PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
#extradirty
Cosimo Galluzzi
wallacepolsom
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
ojovivo
trying on a metaphor
occasionally subtle
will byers stan first human second
Today's Document
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taylor price
No title available
No title available
Claire Keane
Peter Solarz
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blake kathryn
oozey mess
One Nice Bug Per Day
seen from Türkiye
seen from Pakistan
seen from Italy
seen from Italy
seen from Türkiye
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Chile
seen from Russia
seen from Malaysia
seen from Belgium
seen from Philippines
seen from Argentina
seen from United States
seen from United States
@html-lee
Tell me an inside joke between you and a friend, without context.
I beg of everyone to read the tags to this post, as they are all random and hilarious and read kind of like a poem, if the poem was written by someone who was on a lot of drugs.
couldn’t stop thinking about this post
i hope you write, i hope we both write
Hand in keyboard-cramping hand
May you always have money to feed yourself, put gas in your car, pay your rent/utilities , pay your tuition, pay your medical bills/prescription AND to treat yourself more often.
Tonight on My Husband Doesn’t Know How to Baby Talk
“Ma’am, are you aware that these, right here are your hands? They belong to you. And you get to decide what happens with them. So when you use these hands to pull your binky out of your mouth that is not necessarily a dad problem. I’ll fix it obviously i just want you to acknowledge it’s not my fault”
Husband: ma’am it has been reported lately that you do in fact have tiny little toes and a little button nose, do you care to comment?
Penny Rose: Babbles in Baby
Husband: RIVETING!
Penny Rose: Does that High Pitched Baby Yell ™️
Husband: Let it out friend! Feel your feelings!
Me: Hehehe silly husband doesn’t know how to do baby talk
All of tumblr collectively at my husband:
Penny Rose: does a sad baby scream
Husband: you don’t even have to understand taxes yet! I can explain them but you’ve got several years before that’s relevant!
Penny Rose: wide eyes, staring at her father, almost intrigued
Husband: I lied to you Penny your mother does our taxes. Do you want to know about arbitration? I know all about arbitration.
nothing like stepping outside while the seasons are changing and suddenly feeling a change in the weather that knocks you back in time by several years
sorry professor I'm going to have to miss class today bc when I walked outside in the morning it was cold and sunny in a very specific way and suddenly I was struck with a nostalgia for years past so vivid and potent that I had to sit down
honestly frodo’s journey is so wild
like, imagine your uncle goes missing after his birthday party, and his old stoner friend from out of town tells you the souvenir he brought back from a vegas trip 80 years ago is actually satan’s mood ring and now zombie assassins are coming to burn down your town unless you and your lawn guy meet up with medieval hozier in a dark gastropub…
This is the funniest synopsis of lotr I’ve ever seen
This is the ONLY modernization I will accept.
“Normalize x” “normalize y” I hope we denormalize everything. I hope we all become freaks. And I hope we all die
What the fuck is hand in unloveable hand
hoping this is a universal experience
I rather die than to relate to this when I have kids.
Whew me and my mom.
Honestly felt like I was the only one lol
Nah I told them bits and pieces I could without outing myself and they straight up gaslighted me, refused to understand, or didn’t care. So Fuck em my dad could die tomorrow and I wouldn’t be at his funeral, my mom…..I’d be there but I won’t be saying no eulogy
Reporter accidentally makes half court shot
[AUDIO:
Reporter: What was supposed to be a prank on a teacher instead backfired on the students. A blindfolded, half-court shot that is now the talk of campus and beyond.
Off-screen crew woman cries out in disbelief: YOU- [she begins laughing uncontrollably after a moment of everyone's silence and disbelief]
Cameraman: Putting that in the story too.
Crew woman: You made that!
Reporter: Are you kidding me?
Crew woman: That was perfect!
[They begin speaking over one another]
Cameraman: It went in. You- I'm- [stammering for words].
Reporter: Did you see it??
Cameraman: Yeah?
Crew woman: You made that! It was perfect. I am not kidding you.
Reporter: Was that- was that on tape?
Cameraman: Yeah!
Crew woman: That was perfect!
Reporter: You are kidding me.
Cameraman: If I go like-
Crew woman: No! It was perfect.
Cameraman shifting the camera: If I go like this, I can get the goal in the background. It went in.
Crew woman: I don't know if I messed it up by my little scream in the background, but oh my God.
Cameraman: I'm gonna- This is-
Reporter: Did that really go in!?
Cameraman: Yeah, it went in! It's starting to freak me out.
End audio.]
the freaking Pirates music
This the whooping as he grabs his can of soft drink for me lmao
the TIMING the DELIGHT this is POETIC CINEMA also I want to know WHAT THE FUCK THE CONTEXT IS but it’s still a delight without
"Weird energy in here today" I say, referring to the inside of my brain.
All I do is sit in front of screens, have my silly little coffee and zone out of life
Breaking the cycle of abuse doesn't always mean "having kids but not abusing them" it can also mean realizing that you aren't and may never be mentally fit to be a parent and making the choice to never have kids because of that. These are both equally valid ways to break the cycle
