Hi, you've reached Xan - you can leave a message in the ask box about anything and everything; but especially if it's about dogs. :)
Speaking of dogs (and cats), these are my girls and my boy (surprise - the felines have multipled); at some point I'll probably flood people's feed with new puppy content when I invest in a second dog, but for now, I just have the one dog and one cat.
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This is Freyja, (dob: 20/03/2021), a black Labrador Retriever, who I have been training to compete in gundog field trials and agility competitions (we have a sideblog about it: @driven-2fetch):
And this is Ishtar, Queen of All She Surveys, (dob: 16/04/2018), a domestic medium-haired cat; who is leash and harness trained, hates other cats, lords herself above the dogs, and is all-round the best and most darling creature to exist:
And then there's the baby of the family:
Meet Merlin, he of the spectacular whiskers. DOB: 07/01/2023. Merlin is a breeder cat, is uniquely, unexpectedly, and robustly independant, confident, and a bit of a cheeky bastard. Ware, where you step, for this walking lynx-eared rug will try to trip you up like he's about to cash in on your life insurance plan. The only reason this man is not in gaol yet is because he lacks the life experience to make something properly deadly. With time, effort, and continued practice, I expect Merlin to end up on ASIOs most wanted list.
Bonus baby pictures of the two I actually have baby-baby photos of:
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Side note:
Yes I write fanfic, sometimes. Haven't for ages, I've been insanely busy with literally everything. However, if you have questions about any of that either via fanfic.net (have not posted there in a decade) or AO3 (been... uh like 4 maybe 5 years now, yikes), please shoot an ask.
Always happy to talk fandom wank with people. :)
even if it's just me apologising for like 20 paragraphs for not updating my 10,000 wips, i am so so sorry about omg i know im the worst
I also write my own original material, which is partially why I've not written fanfic.
Before you are two magic buttons.
Button A: you will never have to clean your kitchen again (dishes are automatically done; floor swept and mopped; etc).
Button B: you will never have to clean your bathroom again (toilet & sink & tub/shower cleaned and sanitized; etc)
Which button do you push?
So many comments, many of them wise and all of them heartfelt, and yet nobody has thought to add ...
the fridge-freezer is in the kitchen. Not only are there dishes every day, not only are there food preparation surfaces of various kinds every day, not only are there crumbs and odds and ends that fall on the floor every day ... but the fridge-freezer is in the kitchen. The oven is in the kitchen, the food cupboards are in the kitchen, and above all THE KITCHEN BIN IS IN THE KITCHEN.
I mean, it's not like the bathroom is all sweetness and light, but seriously! Who in their right mind is choosing the bathroom?!?!?!?
Having a magically-self-cleaning bathroom would be cool, but it wouldn't dramatically change my lifestyle.
If I could cook or bake whatever the hell I wanted, knowing that all my pots and mixing bowls and baking sheets would just zap themselves clean when I finished? If I knew that I could spill batter or grease inside the oven or burn things onto baking racks and it would just go away? I would be making delicious shit constantly.
You know, the one who brought home an inordinate number of animals over the course of my mom's childhood.
Longtime followers might have noticed it's been quiet here lately and that's because I've added several dozen animals to my household.
Our beloved Ginger cat Mochi passed away in March from a kidney infection and it was. Emotionally devastating.
Since there was a cat-shaped hole in my home, I talked with with several rescue agencies, and drove to Texas on Easter Weekend to collect my beautiful daughter Selene:
Selene is three apples tall, weighs less than a gallon of milk, and sits comfortably at the top of the animal dominance hierarchy. Selene's hobbies are Rodent Destruction Simulator (toys), Reptile Pursuit Simulator (String on a flypole), and wedging herself into crevices. The dogs instinctively fear her, but lately Herschel the Corgi has started to be brave about playing string with her, and she makes a point of greeting Charlie the Yes when he comes in from the yard.
Since Selene is a very energetic baby with a healthy appetite for recreational violence, we did have a bit of a problem with her deciding that the humans were he favorite toys and playing with us a little too hard. On the recommendation of our vet, we got her a Playmate:
Helios (actually answers to Sunny) is approximately 5years old, and has the Size, Sweetness and Intellectual Fortitude of a Honeybaked Ham. He has the proportions of Johnny Bravo and none of his executives are functioning. Sunny's Hobbies are watching TV (His favorite movie is Fantasia 1940, specifically the Toccata and Fugue In D Minor), getting in the way of D&D, and demanding we all go to bed at 9PM.
He's about 5, but had a rough start- his former owners surrendered him when they moved, didn't do a good job box-training him, and declawed his front paws. He is extremely spoiled now, but does have to live with an inexplicably heavily armed teenager who wants to play Violence with him.
Neither of these cats Meows. Selene beeps and trills like some sort of adorable futuristic robot and Sunny very quietly honks and quacks like a very polite goose.
