The Ugly Side of Stigma: A Basic Bro’s Message to a Girl with Herpes.
Today we received the most disturbing message we’ve seen since starting Truster to end the herpes (HSV) stigma. We’re posting with the hope you’ll share it to help elevate the conversation about stigma that needs to happen in our medically advanced society.
The text we received was from a friend in San Francisco that has herpes (HSV) and the bravery to disclose it on her public dating profiles. This takes remarkable courage because of the stigma and the ignorant people that fuel it.
We were discussing her experience broadcasting the diagnosis on mainstream dating sites, when she paused the conversation, showed us the above unsolicited message she received back in April on a well-known dating service.
Note: We censored Basic Bro’s pic because we don’t personally attack people on the internet.
Ignoring the obvious critique of human behavior in the digital dating realm, we want to make two points about the herpes stigma inspired by this act of ignorance.
1. People that mock herpes don’t do the math.
If having herpes was a game in Vegas they would bet every single time that they had it. That’s because 80% of humans on Earth have some type of herpes (HSV). 1 in 5 people in the U.S. have it “down there”. Most people don’t know they have herpes because (a) they don’t have symptoms and/or (b) they have not been tested. The standard STD test does not usually include HSV because the only downside for the majority of people that test positive is the social stigma.
Yes, you need skin-to-skin contact to get herpes. Yes, having HSV-1 or HSV-2 means you can pass it to someone below the belt even without showing symptoms. And yes, condoms only reduce the chance of getting herpes 30-50%. The best way to avoid confusion with a partner is to talk about sexual health openly because herpes really isn’t a big deal.
We’re guessing Basic Bro doesn’t know the facts, and this is the crux of our first point. Stigma exists where information and understanding do not. To eliminate the stigma, we need to have conversations that embrace people’s situation rather than fearing health issues because fear drives the problem underground.
2. Perpetuating the stigma hurts us all.
Stigma obviously hurts the people on the receiving end because they are forced to constantly think about their personal plight and social standing. Stigma can lead to depression, self loathing, and anxiety. By targeting someone that is so publicly vulnerable our Basic Bro revealed how sadly insecure and weak he is despite what he sees in the mirror. Stopping the stigma protects vulnerable people by disarming the Basic Bro’s of the world, it’s the right thing to do.
The less obvious impact of stigma is potentially the more damaging to all of us. It’s that in a rapidly advancing society, where the world is more connected every day, there’s no room for crippling societal norms that force great people to waste energy on personal struggles.
As a global society, we need people tackling hard problems and finding solutions that benefit us all. Stigma oppresses people and stifles their ability to contribute to the society that shuns them. A perfect example is the damaging affect gender, race, and sexual orientation stigmas have had and continue to have on the world. Stigma holds us all back by limiting the lives of some of our most capable people.
We’re are now speaking about stigma in general, but breaking down the herpes stigma is a great first step in the larger mission to stopping stigma around public health issues like depression, STDs, and addiction.
Basic Bro is clearly sorting out his own issues, but his actions are a vicious reminder of how socially accepted stigmas hurt everyone. Health issues are or will become a reality for every one of us at some point in our lives, so to stigmatize any issue is short sided and ignorant.
Together we can and will stop stigma.
Author’s note: We understand this article is prime for comments about - vegas + herpes, downplaying disease, fringe herpes horror stories, herpes jokes, #gymlife bros, and of course antisemitism/racism/homophobia because well, it’s the internet. Try to avoid falling into the “basic” category and keep it constructive or say nothing if you aren’t creative enough to contribute to conversation. Thank you for sharing.
