of the Howling Commandos, rubbed his jaw after taking one of your punches. He muttered with a mix of admiration and disbelief, âDamn, youâve got a hell of a right hook.â Â
The work was challenging, physically and emotionally, but it was more fulfilling than anything youâd ever done before. For the first time in your life, you felt like you were part of something bigger than yourself. You werenât just teaching soldiers how to fightâyou were teaching them how to survive, how to protect each other, how to come home. Â
â
Still, no matter how exhausting your days became, no matter how tough the training sessions with Bucky and Steve, you always found your way back to boxing.Â
One particular night, after months spent shaping soldiers into fighters, you found yourself standing in the center of the ring once more. The lights above were blinding, the roar of the crowd thunderous, but you blocked it all out. Your focus was razor-sharp on your opponent.
The fight had been brutalâpunch after punch, your muscles screamed in protest, and your lungs burned as you pushed yourself harder than ever before. But you werenât about to give up. With every blow you landed, you felt the fight shift in your favour. And then, with one final, decisive punch, your opponent hit the mat.
The refereeâs hand shot into the air, signaling your victory, raising your gloved hand. The crowd erupted into cheers, the noise almost deafening, but all you could do was stand there, chest heaving, a triumphant smile on your face.Â
Youâd done it.Â
And there they wereâyour people. Steve, Peggy, and Bucky were on their feet in the front row, clapping and cheering. Steve was grinning proudly, Peggy let out a whistle of approval, and the Howling Commandos were, predictably, the rowdiest of the bunch. Dum Dum Dugan was practically hopping up and down, waving a wad of cash in the air as he shouted something about always betting on you.
But none of that matteredânot the crowd, not the title, not even the announcer declaring you the new champion. Because your eyes found Bucky.
He wasnât looking at anyone else. His eyes were locked on you, his grin wide and proud. And then, loud enough for half the arena to hear, he shouted, âThatâs my girl!â
Your heart did a little flip. You couldnât help but laugh, your smile widening as he cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted it again, as if the first time wasnât enough. âThatâs my girl!â
â
But good things rarely ever lasted long.
The week after, Bucky and the Howling Commandos were due to be shipped out again.
You had known the mission Bucky was going on tomorrow was dangerousâBucky didnât have to say it outright for you to understand. Still, he told you about the train, about the perilous mountain pass theyâd be navigating, the rumours of Hydra transporting a shipment of experimental weapons.Â
He tried to brush it off like he always did, throwing in a smirk and a casual wave of his hand, but you werenât fooled. Youâd seen the way his muscles tightened when he thought you werenât paying attention.Â
The night before he left, he was different. There was no playful teasing, no jokes. Instead, he held you like he was afraid to let go, his arms wrapped so tightly around you that it almost hurt, that it almost crushed your lungs. His fingers traced your skin in gentle patterns, trying to memorize every inch of you. His kisses lingered, his lips ghosting over yours like he was trying to make the moment last forever.Â
âIâll come back,â he murmured, his breath warm against your collarbone as the two of you lay tangled together in bed. âYou know meâI canât stay away from you for too long.â
You swallowed hard, nodding against his chest, but the ache in your heart wasnât so easily soothed. You wanted to believe him. God, you wanted to. But that insidious voice in your head whispered otherwise. Every time he walked out that door, there was a chance he might not return. And he knew it, too.
âYou better,â you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper. âOr Iâll come and drag you back myself.â
That got a reaction. His laughter was unguarded, almost inaudible, but it was thereâ a reminder of the boyish charm you fell in love with. âI know you would,â he said, a small smile tugging at his lips. He kissed the crown of your head, his hand tangling in your hair.
You tried to smile, but it faltered when he pulled back slightly. For a moment, he just looked at you, his blue eyes just studied you, the way your eyes brimmed with unshed tears, the curve of your lips, the little furrow in your brow you got when you were trying not to cry.
âI need to tell you something,â he said, his voice barely above a whisper. His hand moved from your cheek to reach into the drawer of the bedside table. âIâve been thinking about this for a while, but⊠I donât want to wait anymore.â
When he turned back to you, his hand held a small gold ring. It was simple, unassuming, but the way he held it made it feel like the most precious thing in the world.
âThis belonged to my family,â he said, his voice rough with emotion. âIt was my grandmaâs. My pa gave it to my ma when he proposed to her. And Iâve been carrying it around, waiting for the right moment, but⊠â He paused, his thumb rubbing over the worn surface of the band, âI-I donât want to wait anymore.â
You felt your breath catch as he shifted closer, his hands trembling just slightly as he held the ring between you. âI love you,â he said, his voice breaking on the words. âI love you more than anything in the world. And I want you to know that, no matter where I am, no matter what happens, youâre it for me. Youâve always been it.â
Tears slipped down your cheeks as he continued, his own eyes bright with unshed emotion. âIfâno, whenâI come back, I want to marry you, to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to make you laugh when youâre mad, and I want to hold your hand when weâre old and gray, and I want to wake up every morning knowing youâre mine.â He smiled faintly, caught on his own when if nerves, âIf youâll have me.â
You couldnât speak for a moment, the lump in your throat too thick to get past. You had refused once, but only because the time wasnât right. It was now.
You nodded, your hands covering your face as a sob escaped you. âYes,â you finally choked out, your voice breaking. âYes, Bucky. Of course.â
Relief flooded his features, and his smile grew wider, brighter, as if the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. He slipped the ring onto your finger, and when he looked back at you, there was hope in his eyes.
When morning came, the goodbye was almost unbearable. You had promised yourself you wouldnât cry, that youâd be strong for him. You wanted to send him off with a smile, but as you watched him adjust his uniform, something in you began to break.Â
Your throat burned as you swallowed back the sob, your vision blurring as tears pricked the corners of your eyes. It was all too much, knowledge that this might be the last time you ever saw himâ was too much to bear. Â
âBe careful,â you whispered, your voice trembling as you fidgeted with the golden ring now snug on your finger. His familyâs ring, now your ring. It felt strange and perfect all at once, a tangible reminder of his promise. âPromise me.â Â
He paused after slinging his pack over his shoulder. Stepping closer, he cupped your face in his hands, his thumbs brushing away the tears that had spilled over despite your best efforts. Â
âI promise,â he said, his voice firm, as if willing his words to bend the universe to his will. His lips curved into the faintest of smiles, one that didnât quite reach his eyes but tried to anyway. âI promise, future Mrs. Barnes.â Â
Before you could say anythingâbefore you could beg him to promise again, to swear itâhe kissed you. It wasnât like the soft, lingering kisses of the night before. This kiss was desperate. It was the kind of kiss that left no words unsaid, the kind that told you, I love you and Iâm scared, too.Â
It felt like it lasted a lifetime and a heartbeat all at once. And when he finally pulled back, his forehead rested against yours,Â
âIâll see you soon,â he murmured, his voice cracking.
You nodded, biting down hard on your trembling lip.Â
And then he was gone. Â
You didnât know then that the promise he made, the kiss he gave, would be the last. That somewhere out there, on that icy train, heâd fall. Â
One moment he was thereâyour Bucky, your future, the love of your life. And the next, he was gone. Â
Just like that, the world youâd built together collapsed.
â
Present day.Â
As he finished the story, Bucky stared out across the park, his hands clasped so firmly in his lap that his knuckles were white. His voice, when it came, was barely more than a whisper. âI havenât looked for her.â
Sam turned toward him, âWhy not?â he asked, curiosity laced with a thread of concern.
Bucky didnât answer immediately. His eyes stayed fixed ahead, on a couple walking hand-in-hand down the gravel path. His throat bobbed as he swallowed hard. âBecauseâŠâ He faltered, his voice breaking. âBecause⊠what if sheâs moved on? What if sheâs happy? What if she found someone who could give her everything I never could?â
âI want that for her,â he continued, âI really do. But if I saw itâif I saw her happy with someone elseâit wouldâŠâ His breath hitched, and he gritted his teeth against the emotion threatening to spill over. âItâd break me. It would break my goddamn heart.âÂ
He closed his eyes briefly, the confession leaving him feeling vulnerable in a way he hadnât felt in years. Saying it out loud made it real, too real. It was selfish, he knew it. The idea that her happiness without him could cut deeper than anything Hydra had ever doneâ it was shameful.Â
But it was true.
Sam didnât interrupt, didnât make a joke to break the tension like he usually did. Instead, he leaned forward. âYou ever think it might be worth it?â he asked. âThat you owe it to yourselfâto herâto find out?â
Bucky shook his head, barely moving at all. His voice was so quiet it was almost lost beneath the rustling leaves. âWhat if sheâs still alive?â he whispered, trembling. âWhat if she knows of the winter soldier? She doesnât need that. I want her to remember the guy who used to rent out whole gyms just so she could train in peace. The guy who made her laugh when she was too hard on herself.â His hands unclenched for a moment before balling into fists. âShe doesnât need to know⊠whatever Iâve become.â
Sam rested his elbows on his knees. âYouâre not that guy anymore, Buck,â he insisted. âAnd maybe she knows that. Maybe she doesnât. But thereâs only one way to find out.â
Buckyâs lips pressed into a tight, thin line. âI know,â he murmured, barely audible. He paused, his eyes dropping to his lap. âBut some things are better left in the past.â
Sam sat back, crossing his arms. âWell,â he said finally, âIf you ever change your mind, Iâll help you track her or her family down. You know I will. I did the same for Steve when he was looking for you.â
Buckyâs lips twitched into the faintest hint of a smile, though it was weighted with sadness, a shadow of what it might have been. âIâll think about it,â he said, promising more to himself than to Sam.
â
Sakaar, the present day.
The Grandmaster lounged lazily in his towering throne, a smug grin curling on his lips as he raised his hand to summon his favorite gladiator. The crowd roared, their cheers echoing off the walls of the arena. He leaned forward, his voice dripping with playful menace as he announced, âLetâs give them a show!â
You stepped out into the fighting ring, the scorching sunlight blazing down on the cracked red clay beneath your feet.Â
The crowdâs noise erupted to a fever pitch as you emerged, spear gripped tightly in your calloused hands. Your armor, scuffed and battered, bore the marks of countless battlesâa testament to your years in this godforsaken planet as a fucking gladiator.
And there it was.Â
Another monster.Â
This one was massive, its frame shrouded in shadow until it trudgesfully into view.Â
It has razor-sharp claws, slavering jaws, glowing eyes filled with animalistic rage. It snarled, its roar shaking the very ground beneath you. Just another in a long line of beasts youâd been sent to kill.
You squared your shoulders and adjusted your grip on the spear. Four years. Four fucking years of endless combat, of living for Sakaarâs entertainment, of surviving by sheer willpower and instinct.Â
God, you were tired. So tired.Â
It was the kind of exhaustion that no amount of rest could cure. Each swing of your weapon, each step into the ring, felt harder than the last. The adrenaline that once surged through you in the boxing ring was now a dull hum. It was replaced by the weariness built by fighting too many battles with no end in sight.
But you had no choice. This was your life now.Â
Fight, survive, repeat.Â
You chuckled bitterly to yourself. The irony wasnât lost on youâonce, you wouldâve given anything for the chance to fight every day. You wanted to. But now, that choice was stripped away, you had no option but to fightâand winâif you wanted to live to see another day.
The monster roared again, snapping you back to the present. You took a deep breath, steadying yourself.
You planted your feet firmly on the ground, a stance you mastered during your time in the ring. The crowd was deafening, their bloodlust clearly. They wanted a fight, and the Grandmaster would not tolerate anything less.
âOh, how I wish you were here,â you muttered to yourself, fiddling with the ring Bucky gave you, now hanging off a silver chain around your neck. The words werenât a prayer; they were longing for a lost love that now felt like a distant dream.
So you raised your spear, and you fought, because you knew Bucky would want you to.
-end(?)
Taglist as per the December Posting Schedule: @ailoda @intelligenceofapineapple @unclearblur @hextech-brosÂ
Synopsis- Youâve lived your whole life haunted by monstersârelentless, painful, and unyielding. But your life changed at a winter carnival, when a fortune teller told you that your fate was woven with a man youâve never met before. Kim Taehyung. Your life changed when she asked you to choose wisely this time because the last time, you and he couldnât do it.Taehyung changed everything. He brought light to your darkness, hope to your despair. But that light came with shadows of its own. Because he wasnât yours to keep. Now, all you want is one thing: not to fail this time. To rewrite your story and make the ending yours.
Alternatively
In which you finally get that one chance to tell each other- I love you- once more.
Paring- Kim Taehyung Ă Reader
Genre - Past lovers to ??/ Reincarnation
Warnings-TW- Hallucinations/ Auditory hallcinations/ Past abuse/ Suicidal thoughts. / Language/ SMUT- Make out/ Breast play/ Some public stuff/ Oral (M.recieving) (while driving)/ Oral (F.recieving)/Doggy/ Missonary/ Spoon Sex/ Unprotected Sex/Creampie/ Mutiple orgasms/ Degradation (Slut)/ Bondage/ Overstimulation/ Usage of sex toys/ INFIDELITY
Word count - 16k+
a.n/ Well, this one is requested by lovely @bubu2sworld because she thought they deserved more. So, here I am writing a sequel to my baby CLOSURE, when I never thought I will. Still, if you think the closure ended the way it should you can totally ignore this but to anyone who thinks they deserve more, this is for you. And I'm not sure if you can read this as a standalone because it's kind of connected. Anyway, thank you for the love yous showed you to the closure and I hope you'll like this one as well. â€ïž
Read the original here- Closure
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now
Taehyung feels like a void. Thereâs an emptiness inside his body. Heâs certain that heâs no longer made of flesh and bones. There are no organs. Itâs just skin. Skin and the emptiness underneath it. He feels hollow. Nothing makes him full anymore. Nothing stirs him anymore. Happiness, love, fear, anger, nothing. Not even sadness. Itâs empty. Or maybe itâs all sadness. Perhaps heâs lived with sadness for so long that it no longer feels like an emotion, but a part of him. Itâs ripping him apart. It makes him detach from his surroundings. He almost doesnât notice the figure that entered the living room. Itâs only after that person creates a clanking sound does he tear his gaze away from the empty wall heâs been staring at.
It's her. With two wine glasses and a bottle of wine in her hand.
Birthday.
Her birthday.
Taehyung had completely forgotten it.
She has a sweet smile on her face. A smile that is enough to brighten someone elseâs soul. Yet Taehyung feels nothing. Not even a flicker of warmth. He wants to see a certain cunning smile instead of that bright one. She stops midway as she takes sight of him. A sigh leaving her mouth. Despair clouding her bright features.
Taehyung is a great disappointment for everyone. He would like to change that yet doesnât know how. Heâs hopeless. Oh, how everything was just fine before that day. He would never call it cursed because no, it was a blessed day. But now, itâs bitter on his tongue that he feels bile rising to his throat.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ.
Now
You sit on the rooftop of your apartment building. At the edge. Youâre fifteen stories high. This is your favorite place. Itâs empty and free of annoying tenants. Thereâs no people to ask how youâre doing when clearly, youâre doing worst.
And this is the place you hate the most at the same time. Because, when thereâs no other sounds, voices in your head get so much clearer, louder, and inescapable. When thereâs no one else around, the monsters who lurk around you become realistic as theyâve ever been.
This is your life. Youâve always lived with the monsters. Always get along with the voices. It has been like that since you were a little girl. Since you started living with your aunt. She never wanted you. And she made sure you knew that. When it all became unbearable, the voices and monsters came to keep your alone soul company. Itâs not that they are always there. No, there were better days. There were months. Even years where you lived a normal life. You tried to get help. To make yourself better. But every time something goes wrong, theyâd return. Like now. Itâs been months since theyâve ever left your side. And thereâs only so much pain someone can endure. Only so much sleepless nights and heartbreaks someone can bear. Youâve reached your limit.
You need this unbearable pain to end. Want it to be gone. You want to sleep peacefully even if itâs for a second. You want the bloody lady whoâs waiting patiently for your demise, with her face beaten up to a pulp, to leave you alone. She wonât. No matter how much you beg. You hate her.
âJump! End it. Do it now. You think this pain will go away on its own? It wonât. Youâll suffer forever unless you listen to me.â
She wonât leave you alone till you jump. She has your auntâs voice.
This is not her. Right?
âNo one needs you. No one ever did. Youâve been a burden since the day you were born. Do you think anyoneâs life would be worse without you? Theyâd be better off.â
âFucking leave, me alone!â
âJump!â
Oh, how tempting that is. She will leave you if you listen to her.
âNobody needs you.â
Oh, you know.
âNobody loves you.â
Taehyung did. He did, right? He loved you. Itâs just how things have turned out.
âJUMP!â
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ
Six Years Ago
Taehyung lived a pretty normal life. Ordinary, yet undeniably happy. He had everything. A college degree. An acceptable and highly paid job. Idiotic friends who he loved dearly. Good parents. And above all, a girlfriend who loved him like he was her sun and moon. He lived his life to the fullest. Their story wasnât the stuff of movies. He didnât meet her while saving the world, nor were they enemies-turned-lovers, childhood best friends, or two strangers sharing a single bed for a night.
It was simple. Taehyung met her at a Halloween party at a frat house. She looked beautiful. He asked her out and she said yes. And they started dating. Everything was going fine. Until it wasnât.
Only if he knew that one moment, a fleeting encounter is enough to change someoneâs life, he would never have said yes to Namjoonâs invitation to join him at a winter carnival. Well, there was no way he could see the future. He said yes. And he waited till Namjoon arrive. He was with his girlfriend and other two best friends. They laughed and joked. Smoked and waited. He was living his best life. Love of his life pressed against his body. Surrounded by people he loved.
Thatâs when Namjoon came. Not alone though. He had company, in a shape of a woman who looked like a lilliput next to his friend.
You.
Wrapped in a winter coat that was too big for you. Had a beanie that covered your hair that made Taehyung wondered what color it was. Had big eyes that doesnât had any light in them. You werenât smiling. You werenât bowing. If anything, you stayed stony. Dull. Annoyed.
But hell, how he felt a skip in his heartbeat. Taehyung never believed in the movie effect. It was a dramatic lie they created. In real life, thereâll be no slowing down of time. The world wonât disappear for a fractured second. Sounds wonât lower down into white noises. If it didnât happen the time he met his girlfriend, then there was no chance of it happening again. He was sure about his love. How wrong he was, though. Because at that split second, it all happened. Everything slowed and blurred away so he can take a good look at you. You only turned slightly to look at him. Then you didnât look away for that second. You hold his gaze. Taehyung felt his heart beating in his throat. He felt completely enamored by an angel whose wings were clipped. Angel who looked like the devil.
And you gave him a tiniest hint of a smile.
And in that instant, the universe seemed to realignâa stellar collision in the making.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ..
Six Years Ago
You sat at a round table draped in a black tablecloth. That was the stupidest youâve ever felt. And that was the most foolish decision you've ever made. You normally made a lot and that said everything about how stupid it was to sit inside a tent of a fortune teller. In a stupid carnival. It was the idea of the guy who was in all black. Tattoos and piercings. Later you learnt the name to be Jungkook. That day you hated his guts for forcing all of you to sit in front of a woman who wore a midnight blue cape. A hood covering her white hair. Her eyes glued specifically on you as all of you settled down. Odd. Yet, she did stare at you from the very moment you reluctantly entered the tent. Unsettling.
There were stars dangling from the tentâs ceiling and smell of burning incense gave you a headache. And the smoke had made you dizzy. It all looked funny. Everything. The woman was a fraud, you were certain. But Jungkook guy was excited about spending his money over a con-artist. You wanted to leave. Namjoon had his hand on your thigh, though.
You shouldâve never agreed to Namjoonâs plans. You werenât someone meant to be socializing. No, you were someone to isolate yourself from the people. Thatâs the way you helped yourself. See now, there were your own ways to deal with your own problems. That came in shapes of hallucinations and voices. You had bad and unhealthy coping mechanisms. When neither therapists nor psychiatrists could help, you found the best way to deal with them was to become a bad bitch. Tough. Bad enough so people wonât get close to you just to hurt you in the end. You became selfish so you wonât be hurt when other people are. Being the bad person gave you the control you always seek. The control you never had.
Namjoon should never have brought you there. Not just because you hated it but because that day was what caused your great dismay in the long run.
That day, without even you knowing properly you had started a journey that turned out to be pretty ugly. And beautiful. It started when Jungkook guy showed his hand toward the woman. Palm out. Hoping she would read his future. She had dismissed him. Her eyes was still on you. Felt like glowering competition to you that time. Then right at the time you were about ask âwhat the fuck is wrong with herâ, she had spoken in a strained voice.
âAh, your threads... tangled, woven too tight.â
âSorry what?â
âYour fates, child. The strands of your lives. Twisted together, bound as one.â
âI donât understand a shit youâre talking about.â
âYou will, in time. Your destiny is knotted with his.â
She had tilted her head to her right. Silver haired man, who was the bad influence on Jungkookâs soul. The other one who had insisted this was a fun idea had perked up. You knew he was Jimin beforehand.
âWhat? With me?â
âNo, not you, dear boy. Him.â
She had pointed a bony finger to the man who sat next to Jimin. The man who had burnt his hand earlier because he accidentally touched the butt of the cigarette he was smoking. All because he stared at you like you were a ghost. No. That wasnât the case at all. He had stared at you like you were an angel.
You never learnt how to explain that moment. Youâve never seen him before. Not even a glimpse of him. But he had stared at you like he knew you for ages. And you had felt that too. A strange sensation in your heart. A tug. A sting. How it was odd. You never meant to smile at him. You donât smile at strangers. But you did to him. It was strange.
Then there as you listened to an old fraud talk crap, you had notice he has mismatched eyes. He sat far away from you. The place had shitty lighting. Yet you did notice that. Maybe that was because you were at a staring contest back again. Your heart beating violently and breathing getting ragged.
âYou carry the weight of a past undone. Shadows of a life lived before. A tragedy. Youâve crossed paths now to mend what was broken... or to fail once more. Beware. Cycles repeat, and pain lingers. Choose wisely this time.â
You almost didnât hear her. The man across from you was enchanting.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ.
Six Years Ago
âHereâs your drink.â
That was the first moment the man, who apparently carried unresolved issues from your past life spoke to you. While placing a hot cup of cocoa on the picnic table in front of the food stall. You were looking at the Ferris Wheel. Glinting with thousands of multicolored tiny lights. How magnificent. Yet you knew it wonât look the same in the morning. It was an allusion. Another scam. Without the tiny lights it would look hollow. Like how you were. If anyone couldâve stared deep into your soul, or if anyone could see your bare soul, they would see how ugly you were. How scarred and hollow you were. Youâve been thinking about that when the intrusion had come. You had averted your eyes from the enchanting scene of Ferris Wheel to the man who stood next to you. Had glared at him with skeptical eyes.
âOh, sorry- Namjoon asked me to take this to you.â
âThanks.â
You were a well-guarded person. You never allowed others to get close to you. When it was slowly happening, you made sure to hurt them enough that theyâll run away. But it was always better to never let them come close to you than hurting them later. Only exception in your life was Kim Namjoon. So, you were thoroughly annoyed when the man with black hair and mismatched eyes proceeded to sit next to you. It was only you two there.
âI didnât invite you to join me Mister.â
âOh, fuck, sorry, I-IâŠâ
He had such an adorable expression. Eyes wide in panic and face starting to flush in embarrassment. You hated how your heart had pained at the sight.
âNo... no... I mean thatâs fine. Like, I mean, I could use some company.â
And like youâve never made him uncomfortable; he had grinned widely. He had a boxy smile. Beautiful. You had found a split second of a moment where your guard had slipped away from you. You found it impossible to avert your gaze away from his lips.
âSo, how do you think our fates are tangled up? How do you think weâre going to mend whatâs broken.â
âOh, câmon, donât tell me you believe those bullshits too.â
âBullshits?â
âYes, Mister, that was a scam. Thatâs how sheâs earning money.â
And he had grinned even more widely. You were being hostile. He didnât deserve those kinds of harsh treatments. Hadnât done anything wrong to you. Yet, there he was. Smiling.
âYeah maybe... maybe not... Namjoon told me youâre a photographer?â
âThatâs part time. I just love photography.â
âWell, then maybe youâll be the photographer in my wedding. Thatâs how our fates are connected.â
âOh, youâre getting married soon?â
âNo, not soon but Iâll be proposing to her soon. I donât know when but..â
âAh!â
For no clear reason, you had felt a pain. A deep sting in your heart. You didnât want to admit it but strangely it hurt.
âAnd my nameâs Kim Taehyung.â
He had stretched his hand for you to shake. You didnât. You ignored him completely. Because you felt hurt.
âI didnât ask for your name.â
âThatâs fine. Itâs my choice to tell you.â
To your horror, he patted your head then. Your damn head. Over your stupid beany. You never believed the feeling of time slowing down. That moment, though, that happened. You had gaped at him with wide eyes.
His mismatched eyes were the most beautiful youâd ever seen.
And beneath one of them rested a small mole.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ
Six Years ago
After months. For the first time since Namjoon returned you had a night terror that night. Wasnât the usual one. Instead of running away from your aunt, you saw a flashing lights of a truck. Then you felt the pain. Endless pain. And there was the Taehyung. You saw him crying. Broke your heart into tiny million pieces before you open your eyes.
Your monsters returned that night.
You knew someone was under your bed.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ.
Five years ago
Taehyung never expected to see you again. He missed you, however. Taehyung didnât think it was possible to miss someone he had met just for such a short time. To miss someone who was hostile to him for no reason. He did. He missed the stony-faced rude girl dearly. Funny, considering he had only spoken to you for ten minutes at most, exchanging barely fifty words. Yet, you haunted his memories for a year. In a good way. Taehyung thought it was because he was curious. Curious as to know what made you, you. The indifferent one. What stole your light. To know who clipped your wings. Or it was because of the fortune teller. Whatever the reason was, he couldnât deny that he thought about you quite often.
True, Namjoon was still a best friend of his and he had all the opportunities to ask about you. Yet, he didnât. He couldnâtânot with a girlfriend and Jungkookâs mention of you being Namjoonâs lifelong crush. He blamed all the messed-up sensations he felt on the winter air and bright lights on the carnival. He always loved the winter. Besides he was comfortable with his girlfriend. There were no reason to ruin that. Only if that was the plan of universe as well. It wasnât.
He was at his favorite Samgyeopsal place that day. Place always had long queues in the evenings for takeouts. He couldâve ordered online. But the restaurant always messed up the online orders. Every good thing has its tiniest flaw. He stood as the fourth person in the long line when someone cut the line. Pushed their tiny self in between Taehyung and the person in front of him. A scowl formed in Taehyungâs forehead. Was about to confront them when an icy voice muttered an apology.
âSorry but Iâm late to the strip club.â
Late to where?
Then they had turned. Had looked at him with wide eyes. No light in them. Just hollow and dull.
You.
Once again, Taehyung felt the same effects. The hustle and bustle of Samgyeopsal place had vanished. Only person remaining in the room was you. Gaping at him with your mouth adorably open. And he knew you recognized him.
âOh, you. Taehyung?â
âUh- Hi!... Didnât expectââ
âArenât you going to yell at me?â
âYell at you for what?â
âFor cutting the line?â
âOh, itâs fine itâs you.â
âThatâs bad Sailor⊠You need to learn to treat people fair.â
You had said something else. But he didnât hear them. No. Something was happening to him. Something strange. He was in pain. Not physically. It was internal. His heart was aching. He wanted to hug you. Touch you. Knew you would slap his face hard enough for him to lose some of his teeth if he tried, though. That was the moment he realized he wasnât just missing you. He was longing for you.
âHey! Taehyung? You okay?â
âHuh? Yeah, of course. Bu-but I know you, so itâs fine.â
âYou donât know me at all. Three hours spent on a carnival a year ago doesnât count.â
True. You told the truth. That was the period of time he knew you. Three hours from a long day. A year ago. Yet there he was, fighting the urge to touch you. The line was getting shorter. Sooner you wouldâve been the person to take your order and vanish again. He didnât want that. Something was pushing him to change that. At least you werenât being so hostile toward him that day.
âLetâs dine in.â
âWhat?â
âI donât know you so, letâs change that. Have dinner with me.â
Taehyung had waited with bated breath for you to turn the offer down. You didnât. All you had done was smirk. And that smirk was cunning. It was the most beautiful he has ever seen.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ
Five years ago
You should never have agreed to have dinner with a stranger. Taehyung was a stranger to you. Handsome and adorable in his sweater, yes. Yet he was still a stranger. Despite everything, you had to stick with one piece of advice your aunt gave you.
Stranger is a Danger!!!!!!
And that was the only time you disobeyed that advice.
You inspected his mismatched eyes while stuffing your mouth. The eyes youâve missed. It wasnât possible but you did. It was either your monsters and the voices inside your head or a pair of mismatched eyes and a mole. A boxy grin that kept you awake at night. No matter how hard you tried to keep the thoughts sunk, Taehyung always found a way.
âWhat?â
âHuh? Nothing. Are you sure your girlfriend wonât mind you being late?â
You had frozen. It was just like that first time. When you sat at a picnic table looking at a Ferris Wheel. It hurt to hear him say heâs about to get engaged. But that time to hear he is finally engaged; it felt like a knife piercing through your heart.
Why?
There was no reason. You didnât even know him. You were strangers. Was that love from first sight? Bullshit. You never believed in those kinds of fairy tales. You mightâve so broken that you start to feel pain for the things you shouldnât. But you couldnât deny that it hurt. Couldnât deny that you felt angry. For no reason.
âYou okay?â
âYes, of course. So, you had an engagement party and didnât invite me?â
âOh, no. There was no party. I just proposed to her. Had Jungkook and Jimin singing âAll of meâ. That was it.â
âThank God, you didnât invite me. Canât stand those two people.â
It was a joke. A distraction from the pain you felt. Taehyung understood it. Showed you that boxy grin. Only thing it did was intensify the pain, however. You needed to leave. Wanted an escape. Felt suffocating to be in his presence. You nearly had it when you excused yourself for bathroom. But life had different plans.
âOh, I knew it was you.â
Shaky voice had interrupted you. A voice you never wanted to hear in your entire life. You were having chills even before you turn around to confirm that the voice belonged to the same person who made your life a living hell. It was. In a blink of an eye, you were staring into the wrinkled face of your aunt. You abuser.
Despite all the effort you had put into coping with your trauma. Despite how hard you worked to develop a cold heart and a strong mind that wonât break at simple matters, you pathetically started breathing heavily. Right at the moment your eyes landed on her. A loud ânoâ chanting inside your head. Screams starting to echo. Visions of her bloody face closing toward you starting to cloud your vision. You didnât know she was saying something. You didnât hear a thing. All that you heard was the venom in her voice. Over and over again. Like a mantra. The way she asked you to die.
âNo⊠No, fuck no⊠get away from me.â
You had thought you were saying those words in your mind. In reality though you werenât. It was a period you lost from your life. Where you werenât living in the real world but inside your head. Maybe it wasnât for a long time. But enough for you to cry a river and scream till your throat tasted like blood. You cried for your life. Begging her to save you. Then right at the time you thought there were no escape, it all vanished.
You were sitting on a cold floor of a busy restaurant. People were staring down at you with such horrified looks on their faces. Pity. Fear. You had gaped at them return. The senses finally getting on to you. Your aunt wasnât there anymore. You felt relieved, for a moment. Then had felt helpless. You had a panic attack in front of so many people. You hated it when they looked at you like you were a wounded, caged animal. You wanted to disappear but couldnât help the new tears escaping from you. Thatâs when you felt the warmth behind your back. Next you noted the arms wrapped around your petite figure. Lastly a soothing voice reached your ears.