I also decided to manifest a dream I've had since I was about 7:
If you've never kept fish before some notes:
Fishkeeping is a TERRIBLE introduction to pet ownership, but a GREAT introduction if you want to learn Ecology, Chemistry, Zoology, Structural Engineering, Botany, Interior Design and Economics all at once
Which perhaps sounds daunting but if you also need something that is intellectually engaging, forces you to learn time management and budgeting skills, and will alleviate your depression by giving you a project that rewards you with actual, literal growth, I cannot recommend a better hobby against The Current Miasma
I am not kidding about the Interior Design and Structural Engineering. 1 gallon of water weighs about 10lbs so the smallest acceptable tanks weigh at least 50lbs when full, usually more, and more than say, an Ikea Bookshelf can reliably bear. The GOOD tanks start at 200lbs and need to be placed where they can be filled and drained for water changes, near an outlet for lights/filtering/heat/air pump, and on a floor that can handle the weight of both the tank and the stand
Prices and product quality control being what they are, you might need to build your own stand so add Carpentry to that list too
Fishkeeping can be ...expensive
It can be a lot less expensive if you casually mention you're interested in the hobby, because half a dozen fishkeepers will pop out of the woodwork and start offering you their old tanks and equipment as well as excess plants and livestock, but this will also make you Beholden To Your Local Fishkeeping Community
which is not necessarily Bad
...but it may mean needing to rapidly set up an emergency tank for a Surprise Betta your friend who does hazardous building cleanup found in the back of an abandoned trap house, for instance
If you do not already have one, you will develop a deep and profound hatred for the pet industry and how they will outright lie to people about fish, especially bettas.
You will also become very emotionally attached to Shrimp
Come join me it's fun I promise :)
Ok this post is already a mile long so read the Alt text for descriptions of my Tank Denizens:
Relatedly, the best place to put a fish tank is the bathroom because the sink is RIGHT THERE for water changes, it's got the water-resistant flooring and outlets, and you're garunteed to be in there a few times a day so you will be checking on the tank.
Also, Premium Ringside Seating! I'm a goddamn Genius.
So this is what I've been doing since March and if you enjoyed this post and want to hear future Creature Adventures or for me to do a Tank Setup Guide, you can support me on Ko-fi or Patreon.
when I was in high school I had a literature teacher who had a policy of unlimited extra credit. All you had to do was read a book by a notable author (his discretion) and have a little chat with him after school to prove that you read it. No limits, no need for variety (one month I decided I really loved Kurt Vonnegut and just read everything of his I could get my hands on).
Yes, I was tearing through books constantly, and talking to this teacher at least weekly. Because even though I always loved reading as a kid, literature was always a very weak subject for me in terms of a teaching-to-standardized-test school setting (I just do awful on "what color were the curtains" type multiple choice questions. Those details don't stick in my memory THEY JUST DON'T). But that didn't matter for this class. I could just read my way out of any bad test score. I have always had fond memories of how I "fudged" my way through that class and "abused' the extra credit policy.
I was thinking about it again today, and only just now realized that he absolutely tricked me into being well-read, while my teenage self thought I was totally getting away with something. THAT MOTHERFUCKER. I hope he's doing well.
Comic #355 : Chronic pain is isolating - Website links here ~
Here's a comic for the spoonies, the suffering and the lonesome. Let's take ibuprofen together 🐻💊 That's right it's a double length comic! I had a lot to say that wouldn't fit in 4 panels 🥲
I don't know who my intended audience is here, so whoever needs to hear this, I am begging you to learn to participate in conversations that are about things you aren't interested in.
Part of socializing and having friends is being a good listener even when you don't actually give a shit about the subject.
Your are hurting other people's feelings when you bluntly respond with "Anyway..." and then change the topic.
It can not always be about your preferred topic.
You are being rude. Yes, even if you are neurodivergent. You can be both autistic and rude.
reading this as someone who does cross stitch but is scared of the other kinds of embroidery is like overhearing an incredibly tall and buff person say they have beef with Mr. Tom, the kitten that chills at the bookstore
When Tilley was a baby I was trying to teach her how to do chin rests by "capturing it" which happened mostly when she rested her head on the couch for some chips and it was an easy way to instantly reward her. We never ended up generalizing but I have since stopped feeding her chips after that whole thing in hopes she'd think about it in other contexts but I kinda gave up but every time I eat chips she's staring at me like this despite it being probably 5 years since I gave her a chip
I've spent the last like two weeks writing an original story and it is WILD to me that no one on tumblr is talking about it. What do you mean you haven't been taken over by my OC blorbos that I haven't told you anything about???
