How Imagination Saved My Life
tl;dr Nerdiness is the reason I exist. I also could not include every influential person in my life without making this super long, so sorry to those I neglected.
I’ve always been a little different from many people. Since I can remember, I’ve never really fit in with my siblings. Sure, we love each other, but I’ve always been the “weird” one. I’m the one with her nose in a book, who is totally willing to go in costume to everything, and definitely says way to much about everything she’s interested in...or way too much in general.
The only things I remember about elementary school are reading Harry Potter (the graveyard scene in GoF absolutely terrified me because I read it at night during a thunderstorm), being comforted by my parents during thunderstorms (I’ve always been a scaredy-cat), dancing around on my bed with my leggings on my head like that Twi’lek in Return of the Jedi (my soundtrack may have been Backstreet Boys, and my cosplay game has never been that strong), and playing imaginary games on our neighbourhood block with my friends. That may seem like a lot, but it isn’t. I can’t even remember what the games were about. Just that we played them and I reveled in imagining our far-flung settings.
Then I met Shealynn at Slater Middle, and she was the first person in the whole world I geeked out with. When I say that Pirates of the Caribbean and Lord of the Rings are up there among my favourite films, don’t mistake that for my saying that far and away they are the finest films I’ve ever seen (though LotR is up there, tbh). They are my favourite films because I remember very distinctly finally having the social approval to love them. I learned some phrases in Elvish, dressed like a pirate, and had two Orlando Bloom posters hanging in my room until I went off to college. This is due in no small part to Shealynn, and she is most likely the reason I began to embrace myself in my teenage years. She is the reason I started loving musicals too: I remember acting out songs from Chicago at one of her cousin’s (cousin?) Little League games when we were bored, and I remember geeking out over Phantom of the Opera, as well (making fun of Gerard Butler’s frog legs and Emmy Rossum’s random black curl that made no sense). She may not remember these things, but it was such a meaningful time in my life that I can’t forget them.
<<fast-forward through jr. high and high school, though there were some few notable people there too>>
Enter college. College was the first place where I was finally able to be who I am. Since I came from a town far away, I found myself basically anonymous. I didn’t remake myself, though that’s a common story people tell. I was just able to be myself. I have anxiety, so people approaching me was the best surprise I could have hoped for. I learned how to play Cosmic Encounters from Dylan, which was my first real tabletop game. I joined the Agnostic and Atheist Student Group, where I met my first real nerds. Then a year later I found Cepheid.
OMG Cepheid. I’ve honestly always felt way less nerdy than most Cepheids, but they accepted me anyway. From my first Rephil story to this guy named Bandcamp I barely knew raving about Game of Thrones, Cepheid became my home. I learned about myself, learned that I have always actually been a likable person, and learned (let’s be completely honest) that I’m not all that weird. There were hundreds of people who love fantasy like I love it, who at the drop of a hat would do anything for me if I needed them, and who genuinely seemed to like my company. Being a Cepheid became a point of pride in my life, and being a Cepheid Elder still is. As Bandcamp puts it, I’m more of a person now than when I joined Cepheid. I’ve discovered my personhood.
I’ve discovered in the few years since I left A&M that honestly I really enjoy creation. Not like “God’s creation” but like human creation. I love Star Wars, Star Trek, Marvel, DC, Tamora Pierce, Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Terry Pratchett, Lord of the Rings, various video games, boardgames, and Pirates of the Caribbean because they are created by the human imagination, and they allow me to escape and to savour the worlds that they create. I even can create my own. I’ve found people I can talk to about what I imagine and how I appreciate others’ imaginings. We have solidarity.
Make no mistake: when I say imagination saved my life I don’t mean in the literal sense. I mean imagination saved my personhood. Through imagination my personality exists and is vibrant, through imagination I know the value of other people, and with imagination I create and sustain relationships with real people who value what I value: the miracle of human consciousness (as John Green so eloquently puts it).
I know there are people who don’t appreciate science fiction and fantasy, but who still appreciate literature, art, or films. Can you honestly say that you don’t love what I love, but in a different form? I’m considered the “weird” one, and that people would rather I keep my fangirling to myself, but it’s just what I love. What do you love? Do you talk to anyone about what you love and really want them to ask so you can explain? Do you love anything enough that you want to talk about it constantly? Do you love anything so much you consider it to be a part of you, of the fabric of your existence? That’s how I feel about fantasy, sci fi, and those other things that come from the very far, miraculous reaches of human imagination. If you ever encounter anyone who loves things that you think are “weird,” instead of dismissing them and wondering in the hell they would love such weird things, question them. Take the time to get to know this probably interesting person who collects Star Wars toys as a hobby or dresses up like The Doctor in public. You may not understand them, but you may walk away with a new appreciation of things they treasure. :)