âHey, itâs okay. Itâs fine. Youâre fine. I got you.â
Taehyung was gently rocking you. Like you were a child. Nobody in your entire life had held you like that. Not even Namjoon because you never fell apart in front of him. For your whole damn, painful life you had no one to hold you.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ..
Five years ago
Taehyung had refused to let you go home alone. You were annoyed partially but happy mostly. It was embarrassing enough that he saw what he saw. But he didnât leave you. No matter how hard you tried that day. Which was a great mistake. He shouldâve listened to you. Shouldâve left you to manage your own miserable life.
He didnât. Even though you hated it, you had to let the guy enter your safe space. Your apartment. A place that never felt like home at all. You thought it shouldâve felt more pathetic as you sat on the couch. Waiting for a stranger to bring you a glass of water. You shouldâve felt more helpless to have been pampered by a stranger in your own house. Strangely though you didnât. You felt secretly relieved. Because you werenât alone. You knew, all the voices and monsters were about to mess up your entire night that day. There was no way they would leave you alone after what happened. So, you were grateful for him. Even though you didnât tell him that.
But then after a few hours of just sitting there in silence, he had stood up to leave.
âWell, I should go then. She... uh- you know, Iâm late.â
You panicked. Hard. So hard that you had jumped toward him. Had hold on to his arm before he could take a single step away from you. You were scared. Didnât want to be alone. Not even for a minute. It was ridiculous how you blurted out suggestions as if it were natural. Like you knew him. As if you hadnât acted all tough and annoyed at him earlier. The thing is, though, he made you feel safe.
âWant to hit the club with me?â
âWhat?â
âI mean, itâs going to be fun. Be spontaneous sometimes, sailor. Youâre not getting any younger.â
âWhat? This is bit weird you know?â
âWell, you invited me to have dinner with you. You hold me when I was breaking apart. You sat down next to me in my own house like we knew each other for ages. And you said you wanted to change the fact that we donât know each other. So, whatâs so weird about it?â
In addition to being a bad bitch, you were a good manipulator.
âI⊠what club? I mean strip?â
âNo need to be so worried.â
âWait? Do you really work as aâŠâ
âWhat a stripper?â
He hadnât answered that. There was a ghost of a smile on his lips though. And it was enough to heal your scarred soul.
âNo.. Iâm not. I was about to go there as a punter. To a male one. But weâre not going there. Weâre going to a normal one. You know, where thereâs no show going on for you. Wouldâve preferred the strip cub though.â
You had no intention of clubbing that night. You loved clubbing. Getting drunk. High. Stoned. Then getting laid. You did that on the worst nights, though. That night you had thought it would be a good one. Well, things always changed. Yet, Taehyung didnât need to know that. You didnât want him to leave you alone. You had waited with bated breath. Heart pounding violently in your rib cage. Then after some long few tortures minutes he showed you that adorable boxy smile.
âYeah, sure why not. But why though? Why now? Wouldnât sleep help you the best.â
âIt would, but I need someone to exhaust me to sleep. So, sailor, we are going hunting.â
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ.
Five years ago
Taehyung didnât know what had happened to you earlier. He didnât know what caused it. Only that he panicked too. That he wanted to help. While you broke down the floor, he had made sure to force that old lady out of the place. He didnât know who she was. But maybe, he thought, that she was the person who had stolen your light.
And in the end, when you asked him to join you for a club, all he wanted was for you to feel better. Couldnât say no to your eager eyes. Or simply he was reluctant to let you go.
So, he joined you at a club. And had watched, watched, and watched. Sitting at a stool near the bar while sipping on a neat whisky. It burnt his throat, yet he couldnât feel it. His eyes were on the dance floor. On the figure there who was tangled up with a strange man.
He felt bile rising up to his throat. Regretted ever agreeing to come with you. He felt so fucked up at the sight of you grinding shamelessly with another man. It was a mixture of feelings. He felt bothered. An urge to rip you away from the man who was squeezing your ass cheeks like there were no tomorrow. Then he felt a stir in his lower stomach. Which had nothing to do with feeling bothered. No. It had everything to do with the way his heart was beating madly. About to leap away. It had everything to do with how he couldnât look away, no matter how much he wanted to.
You were fucking captivating. Dancing under the disco lights. Your movements were deliberate. The way you swayed your hips. The way you had wrapped your hands around the strangerâs neck. Your lips an inch away from him. Taehyung knew the stranger must be smelling the alcohol on you. Taehyung knew the stranger must be feeling your soft breaths on his lips. Knew it must be tingling. You had your perfect breasts pressed against the strangerâs chest. Taehyung knew they must be feeling so soft. You had your hips tightly pressed against the stranger. And so, Taehyung knew the stranger must be having the time of his life by feeling your soft flesh against his hardened dick.
Taehyung shouldnât have thought about that in the first place, but he did. And it wasnât that he thought about the way the lucky bastard might feel. No, Taehyung was simply imagining it himself. Watching you move from a distance, and he was imagining it was him. With you. It was him having the time of his life while pressing his hardened dick on to your soft skin. Hardened? Yes, he was rock hard. His pants were too tight in his crotch area. Too hard and the bulge visible that he had to turn away immediately to hide it from your view when you suddenly returned.
âHey there sailor, enjoying the night?â
âEh, canât complain.â
âThatâs not the answer Iâm looking for. Want to join me for a dance?â
âOh, No. No... Iâm fine.â
âYeah? Fine by me then.â
âWhyâd you leave? Looked like youâve caught your prey tonight, hunter?â
âYouâve been watching?â
âUh- no- I- I just saw.â
âItâs fine. He is the catch but itâs a game.â
âGame?â
âMhm. When you want to have good night- I mean a kind of night where you would fall asleep right away, you need to make them desperate.â
You leaned forward. Closer to him. You didnât sit down on the empty stool. Bent down instead. It was a bad idea. Or maybe the bad idea was Taehyung letting his gaze averted from your face to your chest. Your low neckline was doing a poor job hiding whatâs inside. Taehyungâs brain malfunctioned. His mouth went instantly dry. A whimper nearly escaped him at the sight of that delicious cleavage. Perfect. So, fucking perfect. Only he couldâve buried his face in it right there. Only if he couldâve smelled you. And you made it worse.
âSo, I would give them a taste and leave Mr. Kim.â
It was a whisper against his ear. A shiver ran down his spine. It had been a great struggle for him to find his words.
âW-wow, y-youâre a vixen.â
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ
Five years ago
You had frozen. Entirely. A sharp pain coursing through your entire body. Intense and unrelenting. It wasnât entirely physical, but you felt it reverberated through every cell of your being. For a minute, it was like you were having a heart attack. And you were distraught. It felt like grief, as if you'd lost someone dear. That pain was deeply etched to your heart. You were certain that youâd never be able to escape that sensation. Even your eyes started to sting again. Pricking with unshed tears. You couldâve cried. Couldâve made a fool out of yourself for a second time that day. Taehyung had saved you, though. Distracted you with a shaky inhale of his breath. When you turned your sorrowful gaze to him, he was no longer looking at your face. His eyes were fixed on your breast. At the skin that was revealed to his eyes.
You had thought you imagined it when you saw him eyeing your cleavage earlier. He wouldnât do that right? But he was. Shamelessly staring. And a shiver ran through your body. Made you visibly tremble. The painful sensation you were feeling replaced with something more sinful. You couldnât help but let your eyes wander. Roam across his broad figure and stop right under his torso. Fuck! He was hard. Bulge visible. His pants was straining against his hardness. You thought you had conflicting emotions at that moment. Part of you believed he wouldnât do that. And the other part thought you might not be the reason. Then he changed it.
âDoes it work every time?â
When you looked back at his eyes they were on fire. His mismatched eyes. His beautiful brown orbs were burning with desire. Your knees buckled under the intensity of that gaze.
âCourse, it does. What, do you think it wonât work on you?â
It was a dangerous game you were playing. Among every little thing you couldnât take, rejection always held the first place. You mightâve been reading the signs wrong. And the entire situation was so wrong. Not that you cared. You were a bad person. You had done far worst things in your life. However, you believed Taehyung might have cared. He seemed like a good guy. Loyal. So, you had brace yourself for the inevitable rejection when his next words came as a whisper.
âMaybe⊠We should try find out.â
âYou want me to try that on you?â
âPlease.â
That was it. It was all Taehyungâs fault. You couldnât hold responsible for your actions. You were the bad guy, and he was supposed to be the good one. He asked for it. And you, a horny woman who was far too broken to think about morality, had no control over denying that. Above all, you really knew how to play.
âSure thing, sailor. Itâs easy, like this.â
You angled your head, so you were facing him properly. Still, bent down. Made sure you were only millimeters apart from his pink lips, when you spoke again. Wanted him to anticipate a kiss you never were about to give.
âMen are easy you knowâŠâ
You placed your hand on his shoulder. Felt smug and proud when he slightly shuddered. When his muscles tightened under your barely there touch.
âFlashing my tits always make it easier⊠but this way itâs better.â
Dragged your palm down through his chest. He waited patiently. Swallowed harshly. Eyes never leaving yours. You dragged your palm down, down, and down. Through the expanses of his sculptured chest and abs. Didnât even hesitate a bit when you hovered your palm over his crotch. Fighting with yourself not to lose your control and give in right there. Kept your hand there for a few seconds.
âAnd this is the part I love the most, sailor.â
You changed the position of your hand instantly. The poor guy nearly whimpered. Only for a moment though. You never gave him time to mourn the loss when you were grabbing his hand.
âPlease.â
You made sure you mumbled that one word in a way it spills liquid neediness into his brain. Then at the same moment you raised his hand up. Pressed his palm into your left breast. Gave him full privilege of touching your soft mound completely. He moaned. He fucking moaned. So did he understand what you meant by âpleaseâ. You didnât expect him to jump into action right away. He did and you failed not to moan as well. He squeezed your soft flesh while his breathing got ragged. He did it over and over, repeatedly. You allowed that to happen for how long you have no idea. You almost didnât want it to end. Were simply falling into an ecstasy under his touches. What brought you into reality was when his lips grazed over yours. You withdrew fast as thunder. Completely. Pushed his hand away. Took a moment to compose yourself.
âNot so easy sailor, you should try harder.â
Turned around and walked away with your heart pounding in your throat.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ..
Five years ago
Taehyung had sat there motionless. He was sure his brain was broken. Oh God, everything about this was wrongâwhat heâd done. But his real problem lay elsewhere. Crossing moral boundaries didnât seem to strike him as a bad thing. He had his gaze fixed on your retrieving back. On the sway of your hips. The way you never even looked back. You disappeared at a corner. He knew you went to the bathroom. There was a possibility that you might not return to him. And it hurt Taehyung. Both in his chest and lower. His cock was so hard inside his pants. Hard it hurt. Your breast felt so soft in his hand. Your breath made him sigh in relief. He felt like an animal who works on its instinct. He couldnât control his actions. Especially when he saw that man who had you grinding your hips against him followed you.
Taehyung wasnât prepared to see you leave with another man that night. Not after you had his cock jump at the sight of your cleavage. He worked on autopilot mode. Wasnât seeing clear when he practically sprinted after you. Bumped on the strange man who was halfway there. Only slightly caught you disappearing through the bathroom door. Taehyung didnât give a fuck about the sign that said it was for women. Nor did he care about the shrieks he heard from the few punters who stood near the sinks as he pushed open the door. Only thing he saw was you. Only person who existed there were you. Gaping at him with your wide eyes when he grabbed your arm and turned you around.
âTaehyung!â
âYou canât do that, Vixen. Thatâs so fucking cruel.â
Thats all he said to you before he crashed his lips against yours. His lips lingered for a brief second before moving against yoursâdesperate and rough. Felt relieved, though. Instant relief. Turned you around and pressed you against the bathroom door. You took a minute. Taehyung liked to think you were surprised. Then you gave in willingly. It was the best feeling in the world when you parted your lips without any reluctance when he brushed his tongue against your lips. Seeking permission. You tasted better than anything in the world. You smelled better than anything. You were so soft against his hard body. And you lapped against his tongue like you were gone mad. Sharing one breath and creating a mess of spit. His cock was throbbing bad. He wanted you more than he needed to breathe at that time. You pulled away first. Gasped for air.
âDo y-you realize that w-we have an audience?â
âDonât care.â
He fell back into your lips hungrily. He was pretty sure you wouldâve let him have you right there if it wasnât for some punter saying that they minded. You were forced to withdraw. Taehyung wasnât having it though. He needed you.
âPlease Vixen.â
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ
Five years ago
Taehyungâs desperate plea had affected you far more than he realized. He had turned you on so hard, apparently. Had unleashed a monster. And how he loved that. You were so needy, and impatient. Pretty. Hot. Gorgeous. The most amazing thing he had ever seen.
You and he had stumbled yourself out the club. Not wanting to stop sucking each otherâs lips. It was your idea to go back to your place. And he were just trying to do that, but you were so impatient. Had thrown yourself on him ever since he started driving. Heâd had one drink but couldnât bring himself to care. Wanted nothing more than to go to a place where he can savor and devour you all the much he wanted. He wanted to do it faster, but you were a distraction. You had started it by kissing his neck. Trailing your tongue on his sensitive spot. Then you had escalated it by finally touching his hardened length through his pants. Squeezed and rubbed.
You teased the life out of him. Had played with your cunt, all the while he struggled to keep concentrating on the road ahead. How impossible that was when you bunched up your dress around your waist. Spread your legs and started to rub your cute cunt over your lacy panties. Taehyung was sure heâs going to crash. Then you pushed the fabric to the side. Moaned needily as you pushed a finger inside you. What a show you put for him. You pumped and pumped and pumped. Dripping on to the leather seat of his car.
âHoly fuck, baby. Jesus.â
âNeed you Tae. Oh, fuck I canât... Need more... Can I jerk you? No... no, can I suck you off?â
âFuck, Iâm gonna crash lady.â
âNo, you wonât. Â Câmon you can. Youâre a tough guy arenât you. You can handle a little teasing.â
âOh, fuck⊠you are a vixen. You gonna kill us both.â
You slipped your drenched finger out of your cunt. All he could think was how delicious you would taste. He had opened his mouth before he could think about it. Before you could wipe your finger on your thigh. You took the hint. Pushed your finger inside his mouth gratefully. It was embarrassing but he nearly cried. You did too. Didnât wait a second longer before you were fumbling with his belt. Taehyungâs hips bucked upward involuntarily. His cock twitching as you freed him from the tight confines of his pants.
From there it was a hazy blur. You ruined him. From the very moment your warm lips wrapped around his flushed tip. You were a fucking vixen through and through. Such a tease. Knew exactly what you were doing when you gagged and chocked yourself on his cock. Slurping and drooling. Sucking the life out of him. Keeping him lost in your warmth till his cock throbbed nearing the release and you had stopped. Taehyung complained. Not for real though. He loved every minute of it. And by the time he parked in front of your apartment building, Taehyung was surprised how he even managed that. He took a moment to collect himself as you were still going on it. He was in ecstasy. Immense pleasure. Yet if you had thought he had given you full control, you were so wrong.
He bunched up your hair in his fist. Bucking his hips upward. Pressed you down. Kept you there before let go. You slipped his length out of your mouth. Gasping and panting.
âCum, sailor. Want to taste you.â
He used your hair to straighten you up. Looked at your ruined face. Fucking ethereal.
âYeah, you want that? Too bad, princess. I want to ruin that tight little hole first, fill you up, and make you beg for more. Tell me you'll let me.â
Couldnât help but kiss your wet lips. You nodded into that kiss.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ..
Five years ago
It was the best sex Taehyung had ever experienced. From the very moment you managed to enter your apartment in one piece to where he had you beneath him, his cock stretching your cute cunt open, it all felt like a dream to him. You pulsed around him violently. Frantically. He made you cum twice before having you warming his cock. Both times on his tongue. Sucked and lapped on your cute clit for so long. Overstimulated you to a point you actually cried.
Funny part was that it wasnât about showing you who was in control or taking sweet revenge for the torture you put him during the drive. No, it was entirely his feral desire. The desire to keep lapping against your sweet slick. He was starved. To keep his head buried between your thighs and get drunk on your smell. He was high. He felt inhuman, insatiable. He couldâve gone for days like that. Fingers knuckles buried inside your cunt and massaging that sweet spot. Tongue circling around your twitching clit. Drinking your sweet essence. Unfortunately, though, he had to stop before you became too tired to pleasure his aching cock.
He held on to a loose thread of sanity as he watched you squirming beneath him. Eyes teary and mouth agape. He wanted to move but felt greedy to do so at the same time.
âShit, I donât want to start.â
âY-yeah? Fuck⊠W-why is th-that?â
You giggled beautifully. Breathlessly.
âStarting it means, ending it sometime princess. Donât want to stop.â
He pressed himself more into you. Relished the feeling of your warm walls clenching and unclenching around him. Your warmth. Having you stretched so wide and the sensation of your tightness struggling to adjust to him. Your arousals soaking his length. It was a dream to have you. To fuck you. Raw. He didnât want that to end.
You had gone still at his words, however. Watched him with an unexplainable yet sorrowful expression. And he knew what was coming. He didnât want you to voice that out. You did.
âI hope you know what youâre doing Kim Taehyung.â
Shit. He wanted to silence you. So, he dragged his aching cock back just to slam inside you. It didnât have the desired effect. You moaned loudly and arched your back. Yet before he could repeat his movements, you spoke.
âI hope you realize that youâre cheating Kim Taehyung.â
It shouldâve turned him down the moment those words left your sweet, seductive lips. But how fucked up he was that it didnât make any difference at all. His hunger for you still roared inside him without a hitch. He gave you another harsh thrust.
âI hope you know; youâre an engaged man and you have a fucking fiaââ
âHoly fuck, shut up you little minx. Shut up! Just use that mouth to moan my name, go on.â
He stilled himself inside you. Ground a bit. And opted into an animalistic pace straight away. And you did what youâve been asked for. Moaned his name so sweet that his head spun. Yet there was a single thread of sanity left on you.
âTell me you know Taehyung. Donât go fucking blame me after this.â
âI know. All right. I fucking know. Damn know.â
He leaned forward. Kissed you hard. Withdrew only to grab the underside of your thighs. And to push your legs toward your torse. Bent you in half. Fucked you the hardest he could.
âIt doesnât matter vixen, you know. Itâs only happening this one time. Itâs fine.â
Told to himself more than to you. You had looked at him with void eyes. No emotion. Or not. Taehyung thought you were hurt. But you nodded. Understood. And he threw the care away. You did too. It was all pleasure. Each drag of his cock inside your warm walls. Each hit against your sweet spot. Each clench you made. It all was perfect. Perfect in the way how he wanted more even when he was already buried deep inside you. He wanted more of you. Wanted to make that last long. Especially since it was supposed to happen one time. Taehyung wanted to make you lose your mind. And he did.
Made you hold your own thighs so he can go deeper and harder. Played with your cute clit. All it took was few flicks and you were cuming undone crazily. Had put your legs over his shoulders. Kissed you hard when you came again. Had you on your knees. Yet in the end, he wanted even more. Even when you were so spent. When you lost the ability to stay up on your knees long ago. Taehyung would say it was the only reason why he fell to the bed laying on his side. Got you in the same position. Pulled you to him till your back was pressed against his chest. His hand under your neck. Curled it so you would be even closer. Held your leg up while he entered your warmth again.
Fuck, that was no ordinary way to fuck a one-night stand. He spoon fucked you, while he held you so passionately. Kissing your neck and coaxing you. Praising you for being such good dirty slut for him.
âLike that pretty slut. God, take it. Doing so fine baby. Iâm so close. So close.â
âTaehyung⊠I canâtâŠâ
âYes, you can. You will. Take me baby please. Want to cum deep inside you. Tell me you want that, hm? Tell me you want my cum deep inside your slutty cunt. You gonna keep them inside, donât you?â
âTaehyung pleaseâŠâ
Werenât it the sweetest sound when you moaned his name. And when you add a nice beg in the end.
âI got you baby. Let go one more time for me? I know you got more. You can cum more for me slut.â
âOh, fuckâŠâ
âYeah? Shit, feel so good princess. You feel fucking good. Donât want to fucking stop.â
Taehyung had his face buried in your neck the whole time. Your scent was intoxicating. Addictive. You felt like home. Even though it didnât make any sense. He didnât know you. Not even your name.
âWhatâs your name?â
He never stopped railing your cunt as he blurted the question out. You giggled breathlessly. Taehyung felt you shake against him.
âSeriously, Kim? You- fuck- youâre fucking me to the next week, but you donât know my name?â
âYou never told me.â
âWhy would you want to know my name?â
âSo, I can moan it.â
You told him your name. And Taehyung stuck to his words. Moaned it over and over again. Even moaned it when you were the one who was cuming again. Squeezing around his twitching cock hard. Desperate to milk him. Crying his name. Taehyung held you close because he wanted to. You were so good. And the way you gripped him was the final straw for him.
It was pathetic how he whined. Almost cried when he came. It was otherworldly. The feeling. But it was all over the moment he lost it. The moment his hips stuttered, and he couldnât edge himself anymore. Rope after rope of white cum had shot into the confine of your womb. Satisfactory. He felt whole for a minute before reality had hit him. Bad. It was bad. Even then, he hadnât rushed away from you. No. He had waited till he couldnât anymore. Had cleaned you up despite your half- hearted protests. Â
Eventually, when he gathered himself, you were fast asleep. And the thing that had made Taehyung felt most guilty was the way he kissed you softly before he left.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ..
Four years and four months ago
You never saw him. Not even once since your little dirty tryst. You wanted to ask about him from Namjoon, but your ego was larger than the galaxy. No, you couldnât lower yourself like that. Besides, he had told you it was just a one-time thing. Funny. Normally you left men wanting more. They had always come back. Not Taehyung. You understood though. Just because you felt satisfied to be the bad guy, it doesnât mean he would too. You had fully expected that was the case. That Taehyung would stick to the good. Would do the right thing. Until that day.
It was storming outside. You were in a critical state. A shadow lingered in the corner of your living room, and screams echoed in your mind. You planned to leave the house for a good drink and a hunt that night. That was when you heard the knock on your door. And the person outside it was someone who you never expected to see again.
How ridiculous it was the way you were grinning from ear to ear like a mad woman when you opened the door. Finding a soaked Taehyung, covered in a black hoodie.
âWell, hello, Mr. Kim Taehyung!â
âHi, vixen.â
âYouâre passing by?â
âOne more time. Just one more. I need it, baby, please.â
He startled you with his sudden outburst. You didnât get to ask anything more. Simply because he was lunging at you. You didnât get to do anything more than letting out a surprised yelp when he intruded your house. Lips pressed hard against yours. It was too quick how he thrusted his tongue inside your mouth, taking advantage of the surprised gasp.
All you saw was the door closing behind him before he had your back against the wall next to the door. You kissed him back. You did. Just after the few initial seconds of surprise passed away. Slipped your tongue inside his mouth too. Moaned at the sensation you felt only once before. At the addictive taste. He tasted like winter. You used to hate winter. It was dull and gloomy. But when you were kissing Kim Taehyung, you fell in love with the winter. He was the bright side you never saw. Your head started spinning. Above all, the screams inside your head vanished the moment his lips landed on yours. And you knew the shadow was gone too. You were the one who pulled away, first. You couldâve died if you didnât.
âWh- what are y- you doing?â
âWhat does it look like?â
âThought it was supposed to be that one time?â
âI know Vixen, I fucking know. Can you please- just⊠Fuck- let me fuck you one more time. I just need one more time. Canât get you out of my head.â
Well, you didnât care at all. You were at peace with the information that you were the bad person. If Taehyung wanted to take part in that, you werenât going to stop him. Because you were selfish. He had no idea how much you missed him. How hard the past few months were for you. Your invisible friends have started to annoy your ass more and more since the day you woke up to an empty bed after he fucked you to the next life. That- the day he came back- was the only day you felt relieved. You were not going to play the hero who you never were.
So, of course, you said yes. An eager one. Thatâs all it took for Taehyung. He almost tore your clothes apart. His soaked ones following afterward before he had you straddling his sculptured thighs naked. Sat on your couch, grinding on his bare cock while he lapped against your hardened nipples. You went on it for what felt like hours. Your sticky arousals soaked his hard cock while his saliva made a mess on your tits. He created reddish artwork on your skin. And you clenched around nothing every time.
âWant me to tie you up to your bed, vixen?â
âFuck..â
âHm? Answer me slut?â
âYesâŠ. please.â
âHoly fuck! Gonna make you cum hard baby, donât worry.â
That was your first bondage. You never allowed any man to tie you up to anything. Not even to tie your hands together with their silk ties. It took more than trust to let someone have you that way. You never felt safe. You always wanted to have your control even when you were too drunk to care. You hate it when you donât have that control. With Kim Taehyung, however, you didnât care. You consented to be tied to your bed gratefully. You felt safe. You trusted him more than you trusted yourself.
There was not a single ounce of doubt when he secured the knots around your wrists. There was not a drop of fear when he ate your cunt like you were a full course meal. Not even when you knew heâs going to overstimulate you. He would make you cum until your thighs shake. And you had no safe word. Yet you trusted him. So much. You felt nothing but blissful pleasure when he finally had enough of your taste. His hardened length visibly jumping. You didnât hesitate to tell him where you had your vibrator when he asked for it. Knew you were up to a good time. So, you were.
Your back throat was raw from all the moaning when he finally thrusted inside you. You had missed the stretch so badly. He had the damn vibrator pressed against your already sensitive clit when he started pounding you on to the mattress.
âYou feel good princess?â
âSo- fuck- s- so good Tae... Oh, baby... shit...â
âAhh, shit, such a tight cunt. Just like I remembered. Nobody fucked you after me?â
You only managed to shake your head. It was the truth. Not that you didnât want. You wanted it badly. But nobody felt the same. So, you gave up on the kissing stage.
And he was going to kill you too. It scared you how you didnât know a way to handle that much pleasure. You wanted to touch him. Badly. Your hands itched. Restrains dug scarlet marks into your wrists at how hard you moved your hands against them. It was pure instinct that made you want to claw at his back. You couldnât. That was torture.
âWanna- wannaâŠ.â
âYeah baby? What do you want?â
âWanna touch you⊠Tae please.â
âNo⊠No princess. Just take it. Hm take it. Take my cock like a good slut.â
Itâs not like you had any other options to be fair. You had to take it. And you did graciously. Lost the count of how many times you fell over the edge. Convulsing around him. Somewhere between your fourth orgasm and his first, you lost your senses. Just cried for him to untie you because you wanted to touch. At last, he relented. Untied you. You jumped at the opportunity. Pulled him so close to you. Didnât even mind his weight crushing you. It was just like the first time. You didnât want to end.
âGo again, please, Tae. Again, I want more. Keep filling me up.â
âFuck, sure you can take it?â
âPositive.â
So, he did. Without the vibrator and restraints. And it wasnât a fuck. It was love making. He stared into your soul through your eyes when he gently rocked you into your mattress. Held you close to him the best way he could.
âLetâs cum together baby. Cum with me.â
You didnât know what the best was. Cuming hard when he violently pounded you or when he slowly built the tension and made you let go together with him. Both felt ecstatic. So much your heart broke when it was over. When he cleaned you up and plopped next to you. It was all over again. And you thought you would wake up to an empty bed next day.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ.
Four years and four months ago
You didnât wake up to an empty bed. For once, the emptiness was replaced by something tender, something real. When you woke up and tried to adjust your tired eyes to the bright light, your eyes had landed on a snuggled figure next to you. Then you had felt the warmth of that figure. Your bed wasnât cold. And you felt how tight his arm was wrapped around your waist. It was wholesome. It was heartbreaking. He hadnât left. He didnât know how much it meant to you. You had watched his peaceful face that morning. Like a creep. The way he breathed. Way his lips were pouty. You didnât dare to move a finger. Felt like a dream that was too good to be true. A single wrong move could make it all vanish.
It didnât. He woke up sometime after you. And to your relief he knew where he was. Had mumbled a groggy âmorningâ. Your heart was doing the tango. Wanted to kiss him hard. You didnât, though. You just stared at his face. He did the same until he finally felt bored of it and opted to play with your hair. It was peaceful. Peaceful in a way that made you do something you thought impossible. Â
âYou know, when I was a kid, monsters lived under my bed.â
You never meant to tell him that. No. It slipped your mouth before you could stop. Nobody knew. Not even Namjoon. Your aunt knew, just because you ran to her when the first monster crept out under your bed. She didnât give a fuck. You had to deal with your monsters on your own. You were a little kid. But what else you couldâve expected when she was the one who created those monsters.
You kept them as a secret. Were afraid of people treating you differently. Were afraid of Namjoon treating you differently. Had thought he would not want to be your friend anymore had he known. You always thought, if there was a someone who would eventually know, that someone would be Kim Namjoon. Your best friend since you were little kids. The boy next door. He was all you had. His house was the place you ran to when your aunt was too drunk, making your life hell. He was your only relief.
Then he betrayed you. He found a girlfriend when you were fifteen. You were jealous. Scared. But that wasnât what broke you. What broke you was when he came to you to let you know that heâs flying abroad. And he did. You were left alone. Partially you hated Namjoon for that. You always waited, though. Thought the monsters would go away when he came back. Because thatâs how it was before he left.
Funny, how it wasnât he who made your monsters go away in the end. True, he brought the light you were craving. Only not in the shape of him. Still, you didnât mean to tell it to Taehyung. At that moment you were so sure you made him run away from you. You were beyond surprised when he just stared at you. Affectionately. Brought his hand on your hair to cradle your cheek.
âYou did.â
You had remained still. At the verge of tears. He was supposed to run away. Yet you nod anyway.
âMy-uh- aunt, she⊠um used to⊠I mean she didnât really treat me well. And this one day she came home all bloody. I donât know what happened but- uh- I was so scared of her. She- fuck⊠well, she kinda took her anger out on me and ever since that day, monsters lived under my bed.â
You sniffled. Tried hard not to cry when Taehyung changed his position. Dropped his hand to your waist again. Just to pull you closer to his still naked body. Hugged you so close. Inhaled shakily yet, he didnât run away.
âFuck, baby, Iâm so sorry that happened. I wish I could have been there to protect you.â
âItâs not your fault. Why would you be sorry for something that you have no control of?â
âDo they return often?â
You didnât know how he knew. Were you that visible? You wanted to tell a white lie. That you were fine. Something made you tell the truth, however.
âThey do but Iâm not afraid anymore.â
âCall me when it happens the next time.â
âWhy? Told you Iâm not afraid, sailor.â
You failed to hold your tears. Especially, when he hovered over you. Kissed your lips.
âI know. Just call me.â
He made a severe mistake that time. You and he made a severe mistake. Â You agreed in the end. Just before his soft kiss started to deepen. Before his lips started to trail down your jaw and neck. Before they ended up on your already hardened nipples. Nobody questioned how it shouldnât have happened again.
Because he finally knew what made you, you. Knew it was your aunt that made you broke apart in a Samgyeopsal restaurant. Knew how it happened. How the said aunt clipped your wings. He wanted to help. Felt an urge to protect you. Be next to you each and every minute so, no monster, no human would be able to harm you.
So, when he received a call from an unknown number. When he heard a sob from the other side when he answered. Taehyung had gone into a frenzy. There was only one thing on his mind. That you needed help. You needed him. You had only muttered one word.