We've got Prince William, third son to King Wilhelm who has a whole thing for names starting with W. He doesn't get along with his middle brother Warren, but Walter who's first in line is okay. Prince William is a bitch but he punches up, although sometimes his idea of who's up lacks some insight. He's very protective and reverent towards women, preferring their company. But cos he's so determined not to have a bastard he sleeps with men. He's desperate to leave the castle and the constant demands from his father the King. He expects his orders to be followed and gets real cruel when they're not. He doesn't mind crossing boundaries between class, but only if it makes the staff uncomfortable, cos he always has to be in control. He's a bit of a pain slut. The king hits him sometimes and he doesn't hate it, even tho he hates the king. He's useless with a sword. He's smart in class but pretends he's not. He's gentle to the sick and grieving.
And his sworn knight, Hotch, really just likes doing what he's told. Like. Really likes it.
Have an excerpt from my freaks <3 (this is an erotica, so while this scene isn't outright sexual there's some references and tonal stuff going on) (and, yesteday the Prince had Hotch lick the Prince's cum off his fingers and Hotch instinctively bit him while he was at it) (they're still figuring out their dynamic here, it's only the second scene)
“Let me show you something,” the Prince said.
“Of course, Sir.”
He raised a hand, glittering in rings, and pulled a double ring off his two forefingers. As it slid off the colour beneath became clear. His skin was darkened — stained? No, it was mottled differently. Hotch’s heart sank.
“Your Highness, I am sorry.” He held the Prince’s wrist, gently pulling the bruised fingers closer. His teeth marks were just slightly visible in the pattern. He could be hanged for this, and he would deserve it. “I— ”
“I like it,” the Prince said, interrupting Hotch’s spiraling mood. “I like it.”
“You…” This Prince was not like anyone Hotch had ever known.
His fingers pressed to Hotch’s mouth, slipping between his lips. “I want more.”
Hotch considered it for a moment, but the Prince was in charge. Hotch wanted to give him anything. This might be a trap, might get him in trouble, but he would do anything. He opened his mouth and let the Prince finger the back of his tongue. And he bit.
The Prince moaned, not high-pitched like when he’d been mocking Hotch, but at his natural timbre and shaking. “Harder.”
Hotch swallowed him deeper and bit again, finding himself moaning into it too.
“Fu— fuck,” the Prince gasped. “Oh, enough, fuck— ”
Hotch released his teeth, and sucked and tongued at his fingers as the Prince withdrew slowly.
The Prince put his hand on Hotch’s chest, spit-slicked fingers spread wide, and stared at them.
Hotch, oddly, was calm and comfortable. The direct request was good for him, a simple order that he could follow. He had done as asked, and done it correctly. He also realised, with dull alarm, that he liked to hear the Prince in pain.
The Prince breathed out steadily, one long breath. When he raised his head he appeared quite composed.
“You bruise easily, your Highness,” Hotch said.
The Prince grinned wide, laughing. He stepped back, slipping his rings back on. “Do I?”
“It’s because you don’t eat enough red meat, Sir.”
“Oh, is it?” He returned to the bookshelf across the room and began to read the spines. “You speak very directly. We can discuss this as equals if you’d like, but you’ll do it kneeling.”
“I… ” Hotch breathed.
The Prince looked back over his shoulder, meeting Hotch’s gaze. His eyes flickered down, the instruction clear.
Hotch let out a sharp breath, then crossed the room to lock the door. It wasn’t much, but it would delay any incursion a moment and make up for the delayed reaction he’d have in getting up off his knees.
He took a few steps into the room and knelt, looking up at the Prince.
The Prince smiled and turned back to the shelf. “I don’t like meat.”
Right, this was for a conversation. Not so Hotch could have his mouth fucked. Hotch blinked and refocused. He’d known a girl with a similar complexion to the Prince who’d bled half her weight every month. Her mother had told him her tricks to keep her daughter alive. “Do you like soup?”
The Prince shrugged, still not looking at him. “Sure.”
Hotch nodded. He fixed his shirt. He would ask the kitchen to add an iron ingot to the Prince’s pot. “Eat dark greens, such as spinach. And beans.”
“I’m not eating beans.” He pulled a book from the shelf and turned to face Hotch, a few feet away and hips canted forwards nicely. “And don’t give me orders, Sword. This is a conversation, not a lecture.”
Hotch hesitated. He had been giving orders. “I meant it as a suggestion, your Highness, I apologise for the wording. Some spinach may help you.”
The Prince hummed dismissively. His fingered the book open, then glanced up. He smirked. “I’m going for dinner soon. You look nice there, but best stand up I think.”
Hotch took a deep breath in. “Yes, Sir.” He stood.
The Prince sat and began to read.
At dinner, Hotch noticed him with a small pile of steamed spinach on his plate.
In true me form I've spent the last two weeks unhappy with the last chapter. So I've been brainstorming and am now writing the actual last chapter. I do this for most of my fics too, so nice to know I'm consistent even when it's annoying
I think it's cos I don't wanna lose momentum, so when I get to the end I just keep writing even tho the story I've written has changed from what I initially planned. So when I write to wrap things up doesn't actually reflect the work any more. I always have to re do the last chapter ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ process, I suppose