âTaehyungâŠâ
His heart sank at that. Shattered. Brain started to ring alarms. There would be no other way to explain that feeling than fear. He thought you were dying. You werenât. When he finally reached you, he found you curled up next to your couch. Screaming with your hands covering your ears. Tears streaming down. One word chanted through your dry lips. Desperate.
âNo. No. No. No.â
Taehyung didnât know what he should do. So, he did what he thought would be helpful. He hugged you tightly. Told you he was there. And kissed you passionately. Tasted your tears on your lips. It felt like hours passed until you finally calmed down. But when you did. When your cries fade into little whimpers, he finally felt like he could breathe.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ..
Five years and three months ago
You never wanted to be a burden. Yet somehow you became one. Taehyung said thatâs not who you are. But you knew you were. You started to rely on him completely ever since that day. From the very moment he stepped inside your apartment while you were crying for a little relief. When it was over, you knew you had to let him go. You couldnât though.
âC-Could you, um⊠stay a little longer?â
âCourse, I can.â
You sighed in relief. Snuggled against his chest. You sat on the floor next to the couch. Both of you. As long as he was there, the bloody woman wonât return. You knew it. You were staring to calm down. Collecting the shredded pieces of you. Still very shaken from your earlier outburst. You never learnt a way to cope with it afterwards. At least not until Kim Taehyung happened.
âWant to forget it ever happened vixen?â
âI would like to.â
He said nothing when he got to his feet. Said nothing when he fished for his phone. You watched him with a curious gaze until the sound of music filled the silent air of your apartment. Reggae- rock. It was, âcanât remember to forget youâ. You rolled your eyes to the back of your skull. Shook your head so fast that it made you dizzy.
âOh my god, no, Taehyung.â
âCâmon, itâs fun.â
You protested the best you could. Yet ended up swirling under his arms after he pulled you into your shaky legs. You were reluctant as hell at first. It was amazing how he eased you slowly. How he made you swirl and sway your hips. You didnât even realize you were actually dancing in your living room with a man you had no business being with. Didnât know you were grinning like a fool. In your baggy hoodie and leggings. He didnât have to make you dance anymore. You did it by yourself. Pressed you back to his. Wiggled your shoulders in sync with him. Sung the lyrics through top of your lungs.
I rob and I kill to keep him with me
I do anything for that boy.
Iâd give my last dime to hold him tonight
I do anything for that boy.
Only you didnât know that was the truth. That in the long run, you would really do anything for him. And that wonât be enough.
In that moment, it was the life. It was one of the happiest memories in your distraught life. You saw the universe in his eyes that day when he finally turned around and turned you to face him as well. He was happy. You were happy. In a little bubble you created.
âGosh, sailor, youâre crazy.â
âYes, I am.â
He mumbled before softly kissing you.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ.
Three years and six months ago
You called him rarely first. Then more often. Then every day. First, it was when the voices and visions got unbearable. Then it was for no reason. And he was more than happy to visit. After few months, you didnât have to call him anymore. He came every day. He danced with you every day. He fucked you every day. The thing was, though, you both knew it was temporary. You thought you were just fine. You did it because you were the bad guy. That thought shielded you against the guilt. So, you kept thinking that. Until, of course, you couldnât anymore.
That day when he rocked you onto your bed while staring at you with those sparkly eyes, you knew something had changed. Not in him. But in you. You werenât doing it to be the bad guy anymore. You werenât doing it to feel like you have control anymore. No. You were genuinely enjoying every moment with him. You loved them. You loved the way he looked at you. Loved the way he talked to you. Loved how he smiled at you. Loved how he laughed. Walked. Ate. Slept. Loved his smell. Loved his presence. Simply, you loved him.
You inhaled a shaky breath. There was no denying anymore. You loved Kim Taehyung. In a crazy way. Just like on your second day together, you hadnât meant to voice your thoughts. But once again, the words slipped out before you could stop them.
âI love you.â
He had still immediately inside you.
âWhat?â
âI love you, sailor.â
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ.
Three years and six months ago
Taehyung had panicked too much. Too hard. He never expected to hear that. You surely didnât love him. It couldnât be true. It was such an unexpected confession. He stumbled away from your bed. Had denied what you said. Shook his head. Got dressed in record time. Had stormed away from your apartment while you looked at him with wide innocent eyes.
He didnât even give you time to explain. Didnât give you the explanation you deserve. Vanished from your gaze. You called him several times. He ignored you. Just because he was so scared. You couldnât love him. You knew he was engaged. Above all, he couldnât accept your feelings. You were worlds apart. He had every intention to keep ignoring you. To hide away from the world. And you stopped calling him too. He knew you had a huge ego, that you wouldnât even look at his face again.
He thought that would be the case. But how hard that day was for him. He was a huge mess through and through. His heart was aching like someone was squeezing it in their hand. He felt like he was physically bleeding. Yet he couldâve made the day if it wasnât for the call he received from you at midnight. He never ignored your late-night calls except that day. He didnât answer. Waited few minutes lying in his bed, imagining how it might be for you. He knew you hadnât called to say anything else. He knew so much about you by then, that he knew you called him because you were scared. Knew the visions might be back. Knew you might be hearing the sounds.
And that was when he realized how much he cared. He cared always, yes, but thatâs when he realized that. He cared too much. Too hard. He couldnât stay away from you. Couldnât ignore your calls for help. You were too precious. Even though he didnât know you had been his everything lately.
âWhy are you here? What the fuck are you doing here Kim? Why are you here? Get out. Leave. I donât want you here!â
He didnât listen to you obviously. Crouched down before you. Touched you when you started to thrash. Throwed a tantrum.
âNo. No for fucks sake vixen, Iâm not leaving you like this. Iâm so sorry baby.â
âYou did once. You can do it again. Fucking go away Kim.â
âIâm sorry princess. No, stopââ
You were stronger than a lioness that day. He had a great struggle holding you still, pulling you into his body. You tried your best though.
âI donât want your fucking pity, Taehyung, I donât want it.â
âIâm not giving you my fucking pity! Iâm fucking giving you, my loveâ
He yelled. You stopped wriggling like a worm at once. Everything went still for a minute before you broke apart. Crying hard into his chest. He cried too. But at the same time, he made sure to tell you he loved you like it was a mantra to calm you down.
âI fucking love you too Vixen. I love you.â
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ
A year ago
From the moment Taehyung confessed his love for you, your life turned completely around. It wasnât the sour and dull life anymore. It was bright as summer and comfortable as winter. Sure, there were heart breaks and days you cried. Like how your heart broke when Namjoon confessed to you in a fancy restaurant. You had blinked at his face stupidly. You couldnât believe it. That Namjoon liked you. You had a fat crush on him until the day he left to states. You thought you harbored the same feelings when he came back too. But somewhere on the line things had changed. Even though Namjoon was very special to you, you had to break his heart. You were in love with Namjoonâs friend. For years. Namjoon understood your rejection, but he shut himself out from your life.
It hurt you. But you knew he was hurt too. There were other incidents too. Sometimes you fought with Taehyung. You cried a little. He brought you cupcakes instead of beer after those fights. Brought you Orchids. Despite everything you were living your best life. Things changed for good too. Like how you loved winter. Because he tasted like winter. Because he took you to that winter carnival. Only you two. You giggled like a teenager. Enjoyed everything like a toddler. He showed you the things you missed. Healed the little girl inside you. Taught you it was okay to love someone unconditionally. To be loved unconditionally.
Taehyung played with your hair- a habit he developed- as you lazily laid there after he fucked your brains out. It was noon. Harsh sunlight was creating glowing patterns on his face. You looked at him wearily.
âWho?â
âThat fortune teller. She told our fates were tied together.â
âReally sailor, you still believe those shits?â
âYou donât?â
There was such tender look in his eyes. How you loved him. You turned to your side to face him, thinking his question through.
âWell, I donât want it to be real, so, I donât believe.â
âWhy?â
âBecause she said we had unresolved issues Taehyung, thatâs bad. AndâŠ. She said that cycles repeat. She said something about pains lingering. If it was true, then that part comes true as well. If it was true, then something bad happened to us in that past life Taehyung. I donât want that again. Donât want you gone.â
Taehyung had frozen for a minute. Had looked at you with his eyes pouring out his heart. Had kissed you deeply. Held you close.
âIt wonât. Nothing bad is going to happen.â
You trusted him that day. But you forgot that your life isnât supposed to be that good.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ
Six months ago
It was storming just as it had been the day Taehyung suddenly popped up in front of your apartment door, after months of your first day. And he had knocked on your door similar to how he had done then Instead of simply walking inside as he used to. You were so surprised to find him there soaked to the bones. Ironically wearing a similar black hoodie. And you, stupid you, had grinned uncontrollably to see him there. Only until you realized he wasnât smiling back. Until you noticed that his eyes were puffy and red. Undoubtedly from crying. Even the tip of his nose was red. He hadnât spoken a word. Not a single word before you understood it for yourself. He had this look on his face. Somber. Distraught. Guilty. Hesitating. It all screamed one thing. That loomed darkness was there.
You knew. Before he could tell it, you knew. And you jumped into action before anything else can happen. You desperately had believed it wonât happen if you stop it before he says anything.
âNo. No. Taehyung. I- fuck- I donât want to hear it. Turn around please. Leave.â
What you wanted didnât happen. He spoke. Instead of listening to you he spoke.
âShe knows.â
âSo what? I donât care Taehyung. Turn around. This isnât happening. Youâre not- youâre not- notââ
Your words had muffled by a sob that erupted from your throat. You didnât want to cry. It meant, it was happening. No, it wasnât.
âNo, youâre not, youâre not sorry Taehyung. If youâre really sorry, donât do this to me. Donâtââ
âShe doesnât deserve that. I wasted her whole life. I canât do that to her.â
She doesnât deserve that. So, you did?
He wasted her whole life. So, he didnât waste yours?
He canât do that to her. But he can do that to you?
You took a step back. The tears were out of your control now. That wasnât how it meant to happen. It was meant to be a happy ending. You did your best. You did everything you could. You never asked him to make a decision. You always soothed your heart saying, he would do it at the right time. You always understood his situation. You made peace with being a secret, and not being able to tell anyone who your boyfriend was. You did everything. In the end, it wasnât enough. None of it was enough.
Despite all your efforts there stood Kim Taehyung. The man you loved dearly. Loved crazily. Blindly that you didnât even see that you wouldnât be the one he chose. He stood there while tears rolled down his cheeks as well. But in the end, he was leaving you. For her.Â
You carry the weight of a past undone. Shadows of a life lived before. A tragedy. Youâve crossed paths now to mend what was broken... or to fail once more. Beware. Cycles repeat, and pain lingers. Choose wisely this time.
Pain lingers. It sure hell did.
You were starting to lose the ability to breathe. You dug your nails to your fists. You wanted to stay calm. Talk it through. Yet the pain made it come out all wrong.
âSo what? You gonna walk away like that? Do you realize, how much of prick you are?â
âNo, donât do that.â
âDo what Kim? You cheated on her for years and only now you realizeââ
âShut the fuck up (__).â
âOh, I will. I will shut up. I will be the one to shut up and bare it when youâre tossing me aside after using my body for years.â
âThatâs not what fucking happened.â
âThen what the fuck does happened?â
âI didnât fucking use you. You knew what you were getting yourself into. Donât blame me like a hypocrite (___). Donât fucking do that.â
âI didnât know Taehyung. I fucking believed in the lie you told me.â
âWell, then why did you fucking let me lie. Maybe you shouldâve thought better before slutting yourself for me. I should never have visited the carnival that day.â
That had hit hard. Like a slap. Shut your mouth. Only pain remained in the suddenly silenced air as you looked at him with pathetic eyes. It took him a minute. Then he nearly lunged forward, shaking his head violently. You recoiled instantly.
âNo, fuck I donât mean that vixen. Fuck, Iâm sorry. Hey, babyââ
âIt doesnât matter Taehyung. Guess what? Youâre so right. Itâs my fault. Shouldâve known better. Iâm a slut and I would put that into good use.â
âNo, vixen wait.â
âBye Kim. Live your fucking life.â
You closed the door in his face.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ..
Now
âThereâs no hope anymore, is there Tae? You were long gone when I found out?â
Taehyung just blankly stares at her face. Sighs. Drops his head into his hand. Ever since he left your apartment, it hasnât been the same. With him. With her. Taehyung has forgotten to smile. He has drowned himself in alcohol. Nothing helps though. He wants you. He needs you. Like how he needs air. He misses you. Your warm smile. Your voice. Your scent. Oh, he loves you crazily. Blindly. He now realizes that he canât do this.
He wanted to do the right thing. Right by her. Because he thought thatâs how he would find peace. This isnât peace, however. Heâs living in a burning hell. Each passing second without you feels like an eternity in a pit of fire. He loves you. He canât do it. So, he shakes his head. Biting back the tears.
âI- uh Iââ
âSave it Tae.â
The despair in her voice is visible. Taehyung doesnât know what to do. To add more to his misery, he feels a sensation that is unexplainable but enough to make the hair in the back of his neck stand. To give him chills. He doesnât like this. Itâs uneasy. Scary. He feels helpless.
âYouâre such a fool Tae. A coward.â
She adds at his silence. Taehyung snaps his head toward her. A bit offended at the words yet says nothing. So, she continues.
âYou cheated on me for years. Years Taehyung. Thatâs not a simple mistake. Thatâs- thatâsâŠ. You love her. Even though you told me it was just physical needs, you love her Tae. You barely talk to me anymore. You donât eat, sleep. You barely leave the house. You, Kim Taehyung, are not the man I once fell in love with. You were long gone when I found out. But do you know what makes my heart break the most? Itâs that after everything, you were a coward who couldnât even make the right decision.â
She steps forward.
âYou werenât brave enough to fight for what matters the most. You broke my heart, and then her heart and in the end, you decided to hide away? Gosh, how much of a pathetic coward you can be?â
âWh-what do you mean? I- I did the right thing.â
He finds his voice lastly. Is too shaken by her sudden accusation. She hasnât talked to him this straight or rude even the day she found out.
âDid you? No, you didnât Tae. What you did was choose the easy path. I am that easy path Tae. She- she is the hard path. All the judgments, and facing Namjoon, all of your friends, our friends, our families. And not to mention that she isnât exactly normal, is she?â
âShe. Is. Normal.â
Even Taehyung canât comprehend the way heâs shifted from a mourning widow to a protective wolf in one minute. He is glaring at her now. She doesnât even wince, however. Gives him a soft smile instead.
âThere you go. You shouldâve done that way earlier. Fight for what you want Tae. Not everything comes easy in this world. Youâre an asshole. But guess what? People always make shitty mistakes. This doesnât justify what you did, but I donât think you and I ever will be the same again. Weâve been engaged for forever now. Youâll never marry me. Even if you did, that would be a great mistake we both make. Youâve become part of her.â
Taehyung blinks at her face. His throat is constricting. Eyes burning. He wants to say something. But what can he say when every word she utters is true. He was a coward. He let you go, and now he gets this feeling that everything is about to end. He gets a bad feeling.
âI donât know. I- um⊠I donât know what to do anymore.â
âDo you love her?â
Taehyung sighs heavily. Nods. What good itâll do by lying anymore.
âY- yeah. Ye-yes. Fuck⊠yes, I do. I- fuck Iâm sorry but I do. I love her. And- and holy shit I feel like itâs too late. I feel like somethings wrong, and it drives me fucking crazy.â
Taehyung rubs his face in frustration. Heâs going to explode. Somethingâs wrong. He canât breathe.
âWell, Iâm not going to be the bigger person here and ask you to run to her Tae. And I wonât say that Iâll forgive you either. ButâŠ. My grandma used to say that you shouldnât ignore it when you get a bad feeling about something.â
With that she turns around and leaves. Taehyung watches her for minute. A long one. His brain struggles to process what just happened. Until it suddenly kicks him. He shouldnât ignore the bad feeling. Itâs still not the way how he should do it. She deserves a better explanation. An apology. A sincere one. She deserves to know the truth. But he needs to see you first. He would do it right this time. For real. Right by you. He would just find you first.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ..
Now
You wonder if this is how it was in the past as well. Just as the fraudulent woman told you. She said that it was a tragedy. That you were met to mend what was broken. Or fail. And what happened was the latter. You failed, once again. Funny, how youâre believing it now. You were so adamant of believing it was a scam. Now here you are. Perch on the edge of your rooftop. Thinking about your past fucking life. You let out a shaky laugh that spirals into something maniacal.
Your life is ridiculous. You lived your entire life battling a battle that nobody else can see. Monsters. Voices. Hate. No friends. No love. No light. Then when you met the man who was supposed be tightly connected with your fate, you thought you finally won that battle. Well, it seems you were wrong. You lost it even before it starts. Now, youâre too tired to keep fighting. Itâs suffocating. Exhausting. When Taehyung left that day, the voices and visions became unbearable. Thereâs not a single day you slept peacefully. Night terrors when you were asleep. Shadows and screaming when you were awake. No amount of alcohol or endless nights spent clubbing. No man who you brought home was able to help you.
Sure, Taehyung brought the light to your world. And he took that light away by himself. Like a candle flicked off. Now itâs only darkness and you donât think youâll ever see a light again. You never had anything to lose. But now when you sit here staring into the road down, bustling with vehicles and people, you feel like youâve lost everything. Maybe, somewhere in between before Taehyung and after Taehyung, you lost your hope. Desire to hang into life. Itâs not like anyone would ever miss you. Would they?
Would Taehyung miss you?
Did you die first in your past life? Did he miss you then? Did you kill yourself before? Was that because he rob your light? Does it matter anymore?
Oh, youâre tired. So, tired. You need a peaceful moment. Just one is enough. Maybe in your next life, you will have a normal life. Good family. Parents who wonât abandon you. Good friends. A life without monsters. And maybe⊠just maybeâŠ. You would meet Taehyung again. The man who wasnât scared of your haunted scarred soul. The man who helped you to fight them. Your anchor. He was the person who held you to your life lately. The man who you still love like heâs your sun and moon. And then he wonât choose anyone else over you. He would stick to his promises, and youâll love each other until you grow old. There will be no tragedy.
You turn your head slightly to look at the looming presence of the woman next to you. She has an evil smile on her lips. Sheâs winning after all. Youâre giving up.
âJump!â
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ
Now
Taehyung storms inside your apartment. Surprised that you havenât changed the password. Itâs like that day. Itâs empty. No sign of you. He steadies himself in the middle of the living room. Staying quiet in hope to hear your muffled sobs. Like how it was the last time. Only, that he canât hear anything. Only the hum of your fridge and the ticking sound of your wall clock. Itâs empty. Itâs silent. Eerily silent. Taehyung is visibly shaking. He is covered in sweat. So, he shrugs his jacket off. And that has nothing to do with the fact that he took stairs instead of the elevator. But everything do with the fact that heâs terrified.
Something is wrong.
Itâs night. Did you go to a club? Bar? You donât have many friends. Taehyung knows you and Namjoon fell apart after his confession. You canât be at someone elseâs house then. He had called you thousand times by now. You havenât responded. Yet he tries one more time. Dialing your number with his hands shaky. Trembling badly. Cursing when it takes him more than necessary time to unlock his damn phone. When he finally does, he puts the phone on speaker and wait. Waits till the call connect and starts ringing. After what feels like hours, it does. And Taehyung can hear a phone ring inside the apartment. It comes from your room. He checked there earlier. You are not there. But your phone is, apparently. You went somewhere without your phone.
You donât do that. You have so many demons. You donât feel safe without your phone. You wonât leave it unless you donât need it anymore.
Why would you not need it?
Where are you?
Where would you go?
Taehyungâs head is spinning. He feels like banging his head against a wall so that he can think straight. He tries his best to rake his brain for any kind of idea. He knows you after all. It canât be this hard to guess where you would be.
Where?
Where?
Where?
A place you like.
A place you donât like.
Taehyung slowly raises his head. An idea dawned on him.
The rooftop. You like that place. You and he used to stargaze there. And you hated that place. Said those voices become the most annoying when itâs quiet. Taehyung turns around like in a dream.
Thatâs where you are.Â
The sickening dread intensifies tenfold. He breaks into a run the moment he leaves the apartment.
Whatever youâre doing up there, itâs not good.
Taehyung doesnât believe he can run this fast. He does somehow. He takes the stairs instead of elevator again. Canât waste time waiting for the stupid thing. He runs fastest he can. Feeling his pulse thundering. He canât be late. He has things to tell you. He needs you to know he made the wrong decision. Wants you to know that he loves you. Needs to tell you that he loves you. He wants to tell you that the day he met you at that carnival was the best day of his life. And it was the best decision he ever made.
He feels like he saw heaven when he finally reaches the top. When he can finally see the rickety door to the rooftop. He yanks the door open. Like how he did open a closet door once. His gaze immediately lands on the figure sitting on the edge. Like how it did land on a figure in a fetal position. The figure turns slightly to glance at him. Like how those eyes looked upon him like a deer caught in a trap last time. This time though, instead of getting mad at him, you look away. No emotions in your eyes. Not even a sign that you acknowledged him. You just turn around.
And Taehyungâs heart stops.
âVixen, NOOOO!!!!â
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ.
Now
You stop.
Freeze.
You were just about to jump. About to end the misery. About to have your peace. You knew someone came. Your blurry vision prevents you from seeing them clearly, and their presence makes you rush, hoping to act before they can stop you. But that voice. Wait? Did they call you Vixen?
You turn around slowly again. Blink. Tears roll down your cheeks, clearing your vision. It takes some minutes for your brain to register that heâs here. Kim Taehyung is here. It takes some time for it to make any sense. Takes time until you finally clearly see him. Standing there. Panting, eyes glittery with unshed tears. Heâs taking little steps toward you. His hands up in raised in a gesture of surrender. As if to let you know that he is no harm to you. Ridiculous since you always knew he wasnât.
âS-sailor?â
You ask groggily. What if this is another hallucination of your mind.
âYes baby- me. Itâs me.â
He takes another step toward you. Slow. Puts one of his hands down. Again slow. Only to stretch it forward. Hesitating.
âWhy?â
You look at his hand for a moment before looking at his face again. A single tear has rolled down his cheek.
âWh-what do you mean why?â
âWhy are you here?â
âFor you.â
âYeah?â
You keep looking at his face. He takes another step. Now heâs at a length where he can touch you. He doesnât, however.
âYes, I am. Baby- c-can you? Uh- please?â
He stretches his arm toward you. Is asking you to take it. Silently.
âWhat do you want Taehyung? Why you came back, when you just fucking left me. I canât do this anymore. I- I, Iâm fucking tired. I need to end this damn pain.â
You turn your head to look at the woman. She is no longer there. Because Taehyung is here. But thatâs temporary. The moment he will go again, sheâll return. And it will happen anytime soon now. Because Taehyung would leave again. Inevitably. He would leave you again.
âI know baby, I know. I know it hurts. B-but⊠listen to me, will you? Just get down from there so we can talk. Letâs talk. Please. Please babyâŠ.â
âThereâs nothing to talk about Taehyung. You canât do this to me. Go where you belong.â
âBut this is where I belong. Baby donât do this. Donât leave me to suffer againâ
He sounds desperate. Helpless. Why though? Youâre the one who should be desperate here. And what does he mean again?
âIâm not the one who left. What do you mean again?â
âI- I d-donât know. I feel like Iâve lost you once. I know itâs crazy, but I can already fucking feel the pain. I feel like Iâve suffered before. Vixen please donât do it again. Donât- fuck, just please get down.â
You can see his hand tremble. Can hear his voice shake. He wants to touch you. You know that but heâs afraid. Like you. You wipe the tears from your hoodie sleeve.
âYou wanted to go Taehyung. You chose her andââ
âI know. Iâm a fucking coward baby. I am. I made a fucking mistake, but do you think I deserve this kind of punishment? To lose you forever? Do you think Iâll survive this, knowing I lost you forever? Please, Vixen, Iâm begging you. Just one chance, thatâs all I ask for.â
You simply look at him. He tilts his head back for a moment, trying to steady himself. Heâs a mess. Youâre a mess. Heâs crying hard. It breaks your heart. You hate seeing him cry. Can you trust him, though? What if he leaves again? What if the woman returns again? But then what if he cries this way for the rest of his life when youâre gone? Despite everything, he is here, isnât he.
âWe can try again. In the correct way this time. Iâll be there for you; in every step you take. Iâll help you; youâll help me. We can try again vixen. It doesnât have to be like this.â
âI donât know sailor. Iâm tired. I want them to be gone forever. Monsters, sounds. I- what if you leave me again?â
âI- God, please trust me this once baby. I wonât. I love you. God, I love you so fucking much it hurts. Weâll make them go away forever. We can do it. I got you. We can light it up baby. Trust me please. Just once, all I need is one more chance.â
Thatâs all you need as well. One more chance. You take a moment. You donât know if this is going to work. All you can do is trust him. He broke it once. Maybe you wonât trust him fully now. But what if he works for it. Really hard. Maybe youâll learn to trust him again. He said heâd help you. Youâll heal. He promised heâd do it right this time. After all, you donât want to see him cry. Â You love him. Still. Blindly. Crazily. Sue you for that but you do. Maybe you have a chance, and you shouldnât wase that.
No, you shouldnât waste your chance.
You should choose wisely this time.
After another long second, you place your hand in his slowly. He lets out a shaky breath in relief. You get down from the edge with his help. Your legs are too shaky to keep you up right. Yet thatâs no problem because youâre in his arms the moment you are down. He pulls you into a fierce embrace, holding you as if heâs afraid to let go. Peppers every inch of you he can find with kisses. Hides his face in your hair. Inhales deeply.
âThank you. Thank you, Vixen. God, thank you for fucking trusting me. I- God, I promise Iâll make it work. Not gonna let you go again. No. Never. I- I...â
He stutters through his tears. You hide your face in his chest. Let yourself drown in the smell of winter. Get closer as itâs physically possible. Oh, you missed him. What if youâve never got a chance to be in his arms again? The thought makes you greedy. You clung to him for your life. Still trembling.
Thereâll be a long way to go. It will be hard and easy. The road will be smooth and rocky. It will certainly require some work. But in the end, nothing matters. Youâre in his hands. Again. And youâll make sure you are making the right decision from now on. That you wonât let if fail. Wonât let you and Taehyung fail.
âDo you know I love you. Gosh, I thought Iâd never get to say that to you againââ Taehyung pulls away to peer at your eyes. Presses a kiss to your lips. Hugs you tight again. ââ I fucking thought youâll never know. Iââ
âI love you sailor.â You interrupts his ramble.
âYeah?â
âMhm.â
âSay it again then.â
âI love you. God, I fucking love you. Letâs say that more often from now on.â
synopsis: Young love is so sweet, but people never realize how foolish it can be (sometimes), especially for you and Jungkook. You and Jungkook were the typical high school sweethearts, and after school, you thought you were grown enough to get married. Your families disagreed, but you still went through with it. It was fine for the first year; you were still in the honeymoon phase. But soon, reality caught up, and you both had to go to university. You attended the same university, thinking it would make things easier. Many obstacles came your way, but you were still going strong, afraid of proving your family right. However, after two years of unhappiness, you both called it quits. Unfortunately, your relationship ended on a sour note, and the man you once loved turned into someone you never wanted to see again. So, what happens now, when you face him one more time after many years of being away from him.
playlist: Lewis Capaldi - Before You Go, Lewis Capaldi - Someone You Loved, Sia - Bird Set Free. Billie Eilish - wildflower, The weeknd - out of time
Ex husband Jungkook x ex-wife reader.
Lovers to I-donât-like-you to strangers.
WC: 24.k [whoa.]
Warnings: <heavy?> ANGST, ANGST, ANGST. flashbacks (light), disagreements, young marriage, Jungkook is a lawyer, reader is a doctor. No accurate description of law or reality. crying, lol. very much angsty of angst. forgive any errors you encounter; it is revised but oh gosh there's only so much I can notice.
a/n: you might hate me for this one lol. but it is what it is.
As you walk into the room, youâre taken aback by the figure of the man you see. He's the last person you expected. it's been a while since you've seen him, a very long one at that.
The last time you saw him was well...
When you were with Jungkook.
Taehyung hadn't noticed you when you walked in. Your mask and scrubs doing a perfect job at hiding your identity. You wonder if he'd remember you. He surely would, itâs not like a million years have gone by.
and though he hasn't noticed you yet, you do notice him. The thing that catches your eye is how he's definitely grown out of his teenage face. His features are more chiseled. It suits him. Makes him look more matured.
A lot seems to have changed: he's married and now having a baby. Taehyung having a baby? You and Jungkook would've never thought. The local party boy settling down and starting a family, that's news.
You've grown to understand that people change though, you yourself as an example. You were kind of the typical party girl in your college days. Nothing too crazy though but you definitely enjoyed your liquor and music. Now you've changed and grown more reserved. Did you plan on it? No, it just happened, and you grew out of that life for some reason.
It's lost to you how Taehyung underwent his metamorphosis. Whether he wanted to or just like you "just happened", has you wondering. Your brain doesn't bother you too much about it.
But one thing your mind keeps on loop is if Jungkook has changed too and if so, how much? Did he ever grow to realize and reflect on himself.
You soon brush the thoughts away though. The last thing you should be thinking about is Jungkook, when you've got a job to do.
Sounds of relief and of a baby's cry soon fill the room. The noise helps you block further thoughts you want or should be thinking.
But still, it seems your brain doesn't work hard enough. Hence, leading you to wonder if this would've been you and Jungkook. Would it have been you doing the skin to skin with a baby you grew for 9 months with the man you love by your side for support. Could it have been Jungkook instead being handed the scissors to cut the umbilical cord. His usual bunny smile and doe eyes staring down at the baby. And his hands shaking cause of how nervous he'd be. he never liked to mess up.
"Look yn, you did it. I'm so proud of you baby." he would coo, those doe eyes staring right into you with pure love and joy. "Oh! Not you baby. I'm talking to your mother. How am I going to call both of you baby." He would say and laugh at his own joke afterwards. You would too, his jokes were so cheesy and cute. You loved them still though. you'd always wanted a family with him.
You were a fool to think you'd stop thinking about all that could've been. It pisses you off. You thought by now, passed all these years and some relationships it would stop. But it never did and seeing Taehyung only reminds you of everything you've been trying to forget.
"Yn." Your senior doctor called you out of your thoughts. "Do a checkup on the Kim baby for me, I have another job." You nod and walk around to pick up the necessary paperwork.
You loved your job. Seeing life being brought into the world. The smile on the families faces and the happy couples. Even holding the little babies was so heartwarming.
But there are downsides to the job, many than you'd like to say. The tears the yelling, the disappointment. The losses, your biggest fears.
It broke your heart to see a woman push hard only for life to go as soon as it came. You never cried in front of the families; you had to be strong. But you always did at home. You cried for many things. All the lives that could've been or how your life could've been. All things that might have been if you chose differently. Sometimes you'd get lost and end up crying about a dead fish you lost when you were 10. You didn't mind as long as you were crying and getting things off your chest.
Even through your own turmoil you were always there for the families: to give a warm presence. You did all you were allowed. Some others would appreciate the comfort, but some would yell curses at you. You didn't blame them, emotions are high. It's part of the job.
A thick skin.
 You've grown it over the years. Whether it's from your own parents, Jungkook's parents or Jungkook himself. You've learnt how to cover up. It's not a good way of living but it's got you through most of the things in your life.
You're grown now. And you pat yourself on the back for what you went through. You were able to make it out and be where you want to be, even through the confusion of life and relationships.
You love your job, and you'd never change it, but it's so easy to feel empty and lonely. Whatever it is you're missing you don't know. But you can definitely feel an emptiness in you.
"Mr. and Mrs. Kim, I'm here to check up on you and the baby." You say walking in and deciding to address them formally. Clipboard in hand and mask forgotten.
It took him a second, then two, then three to recognize that voice. Then when he stared long enough it dawned on him.
"Yn?" Taehyung says dumbstruck. He was sat by his wife talking, while the baby slept, but as soon as he recognized you, he was on his feet.
You never thought he'd recognize you. but you assume you haven't changed that much, or Taehyung just knows you too well. He was your friend too. And it did crush you when you didn't talk to him or ignored him over these years.
"Taehyung." you say trying keep it professional but still acknowledging how you're just as pleased see to him.
"Yn!" you hear him call out in a faux sob. And soon like lightning you feel him crash you with his arms. He squeezes you so tight you might burst.
"I've missed you! why did you leave me?" You can hear sadness in his voice. It hurts your heart. You never meant to ditch him too, but it was difficult to stay friends when you knew where he was Jungkook would be too.
You rub his back in a way to reciprocate the hug as much as you can. He holds you so tight that you can barely move, and you're about to turn blue.
Turning your eyes to his wife, you beg for a hand.
"Tae, you're going to break our baby's doctor." She lectures him and with a final squeeze he lets you go. She's heard of you from what Taehyung has mentioned but not in great detail. Only when he's explaining a funny story that you might have been involved in, and her curiosity grew.
You all laugh as he lets you go, and you collect your breath.
"I'm sorry." His wife apologizes with her sweet voice before she sends a glare to her husband. You shake your head, understanding that Taehyung might have not grown as much as you thought. He's still got that hyper personality of his.
he pouts and turns back to you.
"Yn." He whines and you flinch thinking he'll hug you again. He doesn't.
"Taehyung how have you been?" You say still professional and calmed down. You're excited to see him and just as happy, but it's just difficult for you to adjust after not seeing him for so long.
"Is that all you can say? And why are you so professional?" He whines, and you chuckle at how he's still so childish.
"I'm a doctor, Taehyung. I can't be jumping around like a monkey." You say, clutching your clipboard to your chest.
His wife chuckles and says something about him not maturing yet. You of all people are aware of how childish he can be.
And like for the first time Taehyung takes in your outfit and gasps. "Shit yn you did it." He says with a smile "Doc yn." He teases.
"Don't tease me." you blush.
"I'm so proud of you though. I always thought you'd been kidding about the doctor thing." He rubs the back of his neck feeling embarrassed about doubting you. But you don't take offence as you show him your smile.
"I was very serious as you can see."
You both just chuckle.
"So, we're you...l-like in here too."
"Yeah, I think she was, I saw you right? Docter's assistant, right?" His wife asks.
You nod in affirmation.
Taehyung mentally slaps himself. How could he have not noticed. He feels so stupid right now.
"I'm so glad you delivered my baby." he says with a proud smile.
"Well, I didn-"
"Shut up you did deliver my baby." He slaps down your statement. "No, but like seriously, of all people in the world I'm glad you were the one to do."
You bow smiling, appreciating his words. Doing this feels like apologizing for ditching him. And hearing him say that makes you love you job even more.
"Waaah, look at how professional she is now." He mocks as he turns to his wife to tell her how you were such a brat and party girl. You deny the allegation even though they are true cause you don't want to ruin his wife's perception of you.
You've changed anyways so doesn't matter anymore.
"Don't worry we were all party girls once at least." She says and you can't help but appreciate how kind and sweet she seems. You haven't been introduced to her. But you find it unnecessary when you remember why you actually came here.
"I came to check on you and the baby." You say turning on professional mode which was never off.
You walk over to the baby, who was still sound asleep. Cute.
They all nod, letting you do your thing.
"Tell me yn.." Taehyung says when he's now sat by his wife. "Who does she look like?" He wants to settle the debate they've been having.
"Just be honest."
You turn to analyze the baby you were already scanning. You couldn't help but notice a little bit of Taehyung but when you stare longer you start to see more of his wife.
"I think she shares both of your features quite well." You speak.
Taehyung whines disappointed in your answer.
"She's just being professional, we should ask her when we go for dinner."
Dinner? when did you say you'd be going for dinner. You ignore it.
They talk and you smile at how they tease each other and are happy together. These are always your favorite kind of days.
"What time is Jungkook coming?" His wife whispers to Taehyung, but you're still able to catch on.
Jungkook's coming here? He's going to be here. The hell. You should've expected it, maybe you would've asked someone else to be here instead. But when you think about it you realize how inevitable it was, plus you got to reunite(?) with Taehyung. You doubt you'll see each other after this.
"He should be here soon." Your heart races and throat dries up for whatever emotion your body will not communicate to you.
Fuck. you still have more tests to run, and you haven't even begun with the mother.
You take a deep breath as the baby stirs but still stays calm. You're focused on the baby as you set her back into the hospital crib. The hospital you worked at was a really high-end one. Well, at least the part that Taehyung had picked out. He must be doing well for himself cause these ends are quite expensive.
He's a finance bro, studied finance and got a good job. So, he's differently doing well.
You wonder how Jungkook's doing, is he doing well...
"Look who's a dad."
You hear a knock, then the familiar voice follows. Your heart freezes and so does your whole body.
"Shh." Taehyung lectures him pointing to your direction. "There's a baby"
Jungkook follows his friend's eyes, to you. But he doesn't realize it's you, and you're glad for that. You wish you could just slip out right now.
But why are you the one anxious, he should be the one trembling right now. Not you.Â
"Can I see her?" He coos and Taehyung nods.
"She's getting a check up though." Taehyung adds as Jungkook walks to you and your heart grows tighter as his steps grow closer. but you choose to stand firm in your spot.
The heels of his shoes tap against the floor and regrets wearing them. But he just came here from the office so he can't be blamed.
"I'm sure it's fine, right doctor?" He says with charm in his voice.
His voice awakens so many things in you. Anger, hate, insecurity, doubt, memory, yearn, search. But mainly anger. Anger at all that still left you burnt and bruised. All the stupid mistakes of your youth that you were warned about and could have avoided.
"I'd advise you wash your hands first." You turn to look at him eyes bland of any visible emotion.
Professional, yn be professional.
"Yn?" He says shocked and smile dropped from its previous spot. He heard your voice before getting to see your face. And if his memory serves him right...he is right. He can't be wrong.
His heart's as far as the sea goes. Nothing and everything go through his mind.
You donât give him a response.
"Please wash your hands and sanitize if you decide to be close to the baby." No warmth in your voice or room for conversation. Everyone in the room can feel the tension and Jungkook is still shocked to see you, eyes and hands unmoving. He can't figure what he's feeling or thinking, he just...
Never expected to see you here. It's almost like a slap to his face, like the last time he saw you. And at the memory of the day, bitterness and anger sink in him.
You walk past him leaving a cold breeze for him to relish in.
You try to plaster a smile when you see the tension you caused. "Now it's your turn." You say to Taehyung's wife as you begin her checkup.
You're really trying your best to keep it cool, but you can feel the acid by your throat burn.
Jungkook just clears his throat and goes to the sink and washes his hands. Mind lost of any thoughts, but choosing to ignore them as usual.Â
"So, I'm and uncle huh?" He says trying to clear himself of the tightness in his chest. Even though his voice doesn't sound as confident as before, he's just going to ignore it.
Ignore you.
"She's so cute, she's looks like you Tae." He declares caressing her cheek with his index.
Taehyung cheers and his wife rolls her eyes.
"Can you imagine, yn said she shares both our features."
And the reminder that you're Actually here and not a nightmare is set for Jungkook to relish in.
"Docter's always right Taehyung, you should listen." You don't know whether he's being serious or sarcastic, but you could care less. All you want is to be out of here and away from him.
You want to scoff but choose to suck it in and ignore the remark or whatever it meant.Â
Taehyung shrugs, deciding to let it go. It didn't matter who the baby looked like. It's all light-hearted. He's just happy that both his wife and the baby are okay.
Taehyung does realize the tension, which cause him to somewhat do things deliberately. He wanted to out loud comment on it but he's just going to let fate do its thing instead.
Once he saw you, he knew you'd have to meet Jungkook. It honestly makes him happy. Even though you're ignoring each other.
"Everything's good, so I'll be taking my leave now." you say. Everyone nods and acknowledges giving you little thanks Yous as you grab your stuff. Only Taehyung and his wife. You managed to ignore him and avoid him and all you have to do now is leave.
But as you're walking out a voice speaks.
"Yn, can we get some water?" Jungkook says, voice certain and eyes lowered at you.
He's just trying to get a rise at you yn, walk away. You try to calm yourself. There's so much bottled that you only realized today. You'd thought your anger died long ago but you guess not.
His statement is simple and not that deep but it's the way he says it and how your name has so much weight to it as he speaks it. Makes you irritated. How he's always made you stretch your neck out for him, but he never did for you.
"It's doctor. And about the water? That's not my job." You say your professional demeanor dropping so you can deliver it with more attitude. He knows it's not your job; he just wanted to say and see that look your face.
Why he did it? He doesn't have a reason but just wanted to (maybe) release the tightness in his chest. It doesn't leave anyways.
Fucking piss of shit.
"We should get married."
You stare at the goofball in front of you a smile forming on your face as you watch him speak.
"What?" You chuckle and he frowns at how unserious you're taking him.
"I'm serious yn, I want to marry you." He holds your hand. "We can get married, we're 19 and we're going to uni soon."
He watches how your face contorts at his suggestion.
"Do you not want to marry me?" He lifts his brow, and you groan.
"I do want to..." you start and as he waits to hear your but "...but..." and there it is "Don't you think we're a little too young for that?"
"We're old enough and plus what matters is that we love each other." he holds you closer to him under the tree you two adored to use to hide from the world.
"We'll get married, go to college together and when we can, get a house and live together."
You loved the sound of that, married to Jungkook and living with him as you went to school and back home to each other. Of course you wanted that life with him, but there's a lot you're scared of,
"And our parents?" You ask worried.
He rubs your shoulder.
"Who cares what they think, I love you and I want to marry you." you blush and lean in closer into him feeling his heartbeat under your palm. You loved being with him, alone and away from the world and that's what you hoped marriage will do for the two of you. Keep your love protected from the world.
"So?" He asked and you knew what you were required to do. "Will you marry me yn?"
You stay silent to tease him and when he tickles you for an answer, you agree to answer.
"Yes Jungkook I'll marry you."
He smiles at your answer and places a kiss on your cheek holding you closer to him.
"I'll always love you yn, not matter what okay?"Â He squeezes his face into yours.
"Okay?" He's voice is muffled against your cheek as you giggle.
"Okay, Jungkook, okay." your laughter dies down as he stops to place a kiss on your cheek.
You hated this. No. You hated him.
What's he so full of that he can come here and try to be sarcastic with you. In your territory. You'll give it to him that he didn't know you'd be here but to be fair that's not an excuse to be an ass. You'd thought maybe he'd changed.
But no, he's still shitty and condescending as fuck.
You're glad you divorced him, and you're glad to know that you still hate his face. His stupid face. The stupid face that has grown into its masculine and manly features.
You hate that you even noticed that.
"Yn you good? "
"Huh?" You say still brain fogged "Yeah I'm good, just tired." You smile awkwardly and Rosie knows it's a lie. She sits next to you on the break-room bench.
"You sure? " She asks and you nod, not trusting your voice to speak.
"I don't believe you."
"Then don't." You say coming out a little too harsh, you're not mad at her so you apologize for the attitude. You're still set off from the interaction with Jungkook. It was barely an interaction cause you two were avoiding each other like two ships at sea. But the tension and the way you avoided each other's space said a lot.
"Tell me yn." She whines in her bratty voice. "We've been friends since high school, why not tell me."
You sigh. You two have been friends for some time. She's been there for you and Jungkook's first date and your divorce. Damn it you did years of medicine together, so why hide from her. Plus, you know she won't stop bugging till you tell her.
"Jungkook's back."Â You probably shouldn't have phrased it like that. He's not back, you just happened to meet him while another old friend had a child.
"Taehyung had a baby and they have a delivery room upstairs and I bumped into him." You elaborate.
"Taehyung had a kid?" You deadpan her at how that's the only thing she heard. "Okay, okay" she raises her hands in defence. "So, you just saw him, you didn't talk?"
"No." you never really talked so you wouldn't phrase it as that.
"Then what's wrong darling." She wraps her arms around you and brings her face to yours.
You explain to her what he said and why it pissed you off.
"I'm just kinda pissed off. " You sigh and lean into her.
"He's a dick don't mind him. He's probably miserable and trying to bring you down after seeing you living out your dreams." She tries to comfort you.
You shake your head. "I don't know he looks good-he looks well I mean," you correct yourself. "Plus, Taehyung's in the private suite so I doubt they are anything close to broke."
Rosie doesn't know what to say now, she's not surprised. But you look disturbed and she wants to help.
"You know what? it doesn't even matter." she goes quiet. "You know what? we should go for drinks on the weekend."
Normally, you'd say no. But it's been while since you went out and the weekend was coming and you were weirdly free through all of it. So it wouldn't hurt to go out.
"Okay." Rosie's taken aback by your lack of reluctance. She prepared a whole speech to convince you encase you said no.
"Which bar? " You ask curious.
"Satin."
"Isn't it just opening up?" You stare with a questioning look. The opening of satin was all that was being talked about amongst your friends. So, you'd eventually end up curious and want to go there. it wasn't your plan to go on the first day though.
"Yeah makes it much better to find some rich bachelor." she whispers. "This doctor/residence job isnât gonna pay for my new car."
You roll your eyes and chuckle at her amusement. She honestly makes you happy and able to forget everything that makes you feel like shit. It's her bright and bubbly characteristic that you envy and seem to lack.
"So, you and yn?" Taehyung asks as he does his warmups. Jungkook laughs at how Taehyung has been warming up for so long. He knows he's probably avoiding real gym work.
"What about me and her?" Jungkook says as he puts on his boxing gloves, trying his best to keep the conversation short.
He's not surprised he's bringing this up, he actually prepped himself for it.
"Still awkward?" Tae bends and stretches. Jungkook points for him to quit it and grab some gloves. He groans and grabs a pair. He should honestly be making most of the time he's got to be in a gym because he won't be here often.
"It's been over 4 years since we talked of course it's awkward." Jungkook sends some practice punches into the air. He needs to quicken this conversation with Taehyung. He knows what he's doing, and he knew it was going to happen as soon as he left the hospital, he was just waiting for when.
"Why not talk it out?" Jungkook almost snorts out at how stupid this conversation is.
Taehyung feels a gush of wind pass his face as Jungkook deliberately missed his face. Whether it's to shut him up, get him ready to work out or just for the fun of it, he doesnât know. Taehyung doesn't know but Jungkook now options to hit him. He uses his arms to protect himself from the man too focused on working out than the conversation.
"We never talked it out when we divorced, so why should we now." He speaks so lightly of the situation, no emotion or care for it. "We have no relationship." He spits out as he throws a punch that Taehyung dodges.
"Bullshit. You and yn are goals" Taehyung pauses "were goals at least, before whatever the fuck happened."
Jungkook chuckles but it's not anything from genuine amusement or from the good memories you two shared.
"Don't laugh, I'm serious. You need to talk to her and get this shit sorted." Taehyung groans ad he blocks more of his blows. They grow more intense. "I hate being in between you two." Taehyung throws a punch of his own, when Jungkook is slow. "Pity me a child of divorced parents. Imagine how this has traumatized me." Taehyung is quick to his feet to throw a punch and Jungkook is the one to block it.
"Too bad. But you look fine to me, a kid, a wife and a good paying job." Jungkook takes back his dominance.
He's happy for Taehyung, but to say he isn't a little jealous is a..
"And what about you? " Jungkook loses his focus for a second and Taehyung lands a low blow in his gut.
He groans and fixes his footing and gloves as he tries to one-up Taehyung.
"I've got a good paying job. That's all I need." he says bluntly trying to focus on a free spot to throw a blow.
"Lies. Look the universe has brought you two back together, talk it out with yn."
Bang. Jungkook smacks Taehyung in the side of his face. To be fair that felt quite personal and he slightly feels bad for hitting him. He doesn't want him to go home and see his kid while he's all bloody.
But that's what he gets for bringing you up as a topic to talk about. After all these years, like he cares.
He doesn't care. Still, it's not like seeing you doesn't make him feel some sort of way. He feels something. Definitely some type of bitterness, anger and emptiness.
"No. Plus it's been 4 years. Far too long to 'talk it out'. " He air quotes with his gloves on. "And it's not just a small problem, we went through the wringer and failed.â Jungkook uses rapid movements to stop his thoughts. âSo even if we talked it out what would it change, we can't be friends anymore. Or lovers at that." He scoffs at the thought.
Taehyung jumps back indicating he wants to stop and focus on the topic. Jungkook groans and rolls his eyes.
Taehyung doesn't care, he'll press on. He knows Jungkook likes to avoid and that's why he'll keep bringing it up.
Jungkook chuckles. "She divorced me, that's my closure. I signed the papers, that's her closure." He won't lie but he could feel how harsh and insensitive his words sound as they left his mouth. But it's too late to take them back. At least you weren't here to hear them.
"Oh, come on, don't be so stiff hearted." he takes off his gloves getting kind of irritated at his friend for being so reckless and not doing what he should've done years ago.
Fight for you. Make you want to stay. Change and be better. Or whatever.
As a witness Taehyung knows what Jungkook and you had can never be replaced. And even though Jungkook has tried he's just miserable though he says otherwise. But he's just so stubborn.
"Well maybe if she wasn't so stiff minded, we would've been the ones with the kid, maybe even two with a dog even." he says chugging down a bottle of water trying cool his racing heart that races from the exercise and not the thought of starting a family with you. The thoughts have always haunted him. And they've now been revived even more and it's irritating.
"See? Talk it out. " Taehyung says feeling like he's found a weak spot.
"Fuck off. Its never gonna happen. I'm just talking out of my ass." Taehyung knows he's lying; he's always known Jungkook to want a family and the only person he knew that he'd want that was with you. He knows it's hard to reignite something from years ago, but it's never too late to try.
"More like heart" Taehyung whispers and Jungkook sends him a dead-behind -the-eyes gaze.
You had forgotten how much you enjoyed dressing up and going out with your friends. From marriage, to school, to work you've really lost some parts of yourself. You still love and appreciate it all in the good and bad, but you still wish you could have some of your college ways back.
The mini dresses, heels, makeup and hair done. Just reminds you of how attractive you are.
You laugh.
Even through all these efforts you're finding hard to put yourself out there into the dating world. It's all tiring, from the men to the dates, to the kissing and touching that never satisfies. Itâs just not the same anymore. Nothing feels good and you hate to admit it.
You decided to go dressed casual but still making an effort.
"Oh my gosh girl, switch bodies with me." Rosie whines as she cheers you on in your outfit. She's dressed in a tiny black skirt and red lace top; she looks so good and you're sure she's gonna leave you alone the whole night.
Rosie always looks good in what she wears, and you admire how confident she manages to be. you wish that for yourself right now.
You do love to dress up. But like most things, you've lost a touch for looking good. Most of your times you're either in your scrubs or in comfy home clothes you wear when you never see the light of day.
But for tonight you make an effort to connect into your inner party girl.
The black, mid-thigh, bodycon dress hugs your figure as its long sleeves hug your arms. Rosieâs favorite part of the dress; the low bare back cut.
You were feeling a little self-conscious about it but when Rosie told you looked hot and you'd definitely catch everyone's eye., you decide to say fuck it and go on.
That's the point of tonight, right? To let go and forget.
"I think it's so fucking cool that Jimin opened a nightclub," Namjoon says, sitting at the back of the car.
"It's quite Jimin of him," Taehyung and Namjoon laugh.
And like a saint, Jungkook keeps his eyes on the road, his hands gripping the steering wheel.
"How about you?" They all turn to Jungkook.
Jungkook finally speaks when he realizes he's being talked to. "What about me?" He speaks as though he wasn't paying attention to the conversation.
"What do you think about Jimin opening a club?"
Jungkook shifts in his seat for no specific reason. "It's cool, I guess."
"Cool?" Namjoon exclaims at how boring and plain his answer sounds. "Come on."
"What?" Jungkook defends himself. "I mean, it's cool, and I'm proud of him. What else do you want me to say?" He leans back into the car seat, finally getting comfortable, but his mind is still so far away.
Taehyung and Namjoon furrow their brows at Jungkookâs tone but soon brush away his lack of excitement or interest. In his defence, he was with Jimin during every step of buying and furnishing the club, so it's not as exciting for him. Only Jungkook had been in on it because he helped Jimin with the legal side of it all. So maybe that's why he's not so excited.
Or maybe it's because of the fact that he's never been one to be a club-goer. It's not that he doesn't enjoy it when he gets the chance, but it's never been for him. You were always the club-goer in the relationship, and you'd always drag him to go. And because you were with him, he would go and enjoy his time. It's all different now.
Clubs feel weird; they hold memories and empty feelings.
"Try to enjoy tonight, okay?" Taehyung pats Jungkookâs back.
He doesn't get the gesture but takes it anyway. Taehyung knows his friend isn't being himself right now, and he's got his suspicions about the cause. But he won't bug him; heâs already done his part.
They walk into the club and soon are met with their blond-haired friend, who excuses himself from the previous conversation to walk over to them.
Hugs and greetings are shared.
"Congratulations, bro! This place is beautiful."
Jimin's proud of how well this place turned out. It's his newfound pride and joy.
The place is a typical high-end nightclub, with the best music, drinks, and food. The decor and ambiance fit Jimin's fantasies to a tee.
"Yeah, all thanks to Kookie boy over here, I was able to buy and renovate it with no trouble." Jimin turns to Jungkook, who seems lost in staring at the place.
The club isn't too crowded; they got there early to look around and talk to Jimin because they knew he'd be busy the rest of the night.
"Ya! Jungkook, are you with us?" Jimin calls him out.
He turns to where he's being called as he blinks. "Y-yeah, I'm here."
They all choose to ignore it, knowing that he can be distant sometimes.
"You guys grab some drinks; I have some people to talk to." Jimin excuses himself, and they know the only time they're going to see him is when the night ends.
Jungkook is the first one to walk off and grab himself a drink; he's going to need it.
You and Rosie planned on going early, but because of traffic and your delay in getting ready, you were two hours late after the opening. You knew it would be packed since it was the grand opening, but shockingly, it was not as crowded as you expected. There was room to move and walk around. Most people were so well-dressed that you'd think this was a gala instead and that you were underdressed. But no matter what, you still felt out of place.
You looked good and felt good, but thereâs only so much you can do to make yourself comfortable.
Rosie scoped the place, and when she spotted the bar, she pulled your hand toward it.
"First, we drink," she said, more excited than you. She ordered the drinks, and soon you were handed one.
As you sipped, you felt eyes on you. You'd felt them since you walked in; whether you minded it or not, you didn't know yet. You still felt like a sore thumb, but after this drink, you were sure you'd settle into the scene.
"So many hot men. Damn," Rosie muttered to herself, but you were still able to catch what she said. You chuckled, happy that she was settling in. She was so good at it.
Soon, you were on your third drinkânothing crazy. You weren't trying to get blacked out, but you were definitely feeling a little more settled in.
Rosie left a few minutes ago to talk to some people or whatever. And even though she offered, you declined to go along with her. You weren't up to meeting strangers tonight. You just wanted to enjoy yourself, by yourself. So, you sat by the bar and enjoyed the music.
"You enjoying the night?"
A voice from your left spoke. You took a minute to respond, debating whether the man was speaking to you.
You turned and took in his appearance: blond hair swooped back, making him look clean and professional, and a suit that fit his physique perfectly.
"Yeah," you chuckled, not sounding convincing and not trying to keep the conversation going.
The man seemed to want to continue talking, though, and honestly, you didn't know if you were interested in conversing with him. He didn't seem like a creep, but you could never know with men.
The silence consumed you (excluding the club music), and his presence lingered by your side.
A glass slid in front of you as you looked to the bartender, who then directed you to the man sitting next to you.
"It's on the house." He stared at you with a warm, cheeky smile, and you stared back with a suspicious one.
You took the glass into your hands and brought it to your lips. Might as well make the most of the interaction if he wasn't going to leave. "You say that like you own the place," you chuckled as the liquid slid down your throat. You couldn't help but cringe at how strong it tasted.
The blond stayed silent and watched you, waiting for you to catch on.
"Wait... are you actually the owner?" you paused.
You watched a slow smile form on his lips. He nodded.
You squinted. "Or are you just saying that to try and flirt?" You kept your eyes narrowed.
"The last thing I'd do is lie."
You wouldn't say you were surprised, because now that you looked at him, he fit the picture of a high-end nightclub owner. Even the way he spokeâgently and respectfullyâmade you want to warm up to him.
But why was he talking to you? Didn't he have other things to do?
"Wow. That's cool. The place looks lovely." You took in the environment one more time. You'd never expect to meet the owner of the club, and you never thought he'd be so young. Older men were typically more likely to own such a place.
"It should, because I spent quite the penny on it." He chuckled, sipping his own drink. You took in his words. How much does such a place cost? Does he own it by himself, or does he have partners? You didn't want to ask, though; you just kept your eyes on him and shifted them elsewhere when he turned to look at you.
"Must feel good to see it so full, huh?"
"Yeah, but..." he paused, and you turned your body to give him your full attention. Finally. "My heart breaks when I see people sitting at the bar, looking like they're not enjoying their time."
You laughed and blushed, embarrassed, knowing that he was talking about you. Is that what you looked like to people? Like you were bored?
You laughed one more time before you decided to speak. "I am enjoying my time," you started, not sounding too convincing at all. "Itâs just been a while since I've been out."
He nodded. "I get it. Busy with work?" It was a random question, and he debated with himself on whether to assume.
"Yeah," you laughed, thinking about work, and soon your thoughts drifted back to the man you met, and the bitterness sprang up again, but you hid it, not wanting to sour your mood. You downed the drink, maybe to burn away the feeling and thought, to erase the picture forming in your mind.
"Then you should let loose." He stood, holding out his hand for you.
"W-what?" You choked out with a smile.
"Come dance with me." He was charming; you wouldn't lie, and you were definitely charmed.
"No, I can't..." you laughed.
"You have a boyfriend?" He raised a brow, and you shook your head. "Husband?" You could feel the acid reflux come back up again. You shook your head once more, this time less enthusiastically.
"Then come dance with me. Please?" He held his hand out, waiting for your answer. "Make my night."
You didn't need much sweet-talking; you were going to say yes anyway, but he seemed like a nice guy, and he was attractiveâvery much so. It wouldn't hurt to dance with someone, even just once. This was your chance to catch up to Rosieâs streak tonight, though no one could compete.
"Okay," you said as you took his hand, which was warm to the touch. Your eyes moved down to his wrist as you noticed the Rolex that adorned it. You weren't a watch person, but that was definitely some high-class stuff.
"Thank you," he said with a smile as he placed an unexpected hand on your lower back. You didn't mind it, and you soon warmed up to it.
You danced for a few minutes, and you quickly forgot your reluctance, letting loose in his arms. He swiftly pulled you back into his chest as you swayed your hips.
"Look at you," he said, complimenting how you smiled and danced. "And you wanted to rot yourself at the bar."
You sheepishly laughed, not knowing what to add. It was definitely nice to get off the stool and dance, especially with someone who had shockingly made you comfortable.
"I didn't catch your name, love," he whispered in your ear as you held onto his shoulders. He felt stupid for going this long without getting your name, but better late than never, right?
"My name's Y/N. What's yours?"
He smiled as he leaned in closer.
"Jimin."
"Jimin? That's a pretty name."
Jimin chuckled. He'd take the compliment.
"Is it?" You nodded. Jimin got lost in your eyes, and you got lost in his as well. "Would you like me to show you around?"
"Like around the club?" You moved back to catch his gaze as he nodded. "Yeah, sure, I'd like that."
So you stepped off the dance floor as he held your hand, guiding you on the path to walk. He wasn't planning on doing anything ridiculous with you; maybe it was just the excitement of being the new owner that had him wanting to show people around.
Meanwhile, Jungkook was still not feeling the atmosphere. Boredom and bitterness still coated his chest. Neither his friends nor the women who came to talk to him seemed to make the night pleasant.
Though he tried to avoid it, the alcohol did help to make the night a little more tolerable. He watched the dance floor from their VIP section as his friends chatted about whatever, and he stared mindlessly.
He listened to how Taehyung refused to drink, only settling for a non-alcoholic beverage since he had to go back home to a baby. Namjoon teased him for his newfound sense of responsibility.
"What the fuck is up with Jungkook?" Namjoon asked Taehyung directly.
"Maybe it's because he bumped into Y/N at the hospital. Did I tell you?"
Namjoon shook his head. "What was she doing there? Don't tell me she had a baby too!"
Taehyung scoffed at Namjoonâs suspicion. "No, she's a doctor. I think he'd lose his shit if she did, though. Just look at how affected he is from seeing her."
He definitely would. He'd lose his shit real bad.
"So you think it's about that?" Namjoon took a sip.
"Yeah, I'm sure."
"Did they seem cool at all?"
"As cool as two bulls seeing red," Taehyung scoffed.
"I'll be back." They heard the subject of their conversation speak as he stood.
"Damn," Namjoon said, watching Jungkook walk away.
Jungkook had been dodging every woman who came into contact with him. Tonight was about supporting Jimin, not finding a hookup. Plus, he had been too busy with work to even find interest in hooking up.
To be honest with himself, he had been quite thrown off since the day he saw you at the hospital. Your white coat and blue scrubs complemented your skin. Fuck, he hated it.
He hated being off his game; it was the anger he felt. He had always wondered what he would do if he ever saw you again, and he had never known the answer. Even right now, he didn't know what to do about it. But he didn't need to think too much about it. He had only seen you once, and that was that. Itâs not like he was going to see you again.
Gosh, he always wondered if you stayed in Seoul, and it looked like you did. He had always felt fine not knowing if you were within the city or not. But now that he was sure you were still here and probably frequenting the same places he did, the town felt small, and the air felt suffocating.
He was angry, bitter, and confused. With Taehyung in his ear, he grew more bothered by your existence. He had been fine when he never saw you, never knew where you were, or if you were okayânot knowing if you had ever moved on or not. He had been fine not knowing and just forgetting about you.
Or at least he thought he was.
Seeing you just opened a wound to something he had forgottenânot healed.
Since that day, he had been bombarded with thoughts and worries about you. He had questions, but he didn't know if he would be able to ask them if he opened his mouth. Or if he would even want to know the answers to some.
Whenever you were around and he opened his mouth, he just let his bitterness take the lead and speak for him.
He did feel shitty for what he said. To the outside eye, it might have seemed harmless, but between the two of you, it held more weight, and he should have known better than to say it.
Why couldn't he have just said "hi"? Like a normal person.
"Have you gotten the chance to go over the results?" Jungkook's assistant asks as he walks into his office. Is he an assistant? More like an associate, rather.
"No, I just got them, so I only skimmed through." To be honest, he's been trying to balance a lot lately: his work, this case, his thoughts, and his emotionsâspecifically, you. He's never had this much trouble before, but it needs to stop. It's a big and emotionally sensitive case he needs to work on, so he needs to have his full focus on analyzing the case and not on what he did to lose you.
"Take a look," Jaehyun suggests to his superior, who seems out of it. "And I was thinking we should get a doctor to testify." He lays out the papers on Jungkookâs side table, and Jungkook lets him, watching closely and trying to pay attention.
"I can have some doctors go over the report andâ" Jungkook's voice intercepts and startles the younger man.
"No. That won't be necessary. I already have someone." Jungkook says, a small smile taking over his face.
This is a good chance for him to see you again and get the opportunity to apologize for what he said. And maybe his mind will leave him alone.
"You've got to be kidding me! Why am I being haunted?" you exclaim, disbelief flooding your voice as you approach the front desk. The sight of Jungkook standing there sends a rush of conflicting emotions through youâanger, frustration, and an undeniable pang of something else you refuse to acknowledge. Jungkook knew you wouldnât be happy to see him, but all he hoped was that you wouldnât make a scene.
"Don't be childish," he replies, his tone clipped as you draw closer. "Look, Iâm not here to argue; I just want to talk." He pulls you aside, creating a small barrier between the two of you and the bustling crowd around the desk.
"Nothing to talk about, Jeon," you mutter, folding your arms defensively. Surprisingly, you donât walk away, even though every part of you screams to escape. You tell yourself itâs to avoid causing a scene, but deep down, you know itâs more complicated than that.
"I need your help." His rushed, hushed words catch you off guard, and you canât help but snicker, a bitter laugh escaping your lips.
"With what?" You feign disinterest, but the urge to provoke him lingers, like a moth drawn to a flame.
"A case I'm working on. I need a doctor to testify." His seriousness is almost comical, and for a moment, you think he must be joking. It feels like a cruel twist of fateâhe rose from the ashes of your past just to humiliate you all over again.
"And you came to me to recommend someone? I'm pretty sure you have other people to ask." You turn to leave, your heart racing with a mix of indignation and something softer that you refuse to acknowledge.
"I want your help." His words stop you in your tracks, and you feel a flicker of somethingâhope? Regret? You roll your eyes, trying to mask the turmoil inside.
"This is stalking, Jungkook. Just because you know where I work doesnât mean you can show up whenever you feel like it." You find yourself trying to ignore the weight of his previous words, the way they linger in the air between you.
Jungkook sighs, frustration etched across his features. He knows he shouldnât have come here; itâs weird, especially given the history between you two. What made him think youâd suddenly warm up to him after four years apart? He should have thought it through before leaping at the opportunity. But thereâs something familiar about being around you, something that feels like home, even after all this time.
"I'm sorry," he says, and the words take you aback. You never thought youâd hear him apologize for anything. Your hands drop to your sides as you struggle to look anywhere but at him. "I shouldnât have come here. Iâm sorry. But I need your help." He doesnât necessarily need your help, but he sure does want it. Itâs not the apology youâve been waiting for, but it stirs something deep within you.
"No, Iâm not going to. Plus, Iâm just a junior doctor," you say, your tone softening as you reluctantly engage in the conversation.
"You got your degree, didnât you?" He asks, and you nod, feeling a flicker of pride. Before you can respond, he continues, "Practicing license?" Another nod. "Work experience?" His questions come in a rush, and you knit your brows together, feeling the pressure of his expectations.
"Yeah," you reply, glancing around your workplace, filled with patients, doctors, and nurses, all oblivious to the tension crackling between you two.
You shake your head, trying to ground yourself in reality. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"Itâs all you need to testify and ensure your words arenât null and void."
For a fleeting second, you consider it. Then you donât.
"And honestly, why the hell would I want to help you?" You snap back, your arms folding across your chest once more, a barrier against the emotions threatening to spill over.
"You're not helping me; you're helping a little girl." His words freeze you in place, and suddenly, the weight of his plea sinks in. "Honestly, I donât care if weâre good or not. I just need your help. She needs your help."
You donât know if itâs his new method of guilt-tripping or the sincerity in his voice, but the statement has you straightening your back, your resolve wavering.
"Donât guilt trip me," you lower your eyes at him, and he scoffs, a hint of amusement dancing in his gaze as he watches your expression shift.
"I'm not," he insists, and maybe itâs the cheeky smile that suddenly forms on his face that makes you shy under his gaze. Jungkookâs words have always had a way of getting to you, and youâre shocked to find that it still works. You guess itâs a good thing he became a lawyer; it suits him.
Jungkook sighs, his expression softening. "You know what? If you donât want to help me, itâs alright. I get itâ"
"Iâll help you." The words escape your lips before you can fully process them, and you canât help but feel a mix of surprise and resignation.
You had spent more time than you wanted with Jungkook over the week, but it was just to prepare you. Once you helped him, you hoped heâd leave you alone and you could finally go your own way, trying to forget as much of him as you could.
"What should I wear?" you asked him over the phone. It reminded you of conversations youâd had before visiting his parents. You promised to only use his line for talking about the case, and thatâs what you were doing; afterwards, you swore you were going to delete it.
"Wear what you want." He leaned back in his chair, listening to you talk while paying close attention.
"Even my underwear?" You tried to be sarcastic.
You could hear Jungkookâs soft chuckle, and it warmed your heart, making you blush. Thoughts of your late-night calls flooded your mind, but you quickly caught yourself.
Stop, you told yourself as you wiped the smile off your face.
"Not for the court." His index and middle fingers found their way to rubbing his lower lip. You could hear the sultriness in his voice, and his tone reminded you of somethingâah, phone sex.
Why the hell are you thinking this? Shit.
"Wear what you want, just make it presentable." His tone shifted back to serious. Your silence made him think he had crossed a line. Honestly, he didnât intend to; it just came so naturally to him.
You sighed. Jungkook waited for you to end the call, but you didnât.
"Goodnight," you finally found the courage to say, ready to end the conversation.
"Gooâ" Before he had a chance to respond, the line beeped, and you hung up.
The thought of hearing his voice and having it embedded in your mind once again was too much for you to handle. Hearing his voice was already overwhelming.
It was deeper, more mature, and sensuâ
"Not possible for the injuries sustained to be accidental or self-inflicted," you assert, your voice steady and confident, just as Jungkook instructed you to be. Your gaze drifts to him, and you catch his encouraging smile, a small nod that sends a rush of warmth through you. It feels good to have him there, supporting you, but the past few days spent working on this case with him have left you in a whirlwind of emotions, unsure of what to feel.
"So, MrsâsorryâDoctor," Jungkookâs counterpart interjects, the slip of your title not an accident but a tactic that has Jungkook sitting up straighter in his chair, adjusting his suit. He senses the tension in the air and doesnât like where this is headed. "What youâre saying is that itâs not possible?"
"Y-yes." You can see how the slip-up has thrown you off balance; your tone falters, but you fight to maintain your confidence, even as you avoid Jungkookâs gaze.
"Not in this lifetime or the next?" The pressure mounts, and you feel the anxiety bubbling within you, your palms growing clammy as your heart races.
"Iâll never want to be with you again in this life or the next," you had yelled at Jungkook one night before your divorce, the memory echoing painfully in your mind.
What the hell is happening? Your heart constricts, and you feel the weight of the room pressing down on you.
"Yes," you say, your voice firmer now, desperate to move past this line of questioning. The only time youâve ever been in a courtroom was to sign your divorce papers.
"And perhaps, do you think youâre not knowledgeable enough to determine this?" he presses, and you can feel the heat rising in your cheeks.
"No. If youâre not satisfied, I have many other doctorsâ statements with me," you retort, a hint of cockiness creeping into your tone.
"Not necessary." He shrugs it off, turning to his table to pick up some papers. "But I do have to ask..."
A smirk plays on his lips, and Jungkook feels a knot of anxiety tighten in his stomach.
"Are you maybe a little biased in your opinion because of your close relationship with Counsel Jeon?"
You freeze, the words hitting you like a punch to the gut. Stay calm, Y/N.
"What do you mean?" you ask, your voice steady but your heart racing.
"Objection, Your Honor. What heâs asking is unnecessary," Jungkook interjects, his voice firm.
"Overruled."
Jungkook groans, frustration boiling beneath the surface. This isnât what he wanted, but he should have expected it. He got too carried away enjoying your presence, even if he wonât acknowledge it.
"Go on, Counsel." Now youâre about to be grilled about something youâre not prepared for.
"Thank you, Your Honor. Now, Ms. or Mrs.," he jeers.
"I prefer Dr.," you snap back, irritation flaring as you feel your professionalism slipping.
"Doctor, are you married?"
You chuckle, the absurdity of the question almost making you laugh.
"In front of the court?" you tease, your tone a mix of annoyance and playfulness. Jungkook canât help but feel a swell of pride at how youâre handling yourself. Youâve always had to defend yourself against his family, and heâs felt like a coward for not standing up for you when you needed it most.
"Thatâs not what I mean, and you know it."
You shrug your shoulders, insinuating otherwise, and take a deep breath, trying to steady yourself.
"No, Iâm not."
"So, divorced? Because it was made known to me that you and Counsel Jeon had an intimate relationship." His words cut deep, and you bite your inner cheek, hoping you donât draw blood. "Could your statement and judgment be influenced by the romance you two share, henceforth you help him and influence others to do so?"
Your mouth goes dry, and you take a moment to collect yourself, refusing to look at Jungkook, afraid of the look in his eyes that might make you break down.
"Jeon and I donât share any sort of relationship outside of this courtroom," you say, your heart constricting painfully. Jungkook shifts in his seat, frustration simmering as he wishes he could react, but he knows he canât.
"But you have, am I right?" he bellows, clinging to the idea. "Four years ago, married for two years, no children." With each word, you bite harder into your cheek, feeling the pressure mounting.
"Your Honor!" Jungkook tries to interject, but heâs ignored.
You glance at the judge, and Jungkook recognizes that look on your face âthe same look youâd give him at family dinners, a silent plea for him to speak up, to defend you. But he never did, and the weight of that regret crushes him. Why was he such a coward? The determination to protect you surges within him, and he knows he canât let this continue.
The judge looks at you, waiting for your answer.
So, you take a deep breath, steeling yourself against the onslaught of emotions.
"Yes," you finally admit, your voice barely above a whisper.
"Who ended the relationship?" he snaps back, the pressure mounting like a vice around your chest.
"I did," you respond quickly, the words spilling out before you can think.
"And was it because of something he did or something you did?"
"Objection, Your Honor!" Jungkookâs voice cuts through the tension, sounding more agitated than he intended. His assistant can see how unlike him heâs being; heâs never responded with this much emotion, but the stakes are too high.
"Skip the question, Counsel." The judgeâs tone is firm, and Jungkook feels a flicker of satisfaction, but itâs not enough. He needs to get you out of this situation.
"Why did you end the relationship?" The defence attorney presses, and you can feel the weight of the room closing in on you.
"The typicalâI wasnât happy," you say blandly, though inside, the iron taste of anxiety lingers.
"Have you and Mr. Jeon rekindled that old flame?"
Would you call hanging out to prepare for this case rekindling? No. Would you call enjoying his presence and calling him for small things about the case rekindling a flame?
You almost laugh, but itâs a hollow sound.
"No," you reply, your voice steady.
"Then why are you helping him here today?"
"I'm not helping him; I'm helping the little girl."
You can see a smile appear on the defence attorney's face, a smugness that makes your skin crawl.
"Do you know her personally?" he asks, dripping with sarcasm, but you refuse to bite.
"No."
"Then why help? Why should you care about a stranger?"
"I donât need to know a person to care for them. Thatâs one of the reasons I am a doctor. Sheâs just a child, and I have an obligation to defend her when I can," you say, your voice rising with conviction.
But beneath that conviction, a deeper feeling wells up inside youâa longing to be defended yourself. All your life, youâve faced hellfire from your parents and others, and all you ever wished for was someone to stand up for you. Maybe thatâs why Jungkook had stolen your heart in high school; he was there for you, defending you from bullies and creeps. But when it came to his parents, he had failed you.
"Is it the girl you care about or Counsel Jeon?" The defence attorneyâs voice cuts through your thoughts, and frustration bubbles to the surface. Your heart races, and you feel the walls closing in, your breath coming in shallow gasps. You might just have a panic attack.
Jungkook sees it, his palms sweating as he fights the urge to intervene.
"Tell the court, Doctor. Tell them how you still hold feelings for him and are doing this to get back with him. You donât care about that little girl; you care about Jeon and helping him because you still love him, and your findings are biased and inaccurate."
His words press down on you, and you feel yourself slipping. In this moment, youâre bound to say anythingâtrue or falseâjust to escape this suffocating situation. Jungkook is uncomfortable in his seat, knowing he canât react how he wants to, but something in him still wants to know what you might say.
"I donât love him; I was young and stupid when I married him, and it was a mistake," you rush out, frustration spilling over as you fight to free yourself from these overwhelming feelings. You donât want to break down here, not in front of everyone, not in front of Jungkook.
Youâre on the verge of tears.
The defence attorney opens his mouth to speak, but Jungkookâs voice cuts through again.
"Your Honor, my witness is uncomfortable and has done what she came to do. Anything else is unnecessary." His tone is fed up, and heâs not about to let this continue. If the judge says no, heâll pull you out of here, consequences be damned. He canât bear to watch you suffer like this. Heâs hurt you enough in your life, and he blames himself for forcing you into this situation.
"Iâll agree with Counsel on this," the judge finally says. "The witness is free from the box."
You let out a sigh of relief, but itâs hard to move. The weight of the moment lingers, and you feel the tears well up in your eyes, threatening to spill over. You turn on your heel and storm out of the courtroom, not daring to glance back at Jungkook. The rush of emotions is overwhelming, and you can feel the tears welling up, blurring your vision as you push through the door.
"Y/N, wait!" Jungkook calls after you, his voice cutting through the chaos in your mind. You can hear his footsteps echoing behind you, but you donât stop. You need to get away, to breathe, to escape the suffocating atmosphere of the courtroom and the weight of the past that hangs between you.
Once youâre in a clear area, he catches up to you, grabbing your arm gently but firmly. "I canât just let you go like this."
You pull away, your heart racing. "I came here to help, not to get grilled about something Iâm still trying to forget, Jungkook." Your voice trembles, the tears finally spilling down your cheeks. You wipe them away angrily, but they keep coming, each drop a reminder of the pain youâve been trying to suppress.
Jungkookâs heart breaks at the sight of you, vulnerable and raw. Heâs seen you cry before, but this feels differentâmore intense, more real. "I know, and Iâm sorry. Thatâs how the court is. But itâs my fault," he says, stepping closer, his voice low and earnest.
"If I had known, I wouldâveâ"
"You wouldâve what? Defended me? Thereâs nothing youâve ever done to defend me unless it was to soothe your own ego or pride," you spit out, the venom in your words reflecting the hurt that has festered for so long.
"Y/NâŠ" He pleads, searching for the right words, but they elude him. Youâre the only person in this world who can silence him, whether itâs with your sweetness or your rage. Normally, heâd have a comeback for anyone else, but with you, heâs left speechless.
"Donât say anything. Iâve helped you, and I honestly hope you winânot for you, but for that little girl." You take a shaky breath, trying to regain your composure. "But please, never come to my work again or even call. Please." Your voice softens at the end, a desperate plea that cuts through the anger.
His heart aches at your words. Youâre asking him to leave you alone, but deep down, he knows you donât really mean it. Your heart is pleading for him to hold you, to tell you that everything will be okay, that heâs there to protect you. But he canât say that nowânot when youâre so hurt.
He doesnât fight back, not like he usually would. This time, itâs strategic. He knows youâre angry, and thereâs nothing he can say to change that. He respects your wishes, but he wonât let you goânot this time. Heâs let his cowardice and lack of effort keep you from him for too long, and heâs realized he doesnât want to be away from you anymore.
"Truly trouble in paradise?" The voice that had once torn down your walls now cuts through the tension like a knife, and Jungkook can think of nothing but the seething rage boiling inside him.
"Youâre a fucking piece of shit," Jungkook growls, his voice heavy and thick with fury. He barely registers the curious glances from those around him; all he can focus on is the man standing before him, the source of his torment.
"Being good doesnât pay, Jeon," the man sneers, a smug grin plastered across his face. In an instant, Jungkookâs anger ignites, and he lunges forward, wrapping his fist around the manâs collar, the force of his grip wiping the smile off his face. The adrenaline surges through him, amplifying his strength and fury. He could easily crush this man, and the thought is intoxicating.
But just as heâs about to unleash his pent-up rage, his assistant, Jaehyun, steps in, urgency lacing his voice. "Jungkook, please." He grips Jungkookâs arm, trying to pull him back from the brink. Jungkookâs jaw clenches tighter, his eyes locked onto the man beneath him, a tempest of anger and pain swirling within. Heâs ready to say fuck it and end this right here, right now. He could do it, and a dark part of him wants to.
But he knows better. This isnât just about him; itâs about you. Itâs about the mess that has become your lives, and he canât let his anger spiral out of controlânot for himself, not for anyone, and especially not for you.
With a surge of frustration, he shoves the man backward, watching as he stumbles but manages to catch himself, quickly dusting off his shirt. The sight only fuels Jungkookâs rage further.
"Fuck you, you piece of shit," Jungkook snarls one last time, his voice low and dangerous.
The man smirks, a cruel glint in his eyes. "Iâm not the one with a failed marriage, Jeon." The words hang in the air, a taunt that cuts deeper than any physical blow. Jungkook feels the heat of humiliation wash over him, a reminder of everything heâs lost.
"Whereâs she?" he demands, his hand running through his hair in a desperate attempt to regain control.
"Sheâs left. She got into a cab," an intern reports, the words hitting Jungkook like a punch to the gut.
"Fuck," he breathes, his fingers tangling in his slicked-back hair, ruining the carefully styled look. The realization crashes over him like a tidal waveâheâs losing you, and the thought sends a fresh wave of panic coursing through his veins.
"It's not that serious, Y/N. That's just how my mother talks," Jungkook says as you step into your shared apartment, the familiar space feeling more like a prison than a home. Itâs decent, sure, but right now, it feels suffocating.
"Insulting and degrading me is how she talks? Because I don't see her talking to you or Yujin like that," you retort, your voice sharp and laced with hurt. Jungkookâs jaw clenches at the comparison, the tension in the room thickening as he grapples with your words.
"Maybe she's still salty about me disobeying her," he mutters, making excuses for her behavior, as if that somehow justifies the way she treats you.
"That's no fucking excuse," you snap, your voice tight, hands swinging in frustration. The anger bubbling inside you is a mix of hurt and disbelief.
"Mind how you talk to me, Y/N," he barks, turning to face you, his tone harsh and commanding.
"I'll talk however I want to, seeing that you let your mother do the same," you shoot back, watching as he freezes mid-motion, the tension palpable.
You had just returned from Jungkookâs parents' place for dinner, and it had been a nightmare. You had to bite your tongue, suppressing the snarky remarks that threatened to spill out, knowing youâd be blamed for everything regardless. The only one who had stepped in was Jungkookâs father, and while you appreciated it, it felt like a hollow gesture in the face of his motherâs relentless barbs.
"She's my mother! What do you want me to say?" he hisses, frustration etched across his face.
"I WANT YOU TO FUCKING DEFEND ME!" The words burst from your lips, raw and desperate. You rub your face, trying to rein in your emotions, lowering your tone to avoid a noise complaint. "Defend me, Jungkook. That's all I want." Your voice trembles, and you can feel the tears welling up, threatening to spill over.
"I don't want to look like a joke in front of your family every single time we visit," you continue, your heart racing as you lay bare your feelings to someone who seems to be slipping further away. "Being made a fool of, even more, when you donât say anything."
"Thatâs how she is, Y/N, please," he says, defending her yet again, and it feels like a knife twisting in your gut.
"Only to me?" You place a hand on your chest, trying to emphasize your pain. "I get it; Iâm not the best or perfect daughter-in-law, but does that mean I have to get insulted? Itâs not like Iâve ever done anything to her." You search his eyes for understanding, but all you see is a wall. Maybe heâs just fallen out of love with you. Maybe he doesnât care anymore.
"The problem is that you always see it from your side. You're so selfish!" And there it isâhis words hit you like a slap, igniting a fire of indignation within you.
"I'm selfish? What have I ever done to be called selfish?" Tears stream down your face, but you refuse to let them silence you.
"THIS! Right here. Your bratty and victim behaviour." He throws the shirt he had on onto the bed, changing into another one, as if he can shed the weight of this conversation along with his clothes.
"You're just a coward, and you'll never grow to defend anyone, honestly. Between the two of us, you're the selfish one," you say, your voice breaking as you give up trying. Youâve fought so hard, but itâs exhausting when the other person wonât even meet you halfway.
"Say whatever you want, Y/N," he replies, his tone dismissive, never acknowledging that you might be right.
"I'm just going to sleep over at my mom's," you say, the words feeling like a surrender.
"Go ahead," he mutters, not even bothering to turn and face you. The silence that follows is deafening, a chasm of unspoken words and unresolved feelings stretching between you.
You both stand there, two people in a shared space yet feeling more alone than ever, the weight of your unaddressed pain hanging heavily in the air. As you turn to leave, you canât shake the feeling that this might be the beginning of the end.
"You sure youâre okay? Never thought youâd come here by yourself," Jimin says, handing Jungkook a private bottle. He never expected to find himself here alone either, but things change, and feelings hurt more than he cares to admit.
"Yeah, just need some alone time," Jungkook replies, his voice flat, devoid of any life. Jimin stares at him, unsure of how to approach the situation, the weight of unspoken words hanging heavily between them.
"Work?" Jimin tries, hoping to pry a little more out of him.
"Yeah. Letâs say that." Jungkookâs response is vague, and he knows heâs not convincing anyone. But Jimin doesnât press further, even though a million questions swirl in his mind.
He feels a pang of sympathy for his friend, especially not knowing how to help. Jungkook has been quiet and standoffish lately, but tonight feels particularly off. He swears heâs fine, but the facade is crumbling, and Jimin can see it.
"I'm sorry I wonât be with you all night; Iâve got a date." Jimin feels guilty for leaving Jungkook alone in the club, but he canât bail. Itâs not like Jungkook wants company anyway.
"Youâre not gonna ask me about her?" Jimin tries to lighten the mood, but Jungkookâs expression remains stoic. He wouldnât want anything more than to drown out the running thoughts in his head. "Fine, Iâll tell you." Jimin smirks, the thought of describing you igniting a flicker of excitement in him.
"Her nameâs Y/N. Sheâs so gorgeous, and I invited her to hang out with me for the night." The moment your name leaves Jiminâs mouth, Jungkookâs heart drops. What the fuck did he just say? Should he be pissed? The jealousy ignites within him, a burning spite that roars louder than the music in the club. But should he even feel this way? Itâs been two weeks since the court incident, and heâs been hating himself since. He hopes youâre doing better than he is.
"Sheâs so hard to get a hold of because sheâs busy with work or something," Jimin continues, oblivious to the storm brewing inside Jungkook. With each word, Jungkook feels himself slipping further into a dark place, the alcohol numbing his senses but amplifying his emotions.
"Or maybe she doesnât want you," Jimin adds, taking a swig from his drink. Jungkookâs mind races. You and Jimin? The thought sends a wave of anger crashing over him. He hates how things went down between you two, how heâs been unable to think about anything else. He just wants to fix it so badly, but maybe going out with Jimin would make you happy.
Jungkook knows heâs the problem, and heâs understood that for some time now. But how can he show you that heâs learned and changed? Letting you go off with someone else? Maybe thatâs what he deserves.
He wishes he could say something to Jimin, tell him not to do anything with his wifeâyou. But heâs not in a position to make demands. It would be fair to tell Jimin who you are to him, right? But the thought of it feels like a weight too heavy to bear. He lacks the mental strength to confront the reality of his feelings.
"No, she definitely wants me. I wanna dine her and wine her, treat her good, you know?" Jiminâs words grate on Jungkookâs nerves, irritation bubbling to the surface.
"Maybe you should get going," Jungkook says, his tone harsher than he intended, the frustration spilling over.
"Youâre right." Jimin takes the hint, perhaps realizing he shouldnât be talking about himself right now. "Enjoy yourself." He walks away, leaving Jungkook to wallow in his thoughts, his jaw locked and his hand tightly wrapped around his glass.
As the music thumps around him, Jungkookâs mind spirals. He canât shake the image of you with Jimin, the thought gnawing at him like a relentless itch. He takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself, but the jealousy and regret swirl within him, a tempest he canât escape.
Soon, he finds himself wandering around the bar, lost in a haze of emotions, searching for somethingâanythingâto distract him from the reality of what heâs losing. The night stretches on, and with each passing moment, the weight of his choices presses down harder, leaving him feeling more alone than ever.
"Just sign here," your lawyer says, sliding the paperwork across the table to Jungkook. He feels as if the air has been sucked from the room, and he canât breathe. He holds his breath until the reality of the moment crashes down on him, forcing him to gasp for air. It feels like heâs dying anyway, suffocating under the weight of whatâs about to happen.
On the other side of the table, you havenât been breathing since those damn papers were printed out and handed to you. You know youâve made stupid choices in your life, but now youâre left questioning which is more foolish: marrying at such a young age or choosing to divorce Jungkook.
"So thatâs it?" he asks, his voice barely above a whisper as he drags the pen across the dotted line. He canât bring himself to look at you, his gaze fixated on your lawyer instead. Deep down, he had a feeling this would happen, but why wasnât he prepared to fight for you? If you were so eager to end it, maybe you didnât want to make it work, and he wasnât going to force you. But the bitterness of it all gnaws at him, and he canât help but hate you for this. Thereâs so much he despises about himself in this moment.
"Yes," your lawyer replies, holding the papers closer, as if theyâre a lifeline. A heavy, suffocating weight washes over you as you stare at Jungkook, who canât even muster the strength to meet your gaze or try to stop you from doing this. Anger and bitterness swell within you, so overwhelming that you canât bear to be in his presence any longer. You turn and walk out, already having taken all your things from your shared home. Thereâs no need to see him again.
He didnât even fight. The words echo in your mind as your lawyer follows behind you, leading you to their car. You glance back at the entrance door, half-expecting him to come after you, to call your name, to plead with you to stay.
But he doesnât.
Something keeps Jungkook frozen in place, hands trembling and breath coming in labored gasps. Is this how it feels to be heartbroken? He never thought it would happen, not to him, not to you two. You were each otherâs first love, always together, and never had anything this grand happen before. All he can think about is how you gave up on what you had, how you threw everything away.
Selfish.
"Get a grip of yourself," Taehyung says, his eyes focused on the baby heâs rocking and feeding. "She'll cool down." Taehyung is never serious enough to grasp the gravity of things, which makes Jungkook roll his eyes so far back he might just see the moon.
"I really fucked up," he says for the hundredth time since that night, as if repeating it will somehow make it less true. "I was so selfish." The words sink deeper into his skin each time he utters them, like a bad tattoo he canât scrub off. He had spent so long thinking it was your fault, ignoring his own feelings and the situation, never reflecting on it until now. "All she wanted was for me to care." He buries his head in his palms, closing his eyes to wallow in the darkness of his misery.
"I'm so fucking shitty," he continues, and Taehyung listens, trying to block the babyâs ears from Jungkookâs foul language. The baby coos, blissfully unaware of the emotional turmoil swirling around her.
"Itâs pissing me off that this is when Iâm actually seeing it. I spent so much time trying to ignore it." Jungkook canât seem to find a comfortable position on Taehyungâs couch, shuffling around like a toddler who just drank too much juice.
"Thatâs why itâs good to reflect," Taehyung says, not really helping but still managing to sound wise. The baby lets out a little gurgle, and Taehyung quickly rocks her to quiet her down. His wife had gone out to buy some things and hang out with her friends, leaving Taehyung more than happy to babysit.
"But Iâve changed, havenât I?" Jungkook stares at Taehyung, whoâs clearly lost in his own world but still hears the question.
"Itâs shocking," Taehyung replies, deadpan. From what heâs seen, Jungkook has definitely evolved from his childish self. His childish self wouldâve either hidden under the bed, afraid of his own feelings, or yelled out in rebellion against them. Taehyung can actually see how grown his friend has become, but that doesnât mean heâs fully synthesized maturity.
"How am I going to prove that to her?" Jungkook asks, his voice tinged with desperation.
"I donât know," Taehyung deadpans, and Jungkook shoots him a look that could curdle milk.
"Thanks for the help, buddy," Jungkook mutters, feeling like heâs talking to a wall.
Taehyung shrugs, clearly not interested in baby-feeding Jungkook the answers. Heâs just an ear, and he did his part.
"Did I tell you that Jimin invited her there, and thatâs the only reason I got to see her? Fucking universe," Jungkook continues to ramble on. Heâs usually quiet these days, so should Taehyung be happy that his friend is talking or antsy that heâs never shutting up?
"You did tell him?" Taehyung asks, finally meeting Jungkookâs eyes.
"No. I couldnât. I donât know why."
âDoes she know?â
âDoubt it.â
Taehyung groans and chuckles, but low enough not to stir the baby. "Do you think theyâll..."
Jungkook lifts a brow at his friend. "What? Hook up?" The thought itches at his core, and now that heâs thinking about it, he wishes he had told Jimin. He can still call, right? "I hope fucking not," he spits out, bitterness dripping from his words.
"He doesnât know, and you didnât tell him, so you canât blame them." Taehyungâs right, and it bugs Jungkook even more. He feels so stupid.
Jimin was a friend Jungkook had after your divorce, and since he never saw you, you never got to meet him. Jungkook and anyone else never talked about you, so Jimin was lost at the fact that Jungkook had been married to you, though he did know that the guy had been divorced after a drunk night of Taehyung talking nonsense.
"Iâm so fucking stupid, stupid," Jungkook grumbles like a child, and Taehyung laughs, now holding the infant over his shoulder to burp her.
"Spent so many years being bitter and hating her when it was my fucking fault." The realizations keep dawning on him like a bad sitcom.
"Dick move."
"Youâre not helping," Jungkook snaps, but Taehyung just laughs at the thought that heâs here to help him. Right now, heâs just playing the role of the listener so that Jungkook doesnât look crazy for talking to himself and making these realizations. Itâs not that he doesnât want to help or advise his friend; itâs just that thereâs not much he can do except listen.
"Look, Iâm not on your side; Iâm on the side of whateverâs gonna get you back together," Taehyung states, his tone serious for a moment.
"She wonât even talk to me, Tae," Jungkook pouts, but it goes unnoticed by his friend, whoâs too busy celebrating the successful burp of the baby.
"You donât know that," Taehyung replies, still rocking the baby gently.
"Maybe I donât want her to," Jungkook mutters, a hint of bitterness creeping into his voice. "Maybe I want her to just keep ignoring me and move on with her life." Something in him wishes he could leave you alone to set you free from himself, but that was the same mindset that got him divorced in the first place. Maybe if he fought for you, youâd be in a better place. So thatâs what he wants to doâfight for you this time.
"I was really such a bad husband. So stupid and naive. Iâd be mad at me too," he admits, his voice heavy with regret.
Taehyung continues to walk around, rocking the baby. "Maybe instead of telling me this, you should tell her."
"She doesnât even want to see me! How am I gonna do that?" Jungkook exclaims, throwing his hands up in exasperation. He genuinely doesnât know, and heâs never known a foolproof plan that could help him. Heâs just hoping the universe can lend a helping hand, seeing that itâs been invested in their relationship anyway.
"I donât know, but just remember to not be a creep," Taehyung advises, a teasing grin spreading across his face.
"Thanks for the tip, Dr. Phil," Jungkook retorts, rolling his eyes. "Iâll just show up at her door with flowers and a serenade. What could go wrong?"
"Hey, if you can pull off a serenade without scaring her away, Iâd pay to see that," Taehyung chuckles, and the baby lets out a tiny sound, as if sheâs in on the joke.
"So how are you feeling?" Rosie asks, noticing how deeply you're staring into your coffee, as if it holds the answers to all your questions.
"To be honest, I donât know," you reply, releasing an empty chuckle. All you've been thinking about is Jungkook. Youâre not even sure what about him, but the fact that he occupies your mind so much is starting to annoy you. And Rosie can see it too.
"Do you think talking to him could make it better?" she asks, taking a cautious sip of her drink, her eyes searching yours for a hint of clarity.
You manage a smile and finally meet her gaze. "I donât even want to think about talking to him."
"Yn," Rosie whines, leaning in slightly. "You need to. Not for him, but for you."
You sigh again, feeling the weight of her words. "Itâs just really hard to do." You stare off into the distance, lost in thought about what you really want to do.
What is right?
"Do you think you still have feelings for him?" she treads lightly, gauging your reaction.
"I donât know," you admit, your voice barely above a whisper. "Seeing him has definitely made me think a lot, but that doesnât change anything. I donât even know if heâs changed as a person."
"If he has, would you get back with him?" She raises a brow, fully focused on you now, her curiosity piqued.
You throw her an undecided look, your brow furrowing in confusion.
A smile grows on her face. "You would, wouldnât you?" she laughs, and you shake your head, letting out a nervous laugh of your own.
You're blushing, and it feels like a betrayal to your own feelings.
"I never said that," you protest, trying to sound firm but failing to hide the uncertainty in your voice.
"Itâs not about what you said; itâs about what youâve shown," she counters, her tone teasing yet insightful.
With a shrug and a heavy silence, the conversation hangs in the air. Youâve been asking yourself that same question too, and honestly, you arenât sure of the answer. You just donât want to think about it at all.
"I'd love to, Tae, thank you," you reply, your voice a little shaky. Taehyung called you unexpectedly, and when you saw his name flash on your screen, a wave of anxiety washed over you. Part of you feared he was calling to ask about what happened between you and Jungkook, and you honestly wouldnât know where to begin if that were the case. So, youâre relieved when he doesnât bring it up.
"When?" you ask, trying to sound casual, but your heart races. You never thought he was serious about the dinner plans he made, let alone that he would actually remember them. But he did, and once he got the chance, he made sure to reserve a table for four and call you over. He didnât mention the reservation for four part, though; he probably thought it would be better to let you find out when you arrived, so you wouldnât run away.
"Will Sunday be good for you?" he asks, his voice sounding professional, which makes you assume heâs at work. Itâs Wednesday, so that makes sense.
"Yeah, sounds perfect," you agree, feeling a mix of excitement and anxiety bubbling in your stomach. Itâs just you, Taehyung, and his wifeâthereâs really nothing to be anxious about, right?
As Sunday approaches, you find yourself in a bit of a panic. Itâs one of those fancy restaurants, and the exceptional service is only proof of how upscale it is. You struggle to find something decent to wear, your nerves making it hard to focus. After a good search in Rosieâs closet, you finally find the perfect dress. Perfect for who? You, of course.
Rosie is a little skeptical about you going to dinner with Taehyung, but you explain that heâs still a good friend and you wouldnât want to decline the offer because that would offend him. Plus, itâs not like you donât want to be there; you donât mind. After all, itâs Jungkook whoâs the problem, not Taehyung.
She reluctantly accepts your reasoning, but along with her questions, she expresses her concern that Jungkook might be there. Thatâs a point of contention. You swear to her that Jungkook wouldnât be there, and she swears that he would. You donât want to acknowledge the idea, but the fear of the possibility still lingers. If Jungkook was going to be there, Taehyung would have mentioned it, right?
As you walk into the restaurant, the server gestures for you to hand him your jacket, and you do so, your hands trembling slightly. He then directs you to the table where youâll be seated once you tell him the name the reservation is under.
You walk through the room, your long, form-fitting dress hugging your curves. The rich red color complements your skin beautifully, and you canât help but feel a little more confident. You really like this dress and doubt youâll be giving it back. The thin straps rest delicately on your shoulders, and the straight neckline keeps your chest modest yet elegant. You hope youâre not over or underdressed.
When you finally spot Taehyung, he nods over to you, and you let out a sigh of relief, realizing youâre neither under nor overdressed. His wife is wearing a cream satin dress, but you canât determine the length since sheâs seated and hidden by the table. Taehyung has a warm smile on his face, dressed in a white button-up with the sleeves rolled up, looking effortlessly charming. You walk toward them with a smile and a little excitement bubbling inside you.
Thatâs until Taehyung turns to talk to someone else. His wife is sitting on his other side, so if itâs not her heâs talking to, thenâŠ
Your body freezes for a second, and you contemplate turning around right now. The door isnât so far away; you could make a run for it. You can feel your joints go rigid, but somehow, you find your way back to your chair. You let out a sigh as you take your seat, trying to shake off the tension. Jungkook had wanted to pull your chair out for you, but you brushed him off, and he was polite enough to accept your refusal.
You try to contain the rapid beating of your heart, which is now racing because of the unexpected presence of the man sitting next to you. Straightening your back and rubbing your palms together, you attempt to maintain the light and warm ambiance at the table. The last thing you want is for Jungkookâs presence to affect how you present yourself tonight.
Turning to greet Taehyungâs wife, Jian, you feel a flicker of relief since sheâs the only one at the table youâre not annoyed with. Taehyung really brought you here knowing Jungkook would be here too. Was he in on it, or did he come here unaware of your presence? Are you both being set up right now? Is this some sort of intervention? Youâre aware of how much Taehyung likes you and Jungkook together, and while you appreciate his concern, some things are just meant to be forgotten, buried.
âHow are you?â you ask Jian, trying to sound cheerful despite the turmoil inside you. She greets you back with the same enthusiasm.
âYou look so beautiful! Howâs the baby?â You couldnât help but ask; something about the doctor in you wanted to know.
âPerfect. My momâs been a huge help,â she replies, her bright smile lighting up her face as she gracefully brushes her long, straight hair out of her eyes.
âThatâs lovely,â you say, genuinely pleased for her.
âYou look gorgeous too,â she compliments, and you canât help but feel your cheeks heat up, a blush creeping in.
âI try,â you respond, attempting to stay modest. You donât think youâre all that, but you do make an effort from time to time. Jungkook, on the other hand, would disagree; he thinks (knows) you look good in whatever you choose to wear, even when you donât try. However, heâs not going to argue that you look stunning tonight. He could barely keep his eyes off you as you walked to the table. You couldnât see him, but he could see you, and you looked great. He wanted to die, but Taehyung had to remind him to pull himself together.
It was then that your body shifted from fluid to solid. You had noticed him, and you didnât seem happy at all. Jungkook felt a pang in his chest when you stopped him from pulling your chair out for you. Heâs not going to blame you for it, though.
âItâs nice to see you out of your scrubs,â Taehyung says, and you canât help but lower your eyes at him. He notices your glare and understands the reason for it. The little smirk he gives you makes you want to smack him right across the face. He knows exactly what heâs doing.
You chuckle, but itâs bitter.
âIâm sorry if I kept you all waiting,â you apologize, playing with your fingers as they rest in your lap. They hadnât ordered yet, probably waiting for you, and your overthinking takes over, soon turning into guilt. You did try your best to get here on time, and you did, but you still say it anyway. Maybe itâs your internal tactic to lessen your nerves.
âNo, you didnât. Jungkook just came before you,â Taehyung says, clearly eager to push the agenda.
When he remembered he wanted to make plans for dinner, he told Jungkook and planned on bringing him too so they could talk. But right now, Jungkook looks like heâs going to lose his head, his eyes glued to the menu like a child.
âMm,â is all you can manage as the awkwardness begins to grow, thickening the air around you. You can feel Jungkookâs presence beside you, and itâs both comforting and unsettling. You steal a glance at him, and heâs still focused on the menu, but you can sense the tension radiating off him.
The conversation around the table continues, but you find it hard to engage. Your mind is racing, and you canât shake the feeling that this dinner is about to take a turn youâre not prepared for. You take a sip of your drink, hoping it will calm your nerves, but it only amplifies the fluttering in your stomach.
"She's such a good and peaceful baby, honestly," Jian exclaims with joy, and you canât help but smile at how happy she is to talk about her little one. Taehyung stares at her, completely enamored with everything about her.
"I think she takes that from Jian," he adds, and laughter fills the air as everyone agrees. Between the couple, Jian is definitely the more relaxed and laid-back one. Itâs funny how in your relationship with Jungkook, it had been the opposite. He was the laid-back one while you were the more outgoing, which is one of the reasons you got along so well with Taehyung. But for some reason, in this situation where youâd normally be talkative and engaged, you feel off and out of it. Jungkook notices your silence and curses himself for even coming; he feels like heâs ruined your night. He should have just left. Or not come at all.
You all order your food, each of you choosing what you want. Youâre not entirely sure about some of the items on the menu, but the only person you could ask is the one youâre trying to avoid speaking to. So, you go for something you think will go best with how youâre feeling tonight.
Soon, the food arrives, one by one. Jungkook watches as your plate is placed in front of you. Itâs not because he envies the mealâthough it does look goodâbut because of the yellow garnishes on top that you hadnât noticed. Just before the plate touches the table, Jungkook intercepts. âThese have pineapples on them?â he asks the waiter, his tone serious.
âYes, sir, itâs used for garnishing,â the waiter replies, and you watch as Jungkook investigates the young man, his face stern and his tone confident.
âPlease bring her one without pineapples; sheâs allergic,â he insists, and thatâs all you can think about. Your heart flutters at how he remembers something about you, or maybe itâs just the effect of being close to pineapples.
How could he forget? Just because you arenât together doesnât mean heâs going to forget everything about you. How could he forget the little things about you that kept him up all night?
âYouâre still allergic, right?â he asks, and you nod, finally acknowledging his presence for the first time during the night. You hadnât realized that the meal you ordered was garnished with fancy-cut pineapples that you never would have noticed. You appreciate that he remembered and was able to spot it; otherwise, the night would have been even worse.
The way he stares at you, worry coating his eyes, makes you want to melt. Youâve just realized how much you missed this part of Jungkookâthe one who would lead and speak out for you, the one who got you through those high school days.
âSure, Iâll be right back,â the waiter says, bowing slightly before walking away with your plate.
Before your eyes move to your lap, they land on Jungkook, whoâs staring right into them and welcoming them with a smile. You quickly look away, clearing your throat, feeling a rush of heat flood your cheeks.
Fuck, does he want to make this harder for you? Why is this so much more difficult than it should be? Your heart hasnât stopped racing since you saw him, and you wish you could just pull it out and burn it. Why the hell is it beating so fast around him?
âThat wouldâve been bad,â you awkwardly chuckle, and Jungkook hums, feeling warmth engulf him. Itâs a warmth mixed with a little confidenceâthe confidence to talk to you. Though he doesnât show it, Jungkook is no better. He can feel his collared shirt grow tighter, even with one button undone. Itâs as if heâs not comfortable in his own skin and just wants to rip out of it and beg you to talk to him. Itâs tiring to just play it cool.
You wait for your food, and as you do, you notice that Jungkook hasnât touched his. Heâs simply looking around, not doing a very good job of it.
You want to lecture him, tell him to just eatâthatâs what youâd do if you were still together. But youâre not, and the thought makes your heart go rigid. Why is it that the thought of not being with Jungkook is the only thing that stops your beating heart?
You feel bad. Maybe youâre being too difficult, and youâre a little harsh with him. Are you being too harsh? Or just looking out for yourself? Even through that, it doesnât stop you from ignoring him. Even if you wanted to talk to him, what would you say?
The silence stretches between you, thick and heavy, and you can feel the weight of unspoken words hanging in the air. You glance at Jungkook again, and for a moment, your eyes meet. Thereâs a flicker of something in his gazeâan unspoken question, a longing, perhaps. It makes your heart race even faster, and you quickly look away, focusing on the tablecloth instead. The intricate patterns seem to swirl and dance, a distraction from the tension thatâs building between you.
The waiter returns with your new plate, setting it down gently in front of you. âHere you go, one without pineapples,â he says, and you offer him a grateful smile. Jungkook watches as you pick up your fork, and you can feel his eyes on you, a weight that both comforts and unnerves you.
âThank you,â you say softly, and for a moment, you think you see a hint of relief in Jungkookâs expression. Itâs fleeting, but itâs there, and it makes you wonder if heâs been holding his breath this whole time.
âSo Jungkook won his case,â Taehyung says after a moment, clearing the air for a new topic. Itâs something you donât want to think about, but you canât help but feel a flicker of pride for him.
âThatâs nice,â Jian replies, and you nod in agreement. Youâre genuinely glad he won. Itâs nice that at least heâs helping other people, even if it doesnât fix your own relationship.
âAnd I heard a special someone had something to do with it,â Taehyung adds cheekily, his gaze shifting to you. You roll your eyes with a light chuckle, feeling a mix of embarrassment and amusement. Heâs really going hard at it.
âTae, shut up,â Jungkook snaps, his cheeks flushing slightly. âMaybe if I throw a stick, heâd leave,â he whispers, and you canât help but laugh at that. Jungkook lifts his eyes to you, listening to the sound of your melodious chuckle that he never realized he missed. Seeing you laugh at his joke gives him a little more confidence about all of this, a glimmer of hope.
âIt was fine being in court for something other thanââ you start, but then you cut off your statement, not finding it appropriate to finish. Thankfully, no one decides to question you on it, and youâre relieved. Jungkook knows you well, and having been there, he understands what the end of that sentence would sound like.
âBut at the end, it got really suffocating,â you smirk, knowing only Jungkook would get it. He shifts in his seat, moving a little closer to you, and you can feel the warmth radiating from him.
âIâm sorry about that again,â he says, his eyes focused on you, but you canât bring yourself to meet his gaze. Instead, you use your peripheral vision to watch his features soften as he speaks.
âLawyers are heartless,â you say in a light-hearted tone, the words feeling directed at Jungkook, but heâll never know that.
You all laugh, the sound filling the space between you, but it feels different nowâcharged with unspoken words and lingering emotions.
âNot our Kookie, though,â Taehyung chimes in, grinning. âVery un-heartless.â
You chuckle, but thereâs a weight to your words. âYeah, very.â You finally turn your eyes to meet Jungkookâs, and in that moment, your words feel empty, but your eyes arenât. They hold a depth of feeling that you canât quite articulate, a mixture of nostalgia, longing, and something elseâsomething youâre not ready to name.
Jungkookâs expression shifts as he holds your gaze, and for a heartbeat, the world around you fades away. Itâs just the two of you, caught in a moment that feels both familiar and foreign. You can see the flicker of emotions in his eyes, and it makes your heart race.
After some time, Jungkook just decides to say fuck it. He can talk to a large crowd, but with you, he feels paralyzed. Youâre just one personâone person with his heart on the line. He knows he has to say something to you, and he just hopes youâre open to talking.
Do you even feel anything? Are you feeling the way he is? Does he have an effect on you like you have on him? Because if you donât, then heâs going to feel like a fool. He just hopes you feel the same way. In high school, you were the one worried if he felt the same, but now itâs him.
After all, you could have moved on. You could be better and not need him. But unlike the image of you he has in his mind, heâs not okay. Not okay with this distance. He hates it.
âHow are you enjoying your food?â he asks, turning to you while Taehyung and Jian talk about whatever.
âGood, itâs nice to come out once in a while,â you reply. Itâs not a one-word answer, and heâll take it. Is it his imagination, or do you seem interested in talking to him?
âHow often are you busy?â he gulps, âwith work, of course.â He sounds stupid and nervous, but you find it cute. Why do you find it cute? Itâs really hard not to feel this way about someone you already know so well.
âEnough to make me want to pluck my eyes out,â you laugh, and he smiles. Even though you donât make eye contact with him, he can feel you warming up to him. âBut recently, work has been light,â you add, talking to him like you would when he asked you about your classes in high school.
âYou like it?â he asks, hoping itâs not weird, but he canât take his eyes off you. He just canât.
âI do,â you reply, and he feels his heart thaw like frozen meat.
âTâthatâs good,â he stammers, taking a bite of his food to stop the smile that threatens to spread across his face.
All of this is nice, but you canât help but feel overwhelmed. You feel confused. Is he just talking to you because youâre the only one he has to talk to, or is he actually interested? Itâs like being promised something only for the promise to be broken. You donât want to get your hopes up. Not again.
âPlease, excuse me,â you say, your head held down as you stand up from the table.
âSure,â he replies, but soon grows worried. He brushes it off, telling himself heâs overthinking it. Itâs going well; youâre talking to him, and thatâs what matters. Baby steps.
You leave for the bathroom, needing some air that isnât filled with Jungkookâs scent, which is now engraved in your sinuses and will probably haunt you. While in the bathroom, you pull out your phone and text Jimin, asking if youâre still on for later. You had made plans with him, and you did want to go, but now that youâre staring at the text, you wonder if what youâre doing is right.
Itâs not like you and Jungkook are getting back together, and whatever this is between you two feels complicated. It just feels wrong. Maybe you should just cancel. Jiminâs a good guy, though, and he doesnât deserve this. Itâs better for him to find someone whoâs sure and knows what she wantsânot you, sitting in the bathroom contemplating where you and your ex stand.
âStop being so awkward, man,â Taehyung says, playfully pulling at Jungkookâs leg under the table.
âIâm trying,â Jungkook whines, his frustration evident. âItâs hard.â
âYou can talk up a whole court, but you canât with Y/N?â Taehyung teases, raising an eyebrow.
âPlus, itâs not that hard,â Jian chimes in, pulling Jungkookâs attention away from his spiraling thoughts. She should be the only one he takes advice from, he thinks. âJust show up and put in effort in the conversation, and sheâll warm up to you.â
âSee how she warmed up to you when you asked about her work?â Taehyung adds, and Jungkook starts to get it. âAll Y/N wants is for you to show up and be there to listen and care.â Taehyung feels like a relationship counsellor right now; he should get paid for this. If their relationship works out, Jungkook should definitely pay him.
Jian places a hand on Taehyungâs shoulder to shut him up, a knowing smile on her face. âBut donât forget to be the guy she fell in love with,â she adds, her tone serious yet encouraging.
Jungkook sighs, feeling the weight of their words. He knows he needs to be himself, the version of him that made you smile, the one who could make you laugh until your sides hurt. But the fear of messing things up again looms over him like a dark cloud.
âI think Iâll get that one,â you say, pointing at the dish youâve chosen.
âAlright,â the waiter notes it down, his pen scratching against the notepad.
Jungkook leans in closer, a playful glint in his eyes. âThey have banana pudding on the menu,â he whispers, knowing how much you love it.
âReally?â Your face lights up with excitement as you turn to the waiter. âHow good is your banana pudding?â
âThe best,â he boasts with a confident grin.
âThen Iâll have that instead,â you say, your smile widening as you place your order.
Once the waiter walks away, you glance back at Jungkook, who has been momentarily distracted by the pianist playing softly in the corner. But as soon as he feels your gaze on him, his eyes shift to meet yours. The moment feels electric, and you find yourself wanting to look away, but you hold your ground, challenging yourself to stay connected.
Jungkook watches you softly, waiting for you to speak. âYou remember how much I like banana pudding?â you ask, your voice light and teasing. It feels a bit childish, and you want to slap yourself for it, but Jungkook seems to be enjoying this playful banter.
âOf course,â he replies, his familiar bunny smile spreading across his face. âRemember that time you almost killed me for eating the last one?â
You burst into laughter, the memory flooding back. âYou shouldâve known better,â you say, shaking your head in mock disapproval.
âI shouldâve,â he admits, chuckling along with you.
Taehyung, sitting across the table, canât help but feel giddy as he watches the two of you smile at each other. Itâs like a scene from a romantic movie, and heâs here for it. The atmosphere around the table feels lighter, filled with warmth and nostalgia.
âY/N, how did you travel?â Jian asks, reminding you that the night has to come to an end.
âUber,â you reply, a hint of reluctance in your voice.
âSo youâre going back with an Uber?â she clarifies, raising an eyebrow.
âYeah,â you say, because what other options do you have?
Taehyung turns to look at Jungkook, who seems as lost as ever. âMaybe Jungkook can drop you off,â he suggests, a hopeful tone in his voice.
Why hadnât you thought of that? You smile sheepishly at the idea, but it makes you sweat a little. âNo, Iâm good. Donât want to burden you,â you say, trying to brush it off.
âYouâre not a burden,â Jungkook says immediately, his voice firm as he hears you call yourself that. Youâd never be a burden to him. âPlus, itâs late, and Ubers arenât all that safe. Let me drive you home.â
You want to say, âHow sure are you that youâll be safe with him?â but it would just sound stupid. Jungkook has never once made you feel unsafe. In fact, the thought of being alone with him feels comforting. Itâd be a good chance to save some moneyâor more like have more time with Jungkook. âOkay, sure,â you say, not wanting to argue.
âMy carâs over there,â Jungkook points to the opposite side of the parking lot, and you realize you should probably say your goodbyes now.
âIt was nice seeing you, Y/N,â Jian says as she pulls you into a hug. She hopes you and Jungkook get back together so that she can spend more time with you.
âNice to see you too,â you hug her back. âSay hi to the baby for me.â
âIf sheâll understand,â Jian laughs.
âIâm sure Taehyung will communicate,â you throw Taehyung a side-eye, and he narrows his eyes back at you, feigning offense.
He hugs you tightly. âThanks for coming,â he says, and the embrace gives you flashbacks of the time he hugged you at the hospital.
You pat his back. âNo problem. I enjoyed it.â
âIâll call you; please donât avoid me,â he says, his voice earnest.
You raise your hands in defense. âI never do.â But as you think about it, would you ignore him if he called? It would be weird, right? Especially not knowing where you and Jungkook are going. If you and Jungkook donât work out (you canât believe youâre even thinking about it), does that mean you wouldnât have to talk to Taehyung or Jian again?
âGoodnight, bro,â Taehyung says to Jungkook.
âGoodnight,â Jungkook replies.
âTake her straight home, okay?â Taehyung lifts a warning finger to Jungkook, and you and he scoff.
âTaehyung, letâs go,â Jian says, pulling him away, and you all laugh. If Taehyung hadnât pushed Jungkook, would he even be in this position? A position of opportunity to make up for everything or at least show you that heâs trying.
Once the goodbyes are over, you walk to Jungkookâs car, and you canât help but bulge your eyes at how beautiful it is. He opens the door for you. âThank you,â you say politely. Just when you think heâs about to close the door, he leans in.
âIâm sorry, can I take a call?â he asks, and the height difference, along with the way he looks down at you, makes you want to melt into a puddle.
âDonât let me stop you,â you manage to say, trying to keep up with your racing mind.
You watch him walk in front of the car and further away. You canât help but wonder who could be on the other end. Work? Taehyung? Or maybe a girlfriend? You never did find out if heâs single or if heâs been out. Youâre sure he has. Itâs not like you werenât. But you feel the same type of incompletion when you spend time with other people.
The thought of him talking to some girlfriend right now sends a swarm of moths fluttering in your stomach. You wonât ask; itâs none of your business.
No matter how much your mind wanders, you canât deny that youâre ogling how huge Jungkook has gotten. His shoulders, his muscles, which his shirt does a bad job of hiding. Heâs built like he eats, sleeps, and drinks the gym. And damn, youâre getting flustered just by looking at him.
Watching how he talks on the phone, how he places his tattooed hand into his pocket, makes him look so incredibly hot. Wait, tattoos? How did you miss them? You squint to get a closer look. He actually does have them, and they make him even more attractive.
Whatâs wrong with you? Get it together. Youâre literally drooling. When you laugh at yourself, it must have been loud because Jungkook turns to look at you. You smile, trying to prove to him that youâre okay, and he smiles back. Why do you feel so giddy? Itâs just a smile.
You allow him to finish his call, which doesnât last long. He walks back to the car, sliding into the driverâs seat, his thighs constricting against the material of his pants.
âYou ready to go?â he asks, his voice low and casual, but you can feel the tension in the air.
âYeah,â you reply, your throat suddenly dry.
He starts the car, and the engineâs purr matches the rhythm of your racing heart. As you drive through the city, the night lights paint your face in a soft glow, and you take a moment to admire the view outside the window. The city feels alive, vibrant, and you canât help but feel a sense of nostalgia wash over you.
Jungkook glances over at you, his gaze lingering a moment longer than necessary. âYou look great tonight,â he says, almost too quietly, but you catch it. His fingers drum against the steering wheel, a nervous habit youâve come to recognize.
âThanks,â you say, feeling your cheeks heat up, but the red light from the traffic stop hides it well.
âYou still have that necklace?â he asks, his eyes flicking to the dainty silver chain around your neck.
âYeah, itâs nice,â you reply, instinctively holding onto it a little longer. He had gotten it for you during your honeymoon phase, but you stopped wearing it when your relationship got rocky. You hadnât even realized you put it on for tonight.
âI enjoyed seeing you tonight,â he says, his heart pounding as he takes a chance. He did enjoy being in your presence, but did you feel the same? He canât help but question where you stand. Do you want what he does? But he canât ask.
Your focus drifts back to the window as you enjoy the ambiance of his car. How many women has he had in here? Were they just as at peace as you are right now? You donât like to bother yourself with the thought, but your brain and heart are in tandem, and they wonât let it go.
The thought of him being with someone else ignites a flicker of jealousy within you. You breathe in and out, trying to calm yourself. You canât be upset; itâs not your place. Youâve never considered yourself a jealous person. You were always sure of Jungkookâs love for you, and so was he. So there wasnât much to be jealous of. But once your marriage and relationship began to falter, you doubted everythingâthe kisses, the touches, the time spent together, the âI love youâs. It all became foggy, the memories a blur.
And it wasnât because they werenât there or that you didnât still feel deeply for him, but because there was no one to assure you they actually existed. Were you lying to yourself about Jungkookâs love? Was he lying to you?
Why would he marry you then?
You had no anchor to keep you there, only questionsâquestions that would never be answered at the time and questions youâd never bring yourself to ask now.
âWe donât have to talk, you know,â you say, the sentence coming out in a whisper, laced with fear, not anger. Fear that if you talk, you might end up saying more than you want to.
So, he just drives. The silence and tension consume you like fire. Not even Jiminâs text asking when he can pick you up can bring you any joy that it would have if Jungkook never existed. But he does; he exists so vividly, like a looming cloud carrying the sign of a stormâa storm thatâs about to consume all the walls youâve been building for the past four years.
Jimin: When can I pick you up?
Jungkook sees you stare at your phone like youâre about to throw it out the window. He wants to ask who youâre talking to thatâs got your face in a knot, but he chooses to keep his eyes on the road this time. He can only imagine whoâs texting you at this hour. Jimin? He grips the wheel tighter.
Y/N: Donât.
Jimin: ???
Y/N: Donât come.
Y/N: Youâre a great guy, Jimin. And Iâm sure youâll be able to find someone whoâs in a more stable place for you. But itâs not me. Iâm really sorry. I enjoyed my time with you, but I just have a lot going on.
Jimin: An ex?
You pause and glance at Jungkook, who has one hand on the wheel and the other resting on the window sill. He doesnât turn back to look at you.
You: I guess so.
Not really, more like just yourself.
You: Iâm really sorry I got you into this. Youâre a good guy.
Jimin: Youâre good too. Thanks for not leading me on.
Jimin: Wish you the best.
You feel sick. You and Jimin hadnât gone far, barely held hands . But he was hoping for more, and you feel terrible for it. You liked him; he was definitely someone youâd go for if, well⊠if the man driving you home right now wasnât so much on your mind.
You: You too.
The temperature in the car shifts drastically. One moment, youâre comfortable in the warmth of the moment, and the next, you feel a chill creeping in, as if the universe is reminding you that this night is coming to an end. Just a little longer, you think. You want to hold onto this feeling, this connection, but you know itâs fleeting.
âThanks for driving,â you say as you pull into your apartment complex, trying to break the silence that feels heavier than before.
âNot a problem,â Jungkook replies, his voice steady, but you can sense the tension beneath it. The night is over, right? Itâs over. When you leave now, youâll never see him again. Good. Itâs good, right?
But itâs not over for him. As you walk toward your building, you turn to find him following closely behind you.
âWhere are you going?â you ask, half-expecting him to say he has a girlfriend living in the same building that he wants to visit, and thatâs the only reason he even drove you here. Your mind races with insecurities.
âWalking you up to your apartment,â he says, his tone firm yet gentle. He looks nervous, and you can see it in the way he fidgets with his hands.
âIâll be fine,â you insist, pulling your coat closer to your body as you watch him stand there, not budging.
Just as you have a stare-down, the bush to your far left stirs. Someone stumbles out, clearly intoxicated, struggling to stand. The universe must not be on your side. The neighborhood doesnât have drunkards roaming around much, or ever. But tonight, it seems, must be your lucky day.
You turn to Jungkook, and he gives you a look that tells you heâs not backing down.
âFor my peace of mind?â he asks, his voice softening, and it almost makes you want to give in.
âFine,â you relent, feeling a mix of annoyance and gratitude.
With the same tension and silence, you both step into the elevator to your place. As the numbers light up, Jungkook speaks, âThis is a nice place.â He genuinely seems to admire it, and you can tell heâs trying to make conversation. Itâs good to know youâre in a safe place.
The elevator dings, and the doors slide open. You step out, and Jungkook follows closely behind. The hallway feels long, and the silence stretches between you, thick with unspoken words.
You tap in your code and step into your warm space, the familiar scent of home wrapping around you like a comforting blanket. Still standing by the door is Jungkook, and still holding the door open is you. Is this what you two have become? Cowards. Liars. Pretenders?
âUm, I guess this is goodnight,â you say, your eyes glued to the hinges, avoiding the weight of his gaze. How long are you going to hold on?
âI guess so,â he replies, his voice distant as he stares into your home absentmindedly. You can feel the tension thickening the air between you, and itâs suffocating. Jungkook knows he wonât get another chance to see you again if he leaves without saying anything. Thereâs only so far the universe can go for him.
âCan I talk to you, though?â he asks, his voice softer now, almost pleading.
You sigh, feeling the familiar frustration bubbling up. âNot this again, Jungkook.â Isnât this what you want, though? For him to talk, to communicate? What are you fighting?
âItâs alright that your friend grilled me in court; you donât have to apologize,â you add, trying to keep your tone steady.
âItâs not fine,â he insists, his eyes narrowing slightly, determination flickering in his gaze. âHe shouldnât have. He was just trying to poke at me, and itâs not fair that you had to be in the middle.â
You donât speak, mainly because you want to see how far this will go and how much he has to say. You can feel the weight of his words hanging in the air, and youâre not sure if you want to catch them or let them fall.
âI know Iâve been a shithouse of a guy to you, especially in the past,â he continues, his voice cracking slightly. âBut Iâve changed, Y/N, and I hope you can see that.â
Do you? Do you see how his walls break down to welcome you? He could get on his knees to show you, and the thought sends a shiver down your spine. He holds onto your door for stability, as if itâs the only thing keeping him grounded.
âJungkookâŠâ you start, but the words get caught in your throat. You want to believe him, to see the change he claims to have made, but the scars of the past are still fresh in your mind.
âJust hear me out,â he urges, his voice low and earnest. âI know I messed up. I know I hurt you, and I canât take that back. But I want to try. I want to be better for you, for us. I miss you, Y/N. I miss us.â
"A lot of things should have been done differently by me in our relationship and i acknowledge that." When he finishes his sentences, he looks at you. Heâs eyes are filled with anger but not to you, to the memory of that day and all the guilt he feels.
"Thank you." You donât know what more to say, itâs not your turn to talk. So, you just hold your arms to your body.
"It's what I shouldâve done, its what I always should've done." He bows his head. He gives up on holding back. Heâs tired, and itâs fucked for him to hide from his solace.
Sniffle.
If itâs not you he can cry to, then who?
"Jungkook,-" your heart sinks when you hear him sniffle. Heâs crying. You can be distant all you want but you canât take seeing him cry.
You close the space between you and cup his cheek. Youâre tired of fighting too.
He leans into your touch and slowly wraps his hand around your wrist, praying you keep it right there.
His wide eyes stare down at you filled with tears that threaten to fall.
"I'm sorry yn. I'm really sorry and I wish I could go back in time and Change things and be better for you, for us." They fall, yours too.
"I wasn't good and I understand why you did what you did.â He doesnât even want to call by name. âIt was me, I was the selfish one and I regret it." he pulls your hand to bring it to his lips and place a kiss on your pulse. "I regret it so fucking bad yn"
"come here.â you pull him inside and shut the door.
âI was so was stupid. And I feel shitty for even trying to justify it but I was stupid. And a dick." He kisses your wrist as you use your other hand to push back the hair that sticks to his tear stained face.
"We were both stupid." You wonât say you didnât have your bad moments.
"Not you. You were always right and I wish I listened to you and maybe we'd be in a better position."
He closes into you, bringing your foreheads together. Instincts. You just have to do what feels natural.
"Maybe"
âDefinitely,â he whispers, brushing his nose against yours, and your mouth parts instinctively. âIâm really sorry, bunny. I really am.â
The nickname he used when you were together hangs in the air, a bittersweet reminder of what once was. It used to make your heart race, but now it feels like a ghost of a feeling you canât quite grasp anymore.
your mind has no clue where to place its home.
You breathe in the warmth of each otherâs presence, lips hovering just a breath apart, the tension palpable. He gently pulls your wrist behind you, guiding your arm to wrap around his neck, while his hand finds its place on your waist. Your palm rests against his heart, feeling its frantic rhythm, a silent plea for connection. Youâre wrinkling his shirt, but itâs the last thing on his mind.
His gaze is locked onto your lips, a silent yearning begging to be fulfilled. Whatâs stopping him? Is this what you want? Do you want him back like he wants you? The questions swirl in your mind, a tempest of doubt and desire. Have you thought about him every single day since you last saw each other? Noâsince the day you divorced. Did you ever truly stop thinking about the moments you shared? The late-night kisses, the laughter, the way you both craved each otherâs presence like air.
His lower lip brushes against yours, and a shiver runs down your spine, igniting a flicker of longing deep within you. âI want to kiss you so bad,â he pleads, his voice thick with emotion. âCan I kiss you?â
A nod is all you can produce. You want to, youâre pulled to.
And so, he does. The moment your lips meet, itâs like a wave of relief crashing over you. Heâs your relief, your solace in a world that feels chaotic and uncertain. As your lips intertwine, you wish for nothing more than to stay in this moment forever, to linger in the warmth of his embrace.
You taste exactly as he remembersâlike peace, if peace had a flavor. Sweet and intoxicating, he doesnât want to part from you. He deepens the kiss, pulling you even closer by your waist, and your hand crumples his shirt tighter, as if anchoring yourself to him.
God, you missed this. You missed him. A tear rolls down your cheek, a mix of joy and sorrow, a release of all the pent-up emotions youâve been holding back.
But then, as if the universe is cruelly reminding you of reality, he pulls away. for a kiss that was supposed to give you an answer it brings more doubt.
The air thick with unspoken words.
âI missed you so much."
You would say you have been the confused type. From what your university major should be to who you want to be, youâve never known. The path ahead has always felt murky, a winding road with no clear destination. But one thing you did know was that you wanted to be with Jungkook.
That's what younger you wanted anyway.
The dreams you spun in your mind were filled with laughter, love, and the warmth of his embrace. But now, as you sit here, grappling with the weight of adulthood, you find yourself asking what the adult version of you truly wants.
Amidst all the turmoil, what you really desire is to be happyâto be set free from the guilt of your previous choices. You want to shed the layers of regret that have built up over the years, the âwhat ifsâ that haunt your thoughts like shadows.
Younger you always thought Jungkook would be the one to give you that happiness. You really wanted him to be that. The thought of his smile, the way he made you feel alive, filled you with hope. But now, as you reflect on everything that has transpired, youâd be lying to yourself if you said the thought of being with him again didnât scare you.
The fear is palpable, a tight knot in your stomach. What if you opened your heart to him again, only to find that the past still lingers, that the wounds havenât healed? What if the love you once shared has transformed into something unrecognizable? The idea of vulnerability feels daunting, and the stakes seem higher now than they ever were before.
You think about the late-night conversations, the dreams you shared, and the way he used to look at you as if you were the only person in the world. But you also remember the pain, the misunderstandings, and the way everything fell apart. Itâs a delicate balance, and youâre not sure if youâre ready to tip the scales in either direction.
As you sit in the quiet of your thoughts, you realize that the journey to happiness isnât just about finding the right person; itâs about finding yourself first. You need to understand what you truly want, independent of anyone else. Can you be happy on your own? Can you forgive yourself for the choices youâve made?
Maybe all you need is to forgive yourslef and him.
The questions swirl in your mind, and you know that the answers wonât come easily. But one thing is clear: you owe it to yourself to face the truth.
Maybe itâs time to take a step back and reflect on what you need, not just what you want. You need to find your own happiness, to reclaim your identity outside of Jungkook and the love you once shared.
And yet, as you think about him, a flicker of hope ignites within you. Perhaps thereâs a way to navigate this complicated landscape, to find a balance between your past and your present. Maybe, just maybe, you can rediscover the love you once had, but this time with a clearer understanding of who you are and what you truly want. But the hope is only a maere flicker of light. not enough to brighten the darkenss you've been swallowed into.
âi donât think can.â You cry on Rosieâs lap as she pets your hair. She just listens.
âAnd you donât have to.â
You sob.
âwhy did he have to come back.â Youâve been this confused in a while. During the years you were sure you hated jungkook. But now you realize you were just sad. Why did he have to come back into your life and why did he have to kiss you.
âyou donât have to get back with him.â She repeats.
â I know. But why do i want to but not want to again.â
âitâs because youâre just a little hopeful.â You are arenât you? âis that so bad.â
Rosie shakes her head when your teary eyes look up at her. ânope. He was the love of your life. Your freaking first one.â
âBut itâs time to grow up.â
Even if you did work it out, how the hell would you marry him again. Would you even get as far as to marrying again. You'd hate to get back together only to fail again.
How would you face his parents. And what if they still hate you. How would you go on.
It really is time to grow up.
âThanks for coming.â You smile, a fragile mask hiding the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside you.
âHonestly, I never expected you to reach out.â The words slip out, and he realizes he's speaking a truth he didnât anticipate.
You had planned to ghost him, to slip away quietly into the night. But after confiding in Rosie, she urged you to confront the past, to seek closure instead of running away. You'd be missing the point if you did ghost him.
âJust need to get some stuff off my chest.â You chuckle awkwardly, the sound feeling foreign in the tense air.
Jungkookâs eyes widen, a flicker of apprehension crossing his face as he senses the weight of the conversation ahead.
Before you can gather your thoughts, he cuts in, âI just want to apologize for kissing you that night.â
You shake your head, a strange mix of nostalgia and discomfort washing over you. Why does the memory of that moment feel so complicated now? âYou donât have to. I wanted it too.â The admission feels like a betrayal to the resolve youâve built, but the truth is hard to suppress. âUm, I just wanted to clear something up about that too.â
âI feel like I told you something I shouldnât have that night.â His brow furrows in confusion, and you can see the gears turning in his mind. âI wonât lie; I did miss the feeling, but it also felt like a lie.â
He taps his fingers nervously on his thigh, the rhythm echoing the tension in the air.
âWhat do you mean?â he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.
âI mean, thereâs nothing here.â You gesture between the two of you, the space feeling like a chasm that canât be bridged. âI appreciate your apology, but it doesnât change much.â
You avoid his gaze, but his eyes remain locked on yours, burning with an intensity that makes it hard to breathe.
âIâm still hurt, honestly.â When your eyes finally meet his, the vulnerability in your voice reveals the depth of your pain. If he could hold you, you know he would, but the distance between you feels insurmountable. âAnd weâd be lying to each other if we said things could be fixed just like that.â
It feels like a death sentence, and youâre the judge, laying bare the charges against your shared history.
He sighs, the weight of your words settling heavily on his shoulders. âI understand.â He does, but the understanding comes with a hurt that crashes down on him like bricks.
âBecause at the end of the day, Iâd have to meet your parents again, and Iâm sure they wouldnât love me overnight.â Your chuckle is sweet but bitter, a fragile attempt to mask the reality of the situation. âI donât want to put myself in that position again.â
He inhales sharply, the air thick with unspoken regrets. Heâs always been prepared to face judgment, but thisâthis is a different kind of reckoning. âIâm sorry that they hurt you so much. And that I did too.â
âI know you are.â You want to rush through this, to escape the pain, but a part of you craves the closeness, the bittersweet connection that lingers between you. âI just wanted to clear things up and make sure weâre on the same page.â
Neither of you bothers to order anything; the thought of food feels heavy and unappetizing.
âYeah, we definitely are.â He laughs, but the sound is laced with sorrow, a mask for the pain that simmers beneath the surface.
He knew it all along. Thereâs only so far the universe can bend for him.
It seems Taehyung was wrong; the universe didnât bring you together to rekindle what was lost but to part ways on a better note. The hatred and disdain that once defined your relationship have only served to wound you both.
âLetâs end things on a good note this time, Jungkook.â Your voice is soft, almost a whisper, carrying the weight of your shared history.
Meeting you again has illuminated the understanding he lacked, the mistakes he made, and now he seeks to apologize for them. There are so many âI wishâ statements he could utter, but this moment isnât about that. Sometimes, itâs simply too late.
Itâs a reality he must confront now.
âMaybe thatâs all we needed,â he jokes, but the laughter feels uncomfortable, a desperate attempt to lighten the mood.
You chuckle lightly, âI guess so.â You can feel the tension in your chest begin to ease, the heaviness lifting just a little. His presence, once a source of turmoil, now feels more tolerable, like a bittersweet memory you can finally face.
"I wonât lie; Iâll have to miss you all over again." His smile is wistful, a reflection of the shared moments that linger in the air between you.
As you slide out of your seat, he stands too, and the world around you fades into the background. Itâs only when you reach his car that you find the courage to pull him into a hug. His warm arms envelop you, and the familiar scent of his cologne wraps around you like a comforting blanket.
"Iâll always love you, you know." His voice is muffled against your coat, and the words hang in the cold air, heavy with unfulfilled promises and lingering affection.
"Jungkook, donât do that to yourself." You pull back slightly, just enough to meet his gaze, but he squeezes you tighter, as if afraid to let go.
Maybe he crossed a line he shouldnât have. Maybe if he hadnât followed you up to your apartment that night, if he hadnât kissed you, if he hadnât over-apologizedâ
âDonât overthink it,â you whisper, trying to soothe the storm brewing in his eyes.
âItâs not your fault. Itâs no oneâs fault, okay?â You attempt to keep a smile on your face, but the weight of the moment threatens to crush you both. âBe glad we got to redo this and at least not hate each other anymore.â
âThatâs if you donât hate me.â You flash him a teasing smile, hoping to lighten the mood, and he responds with a small grin, the tension easing just a fraction.
âI actually do hate you,â he jokes, but the laughter doesnât quite reach his eyes.
Summary: Some people say that soulmates are made of the same star, a part of each other, one and the same. Stars donât live forever, Yoongi found, but they do burn forever. Â
Genre: Exes to lovers, angst, fluff
Word Count: 5.5k
Warning(s): I don't think there's any, but let me know if I've missed! Any mistakes are my own, I proofread this one (1) time đ
Masterlist
Notes: Eep, hello! Here's this lil thing I've been working on! Also, Yoongi and Mc didn't end on bad terms, their separation was somewhat mutual and they're all good :)). Feedback is always appreciated and encouraged! Enjoy!
âMake sure to eat, okay?âÂ
Snow swirls along the train tracks, following a gust as a train pulls into the station. Thereâs the bustle of people getting on and some getting off, bundled up warmly against the winter air. Some are going to see their families, some are taking a break from theirs. Some of them are stepping onto the train to never step foot in this town again. Some of them are just starting the first day of their adult lives.Â
Min Yoongi? Heâs moving to Seoul. Â
Your hands tuck the ends of his scarf securely into his sweater, staring at him like youâre trying to memorize his face. Your tears make tracks against your cheeks and dry quickly in the cold. Â
Min Yoongi is breaking up with his girlfriend. Â
âEat on time. And I donât mean ramyeon because youâre too lazy to cook.â You sniffle, and Yoongi wipes under your eyes with his thumbs. His glove has a hole in it. Not that it matters much right now, heâs trying to get you to stop crying. âSleep on time, not when the sunâs coming up.â Â
Min Yoongi is trying not to cry. Â
âOkay.â He holds you still because heâs trying to memorize your face. Heâs got pictures, even the silly ones that he took and promised to delete, but they wonât compare. âIâm sorry.âÂ
He mustâve apologised for the millionth time. He doesnât know what else to say. Â
You nod, smile â sadly, tears on your waterline â and, âI understand.â for the millionth time. Â
Heâs moving to Seoul, a long way away from Daegu. Â
A mixtape he made for shits and giggles took off and pulled him with it, and he has no choice but to follow. Your life is in this little town like a ship in a bottle and like a captain youâll go down with it. You canât follow. Â
You both talked about it for days, compromising, bargaining, but in the end, your lives are going separate ways. Â
Stars either explode or implode when they die, and Yoongi feel like the star youâre both made of has finally reached its end. Itâs imploding, folding in on itself and pulling everything with it. Â
He has five minutes left to take you in, how the tears shine in your eyes despite his efforts, the string of the necklace he won you at a fair peeking from behind your scarf. The way you smile and your eyes squint, the way he could feel the chill of your hands through his gloves. Â
He wants to stay right here in this moment and never leave if it meant he could take you in for five minutes till eternity. Â
âRemember to...â His throat feels raw, but itâs because of the cold and definitely not because heâs crying. The lump in his throat makes it hard to swallow. He looks somewhere above your head to give himself a second, things like these are always hard for him. âRemember to dress for the weather.â Â
He squeezes your hands, takes a breath that he almost chokes on, and looks back at you. âDonât skip meals. Get warm when you feel cold. Always carry an umbrella in July.â Â
Sometime later, Yoongi will wonder if the things he reminded you to do made much sense, if they mattered at all. Wonders if youâd actually remember. The umbrella one is really important; you always forget. Â
He sat where he could see you when his five minutes were up and eternity never came. Waving from behind a glass and missing the warmth of you and the sound of your voice. He watches you wipe your tears and smile big and you walk alongside the train when it pulls off and then you run, and then, Yoongi could no longer see you. Â
Min Yoongi broke up with his girlfriend and left her in the middle of winter chasing a train. Â
July is always rainy.Â
And every time it rains, Min Yoongi remembers the love he left in winter. He wonders if you remember to carry an umbrella. Itâs been five years; he wonders if you remember him at all.Â
He watches the rain splash into puddles and listens to the patter against his umbrella. Seoul bustles on, indifferent to the weather, its crowds meandering through the mid-summer downpour. Despite the seasonâs warmth, a stray breeze slips past his collar and reminds him of colder days. Heâs grateful his gloves no longer have holes.Â
He walks along the sidewalk, carried by the crowdâs flow without much thought. Â
Thereâs not much that he wishes for anymore, not much he can wish for when heâs got everything. He lives in a high rise, works at the top music production company. Sometimes itâs a bit hard being the most sought-after producer in Seoul. Life has been good; he canât complain. That mixtape opened doors he thought heâd be knocking on forever, and heâs worked hard to keep them open.Â
Min Yoongi doesnât need much of anything else.Â
But on days like this, when the wind is just a little chilly and the skyâs opened up and crying, he misses you.Â
Sometimes he looks back on that day and feel guilt. He knows it was just as hard for you as it was for him, the pain in your eyes that you smiled through.Â
For a while, heâd call you every night and update you, made sure that you were doing well. For a while, heâd keep up with you and made sure that youâre doing well. For a while, heâd call you every now and then, see if youâre doing well. Â
For a while, it had been a while and life, and then five years slinked on by. Â
Yoongi sighs, and thereâs guilt in it. He got busy, as one gets being a producer in Seoul with a shit ton of expectations. Heâs changed phones over the years, lost your contact, and he got busy.Â
Of course, heâs dated â mostly blind dates his friends set him up on â and heâs tried his best to push forward. Thereâs no point living in the past, heâs sure youâve moved on and on by now. Sometimes heâs fine, and sometimes heâs back on that train station platform, wishing heâd begged you to come with him.Â
It wouldâve been the selfish thing. It wouldnât have been fair to you had he done that. When he got to Seoul, heâd buried himself so deep into his work he barely found himself. He wouldâve dragged you out here, made you give up everything just to sit on the side-lines. Â
He misses you sometimes, anyways. Heâs forgotten the sound of your laugh, but he still remembers the way your nose scrunches when you do. Heâs forgotten the scent of your favourite perfume, but he remembers the way you lit up when he saved up and bought you a bottle forever ago.Â
Min Yoongi wonders if you remember him at all.Â
As Yoongi turns the corner, his umbrella catches a gust of wind and flips inside out. He fights with it for a moment before giving up, letting the rain soak his hair and the front of his jacket and jeans. He canât help but laugh at the irony, standing there drenched, remembering the countless times he reminded you to carry an umbrella.Â
Itâs you. Your photo, smiling brightly, pinned among various advertisements and announcements. Youâre standing next to a large canvas, looking proud. He steps closer, reading the caption beneath your picture: âLocal Artist Exhibition - Featuring Works by ________.âÂ
Yoongiâs mind races as he takes in the information. Youâre here in Seoul, and youâve been showcasing your art. A mix of emotions floods through himârelief, excitement, and a twinge of nervousness. He jots down the address of the gallery from the flyer without much thought and leaves without his coffee.Â
As Yoongi steps out into the rain, a million thoughts swirl through his mind, each one more turbulent than the last. He wonders why you never sought him out. Seoul is vast, but youâd known he was here, making waves in the music scene. Did you ever think about him? Did you ever miss him?Â
The realization hits him hard: he never knew you were doing art before he left. In all your conversations, all your late-night talks and shared dreams, you never mentioned a passion for painting. He feels a pang of guilt. Had he been so wrapped up in his own ambitions that he failed to notice yours? The thought stings, and he can't shake the feeling that he should have been there for your journey, supporting you the way you always supported him.Â
The gallery isnât far, and soon heâs standing in front of it, his heart pounding in his chest. He takes a deep breath and pushes the door open, the sound of soft music and hushed voices greeting him. Thereâs quite a bit of people mingling about in quiet discussion, taking photos of the art mounted on the walls under ambient lighting.Â
Inside the gallery, he feels out of place. The walls, adorned with your art, are a testament to a part of your life he knows nothing about. Each piece is beautiful, but they also serve as a painful reminder of how much heâs missed. He wonders how many late nights you spent creating these, how many times you might have needed someone to share your successes and frustrations with.Â
Yoongi wanders through the gallery, the sound of soft music and hushed voices creating a backdrop to his thoughts. The rain outside has left him feeling introspective, and as he takes in the various pieces of art, he feels a strange mix of pride and sadness seeing how far youâve come.Â
Each painting tells a story, each one a glimpse into your life over the past five years, a life he wasnât a part of.Â
His gaze is drawn to a large canvas on the far wall. The colours are bold and dramatic, the brushstrokes chaotic and full of emotion. As he steps closer, he realizes with a jolt that the scene depicted is achingly familiar: a train station, snow swirling in the air, and two figures standing close together, wrapped in scarves and winter coats.Â
His breath catches in his throat as he takes in the details. The style is unmistakably expressionist, the exaggerated forms and vibrant colours capturing the raw emotion of that day. The figures are abstract, but he knows them instantly: one is you, and the other is him.Â
He remembers the way you tucked his scarf into his sweater, the tears that made tracks down your cheeks, and the way you both tried to memorize each other in those final moments. The painting captures all of it, the pain and the love, the sorrow and the hope.Â
Yoongi feels a lump in his throat as he stares at the piece. Itâs a testament to your skill as an artist. He wonders how long you carried the weight of that moment, how many times you revisited it in your mind to create this masterpiece. Heâs overwhelmed by a wave of emotions: regret, longing, and a deep, unspoken connection.Â
The title of the painting, written on a small plaque beside it, reads âDeparture.â Itâs fitting, he thinks, for the moment it captures, but also for the way it marks the beginning of your separate journeys.Â
As he stands there, lost in thought, he hears your voice nearby, and for a moment, he simply stands there. Your words meld together and he isnât hearing much of what youâre saying, just the sound. His heart pounds against his ribs as your laugh â it sparks a memory and adds sound to the ones that were muted â bounces off the walls and around in his head. Â
He turns and sees you, in a corner, your back to him talking to a taller man, discussing a point of space where youâre standing. The sight of you, so vibrant and alive, sends a mixture of relief and nervousness fluttering around in Yoongiâs tummy.  Â
Gathering his courage, he takes a step forward, then another, until heâs standing just a few feet away. You turn and startle, staring at him like heâs a ghost. Thereâs a brief moment of surprise â he gets it â and then you blink.Â
âYoongi,â you breathe, and turning to the man next to you, you smile gently. âTaehyung...Can you give us a moment?â Â
The guy looks between you both for a second with a raised brow before heâs gone, walking off to some other part of the gallery. Yoongiâs mind is too occupied taking in the sight of you to wonder what that manâs presence may mean.Â
âHi,â he replies, his voice soft and filled with all the words heâs wanted to say for years. Despite this, he doesnât actually know what to say, he didnât actually think this far ahead. He glances back at the painting of the train station platform, then back at you. âI saw your painting.âÂ
You follow his gaze and nod, your smile tinged with a hint of sadness. âIt was a significant moment for me. For both of us, I think.âÂ
Itâs a lot awkward, with him just standing there, not sure what to do with himself. You look the same, though now your hair is styled professionally and not the frizzy, wind swept mess it was when he last saw you. Â
âThank you,â you say, your eyes reflecting a mixture of pride, nostalgia and a certain sadness. âI didnât know youâd be here. Itâs... good to see you.âÂ
The conversation goes slowly, awkwardly. There are long pauses and nervous laughter, each of you trying to bridge the gap of five years with small talk about your art and his music.Â
âYouâve done well,â he says, gesturing to the paintings around you both. âI didnât even know you were into art.âÂ
You smile, the same just barely there sad smile from earlier. âIt was something I started after you left. It helped me cope.âÂ
âOh...â His heart aches at the thought of you turning to art just to fill the void he left behind. âIâm sorry I wasnât there,â he says, his voice barely above a whisper.Â
You shake your head and shrug. âWe both had our paths to follow. Itâs just... life.âÂ
He nods, but the guilt lingers. Life had taken you both in different directions, but he canât help but wonder what might have been different if he had stayed, or if he had at least tried to stay in touch better.Â
Min Yoongi is an idiot and heâs always told himself so. Heâs an idiot and he sucks at this sort of thing.Â
As the gallery starts to empty out, Yoongi looks at you, the rain pattering gently against the windows. Thereâs a part of him that wants to apologize, to make up for all the lost time, but he knows itâs not that simple.Â
âDo you have time for a coffee?â he asks, hope and uncertainty mingling in his eyes.Â
Your smile is a little hesitant, but you nod, âSure.âÂ
You excuse yourself to grab your jacket and an umbrella â you remembered, he smiles privately â, and then you talk to the man from earlier for a minute before Yoongi follows you out of the gallery and onto the wet street. Â
The walk is quiet, filled with the awkwardness of five yearsâ worth of missed everythingâs, and Yoongi holds tight to the handle of his umbrella. Thereâs a confidence to your step as you weave your way through the crowd, head straight forward and not looking down at your feet like he remembers.Â
Youâre not the girl he left on that platform five years ago just as heâs not the guy that left you there. Â
You walk back to the cafe heâd come from, and he realises that youâre probably a regular here. The barista behind the counter greets you with a smile and asks if youâre having your usual. You order a coffee and Yoongi asks the girl behind the counter to reheat the one he bought earlier, and the baristaâs eyes dart between you both.Â
You lead him to a cozy corner table after the order was called, and as you settle in, the conversation starts up slowly again.Â
âHow long have you been in Seoul?â Yoongi asks first, his voice a little hesitant, not sure if heâs allowed to ask. Â
âAlmost three years now,â you reply, looking down at your coffee cup, the tiniest furrow between your brows. âIt took a while, but I got settled.âÂ
Yoongi takes a moment to observe you, trying to reconcile the person in front of him with the memories heâs held onto for the past five years. You donât look much different, your hairâs in an up-do, your cheeks are a little fuller, but thatâs as much as he notices. Â
The silence that rings between you both is louder than the other customers in the cafe. Yoongi can only imagine what this scene looks like to others; two people who are barely looking at each other, like awkward strangers forced to share a space. Â
His coffee is still hot, and it burns his tongue when he sips at it, but at least itâs given him a distraction. He steals glances at you, watching the way your eyes comb the cafe and avoid his gaze. Â
Unfortunately, Yoongi is naught but a man, and thereâs a nagging sound at the back of his brain. It grows louder until he fidgets, the nerves of his free hand feel like theyâre dancing and he takes a breath. He looks down at his coffee cup, glances at you and then back to the cup. Then, he asks a question that made him want to crawl out of his skin. Â
âSo...that guy back at your gallery seemed nice...â Â
He knows itâs been five years, and a lot can change in that time. As toxic as it may sound, the thought of you moving on with someone else stirs a mix of emotions in him.Â
He knows he has no right to be upset if youâve found happiness with someone else. Itâs not his business anymore, not after all this time.  Â
Still, the fear is there. He doesnât want to admit how much it hurts to think of you with someone else. He canât deny the pang of jealousy at the thought, but he tries his best to ignore it. He has no claim over you. You deserve to be happy, and if youâve found that with someone, then heâs happy. Â
He sighs inwardly, pushing the thoughts aside. He wants to focus on the present, on the fact that youâre sitting in front of him right now. Whatever happens, heâs happy to be here, he hopes he can be a part of your life again of you let him, even if itâs only as a friend. He doesnât want to ruin this, whatever it turns out to be.Â
You stare at him for a moment and Yoongi canât tell what youâre thinking, âHe is...heâs got an eye for art.â Â
Yoongi nods slowly, his fingers tracing the rim of his coffee cup. He hums softly, and now itâs his turn to pretend youâre not looking; he finds interest in the light fixtures above.  Â
His next question sits on his tongue trying to pry past his teeth. He feels like a kid trying to find the right moment to ask his parents if he could go play outside. Thereâs a nervous churning in his tummy that isnât at all pleasant. How does one ask their ex of five years if theyâre seeing someone? Â
Yoongi imagines theyâd just ask, out of curiosity, and get it out of the way. He could play it well. Maybe lean back into his seat and appear more casual before he says the stupid words. Maybe he could stop staring at the lights like a damn moth, and act like a being with a fully developed frontal lobe. Â
âAre you two...close? Or...you know...â He waves a hand and then lays it on the table. The sound of his ring knocking against it is kind of jarring, but it gives Yoongi an opportunity to look away again.Â
You make a quiet sound, and Yoongi finally meets your gaze. Thereâs amusement in your eyes, itâs obvious youâve figured him out already â he wasnât exactly being subtle. Which is unfortunate, because now Yoongi could feel embarrassment tapping on his shoulder.Â
You say nothing of it, even though he knows you want to. He could feel it. Â
âAs close as business partners can be, I suppose.â You say, and Yoongi can see the beginning of a smile as you lift your coffee to hide it. Â
âRight...Sorry.â Yoongi says sheepishly, though, a weight lifts off his chest. As he looks at you, he notices something that makes his heart skip a beat. Â
Youâre still wearing the necklace he got you all those years ago, the one he won for you at the fair. The twine that the little pendant hangs on looks worn, fraying a bit at some points, but youâre wearing it. Â
You kept it.Â
He clears his throat, the words heâs been holding back spilling out. âIâm sorry I lost touch. I got so busy, and then it felt like too much time had passed to reconnect. I lost your contact, and⊠I didnât know how to find you again.âÂ
You nod, your fingers brushing over the necklace like you sensed his gaze on it. âItâs okay. Life happened, for both of us.âÂ
âBut why didnât you seek me out when you got to Seoul?â Yoongi asks, his voice soft, devoid of accusation; genuinely curious.Â
âI thought it would be for the best,â you say, equally as soft, staring into your coffee as though it would give you the words youâre looking for. âSo much time had passed, and I didnât want to disrupt your life. You were doing well.â Â
You look so sad when you say it that it almost breaks Yoongiâs heart. Â
âYou know I wouldnât have...â He wouldnât have turned you away. Â
âI know, I just...â You sigh, your eyes dart somewhere to his left, and then back at him, â...I really missed you.â Â
Yoongi wants to reach out and take your hand so he does. Your fingers are warm from the coffee, squeezing his own, and tears beads at your waterline. Â
âI missed you too.â His gaze is soft and he knows it, but he doesnât care because its you. Youâre still you and heâs still him, and he misses you and the girl he left on that platform. Â
Youâre both still made of the same star. Itâs imploded but still glowing, and your necklace pendant catches the above head light. Â
His finger brushes over your knuckles, he stares at them, the shape and colour and all the little things about them that makes them a part of you. All that with his heart in his throat because he wants to ask something. Â
âDo you thinkâŠâ His voice is barely a whisper, as if heâs afraid the wrong volume might shatter whatever delicate thread holds this moment together. âDo you think thereâs a chance⊠that we could try again?âÂ
You stare at him, your eyes wide, and he feels the subtle pressure of your fingers in his. He knows itâs a lot to ask, but the longing, the sense that maybe something beautiful can still be salvaged from the pieces, presses him to keep going.Â
Hope catches on the glint of your necklace pendant, and he clings to it.Â
âI donât expect anything to happen right away. I just⊠I want to be in your life again, even if we start slow. No pressure, just⊠what feels right.âÂ
Youâre quiet for a moment, and then a soft smile curves your lips, almost as if youâve been waiting for him to say something like this. Â
âWe could try,â you murmur, the words tentative but filled with the same cautious hope Yoongi feels.Â
And from there, the pace is unhurried. You both ease into each otherâs lives like rivers that find their way back to the same stream. Â
Some days Yoongi feels like heâs been whacked on the head with a giant stick. Anyone could tell by looking at him, when heâs got that stupid look on his face. Like heâs seen a goddess and she spared him a glance. He feels like heâs dreaming, and the last five years without you seem to blur. Â
He starts small, a text here and there; good morning and good night. Even if heâs busy heâd keep up with you, except when his work demands his focus. There are some days when youâd disappear, and Yoongi understands when you explain youâve been in your studio for hours. Â
Your gallery isnât far from his work, and as much as he could heâd go see you. He finds himself drawn to small gesturesâbringing you lunch or a cup of coffee, or sometimes a sweet he thinks you might like. Each time he steps into the gallery with something for you, he feels a warmth settle in his chest.Â
Itâs an excuse, he knows, to see you smile, to watch you light up at the thoughtfulness of it. And each time you look at him with that gentle, appreciative gaze, he feels his hope grow a little stronger.Â
Youâd tell him all about your creative process, how youâd spin and weave whatâs in your head onto a canvas. Heâd listen attentively because heâs interested and he owes it to you. All those nights spent burning the midnight oil, steeping in his frustrations; you were there. Youâd listen to him rant and cry when things werenât working out the way he wanted.Â
He owed you much more than that. Â
He feels like he has to learn you all over again, which, in a sense, he does. Even if the bases of you are the same, thereâs new facets. Little shards that fit into the mirror that reflects you, some pieces are a little dusty and worn with time and others are new and shiny. Yoongi has to take his time cleaning the old ones to see them again, and get used to the new ones that twinkle his eyes. Â
He invites you to his place for dinner, something simple and easy, and the conversation flows a lot better than it had a month before. Â
Thereâs no awkward sentences that cut off somewhere in the middle. Yoongi knows what to do with his hands and he has a better time looking you in the eye now. He feels a lot like he did back then, like a school boy taking his crush to meet his parents. His hands are a little sweaty, but the food is good and your eyes sparkle like they did back then, too. Â
You seem so sure, like youâre not worried one bit. Like you knew youâd meet him again and youâd be here in this moment; sipping on white wine â something new heâs learned â and chucking over stories set in the past. Â
The day he let a pet name slip was the day Yoongi wished a chasm would open up and swallow him. He had his excuse ready; the clockâs pushing one in the morning; heâs tired. The truth? Itâs so easy to slip back into old ways, like nothing changed at all. Â
Like a smouldering fire in a hearth. Itâs not quite out yet, and if you throw some sticks in there, theyâll catch. Â
After a while, on some sunny evening, Yoongi invited you to his studio.Â
âThis is where I spend most of my time.â And he means that, letting you into his studio. Thereâs a blanket tossed haphazardly on the black couch that lines the wall near the door. Â
Thereâs day old take away coffee cups that never made it to the bin, cluttered in a designated spot. The bin he meant to empty is overflowing with scraps of paper and crushed takeout containers. Thatâs as far as the clutter goes. Though, Yoongiâs embarrassed now â he prides himself on keeping tidy. He wasnât thinking when he asked you over, didnât expect you to agree either. Â
So now heâs clearing up his desk and tying a knot on the waste bag. You make yourself comfortable on his couch like youâve been there before, throwing the blanket over your lap as your eyes dart about to take everything in. Â
Youâre impressed, he could tell by the gleam in your eyes and your little down turned smile. Heâs come a long way from his old computer and MIDI. Â
âIts nice, cosy. Beats camping out in your bedroom.â You smile and Yoongi chuckles, nodding. Â
âDamn right.â He agrees, but he wouldnât trade in those days for anything. Truthfully, heâs been here for three days, only going home to shower. Inspiration on an all time high and heâs just been riding the wave, youâve been his muse for the past month. It isnât the first time, at moments over the years gone youâd float into his mind like a mirage, and heâd get stuck on you. Â
Heâs grateful for the break, though, thereâs nothing much to do and he doesnât want to bore you with rambling about what heâs working on. So he orders something, and lets a movie play on his laptop. Â
The clock ticks softly in the corner, its sound nearly drowned out by the hum of the desk lamp â he should really get that replaced. Youâre still curled up on his couch despite the hour, the blanket pooled around your legs, your eyes scanning a painting on the wall he doesnât remember hanging.Â
âItâs peaceful here,â you say, your voice quiet but steady, like youâre speaking directly to the heart of the roomâand to him.Â
Yoongi glances up from the cluttered desk heâd been half-heartedly straightening; resorting his things because he canât sit still. He watches the way you seem to belong in his space, your presence settling into the corners he never realized were empty. The faintest smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.Â
âYou think so?â he asks, moving to lean against the edge of the desk. He crosses his arms, the soft light from the lamp catching on the fine lines of his face. âI always thought it was too chaotic.âÂ
You turn your head, your gaze locking onto his. âChaos can be beautiful. It just takes the right eyes to see it.âÂ
The words settle between you, their weight both gentle and profound. Yoongi feels something inside him shiftâa small piece of armour finally cracking and falling away.Â
He takes a step toward you, his hands slipping into his pockets, his expression tentative. âThereâs something Iâve been meaning to ask you.âÂ
You sit up a little straighter, tilting your head. âWhat is it?âÂ
âWould youâŠâ He hesitates, his fingers brushing against the edge of a USB drive in his pocketâthe same drive that holds the tracks heâs been working on for weeks. âWould you let me write something for you? About you?âÂ
Your surprise shows in the slight widening of your eyes, followed quickly by a soft, warm smile. âYou already do that, donât you?âÂ
Yoongi chuckles under his breath, his gaze dropping to the floor for a moment. âMaybe,â he admits, with a small smile that meant more than he could say. âBut this time, I want you to know itâs for you. No hiding it in metaphors or beats no one else understands. JustâŠyou.âÂ
You rise from the couch, the blanket slipping to the side as you close the small distance between you. Standing so close, Yoongi count all the things that make you you. Â
âOkay,â you say softly, your fingers brushing against his. âBut only if you let me paint something for you, too.âÂ
Some people say that soulmates are made of the same star, apart of each other, one in the same. Stars donât live forever, Yoongi found, but they do burn forever. Â
I understand that museums have to be dark because light can destroy fragile artifacts. That said, Iâm always afraid to walk around the blind corners because what if there is a skeleton
Fact: you can absolutely kick a skeleton's ass. You are a skeleton wearing biological power armor. Skeletons of adult humans typically weigh less than 30 pounds. You are in a superior weight class by orders of magnitude.
đïž one your stories that sticks to me the most was the (im)perfect ending. I really wish to see how you visualize their lives after. will Joon ever find out about the baby? will they reunite again? what happens when they dođ€? will Joon finally get his head out of his a** and end his marriage and be true to his feelings đ§ or will OC has her own happy ending with someone elseđ€?
đ I think other people have said this before, but you are an admirable person that I've ever met online. You've worked hard on your stories and have always given us a lot. even now, you choose to spread positivity and share gifts for others to celebrate your birthday and I think that's the sweetest thing anyone could ever do. happy belated birthday, Dia. You deserve so much happiness and a lot more. I hope your coffee is always hot and your pillow always warm. wishing you and all your precious kitties an abundance of health and joy đđ
omg I've been getting the same questions sent to me for this couple, so I guess this might be a good chance to provide some answers for those who have been waiting for it lol
I know that the last letter mentioned in the fic didn't specify how much OC shared about her baby, so I guess this is where we get to see what other things she sent with the letter for Namjoon. I hope you enjoy the snippet and the visualisation below!!
â title: Our Imperfections| pairings: Namjoon x female reader| genre: second chances!au, infidelity!au, post divorce/break-up!au, angst | word count: 1,410 words
â summary | Namjoon is on a mission to fix the mess he created.
â ratings & warnings | +18 / M for mature; talk about divorce and custody, post break-up, mentions of infidelity
â original: The (Im)perfect Ending by @yoonia
â fic drop date: Oct 30th, 2024
â song companion: loved
âDonât forget that you need to pick up Sunny early Saturday morning for her class camping trip.âÂ
Hearing her voice on the phone, clipped with orders, used to make Namjoon wince. Now he is used to it. Always so business-like, even when talking about their only child.Â
âDid you get that?âÂ
Her voice returns when he doesnât answer. He holds back from rolling his eyes and calmly answers. âYeah, I got that. Saturday morning. Early.âÂ
His reaction isnât the only thing he is holding back. Asking why six-year-olds would go on a camping trip might only end up with him getting a long lecture through the phone. He doesnât have that much time to endure that. And having his ear burning from it is really the last thing he needs right now.Â
âRight. Iâll text you the details.â A sigh, then, âSunny also wants you to be the one to drive her to school Monday. So Iâm packing up extra clothes for her to stay with you another night. Is that good?âÂ
Namjoon closes his eyes. As much as he loves having extra time with his daughter, having the childâs mother schedule their time for him without consulting him first rubs him the wrong way. If he doesnât know any better, he would have thought that she keeps doing this as a payback. Causing trouble and brushing his ego for choosing to step out of their marriageâthe marriage that she had worked so hard to paint as perfect for the world to see.Â
But Namjoon knows better.Â
He knows that she has always been this way.Â
Even when they were still together, she always had to be the one running the show, while Namjoon would have to follow. She was the one holding the pen, writing the story for them through her rose-coloured glasses, while forcing him into a role that he never felt like he could fit into.Â
At one point, it caused him to lose himself.Â
Only that he realised it too late. Far too late, because it hadnât just started when they got married, but long beforeâwhen they grew up together and being fed their parentsâ beliefs that they would end up together once they turned adults; when they became teenagers and she insisted that it would only be right if they started dating to make their parentsâ dreams come true and when she started planning their wedding day just when Namjoon was starting to find a chance to write his own story, to walk a different path, with a completely different person.Â
It wasnât until he was able to find his old self and feel like himself again through the mistakes he made when he finally found the courage to leave that life. Yet, once again, he was too late.Â
Far too late.Â
âNamjoon? Do youââÂ
Her voice breaks him out of his wandering thoughts, only for her words to get drowned by the sound of the announcement blaring through the speakers above his head.Â
âAttention, passengers on Flight 345 with service to Sydney. We are now beginning our boarding process at Gate 12B. PleaseâŠâÂ
The voice fades as passengers rush in front of him to find the departure gate, and Namjoon waits until the announcement stops before taking his palm off his phone.Â
âWhere are you? Are you on another business trip?âÂ
Namjoon almost laughs. He finds it hard to believe that after spending an entire fifteen minutes on call with him, she never thought about asking him where he was or where he was up to.Â
Business as usual. Even when itâs about our new arrangement.Â
âAustralia. I just landed. Thatâs why I couldnât take your call until now.âÂ
âOhâŠâÂ
âYou do realise the longer youâre on this call, the more expensive it will be, donât you?âÂ
Silence, then her bitter voice is heard. âHow was I supposed to know where you were?âÂ
You could have asked.Â
Sighing, Namjoon shakes his head. âLook, just text or email me all the details about Sunnyâs trip. Iâll be back in Seoul Friday afternoon. Okay?âÂ
âOkay.â Her voice softens. âTake care, Namjoon.âÂ
The call ends, and Namjoon breathes a heavy sigh. Feeling exhaustion after speaking to her is one thing, but once it wanes, guilt always seems to take root. It doesnât matter if he had fallen out of love a long time ago. He cannot deny that he has made too many mistakes that he is still trying hard to make up for. His decision to stay in the marriage for Sunny, using her as an excuse to hang on to the final threads that were offered to him instead of stepping away from that fallen marriage, was his last, yet probably most detrimental for his own mental health and any chance he ever had to make things right for everyone.Â
Including you.Â
Hoisting his duffle bag on his shoulder, Namjoon walks across the airportâs lot to find his ride. There is a reason why he is here, and he isnât going to stop until he finds what he is searching for.Â
It takes him nearly an hour to reach his destination.Â
The small coffee shop looks quite inconspicuous as it stands between various other shops downtown, yet it still catches Namjoonâs eyes the moment he arrives.Â
Quaint and delicate, with natural wooden colours chosen as the accents at the front side of the shop and dark window frames, it reminds him so much of you.Â
The sound of the bell chimes above his head as he steps in, immediately welcomed by the fresh scent of coffee beans, chocolate, and a bit of cinnamon. Spicy and sweet and pleasantly warm. A young boy with a thick Australian accent welcomes him from the cashier, yet his eyes travel across the room, where the figure that has been filling his dreams at night appears.Â
Smiling at the young barista, he walks up towards you instead. You have yet to notice him in the room. Your eyes are locked on the small child sitting on the sofa by the corner, swinging his legs as he receives a small sip cup from your hands.Â
His eyes find him first, looking over your shoulder while you still have your back facing Namjoon and the front door.Â
âNow you sit tight right here until Mommy finishes work, okay? And donâtââ
âMama?â the boy cuts you off before you can finish speaking, his chubby finger pointing towards Namjoon, âDa..?âÂ
Your body freezes. Namjoon hears a soft gasp before you straighten up and slowly turn to face him. The moment you see him standing there, your eyes grow wide and you quickly move to hide your son behind you. Only the child is quick, as he hops off the sofa to stand right behind you, clinging onto your legs as he peeks at Namjoon.Â
A line which he read from your letter echoes in his mind as he returns the boyâs curious gaze, just as it does many nights after you were goneâ
âI have a boy. Heâs here. He might have a dimple on his cheek too that might show up once heâs grown a bit older. His name isâŠâÂ
Namjoon bends down. âSammy, is it?âÂ
The boy, Sammy, slowly nods. Namjoon smiles. âYou look handsome. Youâre being a good boy to your Mommy now?âÂ
âYeaâŠâÂ
Chuckling softly, Namjoon straightens up to face you. Your eyes are covered with tears as you look back at him. âHowââ you gasp, âWhat are you doing here?âÂ
Because Iâll chase you to the end of the world if I could.Â
Those are the words that Namjoon has always wanted to say to you. A promise that he never got a chance to say before you left him. It was a mistake that he had been dreading the most when he first received your letter, along with a copy of your sonogram and your final word of goodbye.Â
âKeeping a promise,â he merely says. âI think we have a lot to talk about.âÂ
A deep sigh escapes your lips. The sound pains him. But the sight of every tension being lifted from your shoulders gives him a sense of calm.Â
âI guess we do,â you whisper to him with a broken smile.Â
A lot of them.Â
He can almost hear those words coming from you. Just like he almost says out loud,
I have all the time in the world to talk and listen now. For you.Â
For your fall tune, I think this song will fit perfectly well for this.
âWhen two souls, with different reasons for why life has broken them, find together, it needs a whole lot of a luck and a little bit of fate to make them see that maybe healing together isnât as bad as it sounds.âÂ
Pairing:Â CEO!Jungkook x Sexworker!ReaderÂ
Genre: Strangers to Lovers!AU, BDSM, Hurt and Comfort, Smut, Romance, Fluff, Angst
Warnings: This story contains unhealthy coping methods in the form of alcohol and excessive sex & trying to get over said addictions. As well as very sexually explicit scenes, mental health issues, suicidal thoughts and swearing. If you are sensitive to such topics, I advice you read with care.
Summary:Â Being friends with someone who has your heart itâs already hard, let alone when that special someone ends up falling in love with your best friend, the one you think would never make anything to hurt you . Will you be able to ignore it and move on? what will happen when everything gets too much for you to handle?
Genre:Â Friends to lovers; angst; body insecurities; bullying; friend betrayel;
Pairing:Â Jungkook x female!reader
Author's note: I already had this chapter prepared that's why I'm posting it. The next ones are gonna be the much longer, so probably will take a little more to be posted! I hope you enjoy it and once again thank you for you support on Second Best đ
âY/n? Wooow. I didnât expect to see you here. Are you okay? Saw you a little nervous back there, came to ask if you needed anything. Didn't know it was actually youâ it took her a while to be able to speak again but managed to say something.
âNo, Iâm good. I mean I was with my friend but lost sight of her and now I canât find her and I'm losing my mind because I donât know where I am or how Iâll get back to the chalet weâre in and ----â she rambled, making Tae be even more confused. Â
âHey, calm down. Sewoon really doesnât change. Iâm sure she didnât see you werenât following her tracks. Do you wanna drink something and catch up? I heard hot chocolate here is fantastic.âÂ
âHmmm... I- I'm not here with Sewoon.. Itâs Lisa, do you remember her? I saw her one night I went out with Sewoon and Jun--â y/n stops and tries to rephrase her words hoping Taehyung didnât catch it. âAnyways, yeah, Iâm here with Lisa. Girls trip actually, first day and I'm already lost." she laughs about her luck (or lack thereof).Â
âIt wouldn't be you if you didn't have anything contradictory to say about your adventures to be very honest. So what do you say? You, me and hot chocolate? Maybe youâll see Lisa around there. If not Iâll help you look for her I promise.â Taehyung says with his charming smile. You remember Sewoonâs constant bragging about his smile, it was always her favourite trait of his. That and how good he treated her.
She got really devastated when they broke things off. You felt really bad and tried to help her the best way you could, but she never gave you any information about their break up. You always suspected it, but never pushed it. âLetâs go then. You pay anyway so Iâm not backing up.â Y/n says with a genuine smile. Tae was right, she could find Lisa on the way there and besides that she knew him for years now and he was someone she could trust. Â
She really didn't want to be alone anyway, maybe it would be good. Y/n remembers that the only person she kept in touch with was Sewoon and she never realized why she didn't continue to get in touch with her old friends. Â Was she so focused on her friendship with Sewoon, being grateful for everything they've been through together that she forgot to appreciate the little things and people in her life?
Y/n didn't understand why she was thinking about all of this right now, she was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't realize they were arriving at the cafe close to where they were before. He opened the door for her and she thanked him silently, nodding her head and walking in ahead of him, sitting at the nearest table. It was strange, but all that silence between her and Tae wasn't uncomfortable at all. Y/n remembers that before he and Sewoon started dating, they were very close, maybe that was why she was so relaxed, despite the circumstances. The waitress came to get their order and while they were waiting Tae started talking Â
âThis place is fantastic, isn't it? I've been here a few times and I never get tired of this view.â he said looking outside. âThe first time I came was when I broke up with Sewoon, you know? Speakig of I saw her a few months ago when I returned to visit my parents, I ran into her in a restaurant, we exchanged a few words but nothing more. Are you still friends? I never heard anything from you again. What have you been up to?â They were interrupted by the waitress delivering their orders, thanked her and both tried the region's famous hot chocolate. It really was wonderfulÂ
âYes, I'm still friends with her. I- my god Tae, how long has it been since we last saw each other? she laughed. âSo much happened between the lines after we all separated. I mean, I'm still in the same place. I rented an apartment for myself, work in a coffee shop relatively close to home too, you know how it is, I've always been very reserved, my life remains the same. I haven't changed much since we were younger" She said smiling
âYou never change Y/n. That was always what caught my attention the most, always so dedicated and focused on your goals, always so... You. I'm glad to see you're still like this. And boys? Do you have someone special in your life?â At this Y/n chokes on her hot chocolate. She wasnât expecting this question, at all. She cleared her throat. âYes. I mean no. There's not much to say about it. You know me, I'm weird when it comes to guys Tae." She laughs, trying to lighten the mood and make the subject disappear. Why was she always so nervous about this kind of topic? Deep down she knew why but didn't want to think about it just as she didn't want anyone to know that at 23 years old she never had a real boyfriend or experienced anything related to guys besides kissing. A shame, she knows.Â
âWeird why? Have you ever taken a good look at yourself? Y/n you were always beautiful and time only continued to be generous with you. It wasn't for nothing that I had a massive crush on you when in highschool. I still feel hurt that you didn't give me a chanceâ. Tae laughs like it was the most natural thing in the world while Y/n looked at him with a confused expression. Crush? Chance? What the hell did was he talking about? Taehyung must have noticed because seconds later he stopped laughing and looked at her seriously. âIt looks like you've seen a ghost Y/n. Is everything okay? I'm just kidding, I know how to handle rejection, don't worry, I was never upset. Life went onâÂ
âIt's not that, it's just... What rejection? I never rejected you Tae. I didn't even know you had a crush on me, you caught me off guard."
âWhat do you mean? That was the reason why I approached you at school in the first place. Don't act like you don't know, you even responded to the letter I sent you.â Damn he was really offended by your lack of memory. Â
Y/n looked at him sternly. "Tae I'm telling you I didn't know anything about this, I didn't respond to any letter, I don't know what you're talking about. Stop making fun of meâ Now she was getting mad. Why would she lie about this. Tae's face fell and if before his skin was glowing by the European sun now he could be confused with the wall of the cafe they were at. He was white as snow. LiterallyÂ
âSophmore. It was the year I started hanging out with you more, I got closer little by little until the three of us spent a lot of time together. At that time I had a huge crush on you. Sewoon knew, I asked her to help me. I was always asking her things about you, what you liked, what your favorite color was, that sort of thing that kids do when they want to win someone over, but you never paid attention to me so I decided to write you a letter that, by the way, was the most beautiful thing I ever wrote. Sewoon said she would make sure the letter reached you. A few days later I received a letter saying that you were sorry but didn't feel the same way about me and that we could be friends but nothing more and you didn't want to make things awkward between us, so I dropped the subject. At the time I was really sad but I understood your reasons. Sewoon was fantastic duringt my heartbreak. She supported me a lot and as time passed, she ended up telling me she had feelings for me and one thing led to another and we ended up dating, as you know. The rest is historyâÂ
Y/n was completely in shock, she had no words, no reaction, nothing. Her brain was working too fast and she couldn't keep up. When she was finally going to say something, someone called her name. "Y/n. Ohh Y/n. I've been looking for you like a fool, I never saw you again, I thought you were stuck in an alley and I wouldn't find you in all this snow. God Iâm so thankful I found you but also wanna kill you for disappearing like this."Â
â"I... first of all it wasn't me who ran off, it was you! When I looked to the side you were no longer there and I started to panic. Luckily I found an old friend around here too, you remember Tae right?â Lisa looked at where he was sittingÂ
âTae? Sewoon's Tae? is it really you? Damn, you look different. Finally managed to grow a beard I see and you also got buff. Your old self must be very proud right nowâ Lisa teases. How does she manage to have these comments at the most inopportune moments?Â
âThank you for taking care of y/n in my absence. We just got here and sheâs already making trouble, bad habits never die" she says winking at him and teasing Y/n while she sighs, rolling her eyesÂ
âThe pleasure was mine. I'm very happy to see you, despite the situation." His gaze passes from one to the other "how long are you going to stay here?" Y/n responds an "I don't know" while Lisa says "a whole week". They look at each other and Lisa makes a face "don't tell me you're already changing your mind! Y/n you promised me." She didn't say anything, instead she picked up the hot chocolate and drank it all. Everywhere she went it seemed like trouble was always behind her. She wanted to shout, grabLisa and leave but she knew Tae wasn't guilty of anything and she felt ashamed of doing it, as if she was capable anyway. She knew Tae felt the discomfort in the air because he got up, left two bills on the table, straightened up and spokeÂ
"I'm glad you've already found each other. I have to get going, but I'll see you around. Lisa, order something for yourself, this is on me. Enjoy the rest of your day and please stay out of troubleâ He said laughing while putting on his coat. He started heading towards the exit but looked back one last time, put his hands in his pockets and left. Only then did Y/n manage to let go of all the air she had been holding in.
âDid I interrumpt something here? Iâm sorry I didnât even ask, but I was so worried about you. Y/n?- Y/n?â Lisa started to get worried. After Tae left she got so pale and apathic. Y/n puts her elbows on the table and her hands on her head and begged "I need to get some air. I can't breathe. Please Lisa, no more questions, letâs get out of here. Please.â Lisa didn't say anything else, picked her up and helped her go outside where they stayed for a while until Y/n started to feel a bit better. Lisa didnât say anything else and just waited for her friend to say something.Â
âSorry Lisa, I don't know what happened. I'm just... This was supposed to be an amazing time for us and Iâm just ruining it, Iâm so sorry" She hugged Lisa and started crying. She had so much accumulated from the last few days and now this bombshell dropped on her. She didn't understand. She always saw Tae and Sewoon together back in school. This didn't add up.Â
âWhat happened back there Y/n?â Â
âWe were just talking about how we were doing right now, then he asked me if I had anyone in my life and I got nervous. Then he revealed to me that he had a huge crush on me at highschool and I was super quiet, I wasn't expecting it. He said that Sewoon helped him and everything, that he wrote me a letter to which I responded. Lisa I swear I never knew about anything. Tae's feelings, the letter, nothing, the only thing I know is that since Tae approached us, Sewoon has always been interested in him and that things were going well between them.âÂ
"Y/n there is something you have to understand. Just because you think Sewoon is a good person, doesn't mean it corresponds to reality. Why do you think I never joined you when she was present? Honestly, I never understood what good you saw in her. Deep down she was always like that, bad and conceited. I think you were always too good to realize that she was always jealous of you. I really thought there would be a time where you would open your eyes but not even with the situation that happened with Jungkook did you stay away from her. She was mean! She knows it, you know it and everyone knows it! It wasn't cool, period! You need to open your eyesâÂ
âBut why Lisa, why?! I never did anything to upset her, I was always in my corner. You all know that I've always been very shy and reserved, I never cared about that kind of things. There is no comparison between me and her, I don't understand why she acts like that. I never gave her reasonsâ Y/n was extremely affected by todayâs events.Â
âExactly Y/n, you have no comparison and she knows it! You are calm, focused, respectful, you help everyone around you without looking back, you don't go hurt anyone to get what you want. And she is the opposite of you, she knows that. You attract attention with your simplicity. She's eccentric and lucky to be pretty, but it's all superficial. Why do you think nothing lasts for her? Think Y/n, be smart!âÂ
Y/n didn't say anything else and started walking to the chalet. Although she didn't want to admit it Lisa was right. No good friend would do what Sewoon has done to her. She knew Y/n had feelings for Jungkook and at still went for him, she didn't think twice. Y/n would never do that to her. Her parents were not that present in her life but the values they instilled in her were always the best, perhaps it was time to put them into practice.
As soon as they arrived Lisa started to prepare something for them to eat and Y/n went to take a shower. It was exactly what she needed, a long, hot bath to relax her body and her mind. But instead she started thinking about Jungkook and how much she missed him, his smell, his hugs, the way he makes her feel alive. She never turned on her phone again, she should at least tell him she was fine. Â
They've never gone this long without talking. Everything was eating her up. She was being unfair to Jungkook, he wasn't to blame for what she was feeling. He didn't know anything, because she never told him, nor hinted. Sewoon knew, as she knew that Tae liked her and was never honest about it. Things were slowly coming together in her brain, but will things get fixed when she returns home?Â
She gets out of the shower, takes her bathrobe and wraps herself in it, does her skin care and leaves the bathroom heading to the living room to find Lisa sitting by the table with everything ready and several bottles of wine. Â Â
â I'm sorry for everything. I have been such a terrible friend and have neither helped to lighten the mood nor making this a fun time for us.â Lisa doesn't say anything, just motions for Y/n to sit next to her, pouring her a glass of wine. She sits down next to her and drinks a little. Â
âI know how you feel Y/n. Even if it doesn't seem like it, I've been in your shoes before, where Sewoon played her part. It's not something I like or want to talk about, but maybe it explains why I withdrawn myself. I canât take her seriously and just to see she keeps doing it makes me want to punch her in the face. Iâm here for you but you need to change something about how you view things and face it when you know theyâre wrong. I did. Let's just enjoy another day or two here. Whatever you decide next you tell me. We will have lots of opportunities to come back here and honestly I prefer that you resolve everything that bothers you first so that you can enjoy things as you deserve. And now let's stop talking about sad things for a while, let's eat, drink and listen to music. I wonât say for us to break something because then my father will annoy my ass. There was one time someone called my dad and told him I was making too much noise everyday, he appeared here and caught me and the boy I was having a fling with at the time in the middle of sex, you can imagine how that went.âÂ
Y/n laughed out loud. "and you say Iâm the one who always has the most embarassing moments. I can imagine your dadâs face, dude how gross.â Y/n said making a disgusted faceÂ
âHands down to that. It was the worst experience of my life, for real. This happened when I was 21 tho, was he expecting me to be a nun?â Lisa laughs and takes a sip of wine. Y/n stays quiet for a moment, but then blurts out Â
âI never had sexâ Lisa looked at her and smiled âSo? Everyone has their own time Y/n. If you feel good about your decision thatâs all that mattersâÂ
âSewoon would always mock me about it. She said I wasnât normal for waiting so long to have intercourse. She would tell me all about her adventures with guys, she even tried to tell me about her and Jungkook. She would make me feel really bad, there was one time when she came to my house, drunk as hell and told me about an adventure she had with Tae in the bathroom of a club and then she turned to me and said I was a freak for not wanting to sleep with anyone and that it wasn't normal at my age to not be curious about it. I was so upset with her that the next day I ignored her completely, but it didnât last longâÂ
âYouâre really dumb when you want to, yâknow? If it was me I would have kicked her ass and show her a real dealâ Y/n nods with Lisa's statement âI know Lisa, I know. I was dumb, I see that now. The thing is Sewoon was my comfort zone. I grew up with her my whole life, although there were some times her attitude would upset me a little, but she was the only there for me, maybe that's why I always ignored the bad things she would do, now looking back I know that her intentions were not the greatest.
âTotal bitchy. So you never had a boyfriend? You never did anything? 0?â Y/n looked at her mad âNo Iâm sorry I was just-- That's not what you're thinking, calm down. I was just trying to understand what level we are at. I'm not judging Y/n, as I said, we have to respect others choices, but why? I mean you're amazing, I'm sure there was someone who has shown interest and made a moveâÂ
âI did have a boyfriend but nothing special, we were very young and immature. I wasnât ready for that and Iâm sure he wasnât either. So maybe that doesnât count? My shyness always stopped me from doing a lot of things and with Sewoon by my side I saw everyone paying attention to her and I was always left behind, it kinda made me think I wasn't good enough for anyone to pay attention to, so I ended up taking refuge in my studies. Even when there was someone showing interest in me I thought they were taking advantage of my naivety. I never had anything to offer, why would they pay attention to me when they had her. All of this changed when I met Jungkook, he made me feel seen. For the first time I felt like I could be myself without being afraid of being judged. Â
âDo you miss him?â Â
âI do. I miss him so much and he is not to blame for what is happening. He doesn't know my feelings. I've been to blame for something he has no idea about. I've been trying not to pick up the cell phone and talk to him, apologize for my actions and explain him everything but if I do I'm afraid of ruining our friendship, though it's already damaged after that night at the club.â talking about Jungkook made her heart hurt as she felt tears prick her eyes. She was so in love with him, only if she had built the courage to speak up.
Lisa gets up and goes to the small closet with a drawer near her, grabbing a cell phone and giving it to y/n. "Call him or text him, whatever eases your anxiety a little, or don't do anything at all but don't stop enjoying the moment you're in now just because you can't let go of the past. Go get some rest I'll clean today, make sure to sleep well tonight because tomorrow weâre gonna have fun and the past will be just that. Goodnight babe. If you need anything Iâm just a knock awayâÂ
Y/n cleans her tears, grabs her phone and hugs Lisa, appreaciating everything she has done for her. She doesn't know if it's the wine taking effect or the anxiety growing inside her but a huge urge to vomit appears as soon as she turns on her cell phone. Sitting on the edge of the bed she starts seeing the notifications pop up. Unanswered texts and calls from Jungkook, begging her to say if she's okay, questioning why she left and didn't tell him anything. She knows heâs hurt. She hurt him. Â
A wave of courage washes over her and she writes a text, but suddenly runs to the bathroom and vomits her soul out, ending up staying there for a while and when she returns the courage fades away, as she starts to thinks if it's a nice idea to talk to him. She comes to the conclusion that things are better to stay as they are. When she has the opportunity to talk to him, it's either the end or start of a cycle. After a few minutes she deletes the text she wrote and turns off her cell phone again, putting it on the bedside table.
Summary: Youâve always been Bucky's best friend, his steady presence and trusted confidante. But somewhere along the way, your feelings shifted, leaving you caught between loyalty and longing. Now, with Bucky as charming and elusive as ever, you canât help but wonder if heâll ever see you as more than a friend. Every stolen glance, every shared laugh feels like a step toward something deeperâif only heâd notice.
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
ellievsbear
germansingergirl
prguitarman
discoholicmusic
turnnoffyourmind
